//------------------------------// // 1: Enter The Brothers // Story: The Super Speedy Warp'n Weavy 3000 // by Void Knight //------------------------------// 3rd of Ardeurmois, 0 ER It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the sky was brilliant blue, and it was neither too warm nor too cold. It was a welcome contrast to Chroma’s perpetual thunderstorm, which had recently ruled the skies over Ponyville and the Everfree and had nearly washed the town away before the Knights of Harmony had claimed their elements and driven away the mad alicorn. Baroness Dame Adagio Dazzle wriggled slightly in her seat, luxuriating in the perfect weather, the delicious lunch she was enjoying, and the company of her friends. From its perch atop her mane, the Element of Magic radiated contentment and approval. She’d forgotten how nice it could be to have friends. Between her parent’s death and her own confirmation, she’d had many acquaintances, and even a few allies, but no true friends. Most of those of her own rank she didn’t dare trust, the tactics she’d been forced to use meant that the rest didn’t trust her, and those few that she could trust, most prominently Iron Will and Suri Polomare, were too far below her in rank for a proper friendship. But now she had five real friends, ponies whom she knew she could trust and who, thanks to Queen Chrysalis’s knighting, were more or less of a rank with her. “Nice work on the weather, Aria,” Adagio remarked to one of those five before carefully grasping a shell of folded bread stuffed with vegetable drenched in sauce in her field. Sonata Dusk’s “foldies” were delicious, but Adagio had learnt the hard way over the past few weeks that squeezing one the wrong way could squirt the contents of the bread shell all over her. It had taken Suri hours to get the stains out. “Thanks,” replied Aria Blaze with a shrug. Then she snorted. “I’m just glad Chroma hasn’t decided to make her return. Wonder what she’s up to?” “I don’t even dare guess,” replied Adagio. “I’m more worried about Echidna. We hit Chroma with the Elements, twice. That’s got to have had some impact on her. Plus, even before the Elements Chroma wasn’t quite as cruel as Echidna. She might have been crazy, but she did let the Ponyvillians alone after they bowed to her.” “I bet I can make a guess at what those two are doing to each other,” chimed in Lightning Dust. “Two smoking hot mares who’ve been locked away for centuries? They’re going to be wanting to scratch some itches, if you get my meaning.” There was a splortching noise as Starlight Glimmer squeezed her foldie too hard. Luckily, the contents went all over the table instead of all over her. “Lightning, that is disgusting!” she said, “Where did that idea get into your head? I thought you were into stallions.” Her eyes narrowed and she pulled away from Lightning Dust a bit. “Lightning, is there something I should know about you?” Lightning burst out laughing. “Cadance’s wings, no! Don’t worry, Starling, your virtue’s safe with me,” she replied, shifting on the bench to throw a leg over Starlight’s withers. “Strictly stallions for this mare. But you don’t have to be into mares to know what looks hot to those who do. And Chroma and Echidna may be deranged maneiacs who threaten to usher in an era of darkness, but they’re also prime specimens of “athletic sexy” and “classical beauty”, respectively.” Starlight slapped Lightning in the face with her foldie shell. “Honestly, Lightning, does it never cross your mind that two ponies might not succumb to their hormones at the earliest possible opportunity like rutting bonobos?” “Nope!” replied Lightning with a grin, before taking another gulp of beer. “You know, do we even know if Chroma and Echidna were into mares?” wondered Adagio. “I wish I could get another chat with Magic, there’s so much we don’t know.” “I know, I know,” said Starlight. “But there isn’t exactly a lot of reliable information on the Elements, and what I have uncovered suggests that we were Harlequin-touched lucky you even got one chat. I haven’t been able to find even one reliable account of the Elements talking to their Bearers before we got ahold of them.” Magic sent a brief flash of rebuke at Adagio. She winced internally. She hadn’t realized how her words would sound. I still have a lot to learn about being a friend, she thought, doing her best to emote contrition back at Magic. “Sorry,” she said out loud. “It’s just a little disturbing, realizing how much is going on that we don’t understand.” “You can say that again,” said Starlight. There was a moment’s pause, while Adagio and (presumably) her friends reflected on the revelations the Element of Magic had dumped onto them during her vision in Master Tirek’s cave. Adagio once again reminded herself to look up Master Tirek in the history books. She had a gut feeling that the crazy old centaur knew more about the Elements of Harmony that he had let on at the time. She was even beginning to suspect that he might have been the sixth Bearer of the Elements, alongside the five loyal alicorns. “I probably should make a dirty joke at this point, to relieve the tension, but nothing’s coming to mind,” chimed in Lightning Dust. “Though speaking of relieving tension…” Adagio’s horn lit up, and an amber aura formed around Lightning Dust’s mouth. Her lips continued to move, but no sound came out. “Thank you,” said Starlight. Evidently giving up on talking until Adagio unmuted her, Lightning finished off her beer mug and then switched to making funny faces. A few moments later, Sonata trotted by their table, an empty tray across her back. “Hey, Dagi,” she asked, “When will Iron and Suri be getting back here? I miss the big guy already.” “That’s just because he always pays extra,” said Adagio with a laugh. “Hey!” said Sonata, fake-incensed. “I like Iron Will for a lot more than just his bits!” There was a moment of absolute silence as everypony processed what Sonata had just said, then Lightning Dust slumped in her seat and began to shake with silent laughter. The earth pony’s cheeks went from blue to purple as she blushed. “Well,” said Sonata eventually, “unlike some ponies, Iron Will always has something nice to say. It’s a trait more ponies could stand to emulate.” “Not going to argue with that one,” admitted Adagio, “I love that about him too. And Iron and Suri should be getting back from Canterlot sometime early tomorrow.” “Yay!” chirped Sonata, then she cocked her ears. “Whups, the fish is singing. I gotta run!” Suiting action to word, she disappeared back into the kitchen at a dash. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “You know, I still can’t believe that she uses the Element of Kindness to cook with,” remarked Adagio some time later, as she trotted back towards her manor. “Or rather, I suppose I can believe it, it’s very Sonata, but it still doesn’t feel right.” “Why not?” asked Aria from alongside her. “If the Element didn’t want to be used to cook things, why would it turn into a cooking implement? Besides, it works really well. She hasn’t burnt a thing in that pan yet.” “I know, it just feels weird. Somehow the concepts of “ancient artifacts of phenomenal cosmic power” and “cooking lunch” don’t feel like they should go together. It’s like if you were reading through The Fall Of Roam and there was a passage declaring the glories of Sweet Apple cider.” “Well, is that really any weirder than the fact that we have the Elements in the first place?” retorted Aria. “The Elements aren’t just legends and stories anymore. This, us sitting here and eating foldies, this is just as much part of the saga of the Elements as the sealing of the Fallen.” Before Adagio could reply, a new voice rang out. “Well, lookie what we got here, brother of mine, it's the same in every town Come, my little ponies, come and gather round.” Adagio glanced up to see that a large house-wagon-thingy had pulled up in the middle of Everfree Square. A unicorn with a cream-colored coat and a bright red mane clad in a striped suit and a straw bowler hat had climbed out of the wagon and was singing at an incredible rate, head thrown back and forelegs lifted high. “For I am Flim,” sang the unicorn, “And I am Flam,” sang a second unicorn, identical to the first save for the presence of a bright red mustache, as he leapt out of the wagon. “And we’re the world famous Flim Flam Brothers,” sang the two in unison. “Traveling artificers nonpariel.” “Nonpawhat?” interjected Apple Bloom. “Nonpareil,” repeated the one with the mustache, “and that's exactly the reason why, you see, Nowhere else can you find this wonderful opportunity. “For I am Flim,” sang the one without the mustache. “And I am Flam,” sang the one with the mustache. “And we’re the world famous Flim Flam Brothers.” “Traveling artificers nonpareil.” Both horns lit up with identical bright green auras as dozens of assorted items were levitated out of the interior of their cart. “We bring lights to light your house,” sang Flim. “A trap to catch a mouse,” sang Flam. “A skillet to cook a meal,” “A tool to apples peel,” “And this, my ponies, is just the start,” “Of the wonders in our cart,” “But first, before we share our hoard,” “We must seek out the local lord,” “For we must have with her a word,” “And she your lengthy song has heard,” sang Adagio as she stepped into the square, her own horn glowing amber. “What you seek is here at hand,” she continued. “I am the mistress of this land,” “Let us repair to my own place,” “And there you may present your case.” “Raindrops, keep an eye on these gentleponies’ cart while we’re talking, would you,” said Adagio, dropping out of song. The two unicorns climbed down a set of stairs that extended from the door of their house-wagon, and Raindrops promptly trotted over to take a seat on the steps. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Adagio took a seat behind her desk, briefly wishing that Suri was there. Though the earth pony mare was no longer Adagio’s servant, she was still her assistant and companion, and Adagio could use her insights in dealing with these peculiar ponies. “Well, gentlestallions, I believe you had something to discuss with me?” said Adagio. “Why, as it happens, yes we do,” sang the one with the moustache. “My lady, have we got a deal for you!” sang the one without the moustache. “A chance to get in on the next great thing,” “Cock your ears, opportunity’s knocking,” “For I am Flim,” sang the one with the moustache. “And I am Flam,” sang the one without the moustache. “And we’re the world famous Flim Flam brothers, Traveling artificers nonpareil,” they continued in unison. Wait a moment, thought Adagio. Wasn’t the one with the mustache Flam when they were doing this song back in the square “And my brother and I have something most unique and superb” “Unseen at any time in this big new world” I must have just lost track of which of them’s which. They really are so close to identical it’s creepy. And that song doesn’t help matters. They’re good at juggling their song until you lose track of who said what. Very hypnotic, if you don’t know how to counter such things. “Oh we’ve got opportunity In this very community” Ok, this is getting silly. Adagio’s horn lit up amber and she stepped into the song. “Eloquence is silver, But brevity is gold. Could you get to the point Before we all grow old?” The unicorn brothers looked taken aback, but continued their song gamely. “To come to the point then, and frankly speak,” sang one. “We from you patronage seek.” “Ideas we have, which a fortune could bring,” “But we lack enough funding, and a noble’s ring.” “Give us funding and backing, and we’ll repay you tenfold.” “And we offer proof of our skills. Behold!” The one with the mustache ignited his horn and levitated what seemed to be a set of annotated blueprints over to Adagio. “The unbelievable “Unimpeachable” “Indispensable” “I-can't-believe-able” “Flim Flam Brothers' Super Speedy Warp’n Weavy Three Thousaaaaand!” They dragged out the last syllable into a crescendo, before snapping shut their mouths and taking identical bows. “Okay, so what am I looking at here?” asked Adagio, squinting curiously at the blueprints. As a properly educated noblemare, she had a good grasp of basic magical theory, but these blueprints were as opaque to her as if they’d been written in Lóng Huà. “The Super Speedy Warp’n Weavy Three Thousand,” said one of the brothers “A revolutionary development in automagic and fashion.” said the other. “Capable of cutting, stitching, and sewing a perfectly fitted dress or suit for any body type within minutes.” “And with our new chromatic relationship modules, it can even select colors and styles to best accent its wearer’s unique appearance.” “Making clothing available even to the common pony.” “And making you a considerable sum of money should you choose to back it.” “A mere five hundred gold or so should be sufficient for us to acquire the remaining supplies and materials to build this device.” “And in return, you would receive up to fifty percent of the profits from this device.” “And this is merely one device, we have ideas for dozens more.” Adagio’s head was beginning to spin as the two brothers talked faster and faster, volleying their lines back and forth like a pair of fencers. “And there is very minimal risk to you. Even should The Super Speedy Warp’n Weavy Three Thousand not be a success, you would still have us in your service.” “We have strong horns and clever minds, and you’ve already heard our singing voices should you want evening entertainment.” “Or if you are interested in the other form of evening entertainment, we would be willing to oblige, for sufficient recompense.” “I’m sure we’d be able to earn our keep in some fashion or the other.” Adagio felt a burst of outrage at the brother’s innuendo, but refused to let it show on her face. Instead, she ignited her horn and channeled the outrage into a sharp-edged blade of sound that cut across Flim and Flam’s pitch. “Enough. I’ll need to think about your proposal, and there is a crowd of ponies outside waiting to buy your more regular wares. Go take care of them, I will get back to you when I have made a decision one way or the other.” The two stallions exchanged a quick glance before trotting out of the room. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Adagio flipped through her ledgers, wishing again that Suri were there. She could use somepony else to check her numbers, and to share her thoughts with. Unfortunately, Suri wouldn’t get back from the capital until the next day, and there really wasn’t anypony else that Adagio shared quite that same level of casual intimacy with. Even her other four friends were simply too new for the relationship to feel quite so natural. I want to help them. I desperately need more businesses and trade in my lands, and if those two can do what they say they can they’d be a gift from Harmony. But I don’t really know them, and becoming their patron would be a pretty big commitment. Perhaps I could just loan them the money they say they need? That would still be a risk, but much less of one. Between some clever politics and the reward from Queen Chrysalis for her and her friends’ actions when Chroma had assaulted Ponyville, she’d managed to pay off most of the debts that Fancy Pants’s mismanagement had saddled her with. Even so, five hundred gold livres would strain her finances to the breaking point. On the other hoof, the payoff if it worked would be huge. Suri would love this, floated across her mind. She was always complaining about how unicorns have an unfair advantage at tailoring because telekinesis is so much more versatile than mouth and hooves. If this thing works the way I think it works, it will take that difference out of the equation. It will be purely down to the creative skill of the pony in question. Baroness Dame Adagio Dazzle raised her head, her mind made up. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Thirty bits from the mare in the back! Thirty bits is bid, do I hear thirty-five?” As Flam chanted from the cart’s folding stage, Flim rummaged through the brothers’ stock, looking for anything else that might be popular. A large part of the trick was to never stop selling once they’d started. Even going off with Baroness Dazzle like that had been a calculated risk, though luckily it seemed to have whetted the crowd’s appetite. But the minute they stopped pulling out items and were forced to wait for requests, the fervor that drove the crowd would fade. “Thirty bits going once, Thirty bits going twice… Sold! To the yellow mare with the red bow for thirty silver bits.” The mare in question trotted forward to receive her purchase, an automagical-cranked four-spindle apple peeler. Flim stepped back into the carriage, and Flam stepped forward to take his place, levitating his find in his aura. “Mares and Gentlestallions, the next item on our list comes to you all the way from the Minoan City-States, beyond the borders of the Heartlands. A genuine hand-carved minotaur puzzle cube, deceptively simple yet endlessly engaging. You will observe that each of the individual squares has been stained one of six different shades. By rotating the individual layers like so-” Flam twisted the cube with his magic, demonstrating how it was to be operated. “-it is possible to get all the squares of a given shade on one side, such that each side is a single color. But possible is by no means easy. What am I bid for this wonder?” “Three jangles!” shouted a colt from near the front. “Three jangles? Really, three jangles for such an exotic treasure as this? Very well, three jangles from the colt in the funny hat. Would anyone care to make a bit more serious bid?” “Six jangles!” called out a lilac unicorn filly from the other side of the front arc. “Seven!” retorted the colt. Flim took a breath, and when there were no immediate replies resumed his chant. “Very well, seven jangles is bid. Do I hear twelve? Seven jangles going once, Seven jangles going-” “Two sous!” A familiar voice cut through Flam’s patter like a knife, and he glanced up to see the Baroness at the back, where she must have just arrived. “Very well, two bits from Baroness Dazzle. Would anyone care to make it five? Two bits going once, two bits going twice… Sold! To Baroness Dazzle at two silver bits.” The Baroness trotted forward and passed the brothers their bits. “Once you’re finished here, come back up to my house,” she said quietly as she took her purchase. “I have looked over your blueprints, and I have a proposition for you.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Much later, after most of Ponyville had left for dinner, Flim and Flam trotted up to Baroness Dazzle’s house. Behind them, their wagon was locked and what security spells they could lay were in place upon it. As they trotted up, Flam allowed a small flicker of hope to begin to grow inside him. If Baroness Dazzle was interested enough to make a proposition, then the brothers had already gotten past the first obstacle to their success. Now, “proposition” could mean a lot of different things, but Flim was hoping that the Baroness was about to offer them a patronage contract. A full contract of patronage would mean the brothers would become part of Baroness Dazzle’s household. It would mean that she would be bound to provide them with a decent salary, a budget to invent with, and her protection from other nobles and powerful ponies. It would mean security, safety, and a chance to bring their dreams to life without having to worry about money or noble wrath. Of course, it wouldn’t be a totally one-sided arrangement. As their patron, Baroness Dazzle would have the authority to dictate what they could or could not build, and she would take half (or maybe more, depending on the exact details of the contract) of the profits from their inventions. But even half a large fortune was still a small fortune, and Flam was confident that the Baroness would approve of at least some of their ideas. A pony in the Baroness’s orange and purple livery answered the door and escorted them to the study, where the Baroness was waiting for them. “Well, sirs,” said Baroness Dazzle, “I’ve reviewed your proposal, and while your ideas are impressive, I’m not prepared to offer you patronage on just words.” Flam flinched internally. “However,” said Baroness Dazzle, emphasizing the word carefully, “I am prepared to lend you five hundred livres to build your automagical clothing maker. If I am sufficiently impressed by your work when it is finished, I may offer you a contract of patronage. Naturally, should I do so the loan would be wiped out. And if I am not interested in offering you my patronage, or if you do not wish to accept it once the machine is finished, you will still have the finished machine, and should be able to use the money it brings in to repay the loan.” And if anything goes wrong, thought Flim, we lose everything. If we can’t get the machine to work, or if it isn’t as big a hit as we think it will be, then she’ll take our cart and tools and stock to recoup her losses. And take us as indentured servants as well. If we take this offer, then either we win big, or we lose for good. “Well,” asked Baroness Dazzle. “What do you say?” The two brothers exchanged glances and nods. Each of them knew exactly what the other would say. They really didn’t have any choice. Baroness Dazzle was very nearly the last potential patron left. Either they took her offer, or they for all intents and purposes gave up on ever achieving their dreams. Better to try and fail then never try at all. “We accept,” said the brothers in unison.