After the paperwork confirming Thorax’s ownership of the airship was finalized, Thorax set right to work getting the needed airship pilot’s license in order to fly it. Over the days that then followed, Thorax set aside a lot of his normal activities he undertook in his spare time and instead focused on carrying out the required legal work for the license. With the head start that his training cruise at the airship day camp last moon gave him, it wasn’t long before all that remained for him to secure the final license was completing a certain number of hours of airship flight while supervised by a qualified instructor. He was especially lucky enough that the Vanhoover airship yards were able to arrange for such a session daily (except weekends), and Fly Leaf had in turn granted him enough time off work to do them, helping to speed things along.
These practice cruises of sorts were done in a very small aircraft that Thorax couldn’t quite call an airship or even an air yacht as it only sat four ponies total and no more. Seeing the craft on one occasion, Spike called the craft “a rowboat strung from a hot air balloon,” a description that even Thorax couldn’t quite deny; it was fairly accurate. Nonetheless, it still operated like any other airship and thus was more than enough to give Thorax the flying practice he needed. His qualified instructor was regularly changing to whoever was available at the time of the scheduled session and he rarely got the same instructor twice, but all of them seemed pretty pleased with Thorax’s practicing, noting that he was a “cautious but observant” flyer who learned fast. They were especially pleased that an apparent unicorn was catching on to how it worked so quickly; it seemed unicorns, not generally having much flight experience of any sort, typically struggled to understand the full mechanics of flight on average. Thorax of course didn’t have this problem because under his unicorn disguise he did have wings of his own that he knew very well how to use…but his instructors weren’t to know that.
During this whole process, no pony seemed to be the wiser that the pony named Thornton was more than he claimed, which was good, but Thorax still feared discovery on occasion. It was actually somewhat ironic, him busy worrying about it so much while Spike was perfectly confident they would pull it off without a hitch for a change. It seemed like it was normally the reverse of that. Though perhaps Spike’s confidence rising was to be expected after getting final word that the police had formally ceased investigating the loose ends of the gang fight Thorax had been an unplanned part of, giving them full closure at last.
Thorax found out about this via Ragg—he and his gang having served their time and were back on the streets doing their usual business—and being one of the few aware that Thorax was in reality a changeling in hiding, Ragg especially wanted to tell him about it because the final ruling dealt directly with the gang member they both knew Thorax had bitten but the police couldn’t confirm themselves. Apparently the police had continued to investigate it as promised, searching for answers well after Thorax had been allowed to go free, but were still of the opinion that Thorax could somehow be related. But now they had reached the point that, lacking any evidence to explain it much less tie it back to Thorax or anyone else present for the fight in any meaningful way, the police could only rule it as a dead case.
Instead, in the final report they were forced to assume that the pony in question must have received the venomous bite from somewhere else entirely, and since they couldn’t pinpoint any reliable sources present at the area of the fight, further assumed that the pony had gotten bitten by some unclear creature some time prior to the start of the fight, and that the venom simply had more of a delayed reaction than first thought. As this implied the venom would have taken as long as an hour or more to take effect, Thorax personally found this assumption rather insulting as it implied he had “weak venom”—venom potency was not equal in all changelings, and that occasionally some could only produce far weaker than normal venom (usually due to a trait in which the changeling develops a sort of allergy to its own venom, and its body defensively reacts by greatly reducing the venom output), and this was not considered a flattering thing to have in changeling society.
Regardless, Ragg found it more interesting that Thorax not only managed to bite and knock out a pony in short order with one venomous bite, he got away with it too, evading any credible detection from the police. He jokingly asked if he could get Thorax to bite a few of his rivals for him. Unamused by that suggestion and not eager to add any further risk getting associated with the matter, Thorax immediately decreed that he would do no such thing. When Thorax relayed all of this on to Spike though, Spike was just relieved that he didn’t need to worry about the matter anymore, glad that their luck for evading discovery continued to be going strong. It was getting to the point that Spike even wondered aloud if there was something more behind that continued luck.
“Maybe you should tell those acorns of yours thanks for watching out for us,” he had remarked to Thorax with a grin, but his emotions conveyed a sense of gravity so Thorax wasn’t sure if he was being serious in the request or not. Either way, Thorax regularly visited the little grove of acorns in the park when occasion permitted anyway, and at next chance relayed Spike’s thanks on while doing his usual pondering in the area.
But of greater importance was that, after all of this, Spike then seemed to be in greater spirits overall, more than Thorax had seen him be in a while. Fly Leaf described it as Spike appearing to have “renewed spirit” in life, and an “extra spring in his step.” Thorax at least could deduce that Spike seemed suddenly content with where he was in life, which was interesting to him because he knew Spike never really had been before now. Before, there always seemed to be some longing for his past life before banishment, some continuous worry about discovery, or something else related to both that left the young dragon uneasy. Now, though, he seemed largely at peace and cheery. He was seen working about the shop with a grin on his face and acting more optimistic about things. Also, after three moons of listless dabbling in the matter, Spike was actively and regularly writing all of a sudden with renewed vigor and intent. And when out and about in the streets of Vanhoover, he seemed more prone to greet passing ponies, be more in the center of things, and overall seemed more playful; he often used such excursions as excuses to practice the parkour skills he had recently learned.
What was perhaps most telling of all though was also the most non-peculiar thing Spike did; he began rebuilding the comic collection he had lost when banished. It was something Thorax had known Spike had wanted to do for a while now, as whenever they visited the local comic book shop, Spike would often comment on doing it. But he also always found one reason or another to hold off on it, usually being that a comic book collection wasn’t something they likely would be able to take with them if they suddenly had to flee Vanhoover. This was perfectly logical to Thorax, so when he learned of Spike’s about-face by the dragon bringing in the first of what would be several sporadic purchases in upcoming weeks, he was somewhat surprised.
“What made you finally decide to start rebuilding the collection?” Thorax asked as he watched Spike clear a spot on their bookshelves for the oncoming collection.
Spike simply shrugged. “It just seemed like the right time,” he reasoned, and couldn’t give Thorax much more reason than that.
But after pondering it more himself, Thorax theorized that it had to be that Spike was letting himself believe they were both really going to be staying in Vanhoover for the long term now, that this was perfectly acceptable, and was now ready to start “putting down roots” as it were, settling in and just live life in Vanhoover, beyond a life in hiding. On one side, Thorax was thrilled for this breakthrough in Spike. Though Spike always tried to keep it to himself, he knew Spike still had many dark and bitter feelings about their banishment keeping the dragon glum and in the dark…so Thorax took this to be a sign that Spike was finally beginning to let that go and move on, thinking it could only be the healthy thing for him to do at this point.
On the other side though, Thorax also had his worries about letting Spike getting too comfortable in settling in. Though it had become something of a new home to them, he knew there was still a danger of discovery in Vanhoover, despite their continuous good luck avoiding it, and they should always be prepared for trouble suddenly coming regardless. He worried that letting Spike obtain personal things he couldn’t bring with him should such discovery ever come would only backfire and make Spike doubly bitter in the end.
Then Thorax realized he was one to talk; he had already done the same well before Spike; he had obtained a record player, a small collection of records, was building a collection of Sky Trek books of his own as well as other books, and more still. All things he couldn’t expect to bring with him if they had to suddenly leave either, and Thorax dreaded having to do that. He realized he had already settled and sought to “put down roots” himself, and had been for a while now. Plus he already knew he certainly didn’t want to leave Vanhoover if they could help it, and he was the one who had urged they continue to stay in the first place. But after pondering the matter a bit further, he decided that was okay. He’d rather be settling in than living on edge all the time, missing out on life as a result, and considered that for the better.
However, one Saturday afternoon he found there was one path open to him he had been completely overlooking. On this day, all three of them were doing regular preparatory work for business next week while the shop was closed for the weekend. Spike was upstairs on the second floor setting out new stock while Fly and Thorax were down on the first floor, working on setting up a new series of displays in the front room. It was relatively casual work, so when the mailpony arrived at the shop’s front door, Fly readily paused then and there to collect the offered mail and sort through it.
“Let’s see,” she remarked aloud as she placed the pile of mail on the front desk, moving it into groups depending on type. “Bill, bill, bill, bill…oh hey, a letter from First Edition…bill, bill, bill, fall catalog of products from the stationery supplier, bill, and—oh!”
Fly glanced in Thorax’s direction, where he was still working at setting up the display, and gave him a shrewd look. Thorax gazed back at her blankly for a moment. “What?” he asked.
Fly held out a letter to him. “This one’s for you, Thornton,” she remarked with a smirk.
Beginning to catch on, Thorax rose and joined her at the front desk. Taking the letter into his magic, it only took one glance at the name and return address written on the front to understand who it was from. Eagerly, he opened the envelope and withdrew the letter within to read without delay:
Dear Thornton,
Congrats on the air yacht! You’re very lucky indeed to be blessed with such a thing, and I agree, it’s definitely the best birthday gift ever, period. I certainly can’t claim to have gotten anything even remotely comparable for any of my own birthdays, to the point that I’m honestly a little jealous. I almost want to nag the relevant friends and family about it for my next birthday myself, but as I’m sure you recall, I am perfectly content with sticking with my wagon and just hoofing it to wherever I’m heading. No air yachts are required for this mare.
Speaking of, I am currently traveling between towns at the time of my writing this letter, but as before, still heading ever closer to Canterlot. I should be reaching there within another week at most, but before then I expect to arrive at a small outlying town soon and arrange to perform a show for the inhabitants while I’m there. Given the town’s small size, I don’t expect an especially large turnout, but you never know. Still no excuse to not give them any less of a spectacular show than anywhere else I perform, of course. Let it be known that all of my performances are always at least equal to the last, if not exceeding.
But on the subject of exceeding past performances, I have been working on a few new acts to perform and working out the illusionary magic particulars for each one, and since I haven’t forgotten your truly invaluable advice in the past about improving the quality of my acts, I’d like you to look them over and give any input as you see fit. Attached is a rundown on what I’ve got so far. Please let me know your thoughts when you write back.
Some signs of autumn are starting to appear in the air, but otherwise the weather here is still holding out as quite pleasurable—nothing like the cooler weather you’ve described taking place in Vanhoover now. Frankly, I am quite glad to be here where it’s warmer, even if it’s only slight and won’t last for much longer. I hope for your sake that you’re managing the colder weather just fine though. You’re probably going to be seeing a lot more of it in the moons to come. No offense, but better you than me.
Looking ahead though, after I pass through Canterlot, I intend to head in the direction of Ponyville. Though certainly not my most favorite place in the world, it’s a logical place to stop and resupply regardless and I do have some fans there, believe it or not, who I feel deserve a show too while I’m visiting. Really though, I’d just like to stop by and visit my friend Starlight Glimmer and catch up in person rather than via letter for a change. This, of course, is assuming that Princess Twilight isn’t working the poor mare’s tail off with whatever princessing stuff she always seems to have Starlight doing these days. According to Starlight’s most recent letter to me though, the good princess of friendship is planning to depart on a business trip or some such here soon, so maybe I can time my arrival with that and get a Twilight-free visit in Ponyville for a change. That would be a win and a half right there.
But I digress. Still enjoying your letters. Your gentle thoughts and input on just life in general always bring a bit of cheer to me even on the worse of days, so please do keep that up. I actually find I miss chatting with you in person like we did that night you saw my show. Makes me wish I was in the area to stop in and visit you too here soon but obviously I’m not in any position to do so for now. But it does make for a good argument to hurry back to Vanhoover when my touring points back in that direction and put on another performance there. Typically I tend to stay south for this time of year and I already explained why…but maybe I’ll have to see what I can do to make an exception at soonest convenience this year. We’ll have to make plans for such a get-together when that time comes, and when it does I look forward to that.
Until then though, I hope this finds you more than well. Seeing you’ve got a whole air yacht to play with, it’s hard to see how you wouldn’t be.
Write back soon.
-Trixie Lulamoon
(The Great and Powerful)
Grinning warmly at Trixie’s words, Thorax flipped to the second paper attached to the letter and skimmed through the mentioned proposals so to get an idea of what Trixie was envisioning. He then lowered the letters so to get back to work, only to find that Fly was standing there on the other side of the front desk, watching him with that same shrewd look as before.
“What?” Thorax asked her again, proceeding to stuff the letter back into its envelope.
“You’ve got that silly grin on your face again,” Fly noted aloud in a whimsical tone.
If that was so, it changed when Thorax frowned at her. “What do you mean…silly grin?”
“Oh, you know…that particular kind of silly grin.”
“…you’re going to have to be more specific than that, Miss Fly.”
Fly chose not to elaborate though, instead rolling her eyes in good humor. She watched Thorax carefully put the letter away and set it aside where he wouldn’t forget to take it back upstairs to his room later. “So you and Trixie seem to be getting along nicely,” she remarked at last.
Thorax sighed slightly, turning away from the front desk. “We’re just friends, Miss Fly,” he repeated to his employer, not for the first time. Because she was the one who generally checked the mail, Fly was the one most aware that Thorax had been sending letters to Trixie and getting quick and regular replies back. So every time one of Trixie’s letters arrived, it seemed like Fly had something to comment on the matter despite Thorax’s continued refutations to her particular interpretation of their interactions.
And to Fly’s credit, she wasn’t oblivious to that. “So you keep telling me,” she replied, following Thorax back to the display they had been working on. “And far be it for me to suggest otherwise, clearly.” Thorax’s frowned deepened, catching onto her teasingly sarcastic tone. Seeing this, Fly gave him a playful nudge as they got back to work, reminding him she was just teasing. “Still…I think you should at least be…open-minded to the possibility. I think it’d do you good.” She gave him a warm grin. “Besides, despite what ponies say, there really are only so many fish in the sea.”
Thorax glanced up from the items he was arranging on the display. “Fish in the sea?”
“You know…fish in the sea. Birds in the sky.” She waggled her eyebrows at him. “Mares in Equestria.” Thorax scowled and averted his gaze, uncomfortable. Fly sighed and backed off her approach. “Sorry Thornton, I’m not trying to force you to do anything. That is, of course, all your choice and no one else’s. It’s just…” she set a book that was part of the display down with a thud. “…I can’t help but think you’re not letting yourself even consider what’s going on between you and Trixie, and I think that’s unfair for the both of you.”
“We’re just friends,” Thorax reiterated once more, focusing on setting up the display. But he could sense from Fly’s emotions that she was no more convinced than before.
“Oh really? I don’t think Trixie sees it that way.”
Thorax snorted at this. “Trixie has never once suggested that’s the case. And to be frank, how would you know? You barely even know her.”
“True…but I know she did go to the trouble of making sure you had her contact information right before she left Vanhoover, and she fully wanted you to make use of it.”
“So? That doesn’t really say anything, does it?”
Fly gave him another knowing look, stopping her work to lean on the side of the display. “Thornton…despite what she told you during that visit, this shop is not just along the way for someone leaving the city, especially someone who was heading south from here. She deliberately went out of her way to come here first.”
Thorax paused abruptly with what he was doing, realizing with a start the truthfulness of Fly’s implication. Passing by Fly’s shop really wasn’t the logical path to go along when exiting Vanhoover to head south. Even more, he realized now that while Trixie’s wagon that had been parked outside the shop during her visit it was pointing in completely the wrong direction, suggesting Trixie had approached the shop from the wrong direction to have been “just passing by” on her way out of town.
That wasn’t all Fly had to point out though. “And keep in mind that I was still in the room when Trixie dropped by. I saw the look in her eyes. I also can’t help but notice Trixie has been writing to you with startling regularity and frequency since, and likewise you have never once failed to mail a letter back in response the same day you get one from her.” Fly’s expression softened suddenly as she gently leaned closer, her emotions turning caring and encouraging, as well as a tone of mild concern—worried, no doubt, that Thorax was missing something greater. “And then there’s your silly grin you get whenever I see you reading one of Trixie’s letters. You’re always very eager to get them. And…” Fly gazed in the direction of the staircase leading upstairs where she knew Spike was up on the second floor working. Though it was doubtful that the dragon was in any position to overhear, Fly lowered her voice a little. “…there’s the fact I don’t see you talking about any of these letters with Spark. I’ve kept out of it, in respect for your wishes…but does he still not know about any of this?”
Thorax hesitated. “He knows I send the letters, but no, we don’t talk about the details,” he admitted. He was actually starting to think Spike was deliberately avoiding the subject, and Thorax had to admit he was perfectly content to let it be that way, as he didn’t feel comfortable discussing it with Spike too much, given how Spike generally reacted like he secretly didn’t approve.
Fly tilted her head knowingly. “You know, it does strike me as a bit odd that this is the thing, of all things, you choose to keep quiet about to him.”
Thorax licked his lips and shuffled uncomfortably, feeling guilty, awkward, embarrassed, and annoyed at Fly’s continued pressing on this subject. “I just don’t think Spark would approve,” he mumbled aloud.
“Which is between you and him to resolve, of course…though, I do think keeping secrets from each other is only going to cause trouble for you in the end.” And Thorax knew she had a point with that, causing him to wince a little. Seeing this, Fly got back to the original topic. “Look, maybe I’m getting myself too involved, but in regards to Trixie, all I’m trying to do is to give you a friendly nudge, making you aware of what I feel the two of you are already veering towards.”
Thorax swallowed. Surely that wasn’t actually the case…was it? At any rate, Thorax shook his head, knowing for certain one thing on the matter. “It would never work even if Trixie and I were to go…further,” he said with hesitation, hating to acknowledge it, but deciding it was past time to be upfront with Fly about this much. “It would be…unwise for me to pursue such a thing with anypony right now anyway.”
Fly tilted her head at him. “Why not?” she asked simply and gently, the one question Thorax wished she wouldn’t ask.
Thorax licked his lips again, avoiding eye contact. He could feel his cheeks heating up the further the conversation went on and was certain he was blushing by now. “Because it just wouldn’t,” he replied lamely, knowing he couldn’t tell Fly the real truth. It was too closely tied to things she was not to know about him and Spike.
It didn’t seem to help dissuade Fly any though, and now Thorax could sense more concern growing within her emotions over the matter. This only made Thorax’s own emotions feel that much more conflicted and stirred, leading him to be all that more aware of Fly meaning no ill-will from her questioning and was only trying to help as a friend. Her intentions were good, Thorax knew it, and as such he couldn’t bring himself to deride her for it…but none of that helped. Trying to signal he didn’t want to talk about it further, he turned his full focus back on setting up the display, continually moving things around to get them all in place. Fly made no motion to follow suit though, only continuing to lean on the side of the display, the metaphorical gears turning behind her eyes as she studied Thorax with a mounting gaze of quiet distress.
“Thornton,” she finally spoke, slowly and deliberately. “Why are you really being so resistant to the idea of a relationship with Trixie, or anypony for that matter?”
Thorax kept himself working, pace picking up urgently as he avoided eye contact. “Maybe I’m just not interested in one right now,” he reasoned without meaning.
Fly gazed at him for a beat, her expression or tone not changing. “Are you?”
Thorax’s movements fumbled slightly, finding himself unable to respond. He very much wanted to just say yes and be done with it, but now he was finding he couldn’t bring himself to do so, a knot in his throat appearing every time he tried. Balani devoveo, he thought to himself. I really don’t want to be thinking about this!
Fly kept prompting him though, for it seemed she knew his thoughts on the matter. “If it’s not that, then why, Thornton?”
Finding merely averting his gaze wasn’t enough now, Thorax turned his head away from Fly as he continued to work, even though he was no longer paying too close attention to what he was doing. “Just because,” he repeated again, unable to come up with a better answer.
Fly gazed at him for another beat. “You realize that only suggests you do have a rationale…you just don’t want to admit what it is for some reason.”
“You’re not wrong,” Thorax admitted quietly without elaborating further, wincing inwardly as his two-chambered stomach clenched and churned uneasily, an ache he couldn’t quite account for and didn’t like the feeling of forming in the pit of his chest.
Fly, again, was quiet for a moment, mulling carefully over what she wished to say next. “Thornton, I can see this is making you uncomfortable,” she added. “I know I really shouldn’t be pressing this, but…I’m just concerned. Concerned you’re letting something wonderful pass you by…and I’m just trying to understand why you would want to. What is it that’s wrong that you’re not telling me?”
Thorax slammed the box of rulers he had been moving down suddenly as Fly continued to gaze expectantly at him, waiting for an answer. “It’s because I don’t think Trixie would really like the real me if she ever got to know it!” he snapped, blurting it out suddenly and without thinking. He then shuddered as the ache in his chest grew. He wanted to curse and shout at it, not understanding why it was there and being so persistent in this of all matters. With great restraint, he managed to reel in his emotions, but he still felt his control starting to crumble and that secretly scared him. Changelings don’t lose control of their emotions, not over things like this.
Fly pulled back slightly, surprised by the outburst. “You mean she hasn’t already?” she asked knowingly.
Thorax, panting from the exertion of keeping his emotions in control and from showing, chose not to respond to that. “I think it really wouldn’t be wise for me to be committing to any relationships like that right now, given circumstances,” he explained instead.
“Whatever for?” Fly challenged gently.
Thorax glanced up at her, his eyes beginning to sting with what were about to be tears as he continued to struggle to contain the whirlwind of emotions bottled up within him. “There’s far more going on than you know, Miss Fly,” he impulsively sputtered out, his body shuddering faintly in the process. “More to me than you can ever know.” He knew he was on the verge of revealing too much to Fly but at the moment he didn’t care.
Fly was silent for a moment, gazing at him. “I had already suspected as such,” she admitted simply but seriously. She sighed. “Look, I get it, you and Spike have your secrets, and it’s not my business to pry. I’ve long made it a point to respect that where I can, you know that.” She bit her lip for a second, debating. “But…I really do think…you should be free to pursue such things…far more than you have been the whole four moons you’ve been here…both of you in fact, you and Spark…but you especially, Thornton.”
Thorax suddenly pulled away, squeezing his eyes shut as he fought tears. “I’m sorry Miss Fly, but I can’t do that,” he managed to say. But as the storm that had become his emotions was breaking free against his control, he found he could do little to stop it now, and ashamed and overcome with the ache in his chest, he couldn’t stand remaining there and breaking down before her, so he turned and left, heading into the back of the shop. “Now excuse me, I…I need to use the restroom,” he lied as he went.
Fly turned and watched him go, but she did not follow or object or speak at all. Thorax did feel a flare of shame for her meddling well up within her as he left her proximity though, and that only made Thorax feel even worse still. He hurried on into the back bathroom and locked himself inside, taking a series of deep breaths to try and calm himself before slowly collapsing to the floor when that failed, letting his disguise fall and allowing the well of emotions he didn’t even realize he had been bottling up to release, starting softly before gradually building until they gushed out, then steadily tapering off again as Thorax began to ponder what had just happened.
Initially he was more concerned about getting these pent-up emotions out, and spent some minutes lying there on the bathroom mat doing so, trying to restore his composure fully. Once he had begun to rebuild his self-control though, confusion started to sink in, uncertain why this all had affected him so much. Sitting back up, he turned his gaze to his reflection in the bathroom mirror, staring at the undisguised changeling face that stared back while he mulled upon the matter.
Where had these pent-up emotions come from? And what was it about Fly’s words that had stirred them up so much that caused them to be released in force? What was this inexplicable ache that had appeared in his chest, an ache that didn’t seem to be physical but more internal than that, a feeling that Thorax couldn’t recall having ever experienced before and couldn’t explain or identify? Was it guilt in the awareness he was living a lie that he didn’t like continually in front of a pony he had in many ways come to trust as a friend? Was it worry in that Fly was, knowingly or not, prying into private matters he didn’t want to, or was not prepared to, discuss? Or was it fear, that Fly could actually be right, and that she had real cause for concern for Thorax’s future? And if so, was it concern that Thorax should be sharing? Was he perhaps not as content where he was in life as he once was? Or had he never been content and had only convinced himself he was, and now Fly had made him see the reality?
Whatever the case, as he uncomfortably looked back on Fly words, it started to sink in that she still had one point he had to confess was accurate. He didn’t want to admit it…but there did seem to be something there between him and Trixie. Up to now, he had assumed it was simply a sense of friendship—something Thorax was more than happy to promote, of course. But now that Fly had made him aware of it, he realized this didn’t feel quite the same as some of his other friendships. Not even his strong friendship with Spike felt quite like this…and the implications intimidated Thorax, not sure what to make of this realization, much less decide if it was a good thing or a bad thing.
Part of him stood by what he had told Fly; regardless of where he and Trixie actually stood on things, admitted or not, it would be unwise to pursue something more than friendship with her, for a number of reasons. But one was the painful fact that he knew he hadn’t been fully truthful with Trixie. He had told Trixie nothing about his true identity, so that as far as she knew, he was still just a unicorn stallion named Thornton. However, this lie had already been weighing heavily on him, and now he was even more conscious of just how wrong it felt, increased ten-fold or so it felt at that moment. Yet he knew that for his own safety, it had to stay that way, as much as he hated it.
Still it now occurred to him that while he had kept that matter secret…looking back, he had been startlingly upfront with Trixie about nearly everything else regarding himself, both in person and in their letters. Though he naturally had concealed the precise details so she wouldn’t put two with two, Thorax had even discreetly told her stories about his life back in his hive, and things about his, generally poor, relations with his changeling brethren…though as before he never named them specifically as such to her so she would remain unsuspecting of his true nature. There were a few tales he had related to Trixie that not even Spike would know…which was only all that more startling. He was forced to admit that there was something about Trixie that he trusted, something that made him perfectly comfortable relating things to her that he had habitually kept to himself and not told anyone else, something that set her apart from the rest. But…what? And did that really suggest there was more between them than he cared to admit, as Fly suggested?
It seemed ridiculous to even suggest; he was a changeling, and Trixie was not. They were not even of the same species. It was one thing to ask for her friendship, which was innocuous enough, but…a relationship between a pony and a changeling? It was something Thorax knew plenty of changelings back in his hive would balk at the mere suggestion of. It just wasn’t done among changelings. And in a way Thorax could see why, as just the very idea of an interspecies relationship made him…uncomfortable.
And yet, here he was, actually pondering if it was possible.
He continued to stare at his reflection, studying his changeling face. He asked himself if it would even matter anyway; surely Trixie wouldn’t want to do with anything that looked like this if she knew the truth. He would be so alien to her, and in some ways she was still alien to him as well, her being a member of species he was still regularly reminded to this day that he didn’t understand as well as he thought, even after living among them for all this time.
Though he was looking at the matter like a changeling would; changeling courting didn’t work like it seemed to do with ponies. But then he also hadn’t been expecting to be put in a situation where he would have to; this all was blindsiding him entirely, caught in the middle something much bigger than he ever anticipated being in. When he first met Trixie, he had no idea he could end up in such a situation. He hadn’t taken any of the proper steps to get to this point. In fact, he felt like it was almost all going out of order.
He hadn’t even meant to get to this point, and already he felt like he was messing it up.
Thorax began to wonder just what it was he had gotten himself into, because whatever it was, he was in no way prepared for it. Fly couldn’t actually be right about this, could she? But then that turmoil of emotions would well up deep within Thorax every time, and he was forced to ask the question he couldn’t yet answer: what if she is?
Thorax didn’t know how long he had sat there in the bathroom, caught in this tug of war of indecisiveness and uncertainty, but it certainly had to be a good long while, and however long it actually was, it was a veritable roller coaster of emotions for every moment of it. Finally though, reality chose to snap Thorax back out of his reverie when there was a sudden knocking on the door.
“Hey, you in there, bud?” he heard Spike call from the other side.
“Uh, yeah, yeah I am,” Thorax said, pulling his eyes off of his reflection that he had been staring at for what might have been hours for all he knew. “What’s up?”
“Just checking up on you,” Spike replied. “Fly said you had been in there for a while now, but couldn’t tell me why.” Thorax sensed a flare of mild concern waft from the dragon and through the closed door. “…you okay?”
Thorax turned his gaze back on his reflection for a long moment before replying. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine,” he said, but inwardly, he was thinking, No, I’m NOT fine.
Spike seemed to suspect as such. “You sure?” he asked gently. “Do you need to talk or anything?”
Thorax hesitated. Talking it out with someone else might actually help, but Thorax recoiled at the idea, not wanting to have to face the subject, and instead chose to hide from it again. “No, I’m okay, really,” he assured a second time, restoring his disguise again. “I’ll be out in a moment.”
And sure enough he shortly thereafter stepped out, having buried his conflicting thoughts and emotions on the troubling problem as deep into his psyche as he could. As if nothing had happened, he then got back to work on the project he had left, or at least what was left of it that still remained unfinished, as Fly Leaf had gone ahead and made further progress on it without him. But he did so in something of an uneasy daze, still left uncomfortable by the sudden revelations he had to face today. He sought to bring back the more familiar mentality he had before but was only partly successful, as thoughts on the matter weren’t so easily ignored. He did all he could to push them aside, deciding there were more pressing things to focus on for now.
This included avoiding Fly Leaf as much as he could though, fearing that if he was left alone in her presence for too long, she’d try to bring up the subject again and force Thorax to face what he wasn’t prepared to once more. He tried to ensure he was in a different room from Fly Leaf as much as he could, and when he couldn’t, he strove to ensure that either Spike was in the room with them (knowing that as Spike was unaware of the situation, Fly would avoid bringing it up in his presence without Thorax’s permission) or that Thorax could start the conversation and lead it somewhere far away from the topic as he could, keeping Fly engaged in thinking about other matters. By doing this, he proved successful staying away from Fly entirely for the rest of the day, and they rarely spoke again. Thorax went to bed that night secretly relieved he had managed to avoid the subject coming back up, content for now in procrastinating facing it.
But by the following Sunday morning he realized he wasn’t in the clear yet; if he joined Fly Leaf for guizhou fa practice as they usually did in the mornings, that would be her chance to confront him again. Fearing this, Thorax instead woke up but didn’t arise. Instead, he remained in his sleeping nest, uneasily staring at the far wall as he avoided leaving to join Fly for practice, wondering if the others would let him do so without noticing.
It didn’t seem likely when Spike woke up about an hour later and was surprised to see Thorax was still in the room when he typically wasn’t by this hour. “You’re still in here?” he asked. “Aren’t you and Fly going to practice that guizhou-whatever stuff?”
“Uh, I’m not feeling up to it today,” Thorax lied, avoiding eye contact.
Spike frowned, tilting his head at his changeling friend as he clambered off the window seat that served as his bed and trotted over to him. “Is something wrong?” he asked in concern. “Are you feeling okay?”
Not really, Thorax thought to himself. “I’m fine, Spike,” he assured, giving the dragon a grin. “I just…wasn’t in the mood this morning.”
Spike frowned, not quite convinced, but he opted to take Thorax at his word, not pressing the matter further. “Well, all right then,” he said.
He then proceeded to get dressed in his usual disguise and exited the room, heading downstairs to start the day. Thorax, however, continued to linger alone in their room, starting to dread leaving it now. If Spike was going to question him skipping guizhou fa practice, then Fly Leaf certainly would too and wonder what was up. Other than the truth though, which he didn’t want to confess, he didn’t really have a good excuse why, except repeat what he had told Spike, that he just wasn’t in the mood for it, and he knew Fly wouldn’t be satisfied with that. However he also knew he couldn’t stay up here forever. That would only draw more suspicion to himself from all parties.
So after waiting another half hour, breakfast drawing near and no doubt ready soon, he finally rose, raised his disguise, and hesitantly nudged his way out the door and into the hallway beyond. He started to turn for the staircase, only to find Fly Leaf was mounting the top of the stairs herself, stopping when she saw Thorax. Of course.
“There you are,” Fly remarked aloud when she saw him, pausing between stair steps. “Spike thought you were still up here. You missed practicing guizhou fa with me.”
“Uh, yeah, I, uh, wasn’t in the mood,” Thorax quickly covered and moved to hurry around Fly and start down the staircase. He wished he could do the parkour trick Spike could, and simply divert around Fly by skipping himself off the wall adjacent, slipping past her. “Is breakfast ready?”
Fly, however, gently moved a hoof to bar his path, giving him a troubled look. “Thornton, have you been avoiding me?”
Thorax sighed. And there it was. “Yes,” he admitted, deciding he might as well get it over with.
“Oh Thornton,” she said, how much that bothered her being quite clear. She sat herself down on the top step of the stairs. “Look, can we talk about that for a second?” She patted the stair with one hoof, motioning for Thorax to join her. “I promise to not be too pressuring this time.”
Thorax hesitated, but sensing in Fly’s emotions that she was greatly troubled by all of this too, he sighed and relented. He sat himself down beside her and waited for her to begin.
Fly took a long moment to gather her thoughts first though. “Look, Thornton,” she began, sounding distressed. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable yesterday, when we were talking. That wasn’t at all my intent.”
“I know,” Thorax admitted. He sighed once more. “I guess I was just…woefully unprepared to hear what you had to say.”
“I’m starting to realize that, yes.” Fly fell quiet for a moment. “I’m still apologizing anyway…I should’ve just kept my mouth shut and stayed out of it.”
“No, no,” Thorax assured, not wanting her to take the blame for this, knowing she didn’t mean for any of this to happen. “I know you didn’t mean to. I…maybe I should’ve been more willing to listen.” He felt a shudder run down his back as he felt that pesky and longing ache reappear in his chest. “Maybe it was all something I needed to hear anyway.” He snorted, as the apt meaning of his own words sank in. “It’s not like ignoring it is going to make it go away, at least.”
Fly managed a small grin. “Probably not,” she agreed.
“It’s just something that’s a bit…” Thorax hated his sappy choice of words for this, but he couldn’t think of a better way to put it at the moment. “…close to the heart, not something I’m prepared to openly discuss…and we were getting too close to it yesterday.”
“I understand,” Fly assured. “For the record though, I only brought it up at all because I was just trying to help you…suggesting what I thought might be worthwhile for you to pursue.”
Thorax was quiet for a moment. “I’m happy enough right now, Miss Fly,” he pointed out.
“‘Enough’ being the key word here.” Fly glanced over at him. “Thornton, I was trying to convey that I was concerned you aren’t…thinking in regards of what possibilities might be available to you.”
“I suppose a relationship would be one of them, then,” Thorax conceded flatly.
Fly nudged him gently. “Don’t tell me it’s not something you aren’t interested in pursuing someday.”
Thorax shrugged. “I had always planned to cross that bridge when I came to it.”
“And if you’re at that bridge now?”
Thorax didn’t reply. He wasn’t sure how to.
Fly was quiet for a moment, playing with her hooves. “Thornton, whatever you do, I’d just like you to be happy. I know you well enough now to know you deserve that much. There’s just…more I feel you could be doing about it, a lot you seem to be deliberately ignoring. Trixie is just the latest example…but you seem intent on letting all of these pass you by.”
Thorax snorted half-heartedly. “I’ve taken the initiative for other things I hadn’t before. Studied magic, made cheese, learn to fly an airship...”
“So would one more really be so bad? And anyway, have you even stopped to consider what you will do with any of that in the future? About where you are going in life, beyond the here and now?”
Thorax blinked repeatedly to himself, and momentarily found himself unable to reply. He thought about how he wished to bring friendship between ponies and changelings which still wasn’t complete. “I have other things I need to do first,” he reasoned, a technical truth.
And Fly didn’t challenge it. “And that’s fine, it really is.” She gazed at him with concern. “But what about when you have finished with that? Where are you going to go afterwards? What are you going to do in the meantime?”
Thorax thought about it for a moment. He did see that he had been so focused on that one goal, and completing it seeming so far off in light of his banishment and going into hiding that it had been a very long time since he stopped to think about what he’d do with himself afterwards if he ever completed that goal. And what if that goal really does prove to be insurmountable? He still believed that wouldn’t be the case and that it was still possible to achieve…but it could still be a long time before it came about…and he started to see what Fly was getting at. What else could he at least be doing with himself in the meantime? “I’m not sure, Miss Fly. I…I guess I hadn’t really thought too much about it.”
“You see why I feel obligated to bring it up then, right?” She tilted her head at Thorax. “Where would you like to be, Thornton? Or are you going to stay here and just keep working here like before for the rest of your life, on your own except for your friend the dragon?”
Thorax was quiet for a moment. “…would that be so wrong?”
“I suppose not, if that’s what you really want. And indeed, you’re still welcome to stay here and do that for however long you want. But it’s not the only thing you could be doing. Don’t you want more? To meet new ponies, new friends? To build a career for yourself? To build a family of your own? To find your place and purpose? Do something to be remembered for?”
Thorax opened and closed his mouth a few times, finding her words stirring. It was true that staying in hiding had prevented him from trying to explore a great many things he might have otherwise tried by now. But having spent so many moons thinking they weren’t a possibility to him anymore, he found it hard to consider what some of them might be. “What is it you want me to do then, Miss Fly?” he asked softly.
Fly didn’t reply right away. “Just to look beyond where you’re at now…at what else you could have.”
Thorax licked his lips yet again. “Like Trixie,” he said, bringing the conversation full circle as he suspected that was Fly’s intent. He shuddered at the thought, feeling that ache in his chest reappear.
Fly nodded. “Yes.” She was quiet for a moment. “Thornton, forgive me for asking directly but…where do you stand on her? It’s clear to me that she’s showing signs of affection for you…so I suppose I’m asking if it’s being returned at all.”
Thorax hesitated, his mind whirling the possibilities around his head. “I don’t know,” he admitted finally. “That’s most of what the problem is, really.”
“Ah,” Fly said, nodding her head, understanding. She grinned faintly. “I suppose this is all a bit new for you, then?”
Thorax nodded. “It sort of makes it hard to know what to do when you don’t fully understand just what it is you’ve gotten into.” Fly chuckled a little at how he chose to phrase it. Thorax grinned faintly, but he didn’t chuckle too. He shook his head then glanced at the orange mare beside him. “I don’t know…what do you think I should do?”
Fly studied him for a second. “I think you need to at least…clear the air…between you and Trixie. Work out where you two actually stand on things, and if there really is something going on between you two, figure out if that’s something either of you would even like to do.”
Thorax let out his breath in a whoosh. “That’s just it, with how complicated it’d be…” he trailed off and frowned, finding one concern rising up over all the others. It caught in his throat slightly as he moved to speak it aloud, but he still felt he needed to say it. “I’m…I’m not sure I’d be…ready.”
Fly grinned. “Well, don’t get too far ahead of yourself,” she said. “You and Trixie are still budding, after all. Take it slow. A lot could happen still.”
Thorax studied her for a long moment, tasting her emotions faintly. “You really think there’s something between us, though?”
Fly didn’t reply right away, but finally she nodded. “I do,” she admitted. She shrugged. “Call it a hunch if you must… but if I may, I think there is a definite interest between you two, and I think it’d be a great shame if nothing became of it.” She glanced at Thorax. “At the very least…I can confidently say that I think Trixie’s interested in exploring it, and by keeping in close contact as she has, she’s already taken steps to do so. And I think you have your own interest in her, Thornton.” She grinned a little teasingly. “It’s that silly grin you get whenever you get to thinking about her that clues me in on that.”
Thorax thought about it for a second, grinning a little as he let his gaze wander.
“Yeah see, that’s the grin I’m talking about,” Fly said, nudging Thorax with one hoof. She sighed. “And yet…you seemed completely oblivious to it…missing all the hints…”
“So finally you just up and told me,” Thorax guessed.
Fly nodded. “Maybe I was wrong to do so,” she admitted. “But…I can’t see it being a bad thing…at least it’d get you socializing more.” she turned to face him suddenly. “I mean, you and Spark are such a nice pair…but neither of you really do much to socialize much, to go out and meet new ponies.”
Thorax sighed. “We have reasons for that, Miss Fly,” he admitted.
“It’s such a lonely way to live though…don’t you want that sort of companionship you’ve both been missing out on?”
Thorax hadn’t really thought about it before. “Do I?” he asked, rhetorically.
Fly answered anyway with a nod. “I think you do. And why not do it now? I mean, it’s not as if you’re going anywhere.”
“I might be, you never know.”
Fly reached out with one hoof and soothingly hooked it around Thorax’s. “Thornton…it hasn’t escaped my attention that, when you and Spike both came into this shop for the first time, looking for work, you both made it very clear that you did not intend to stay long. And yet, you’re both still here.” She averted her gaze briefly to collect her thoughts, before returning her gaze to him. “I haven’t said anything about it up to now…because I believed it wasn’t important to do so, until either of you thought it important enough to mention on your own. And thus far you hadn’t.” She gave Thorax’s hoof a squeeze. “But now that the subject’s come up…I’m perfectly aware that neither of you really want to be the wanderers you claim you are. You both came to Vanhoover more to look for some place to settle down and make a living…it’s just you both found it sooner than you were expecting.” She gazed at him for a long moment. “I think you know that too…don’t you? So don’t you think it’s time you both stopped holding yourselves back and just embrace it?”
Thorax sighed and shook his head at her, closing his eyes. “No, we didn’t come here to Vanhoover by choice,” he admitted. “We came here because we didn’t have any place else to go. And because of that…we have reasons to be hesitant to really…settle in.” Thorax took on a faraway gaze for a long moment. “I know Spark’s been slow to do it, but I had always thought I had been doing better at it than he was…” he thought about how he had been handling life in Vanhoover a week at a time, always thinking, but not always acknowledging, that it might not last, and one day he’d have to move on. “…maybe I haven’t though.”
Fly gave an encouraging smile. “I wish you two would tell me what those reasons are,” she said.
Thorax was quiet for a moment. “Maybe someday we will.”
The conversation fell silent after that for several more moments. Then Fly patted Thorax’s hoof and stood up. “Well, food for thought at any rate,” she concluded. “Whatever you choose to do Thornton…do what you think is best for you, and what would make you the happiest. If you really think you and Trixie isn’t a good idea, then don’t you let me tell you what to do. Sometimes I like to think otherwise…but I really don’t always know what’s best. All I really want from you is to pursue what the future could bring you…whatever it might be.” She started to head down the stairs, leaving Thorax sitting still at the top, but after a few steps, she then stopped and glanced back at him. “It’s just…take it from an old bachelorette like me who never got around to finding her significant other. It’s easy to get caught up in the here and now and keep putting it off…only to realize one day you wish you hadn’t. I just don’t want to see you making that same mistake, Thornton.”
And then with that sobering thought, she turned and continued trotting down the stairs, leaving Thorax sitting at the top, lost in deep thought.