//------------------------------// // 11 - The absurd, the bizarre, and the fantastic! // Story: Oddities Anonymous // by TheAlmightyTinCan //------------------------------// “EVERYONE ANTHONY’S HERE IT’S TIME TO START THE MEETING!!!” The mare’s voice echoed throughout the room, drawing the attention of everyone present. Heads and ears turning, pausing their games and chatter in an almost comically immediate fashion. Anthony watched as the rest of the oddities about the room looked between each other and Fizzle, smiles spread across many of their faces. And then, every light in the room turned off. … … ... “Hay! Ow! Scoot over!” “Watch your step!” “Who just pulled my tail?!” “BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH!” Anthony sat on his chair in silence, now in complete darkness. Listening to the oddities as they cursed and scrambled about. Unsure of what was happening and completely devoid of vision, Anthony let out a long sigh. Had it been another time or place, Anthony may have been freaking out if he’d found himself in such a situation. Stuck in a darkened room with a number of strange and unknown beings about. So today, why wasn’t he? Maybe some sort of switch in his head flicked off when he entered the room, or his mind was overwhelmed and still trying to process everything that had just transpired. Or maybe it was the strange mare, Fizzle. Had her endearing, yet slightly creepy personality sought to calm his troubled and worrisome mind, providing a bit of, as strange as it may sound, humanity to the situation as a whole? Maybe. But probably it was all of the above, as at the moment Anthony felt like the definition of scatterbrained. There’s only one thing can be done in times like these… Anthony thought to himself. Reaching out in the darkness, he deftly snagged the bottle of liquor from it’s resting place on the bar and took a big swig, savouring the flavour as much as he could. It doesn’t matter who it is or how hard their life has been, there’s a point in everyone’s lives where they become so completely overwhelmed with a situation that they just give up trying to control it. A point when a person decides to sit back and enjoy the show because it’s the only way that they won’t fry their brain trying to understand what the hell is going on around them. For ordinary people, this may come about during chaos at the workplace, or perhaps more darkly when your car’s about to crash and you know there’s no longer anything you can do about it. For Anthony however, this sweet release came right about now, trapped in a room, in the dark, surrounded by a bunch of beings whose agendas he couldn’t begin to discern. After all, what’s the point of caring, if caring can no longer protect you. The shouts of everyone around the room slowly began to quiet down, and before Anthony could even begin to wonder what was about to happen, the lights flicked back on, forcing him have to blink spots out of his eyes. “Ah! God, ya’ piece of…” Anthony cursed to himself, shifting his feet he noticed that somehow they were able to touch the floor now. But that couldn’t be right, he was sitting in a tall bar stool after all. Anthony looked around. No longer was Anthony sitting at the bar he was oh so familiar with, but instead he appeared to be in a much smaller room. The walls were made of cinder blocks painted white, he noticed an old looking window with paint chipping off the frame to his right , and a thick wooden door across the room, the area reminded him of a classroom in an inner city school. But what was far more startling than this sudden change was what, or more specifically “who”, was in the room with him. Sitting around him in cheap plastic chairs were the oddest bunch of creatures that Anthony had ever laid eyes on, as he scanned over the new beings before him he immediately recognised a few familiar faces, like that of Fizzle, who happened to be directly across from him, and the strange goo mare who was just to his right. Before Anthony could fully take in the details of the other creatures around him, Fizzle spoke up. “Hello everyone!” Fizzle greeted the circle happily, giving pause as many of the oddities returned friendly hello’s and hi’s. “Firstly, I’d like to welcome all you back to another of our, little, meetings.” She paused between each word, accentuating them. “Now, as you all know, we have a new guest with us today!” A number of the oddities turned and waved to him. Anthony gave a half-hearted smile and shook his hand slightly in a way that some might mistake as a wave. “I hope that you all work to make him feel comfortable and welcome tonight. I certainly will!” Fizzle threw Anthony another wink, Anthony sank into his chair, keeping a flat look on his face. “Now, time to get down to business. Everyone here accept maybe Nelson should know the drill by now! So, as a quick refresher here’s how we start out.” Fizzle adjusted her position in her seat, pointing a hoof at the goo mare to Anthony’s right. “Newbies always go last, and so today we’re gonna go counterclockwise around the circle. Everyone say your name, what you are, and how it affects you. And Anthony, when it comes to your turn you will do the same.” Hey, she can pronounce my name? “READYSETGO!” Fizzle shouted excitedly, signaling the goo mare with a hoof. The green mare jumped slightly in response, causing a small splash of green goop to shoot out from her already completely goop soaked chair. “Oh okay…” The mare said, having calmed down. She took a few deep breaths, placing her hoof against her chest the appendage seemed to sink in about half an inch, melding with the goop across her body. After another moment of collecting herself she spoke up. “Hello… My name is… Sweet.”  The mare spoke slowly and methodically, leaving large gaps between every few words. Her voice was light, and the way she dragged out her words gave the mare a sort of calming aura. “And I’m a goo pony…” The mare finished, Anthony tilted his head slightly. Sweet is her name? Just Sweet? Anthony’s mind suddenly clicked from neutral into overdrive, thoughts churning out theories. Most ponies have some form of surname from what I’ve seen. Is this possibly an indication of some sort of rocky family history or~  Anthony was jolted from his thoughts as the whole room chimed in chorus. “HI SWEET!” “Oh… uh, hi, again.” The mare said awkwardly. Reaching up Sweet rubbed a hoof through her mane, the action smoothing out an almost unnoticeable lump in it’s surface. “And uh, well, I” Her emerald eyes flicked to Anthony’s for a fraction of a second. “I’ve been a goo pony my whole life… It makes a lot of things really hard. Everywhere I go, I just make a huge mess.” Sweet lifted her Hoof out of her green boot, showing how the goop still dripped from her hoof even without her having to touch anything. “It has made it impossible to find a job. No matter where I went, no one wants a pony who can’t do anything without getting it soaked in… this.” Sweet gestured to herself, looking down at the ground sadly. “And since my parents both left after their families started fighting, I was thrown around between foster cares until I was finally old enough for them to dump me.” Sweet’s breathing was slightly heavy, As though she was struggling to keep from crying, or maybe she was crying? It was impossible to tell. “So, I had no money, no job. I’d almost completely given up on, everything.” She looked across the room towards Fizzle and smiled. “But then Fizzle found me. She helped me realize that I was useful, and I did have value. Together we discovered that my goop” She taped herself on the chest. “Has properties similar to Aloe vera. Not only does it soothe burns but it also is good on cuts and prevents infection.” Damn. Anthony thought. If that didn’t impede on her daily life so much that could almost be considered a superpower. “So, nowadays I actually sell my goop for a living. And yes, I do tell ponies where it comes from. In the early days I was very surprised by how few actually cared that it essentially came from my skin. But I guess if it works, it works. Otherwise I live with Fizzle so I try to help her around her shop as best I can... I think that’s about it, um… any questions?” Sweet looked over towards Anthony. Gazing about he noticed that nobody else appeared to be speaking up, he’d guessed that they’d already all heard this story before. Thinking quickly Anthony spoke. “One question.” Sweet nodded. “You mentioned that you were born a goo pony, correct?” she nodded once more. “How?” Sweet tilted her head in an adorably confused manner. Fizzle spoke up from across the room. “I think he’s wondering why you were born a goo pony and not a regular pony!” Fizzle spoke slightly too loudly. Sweet made an ‘oh’ shape with her mouth reminding Anthony of a gummy bear. “My father was a jam pony and my mother was a jelly pony.” Sweet said matter of factly, as though that explanation somehow made sense. “It’s also the reason why I was never given a last name. My father wanted me to be named Sweet Jam and my mother Sweet Jelly. Their arguments over that among other things lead to the families falling apart.” Sweet looked back at Anthony. “Does that answer your question?” She asked. No it doesn’t “Yeah.” Anthony said nodding. After a moment of silence Fizzle clopped her hooves together, creating a rather harmonic ring as the two glass hocks met. “Nelson, are you ready?” Anthony’s gaze shifted down to the next chair. Sitting in it was a mustard yellow unicorn stallion, his blonde  mane cut to the somewhat default look that a lot of stallions seemed to have. His cutie mark appeared to be a large but simple looking hammer, mid swing. He seemed to have an average stature for a pony, much slimmer than the bulky members of the guard at the castle, and not fat like some of the nobles were. Lastly was his eyes, Nelson’s were a quite striking gunmetal grey. As Anthony studied the stallion, he couldn’t pinpoint what was so odd about him, the colt actually seemed completely normal, besides the strangely human name maybe. “As ready as I’ll ever be.” Nelson said, shifting his wings into a more comfortable position on his back. Oh… “Hi my name is Nelson, Nelson Steel.” “HI NELSON.” Everyone said in unison, including Anthony this time. “So, at first glance you might think that I’m an alicorn, but that would be wrong... There isn’t actually a proper name or title for ponies like me, but still, a more accurate term would be a pegacorn.” Anthony suddenly recalled calling Luna a pegacorn on multiple occasions, enjoying seeing her get bent about it. All the while having no idea that it had a proper use, well, unofficially a proper use. “While alicorns are ponies who embody the powers of all three of the pony races, pegacorns embody two, or, half of two. Basically I can’t do much more than glide with my wings and use basic spells with my horn, it’s weird like that. Also, I’m probably the only pegacorn currently alive in Equestria, just because of how they, or, we are conceived.” Nelson seemed rather well prepared for this the flow of his speech was smooth, contrary to Sweet’s many pauses, and whenever his words threatened to tumble over each other he’d smooth it out with a nice transition. As he spoke his eyes would slowly roam around the room occasionally locking onto Anthony who continued to listen aptly. “Pegacorns can only be born from a purebred pegasus and a purebred unicorn. Which is very unlikely to happen nowadays, and will probably be impossible in the future because of ponies becoming more accepting of certain things. So for all I know I could be the last ever, which would actually be kind of cool...” Nelson tried to hold a smile, but the twinges at the edges of his mouth quickly dropped as though someone had cut the strings that were holding them up. He continued. “I was lucky enough to have my parents with me as I grew up. But, as it usually is with these sorts of situations, the rest of both of their families had cut ties with my mom and dad. They were all a little too, traditional.” He said the word with a hint of spite. “Being what I am was never too hard throughout life. Schooling was difficult because any classes that involved  either magic or flying I would fail, and I didn’t really make any friends because you know, different.” He said, using his hooves to mark air quotes. “But it really became a lot more troublesome when I grew up. Made it hard to get a job because I wasn’t particularly proficient with either of these.” He gestured to his horns and wings. “And I had to start wearing a hoodie around after an incident where a guard accused me of impersonating royalty. He, uh, insisted that my wings were fake, dislocated one trying to pull them off…” A number of the winged folk around the room couldn’t help but grimace at the thought. “Nowadays my parents are retired and I turned the old shop they had in Manehattan into a small smithy. It actually works out rather well, being able to stoak coals and wield a hammer at the same time opens up a lot of possibilities.” Nelson’s personality seemed a tad subdued, and Anthony couldn’t help but wonder if it was just from recalling past memories or if this simply what he was like normally. Either way Nelson seemed pretty chill compared to most ponies he’d met before, maybe they’d get to know eachother better soon. “Any questions?” Nelson asked, his eyes flicked to Anthony. Anthony simply shook his head slowly. “Star?” Nelson asked quietly, turning to the mare to his right. Looking to the next chair Anthony could actually recognise the type being he spotted there, or at least, he thought he did. A crystalline coated mare, her mane was a sparkling pure white combed neatly to the right in a bobbed hairstyle. Her eyes were even more striking than the gunmetal of Nelson’s, as they sparkled like shimmering blue diamonds under the dim lights of the room. And yet somehow, even MORE striking than that was the mare’s coat, as even the tiniest ray of light danced across her body, creating a myriad of shimmering, clear,  reflections. As Anthony staired, the mare smiled at him sweetly, cutting a few years off his life due to the sheer adorableness that she radiated. “Hello everyone. My name is Twinkle Star…” “HI TWINKLE!” “and I am a diamond pony.” Anthony froze, holding back a cacophony of bad jokes and references to a certain video game in his mind. “Like most everyone here, I was born the way I am today. However, there is no inherent reason that I was born this way, unlike Nelson and Sweet. I was just… pure chance.” Every small movement the mare made cause ripples of light to flow across her coat in a mesmerising way. Oddly enough, the little sparkles that came off of her reminded Anthony of Luna’s mane for whatever reason. “I lived a long time ago, before King Sombra came to power in the Crystal Empire. Originally, I was born to one of the few noble families of the Empire. Nopony had ever even heard of a diamond pony before, so naturally, my parents quickly hailed my birth as… a sign of providence.” Twinkle’s voice was soft, but highly refined, her words tending towards a more political vocabulary, but a shy timidness shuttered beneath the surface. “I was called the Jewel of the Crystal Empire, second only to the crystal heart itself. My childhood was deprived from me, my teachings all done in private, my movements, and growth, monitored constantly.” “I can not think of a pony who spoke to me in my early life who did not attempt to manipulate me in some manner. There were attempts at bribery, blackmail, and far too many who asked for my hoof at a far too young age.” The mare’s face turned to a disgusted frown. “If I have my parents to thank for one thing it’s that they didn’t decide to ship me that early.” “But in every other regard, I was just a little toy doll to my parents and family. Used constantly to push their own agendas. In looking back on it, Sombra’s rise to power may have been good in a way, if only just to me.” “When Sombra rose the noble families were the first to fall.” Twinkle shuddered, her diamond blue eyes glazed over, a smokey grey tint covering them. “I’ve been told that, when I was found. I was taken as a personal servant to the Dark King himself. I simply thank whatever gods that may be that I have no recollection of those days.” The grey slowly dissipated from her eyes, Twinkle shook her head as though trying to clear it of the haze. “When the dark king finally fell and the heart was returned. I realized that the Empire had nothing left to offer me. I did not wish to stay and wait for either noble families to come into power once more, or for others that would seek to manipulate or… use me, to come out of the woodwork. I took the first train out, ending up here in Canterlot. Since then I’ve been spending my days refining my craft as a jewelry maker. It isn’t a glamorous life, but it’s far better than what I once had.” The mare finished, a deep expression of reflection on her face. Anthony looked to the mare’s side, failing to spot any sort of cutie mark. Strange. “MY TURN NOW!” Fizzle shouted in glee. Clopping her hooves together excitedly. “Hiiii~ I’m Fizzzzle POP!” Anthony couldn’t actually tell if the POP was part of the mare’s name or not because of the fact that it sounded less like a word and more like the actual sound of a soda being opened. “HI FIZZLE!” “And I am, the one, the only, soda pony to have EVER graced the lands of Equestria!” The strange amalgamate creature to the left of Fizzle snapped it’s paw. As he did, the sound of uproarious cheers filled the room, Fizzle gave a few bows while remaining seated. “Oh why thank you! Thank you!” She said as the cheers died down. “Anyways, a bit about myself. Unlike most living creatures to date, I personally was not born, or conceived in a natural way like so many others. Nay! I was the product of an experiment! An experiment done by none other than the late great scientist and soda lover Dr. POP! My father.” “You see my father had a dream. To not only create the greatest soda of all time, but to do that soda the justice it deserves by bringing it life! And so, when my father’s project was finally complete, my glass skin and cold, bubbly, delicious insides were imbued with the magic of LIFE! I rooose from the table that dear father had built me on, like frankenpony’s monster! My father screamed!” Fizzle put her hooves up in mock terror, covering her face. “And then he ran over and hugged me because I was the most adorable filly ever!” Fizzle pulled a picture out of her mane, showing it to the group. In the picture, a brown coated scientist in a lab coat with wild grey hair and a goatee held a small, glass, maroon maned filly tightly in his hooves. Smiles of pure joy across both their faces as they embraced. “Although I was not his own by flesh and soda blood, my father raised me with more love and care then I ever deserved.” Fizzle’s head tilted down. Her clear glass ears folded back against her head. “However, as it usually is with such great things, it wasn’t meant to last. When I had just barely come of age my father died, in a tragic soda making accident...” A single tear of what Anthony could only guess was condensation dripped from her eye. “After that I had nothing, nobody to support me, or care for me. But I did know one thing, and that was that I must continue my father’s work! Bringing joy in the form of sugary drinks where they are needed most! I then traveled across Equestria, looking for the perfect place to set up shop, a place where my expertise could go their furthest. During my journey I quickly realized that I was not the only eunique being throughout the land, and that there were others in far worse situations than I was. Finally I came across Canterlot, a city so stuffy and uppity that I knew that the foals of the city needed something to smile about! My store quickly gained popularity among the young colts and fillies of the city, and it was about then when I met Sweet, and I decided that something needed to be done about all the different beings around Equestria that had been shunned simply because of what they were! So with some extra bits I had saved I bought this house and… yeah, here we are!” Fizzle finished abruptly. Anthony stared at Fizzle, a dumbstruck look on his face. “Questions, concerns, comments?” She asked sultrily, waggling her eyebrows at the man. My god, she’s worse than Nightingale… Anthony thought to himself. “...No..?” He responded cautiously. Fizzle simply shrugged her shoulders, signaling the next oddity down the line with a hoof. This one happened to be the amalgamate creature he spotted earlier. “Ooh goodie! It’s MYheee turn!” He said in a sing song voice. “G-r-r-r-reetings one and all, it is I, Discord!” Discord hopped up on top of his chair, his head almost touching the ceiling due to his impressive height, and gave a deep bow. The sound of trumpets came out of nowhere, and flower petals rained around him, there was the distant sound of a gigantic crowd cheering, then as quickly as it started, it stopped. I’ve heard that name before… “HI DISCORD!” The Oddities, and Anthony said. “Yes quite.” Discord said, sitting back down, the flower petals vanishing from the floor around him in a series of pops and sparks. “Once more, I am Discord, lord of chaos and disharmony.” He cracked a wicked looking smile, yellow eyes gleaming. “It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance Anthony.” Discord said, reaching out with his pawed hand, however instead of reaching out a normal distance it should have, the hand shot off his arm like a rocket, careening through the air towards Anthony. Just before it was about to impact him, the sound of screeching tires resounded from the paw as it abruptly stopped, open palmed, floating in the air by an unknown force. Staring at the paw for but a second longer, Anthony reached out his hand, grasping the floating appendage and giving it a firm shake. The golden fur of the paw was rather soft, and the pads of it were rough, similar to that of a dog’s. Not only did the dislodged paw feel real, but it also felt that there was real weight behind it as he shook it.  Every single thing that this creature did sent Anthony’s thought’s further and further into the “If you try to question it your head will implode” zone. As they finished shaking and Anthony let go, the paw gave a final thumbs up before exploding like a firecracker, causing the man to jump. Discord let out a hearty laugh, pulling the fur of his arm similarly to the way a man would pull up his sleeve. A brand new paw popped out right where the previous had disappeared from. “Um…” Anthony muttered catching the Draconequus’s attention. “Are you that same Discord as the one from the… history books?” He asked. Discord’s omnipresent smile broadened. “Why! You already know who I AM! It seems I must be popular these days.” With a snap of his claw a trophy oddly resembling an oscar appeared in his arms. The only difference being the little statuette was one of himself. “Never mind that.” He said to himself, poofing away the award. “I suppose you’re wondering why I, one of the few immortal beings of this world and two time conqueror of Equestria, is here today!” Anthony sat in silence keeping his lips flat. “Well it’s quite simple thank you for asking! You see, for millenia I have thrived on spreading my delicious chaos throughout many different worlds. Of course when I first stumbled across this world it was, oh how shall I say this, DESTINY that we met.” Anthony perked up at this. “You travel dimensions?” He asked, staring at the draconequus intently. Discord shook his head. “Yes, I USED to travel dimension. And before you ask, not even I cannot help you. Chaos is chaos but reality’s rules are the few that even I must abide by.” The other members around the room looked to each other, confused. Anthony let out a sigh, resting his chin on his hand. “Back to the story! It felt as though it were the hand of destiny that I happened across Equestria. A land where ponies believed that they could control the aspects of nature itself! I thought I might try to just muck it up a bit and see how they fared.” His smile faded slightly. “What I failed to anticipate was that a power nearly as great as myself resided here. And then...” Discord stood, holding one arm high in the air and placing the other against his chest. He opened his mouth wide as thought to let out a great guffaw. But then suddenly, the color seemed to drain from his skin, the flesh turning rigid until his whole body was frozen in stone. After a second, Discord’s stony eyes blinked once, then twice. He relaxed his body, his limbs making grinding noises as the stone rubbed together. “It seemed as though a being of even greater power than I had left a few trinkets on this planet, or perhaps something more...” Discord pulled out a paint bucket from behind his back, swiftly raising it above his head and dumping out the contents. A rainbow-like spash of paint covered him thoroughly, absorbing into his skin until his color was back to normal. “After that I sat as that statute for a thousand years, biding my time, came back again taking over Equestia for a second time.” He droned on nonchalantly “Then I was turned to stone a second time, released a second time, and then well, I decided to stop for a bit.” He finished, sitting down and crossing his arms. Fizzle spoke up. “You were reformed?” She asked knowingly with a smile. Discord scoffed. “I was not reformed. I decided, after careful consideration, that this was not the appropriate time in this planet’s history for actions by one such as myself. As well, I wished to attempt to rekindle some semblance of a social life.” Discord huffed. “SO, when I’d received the invitation to join such a strange and intriguing group I absolutely HAD to join.” Discord clapped his paw and claw together happily. “Now, for the sake of time I suppose that’s all you need to know about me for the moment. Any questions?” Anthony sat in silence for a few moments before lazily pointing a finger at Discord. “You, are Discord… A being who travels throughout dimensions, bringing chaos to all the places he visits. One day you happened across Equestia, didn’t like how they controlled everything and tried to fix it in your own way. Then you realized they have more power than you and decided to settle down rather that moving on as you had before. Does that about sum it up?” Anthony asked. His right eye drooping tiredly. “That sounds about right, yes.” Discord said with a smile. Makes about as much sense as everything else… Anthony thought to himself. Once more he looked to see who was next down the line. It seems that they were almost all the way back around now. In the next two chairs Anthony noticed what appeared to be a pony and a griffon sitting next to each other, however on closer examination he could see that the griffon’s back half was a pony’s rather than a lion’s. And as if by some strange twist of fate, the back half of the pony was a lion. The first had dark brown feathers that trailed down from his eagle shaped head, coating his body all the way to his midsection where it petered out in a half teardrop shape that divided his top from his bottom half. His wings rested, folded neatly on his back, the slightly lighter colored feathers accentuated with white tips. Lastly, his lower half was an almost sandy brown with a thick dark brown tail, and his cutie mark appeared to be a simple looking bow and arrow. The other, the lion-pony or lion-unicorn as it were, had an upper half the color of which almost identically matched the rear half of the eagle-pony, his mane also matched the other’s tail. On his midsection, the division between his halfs was slightly more stark with the line being straight rather than the more elegant curve of the other. His rear consisted of lion’s legs, coated in golden fur. The legs were more bulky and muscular than that of the average ponies, lending more to the fact that these two halfs didn’t belong together in the first place. The eagle-pony adjusted his posture, preparing to speak. “Hello everyone, I’m Fletch and I’m a hippogriff.” His voice was deep and he spoke slowly, the words almost lazily rolling off his tongue. The lion-pony sitting next to him raised a hoof and waved to the group happily. “Hi! I’m Nock, and I’m a hippogriff!” He sounded excited, despite the fact that he wasn’t a hippogriff, which Anthony recognised immediately. “We’re the hippogriff brothers…” Fletch said unenthusiastically. “HI FLETCH AND NOCK!” “Do I get to tell it this time?” Nock asked hopefully, looking to his brother. “No, it’s was your turn last time, for Nelson.” Fletch said. Nock stared off into space, trying to remember whether or not he had actually told it last time. Fletch stared at his brother for a few seconds before sighing quietly, shaking his head. “My brother and I are hippogriffs... Can you take a wild guess as to how that happens? That’s right! It happens when a pony and a griffon decide to ‘get it on’.” The sarcasm is strong in this one. Anthony thought to himself. “Suffice it to say this sort of thing only happens on the most raucous of nights when enough substances are consumed to erase the word regret from the dictionary.” Nock finally seemed to have finished staring off into space and was now listening to his brother speak. “This is exactly what lead to our conception. Dear old mother went out and partied a little too hard with her friends and ended up with some griffon who bailed the morning after. This wouldn’t have been a huge problem for us IF she had accepted responsibility for her actions, but dear old mother was married. And of course a pony couldn’t have a child with a griffon because dear old mother didn’t want to believe that. So, months pass and our not-so-father is lead to believe that the children are his own. Meanwhile dear old mother is so far down denial stream that she’s convinced herself that we’re our not-so-father’s foals.” “Then one day the miracle of life happens, and not-so-father has a front row seat to his not-so-children’s birth… Mother naturally freaks out, father is furious, next thing we know Nock and I have a first class ticket to orphanage central.” “Orphanage wouldn’t have been so bad if we were ponies, but my brother and I are omnivores. The lack of proper nutrition always left us as the runts of the group, constantly getting picked on and pushed around by other ponies… Finally, when Nock and I turned 13 we made a plan, we decided we were going to run away and live in the White Tail woods. We did our research, how to forage, build shelter, you know the works. And believe it or not but after we made our daring escape and left the city we ended up living what we thought were perfect lives.” “But after some time we realized there were certain necessities that we couldn’t fulfill on our own, like medicine. We came up with a plan to start making bits by selling portions of what we’d hunted to griffon ambassadors in Canterlot. As it turns out, Equestria doesn’t even import meats for them in the first place, so we ended up becoming the sole provider of meats to any griffon in Canterlot. That’s where we are today.” Anthony could feel his stomach constricting itself, his mouth salivating at the idea of fresh meat. “Y-you guys sell meat?” Anthony said, excitement causing him to stutter. Fletch sighed again. “If you’re worried about the fact that we eat mea~” “HOW MUCH DO YOU CHARGE?!” Anthony practically shouted, leaning forward to the point of almost falling out of his chair. The pair of hippogriffs sat back startled. “You’re a carnivore?” Nock asked, excitement in his own voice. Anthony gave a quick flash of his teeth, touching his tongue to a k nine. “Omnivore, actually.” Both brothers looked at each other, Fletch with an expression of surprise and Nock one of elation. They both turned back to Anthony. “Sorry about our reaction. It’s just that, omnivores like ourselves are virtually nonexistent on Equus. Besides bears and certain birds like crows there aren’t any others who hold such varied diets.” Fletch said. Even though Anthony didn’t want to want to seem rude, he couldn’t care less about what they were talking about right now. His mind solely on the idea of getting some proper nutrition into his system. “Yes, well, I’m not exactly from around here. But I can tell you that I’ve been here for a year and not gotten a single bit of meat. Do you, have, any?” Anthony was using all his willpower to hold himself back from groveling to these two hippogriffs for some meat. Fletch looked to Nock. “Nock! Do you have the emergency meat!?” Fletch said with urgency. Nock’s expression fell. “But that was supposed to be ours!” Nock said in a whiny voice. Fletch furrowed his brow. “This is the exact kind of situation that we made the emergency meat for in the first place! Now go get it.” Without a seconds hesitation Nock nodded and stood up, bounding across the room very similarly to the way a lion would. As he approached the door Nock lit his horn, throwing it open before leaping out into lands unknown. Fletch turned back to Anthony. “He’ll be back in a minute…” Anthony nodded. Turning his gaze back around the group, Anthony looked over the oddities surrounding him. None of them seemed to be the least bit put off by all the meat talk, except for maybe Nelson, who seemed to be intently focused on his hooves. Fizzle was looking at Fletch with a sour expression, whether it had to do with finding out that Anthony was omnivorous or just about all the attention the brothers were getting from the human was anyone’s guess. “So Fletch,” Anthony asked. Fletch’s gaze shifted to the man. “You’re a hippogriff…” Fletch nodded slowly, not knowing where he was going with this. “And hippogriffs are half eagle, half pony, correct?” Fletch had just started nodding again when suddenly his eyes bulged. He turned on Anthony, eyes suddenly filled with fear. “Don’t tell Nock!” Fletch said, holding his clawed arms out defensively. Anthony raised an eyebrow, prompting the hippogriff to explain. “It’s just that, Nock really likes to be identified as a hippogriff. It’s something that he’s really proud of. And it’s also the thing that really held us together throughout the years. You know? We were always ‘the hippogriff brothers!’ surviving the wilds, getting through life day by day. It’s something that I don’t want taken away from him…” Fletch turned his gaze to the ground. “I understand.” Anthony said, deciding to change subjects. “... So uh, you keep an emergency meat stash?” He asked. Fletch shifted in his seat. “Yeah, it’s really just a set of samples for if we happen across a griffon. But in total it’s a small meals worth, it’s all the dried and preserved stuff though.” Anthony laughed. “At this point, it’s been so long I’d go for something raw if it were the only option.” Out of the corner of his eye, Anthony noticed Nelson was turning a tad green. “Oh. Sorry Nelson…” He said regretfully. Nelson shook his head, keeping a brave face. “No, i-it’s *hic* fine, it’s all part of the process…” He said, more to himself than Anthony. Suddenly, the strange mix of hoof-falls and paws sounded as Nock suddenly bounded back into the room, a paper bag held in his jaws as he used his magic to slam the door shut behind him. Trotting over to Anthony, Nock presented the bag to the man who took it with a simple thank you. Glancing over at Nelson, who still seemed to be working to keep his lunch down, Anthony decided that now might not be the best time to eat and placed the bag under his chair. “Sooo… Is it my turn now?” Anthony asked. Fizzle bobbed her head up and down. “YEP! Just start with your name!” Anthony lifted his arm, scratching behind his head nervously. “Hi, I’m Anthony Nones. I’m a human.” “HI ANt!h~G@r*)Ud NONES” The groups said, nearly everyone butchering his first name. “On second thought, just call me Tony…” “HI TONY!” They all said perfectly. Anthony nodded to himself satisfied. “So yeah, I’ma human. And I come from Earth, the planet Earth, which is where all the other humans I know about are from, and uh...” You’re losing your cool Anthony, get to the point already! “I was born to a rather normal family back home. I had an older brother and a younger sister, and a mom and dad who loved us. Anyways, about a year ago I was lying in bed after a normal day of school, ready to go to sleep. Then the next thing I knew I was getting sucked into the bed, a portal had suddenly appeared under me and I was getting pulled through it. I must’ve hit my head or something after I finally got yanked through because it knocked me out.” “Next thing I knew, I woke up naked in a cold metal cage in some basement. Every now and again this purple pony in a lab coat would come down and forcibly take a sample from me, or bring some food that I usually couldn’t digest. I tried to talk to her, but the first time she thought that I was just trying to trick her in order to get out of the cage. She wouldn’t respond to me at all after that. I personally don’t think saying ‘hey, can you please let me out of this fucking cage’ is in any way trickery, but eh’ you can’t argue with people who are mental. Over the next two weeks, I was unable to freely move or do much of anything really, and for the first time in my life I knew what it felt like to be truly starving to death because the stupid pric~incess didn’t pay attention to what I did and didn’t eat, she also didn’t pay attention when I told her ‘hey I can't eat that’! Sometimes she put me under anesthesia, or whatever the magic equivalent of that is, in order to do tests on me. I have absolutely no idea what she did to me when I was unconscious and I’m not sure if I want to.” “As time went on I noticed that she was becoming increasingly nervous. One day she handed me a sheet of paper with some math problems on it and a quill. I wrote the words ‘FUCK YOU’ on the back of it and handed it back to her, which seemed to only increase her anxiety. The next day, she actually LET ME OUT of the cage! It was a miracle! It only took her two weeks to realize that I was a conscious, feeling BEING! And get this, she apologized and wanted to go on pretending like nothing had happened and that we were the best of friends! She even brought her own little gang of groupies thinking that I’d just go with it and be all buddy-buddy with them. So naturally, being the feeling, caring creature that I am, I found the biggest book I could and bashed her over the head with it.” Discord could barely contain his laughter, and a snort was heard across the room as he desperately tried to hold it in. Anthony continued unfazed. “I think it was that point she decided that she couldn’t handle me any more. But she couldn’t just throw me back in the cage because she already showed me to her friends. So next thing I knew I was on a train to Canterlot, about to meet princess Mcfloatyhair herself. I think Twilight had this whole plan of how to smooth things over with Celestia, but when we got there I just went on this huge angry rant. I insulted her, I insulted Twilight, I think I insulted all of ponykind at one point. I also told her about everything Twilight did to me. Once I finished, well, I didn’t know what was going to happen at the time, but I definitely didn’t expect to be locked up in the castle… forever. At the time she said something about my personal safety and whatnot, but it’s probably more along the lines of ‘state security’ and ‘global political backlash’, whatever those things mean. But it’s not like ponies don’t know I exist or anything, they throw rocks at me sometimes! That only started after I insulted their species and their god princess though, I know correlation doesn’t equal causation but there might be something to this.” Anthony tapped his chin. “What else, what else. Oh yeah! I think Celestia just completely let Twilight off the hook. Because even during my first night in the castle, only hours after we’d had that confrontation, the lights in the crystal castle down in ponyville were on. I know I can’t be certain just based on that but… I’m pretty sure.” Anthony took a deep breath, letting it out in an exaggerated sigh. “I think that’s about it.” He finished. Looking to the oddities Anthony was met with a series of astonished expressions. “Princess Twilight locked you in a cage?” Fizzle asked in utter disbelief. “You had rocks thrown at you?” Nelson asked quietly. “YOU’RE AN ALIEN?!” Nock shouted excitedly. Fletch leaned over and spoke to his brother. “You know, Discord’s technically an alien to.” Nock rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but that’s old news.” He said dismissively. “Yes, yes, technically yes.” Anthony answered the questions. “Ponies don’t really throw rocks at me anymore. They stopped after they realized that I throw them back harder.”