//------------------------------// // Chapter 12 - Healing. // Story: Pretence // by Kapuchu //------------------------------// Things had changed, as they were wont to do. It was not a bad thing by any means, but it was unavoidable. Vinyl's discussion with Lyra had brought an undeniable truth to light, one that she reveled in, but dreaded. She had feelings for Octavia. She cared for her, worried about her and, above all, wanted to be there for her. It was nothing more than a crush at this point in time, but that didn’t make it any less real. Lyra's words had forced Vinyl to confront her own feelings, but this was not the only thing to force change. What had happened a few days ago was among the most jarring things she had ever experienced. Fame and fortune never came without a prize: Overzealous fans, the occasional item thrown at her during a play, or thieves thinking her home a more enticing target. These were most often motivated by feelings that were understandable, if confusing. What she and Octavia had experienced, however, was something wholly different—malicious even. There had been no motivation for it beyond pure sadism and lust. They had been nothing short of lucky. Not only had there been witnesses to see them defending themselves, thus avoiding any legal complications, but they had gotten away in spite of being severely outnumbered. Vinyl grimaced as the memory of power came to the forefront of her mind. A Surge could only do so much. It allowed her to go beyond her boundaries, but against such numbers it was never a certain victory, not to mention to risk she took as she allowed it to take over. That was not even taking into account the other unicorn, one of very few who had taught themselves to enter a Surge at will. It was a thing that rarely ever came up, but now Vinyl realised just how lucky—how privileged—she had been. Had she been a weaker unicorn, the chances of getting away that day would have been far less. She and Octavia might have died if not for luck. Sheer, dumb luck. It was a stark reminder that some ponies didn’t care how rich she was, or how high on the music charts she were. There would always be some ponies who didn't give a rat's ass about anyone but themselves. Those were the same that only ever interacted with others if they could gain from it. It was with those thoughts swirling in her mind that Vinyl sat on her couch, looking out the window at an overcast sky. The cast on her horn had been removed two days beforehand, when she and Octavia had been discharged. They had spent most of their days in the hospital together, chatting and playing the occasional board game, and while the atmosphere between them had been friendly, there was a tension. Octavia had felt it, too, and had asked if there was anything Vinyl wanted to talk about. She had, of course, said that there wasn't. What could she say? Tell her that she loved her and ask if she wanted to be in a relationship? The unicorn snorted. Don't be ridiculous, Vinyl. You weren't raised to be a brute. You know about tact and timing. No. She couldn't just ‘blurt it all out’. It wouldn't have been fair for Octavia. She had been through a traumatizing event, just as Vinyl had, and putting her in the spotlight like that would not be fair in the slightest. "So what do I do?" She said out loud, taking a long sip from her coffee and reveling in the silence that followed. The answer was both obvious and infuriatingly elusive. The easy part was the knowledge that she had to confess if she wanted it to go anywhere. No confession equals no possible relationship. The hard part, however, was figuring out when. That she  and Octavia were friends was undeniable at this point in time. However, she had seen even the most tenacious friendships crumble just days after a rejection. If she went to her now, and confessed her feelings, could their friendship survive the same? More to the point, would it come off as desperate so shortly after the accident? As it was she treasured what they had, and didn’t want to risk it. Would it be better to wait until their friendship was stronger, or should she do it now, when there might still be some novelty to make her look more appealing in Octavia’s eyes? She watched as a couple walked by her house, the stallion wrapping a wing around his companion. Even from the second story, she could still see their lips move, as well as the laughter that made their entire bodies' shake. The sight brought a small smile to her lips. They looked happy, just talking to each other. It was exactly the kind of thing she hoped to achieve one day, to be able to just walk side by side with someone, enjoying their company. They look like such good friends, too, Vinyl found herself thinking. Is that what I should aim for? The two of us becoming friends? The words had barely formed in her mind before she felt like smacking herself. She set her cup down before the urge became too strong, a grimace marring her features. Those words made it feel like she was attempting to manipulate Octavia into something. "Fuck sake, man, that's not right!" She exclaimed, rubbing a hoof down her face. She wasn't manipulating Octavia, when the right thing to do was to try to actually become her friend first... right? It would let her get to know the other mare better,  and help her figure out if her crush was something that could become something more solid and long-lasting. Not only that, but it will allow Octavia the time to find out more about me, and give her a better... frame of reference—I dunno—for deciding if I am someone she could ever end up liking. She groaned and let herself fall back into the couch, staring up at the ceiling. It feels wrong to think it, as if the friendship is just a means to a selfish end, but isn't it the right thing to do? It's not as if I don't want to be her friend—I want that, too—but just... you know what? Screw you, thoughts. I'm not manipulating her! I'm just someone trying to build a friendship. And if it becomes something more? Well, then that's what happens. She groaned and stood up, glancing briefly out the window again before moving to her bathroom. The sight of her own face greeted her as she stared into the mirror. Opening the faucet she splashed cool water in her face, hoping to wash away the buzzing thoughts that seemed insistent on driving her mad. Her only solace was knowing that they would go away at some point. Puppy love was not forever, and it wasn’t the first time she had experienced it. But knowing that did little to nothing to lessen the annoyance she felt. She splashed another bit of water in her face and closed her eyes, focusing on the droplets falling from her soaked bangs and muzzle. Drip She was in love with Octavia. That much was undeniable. The butterflies in her stomach, and the tingling feeling all over whenever she let herself imagine it. Drip Deep breath. Exhale. She hoped for something to happen. But she would not let herself be consumed by it. Octavia was a pony with a mind of her own, not something to possess. Drip Octavia was her friend right now. She wouldn’t jeopardize that. So what would she do, then? Continue as I have been, she decided and opened her eyes, smirking at her own reflection. She levitated a towel over to dry her face, taking care to return her mane to its almost spiky style, and nodded in approval once she had finished. She stood there for what felt like the longest time, thinking over her decision. It was easy to realise, once she gave herself a little time to think about it. It wasn’t some riddle wrapped in an enigma, nor a great mystery that would’ve befuddled even the greatest minds Equestria had to offer. No, the answer was as simple as lying in one’s bed. Almost literally. “I won’t do anything,” she said, giving her own reflection a little grin. If things were to happen, they would happen. She would not purposefully pursue something when she knew nothing of Octavia’s thoughts on the matter. Maybe one day, she’d feel sure enough to ask. But for now, she would continue as she had. She lifted her hoof and pressed it carefully against the mirror, giving herself a gentle hoof-bump. “Good job for actually thinking things through for once. Not like la—” She forced her jaw shut and put her hoof back on the ground. She met her own, suddenly wistful, gaze. She forced it away and smiled at herself. “Yeah. Good girl.” “Are you sure you’re fine, Octavia?” “Yes, Harpo, I’m fine.” “You say that, but are you? Is the treadmill too fast? Should I make it go slower?” “I hardly even have to canter here. In fact, your persistence is the only reason I’m not going faster!” Harpo scoffed. “And for good reason! You were discharged from hospital how many days ago? You were told to take it easy.” Octavia sighed and pushed the stop button on the treadmill, her gait slowing as the machine did. “I know what my doctor said,” Octavia told him, giving him an unamused stare. “And I also know that I’m fine. The wound barely hurts anymore, and I can move around fine on my own. And what’s more; I don’t want to be helpless like that again!” Harpo grimaced, visibly taken aback by the forcefulness of her words. “I know you are, but also know that you aren’t invincible. I worry about you when you are like this.” He took a step closer, looking her in the eyes, despite her elevated position. He pointed to her bandages “Your wound isn’t healed yet, and it still hurts—don’t give me that look, I hear you grunting and grimacing.” “It’s healed well enough,” Octavia said insistently. She pushed the ‘Start’ button on the treadmill again, keeping it at a simple trot. “And I might as well exercise. It’s not like I can go to the dojo yet.” “You tried to go just after you and Vinyl were discharged, Octavia,” Harpo said, momentarily turning away to rummage through the bag Octavia had brought, talking all the while. “I had to physically keep you from going, to avoid mucking up your health.” He turned around with a bottle of water in his hoof, and set in the holster on the treadmill. “Look, Octavia, I’ve seen you at your best, and you know I’ve also seen you at your worst. And right now I’m worried about you. You’re a bullheaded one if you wanna be, but this is a time where being bullheaded will get you hurt.” Octavia pretended not to hear him. At first, anyway. The problem was that he just didn’t understand. She had been hurt, stabbed in the side, and Vinyl had done something that had cost her the use of magic for several days. It would be like a—she stopped the treadmill and took the water bottle, popping it open and draining it in a single mouthful. It would be like a pegasus losing their wings. Harpo looked down at her with concern in his eyes, head tilted to get a better look at her bandaged wound. “Something the matter?” He asked, shifting his eyes back to hers. “Does it hurt?” She shook her head and looked elsewhere, unwilling to meet his gaze at the moment. “No,” she said, “it doesn’t. At least…” she looked back to him, her expression now more mellow than moments before. “I don’t like it,” she finally conceded. “I don’t like how everything went… went to shit in that alley. I don’t like how Vinyl was the only reason I even got out of it alive. I don’t like that she even had to risk permanently losing her ability to use magic to save us, I—” Harpo held up a hoof, silencing Octavia mid-sentence. “That’s not how a Burnout works,” he said lowering his hoof. “It’s more like your body. You just get exhausted and need to rest. It’s not different from physical exercise in that way. Trust me, my mum’s a unicorn, after all.” Octavia rolled her eyes, silently conceding to his point. “Even so, that’s not my point! My point is that I was helpless then. I couldn’t protect myself, and I couldn’t protect Vinyl!” “Octavia,” Harpo said softly. “You single-handedly beat three of them into concussion, and even broke two ribs of one of those guys.” “But it wasn’t enough!” She screeched. The words had barely left her before her entire vision became purple, Harpo wrapping his legs around her neck and holding her tight. The few other patrons in the gym had turned to stare at her outburst, but slowly turned back to their own exercising. Octavia felt the sting of hot tears in her eyes. Her vision blurred, and teeth gritted in a mix of anger and frustration, she slowly returned the embrace. She pressed her face into his neck, using his coat to dry her eyes. She couldn’t let other people see her crying. “It’s alright, Octavia,” Harpo said at length, running a hoof down her uninjured side, and pulling away a little. He smiled down at her, placing both hooves reassuringly on her shoulders. “And yes, it was enough. It—” Octavia opened her mouth to say something, but a hoof to her mouth stopped her in her tracks “—No, Octavia, please. If you’ll listen, I will remove my hoof, okay?” Slowly, while looking entirely unconvinced, Octavia nodded. She said nothing when he put his hoof back on her shoulder, but looked expectantly up at him, her thoughts written clearly on her face. Drying tears still lingered in her eyes, but for the moment she had calmed. Harpo sighed, but didn’t comment on her silent defiance. “I may be an amateur at your kung fu thing, Octavia, but I’m pretty sure that there’s a thing where you fight multiple opponents at once, right?” She nodded. “It happens,” she replied in a low voice. “And have you tried it?” Ever so slowly, as it started to dawn on her what Harpo was getting at, she nodded. “What’s your record? How many have you beaten in a row?” He continued. “Three.” As if satisfied with what he had heard, Harpo nodded. “And you were up against almost ten. Not one after the other, but at the same time. And three of those you took out completely.” He set his hooves back on the ground, now just sitting in front of her as she stared at the floor, brow furrowed. “You did better than you ever have, Octavia. You protected your friend, and only your efforts made you both get out of there safely.” Could that be true? Had her efforts been what made them both get out of there alive and relatively unharmed? She turned her head, looking down at the bandages covering her barrel. She pawed at the ground and looked up, shaking her head. “Is that really what you think?” “Yes,” Harpo said without hesitation, giving his head a sharp nod. “That is what I think.” She was about to voice her vehement disagreement when she just… stopped. For just a moment she let herself consider the possibility. There had been so many of them… all stallions, and larger than her. And the one who had stabbed her had been a unicorn. She wasn’t used to fighting magic. She shook her head again and met Harpo’s earnest gaze. “I will believe you, then,” she said slowly. “I’m still not convinced myself. I could have done better. Could have taken on more of them.” She looked at the treadmill again and stepped up on it again. “I still need to get better.” Harpo pressed his lips together, watching Octavia as she pushed the button and started a slow trot again. “Just, please, be careful.” Octavia eyed him silently. She blinked and nodded. “I’ll… try.” She looked back forward, concentrating on her gait. “But I still need to get better.”