“Ugh...” Luna let out a silent groan beneath her breath, heaving a sigh as she followed the other princesses back towards the castle. She wobbled on her hooves, just barely keeping up whilst she used one hoof to massaged the giant, royal, hoof-shaped bruise and black eye, and a spark of her magic to keep the remaining fruit from tumbling from her head.
After several more, agonising steps, when neither Celestia seemed to pay her any heed, Luna frowned and repeated slightly louder. “...OW!”
Princess Celestia’s ears pricked and she glanced back over her shoulder, meeting eyes with Luna’s deathly glare. “Well”— She shrugged, and turned back to continue walking. –“I certainly hope you learned your lesson.”
“Oh yeah,”—Luna rolled her eyes—“Totally.” The sarcasm was palpable. With a flicker of her horn, the princess cast a short spell, and then—her mood lightening—she cracked a smile and summoned an enchanted icepack to place over her eye. It adjusted slightly against her face, eventually settling into a comfortable position. When she was sure it wasn’t about to fall off, Luna continued. “But did you have to slug me?”
“Yes,” was Celestia’s only reply.
“Immediately after you broke up the fight?”
“Yes!” Both Celestias responded, and Princess Celestia paused to look over her shoulder, giving Luna a quick glance up and down before adding, “It was either that, or we banish you to the moon, again.” Then, turning away from her sister and the invariable onslaught of daggers, both imaginary and real, she turned to herself. “So, Me, where did you say you found Princess Luna again?”
“Right here!” Celestia shouted with glee. She came to an immediate halt in the middle of the path, so quickly so that neither of the other two princesses was prepared for it.
Princess Celestia was the lucky one. Despite being the closest to herself, she was able to jump out of the way and stumbled harmlessly forwards to come to a stop next to Celestia. Luna, however, was less so fortunately. With her mind preoccupied with her revenge plans for several princesses, the throbbing headache screaming for her afternoon coffee top-up, and the lack of a second working eye, she barrelled into both Princesses without barely the chance to slow down.
“G’ahhh!” Both Celestias screamed as they were toppled to the ground, a resounding thud as several royal flanks collided with the dirt—assuredly—shaking the castle’s foundations and waking up anypony in a five mile radius.
“Luna!” Celestia shouted.
“Get off of me, you—” The other Celestia was cut off as a hoof collided with her mouth, shutting her up for good, “—Mmmfmm!”
“Well, it serves you right,” Luna quipped back. She turned up her muzzle, crossed her hooves, settled into a sitting position atop her sisters, and refused to budge.
“Get—” Princess Celestia growled, muffled beneath the mound of fur and feathers. A golden glow started beneath the pile and a silent rumble began, growing in strength. The pile shook, and then did nothing for a second.
The other Celestia glanced to Luna. “Mmmf?”
There was another rumble, a flash, and the pile exploded into a flash of golden magic. Luna and Celestia were thrown to the side, whilst Princess Celestia rose to her hooves, her eyes blazing and mane burning. She settled back to the ground and, after a moment to cool off, she rounded on the other two. “YOU— ” she growled her Canterlot voice, and held a hoof past the height of her horn. “I’ve had it just about up to here, with you and your antics!”
“You tell her, sis,” Celestia cheered from her position on the ground. She rolled over to lie on her side, giving a slight hoof-air-bump.
“SHUT UP,” Princess Celestia growled as she turned to glare to Celestia. “You’re just as much the problem here. I had no idea that I was so hard to live w—”
“Princess Celestia!”
The princess’ tirade was cut short by a stallion’s yell, and before either of them had the time to orient themselves they were swarmed with the clatter of hooves, flutter of feathers, and the resounding stomps of an Alicorn goliath. Princess Luna and Torn Page leaped from their perch outside the castle steps and rushed forwards to greet the princess.
“Celestia, thank Celestia it’s you!” Torn Page was the first to arrive, skidding to a halt in front of the princess and shouting, “and you!” as he glanced between the two other princesses. Torn between bowing and saluting, he bobbed his head frantically, shuffled on his hooves before launching into his explanation. He grabbed the saddlebags from his back and held them up in his magic. “Princess, Princess Luna has requested that—”
“Sister,” Princess Luna began in time. Stomping up behind Page with Sweetie Belle still hanging up her shoulder, she shoved the stallion aside and shouted. “Please just overturn this ridiculous—”
“—beard clause—” Torn Page shoved his way back in—“and I told her that she needs agreement from at least two—”
“—so I did, and then he said—”
“—but she doesn’t—”
“I’m a princess.” Sweetie belle chimed in, her voice crackling slightly as it broke into the higher octaves. Somewhere in the near vicinity, there was the clatter of armour, and a loud rumble as a full contingent of guards collapsed to the ground clutching at their chests.
Everypony went silent, their eyes drawing to the white filly dangling, helplessly, like a piece of luggage cuddled beneath Luna’s shoulder. She looked around with a grin and wide eyes, until her ears finally drooped and she took on a more meek expression. “Um...” she frowned, “what?”
Celestia groaned, facehoofing. She reached a hoof up to massage her temples and whispered beneath her breath. “Just... one at a time, please.” She took a deep breath, and looked to Princess Luna. “Luna.”
Luna raised a hoof and—
“Not you.” Celestia snapped, cutting off the princess before she could even speak out a single work. She nodded to Princess Luna, the Princess Luna standing in front of her. “Explain to me slowly: what the hay in Tartarus are you talking about!?”
“Sister,” Princess Luna took a step forwards. She shifted Sweetie Belle around, causing her to wiggle and squirm, scrunching with agitation for being treated like a piece of luggage. “Please,” she begged, pouting and putting on the puppy dog eyes. Following a slight squeeze to convince her, Sweetie Belle did the same, and they targeted Celestia with dual barrelled cuteness. “Pweeese, just say you’d undo this ludicrous beard law?”
Both Celestias shared a glance, each raising an eyebrow. They turned back and, in perfect unison, “No,” they deadpanned.
“Wha—” Luna scoffed. Their pouts completely wiped from their faces, Luna stumbled back from the shock. She knew Celestia for being hard to break, but this was ridiculous. “Why not!?”
“Well, why should we?”
“Be—”
Luna began, but was interrupted as Mr. Fancy Pants came trotting past, still with his beard firmly glued in place. Just as silky and resplendent, his beard trailed for almost a full meter behind him as he walked, so much so that the contingent of banana guards that accompanied him had to break formation to walk around it. They could only guess, by the massive stacks of papers the guards carried, that he was on his way back from his second meeting with the Board of Hoarse Puns and Typos about their name.
Meanwhile, from the other side, Princess Celestia and Luna spied a pair of guards trotting the other way. They kept their heads held high, carrying pointed spears at their sides and dragging their beards along the ground as they walked.
Mr. Fancy Pants nodded a polite greeting to the princesses, to which they responded in like, watching silently as Mr. Fancy Pants trotted past, and continued down the passage, just missing the pair of guards.
They watched for a good few minutes as Fancy Pants made his way across Canterlot, trotting several more feet before turning the corner and disappearing from view.
Luna let out her breath, heaving a sigh and relaxing. “Wow,” she wiped a brow, and glanced to the ponies around her. “For a minute there I thought he was going to t—“
“Wh—aaaahh!” Fancy Pants’ voice sounded, screaming from down the passage followed by a resounding thud, a crash, and a burst of papers scattered to the winds as his guards followed suit.
Everypony present winced, and Princess Luna covered the foal’s ears and eyes her hooves, which Sweetie angrily batted away.
“I...” Celestia conceded, “...see your point.”
A beat of awkward silence dropped as the princess each exchanged a few glances and, fidgeting slightly, Luna spoke up. “Well, the week’s almost over anyway,” she said, half asking as she looked to the nearest sister. “Right?”
“Oh yeah!” Princess Luna lit up. Her ears perking, a wide grin spread across her face. “I almost forgot”—nodding quickly, she beat a hoof against her puffed out chest and held up the filly in her arms. “Sweetie Belle said I could come with!”
“Wait what!?” Sweetie did a double take. “I—I didn’t say th—”
“There is no way she is coming with,” Luna quipped, cutting Sweetie Belle off. “I have enough me’s running around accosting my guards, stealing my moon cakes, and accusing me of doing all of them.” She huffed and crossed her hooves, “Thank you very much.”
“Wh—” Princess Luna gasped, half shocked, half flabbergasted. “You did do all of that!” she screamed.
“You see what I am talking about?” Luna shouted, waving her hooves at herself whilst she glanced to the Celestia’s for assistance.”
However, her pleas went unanswered as each Celestia launched into their own protests. “Hey!” Princess Celestia shouted, her voice rising above the other as she butting in between the Lunas, “If she’s coming with, then you can bet my pudgy royal flank t—”
Beside her, the other Celestia scoffed, only slightly offended.
“—that I am too!” Princess Celestia finished.
“You can’t do that!” Both Lunas shouted, their voices falling in perfect unison as they shot Princess Celestia a glare.
The first, Princess Luna, snarled slightly. “She already promised to take me!”
“Yeah!” Luna agreed, moving to her own side and crossing her hooves as they took a stance against the Celestias.
“And how is that going to stop her from taking me as well?” Princess Celestia asked, to which each Luna shared a look, raised eyebrows all around.
They shrugged, and the second spoke. “That’s—” She pouted, both of them going slightly red in the ears. “I don’t know,” she huffed, “It’s ju—”
“Quiet!” Sweetie Belle suddenly shouted, her voice crackling in the higher octaves as she screamed. The princesses ground to a screeching halt, each going silent as they looked down to the—very much annoyed— filly suspended between them.
Sweetie Belle looked up to the princesses through narrowed eyes. She turned a slight shade of red as she trembled with anger and stray spark bounced off the end of her horn. She wriggled slightly in Princess Luna’s hold, prompting the princess to hold her slightly higher to see them all at eye-level.
“Listen,” she squeaked in her most, hopefully though not actually, intimidating voice ever. “I made absolutely no such promise to Princess Luna. I only agreed to bringing one set of princesses—” Gritting her teeth, she squeaked out slightly louder for emphasis – “One! I’m not taking any more, and that’s final.” She crossed her hooves, putting a lid on the conversation with a pout and a sideways turn in Luna’s hooves.
“Well...” Celestia began, exchanging a knowing glance to herself.
They both leaned in closer, and Princess Celestia added with a mischievous smirk. “...What would it take to—”
“—change your mind?” Celestia finished.
Sweetie’s ears perked, her interest peaked at the potential offer. She brought a hoof up to her chin and ran it through the hairs of her beard, a thin smile spreading across her muzzle as she turned back, slowly. “... I’m listening.”
Meanwhile, several miles away in an adjacent town, Pinkie Pie was in the middle of taking inventory.
“One chimi-cherry-changa,” she sang as she skipped down the rows of treats, a clipboard in hoof and a pen hanging from her mane. “Two chimi-cherry-changa, three chimi-cherry-changa, four chi—”
As she was about to reach the end of the row, all of a sudden there was a bright flash. The entire show exploded with a blaze of magenta magic. “Yah!” Blinded and flailing, Pinkie was thrown away from the counter. She dove, scrabbling across the storefront as quickly as she could, and took cover beneath the nearest table.
There was a loud rumbled and a crash, followed by a resounding thud and a squelch, almost like something heavy and solid, almost confectionary-like—scratch that—definitely confectionary-like landed in the middle of the shop.
Pinkie hesitantly peeked out from under the table, first her ears and a massive bundle of pink fluff, pricked and at the ready for any signs of evil. When no sound came, she heaved a sigh of relief, wiping the sweat from her brow, and risked another glance. She poked her head out from under the table, and looked around the shop. “Oh my—” Pinkie gasped. Her jaw dropped, slamming into the table, and began watering as her eyes widened to take in the sight.
“Cakes!” she screamed at the tops of her lungs, and sprung out from under the table. Dashing over to the towering pile of confectionaries, she trotted quickly around inspecting them critically. They were all shapes and sizes, all different flavours too. “Chocolate, Vanilla, Raspberry, Almond, Caerot, Carrot, even—” She squee’d internally a little as she listed off just a few of them. “—even,” she whispered, almost in reverence, “Royal Velvet.”
She was awash with excitement, and awe—awecitement—and trembling on the spot when a thought occurred to her. “Wait!” She snapped her jaw shut, wiped the spittle away with a fetlock, and put on her most serious, serious face. “I have to get these into the fridge, stat!” She blinked. “And my stomach!”
Just as she was about to grab the nearest piece of Angel’s Fruit cake—not to be confused with the Angel’s Food cake, which is just meh—Pinkie was given pause as something caught her out the corner of her eye. A single, small corner of a note poked out from between the icing, flapping slightly as the pile swayed.
“Oh!” She snatched the paper out from its hiding spot, before shouting, “And a note!” She turned it over in her hooves, and unfolded it to reveal the contents. “’From Princess Luna’?”
Pinkie went silent, her eyes looking over the page. She blinked, and glanced around her to make sure there wasn’t anypony in the room. Good, she thought, Just me and the cakes.
“Yeeeee...” She squee’d again, a wide grin spreading across her face as she hugged the note against her chest, rocking it in a tight hug. “Thank you, Best Princess!” she screamed into the rafters.
“Ahem.”
Her giggling was promptly interrupted as a mare’s voice coughed behind her. Pinkie Pie froze, turning slightly pale. Slowly, she turned around, her grin completely gone—“Uhh...”—and laid eyes on none other than Princess Twilight Sparkle.
The mare stood half concealed in the shadows. Her hooves were crossed and she bore a serious look on her face, one brow raised and wings spread for seemingly no reason as she silently glared.
“Oh, um...” Pinkie gulped, and took a step back away from the princess. “H-how long have you been there?”
“Long enough,” she said, taking a step forwards.
“Oh, uh...” she gulped again, forcing the lump down in her throat. At this point, Pinkie was beginning to sweat. The room suddenly felt a lot warmer, for no reason. She decided it was time she left, and slowly started to a backwards retreat towards the exit. “Okay, Twi, the shop’s closed, so I’m gonna...” She turned tail and bolted, scrambling for the front entrance.
There was a flash of magic, and the chiming of bells as the princess appeared directly in front of her, glaring all the harder as she blocked the only exit. Pinkie skidded to a halt in front of the princess, and began a slow retreat back towards the cake, Twilight keeping pace as she glared her down.
“Uh... uh...” Glancing around nervously, and backed up into the corner with no other options, Pinkie broke into tears and screamed. “End the chapter!” she cowered, “End the chapter now!”