//------------------------------// // Adulthood // Story: The Ditzy Diary of a Certain Pegasus // by TooShyShy //------------------------------// Dear Diary, Didn’t think I’d be digging you up for a long time! I just finished reading through all of my old entries. Wow, things sure were different back then. I don’t think I’ve changed much, but who am I to judge? My friends definitely don’t seem to think I’ve become a totally different pony or anything. I haven’t found my destiny yet. I know I wasn’t going to write until then, but I couldn’t resist. I noticed there was still some room left. Not much, but enough to write out the rest of my story (I hope). I might have forgotten about this diary altogether if I hadn’t been going through boxes. I’m planning to sell some of my old stuff that I don’t need anymore. Most of it has been collecting dust at Button Nose’s house. So much has happened since my last entry, but at the same time it feels like nothing at all has happened. My life has been kind of standing still since I came to Ponyville. Button Nose, Peaceful Skies, and Avalon are doing well. It feels weird to write their names in this diary again, but also satisfying. I’m happy I managed to make so many good friends and that they still love me. I felt guilty about leaving Button Nose all alone, but fortunately things have worked out for her. She was sad at first, even though she encouraged me to keep following my dreams. Then she started adopting foals in need. She has about five of them now. She had to move to a bigger house way out somewhere in the countryside. I visit Button Nose from time to time. She seems happy and so do the foals. Peaceful Skies and Avalon are pretty much the same as always, except Avalon has finally become a model. Peaceful Skies wrote me a few days ago to say he’s thinking about becoming a flight instructor at some school in Cloudsdale. I wish both of them all the luck in Equestria. Neither of them write as much as they did before. Then again, neither does Button Nose. I guess they’re busy with their own things. Fly High writes me constantly though! He sends me at least three letters a day. Most of them are mundane, but I enjoy getting them anyway. He’s retired, so he’s not as busy as he was before. I’m sure he appreciates how I always write back. Time Turner moved to Ponyville about a month ago. We’ve been having lunch together almost every day since then. Sometimes he’s too busy working on his secret projects or he has to dash away before we finish eating. I don’t mind. I know he’s busy with his science stuff. It doesn’t even bother me that he won’t tell me what he’s working on. It’s not that Time Turner thinks I won’t understand or anything. He just likes to keep some of his projects to himself. I appreciate whatever little time he makes for me. I can’t say much about Bon-Bon. I mean, I literally can’t say much about her. Her and Lyra live in Ponyville together, which I’m sure is nice for them. Bon-Bon has some kind of job she won’t tell me anything about. Whatever it is, I once saw her sneaking around in the middle of the night wearing a fake mustache (or at least I’m pretty sure it was fake). Lyra and Bon-Bon seem happy, so I’m not going to question it. Now onto myself! I moved into a cottage a few days ago. Up until now, I’d been living in the spare room above Sugarcube Corner while I worked there. I finally saved up enough bits to afford my own place. That’s not the best part though. The best part is that I’m training for a brand new job. Don’t get me wrong. I loved working for Mrs. and Mr. Cake. Nopony could have asked for better bosses. I learned so much about baking, even though I still haven’t mastered that muffin recipe. However, I kind of needed a change. I decided to sign up for the weather squad. It’s going to be difficult, but I’m sure I’ll be a fully-fledged weather pony after I finish my training. Speaking of training, I’d better end this entry here. I need to get up extra-early. I’m not going to write as much because of how little room I have left, but hopefully the entries I do make guide me towards my destiny. Dear Diary, I had my first day of training yesterday. It didn’t go well at all. I was five minutes late, so I got yelled at by my coach. I had to do extra wing exercises to make up for my tardiness. My wings feel like jelly after all those drills. I did my best, but I could barely keep up with the other ponies. Every time I fell behind or made a mistake, I had to do a whole twenty wing-ups to make up for it. I know I shouldn’t complain because this is what I expected, but I can’t help it. This is like school all over again. My coach doesn’t think I’m going to complete the training. Maybe she’s right, but I’m still going to try. If there’s one thing I learned from cooking school, it’s that quitting never solves anything. I’d like to write more, but I can’t. I’m sore all over from training. Dear Diary, I finally got around to writing that letter to Vinyl. I doubt she remembers she even sent me that tape, especially since she’s a big star now. But I promised myself I’d give her my honest opinion and I hate breaking promises. It’s strange. Vinyl’s music has had such an impact on my life. I never thought I’d meet somepony who could affect me so much without even being in the same room. Every time I feel kind of down, I always cheer up when one of her songs comes on the radio. It’s not so much the song itself as it is the memory of our friendship. I managed to say all of this in my letter, but words can’t really describe how Vinyl’s music makes me feel. Its been about two weeks and my training hasn’t been going well. For starters, I found out the pony who processed my application got my name wrong. It’s DERPY HOOVES, not DITZY DOO. I was too polite to correct her. I had to cross out the DITZY on my vest and write DERPY instead. It’s still not entirely correct, but it’s better. The coach still calls me Ditzy Doo though because it’s the name on my application. Mrs. Cake has started giving me free muffins. I want to decline because I want to learn how to make my own finally, but then again I don’t have much time to bake. I hope Vinyl appreciates my letter. Dear Diary, Two months and no progress with my training. My evaluation is coming up soon. Seeing how my last evaluation went, I’m nervous about this one. I feel like I haven’t progressed at all. On the bright side, I got to see Vinyl today. She lives in Ponyville with this other mare called Octavia. I decided to hoof-deliver my letter so we could talk face-to-face. I did most of the talking. In fact, I did all of the talking. Vinyl just sat there bobbing her head to the music and listening. It felt great to just talk to somepony. I ended up admitting a lot of things I normally would have kept to myself. I told her about how I actually feel a little bad about how cooking school never worked out. I also told her a bunch of stories from my foalhood, like how I entered a cart race during one of my visits to Ponyville. I told her how I remember being a pretty good flier before I had that accident. I haven’t thought about the accident or Mom in a long time. How different would my life be if I hadn’t had that accident? Would I be a Wonderbolt? I feel as if being a Wonderbolt wasn’t in the cards no matter how good of a flier I was. I can’t picture myself in one of those uniforms. When I was trying to become a chef, I could clearly see myself cooking in a fancy restaurant every time I closed my eyes. No matter what I’ve wanted over the years, I don’t think I’ve ever really desired to become a Wonderbolt, except for Mom’s sake. I did a lot of things for Mom’s sake, didn’t I? Sometimes when I think of my foalhood, I’m not entirely convinced I was actually the foal. I feel like I spent more time taking care of Mom than she did taking care of me. That can’t be right, can it? I guess it doesn’t matter. I can’t see myself going back to Cloudsdale. That part of my life ended a long time ago. My future is in Ponyville. Vinyl gave me two tickets to a concert in Baltimare. Maybe I’ll go with Time Turner. Dear Diary, Well, I’m not becoming a weather pony. I shouldn’t be so surprised, but it’s hard to prepare for something like this. I guess I always had a little hope I might somehow become the world’s best flier in time for my evaluation. I scored a four out of ten, which isn’t bad. My coach said she’d expected me to barely scrape by, but I got extra points for my determination. The good news is that since I’m not completely terrible at all things flying-related, I’ll still be able to help out once in a while if they’re understaffed. So all of my training wasn’t a total loss. What am I going to do now? I could go back to Sugarcube Corner, but I heard Mr. and Mrs. Cake are already in the process of finding a replacement. I don’t want to show up again, even if I know they’d gladly take me back. There are better bakers than me out there who could help a lot more than I ever did. I loved working there, but I think I dropped more cakes than I baked. I asked Time Turner if he needed an assistant or something and he said no. I don’t know why I asked. I know he likes to work alone. This pony named Roseluck helps him once in a while, but he usually does everything by himself. I want to talk to somepony about this, but I feel like they’ll all tell me the same thing: that I did my best and that’s the most important part. I know all of that already. Maybe I need to talk to somepony I haven’t talked to in a long time. Somepony who could give me a different perspective on this whole thing and possibly point me towards my real destiny. I need to see Mom. Dear Diary, I just got back from my trip to Cloudsdale. I’m still shocked I went through with it. Every time I thought I was going to visit Mom, something always came up or I decided not to at the last minute. I made so many excuses. I don’t know what I was afraid of. I was right. Talking with Mom did help me, but not in the way I thought it would. Since I hadn’t seen her for years, I expected Mom to start gushing about how much she missed me. Instead she just sat in an armchair and stared at me. It was really awkward. She didn’t even answer when I knocked on the door. I saw her peeking at me through the blinds though, so she knew it was me. Eventually, we started talking. Well, I started talking. I told her all about everything that had happened to me since I left all those years ago. I just went on and on and on about my life, all the friends I’d made, and all the cool things I’d seen in Manehattan and Canterlot. I don’t think I said much about Ponyville, but I definitely told her all about how big Canterlot was and how I couldn’t believe how close to the castle I was. I must have gone on for an hour before Mom finally said something back. Actually, she asked me to get her a glass of cider. Of course I did, because I know how much she loves cider. I’m not a big fan of it myself, except during Cider Season in Ponyville. Those ponies sure do love cider. So I got Mom the glass of cider. It took her a while to drink it. The entire time she was staring at me like she expected me to start talking again. Then when she finally finished her cider, she started talking. I’m not going to write down everything she said. Most of it was the usual rambling she does when she has too much cider. But some of it was about me. Mom told me how she never really knew my dad. She met him at a party and then a few months later I was born. She never even knew his name. That sounds bad, but Mom said he was actually nice to her and she kind of wishes she’d tried to find him after I was born. Then Mom told me about how she always wanted to be a Wonderbolt when she was a filly. She said her parents paid for so much expensive training, but in the end Mom just couldn’t do it and her parents disliked her for it. I felt really bad for Mom when she told me that. I wonder what would have happened if I’d almost become a Wonderbolt, then failed at the last minute. Would Mom have wanted me to leave? I like to think she would have supported me even if I failed, but I feel like I don’t want to find out either way. I think I understand why Mom did the things she did. I think I finally get why she got so mad whenever I did something wrong and why she drank a lot and why she was so miserable about my accident. Mom knew before I did that I probably wasn’t going to become a Wonderbolt or a weather pony or anything like that. I forgive Mom for everything she did. She might not have loved me the same way I loved her, but we did have some good times. I liked going to the diner with her and having her help me with my homework. I remember her tucking me in at night once in a while and sometimes even making me cupcakes if I was extra-good. Mom didn’t say goodbye to me before I left. That’s okay. She has her apple cider and her house. I hope she becomes happier someday, but I’m not going to visit her again. I guess I should feel sad, but somehow I’m not sad at all. I feel relieved. Suddenly I’m not so anxious about the future. I feel like a door that’s been hanging open since I was a foal has finally closed itself. I made myself some muffins before bed last night. They weren’t very good, but I didn’t care. Dear Diary, I’ve spent about a month doing odd jobs for bits. Its been interesting. I’ve gotten to meet a whole bunch of new ponies. There are a lot of weird ponies in this town, but that’s fine. They’re all really nice. Great news! I won’t have to do odd jobs anymore. Or at least I hope I won’t. It’s fun and all, but it’s not very consistent and it definitely isn’t my destiny. Or is it? Maybe my cutie mark means I’m destined to help a lot of ponies by delivering messages and helping them carry luggage? In any case, I found out that they’re hiring at the post office. Ponies keep quitting because they think it’s too boring or the workload is too much for them. Delivering mail and packages sounds fun to me. I’ll get to see the happy smiles on their faces when I show up with a letter from their loved one or a box of expensive imported oats. What could be better than making ponies smile? Plus I’ll get paid slightly more than I would have if I became a weather pony. I’m going to visit the post office tomorrow. Wish me luck, Diary! Dear Diary, It turns out that becoming a mailmare is really easy. I didn’t have to demonstrate how good of a flier I was or pull off some complicated stunt. All I had to do was fill in the application and do a few small tests. First I had to prove I could read a map. Unfortunately, I’m not too good at reading maps. I got confused about where everything was. Fortunately, I’m great at remembering addresses and names. I memorized the location of every place in Ponyville and who lived there a few days before I applied to become a mailmare. I got lost a few times, but I managed to get the packages and mail to the correct places almost exactly on time. I thought my clumsiness would ruin my evaluation like it always does, but the mailpony evaluating me didn’t mind at all. I made sure to tell him about how absentminded I am and how I’m really not the most efficient pony. He said it doesn’t matter because I have “spunk”, whatever that means. I think he means I’m good at getting back up after I accidentally fly into a sign. I’m starting my route next week. I can’t wait to show off the cool uniform I get to wear! The only downside is that I accidentally filled out my application wrong. I got most of it right, but where I was supposed to write my full name I accidentally wrote “Muffins” because I was thinking of muffins again. Oh well. Mailponies don’t wear name tags, so this shouldn’t be too big of a problem. I told Time Turner about everything and he said he’s proud of me. I can’t wait to tell Mr. and Mrs. Cake as well. I’m so excited I probably won’t be able to sleep, but I’ll try. Dear Diary, I love being a mailpony so far. I’ve been doing it for weeks and every moment of it has been great. I’ve gotten yelled at a little for dropping packages and things like that, plus there have been a few small accidents. But overall, I love being a mailmare. It’s not exciting like being a Wonderbolt or a world famous chef, but that’s the best part. I don’t feel like I’m being pressured to be the best. There’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot this week. I pass by the schoolhouse a lot. Every time I see it, I think about how lucky I was that I had ponies like Button Nose and Peaceful Skies in my life. If they hadn’t been there to take me in, who knows how badly things might have turned out. I’m grateful that ponies with such big hearts exist. I’ve also been thinking about that colt who broke into Bon-Bon’s house all that time ago. I’m sure he’s fine now, but he was all alone in the world for so long. I can’t stand the thought of any pony being all alone. I don’t know. I just feel bad for any young pony who has to wander Equestria alone because there’s nopony to care for them. I wish there was something I could do. Dear Diary, A filly visited the post office today. She looked kind of like how I looked when I was a filly, except she’s a unicorn. One of the other mailponies told me that filly comes to the post office every few days and asks if there are any letters or packages from her parents. She always seems so sad when they tell her there aren’t. Hopefully that filly’s parents write her a letter or something soon. I know how bad it feels when somepony you love doesn’t write you back. Back when I wrote letters to Mom and she ignored them, I kind of felt like she was mad at me for not being there. That filly looked really thin. Maybe I’ll bake her some muffins. Dear Diary, So many things happened today. I want to fall into bed and sleep for a week because I’m so exhausted, but I might forget to write about them. I was almost late for work today because I was baking muffins. I got so distracted that I forgot all about my mailmare duties. I had to grab my last batch and rush to work without even tasting them. I thought I’d get scolded as soon as I walked through the door, but nopony said anything. They all know how serious I am about muffins. The filly was there. One of the mailponies told me her name is “Dinky”. She was sitting by herself looking sad. She was still there after I finished my mail route, so I went up to her and offered her a muffin. Then I asked her what was wrong. I don’t like to butt in, but sometimes ponies just need to talk. Dinky told me all about her parents. She said they went away a long time ago on some really dangerous mission involving dragons. They promised to send her a letter and a care package every day, but they stopped after a week. Dinky said they probably got tired of sending letters to a boring filly like her while they were going on their cool adventures. I told her that wasn’t true at all. I said she’s not a boring filly and if I was her parent I’d be the happiest pony in Equestria. I meant it too! What I said put the biggest smile on her face. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a pony look so ecstatic. I felt like I should tell her that her parents most likely weren’t coming back. I don’t know much about dragons, but I know they’re dangerous. Even some pegasi are too scared to face them because they’re so ruthless. I said all this to Dinky. I thought she’d start crying, but she took it surprisingly well. I guess she’s always kind of known her parents weren’t coming back. I feel sorry for her. At least I always knew Mom was there when I sent her letters. I never stopped to wonder if something bad might have happened to her. It was around that time that I noticed how thin Dinky is. She looks a lot smaller than a filly her age should be. The way she gobbled up the muffin made me realize she probably hadn’t had a real meal in a long time. So I invited her to have dinner at my house. The poor thing agreed almost instantly. She also said the muffin was delicious! Isn’t that great? I think I’ve finally mastered the recipe! Dinky is asleep on the couch right now. I don’t think she has anywhere to go. I asked her about where she lives and she couldn’t give me an answer. I’m not sure she’s even from Ponyville. She’s such a sweet little pony and really smart. It would be a shame if she ended up with no place to live and nopony to take care of her. I’ll think about it more in the morning. I have to get up early to make Dinky breakfast before work. Dear Diary, This has been the best month of my life. I feel more sure of myself and my destiny than I have in a long time. Most of it is thanks to Dinky. At first I was worried that she might not be happy with my busy work schedule, but she’s actually alright with it. She says that as long as I come home, she doesn’t care if I’m out all day delivering packages and mail. I started to cry when she told me that. I’m not sure why. Maybe it was the happy smile on her face when she said it. She’s looking a lot healthier now since she’s started getting regular meals. In a few days, she’ll be starting school with the other ponies her age. I’ve been doing really well as a mailmare too! I only had two accidents (one dropped package and one missing letter) last week. The other mailponies are impressed. Even the ones who seemed a little grumpy about me are warming up to me. Maybe that’s because I keep bringing muffins for everypony. Since I can’t be at home as much as I’d like to, Time Turner is helping me with Dinky. Once a week I drop Dinky off at his place and he teaches her about science. Last week Dinky accidentally turned her mane green with the new science kit Time Turner gave her. I should be mad, but I’m actually proud of her. If she decides to become a scientist, she’s going to be a great one! I’m thinking of taking in another foal. In fact, I might take in a bunch of them. It’s going to be a lot of hard work, but I’m willing to do whatever it takes. I know what it’s like to feel lost and alone in the world. I didn’t realize it at the time, but Mom abandoned me way before I left her house to live with Peaceful Skies. I don’t want any other pony in Equestria to feel like I did back then. That’s about it. There’s still a tiny bit of room left in this diary. I just had to write this because I’m excited about the future. Dear Diary, This is my last entry. It’s not just because there’s so little room left. It’s also because I think I’ve finally found my destiny. It’s almost Hearth’s Warming. Dinky and the other ponies I took in are asleep downstairs. I have three of them now. One of them is this adorable little colt named Crackle Pop. I found him hanging around an old racing track where his parents abandoned him. He’s really into racing and carts. He looks a lot like me. Maybe we’re distantly related? I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. Family or not, I’ll take care of him. I’ve spent most of my time since the last entry thinking about destiny. When I was a filly, I thought I was destined to be a Wonderbolt like Mom wanted. Once I grew up and realized I wasn’t bound by what Mom wanted me to be, I was lost. That’s the tricky thing about destiny. It doesn’t always show itself to you when you need it most. I think I understand why I spent so many years unsure of what I was meant to do. I’m not destined to be a mailmare, but I like being one and I’m not going to stop anytime in the near future. I’m not destined to take care of foals who are lost and alone, but it’s something I’ve committed myself to. I don’t regret going to cooking school. I don’t feel like my time in Manehattan or Canterlot or even Cloudsdale was wasted. Why should I? I learned, I grew, and I became more aware of who I was. I don’t even entirely feel bad about the whole thing with Mom. Now that I’ve finally let go, it’s like my life has started all over again. I’m not destined to be a Wonderbolt, a chef, or anything else. My destiny is just to be Derpy Hooves. Sure, I might save Equestria some day. But if I do, it won’t be because it’s my destiny. It’ll be because I’m Derpy Hooves, a wall-eyed pony who likes muffins and delivers mail. I’m giving my diaries to Dinky as a Hearth’s Warming present. I’m a little nervous about what she’ll find out about me, but this is important. I want her to learn from the mistakes I’ve made. I want her to learn the same lessons I learned and hopefully become a better pony as a result. Dinky called me “Mom” yesterday. I want to be a better mother to her than my mother was to me. I think the first step towards that is letting her see where I came from. Since I know you’re going to be reading this Dinky, here’s a message for you: I love you. You’re one of the best things to ever happen to me and I’m looking forward to sharing my life with you for as long as possible. I hope you grow up to be the kind of pony others can depend on. Sincerely, Derpy Hooves