//------------------------------// // Chapter 1- Canterlot Elite // Story: The Mail Man // by Tedious_Blizzard //------------------------------// The Mail Man: Canterlot Elite     It has been almost nine months since I came to this mystical world and also got a job to keep me occupied (and fed). I've been working at Canterlot's Post Office with Derpy and so far I haven't had any major problems or accidents. It’s very calming and safe to work inside such as I am right now, just sorting out all the letters and packages for Derpy to deliver tomorrow morning. We both have ten hour shifts and the first five hours for me is in the office sorting everything with Derpy delivering the mail. The second half of my shift is spent delivering the mail while Derpy is sorting things in here, the office. In my opinion this is a pretty good system for two people, it’s been working out great for us so far and both me and Derpy aren't yet super fed up or stressed. We also managed to get enough funds to brighten up the building with fresher paint and more cabinets inside for more letters and packages (no more congestions and angry ponies, yay!). Both Derpy and I now wear uniform; I have a navy blue mailman jacket with a snow white strip going across the midsection and a nametag saying 'Boris-Canterlot Post Office'. Underneath that I have a plain white shirt with short sleeves as some days can get pretty hot, and a large baby blue satchel to hold the letters. I normally wear blue or black shorts as there was no uniform for my legs. Derpy has almost and the same uniform except hers is ponified and she also has a navy blue cap with her nametag on it instead.   So here I am nine months after getting this job, minding my own business (literally) and sorting out the mail again. I remember when I first saw this place is was quite messy and difficult to get the right mail even if there were cabinets with signs on them, it just wasn't enough. On my first day here I helped Derpy re-organise everything so that no more will she have to explain to somepony that their mail went missing in the bathroom- you cannot believe how many times that has actually happened. I sigh as I finish signing some documents for a large crate of mail coming from Manehatten.   Ponies and their stupid puns, why can't you be normal and call it MANhatten?! Or if you really wanted to annoy me you might've instead just call it PONYhatten... why Equestria why?       Sometimes this land does aggravate me and it does make me lose my marbles at times. This normally happens when I witness powerful magic that shouldn't be possible or when I look in a history book and find the Princesses are immortal and one was banished to the moon for one thousand years. For the first few months in this city I was spending all my free time reading books, whether it being on history, geography or even magic I didn't really care. I needed to catch with this society if I want to live in it for some time. Magic is a strange subject, destiny marks as well. 'Destiny' Marks are the tattoos on a pony's flank that apparently, through magic, show your destiny or job. Every now and then when I see a pony's 'destiny' mark I feel pity towards them, who wants to be anchored down to do the same job their whole life? To me I would go mad doing that. But hey, maybe I'm wrong as some ponies really enjoy their jobs. Maybe my view doesn't apply in Equestria as much it would've done on Earth. Oh well. They are actually called 'cutie' marks but I refuse on my honour and pride to not call them that. I'm not the only creature displeased with the name so it doesn't sound weird I say 'destiny' mark in a conversation.        My distracted gaze wonders to the grandfather clock in the corner and see that my shift is almost done. Nine months is a long time being stuck in different time, especially since I haven't noticed it go so quickly. I asked Princess Celestia a while ago if the mages have found a way.  It's been six months, two days, five hours and thirty-five minutes since Princess Celestia has promised me that she'll get me home. I asked her council on one fine morning to arrange a meeting to see the progress for my home. They have granted me one today. With unrecognised guards on both my sides, I was being led down a winding hallway to where the mage tower was with the Princess already in there that will hopefully tell me good news.    We reach an ornate heavy dark oak door with symbols (magic runes?) and mystically they open without human or pony intervention. Medieval automatic slide doors? Sure, they've got magic. When I look inside I see the walls lined with books and tomes with the centre of the room full with metal machines and unicorns throwing magic to and fro. Next to some unicorns that wear purple and gold-accented robes is the Princess with a very small frown.   The Princess normally doesn't frown... hopefully her expression is just misleading.   Princess Celestia finally notices me and as she meets me halfway, her frown is replaced with a neutral smile. "Good afternoon Boris, how has your stay been? Is there anything else you would acquire? Actually wouldn't it be better to have some tea?"   She's beating around the bush, "Your highness, I'm tired and worried. I've been waiting months for an answer and sorry for being impolite but can I just have one?"   Celestia gives me a surprised look, "You are not like my ponies... very well," her expression becomes sterner, "So far the mages have found nothing and I myself have found nothing in the Canterlot Archives regarding dimensional portals. We found traces of magic near your area of arrival so we can't pinpoint where you planet is. Even if we did find your planet, such knowledge of magic that powerful has been lost in time. We only have one artefact left like it and it leads to a planet with creatures that don't match what you have said about your species. I'm sorry, but for now you're going to have to stay a little longer." Celestia finishes her talk and casts her gaze aside, slightly ashamed that she can't help an innocent to get home.   My anger starts to boil and red flashes across my sight and for a brief moment I envision my hands digging into Celestia's feeble neck. I ball up my hands into fists of violence and my mouth forms a silent snarl. Celestia looks back at me to see my expression and she takes a step back in worry for her safety, none of the mages or guards notice anything amiss though.   Normally my temper doesn't raise that quickly but in a land where violence is almost non-existent and there are no modern sources of entertainment I had nothing to let my stress and frustrations out on. For the past six months, I have been building up rage. Before I go off like a nuke Celestia decides to try and calm me.   "Boris, I know this is hard for you but you must have patience. I will find you a way home and it will be in your lifetime. There are many other ways to travel aside from portals," a motherly smile finds its way on her face and she takes a few steps towards me and put an re-assuring hoof on my shoulder, "Please calm down. It will do nopony here good getting violent and you'll feel even worse. If you want I can let you spar with the guards every weekend to let out some anger."   Red washes away from my vision and my fists are no longer ghosts on Celestia's neck. She is being reasonable and I do want some activity aside from work to de-stress.   I give out a sigh, "Alright, I'll take you up on that offer. Sorry for almost blowing up your highness," I relax my face and give her a tired smile, one I'm sure she uses all the time.   ...And I was disappointed by her answer. I still have high hopes for the day when comes round and says she has found a way. Luckily I'm quite good at multitasking so while I had my small trip in memory lane I finished my work for the first shift.   Suddenly a wild Derpy appears!   Suddenly, through the door Derpy barges in crying her eyes out. I spring up from my seat and rush to comfort my good friend and co-worker.   "Derpy please calm down, what happened?" my soothing tone and question gave the distressed pegasus a chance to calm down.    Once she wasn't sniffing every second she replied, "*sniff*I-I just don't know w-what went w-wrong! I-I was giving M-Ms Gem's mail at her house *sniff* w-when Jet Set turned round the c-corner and started insulting m-me! H-He called me a f-freak and a klutz pegasus bitc-"   I quickly interrupted her before she started crying again, "That's enough Derpy! Jet Set is just one of those mean 'nobles'. This has been going on for far too long, I'll need to put a stop to this", nasty thoughts enter my mind about what I'll do to those snobs for hurting my best friend.   I'll show those arrogant pieces of crap why you don't mess with a human and their friends   Derpy sees my twisted snarl and the evil glint in my eyes and she quickly extinguishes it.   She gets in front of me and waves her hooves in an attempt to dissuade me, "W-We don't have to hurt them! W-We just need to tell the P-Princess and they'll stop!"   And she did manage it; I immediately get rid of my dark thoughts and expression. I started to plan a suitable date to see the Princess and how to tell her that her perfect pony nobles are bullies and should reconsider their titles. "You're right Derpy, sorry to scare you like that."   Derpy's lovely bright smile came back, "It's alright, we all have our bad moments. You're my best friend anyway, so I have nothing to fear from you!" She then got a startled expression, "Oh wait! It's your shift now isn't it? Well hurry up buddy! You don't wanna be late!"   Zipping around the room with her unkempt wings, Derpy collects all the mail and dumps it into my (quite large) baby blue satchel and also any small packages; the bigger ones have to be collected and we give out a note when they have to collect it. How else would we move two tonne cabinets? None of us have magic and Derpy isn't strong enough to carry something like that, only the smaller packages she can manage.   She hands me my satchel, "Thanks Derpy, though you know I could've done that myself right?" I give Derpy a friendly smirk.   "Yeah I know but I can do it faster. You're a really nice human and I like helping anyway", she returned my smirk, "Now go and deliver the mail! It's your shift now!"   With a quick wave and a 'see ya later!' I departed from the Canterlot's post office and headed out to do my duty.   It's been roughly two hours since I started my second shift and so far I've had no problems with the nobles; I walk up to their homes and slip the mail in their mailboxes or the slits in the doors. Sometimes, when I see the pony I have mail for I just hand it over to them. On Earth this would be considered very rude and even wrong as I could give it to the wrong person, it isn't like that in Canterlot though. Canterlot isn't the largest city in Equestria, not like Manehatten or Trottingham that have been industrialised. Canterlot hasn't industrialised yet so it isn't as large, even though it's the capital. It's why everything here looks like it's from a clean version of the medieval era. This city is mainly for the nobles and the Princess, not many commoners get to live here. There are many tourists coming everyday but they don't get mail.   As I walk down Cobble Street, I see a café with another friend that I have made on my short stay here inside, Fleur De Lis. We both met when I ran into her while rushing to work on my tenth day here and after sorting ourselves out we introduced each other and went to have some coffee after work. She's one of the rare nobles that you can actually tolerate and even become friends with. Fleur has a luscious two-toned pearl white and soft pink mane and an groomed ivory coat, similar to the Princess, and a destiny mark of three Fleur De Lis (one yellow and the other two are purple). She has beautiful magenta orbs for eyes and a fabulous French accent, a perfect image of a pony model.    While I don't have any mail for her currently that doesn't mean I can't visit one of my friends briefly, I have a decently light schedule anyway.     I'm just a few paces away and she doesn't notice me until I call out, "Heya Fleur! How are you this fine day?"    She looks up at me from her afternoon coffee and gives me a genuine smile, the ones you never see around on the nobles, "What a pleasant surprise to see you Boris! I'm quite well thank you, but I wish I had some company," she gave me subtle hint on what she wanted.   "Unfortunately, I still have my job to do and I can't stay here. I would love to meet up after today, an early meeting if you want," I adjusted my satchel, staying still in one place drives me mad.   Her smile stayed on her face, "Sure! Of course of course, but Fancy might not be able to make it today though as he has a meeting with some other nobles."   After meeting Fleur, she introduced me to her husband: Sir Fancy Pants. He's a very nice fellow and even though he dresses and speaks like an aristocratic snob, he definitely doesn't behave like one. We three always have coffee after work even weekend, sometimes even Derpy joins us. She's not a massive fan of coffee or politics so she doesn't come as often. Also she has two children to take care of so it's understandable. I've met Sparkler and Dinky a week after meeting Derpy and when I'm near the elementary school early on my second shift I make sure to stop by and say hi to Dinky. Sparkler is in Canterlot's School for Gifted Unicorns which is like a private school and Dinky is the much younger sister, around eight years old.   "Well that's a bummer. I'm sure we'll see him next time though," my shoulders sag from the revelation and the weight of the mail (I know it's just paper but there is a lot of it!).   Fleur gains a more serious look and leans in with a quieter voice, "Oh and word from the industry says that some nobles are banding up together in a mutual affair. That mutual affair has been hinted to be you so please be careful."   My smile drops. I sigh and rub my temple. Sudden news like this sometimes worries me, especially if it's about scheming noble snobs.   I look at the sun and then to the pile of mail in my satchel, "Thank you for the information and I will look out for myself so don't worry. I'm sorry to cut this short Fleur but I really have to go now, so bye!"   "Farewell mon amie and say hi to Derpy as well!"   With my hasty retreat I move on to the next address. Several hours have gone by quite quickly with the only other pony I saw that I recognised as an acquaintance was Twilight Velvet. She's an author for a book series for foals, I haven't read it but I always have some mail for her about book approvals or some limited editions. I'm currently walking down Fresh Avenue on the way to the post office with a spring in my step and an empty satchel. Slightly skipping and humming a tune, I make my way down an unnamed alleyway which I use as a shortcut on a daily basis. My happy and normal afternoon was about to get ruined, noble style.   "Well hello there monkey, what a displeasure it is to see you here and still not in the dungeons where you belong," out of the shadows comes out the one of the most hated nobles: Jet Set. With the clip clop of more hooves I see a few other 'friends' of his materialise out of the darkness. To his left is his wife Upper Crust and the two others on the right of him are ones that I don't know the names of nor have I actually seen around in Canterlot. Jet set is a unicorn stallion with a dark grey curly mane and a light grey coat. He wears small round glasses at the end of his muzzle with sea blue eyes. His wife has a two-toned light lavender and white mane and a vanilla yellow coat. Both have a shirt on them with a jumper draped over their backs; Jet Set has a green shirt and white jumper while Upper Crust has a white shirt and bright pink jumper. Both ponies look like they are in their mid-thirties as well.   With caution I back off slightly and get ready in a barely noticeable battle stance, ready for anything these unicorns do to me.   "What do you want Jet Set," I don't like talking to him so I narrowed my eyes menacingly and gave him a threatening tone.   He seemed unfazed though, "Now now Boris, no need for violence. We are civilised ponies after all," they all gain a smirk, " You are a disgusting and dangerous creature Boris, you shouldn't be anywhere near us ponies. Nopony has the sense and bravery to stand up to you so we will. We would like to just notify you that if you continue living in Canterlot you might start getting 'accidents' and life will be much more unpleasant, just like it should be for an animal like you." As soon as he finished talking all their smirk dropped back to their neutral condescending look, the 'I'm better than you' look.   How ironic for the pony to call me an animal... My stance and gaze never changes, "You've given your warning, so screw off before I call the guards."   Upper Crust gives me a glare, "How uncultured, you could've at least tried to prove us wrong."   She finished talking and the group walked backwards into the shadows and promptly disappeared.   I better take another route, I didn't see their horns glowing so there is a high chance they are just waiting for my back to turn. Actually I better stick to the open streets now.   I wasn’t afraid of the nobles, but I was worried on who they can send after me. The nobles play dirty in their game of politics and creature removal, and no one would dare try anything on me or Derpy while in front of many ponies.   Earlier on I gave Jet Set his mail to his manor and I'm quite pleased that I put it inside his trashcan instead. That's probably illegal but screw him.   I didn't let my stance relax until I was back at the post office where I noticed the paper that I didn't read this morning. After flipping through some boring and unimportant content I come across a page with the title 'Dirty secrets of an disgraceful alien' and frown.   Looks like he was already started trying to bring me down for a while, or he just has lots of connections to get this posted   For some reason I have a small flashback to the first time I read the newspaper here and saw that the writing language is exactly the same as English. I take a glance back to the article and to what Derpy advised this late morning.   I really need to speak to Celestia about these ponies.