//------------------------------// // Chapter twelve: showstopper // Story: Animal Friends // by Elkia Deerling //------------------------------// The streets of Ponyville were bustling with activity. Everywhere you looked there were stalls with food, games, clothes, trinkets, books, and toys. On every corner there was a small stage where musicians played their instruments. Saxophones, violins, guitars, and many more instruments filled the air with a cheerful sound. Wherever you walked, there would be some form of entertainment. Colorful streamers were cast over the crowded streets, their colors shining like rainbows captured between the houses. Everywhere, ponies were smiling, enjoying the beautiful Equestrian afternoon on this cheerful fair. Cheerful, but completely random. It was a Saturday; just an ordinary Saturday. No official holiday whatsoever. The closest holiday would be the summer vacation, but that would still be a couple of months away. All of the citizens were a colorful parade, dressed up however they seemed fit. There were policeponies, fireponies, clowns, Wonderbolts, princesses, kings, queens, robots, cows, Mysterious Mare Do Wells, and many more strange figures. Everypony took the opportunity to dress as colorful, beautiful, or silly as they could, basking in the feeling as if it were Nightmare Night, but without the scary decorations. For a few days, everypony had built, sewn, crafted, baked, and prepared himself for the grand festival. For a few days, they had gotten a small vacation to make all of this happen. They had no idea who was the mastermind of this plan; the pony who had set all of this party-preparing in motion, but they had their suspicions… No, this festival was totally random, and nopony could even begin to guess at its meaning—nor did they feel the need to. The citizens of Ponyville were always in for a celebration, especially on such a beautiful day like this one. But for two ponies, the reason to throw this party was very important. On an enormous stage, erected right in the middle of town and right in the middle of the hubbub, two ponies were talking in hushed voices to each other backstage.   “You sure this will work?” Applejack said, peeking through the curtains to look at the crowd of ponies in front of the stage. They were all looking expectantly towards the great purple curtains, as a special show had been planned at this time; the main attraction. “Of course it will,” Pinkie said with a smile on her face, which perfectly matched her cheerful and colorful dress. “This will be the biggest, randomest, no-reason-whatsoever party Ponyville has ever seen.” But then she gasped. “Maybe even the randomest party Equestria has ever seen! He will come…” Pinkie rubbed her hooves together with a sly smile. “No one can resist such a random and chaotic festival—No one, I tell you!” Applejack closed the curtain and looked at Pinkie’s cheerful eyes. “I really can’t believe we’re doing this. Don’t you think this is all a little too… drastic?” “What?!” Pinkie’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. “No party has ever been declared too drastic. Ever. Every single party I have ever thrown was necessary.” Applejack looked a little uncomfortable, and hoped that she hadn’t insulted Pinkie, although she knew she hadn’t. “Yeah, I reckon you’re right. I guess it’s just the circumstances which are a bit… odd. I mean, we’ve been through all these preparations for this enormous party for days, while Fluttershy might be fighting for her life in another world.” A tiny bit of cheer left Pinkie’s eyes. “Yeah, but look at it the positive way: not only will we entertain all the ponies of Ponyville, but we’ll get him to show up as well.” “Yeah…” Applejack said, but her gaze wandered off. “It’s just a shame it will be for nothing…” “Huh, what do you mean?” Of course Applejack had spotted the lie. The very moment Twilight Sparkle had told them all where she got the magical energy from, Applejack had noticed her gaze being all over the place, the hesitation in her voice, and her change of tone. Being the element of honesty meant being able to spot lies as well; it came naturally to Applejack. “She lied, Pinkie. Twilight lied.” Pinkie Pie stopped bouncing, and looked genuinely earnest now. “Huh? Why would she do that, silly? Twilight is our friend.” “Well, I think because she feels—“ The clock in the Ponyville tower struck three, the bells interrupting the music for three seconds. Pinkie jumped up. “Oops, gotta go, A.J. It’s show time!” “But—“ But Applejack had no opportunity to discuss the matter further. Pinkie Pie jumped through the curtains on stage, where she reared and kicked her front legs, her dress fluttering comically after her. “Hello-di-lo, everypony!” The crowd shouted back, laughed, or nodded, fired up by Pinkie’s contagious enthusiasm. “Wwwwwwwwelcome everypony on this super-duper, random-tastic, yes-nonsense celebratory day, where we celebrate the spirit of partying and… eh… randomness!” Cheers and laughter. The ponies in the crowd couldn’t help it. They knew that, with Pinkie Pie, they were going to be in for something special. Pinkie Pie calmed down and put on a serious face. “Now I know what you’re all thinking: ‘why are we celebrating on a random Saturday?’ Well, the answer is simple. Would you rather stop and ask that question, or go to the Apple family stand and fill your questioning mouth with some delicious apple fritters?” A few ponies in the crowd licked their lips and turned their heads in the direction of the stand with hungry looks. Thanks for the advertisement, Applejack thought from behind the curtains. She hadn’t really felt the need to be on that stage as well. She reckoned that she would have made a rather dull appearance next to the bouncing and colorful Pinkie Pie. On the stage, Pinkie Pie made a small pirouette, and veered off to the right. “Would you all rather think about the reason why, or fill your head with the badass new beats from everypony’s favorite DJ?” On a small platform, a separate set of curtains opened, revealing DJ PON-3, who dropped the needle on one of her latest tracks. Not too loud, of course, for Pinkie wasn’t done with her announcement yet. PON-3 dropped her shades for a second, and gave Pinkie a wink. Pinkie made a cartwheel on her forelegs, tumbling back towards the center of the stage. “And would you rather try to see the reason in front of your eyes, when you can watch and enjoy the main attraction of this festival of chaos…” DJ PON-3 scratched her record and let a small snare roll resound. “The weirdest, randomest, most spectacular and fantastical megalomaniac ever to walk or fly on this plane of existence…” The speakers rattled with a vinyl spin-back. “Discord!” And, as if on cue, as if it had all been planned, the spirit of chaos appeared out of thin air, fluttering his uneven wings, until his one hoof and one claw touched down on the stage. Immediately, he gave bows in every direction. “Thank, you, thank you everypony… Wait, why am I here and what am I thanking for?” Pinkie Pie skipped next to him. “You’re here to entertain us, of course.” Discord’s bristly eyebrow shot up. “What, huh, oh! Of course!” He knew the only way to prevent himself from looking like a fool onstage was to play along. “Of course I’m here to entertain you all. Well, you picked the finest entertainer in Equestria I’d say.” He recomposed himself, and with a snap of his finger he summoned a spotlight for himself and a classy tuxedo, complete with a cane and a top hat to top it off. The fireponies, astronauts, Lunas, scarecrows, Wonderbolts, nurses, Celestias, clowns, PON-3s, Cadences, and power ponies all looked at Discord in silence, eagerly awaiting his performance. “Well I’ll be an apple fritter,” Applejack said behind the curtains. “It actually worked.” Discord straightened his bow-tie, pulled a microphone including stand out of his sleeve, and cleared his long, lanky throat. “Very well… Why not start this great festival of… of… eh…” “Randomness,” Pinkie whispered to him. “Randomness off with some jokes!” A polite applause from the crowd. Discord smiled. He was the master of chaos, and so the master of improvisation as well. He didn’t even need a second to think, as the first joke shot through his head like a bouncing ball. “Why do fillies, hopefully in love, wait in the rain?” The ponies in the crowd didn’t take their eyes off Discord. Some started whispering into each other’s ears, as they knew the joke already. Discord let a small pause fall, for the dramatic effect. Then he blurted out, “Because they’re hoping to catch a COLT!” A collective chuckle came from the crowd. Not exactly the roar of laughter Discord was expecting, but it was something, and besides, he was just starting off. Only Pinkie Pie, standing next to PON-3’s DJ stand, roared with laughter. “A COLT! Genius!” They love me, Discord thought. Let’s have some more. He took the microphone off the stand and walked closer to the edge of the stage. “Alright, another one. What do ponies say when they’ve caught a cold?” Questioning looks. The front row of ponies looked from side to side. “Nothing, because they’re… hoarse!” It looked as if that pun was even weaker than the first. There was a small ripple of chuckling, but that was it. Pinkie, once again, burst out in laughter. More! More! Cried the small Discord in Discord’s head. “What do ponies use when they’re drinking tea?” A small mumbling, nothing more. “A stirrup!” Behind Discord, Pinkie made a fool of herself, doubling over with joy. But from the crowd, there were only little grins, which hardly made any sound. Discord took a moment to scan the crowd with his eyes, looking rather cross-eyed for a moment. He saw the grins, and saw them disappearing as well. He knew he had to do something—fast. He was losing them. “Well, eh… Why do ponies stay indoors when the weather’s bad?” Silence and stares. “Because they hate the rein!” The crowd stayed silent and grinned. But now the ponies looked at each other instead of at Discord, silently wondering if this performance would be worth their time. Some of them pointed, and walked off. Behind the scenes, Applejack slapped a hoof against her forehead. “Oh my, that was bad.” Beads of sweat started dripping off Discord’s long, thin neck and stained his brown fur. Pleasedon’tgopleasedon’tgopleasedon’tgo, he repeated over and over in his head. But that didn’t help of course. For a split-second, Discord considered a quick little mind-control spell, but then realized that he couldn’t do that—not anymore anyway. He decided to give them another pun-barrage. “Why don’t ponies like to sail?” “I like to sail,” said one stallion from the crowd. Discord ignored him. “Because they’re afraid of a bridal-wave!” Pinkie laughed; the crowd dispersed. Last chance. “H-h-how do Equestrian dogs bark?” Discord said; his voice was trembling now. Dead silence. Then, in a cloud of silver sparkles, Discord transformed himself into a big, scrawny, multi-colored dog, and said, “Hoof! Hoof!” That was the death-blow to Discord’s performance. The front row started moving away, soon followed by the rest of the ponies. “Wait! Don’t go!” Discord became really desperate now. He had never known stage-fright, not even at the Grand Galloping Gala when his stand-up comedy show went bad too. But now the feeling of being entirely alone and humiliated overwhelmed him. His mind raced with options, jokes, puns, something funny. And then, “IMITATIONS!” Discord yelled, standing on two paws and stretching out into the lanky Draconequus he was. “Everypony likes imitations, right? Let’s do our great party host an honor and imitate her first!” Some ponies stopped in their tracks and aimed their gazes back at the stage, somewhat intrigued by what was happening now. But Discord didn’t wait; he had to act now—literally. He blinked, twirled around, flashed his magic, and stood a moment later as a pony on stage; a pink pony with a curly, springy mane and tail, looking with big, blue eyes over the crowd. To the sudden flash, more and more ponies started walking back towards the big stage. Finally! Some action. “Hi everypony, I’m Pinkie Pie,” Discord said, imitating her voice almost perfectly; it was a bit too low, because he was male after all. But to compensate this, he jumped up and down, rolling over the floor laughing, and began to sing in an over-exaggerated, high-pitched voice. My name is Pinkie Pie, And I am here you see To try and make you smile with my Hyperactive me It doesn’t really matter What you do have to say Whether you want me to or not, I’ll do it anyway ‘Cause I want you to smile, smile, smile That is true I’ll force my pretty cheerfulness on you That I do ‘Cause I want you to smile, smile, smile And I know you want it too I’m eating only cupcakes And while I sing this song, My energy spikes through the roof I’m bouncing all day long I don’t know what happens In that crazy head of mine I use it only to make sure My parties last a life-time And I want you to smile, smile, smile That is true I’ll force my pretty cheerfulness on you That I do And I want you to smile, smile, smile And I know you want it too It’s true some days are dull and normal And maybe you feel sad, But Pinkie will pop up and make your day more and more mad There’s one thing that makes me happy And buries my big old frown And that’s when I put all o’ Ponyville upside-down Laughing is my hobby, My passion and my joy I rather have one single smile than A golden shiny toy ‘Cause I want you to smile, smile, smile That is true I’ll force my pretty cheerfulness on you That I do ‘Cause I want you to smile, smile, smile And I know you want it too Come on everypony, smile, smile smile, Even though I’m annoying, -oying Come on everypony, smile, smile, smile, Then I will stop my sing-ing Come on everypony, smile, smile smile, Even though I’m annoying, -oying Come on everypony, smile, smile, smile, Then I will stop my sing-ing Yes the perfect gift for me-e Is a clever word pun or three Discord’s are witty as can be Smile, smile, smile, smile, smileeeeeeee! Come on and smile Come on and smile Once the song had ended, everypony had returned to their places in front of the stage with that crazy—but quite impressive—Pinkie Pie imitator. They laughed and whistled, stomping their hooves on the grass to show their appreciation. With a jump, Discord sprang to his hooves. “Well, that kinda sums up my whole life, doesn’t it? Parties are a way of life, and a good one! But… you know… I’ve got a very funny secret—funny for you guys, not me.” Discord clopped his pink hooves together, and the next second he was back in draconequus-form. “You see,” he said, leaning forward as if he was going to share something extremely confidential with the crowd. “One day—Pinkie’s birthday in fact—Pinkie Pie had an amazing pre-party before the evening of her actual birthday party. She partied so hard, and ate so many sweets, and bounced and skipped and danced and laughed and enjoyed herself so vigorously, that, when the actual party began, she fell asleep at the DJ’s first song!” A roar of laughter went through the crowd. Some of them pointed at Pinkie Pie, who laughed along, even though she couldn’t really remember that. “Did I really do that?” Pinkie asked PON-3. The DJ nodded with a grin. Discord rubbed his lion and bird claw together. “Alright who’s next?” “Rarity,” somepony shouted from the far right. “Ah, of course.” Discord dissolved in a sparkling, glittering ball of smoke, only to reappear as the famous fashion designer. He stood in an extravagant pose, brushing his graceful purple mane as if he were posing for a photoshoot. “A grand afternoon, darlings,” he said, quite exaggerating Rarity’s proper way of speaking. “My name is Rarity and I loooooooove fashion.” As soon as those words left his mouth, a thousand different dresses flashed like a rapid-fire slideshow on and off Discord’s white figure. All the while, Discord continued to do poses for fashion magazines. And for a moment, he really felt like he was on the catwalk, showing off the latest fashion and being the center of attention. “Oh my, I might actually get used to this,” he said. Some ponies in the crowd couldn’t stand it anymore, and bent double with laughter. The crowd had swollen dramatically, as more and more ponies got curious at the outbursts of laughter before the big stage. “Hahaha! That’s hilarious,” Applejack said behind the curtains. “Wait till I tell Rarity.” She knew that Rarity wouldn’t find it funny at all, posh as she was. Next came the awkward fact. The dresses stopped appearing, and Discord changed back to his own form. But, as he did so, one dress remained on his changing body, and after a couple of seconds, he stood on the stage in a pretty pink wedding gown, complete with a graceful veil. But Discord didn’t let it ruin his show (which it didn’t; it only made the whole façade funnier), and turned to the crowd. “Now Rarity here, the great and wannabe famous fashion designer, once got a great order to produce a number of garments for some rich pony’s wild party life. So, Rarity set to work, and made the most beautiful dresses with the most beautiful fabrics, the most beautiful threads, and the most beautiful gems. Sparkling and shining these dresses were, the pinnacle of perfection. When she was done—just in time, by the way—she headed towards her customer to make her delivery. She knocked on the door, and a very handsome stallion in a classy tuxedo, which was almost as classy as mine, opened. And when Rarity asked where her customer was, the stallion pointed to himself!” The crowd went wild. They threw their hats in the air and shouted words of admiration. “Yes, that’s right, she’d totally forgotten to ask for a first name.” Discord shrugged. “Well, I guess even the best make mistakes—eh, except me, of course.” He waited a minute or two for the crowd to calm down, and moved on to his next unfortunate victim. “Alright, everypony, calm down. Let’s talk about our next star: Spike.” With a snap of his finger, Discord summoned a box of paper towels, and used one to blink away a fake tear. “Now our poor little Spike. I just don’t believe how he continues to survive under Twilight Sparkle’s iron reign. ‘Spike, fetch me a dictionary. No, not that one, the extra thick and heavy one on the top shelf.’ But, listen closely, everypony, because I know why Spike still stays with his tyrannical mistress… Because she has the largest comic collection, of course!” A collective laughter reached the draconequus’s ears. He relished in it, and inspiration struck him. “And speaking of Twilight Sparkle, everypony’s favorite princess of friendship. Do you know what she does when she is supposed to be ‘studying?’” “No,” said a few ponies. “She reads comic-books! Well, of course she does, why else would she have such an enormous collection of them. Not just for Spike, you know?” Some ponies in the crowd gasped, but those gasps soon became mixed with more chuckling and laughing. “Well,” Discord said, smiling broadly himself, “who’s next?” He considered saying ‘Hooves next,’ but thought the era of word puns had come to an end. With a flick of his wrist, he summoned a small notebook and glasses on his long muzzle. He started leafing through the book like a seasoned accountant, but all the pages were blank, of course, and Discord knew very well which pony was next. “Starlight Glimmer! Well, what to say about her? Twilght’s second slave, I suppose?” The crowd laughed, but they still kept their attention on the stage, as they knew there was going to be more. Discord made a gesture as if he were shushing the crowd. “Alright, alright, let’s not get too mean on her, shall we? We know she’s still learning and improving; but as you know, you cannot learn without making mistakes. And I just so happened to witness one of her most beautiful mistakes. Do you all know what it looked like?” “No,” the ponies in the crowd said. “Like THIS!” And with those words, Discord blew himself up into an enormous, firework-like explosion, scattering sparks and colors and sizzles and crackles high in the sky. At first, the crowd became startled, but then a chorus of ‘ohs,’ and ‘ahs’ resounded. When the last sparks dissolved and the last bangs echoed away, Discord rematerialized in the Sulphur cloud that remained. “Yes, that’s right, everypony, she blew up Twilight’s beautiful study in one of her experiments. That day, she learned two very important spells: how to create indoor-fireworks, and how to summon an exact copy of a study!” The crowd roared with laughter. Many of the ponies fell upon their haunches or rolled away, clutching their stomachs in their hooves. The crowd had swelled to about half of the population of Ponyville now, and although the ponies that stood all the way at the back couldn’t hear the draconequus’s voice quite as loudly and clearly as the front ones, they still joined in on the laughter; laughter is contagious, after all. “Rainbow Dash! Do Rainbow Dash!” one enormous stallion shouted from the public. He wore a Wonderbolts costume, and had dyed his mane in rainbow colors. “Bien sure,” Discord said. He began racking his brain for embarrassing facts about everypony’s favorite action hero, which took him about three seconds, then he held the mic in front of his muzzle again. “Rainbow Dash. She’s such a badass, isn’t she? Well, I’ve got something to roast her too, don’t you worry. I know, for instance, who her favorite Wonderbolt is…” The crowd was silent, waiting for the joke. “Soarin.” Confused gazes. Was that the joke? “And do you guys know how I know that?” Discord said, leaning forward and sniffing up the confusion. The crowd gave a collective shake of the head. “Because I saw her sleeping with the most beautiful Soarin plushie I had ever seen!” Another laugh exploded like fireworks in the crowd. Even the Rainbow Dash fans chuckled along; they knew Dash could handle a joke. “Yes,” Discord said, laughing along. But then his face became serious. “What are you laughing at? It was not a mere cuddly toy, you know? This was an ‘action figurine,’ signed by Soarin himself.” The crowd didn’t stop laughing; the jokes went on and on and on. Discord twirled his finger around his goatee; a sly smile appeared on his lips. “Hmm… I wonder whether Soarin knows this…” Luckily for Soarin, he wasn’t in the crowd. Unluckily for Soarin, he was standing only a few yards away, and one stallion stepped out of the crowd and tapped him on the shoulder. “Hehehe, who would’ve thought?” Applejack said behind the curtains, grinning from ear to ear. Discord waited for the laughter to subside. Then, he summoned a wooden chair from another dimension and sat down. He looked into the crowd with a serious gaze, and everypony fell silent at once. “Now, let me get something straight, before you are going to think me some kind of a voyeur, looking at sleeping ponies. You see, the reason why I know all of this, and the reason why I like spying so much, is because… well… When I was just a little Discord, all I ever wanted was to be a secret agent, like Sweetie Dr—“ but then he caught himself. In the crowd, Bon Bon started to inch slowly to the side. “Like Sweetie Belle,” Discord finished. “Wait, what?” Sweetie Belle said, who was standing almost in the front row with her other friends. “I never wanted to be a secret agent.” Scootaloo jumped up. “But I would like to.” “Yeah, me too,” Applebloom said. “Hey!” Scootaloo said with sparkling eyes. “Let’s try to get our cutie marks in spying! That sounds like a really cool job.” “Good idea!” Applebloom said. Sweetie Belle looked at her friends’ faces and simply couldn’t refuse. A second later, they trotted off. Discord, meanwhile, had recomposed himself, and was once again standing in full glory in his classy tuxedo. “Well, then. Let’s talk about our last unfortunate pony for today, then I’m going to be off spying some more and enjoying this beautiful festival. Can I have some drums please?” DJ PON-3 let the snares roll. Last victim? Applejack thought. But there’s two left: Fluttershy and— “Applejack!” Discord yelled at the top of his lungs. Behind the curtains, Applejack stirred. “Wait, what?!” Discord snickered, he knew he could go all-in with her, for he couldn’t see her face in the crowd, and therefore concluded with all logics that she wasn’t there. “Oh, and the ever-so-honest Applejack has done a lot of naughty and not-so-honest things, mind you. Or, well… they might actually have been honest, but she never honestly told them anyway!” The ponies shuffled on their hooves, eager to hear the rest. Applejack primed her ears as well, although she would have done better to cover them instead. “Our suspect,” Discord officially stated, “has been found guilty of stealing. Oh yes, I know where that first barrel of Zap Apples goes to once it has been ‘safely’ stored away in the barn. You know, the first Zap Apples of the season are always the tastiest, and even I know how hard it is to resist the temptation of tasting just one… and then another one… and another one. And so does Applejack!” A blush spread on Applejack’s cheeks, and she was lucky to be standing backstage. But the crowd didn’t laugh that much. They could somehow relate to Applejack; Zap Apples were the tastiest apples around, after all. At the lack of thundering laughs, Applejack sighed in relief. When Discord saw the lack of hard-earned appreciation, he quickly continued. “Next fun-fact: Applejack once kissed a sheep.” Bam! There it was; another awkward fact. Now the crowd did laugh, but Applejack wasn’t that amused. “No hold on a minute,” she said. “I was giving her mouth-to-mouth. The little dear would’ve choked if I hadn’t helped her.” She snorted. Part of her wanted to run up to the stage and explain herself, but she decided against it. She didn’t want to ruin the act, and besides, she could always explain herself later. But Discord wasn’t done yet. “Now, our third blunder—and my personal favorite—has to do with her lasso skills.” My lasso skills? Applejack thought. What could possibly be wrong with those? “You see,” Discord said, “in order to keep in shape, she practices a lot, preferably at the break of dawn. One time, she had a very late night, I believe it was because Pinkie had thrown a party… Well, what else could it have been—it doesn’t matter. So I was lying in the sun and saw her spinning the rope in graceful curves and arcs, jumping up and down and through the loops. Then she swung her lasso high above her head. Higher, and higher, and higher…” The ponies in the crowd bent forward, ears aimed at the stage. “Until she finally caught something… or should I say, somepony?” Applejack jumped up. “What?! How could he know. It-it was an accident!” On the stage, Discord fell down on his back and laughed until tears rained down on the planks. “Hahaha! I can’t believe it! You guys should have seen her face when the poor little pegasus got plucked right out of the sky and tumbled down on top of Applejack’s head.” He rolled from one corner of the stage to the other. “Unbelievable! A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! A sight more beautiful than Aurora Borealis!” “Alright! That’s enough!” Applejack snorted. But the crowd didn’t think it was enough. The echoes of many dozens of laughs rolled through Ponyville’s town square, forming a chorus led by Discord’s distorted chuckle. Suddenly, one pony raised a hoof and said, “I’m sorry, Applejack. I just don’t know what went wrong.” To that, the laughter only swelled. It was now a hurricane, able to be heard from Canterlot perhaps. Applejack recognized the voice of the pegasus who had apologized. Then, sudden anger got a hold of her, as she realized that the crowd was not only laughing at her own innocent mistake, but might also be laughing at the poor grey pegasus which just wanted to say sorry for real. Applejack braced herself, scraped the floor with her front hoof like a bull ready for a charge, and charged up on the stage. Discord jerked his head one-hundred-and-eighty degrees and saw the galloping cowpony. “Oh, hello there, Apple—“ “Show’s over!” Applejack called, as she twirled around Discord and shoved him behind the curtains in the blink of an eye. A chorus of boos was flung after her Pinkie Pie looked just as startled as PON-3. She nudged at the DJ, who got the message and started spinning a tune. Both ponies knew they had to keep the crowd happy. Pinkie Pie jumped on the stage, determined to save her show. “Alright, everypony, that was Discord! Let’s give him a round of applause!” But the crowd didn’t play along; they obviously wanted more roasts. A few of them started walking away. “Eh…” Pinkie said, trying to keep up her smile. “Let’s… Let’s bring it up for our next act: Cheese Sandwich!” The walking ponies turned around, and a small applause resounded anyway, growing to a large wave in a few seconds. Pinkie made a backflip, disappearing behind the curtains, while Cheese Sandwich sprang on stage, holding a unicycle in one hoof and a couple of burning cones in the other. “Ah, Pinkie Pie!” Discord said. “You came just in time. Please save me from this feral horse here.” He nudged with his head towards Applejack, who had him pinned down on the wooden floor. But Applejack already stepped off the draconequus. “Don’t bother, Pinkie. I just wanted to make a point here.” Discord got up and brushed the dust off his shoulders. “It seems somepony doesn’t have a sense of humor…” Feeling the urge to charge at Discord again, Applejack said, “I like humor that doesn’t make other ponies look like fools in front of the whole town.” To that, Discord said nothing, but just snorted and turned his head the other way. “Aw! Come on you two,” Pinkie Pie said, as she walked over the planks towards them, nearly tripping over her extravagant dress. “Don’t fight on this wonderful day please. If there’s one thing I’ve learned of my life as a professional party planner, it’s that everypony has a different kind of humor. Now look at each other and say sorry.” A bit surprised at those wise words from her friend, Applejack bit her lip and stuck out a hoof. She didn’t really want to make it up to Discord, as she still found his sense of humor crude and rude, but Applejack knew they had to come to friendly terms, were she to borrow some of the draconequus’s magic. “Alright, Discord. I’m sorry I pushed you offstage.” Discord shook Applejack’s hoof, but didn’t look at her. “And I’m sorry I roasted your friends.” But not you, he thought afterwards, and even though he didn’t say that aloud, Applejack received the hidden message loud and clear. “Good job, you two,” Pinkie Pie said. Then she wrapped her hooves around the two of them and embraced them into an enormous bear-hug (or pony-hug). “We’re the bestest of friends now!” “The bestest of friends,” repeated Discord. “Eeyup,” Applejack said. Then Pinkie Pie let them go, content with their words. At once, Discord started rubbing his back, cracked it in every possible direction, and hovered in the air. “Well, I must say, my dear Pinkie Pie, that you’ve really outdone yourself with this party. It looks quite… chaotic. And to organize it on a random Saturday like that… Simply beautiful; a real piece of art.” “Awwwwww, you are too kind,” Pinkie said with a blush on her face, hardly distinguishable against the soft pink of her hide. “You know, we kinda threw this party just for you.” “Oh really?” Discord tried to out-blush Pinkie by turning as read as a lobster himself. “Oh, look, now I am the one who’s blushing.” “The thing is,” Applejack said, not wanting to interrupt the conversation, but also wanting to get to the point already, “we wanted to ask you a favor.” Discord started playing with his goatee, his colors returning to normal. “Do you now?” He looked like he was contemplating the offer, although Applejack hadn’t even told him what it was all about. “Yes we do,” Pinkie said, bouncing up and down, perhaps in excitement or perhaps in nervousness. “Well, let’s hear it then,” Discord said. Pinkie Pie stopped jumping. “Oh, it’s nothing big, really. We just want to borrow some of your super-duper-extremely-powerful-interdimensional teleportation magic  to get Fluttershy back to Equestria. I think the same amount you loaned Twilight will do just fine.” At this, Applejack winced as if she’d just stepped on a nail. She didn’t mean getting to the point that quickly. In a flash, her thoughts went back to the council, where Twilight Sparkle had lied about borrowing magic from Discord. Applejack’s guess was that she had borrowed it from somepony else. Somepony who had trusted her with a fragment of powerful magic, which Twilight had used to accidentally teleport Fluttershy to another world. Applejack reckoned that Twilight was too ashamed to admit her abuse of that magic to the rest of her friends, as she had also been so ashamed to tell her friends about Fluttershy getting teleported to Middle Earth. Surely Twilight would want as few ponies—or draconequuses—to know about the accident; and least of all Discord. But Pinkie Pie had just blurted all of that out, right-in-your-face style, and now she looked at Discord with big, pleading eyes. “Ho! Wait! What?!” Discord said, his long body moving in weird curves. “You… WHAT?!” He wasn’t sure if he’d heard it right, and forced himself to calm down. “Excuse me there. I must have misunderstood you. Let me rewind.” He reached out with his furry lion-paw, and booped Pinkie on the muzzle. Immediately, her eyes turned into two backward-facing arrows. Like a rewinding tape recorder pinkie stood there, until Discord let her nose go. “To get Fluttershy back to Equestria.” Pinkie repeated with the exact same words and the exact same intonation. Discord shook his head in disbelief, then booped her again. “To get Fluttershy back to Equestria.” And again. “To get Fluttershy back to Equestria.” And again. “To get Fluttershy back to Equestria.” Then he let go of Pinkie Pie, and landed on the ground. He frowned like he had never frowned before, staring first at Pinkie Pie, then at Applejack. It looked as if he wanted to force the whole story out of the two ponies by staring them down. In a dangerously calm voice he said, “What… happened… with… Fluttershy?” Instinctively, Applejack did a step back. But Pinkie Pie kept smiling, perhaps wondering what Discord had just done to her, but probably not. Then, Applejack took the word. She realized that there was nothing she could do except to tell Discord the whole story. And she did. With a voice which was reluctant to let the words flow out of her mouth, she began to speak. Applejack tried to let out as many details as she could, as to speed up her story, and as to protect Twilight Sparkle as best as she could. With every sentence, Discord’s eyebrow shot up higher and higher, and his eyes grew larger and larger. Applejack told about the accident, about Middle Earth, about the forest Fluttershy might be stranded in. When Applejack became silent once more and had turned her gaze to the ground, Discord’s eyes were as big as watermelons, staring at Applejack with a gaze that spoke all the unbelievable expressions in Equestria. Discord never was a good listener, and he occasionally interrupted Applejack’s story with a gasp, a frown, a face-palm, a sigh, or a blink. “So where is she now? Is she safe?” Discord said. Applejack shuffled on her hooves. “We… eh… We don’t know.” Discord staggered back and sat down on a crate. He slumped and held his head in his hands, his eyes closed. The Discord that sat down was a far cry from the slightly sarcastic stand-up comedian he was minutes ago. “Fluttershy…” he whispered. All the while Pinkie Pie had been silent, but now she saw how she could help. “But don’t you worry, Discord, because we have a plan!” Discord’s head shot up. “You do?!” “Yeah,” Pinkie said, hopping closer to him with a smile, while radiating some positive energy towards Discord. “Haven’t you been listening to what I said? We are going to get her back. Twilight is doing all kinds of nerdy-birdy programming stuff, while the rest of us gather the things which are needed to fix the machine.” Discord nodded while Pinkie spoke, breathless and silent. “She’s right, Discord,” Applejack said, her voice calm and collected. “We can get her back. The only thing we need is some of your magic, which we then store inside crystals and shove into the machine.” “Yes, just like you gave Twilight some,” Pinkie added. Oh no! Applejack thought. To that, only one eyebrow of Discord shot up. “Huh? What are you talking about? I never gave any magic to Twilight Sparkle.” “Oh, that’s weird,” Pinkie Pie said, but then she remembered what Applejack had said behind the closed curtain. “I mean… eh… of course she—I mean, you didn’t.” Discord looked from Pinkie to A.J. “Don’t worry about that, Discord,” Applejack said. “That isn’t important right now. What is important right now is the magic. Can you give it to us or not?” “Of course!” Discord suddenly swung his legs, and jumped up from the box and in the air, where he hovered with flaps of his tiny wings. Then, he twirled around in a cloak of magic and sparkles. When it settled down, the draconequus was clad in a shiny, ornate silver armor, complete with a jousting lance and a plume on his helmet. Pinkie let out an, “Oh!” “I shall lend you my magic and enter the realm of this ‘Middle Earth,’ to save my damsel in distress.” Applejack tilted her head. “Your… what now?” Landing back on the ground, Discord slapped his lion claw to his face and rolled his eyes. “I’m gonna go into that there teleporter and get Fluttershy out.” “Oh,” Applejack said, completely understanding Discord’s words now. But then she jumped up. “I mean NO!” Discord looked at A.J. with a suspicious eye. “Why not? I am certainly the most able knight you mares have—a warrior! I bet you have never jousted before. Well, of course you haven’t, because in jousting you have to sit on the horse, and not be the horse. Who would be a better candidate to enter a fantasy world than I, Discord. And besides, you don’t want to know how much Ogres and Oubliettes experience I have. My character is already level fifteen, mind you!” Applejack didn’t understand half of what the draconequus just blurted out, and was still figuring that out when he continued. “I will only lend you mares my magic when I can go into the teleporter and get Fluttershy back. That is the deal—take it or leave it!” And with that, he folded his arms over his shiny metal chest, his armor rattling along. This is bad, Applejack thought. Discord wanted to go into the teleporter himself. He had already betrayed Applejack, her friends, and Equestria multiple times, so Applejack knew that throwing him into a whole new world was a bad idea. What if his evil side would shine through again? What if he secretly wanted to rule Middle Earth? From all the things that Twilight had told, Applejack reckoned that this Sauron and Discord could be best buddies in there, enslaving a whole world—albeit a fictional one. Maybe Discord would indeed be able to get Fluttershy back, but he was too much of a wild card. And besides, Applejack didn’t trust him one single bit. Not only because he tried to turn Equestria into his private playground full of randomness, but also because Applejack couldn’t read him. With every pony Applejack encountered, she had been able to spot a lie lickety-split. No problem at all. But with Discord… There was something about him that made it impossible for Applejack to tell truth from lies when he spoke. Applejack didn’t really need to feel ashamed by that, for Discord was the spirit of chaos, after all. But the unpredictability of Discord bothered her a lot, and she never felt comfortable in his presence for long. No. He’s not going, Applejack thought. Leave it. “We’ll take it,” Pinkie Pie said. “No!” Applejack vaulted over the wooden boards right towards Pinkie Pie, almost tackling her to the ground. She grabbed hold of the pink pony and shoved her aside, as if she wanted to protect her from Discord. “No?” Discord said. “You don’t want to save Fluttershy?” “Yes we do!” Applejack sneered. “Just give us some time to think this through.” “Suit yourself,” Discord said. He summoned an apple, jabbed it on the point of his lance, and began to eat it. Of course Discord was relaxed; he knew that the ponies had no choice. “What’s the matter, A.J.?” Pinkie said. “You look stressed.” “Yeah, well, that’s because I am stressed. Do you really think sending Discord after Fluttershy would be a good idea? Do you really think that Twilight would want that? What were you thinking?” “Nothing,” Pinkie said with her innocent smile and squeaky noise. Applejack slapped a hoof to her forehead. She knew she couldn’t blame Pinkie, yet she silently wished that she would be less impulsive from time to time. “You know, Pinkie, why don’t you let me do the talking, alright?” Pinkie tilted her head sideways. “Oki-doki-loki!” “That’s a good filly,” Applejack said, and patted Pinkie Pie as if she were a dog. Then, she turned around at Discord. “I’m really sorry, Discord, but we can’t do that.” Discord almost choked on his apple. He started coughing, slamming his fist on his tummy. When at last the core of the apple flew out of his mouth and against Applejack’s cheek, he spoke with wide-open eyes. “WHAT?! It’s Fluttershy’s LIFE we’re talking about. You’re gambling with dangerous stakes here, Miss Applejack.” Applejack frowned at this accusation. “I’m not, Discord. It’s just that we find you too unreliable. I know for sure that Twilight wouldn’t want you meddling in our business. This is serious, you know, and I doubt anypony trusts you well enough to take on such a big responsibility.” “Aw, come on,” Discord said, as if he were begging for a cookie from his mom, but inside, he felt insulted—his pride was dented. “I’m reformed, remember? I am your friend! Am I not, Pinkie Pie?” “Of course you are, Discord,” Pinkie blurted out, violating her non-speaking treaty with Applejack. “See,” Discord said. “And besides, I am pretty sure that Fluttershy herself would love to see my friendly face after such an ordeal. She trusts me, anyway. She will be happy to see me again, her savior, her knight in shining armor!” It was a good point. Applejack looked from side to side, biting her lip. This argument had been both sensible and true; she didn’t need to read Discord’s face for that, for it was a fact. Fluttershy did like Discord a lot, and considered him her friend and patient. “Well…” Discord said, leaning forward and waiting for the words he wanted to hear. The pressure switched Applejack’s mind into high gear. She had to find an honest answer; a way to win this debate and persuade Discord. But she came up empty. At last, her mind gave up. Her ears drooped down, and A.J. stared at the floor. “You know Fluttershy loves me, Applejack,” Discord said with a sly grin, obviously enjoying using the leverage he had. “It’s no lie.” A lie. That vile, terrible word reached the cowpony’s ears. Lying was everything she was against; the truth everything she believed in. From that word sprouted a thought, and that thought scared her. With an internal shock, traveling like a snake’s deceptive words through her mind, Applejack realized that that was the only way to win this argument, with a lie. “Agreed.” It looked so easy, but Applejack struggled with the words, as they together crafted a big, fat lie. “Discord, you may go to Middle Earth if you lend us your magic.” “Yes!” Discord somersaulted into the air. “I knew you would come around. Admitting isn’t hard you know? Trying to change someone’s mind is harder.” Pinkie Pie cheered along, doing a funny dance while she wrapped her hoof around Applejack. “We’re gonna save Fluttershy! We’re gonna save Fluttershy!” “You mean I am going to save Fluttershy,” Discord corrected. “Oops sorry.” Pinkie changed the lyrics immediately. “I am gonna save Fluttershy! I am gonna save Fluttershy!” But Applejack didn’t laugh, nor dance, nor sing. She felt dirty, having told such a grave lie. A promise she couldn’t keep. She wanted to think about some way to prevent the promise to come true, but her mind was blank. She felt like the biggest hypocrite in Equestria. f the many V#[|�<9