"Hey what's that alarm?" inquired a scientist as several ponies had decided to drop everything and run around like panicked foals.
The other scientist, a mousy brown maned mare named Quick Winded looked up. "Oh that's the incoming traveller alarm."
"That's the incoming traveller alarm?" inquired her companion. "It doesn't sound like the incoming traveller alarm..."
Quick Winded paused, listened to the alarm and picked up her things, storing them into her pockets. Wrapping her overlarge scarf around her neck, she grinned. "That's because it's the Other-Incoming Traveller Alarm."
"Ooooooohh," said her companion. "Should we hurry then?"
Nodding, Quick Winded and the other scientist headed to the command center where a glowing circle of light was being dialled in. "Where are we getting the wormhole from?" she asked Perceptor who was running calculations.
"According to these readings, we're finally being visited from Earth," replied Perceptor as the wormhole was established with a loud whoosh of unstable energy before it receded into a stable portal of glowing liquid-like light. "Incoming traveller!"
On cue, a Earth MALP trundled through and Quick Winded looked over at Perceptor. "Do you want to take this or should I?" she asked.
"You do it. It'll soften the blow," said the overly large red robot.
Taking a quick inhale of her ventilator, she trotted over and tapped the MALP. It instantly swivelled its camera over to her and she backed away a little. "Um, yes, hi. Hello. Greetings from Equestria. You can understand us since our languages are similar and there's a bit of crossover and all. That being said, we're quite friendly, yes, we're ponies, by all means, come and send your people over we'd very much like to get to know you all better and um..." She turned over to Perceptor. "Am I missing anything?"
"Bring twinkies," suggested Perceptor. "Unless they closed manufacture of it down. Some of our people are missing it."
"Yes, twinkies." Quick Winded thought for a moment. "Oh and if you're wondering, we've known about you lot for quite some time, but I'm sure your superiors don't. Unless you have level 9 clearance and all. So bug Washington about that. And um, that should be everything. See you all on the other side."
Giving the MALP a pat, she trotted away as the Guards took up positions of security in plain sight of the MALP's sweeping camera. One of them waved at the MALP before his commanding officer gave him a look.
Quick Winded stopped at a communications console and tabbed it once. "Security, this is Quick Winded. Please inform Princess Celestia and Princess Luna that the Stargate has opened up. Our people are ready to receive the human delegation."
"Understood, relaying the message, Quick Winded." Came the reply.
It was about twenty minutes later when the incoming telemetry responded, and four travellers appeared clad in military garb stepped through the Stargate. The man in the lead, a human of average height whistled at the huge building that housed UNIT's main facility as the Royal Guard snapped to attention. "Get a load of this place," he exclaimed as Quick Winded set her tea cup down and stepped forward.
"The architecture is reminiscent of Greco-Roman design but the designs of the technology and the computer banks..." The woman in the group turned as she noticed Quick Winded stepping up to them smiled. "You're the horse that greeted us."
"Pony," corrected Quick Winded. "I am Quick Winded, Chief Scientific Assistant to Kate Lethbridge-Stiffhoof, Brigadier General of UNIT. Welcome to Equestria, Stargate Command."
"You're aware of us, like you said," said the third man in the group, one with sandy blonde hair. "And you're ponies. With highly advanced technology."
"Technology we gave them," said Perceptor, causing the humans to startle as he assumed his form from the tiny microscope. Only the last, a sturdy barrel-chested man merely raised his eyebrow. "I am Perceptor, of the Autobots."
"The steel giants of legend. I have heard of your kind before," said Teal'c sagely. "I welcome you, upon the Jaffa warriors honor."
"Wait, Teal'c you've met these guys before?" asked the leader.
"Not directly, Cameron Mitchell," replied Teal'c quickly. "But our scholars have told of steel giants who once descended upon our world, before the System Lords routed them from our lands. It nearly cost them a hold on the entire arm of the galaxy."
"Probably in search of Energon," replied Perceptor knowingly. "Ratchet could brief you more, but he is currently occupied right at the moment."
"How did you expand from such a small form? The amount of mass displaced would take trillions of joules of energy to compensate for it," asked Sam, awed.
"I will share our size expansion circuitry later, once talks settle in. For now, your guide is waiting." Perceptor gestured towards Quick Winded who was waiting, amused at the by-play.
"Oh well I'm Cameron Mitchell, this is Teal'c, Samantha Carter and Daniel Jackson and I really gotta know how you people know about us," said Cam. "Because last I checked, there was no level 9 security clearance."
"That is because it does not technically exist on your planet," said Quick Winded with a smile. "Not officially at any rate. Now if you would all please follow me, there are a couple of ponies that are waiting to meet you all."
Leading them out of the room and up a flight of stairs, they stopped at a security checkpoint before the doors opened into a grand hallway, decorated with stained glass windows. Each one of them depicted various scenes of famous events, and Cam paused at one where six ponies were striking a mare before moving on.
At a pair of majestic doors, a pair of guards saluted before opening the door. Cam felt a slight unease pour through his stomach, as if it was doing flipflops as a sheer presence seemed to fill the hall. At the other end, a pony as big as a horse sat on a throne with a smaller midnight-blue pony sitting there, gauging them with interest. Quick Winded bowed as she turned to the travellers. "Stargate, our Princesses, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna."
"We welcome you all to our humble planet," said Celestia with a warm smile.
"Yes, though it is not the first time we have had visitors from your world set foot upon ours," added Luna.
"I don't mean to question that claim but just how long have you been in contact with Earth, exactly?" inquired Daniel, looking around briefly.
"Neigh on three years now," replied Luna. "A accident with a Energon storm and our ground-bridge technology, sent a team of ponies and Autobots to Jasper, Nevada."
"In which your government set up a special case with our little ponies, and managed to send them home with the help of some very good friends of ours," said Celestia. "We have a team stationed in Griffin Rock at the moment."
""Why classify it then?" asked Daniel. "With our help, Stargate Command could have established formal trading with your people."
"It would have not been wise, Daniel Jackson," stated Teal'c. "With the Tau'rii having power given to them by the Asgardians and the endless struggle against the system lords and further threats, Earth as well as Equestria would have been a prime target for both parties."
"Including groups like the IOA and previous human-groups too," summed up Cam. "I get it. Keep your friends classified, so that deniability is easy enough for when the fur starts flying."
"We would like nothing more than to open formal trade with Earth, but until your Stargate Command has finally dealt with the threats of our galaxy, then we cannot rest at ease yet," said Luna stiffly.
"My sister speaks the truth. To do so, especially with Cybertronian technology at our disposal would be disastrous if a agent of your enemies discovered our world." said Celestia. "I do wish we could open negotiations but the time is not yet at hand."
The white monarch then smiled. "However, we will be sending a couple of ambassadors to your world, in order to facilitate the exchange of beginning these talks. We have some friends who would very much like to visit Earth once more, even for a short while."
"While technology is still out of the question, we do it to safeguard our people, as well as yours. The process of distributing this advanced equipment is still also very new to our little ponies," added Luna. Cam really tried not to snicker, and he managed not to at least grin at the description. "We will be assigning a very unique cultural ambassador to your people. One who has saved literally all of time and space before."
Quick Winded gasped. "You mean... him?"
"Unfortunately, he is off saving the universe again. Possibly from either Daleks, Cyberponies, the Smooze or all three." replied Luna with no amount of disdain in her voice, mostly due to him leaving her here. Again.
"Instead, your guide will be his Companion." said Celestia.
The wall caved in, and a mare with off-set eyes winced. "Sorry, my bad!"
"There she is now." said Celestia calmly as the SG team stared.
=====
Four humans and a pony stepped out of the ground-bridge, and Cam nearly lost his lunch. "God that is uncomfortable," he dry-heaved into the grass.
"Welcome to Ponyville," said Derpy Hooves, gesturing at the town which was getting on its feet after some kind of disaster had hit it, with roofs torn off. "We had a bit of a storm blow through the town a few days ago. Nothing to worry about. My house is just over here, c'mon!"
It was clear that whatever scale the ponies built on, it was accommodating enough for humans as SG1 didn't even have to stoop down when the door opened, but not before a mint-green unicorn popped up, startling the group. "Hey! Derpy, you didn't tell me you were bringing guests!"
"Oh yeah I was! Lyra, this is SG-1, from Earth. They just gated in after all. Everypony, this is Lyra Heartstrings, a member of RID."
"RID?" inquired Sam.
"Robots In Disguise," clarified Lyra. "I work with the Autobots mostly on their day to day stuff. Derpy I'll bring the muffins over later. I've got patrol duty with Sunstreaker. Speaking of which, he's late."
The answering roar of a throaty Lamborghini engine came from the road as a flashy red and orange painted car zoomed into view, pulling up sharply. It beeped twice, as the rider was nowhere to be seen. "C'mon Lyra, shake a leg! We're late!"
"You're late!" Exclaimed Lyra, climbing into the drivers seat. "And turn on your image inducer before you startle everypony."
"I hate that thing," grumbled Sunstreaker but he shimmered into a sporty looking carriage with a pony that wore a wild hairstyle "driving" the front. "Laters!" And with that, the car turned carriage tore off into the distance, leaving SG-1 speechless.
"I want one," said Cam finally.
As Derpy showed the team into her house, she flitted around, grabbing muffins that were coming right out of the oven as if on schedule. "I'm always prepared for guests," she said, grabbing mugs and filling them with coffee. She gauged Teal'c for a moment. "You look like an ice cream pony to me."
"Yes please," said Teal'c immediately, his expression brightening instantly.
Once the group had been served, Cam took a sip of the coffee and his eyes widened. "This, is the best damn coffee in the world." He declared.
"Got it from Quo'noS," replied Derpy as she filled Sam's mug. "Back with the mess with the Trek Ponies and their people. I remember Kirk and Spock."
"Excuse me, Kirk and Spock?" echoed Daniel, bewildered. "But they're just television characters."
"Well maybe in our world, but not in cross-fictional meta-states," replied Derpy. "It's all a bunch of wibbly wobbly timey wimey spacey wacey stuff. No need to get your mane ruffled about it."
"Fascinating," murmured Sam, taking a sip of the alien coffee. "And this is the best coffee in the world."
A loud sound echoed through the house, sounding something like vroop vroop, a wheezing grinding noise as Derpy perked up in delight. "Oh and my husband's home. Come, you'll want to see him."
Following Derpy to the back yard, a blue barn was materializing and Daniel took a moment to examine it, wishing he had a pair of smarty pants glasses to put in to make sure he wasn't seeing things. "Is that...?"
"TARDIS," deadpanned Cam as a pony stumbled out coughing. "And that must be the Doctor."
"Oh, hello everyone. Looks like we did have guests after all like you said we would Derpy," said the Doctor as he brushed his coat off. "Hello there, you four must be from SG-1 I imagine. You've had a lineup change since I last saw you all."
"Doctor," greeted Teal'c. "You look well."
"Ah Teal'c, good show! You're still on the team, I figured you would be still. Come inside, have some ice cream, oh wait you have some already. Excellent. Derpy, are the muffins ready?" The Doctor trundled into the house, pausing to wipe his hooves on the welcome mat. "The kids aren't back yet from school, are they?"
"No Doctor, they're actually still in classes right now. Cheerilee said it's a long day," replied Derpy as Daniel tried to process everything and failed.
"Doctor Who is a television show," he breathed, echoed by the Doctor who smirked. "Oh I love that, it's so funny hearing that the transfictional boundaries between here and earth have thinned enough for reality to get all knackered up!"
"We should take a look at them, and see if there's any more crossover happening," said Derpy thoughtfully. "Bring Pinkie Pie along?"
"Yes, well she's never been quite the same since she saw the fourth wall has she?" said the Doctor thoughtfully before tapping at an unseen space behind himself. "In any case, welcome to Ponyville everypony and I'm glad you're here. Barely anything bad happens so I'm sure you can disarm yourselves and relax. Have some coffee and tea and try my wife's muffins, hmm?"
Cam chuckled. "As much as we'd like to disarm ourselves, standard procedure says we shouldn't but considering what we've seen? This planet is well protected against anything the universe throws at it."