Hilltop was in an uproar.
Which meant it was at about the same level of chaos as from the day before, only this time with more crying. Carrot Top shouldered her way through the mass of panicked ponies, and I could do little but follow in her wake. At least someone had the foresight to make coffee, so I scooped up a mug. I had the familiar feeling I would need it. That, and it was also too early for brandy.
Over the Top sat in the kitchen, blubbering. “MY BABY!” Tears streamed down into his beard. “WHERE IS MY LITTLE BABY?” He blew his nose with a sound akin to a foghorn, and then shook his head. His face went red, and he pounded a hoof upon the table. “I SWEAR, IF THAT VALLEY TRASH HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS--”
“You'll report it to the proper authorities.” Carrot Top's voice was level, but she was still able to cut through her father's typical bellowing.
Over the Top blinked, sniffed, and looked over at Carrot Top. Again, he switched from raging to maudlin at the drop of the proverbial hat. “BUT ... BUT THE SHERIFF'S HALF A DAY'S WALK FROM HERE! WHO KNOWS WHAT COULD HAPPEN TO MUFFIN IN THAT TIME? SHE'S PROBABLY ALONE AND SCARED AND-- AND--” The big stallion broke down into sobs once more.
“We don't need the sheriff.” Carrot Top said. “We've got Flash Sentry.”
I nearly choked on my coffee.
As one, the Top clan turned to stare at me with wide-eyed expressions of hope. Well, most of the Top clan, as the look in Carrot Top's eyes said “you'd better go along with this or else I will break your face in you craven little coward.”
She had very expressive eyes, you know.
“It's ... a bit outside my jurisdiction.” I said. “But I'll do what I can.”
“Don't worry, dad. Flash Sentry will find Muffin, and bring her back. I promise.”
Over the Top blew his nose again and looked at me, renewed vigor shining in his teary eyes. “THANK YOU, FLASH! I KNOW I CAN COUNT ON YOU! I'LL BE HONORED TO HAVE A STALLION LIKE YOU AS A SON IN LAW!”
“Son in law?” My voice cracked.
“Not now, dad!” Carrot Top said, and dragged me out of the room. “Just leave it to Flash-- he'll have Muffin back in no time!”
I kept my sputtering to a minimum until Carrot Top led me through Hilltop's front door, and out onto the thankfully empty lawn. I shot a wary glance back at the big house, and then a warier one to the mare who was the cause of all this trouble to begin with. “Just what in blazes have you been writing in your letters?”
“Nothing! Literally, nothing! Just small talk and little updates on how I was doing.”
“Then what was that 'Son in Law' business? For all I know, you've been signing your letters 'Carrot Sentry' just to see what it looks like on paper.”
“Believe it or not, not every mare in Canterlot is interested in you.”
“Only the ones with excellent taste.” I huffed.
Carrot Top tensed, and for a terrible moment I thought she would hit me-- but she steadied herself with a deep breath, and so I remained un-punched for a little while longer. “Nevermind what my Dad said-- he's panicking right now, because his little girl-- because my sister has disappeared. And it's your fault.”
“My fault? Don't try to pin this on me-- I barely spoke to the girl! For once, there's no possible way I could have done anything wrong.”
“It's not what you said. It's just the simple fact you're here.” Carrot Top picked up her pace, nearly breaking into a trot as she headed downhill,
“I'm only here because you forced me. Or did you forget?” I flapped my wings to keep up.
Carrot Top cringed, stopped, and turned her eyes downwards. “Damn it, you're right. I just ... “ She ran a hoof through her frizzed hair. “I should have seen this coming.”
“Seen what coming, exactly? As I still can't see the connection between my mere presence and disappearing teenagers.”
“I told you I spent most of last night talking to my sister. What I didn't tell you is what we talked about.”
“Something deeper than idle gossip, I'm guessing.”
Carrot Top nodded. “Turns out, when Muffin saw you and me 'together,' she started getting ... ideas. She told me that she'd met a boy.”
“Well, good for her.”
“The boy's a Bottom.” Carrot Top's voice took on a grim, professional tone, as if she were identifying an enemy agent.
“Aaaand that's the definition of Too Much Information. Sorry I asked.”
“What are you-- no!” Carrot Top smacked me on the shoulder. Hard. “The boy's name is Bottom-- Rock Bottom –from the Bottom clan.”
“The who?”
Carrot Top sighed and shook her head. “The Tops take their name from the fact we live at the top of the hill. And the Bottoms live, well, at the bottom of the valley. The two families have been feuding off and on for generations. That's the 'valley trash' my father was ranting about.”[1]
[1] The Top & Bottom Feud is often forgotten in comparison to (or sometimes confused with) the more famed rivalry between the Hoofields and McColts. This can be attributed to Princess Twilight Sparkle's resolution of the matter, as detailed in her numerous letters and essays on the subject. The exact origins of the Top & Bottom Feud are unknown (Sentry neglects to delve into the matter, unsurprisingly), but various sources claim the quarrel between the two families was either caused by a land dispute, or possibly by an incident involving a Hearth's Warming Eve Pageant, a cartload of potatoes, and somepony's pet pig.
“So you're telling me ... there's a whole family of Bottoms?”
“Yes.”
“No wonder they're so angry.” I tried to fight back a snicker, and failed. “Name like that, and I'd have a chip on my shoulder too.”
“Stop laughing, Sentry. We've got to find Muffin and Rock before Big Bottom--”
“Excuse me?”
Carrot Top rolled her eyes. “The head of the Bottom clan is traditionally called Big Bottom, and-- now what?”
My lip began to quiver. Tears welled up at the corners of my eyes. “Sorry.” It came out in a squeak. “It's just ... that's the funniest damned thing I've ever heard.”
“Will you shut up? This is serious.”
“Sorry. I must be making an ass of myself.”
“Sentry.”
“Oh! Right, didn't mean to make you the butt of the joke.”
“Sentry.”
“Of course. Back to business. Put all this silliness behind us, eh?” I went so far as to waggle my eyebrows.
Carrot Top facehooved. “I can't believe I'm having this conversation.”
“Consider it payback.” I smiled so hard it hurt. It was absolutely worth it.
“My sister is missing and you're making bad jokes.” Carrot Top growled.
“Sorry! Sorry! That's the end of it. I promise.”
Carrot Top punched me in the shoulder. Harder.
There should be a word for smiling and wincing at the same time. “Would you believe me if I said that last pun wasn't on purpose?”
“No.” Carrot Top said, flatly.
“Fine.” I sighed, and rubbed at my aching shoulder. “Still, you've got to admit, compared to the fiasco you threw me into back in Perchertania, this is going to be easy. Trivial, even. Just look at things objectively. You're one of the Equestrian Intelligence Office's best special agents. And I-- well-- if there's anypony who knows about absconding with ladies whose parents disapprove of you, it's me.”
Carrot Top stared at me for a long, long moment. “I hate to say it, but you're making sense.”
“Of course I am!” I said, cheery. “I'm actually quite useful in situations where nothing's trying to kill me. All we need to do is find your sister and her paramour. They can't have gone far. They don't have wings, and the train won't roll in until later in the afternoon. I bet the two of them probably just holed up in the first place they could find some privacy and--”
“Remember that's my sister you're talking about.” Carrot Top warned.
“-talk.” I added on, blithely. “They're just talking. About, uh, feelings. The way teenagers do.”
“I already know where they've gone. Back when I was a filly, I had a secret place where I'd go when I wanted to be alone. When I left for Canterlot, I told Muffin where it was. If there's anyplace she's taken a boy to ... talk, it'll be there.”
“Ah! Sounds open and shut, then. Where are we headed?”
“The Everfree Forest.”