//------------------------------//
// To Congress for War! 
// Story: The Son of War 
// by Dr Banana Hat 
//------------------------------//

O.K. so I have to say some thing,  I was running to the throne room with David right. And I heard some moaning and some kissing in some door right. So, I tell David to go on without me because moaning and kissing can maybe mean SEX. So, David goes on without me and I'm alone with the noises. I grab my phone and put it on record. I slowly approached the door, I reached my hand out to open the door knob with magic. I unlock the door knob and opened the door super fast. I saw Rainbow Dash and some other guy making out. Oh shit, Rainbow Dash's face was priceless. She had here eyes open by surprise and embarrassment when she saw me. The other guy just stood there like, "Fuck Me. That is probably Rainbow Dash's brother or family member." Rainbow Dash came flying at me with a broom stick.

"ARES!" 

I ran towards the throne room as fast as I can. I heard a whistling noise behind me. I turned around and saw Rainbow dash going like Mach 2 or 3. She eventually tackled me sending both of us in the throne room. I bounced of the floor and landed on Celestia's lap like a baby while, Rainbow Dash landed in a unpleasant place. Rarity's boobs. Bro, Rarity was blushing so hard. She pushed Rainbow off of herself.

"Rainbow Dash! I know that you just got a boyfriend but that doesn't mean you can go around doing inappropriate acts like these!" Rarity said hitting Rainbow Dash on the top of her head.

They all had their attention on me.

"That was awesome! I wanna do that again!" I said. I got off Celestia’s lap.

“So, about the Griffon shit.” I said.

“O.K., so, the Griffon kingdom wants two Certain people along with some other ponies.” Celestia said.

“What! she said people and ponies!” I said with my hands on my cheek like if it was those cheesy drama movies.

“They want the mane six, David, and Ares.” Celetia said.

“Oh, then lets fuck ‘em up.” I said.

“It’s not that simple Ares.” Lun said.

“You see, Congress doesn’t want a battle.” Captain Rusty said.

“Is congress stupid. Everywhere I go there is a stupid congress and the only smart congress is America’s. Do they not see
five...maybe strong ponies and two war machines. I said five cause Applejack is strong as fuck.” I said.

“Congress doesn’t want a battle. They said it would cost to many lives.” Celestia said.

“Well  there stupid. War comes with a cost and it’s not just one. And if we don’t fight were done for.” I said.

“How many ponies live here?” David said.

“About 9-16 million.” Celestia said.

“And how many Griffons live in the griffon land?” David said.

“About the same amount here.” Celestai said.

“Well, Ulysseus S. Grant’s plan of attrition is out.” David said.

“Sorry buddy, attrition is a big no-no. That is for emergencies. We don’t want 600,000 ponies dying.” I said.

I had a idea spark into my mind.

“I need a chalk and a board!” I said. Almost immediately two people came in with a cardboard box and chalk.

“NOTT THAT FUCKING BOARD YOU IDIOTS!” I screamed. They left the chalk at the table and ran to get a board for chalk. They came back with the board and hung it on the wall.

“Thank you!” I screamed.

“Welcome!” They screamed back.

“Now in my land. Congress was different. Congress had three houses. I drew the white house on the right side of the board and three small houses on top. Now war hawks, in the political term, are people in congress who want to fight and battle. So, when they want war they debate and vote. Now, each house has the same amount of people. Twilight you taking notes?” I said turning around to see Twilight writing on her notepad.

“I was writing since the very beginning.” She said with a smile.

“Good, cause this is some important shit. Now each house has the same amount of people which will be described as X and the houses as H.” I wrote on top of the houses. H = houses, X = people / 3

“Now when they vote, if two houses agree on the same thing then the other house gets override and the two other houses get what they want. Now, Twilight did you right this down?” 

“Yes.”

“Good, so if the princesses ( I drew the princesses as the crown on left of the white house) persuade at least 2/3 of the members in congress to be War Hawks, then war will come. And since you have the son of War and you have the all mighty Trickster, I think you’ll win.” I said

They all stood there impressed that a immature thirteen year old just did something they never though of.

“So, are we heading to congress now or tomorrow?” I said.

“No, were going now that you said that.” Captain Rusty said.

“Wait, I haven’t told them that Ares is the Son of War nor David is the Trickster.” Celestia said.

“God dammit Celestia! This is why they don’t want war and would prefer to give David and I up, CAUSE THEY DON’T KNOW US AT ALL!” I screamed.

“I-I will I-inform then immediately.” Celestia said working really fast. I guess that Celestia got a scared when I screamed at her.

Celestia’s P.O.V.

God,, I got so scared when he screamed at me!

Ares P.O.V

But whatever. So, we headed over to the train but I heard a lot of whispering the moment I got out of the castle. And believe it or not this was my first time out of the castle were everyone actually noticed me. THE PARTY DOES NOT COUNT! Anyways, many ponies whispered about me saying “What is that?” “It looks like a fox.” “But aren’t Foxes supposed to be extinct.” “Why is that creature near the Princesses! That is so unfair!” Some little bitch said. But what really bothered me was this stallion. He was this white and black pony and was standing outside of this Café. The moment we made eye contact he made this drama on how I am a monster and shit.

“There is a monster near the princesses! He might’ve mind controlled the princesses to control all of equestria!” He said.

Since I am a naturally upset person (I think), I didn’t take it easily.

“WHY THE FUCK WOULD I MIND CONTROL MY BOSS!” I said.

“We are not your boss.” Celestia and Luna said.

“WELL, NOW YOU ARE!” Celestia and Luna shrugged.

“AND TWILIGHT IS THERANDOM PERSON IN THE BACK WHO CRAPS A TON OF PAPERS ON WHAT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT!” I said.

“What?” Twilight said looking up from her notes.

“Never mind and continue crapping notes.” I said sticking my hand out.

“YOU SEE WHY-”

“Ares, the train.” Steel River said.

“Oh yeah. Right, any ways, I AM GOING TO GET YOUR ASS LATER!”

So, I caught up with everybody. Now what concerned me was why there was so many females and little males.

“Uh, I  have a question.” I  said.

“Yes, Ares?” Twilight said.

“Why is there so many females and little males. Does the sperm here generate more on girls and less on boys?” I asked.

“Uh, you see. Men are out numbered by 1/10. But, most men go to the army.” Twilight said.

“Really, have you guys looked at the genetic material of sperm.” I said.

“Why, that's super gross.” Twilight said.

“Well, incase you haven't noticed sperm basically makes the baby. The sperm combines with the female eggs and babies happen.” I said.

There was this sudden quietness.

“What? You guys don’t know this? This Is sixth grade stuff.” 

Twilight was taking notes on this.

“Twilight when we get back do you want to know more about this?” I said.

She looked up and had some blush on her face.

“Well...”

“I take it as a yes because I am also curious of why the sperm generates more men.” I said.

2 minutes later.

“We are here.” Celestia said.

“So do we just wait?” David said.

“Yep.” Captain Rusty said.

“I forgot you were here.” I said.

“All aboard for the train to Maidel.” The train conducter said.

“That's our train.” Captain Rusty said.

So Celestia got on first then Luna, Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie, Captain Rusty, David then Me.

Inside the train it was colorful. I think we got V.I.P. since Celestia and Luna were here. The roof was White, the right chairs were yellow and white while the left were blue and dark purple. The floor was made of wool and had decorations of the moon and sun. 

“It’s so coolerful! (I meant to wright it like that)” I said. I sat down and steel river sat across me.

“So. Are we going to do anything while the train heads to Miadel?” I said.

“We can play Truth.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Not when I am around, because I’ll make everybody embarrassed.” I said.

“Oh, really?” Rainbow Dash said getting closer to me.

“Yes really. Especially you Rainbow Dash.” I said getting closer to Rainbow Dash.

“O.K., were playing truth.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Twilight!” I said pointing a finger at her.

She startled a little when I screamed her name.

“Now, I heard some rumors about you.  But here is the catch, you can’t lie.” I said.

“Now if I remember from phycology, If I do this. You’ll say the truth. So your first boyfriends name started with an a, no how about, b, c, d, e.” Twilight flinched a little when I said E.

“So, it is with an e. Electric, energy.” She flinched a little.

“Energy was Twilights first boy friend, now am I correct?” I said.

Twilight was blushing a lot, like a lot. “ No, it wasn’t!” She said. Now this is common sense, sometimes if you seduce someone you can get what you want. So, I wrapped my arms around Twilight’s neck and sat and her thighs.

“Are you sure?” I said as I got closer.

“Ok, you won it was Energy Flash!” She screamed.

I got of here and said. “I knew it! Now Pinkie Pie! This is the worst question ever for Pinkie Pie. “If sweets never existed what will you do?”

“Easy make sweets.” Pinkie Pie said.

“Um, your Pinkie Pie, you can literally make sweets out of your hair. O.K., Apple jack! If your strong, I dear you to a 600 pull up challenge.” I said.

“Only if you do it.” Apple jack said crossing her arms.

“Sure! I have done it before.” I said. There was these bars on the top of the train so we used those as the pull up bar. I jumped up and grabbed on to it. Apple jack also had to jump to grab on to it. 

“O.K. Twilight count how many we did.” I said.

“O.K. 3...2...1...go.” Twilight said.

I started of nice and easy 1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10. While Applejack wanted to sow of and went super fast, 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10.11.12.13.14.15.16. Applejack was ahead of me by about 200. And I was at 127, She was sweating while I didn’t drop a sweat. When she was a 400 she was super tired. I was at 347. When I reached 400 I speed my way through, Apple Jack tried to get the lead but failed. I was a 508 and she was a 484. I did my pull ups a lot faster. By the time I finished, Apple Jack was at 576. I dropped down from the bar and taunted Applejack.

“Oh what happened? Apple jack sad that a thirteen year old beat her at a pull up match?” Apple jack dropped down sweating like a dog. She fell on her sweating panting like she just a marathon. I mentally casted a spell that gave me control of liquids around me. I took all the sweat away from Apple jack and threw it outside the window.

“O.K., since I am done with Apple jack now with some one else. Rarity! Actually, no. I have nothing against you even though there is many jokes I can do about you, none won’t be affective. But, I know who, Captain Rusty! So you have a child right?”

“Yes, I do.” Captain Rusty said.

“Flurry Heart, correct?” I said.

“Yes.” 

“Now, this isn’t verbal torture for you but this is something I made for her.” I checked my back pocket and it wasn’t there.

“Aw shit.” I said.

I left it in my room. “Uh, it’s in my room I’ll go get it.” I teleported to my room. The last thing I heard was Celestia say “No don’t tele-” Yeah that's about it. So any ways the present was next to my bottle of wine. The present was a was this teddy bear. It was this beautiful teddy bear which was brown and was extremely soft. I teleported to  the train and the moment I came back there was these group of guards who were all around me.

“You know that you have to pay the fee.” The conducter said. 

One of the guards realized who I was.

“Don’t arrest him he’s with the princesses.” The guard said.

“Really?” The conducter said.

“Yes really. Look, Celestia!” I shouted.

I few seconds later Celestia opened the door.

“Ares. You should wait and listen to me when I give you advice. He’s with me.” Celestia said.

“O.K., Kid you can go.” The conducter said.

As Celestia and I walked out of the room I said.

“I got Flurry Heart her present.” I said.

I handed her the present.

“It’s so soft and beautiful!” Celestia said as she stroked her hand across the bear.

“Uh, yeah.” I said.

“Who made this? They must be really good at making teddy bears.” Celestia said.

“Oh, your looking at him.” I said.

“You made this?” She said.

“Yeah.”

“Who taught you?”

“My church. Any ways I want to show Captain Rusty the Bear.” I said. Celestia gave the bear. I opened the door for Celestia. 

“Captain Rusty, I got your daughter the present.’’ I said handing Captain rusty the present. He smiled at the bear then looked at me.

“Bring it in.” He said getting up from the seat. He gave me a bear hug which destroyed my intestines.

“C-Captain. I’m Cluster Phobic.” I said as I tried to give him a hug.

Then I heard the conducter say.

“We are here!’ The train stopped and I saw a businesses, and the buildings were huge.

“Oh my god, this is Donald Trumps dream.” 

The door opened and we got off. Celestia teleported us to Congress without warning. I fell face first on the floor.

“What the hell Celestia.” I said getting up.

“I want to finish this as soon as possible.” Celestia said. We walked to the front doors and the doors magically opened up. We walked through and when I and David walked through, the alarm started ringing. I was even surprised they had an alarm. A whole bunch of guards ran to me and pointed their spear at me.

“Freeze.” The guards said. These two guards had hand cuffs and were coming at David and I.

“’You have the right to remain silence and save it for the judge.”

He attempted to put the handcuffs on me until

“Get those dirty ass hands off me! I am Celestia body guard as well as this young sir. And if you want proof ask Celestia hereself!” I said.

“Princess Celestia, is this true?” The guard said.

“N-Yes, they are my body guards and they are fit for the job.” Celestia said.

“Yeah fight me.” I said trying to stand taller than the guard.

“I’m sorry youngsters.” He said as he bowed down.

“I’M ONLY THIRTEEN DAMMIT!” I said.

“O.K.” The guard said and walked away along with the other guards.

“Thank you for backing me up Celestia. I could’ve lost Dan and ger.” I said pointing to my daggers.

“You owe me and that is what you named them?” Celestia said.

“Yeah, because together they make Danger.” I said.

“O.K., lets go to the congress room.” Luna said.

We walked through the guards, up the stairs, through the people who check your bags, we took a right,

2 hours later.

We took the elevator which once again, I am surprised they have one, walked through the big double door, and there it was congress.

We walked in and I saw a lot of people to the right and a lot of people to the left. There was six people in the middle and I guess they made the decisions.

“Excuse me Prime Minister can we discus the War threat with the griffons?” Celestia said.

“Princess Celesta, don’t talk about the War threat in front of strangers!” The prime minister said.

“With all due respect. They are not strangers. They are what the griffons want.” Celestia said.

“Sup.” I said waving my hand.

“Hi, I’m David and that's Ares. I’m the Trickster and that is the Son of War.” David said pointing at me.

“O.K.,O.K., now many of you think really a kid like this is the son war, here is the truth I am the Son of War. Now I’m here to talk about the threat problem.” I said walking in the middle of the room.

“The main problem is not the threat. It’s how fucking stupid you are. David, who is eight is smarter than you. You guys don’t see you have two fucking war machines here. The griffons are scary, they have an insane amount of numbers, But we have two things they don’t, Magic and two war machines. We may have a out numbered army, or bad fucking leaders. But, it doesn't mean you have the worst strategist. When we win this war, that's going to change. I look different, Cause I am different. I am not from this world. In my world, I came from the greatest country in the world, America. In the beginning, America came from the strongest country in te world at the time, Great Britian. America wanted to become a free country. Keep in mind America was like, the weakest country in the world. And guess what. They both fought and America won and became an independent country. All I am trying to say here is start acting like America.” I said.

Then all of a sudden a lot of the people here started talking agreeing to what I said. The six ponies who were upfront were discussing about what I said.

“May I ask what is you first and last name?” The old pony said.

“Ares, Ares Guerra.” I said.

“We have decided, that we will FIGHT.”

“Fucking finally man. I was wondering when war will come in my new life.” I said as I smiled.

“Wait we need something intimidating that will make them scared.” I said.

“What about Walruses?” Some pony said.

“How the fuck is that intimidating?” I said.

“Ares, how about you chose.” Luna said.

“Uh, What about Mad Dogs or the Mongols.”

“I personally like the Mongols because they were the greatest Vikings in the world.” I said.

“O.K. then, Mongols it is.”

“MONGOLS!”