Ralph entered the lobby of Canterlot high school and looked around. “Crimeny, where is that girl?” he said. “I mean jeez, she was willin to get in a barney with me about getting here early yesterday, and yet now she isn’t here when I am? I swear, if she wasn't so hot i'd be about to get very hot under the collar at her right now.”
Just then, Applejack ran inside the building and started skidding to a halt upon noticing Ralph, She quickly slowd and came to a stop right next to him. “Heh, well look who's actually here. Ah'm surprised ya actually are on time fer once. ” Applejack said.
“Oh really, and why are you so surprised by that lass?” Ralph said. “I mean after all, when you’re around, I find it almost impossible not to come early.”
Applejack, her eyes quickly narrowing at that remark, said "Ralph, ah swear if ya make ONE more remark like that..."
"What?" Ralph said taken aback at her anger, , "It's the honest truth aout what I think. And after all, I would think you of all people would know the importance of honesty, Applejack."
"Oh, y'all want honesty do ya?" Applejack said annoyed, "Well my HONEST opinion is that this aint no time to be making classless jokes about me bein hot. Need ah remind you of the gravity of the situation at hand?”
"Oh I’m sure Pocket Pair will be fine, he’s a smart lad after all“ Ralph said annoyed , "Honestly, I still don't get why you feel so compelled to help him out like this. He's such an asshole all the time and I think it's high time he learned that there are consequences for acting like that."
Applejack, groaning, said "Ok, yes.. ah will admit, sometimes P Pair can be a bit of an asshole. But he also does a lot of good things too… just take what he did for Derpy yesterday. And besides, eve if he didn’t do those that still don’t mean he deserves to be humiliated in front of the entire school. Plus this whole thing is just as much your fault as his! You were the one who started that stupid bet in the first place! He'd have never even so much as talked to Sunset if ya didn't feel the need to get in a dick swingin' contest with him yesterday"
"Maybe so," Ralph said, "But if I recall Applejack, the bet never said anything about insulting Sunset. All he had to do was ask her out and leave, but yet again, your precious ‘P Pair’ decided no, he was going to get in a fight with her and call her out. This is entirely his fault and you know it."
"Alright, fine. If it’ll shut you up ah’ll say it. Iit is his fault." , Applejack said, "But he's our friend Ralph, and friends don't abandon each other in times of need, even if they have made a huge mistake like pissin’ off that bitch Sunset Shimmer.”
“Pff, whatever,” Ralph muttered under his breath before Applejack continued talking.
“So, like a good friend,” Applejack said sternly, “Y’all are gonna go to Principal Tirek and Vice Principal Celestia and tell them what’s goin on while ah find Miss Cheerilee. GOT IT!?"
"Ugh fine,“ Ralph said while beginning to walk away. As he did, he muttered under his breath "Wish
she'd fucking stop kissing his ass, maybe then I could actually make some real progress on both of them for once..."
Applejack, rolling her eyes and squeezing her fists tight said " UGh, ah swear. That boy really gets on mah nerves sometimes. Yes, ah know P Pair has an attitude problem sometimes, but ah don’t think he’s doin it to site us like Ralph claims. And even if he did sometimes that aint no reason to go and throw him under the bus. If Ralph would stop thinkin with his dick for two seconds maybe he would realize that." As she said that last remark, she suddenly noticed Cheerilee walk into the school and head her way. "Oh well, enough stinkin' thinkin', ah got more important things to worry about right now," she said, before she whistled and said "Excuse me, Miss Cheerilee! Can ah talk to ya for a minute?"
Miss Cheerilee, upon hearing her, stiffened up, stopped walking, turned towards her with a forced smile. “Sure, it’s not like I have places to be right now…” she said snarkily.
"Umm..." Applejack said, trying to think of how to word what she wanted to say.
"If it's alright with you, I would like to know sooner rather than later." Cheerilee said irritated, "I do have a class I need to get set up for soon..."
"Well," Applejack said, finally speaking "That's actually what ah want to talk to you about. Sunset Shimmer is in your first class of the day, correct?"
“Yes, that’s right” Miss Cheerilee said rolling her eyes.
“Well,” applejak said ignoring her eye roll, “could ya maybe keep on eye on her for awhile. She got into a huge altercation with one of mah friends yesterday after school and said she was gonna get him back for the troube. And since he's in your first class too ah figure that if she’s gnna strike that might be a likely time for it."
"Wait, really?” Cheerilee said, suddenly more concerned, “Are you sure Sunset would do something like that?”
Applejack, irritated, said “She picked on Derpy yesterday over a misplaced muffing didn’t she?”,
“Fair point,” Cheerilee said, “And it would make sense for her to do something in my class considering how he’s in it as well. Ok, I’ll keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn’t step out of line. Now tell me, what does your friend look like. I need to know who to keep an eye out for."
“Well, his name is Pocket Pair, and he has blonde hair, wears glasses, and .... oh my gosh, what the HAY is he wearing?" Applejack said pointing down the hallway past Cheerilee.
Cheerilee, surprised at her remark, turned towards where she was pointing in response, and her eyes widened as she noticed Pocket Pair wearing an overcoat and looking around suspiciously near the entrance of the school. After doing so a couple times, and seeming content with his surroundings, he turned and began walking away from them towards the far corner of their hall.
"Well... at least I know what he looks like now." Cheerilee said still looking on confused as he rounded a corner and disappeared from sight. "So with that knowledge, I'll make sure to note if Sunset does anything to give him a hard time.”
"Thanks a bundle Miss Cheerilee." Applejack said. "Ya'll have no idea how relieved ah am to hear that."
"You're welcome," Miss Cheerilee replied, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get to class to set up today's lesson plan. Knowledge wait for now one. Have a good morning Applejack" She then turned away from Applejack and began walking the opposite way of where Pocket Pair had just gone.
"Alright, thanks again" Applejack said after her, before turning towards where Pocket Pair had gone and saying to herself "And meanwhile, ah have to find out what the jumpin' june bugs that guy is up to," before she began briskly walking down the hallway after him.
…………………..
Pocket Pair was walking down a hallway near the back of the school, and a he turned a corner he saw the dimly lit dead end hallway he was seeking come into view in front of him. "Alright, here it is,"He said to himself, "The poorly lit dead end hallway which Discord intentionally dims the lights on to scare the unaware. Let's just hope Pinkie Pie keeps her end of the bargain...," before he then took a deep breath, and walked towards the dimly lit hallway ahead of him. Upon reaching it, he walked into it and began looking around to see if Pinkie Pie was anywhere. “Now where is that girl at. She better show soon because the longer she takes the more likely it is Sunset will see me before I can get my disguise setup and everything will go to piss.” He then noticed a dark figure standing towards the end of the hall, and said. “Pinkie, is that you? Do you have the box?” The figure did not respond, but instead turned towards Pocket Pair and began menacingly walking towards him, showing him clearly it was wearing a hockey mask like Jason Vorhees'."Pinkie Pie? If this is a prank it's not funny" he said nervously beginning to step back. The figure again said nothing, but instead cackled, and pulled out something which in the dim light Pocket Pair thought was some kind of blade. "oh my GOD. IT’S JASON!!! AAAAHHHHH! ” Pocket Pair shouted and turned to run away as fast as he could. However, before he got very far, a familiar laughter behind him stopped him in his tracks.
“AH HA HA HA HA, oh you should have seen the look on your face. PRICELESS!!!" The person in the mask said laughing as they took it off.
Pocket Pair, turning around to face the figure with rage in his eyes, replied "DISCORD, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! That was YOU?!?!?!"
“Oh ho ho, it was indeed” Discord said, while thrusting the supposed blade forward so it caught the light and clearly showed it was just a ruler. “Tell me poker boy, did my prank get all-in your head?" Discord taunted gleefully.
"What the heck is that supposed to mean?!" Pocket Pair said, confused and angry.
"Oh you know, all-in. As in a poker all-in.." Discord said smugly. "I figured what with your interest in poker you would have gotten my little joke. Aren't I such a ‘card’?' " Discord continued before laughing at his own joke again.
"UGH..." Pocket Pair said angrily, before he replied, "yes, yes you are a card. In fact, if asses were the fifth suit in the deck i'd say you look just like the jack of asses."
“Hmm, I honestly expected a better comeback from you…” discord said scratching his chin. “Did that overcoat cause you to sweat out too much water and get dehydrated so your think more fuzzy?." Discord said. “And on that note, why are you wearing an overcoat in August anyways? It's over 75 outside now!"
"No it didn't" Pocket Pair replied defiantly, "And why do you care what i'm wearing? Surely with your love for chaos you have worn clothing that doesn’t fit the weather before?"
" Yes, I have," Discord replied flatly, "But right now we're not talking about me, we're talking about YOU, and I'm asking YOU why you're wearing that on such a hot day!"
“Well,” Pocket Pair said, “If you must know, I'm wearing this because I'm meeting a girl in secret and don't want everyone to know who I am. So if you don’t mind..." he said, but was quickly cut off by Discord
“Oh, really?” Discord said shocked, “I didn't know you had a girlfriend! Do tell..."
"I... don't" Pocket Pair sadly, "Well at least not yet anyways..."
"Oh hoh ho, so you have a crush then?," Discord said pulling a small box of popcorn out of a nearby locker, reaching in, and taking a bite from it.
"... If I tell you will you stop bothering me?" Pocket Pair said.
"I promise," Discord said holding one hand behind his back and crossing his fingers.
“Without hiding a hand behind your back…” Pocket Pir said sternly.
“Oh alright,” Discord said putting the popcorn down and holding both hands out in front of him to show his uncrossed fingers.
Pocket Pair, after sighing, then said, "Ok. The girl 'm interested in is pretty, very pretty actually. She always dresses in the latest fashion and I love the way her dresses hug her body in all the right ways. Her hair is curly, and it has the most amazing color of purple. Her eyes are as blue as sapphires. The perfume she wears smells so sweet, and sometimes when I have extra time I walk the long way so I know we'll cross paths and I can catch just one whiff." He then sighed and said "All in all, you could say she's a true Rarity, and she's the ONLY one I want to have by my side..." he said dreamily, before snapping back to reality and saying " And that’s why I have to meet this person here now. BEcause if I don't, I won't have a chance with her and my dreams will be ruined for good. So if you don't mind..." He said turning away from Discord hoping he'd get the hint to leave.
Again however, Discord stayed put, and replied "Uh.. gag, I think i'm going to be sick after hearing all that cheesy lovey dovey rubbish"
Pocket Pair, offended at his comment, said "It is NOT rubbish. It’s how I really feel. Haven’t you ever felt that way about someone?"
"No, I have not," Discord said, just the slightest tinge of red showing from his cheeks as he said this.
"Oh REALLY?" Pocket Pair said suspiciously, "Because the way you said that just now makes me think that you aren’t telling the truth right now."
"Well, I’m not," Discord said briefly irritated, before looking at his watch and quickly saying"oh ho ho, I would love to stay and continue discussing this love nonsense but it's half past chaos o' clock so I must be on my way. Ta ta friend" he concluded as he began walking out of the dim hallway faster than usual.
Pocket Pair looked after him suspiciously as he left, before suddenly getting agitated and shouting after him. “HEe we're not friends, we're just ACQUAINTANCES.!" before he turned away and resumed looking for Pinkie Pie.
Meanwhile, DIscord was still walking briskly away, and rounded a nearby corner. Upon doing so, he say Applejack approaching from ahead of him, and responded by slowing his pace and getting a malicious smile on his face. HE then walked closed to her and, upon passing her, brushed her Stetson with his hand and 'accidentally' knocked it off her hear. "Oopsie Doopsie," he said obnoxiously as he reached down to get it, "How careless of me.”
"Ugh, Discord," She said angrily grabbing it from his hand and putting it on her head, "That wasn't carelessness a'tall. Ah know ya meant to do that."
"Maybe I did, and maybe I didn't. That's for my chaotic mind to know and yours to not." he said smugly, before saying "But enough about that, what are you doing here to early?"
"Ugh, if ya must know, ah'm followin' one of mah friends to see what they're up to." Applejack said, hoping to get him out of her hair.
"Oh ho ho, what a coinkeydink," Discord said, "I just ran into that guy you hang out with all the time. Pocket Spare I think he said his name was."
"That's Pocket Pair to you," Applejack said, before her eyes widened in shock and she said “Wait, where did ya see him, ah need to find him ASAP."
"Oh, and why is that I might ask?" Discord said teasingly, "You finally about to confess your undying love to him."
Applejack, shocked at his statement, hesitated and said "Ah have no idea what ya'll are talkin' about."
"Is that so?" Discord said while using his right index and middle finger to walk his hand along the brim of her hat , "Well, you're always with that Pocket Pair kid so I just assumed..."
"... it aint like that." Applejack said loudly, "HE's just mah good friend, and ah need to find him NOW. Where did ya’ll see him?"
"hahaha, sure it isn't. I believe you. REALLY I do," Discord said with a level of sarcasm few could hope to match as he poked her nose with one of his fingers.
"DISCORD!" Applejack snapped at him while swatting his hand away with one of hers and balling the other one into a fist . "Ah aint fuckin' around here ya consarned faggit. So just tell me where he is already or ah swear ah'll...!
"Woah woah woah, Discord said, suddenly slightly afraid, "Chill out will you? It’s just a bit of teasing, same as I do to everyone
"Well ah AINT in the mood!" Applejack growled at him. “So tell me where he is NOW!!!”
Ugh... ok, fine, if you must know, he's just around the corner in that dimly lit hallway stub I scare people in." Discord said, before walking away and saying, "Honestly Applejack, you need to watch out
for that temper of yours. I HIGHLY doubt he'll feel the same way about you if you lose your temper this often and easily." a remark that earned him a death glare from Applejack, which he promptly ignored. "Well in any case, I must be on my way, toodloo.. Applejack... " He said waving behind him before he turned away and left her behind.
Applejack rolled her eyes at him as he left and said, "Ugh, sometimes ah just wanna smack that joker, " before she shook her head and then walked toward the corner Discord came from. Upon reaching it, she peeked her head around it to see Pocket Pair nervously looking around in the dead end. “Heh, well at least he was tellin' the truth about P Pair bein’ there… but what in the hay is he doin’ in that hallway anyways?” Applejack said, before she noticed a very familiar pink haired student carrying a box round a corner nearer to the dead end before walking into it. "Wait, Pinkie PIE!!? What in hay is she doing here?" she said looking on in shock as Pinkie walked up to Pocket Pair.
Meanwhile, Pocket Pair, noticing Pinkie Pie, turned towards Pinkie and said “Well it's about time. Are you Pinkie Pie?”
“Yep, that's me,” Pinkie said. “are you that guy who has that weird name based off of a type of hand in poker I was supposed to meet in this spoooky hallway?”
“Yes, that would be me.... hey, wait a minute, my name is NOT weird!!!! It's awesome" Pocket Pair said angrily.
“Uh, it kind of is weird no offense,” Pinkie said matter of fact, “I mean come on, hello! Who names their kid Pocket Pair? YOu don’t look like a Pocket Pair at all, if anything I think your name should be Victor."
Pocket Pair, shocked at her mentioning that name, shook his head and said "Oh yeah, and your name isn’t weird?" Pocket Pair said snarkily. “I mean Pocket Pair at least describes something real, Pinkie Pie is just… nonsense.”
"Touche... touche," Pinkie said tapping her chin," But that still doesn't change the fact that Pocket Pair is an unusual name. I mean come on, it's almost as unusual as finding out that someone made a smoke weed everyday remix to the vampire maze from that educational game jumpstart 4th grade.”
“Um, actually,” Pocket Pair said, thinking of a video he had just created…
“you know what nevermind, let me just have the box already.”
“Okie dokey loki,” Pinkie said, “though I really don’t get why there is so much secrecy in this. I mean it’s just a clown costume, it’s not like I’m giving you my cocaine stash or anything.”
“Because, if Sunset sees me getting the clown costume… then my disguise will,” Pocket Pair explained, before hi eyes widened and said “Wait, WHAT? You do coke?”
“Duhh, how do you think I stay so hyper all the time,” Pinkie said matter of fact.
“uh,” Pocket Pair said incredulous, before Pinkie burst into hysterical laughter.
“Hehehe oh come on, don’t tell me you actually believed that stuff about me doing coke,” Pinkie said. “I may be hyper and all but I’m not stupid enough to actually tell which drugs I do."
"Oh, alright, well… WAIT, you actually DO have drug habits?" Pocket Pair said taken aback again, before another laugh from Pinkie took him by surprise.
"HEHEHE oh come on, don't tell me you fell for that too." Pinkie Pie said. "You're too gullible, you know that."
Pocket Pair, irritated, said "Ok, wait a minute. Just for the record, you DON’T do drugs."
"Nope," Pinkie said, "Well maybe caffeine from the energy drinks I have everyday.” the thought of the hyper Pinkie drinking caffeine making Pocket Pair wince, before Pinkie Pie continued, “However, even though I don’t do drugs, I do like those snoop dogg remixes people make to songs where they pitch shift the words smoke weed everyday to fit the notes played. I mean come on, those are too funny to ignore." She then stopped talking for a moment and thought before saying "Hey, wait a minute, I just thought of something. Why are you using a clown disguise to hide from Sunset Shimmer anyways? That's stupid. She'll see right through it. You should just go to the principal and let them handle it instead.”
“Uh, Thanks, but no thanks,” Pocket Pair said, “I can handle it myself. And besides, it’s not like the principals would actually do anything if I told them anyways…”
“Oh come on,” Pinkie said, “of course they would silly. I mean it’s not like this is some online fanfiction in which the rules and restrictions of real life such as bullies getting in trouble for making threats and and authorities taking action against them for said threats doesn't happen for plot convenience among other reasons.”
“Uh, what was that now?” Pocket Pair said confused as all hell.
“You know, fanfiction,” Pinkie said, “user written content which is created by fans of a particular show because they want to see the characters of said show engage in activities beyond what the show made them do. These include but are not limited to romances, sex fics, and also many more romances because let's face it, most of the fanfiction written has some sort of shipping of the main characters of the shows of interest in it. In addition, like so many Hollywood motion pictures, some fanfictions tend to have authorities which don’t take proper action when obvious trouble is taking place so as to allow the antagonist to continue their iron grip on the protagonist until the protagonist is driven to stand up to them. *GASP* Hey, do you think maybe I’m a fanfiction character, maybe one based off a pony in a children’s show who has a princess of friendship for a friend and whose target audience is young girls but for some reason is watched by a large group of older males as well? Because let me tell you , that would be awesome if I were!”
“Umm…… sure,,” Pocket Pair said. “but anyways, how about my box?”
“Oh, ok, her you go,” Pinkie said handing it to him, “b\But let me tell you, Sunset is never going to be fooled by that for a second. If I were you, I’d tell Principal Tirek, vice Principal Celestia and intern principal Luna what’s going on. Especially since my right ear is twitching and that means that a major event is likely to happen to you in the near future.”
“Uh, huh, sure, and I’m the pope,” Pocket Pair said rolling his eyes.
“Hey, don’t be sarcastic,” Pinkie said, “this is serious! When my Pinkie sense sets me a twitchin' you better listen!"
“Aaaand supposing I actually believed you... what the fuck is a Pinkie sense anyways?” Pocket Pair said sarcastically.
“Well,” Pinkie said, “when certain parts of my body twitch, it lets me know certain things are about to happen. Like for example, when my right arm twitches, that means something’s about to fall.” Right then, as if on cue, her right arm twitched and she pulled Pocket Pair aside just as a fluorescent light bulb fell from the ceiling and shattered on the floor where he had been standing.
"Wha.. how did you..." Pocket Pair wondered aloud before Pinkie cut him off and kept talking.
“When my left arm twitches,” Pinkie said, it means It’s my lucky day, when my right leg twitches, it means I forgot to tell someone my contact information, and when my right ear twitches, ” she said before she stopped moving and showed it was indeed twitching, “It means a doozy is about to occur. And I think that doozy is Sunset ruining your newfound reputation for standing up for Derpy.”
Pocket Pair, still shocked from Pinkie predicting two things right, shook his said and said “Yeah... I think I'm just going to go now if that's alright with you?" Before he took the box.
“HEh, fine, suit yourself, but don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Pinkie said before bounding away and starting to leave the hallway. However, before she could round the nearby corner closest to the dead end, she turned around and said "You know what, I like you. You actually listen to me instead of just telling me to shut up like a big meanie pants like everyone else when I ramble on about things like my Pinkie sense and my wanting to be a fanfiction character. If Sunset doesn't totally destroy you and thus make it impossible, I think we could be really good friends. See you around Pocket Pair." She said before she rounded the corner and left his sight.
"Hey, we're not friends, we're just ACQUAINTANCES!" He shouted after her, before shaking his head in frustration and starting to open the box she gave him.
Applejack, still watching, rolled her eyes and muttering to herself "Pinkie Pie, you are SO random,“ before she looked at Pocket Pair and his box and said "Now what the hay is he gonna do with that clown costume? Give it to Sunset as a peace offering?" before her eyes widened with horror as she saw him begin to put it on. "OH no, tell me he isn't..." she said to herself before he interrupted he
monologue.
"There we go, Pocket Pair is no more," Pocket Pair said, "From now on... IIIIIII'MMMM Dick The CLOWNNNN!!!" The last part said in a strangely monotone voice. "And since Sunset doesn't know I am Dick The Clown, I won't have to worry about her ruining my life any more. Bag, this plan is super swell!!!" he concluded, before he left the hallway and rounded the corner Pinkie Pie had used to leave.
Applejack, facepalming at his stupidity, said "Yes, he is. Mah gosh what a terrible plan. When Sunset sees him in that costume there'll be no shortage of stuff for her to use against him to exact his revenge. And all it would take is one picture of his Dick The Clown to completely ruin the fame he got for defending Derpy against Sunset. And on that note, who in the hay is Dick The Clown anyways?" before she shook her head in frustration and said "Well no matter, ah gotta get to the principals and fast. I'd trust Ralph, but for one.... he's Ralph, and for another, this is far worse than I could have ever imagined." before she quickly turned around and began walking towards the principal's office.