Chapter one: Introductions
Anon's pov:
Hi, my name is Anon. Im a human here in equestria and i have no clue how i got here or how long ive been here.
All i know is that there is a crazy chick named Twilight Sparcake or something along those lines that simply wont leave me alone!
To be honest it really is annoying when you have a crazy purple pony that keeps on asking you questions and hooking you up to machines and shit.
Lucky for me, i just bolt out the door once she asks me that one question. You want to know what that is? well fuck you, wait and see you dirty old bastard.
Anyways, lets move onto the main event that i know you all are waiting so deperately for. Now this may come as a shock to you all but i really like it here in equestria. Its really nice when theres not an crazy purple unicorn wanting something from me with whatever it may be.
Dont get me wrong, i miss it on earth in a few ways because theres only three things that i love.
1. My girlfriend
2. Video Games
and 3. Repeat of number one
In fact on the day that i came to this new world, i was prepared to propose to her. I still have her ring in my pocket just incase we cross paths again someday by some miracle.
But anyways back to the top at hand. Twilight, what can I say? Princess, annoying as hell when she wants to be, once asked me about the human MALE anatomy. Yeah you get the picture... who can really blame her though right? She's just curious is all. Well fuck you for saying that! You have no idea's of the extent she will go just to know about it! She once drugged me on purpose just to get me alone so she can strip me down and see what my dick is like! Thank Celestia that the cutie-whatcha-fuckin-callit made the star on Twilight's ass sparkle (you see what I did there heh) and off she was while I was recovering from the drug high that I didn't give consent for.
After that I just kept my distance from her. Before she did that she was constantly bugging me for information about it and yeah it was uncomfortable but it certainly wasn't as bad as getting drugged and almost getting my white cobra seen by her.
But yeah anyways here I am in my bed just chilling and reading? Who the fuck reads books. I throw my copy 'how to get it up after not using it for 10 years' it's a book about tents you dirty bastard. Anyways I throw the book aside onto the floor and get up to do my normal routine. You already know what it is. I get dressed and as I do I hear a knocking on my door.
Oh crap, I also forgot to mention that little purple missle visits sometimes? Probably should have mentioned that.... oh well, this day can't get any worse. I take my coffee and walk over to the door, rolled up newspaper at the ready for any gay shit she asks me.
I undo all the locks on my door and open it only to be met by a shocking sight.
I stand still in place trying to contemplate what the hell I'm seeing.
"Hi Anon! Can I come in?" Twilight asks in a chipper tone.
I can only stand there and stare blankly.
"Anon? Is something wrong?"
"What the fuck are you wearing?" I ask while tightening my grip on the newspaper, ready to whack her with it.
She tilts her head slightly and stares at me in a confused manner.
"What, this?" She looks down at herself then back at me like nothings wrong.
"Yes that! What the fuck is that!" Covering her fur is a mass of green spines with freaking balloons all over them, not only that but she has a hotdog hat on her head. Yes you heard that right, a HOTDOG hat!
"Oh! Well Anon um.... I just wanted to dress similar to how you do then maybe you can let me see your stallionhood!"
Silence, pure silence, so silent that you can hear a needle drop onto the grass, yes, the GRASS.
My face, from what I can tell, my face is a mix of surprise, WTF, and I really need the shitter.
I immediately smack her across the face with the newspaper and shut the door in her face.
"That's not even near how I dress you bitch! Leave me alone!" As soon as I say that I hear clopping off of the porch and fade away.
I breathe a big breath of fresh air
"Glad that's over"
Time skip a few hours:
Here I am sitting down on my worn out couch watching... you guessed it... soap oprahs. Who the fuck even watches these anyway? It's always about unreal situations with weirdos that tend to overreact to things.... okay maybe it's not that bad... It does sound kind of like me anyways but that's besides the point!
Here I am sitting on my couch watching these 'soap oprahs' as everyone back on earth used to call them. Sitting here bored out of my mind until I hear the sound of broken glass come from upstairs. "What the hell?" I turn the T.V. volume down, who would have guessed that equestria even had television? And I slowly get up from the couch in just my muscle shirt, boxers and socks, then head on upstairs just to hear more crashing.
I slowly peek around the corner into my bathroom to see Twilight, mane disheaved and messy holding up a pair of my dirty boxers and t-shirts in her lavender aura magic. Broken glass all over the floor, the source? Of course it's the mirror... that's the third one this passed week that i've had to replace....
I walk into the bathroom to see Twilight in deep thought as she holds my dirty clothes. As I walk in she doesn't even notice me, so I cross my arms and give her a good hard long stare and clear my throat loud enough so that she can hear me.
As soon as she does she drops the clothes straight onto the floor and turns her gaze towards me with fear, she gulps audibly as I stand there waiting for her to talk. She suddenly gains a nervous smile and starts fake laughing.
"Ha ha, nice to see you there Anonomous, I was just um.... Cleaning your clothes! Yeah." She laughs again and I just frown at her slowly reaching for the newspaper that's conveniently on the magazine rack next to the door and folds it up once I grab one at random.
She starts getting even more nervous and starts backing herself up into a corner.
"Now now Anon, lets not get ahead of ourselves here" I narrow my eyes at her and slowly makes my way towards her.
She gulps again and starts visibly sweating underneath my gaze.
"Anon please do-" I interrupt her by whacking her muzzle with the newspaper and promptly picks her up, runs down the stairs.
"Listen Twilight! I have told you time and time again!" I open the door and proceed to punt her all the way back to where her library is at.
"I TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCKING GO NEAR MY BANANA SUIT!!!!!!!" I shout out at her over her as she screams all the way back to her library.
I go back inside to the bathroom and get said suit. I will wash it myself.
Nobody goes near my banana suit.