Chapter 5: The first step
Sunset just lay there, sobbing. Somepony hugged her and talked soothingly to her, but it didn't matter. Was it Twilight? The voiced sounded familiar at least, but it didn't feel like it was supposed to do.
Another pony joined the hug. She felt warm tears on her coat that weren't hers. Did it mean anything to her? She asked herself but there was no answer inside her. Just emptiness.
More voices in the back. Words that didn't matter. Hooves on the floor.
Then, silence. Finally, she could think. But there was nothing to think. There was nothing at all. No voice inside her reminding her. No drive to make her stand up. Why care when she could just keep crying and not thinking.
The soft coat she pressed her muzzle in felt good. Warm. The floor didn't. Cold. Like inside her. Cold, and hard and rigid. She sobbed. Like the barrier she made. She made it and now she was cold too. She shivered.
Something covered her. Something soft and warm. She remembered that feeling. Feathers. Wings. Pegasus.
Fluttershy. She was warm, and she hugged her with soft wings once. Sunset remembered. She had been out, helping Fluttershy with some animals, bunnies perhaps. The rain started and the little critters got wet. They ran back towards the shelter. Fluttershy had been so eager to get the bunnies out the rain. Kindness came in yellow wings. She flew, Sunset kept running and fell back, then she stumbled. She remembered her face covered with mud. Fluttershy help her up and took her in. Yellow wings wrapped around her to safe her from the rain. Like she'd been a bunny as well. The wings were warm and soft.
But she wasn't. She was cold and hard. Fluttershy was gone. The wings felt warm against her but they couldn't replace how it felt. She'd never feel it again. Cold. Hard. Empty. Lonely. Lonely? Yes, she was lonely. She had been lonely before but then...
Friends. Rainbow Dash. Her lonely room, all by herself. She hadn't told anyone but Rainbow followed her. Stayed with her. All day. Laughing together, playing guitar. Blue wings of loyalty. She never touched them, but she knew they were as soft and warm. The wings around her were warm too, but they weren't Rainbow Dash. Still they felt nice.
How much time had passed? She didn't know. Nor care. Empty inside. Helpless. Unable to find a way. Applejack. She felt that helpless after the Fall Formal. Lonely and empty and afraid. She didn't know if she could ever look someone in the eyes again. How should behave? Honesty. Applejack knew and told her, showed her a way. Not the easiest one, but a way. Be honest to yourself and face what's ahead of you. Her mane had shimmered in the evening light. You can't change what you did, but you can learn from it and do better.
Sunset stirred. She curled up more under the wings and pressed into the warm flank. Thankful for the presence, even if it meant nothing. Only meaningless gestures, well intended or not. They couldn't make a difference, not now. How could they when she lost everything? Rarity. Her jacket was ripped, she threw it away. It was just clothing after all. Then the next day. Rarity had found in and fixed it. Went through all the stores to find the right things, worked all night on it. Until it had been perfect, even the cutie mark design on it. Why? It was just a piece of clothing, but it meant something to her. She did it because she knew. The smallest things could mean the world when done for a friend. Generosity, white and indigo mane spinning around her as Sunset hugged her friend. She just made it for her, to see her smile.
She'd lost any right smile. Her tears had run out, but she was still sad. So sad. She wanted to cry. To cry and never stop ever again. Everything else felt wrong. She deserved being sad, only sad. She'd lost any right smile, ever. Pinkie, bubbly, loud and silly. Talking to her loud and fast. If she didn't smile, she didn't feel happy. What kind of friend can help her friends if she's not happy? A logic she couldn't fight back then. Laughing together, curly pink mane bobbing up and down. Pink like the wing that wrapped around her and squeezed her gently.
Helping. Her friends after they helped her. Accepted her. But they were gone now. She couldn't do anything. Gone. Cold. Dark. Empty. Lonely.
Twilight had been lonely too. And hurt. And sad. And scared. So scared she saw no other way but dark magic. But Sunset knew. Understood. Related to her pain and fear. She reached out her hand and Twilight took it. The first friend she made herself. Helping her see there's more. Other ways. Better options. Difficult choices. Challenges, but never facing them alone. Friendship.
Friendship, even if it meant taking the hard way. Friendship, even if it meant sacrifices for yourself. Even sacrificing everything.
She had seen them. They were safe. Twilight had understood and would explain them. Would she have done the same? This time, an answer came from inside her. Yes, she would. Each of them would. She hadn't heard them, but those last moments. They knew it had to be done. They didn't judge her, they admired her for her courage. It had not been abandoning them. It had been saving both worlds, all friends in both worlds. Past, present and future.
Sunset slowly sat up. Crying was the easy way, they way she'd never chosen for herself. Not back then, not in Canterlot High and not now. Her friends wouldn't want her to give in. They would want her to push through. Carry on. Make the most of it. Be happy wherever she ended up. How did she know this?
Because she wanted the same for them. Without any doubt. They meant more than all the worlds to her. She wanted them to be happy and live on without her. And she would too. It was the hard way, but she'd never gone for easy ever. She could have followed Twilight back to Equestria after Fall Formal, but she stayed. Worked through and learned. It would be hard to smile again, knowing her friends were gone. But she'd do it for them. So she'd never forget and they'd never be forgotten. And for her, because it'd be what they wanted.
The voice reached her mind again and this time she turned around and looked at a face. A pony with purple coat, a pink and purple mane. And those eyes. Kind and curious and warm, but right now filled with concern, most likely about her. Twilight Sparkle, Princess Twilight from Equestria.
Then her eyes opened wide as she realized. Dear Celestia... she's their friend too. I made her loose them too. She opened her mouth to speak, but words couldn't find the words. Twilight's eyes filled with more concern and she tried to hug her again, but Sunset stopped her.
“Twilight...”
Her voice broke, rasp from all the crying.
“I... I couldn't... I had to... they're... they're...”
Twilight’s eyes filled with sadness and tears, her weak smile breaking apart.
“I know... I'm going to miss them so much...”
Sunset sobbed deeply as Twilight started crying and wrapped her hooves around the purple alicorn. They clung on each other and held each other close as their tears ran down silently. Sharing each others pain and offering what comfort they could give.
Pink wings encased both friends, just gently touching their shoulders. Sunset slightly turned her head to see Cadence. Her eyes were closed but tears ran down her cheeks as well while she tried to share their pain without pushing herself in. Cadence didn't know any of the human besides what Twilight told her maybe. Yet she was still mourning about them. And their loss.
My loss. She's concerned about me, despite what happened before.
Pink eyes opened and looked at her. Sunset forced a thankful smile to her lips, even though it felt wrong to smile. And probably would for a while. The Princess smiled back, the same caring smile she'd seen from Celestia years ago.
Sunset carefully untangled her hooves from Twilight and the purple alicorn slowly sat down, her hoof rubbing over her eyes before she looked at Sunset with a weaker version of the same smile.
Sunset looked at the cold ground. Her friends were gone and she was responsible for it. But even when they couldn't be with her, they helped her just with the memories they made together. Helped her in more ways than she had even realized. Helped her find herself again, like they did once. And even helped her find another friend perhaps.
The emptiness wasn't gone and it probably would never vanish completely. But it was not all consuming anymore as long as she kept those memories in her heart.
Sunset forced herself to her hooves and stood shakily, but determined. She refused to lie on the cold floor crying any longer. She would make this work out.
For her friends.