I looked at her as she was working in her little flower shop, she was using her magic to arrange some flowers and looked quite happy. I was using a different disguise so she would not recognize me in case she noticed me. It had been about two months since I first met her, she had been just another target to get love from, all for the sake of the hive.
I had a lot of targets before that affected me in one way or another, but with Lavender Dust things had felt different, and they didn't go as planned…
I had met her in one of Canterlot’s parks where I searched for a new source to feed on. I had about two weeks until I had to deliver new love to the hive, so I wasn't in a hurry and allowed myself to be picky. I hadn't expected to find somepony fitting this day when I saw her sitting in the grass reading a book.
As usual, I read her emotions to find out what she may want so I could adapt my character in a fitting way. I had become pretty perfect in being the optimal partner of everypony after all these years, but she gave me a surprise. Never before had I found a pony so content with who she was and her place in life. I was confused and didn't know what character I should choose to play, so for the first time ever I decided to just be myself… apart from the appearance of course.
I walked over to her asking what she was reading, a wave of warm feelings passed over me while she answered, kindness, openness, and happiness. I was so perplexed by these emotions I had difficulty following our conversation, I must have looked like a fool to her, but she just smiled.
Within the next few days, we grew really close to each other and made a lot of happy memories. We had our first kiss while we walked through the same park we had met and I became very flustered, but this time not because I faked it.
Being around her felt so easy since I didn't had to concentrate on the character I was playing. My body was filled with love in no time, even though I was able to store much more love than a normal changeling. That's when I should have left her, everything I had been taught said so.
‘Once you are filled up with love, leave as soon as possible. The chance of being exposed grows with each additional day.’
But I didn't… I didn't want to leave her because I felt so very wanted while I was with her. It felt good to have these feelings be directed towards me instead of some persona I was playing.
So the days went on while I ignored what I was and the duty I had to fulfill. But time moved fast and soon two weeks had passed and I knew I had to return to the hive. Since I was a ‘şahzadə’, a princess, they would start to search for me after this time.
I felt dirty and guilty for having to give away the love she gave me, but I couldn't ignore my own nature anymore. I felt my love for her, a thing I had never imagined happening to me, but I knew I was foolish to love her since she could never love the creature I was.
So, with a heavy heart, I told her I had to visit my sick father in another city and I would come back within two weeks. While we parted I felt how my heart got torn apart. I knew I couldn't come back to her and we had no future together. I would send her a letter within a week, telling her I found someone else and I was sorry. I looked back at her smiling face as I walked down the street feeling her love beaming towards me and forced myself to smile back, but she didn't know what I was. I felt my hideous black soul within me and cried while I left the city. Without her, I felt empty inside and all her stored up love made it even worse since I had to give it away.
As I walked through a nearby forest, I broke down. I knew I was the worst creature ever for stealing her love. I cried while I started to smash my face into a tree until blood streamed down its trunk...
“Sorry, can I help you? You look so lost and confused.”
I had been trapped in my memories so much, I hadn't noticed how Lavender had left her shop and walked up to me.
“I… I…”, was all I was able to answer. I was confused by her sudden appearance. I checked the voice I was using, making sure it was different from mine.
“Is there something I can do for you?”, she asked worriedly.
‘Yes, there is.’, I thought but knew how foolish it was to even think that, there was no possible future for us.
“No, thank you.”, I answered with a broken voice instead. “I just was lost in my thoughts. Sorry for worrying you.”
She still didn't look convinced. “Are you sure? I just closed my shop, I have time to bring you somewhere.”
“That's really not necessary.”, I replied and quickly walked down the street, away from her.
“Okay, have a nice day, but I'll be here for you if you need me.”
I nearly tripped over my own hoofs as I heard her say this and ran out of this street with tears in my eyes.
‘Maybe I can visit her in my old disguise once I control Canterlot, I tell her that I'm sorry for breaking up and…’
I realized how foolish these thoughts were, there was no way back for me. I couldn't pretend forever and someday she would have found out what a hideous creature I was. I had to concentrate on my plan. If there wasn't any chance for me to find love and happiness, at least I wanted to give the other changelings an easier life where they didn't have to pretend to be fed.