Twilight stared at her desk. It was covered in books, as usual. Tomes of all sorts were laid out before her, but the unifying theme was unmistakable: magic. Ancient arcane apocryphal texts were layered with the latest publications of magical theory and application - all sorted categorically and chronologically for easy cross reference, of course.
"I didn't want to be special. I didn't ask to be so powerful, either," Twilight Sparkle said to nopony at all. "I certainly didn’t need to be immortalized in the stained glass windows of the Royal Palace."
Twilight stared at her desk. Not at the words on the pages, begging to be read and understood. She glazed over their collective knowledge, her mind focused elsewhere.
"Immortalized isn’t quite right, is it? Not when those same halls are walked by two ponies that seem to never age; maybe three. I'm not sure about Cadance yet." Twilight shook her head, trying to keep her train of thought on the rails. With a heavy, disgruntled sigh, Twilight moved away from her desk.
"Commemorated is most accurate, I think. Stress is no excuse for lazy language," Twilight chastised herself. "Even if those windows stay in place forever, ponies will eventually start to think they're just fancy decorations inspired by old stories. Everypony thought Nightmare Moon was just a scary story and Discord was just a weird statue."
Pleased with her reclassification, Twilight moved upstairs to gaze out the window overlooking her bedroom. A full moon shone overhead, its sullen brilliance playing small shadow games with the few remaining lights in Ponyville. On the distant horizon Twilight could make out the dimmest silhouette of Canterlot.
"But Nightmare Moon and Discord are very real," Twilight reminded herself. "Well, Nightmare Moon was real. Now there's just Luna, thank goodness."
Twilight thought back to her first meeting with Luna - the real Luna; the uptight, aristocratic, overbearingly formal, socially awkward, unbearably lonely, eager-for-a-friend, Princess of the Night, Luna. She chuckled.
"Oh, Luna. We've had a few great Nightmare Nights since then, haven't we? You still know how to scare the costumes off the little ones. It never gets old."
"But I will get old," Twilight said bitterly, her thoughts back on their worrisome track. "and this is as far as I'll go. I'm at my limit, aren't I?"
As silent tears began streaming down her cheeks, Twilight threw herself down to her bed and buried her face in her pillow.
The pillow took her tears and wistful sobs as best it could, and held them tight until she drifted off to sleep.
knock knock knock
"We don't need any new telescopes..." Twilight muttered.
knock. knock. knock.
"or lenses."
Knock. Knock. Knock.
"Twilight, are you in there? I really don't want to carry Spike all the way back to my place. I don't think he can sleep on a cloud anyway, which is really too bad for him. Clouds are awesome for napping."
Twilight's eyes bolted open when she realized there was no telescope sales pony at her door. She shot up with a little snort and bolted downstairs to open the door for Rainbow Dash and Spike. Her purple aura enveloped the handle, gave the lock a little twist and opened the door for her impatient guest and snoring roommate.
"I'm sorry Rainbow Dash, I must have dozed off upstairs." Twilight eyed the sleeping purple ball of scales on Rainbow's back. "I'll take him off your hoofs now. Thank you for letting him sleep on the way home. He get's cranky if he's forced to stay up too long past his bedtime, though he'll never admit it."
With practiced motion, Twilight lifted the dragon off of Rainbow Dash and moved him gently to his bed upstairs. Spike had a real bed now, at the foot of Twilight's. A tiny basket just wouldn't do anymore for a growing dragon.
"Thanks for letting me borrow him, Twilight. Anypony can fly through regular old boring fire, but Spike's green dragon fire really adds flavor to my routine this season." Rainbow Dash was blatantly proud of the unique twist her line-up would hold for this years flying competitions.
"Of course, Rainbow. I'm sure he was glad to be out of the library for a day. I certainly don't mind a little privacy once in a while." Twilight attempted a grateful smile for her friend, but her visage was faulted by the tear stains still lining her cheeks.
"Twilight, were you crying?" Rainbow asked, more than a little surprised. "I only had him for a day. You couldn't have missed him that much - could you?"
"What, this? Oh it's nothing to worry about." Embarrassed, Twilight tried rubbing the salty remains off her face. "I was just...uh, reading too much today, and my eyes were watering, which is why I went upstairs to lie down. You just happened to have shown up before I had a chance to clean myself up. That's all! Really." Twilight wasn't a great liar, but she thought the story was plausible enough. Her desk was still thick with books. After all, it always was.
Preoccupied in the moment, glancing around for more evidence to collaborate her lie, Twilight failed to notice Rainbow Dash glide over to her.
"Twilight Sparkle," Rainbow said in an unusually somber tone, "an egghead like you should have figured out how to deal with eye strain years ago. It only took me three Daring Do books to learn my limits, and you've been reading way, way longer than me. Tell me what's really bothering you."
“It’s probably nothing I should be so upset about.” Twilight lied. “You know how I tend to panic and overreact about inconsequential little things. I’ve done a pretty good job keeping Crazy Twilight on lockdown since the Smarty Pants incident. That was too embarrassing for a repeat performance.”
“I remember what happened last time we forgot our lessons about friendship. I believe it was your brother’s wedding, and he nearly married a fake princess because everypony thought you were just being paranoid. I’m not going anywhere –” Rainbow snapped her wings to her sides, falling abruptly, and dug her hoofs firmly into the ground to cement her dedication, “until you tell me what the hay is bothering you.”
“Okay. Fine, you win. I’ll tell you what’s bothering me, but don’t be upset that you wasted your time when it turns out to be nothing worth mentioning.” Twilight tried to keep a strong face, but her efforts failed quickly as the depressing events of the day trickled back in.
“Earlier today I was practicing a new spell – well, it was more like a synthesis of spells, really. My goal was to adapt Rarity’s Gem Finding spell for more mundane objects, combine it with a slightly modified version of the Time Travel magic I learned a few years ago, and then channel it through an Image Projection spell-weave.” Rainbow Dash’s mouth hung slack as she failed to process the complexities of Twilight’s project. Undeterred, Twilight continued emptying her brain all over Rainbow Dash. “The fusion of modified Gem Finding and Time Travel spells would give me, or any other skilled enough pony, the ability to focus on the past events surrounding an object or individual. By adding Image Projection to the mix, we could not only view past events ourselves, but show them to other ponies. The potential is amazing! It would be a giant leap in forensic sciences, and make little annoyances like misplaced items a thing of the past.” Twilight smiled wide at the possibilities running wild through her imagination. Nopony had ever taken on such an ambitious magical undertaking, at least in the record books Twilight had read; likely all of them.
“I didn’t understand all the bits of magical lingo, and I kind of doubt anypony else would either, but it sorta sounds amazing,” Rainbow replied in a hushed voice, overwhelmed by the inner workings of Twilight’s mind. “But you still haven’t told me what has you so upset.”
Twilight’s mood slid backward to her former state of dreary gloom. She opened her mouth to speak, but only weak faux words slipped passed her muzzle at first. “eh, I… umm…well the thing is…” Twilight stopped for a deep breath before ridding herself of her shameful secret. “I couldn’t do it. All of the pieces fit, the theory is sound, and it shouldn’t be too much of a drain on my magic to execute. I tried all day, and I failed every time. Then I started to get scared…” Twilight trailed off, overcome by a fresh round of tears.
Her usual tough and macho bravado forgotten, Rainbow Dash wrapped her forelegs around Twilight’s neck and pulled the sullen and soggy lavender mare in for the tightest embrace she could muster. Violet eyes swam in cyan fur and feathers. “Let it out, Twi,” Rainbow Dash whispered. “Just let it out now.” And she did; for all her tired eyes were worth, she did.
“I was afraid that I had hit my limit, Rainbow Dash; afraid that my magic had hit a wall and I’d never be able to climb over it.” Twilight pulled out of the cyan pony’s embrace, her heart lighter for having laid her sorrow in the open. “Magic itself is my special talent. It’s a part of my very core. I’ve had some challenges, but there’s never really been a spell I couldn’t perform after a couple of tries. I spent all day on one piece of magic and made no progress. Where’s the purpose in my life if I can’t continue pursuing magic!?” Twilight pleaded to her friend as much as to herself.
Something in Twilight’s confession struck Rainbow Dash as a little unbelievable. “Let me get this straight, Twi. You’ve never needed more than a couple tries to do your spells, right? Not once has magic given you any trouble. Think about that carefully, Twilight, it’s an important question.”
Twilight thought back as far as she could remember. “My entrance exam as a filly was almost a failure, but I think that was due to anxiety.” She picked through her memories of school as best she could. The first day of Magic Kindergarten had been awkward; not everypony adjusts well to new social situations. She turned the dial on the clock of her memories further forward. Private lessons with Princess Celestia were more challenging than what passed for advanced curriculum at the School for Gifted Unicorns, but still, all of her lessons came quickly and fairly easily. From filly to grown mare, nothing magical ever seemed to give Twilight any trouble. “No. I can’t think of a single time I’ve had any real trouble executing my magic. It hasn’t always gone exactly as planned, but that’s part of the learning experience, I think.”
Rainbow Dash thoughtfully tapped a hoof to her chin, carefully considering Twilight’s self analysis. “I think I know what your problem is,” she proclaimed. “It’s something I had to deal with, too. But I don’t think you’re going to like it.”
“I don’t think I can get any worse than I was earlier, Rainbow. Hit me.”
“You work hard at what you love, right? For you, it’s magic. For me, it’s flying and being awesome. Fluttershy has her animals, AJ has her farm, Rarity has her frilly dress things, and Pinkie has the bakery and parties. But here’s the thing that took me a long time to realize: working hard isn’t the same as hard work.”
“I don’t…I don’t think I understand.”
Rainbow Dash thought for a minute, trying to come up with a workable comparison. “Okay, if I practice my tricks all day and night, that’s working hard, right?”
“Of course it is. You’ve always been very diligent on honing your aerial skills.”
“Right, and that’s important, just like you studying all the time. But all that effort isn’t worth a cumulonimbus on a sunny day if you’re not challenging yourself.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow at Rainbow’s use of such scientifically accurate nomenclature. “Are you trying to tell me that for my entire life I haven’t been pushing myself hard enough? I attended the most prestigious magic school in all of Equestria and I’m the protégé of Princess Celestia herself! How much harder could I have pushed myself?” Twilight proclaimed, dumbfounded and insulted at the accusation Rainbow Dash had just leveled at her.
“I told you it would be hard to hear, Twilight. But I can tell you, sure as it’ll rain next Wednesday, if you’ve never failed, then you’re not pushing yourself to the limit.”
Twilight was visibly distraught at the notion of having wasted so much time. Rainbow had to be wrong. “But I’ve kept up on the most recent advances from the most renowned magical minds in Equestria! How much closer to the limits can I possibly get?”
“You’re walking their limits, Twilight, not your own,” Rainbow said, shaking her head. “I think you’re so used to being the faithful student that you missed becoming the teacher. As long as you’re living in somepony else’s shadow, up to any expectations except your own, you’ll never be really happy.”
“But you made it into the Wonderbolts. Aren’t you living in their shadow, in a way?” Twilight asked, perplexed by Rainbow’s insights.
“If they had let me join the first three times I auditioned, maybe.” Rainbow said with a little laugh. “But they didn’t, and after the last rejection I was heartbroken.”
“I never knew they turned you down. You never even told me you tried out for the team,” Twilight said regretfully. “I would have done, I don’t know, something to cheer you up.”
“Nothing you could have done, Twi. The greatest flying team in Equestria didn’t want me. I even gave up trick flying for a while! I just floated around like a regular pegasus for weather duty, and that was it. After a couple weeks of depression and, even worse, boredom, I remembered something important: I love flying and being awesome and nopony could stop me from doing it!” Rainbow puffed out her chest with pride. “So I got back into the sky and started practicing my flying again. Not so I could get on some team and show off, but because it’s what I love. I mean, I do love showing off, too, but I don’t need a stadium and a uniform to do it. I performed the way I wanted, not how I thought the Wonderbolts would like.”
“If they kept turning you down, how did you end up on the team? It doesn’t sound like you planned to audition again.”
“I guess I was causing a bit of a stir around Cloudsdale. Ticket sales for the air shows were dropping. Ponies didn’t want to pay bits when they could watch me around town for free, I guess. Fleetfoot found me and asked me to join the team.”
“Rainbow, that’s amazi –”
“I told her no, of course. I wasn’t going to make it easy on them after what they put me through. Soarin’ came next and asked me to join and he got the same answer. Finally, Spitfire herself showed up. She went about it the fun way and challenged me to a race. If she won, I’d join the team. If she lost, they’d stop bothering me.”
“I take it she won the race?”
“I may have let her win by just a little bit. They made a good effort, so I figured I’d cut them some slack and join the team. Now it was my choice, not theirs.” Rainbow smiled at Twilight. “Do you see the difference? If I had made the team in the first place, I would have been stuck working for them, not with them. I probably would have been a great Wonderbolt, but not nearly as awesome a Rainbow Dash.”
Twilight was quiet as she put the pieces of Rainbow’s story together. It made sense, in a way. Rainbow had to be rejected before she realized that her real happiness wasn’t joining the Wonderbolts, but in flying and improving for her own sake.
“I think I understand, Rainbow Dash. You wouldn’t have been happy living up to anypony’s standards but your own, right? It’s a little different for me, I think. I’ve always exceeded the expectations placed on me, but I never really considered what I expect of myself.” Twilight was putting the last pieces in place. “Magic always came so easily, so I figured working on my new spell would be the same as every other. When it wasn’t, I broke down. I had never disappointed anypony else before, let alone myself, so I didn’t know how to handle the feeling of failure.”
“You got it, Twi,” Rainbow said as she leaned in to hug her friend again. “Nopony else is going to give you a grade this time. You’re the teacher now, Twilight.” Rainbow looked her friend square in the eye and asked, “Feel better now?”
“Yes. I think I’ll be alright now, thanks to you. Thank you so much for sharing that story, Rainbow Dash. It couldn’t have been easy reliving those memories.”
“Ha, don’t sweat it. There aren’t enough sad memories in the world to bring down my level of awesome.” Rainbow’s cocky bravado was back to her usual level. “If you’re sure your brain isn’t going to melt again, I need to get heading home before it gets too late.”
“I’ll be fine, I promise,” Twilight assured her with a smile. “You go on home.”
“Alright Twilight, I’ll see you later.” With a flash of her wings the cyan pony was in the air, headed toward the open window.
An idea struck Twilight suddenly. “Wait a second!” she called to the air born mare.
“What is it, Twi?” As she hovered, her wing was covered in a magenta aura. With a quick yank, a single feather was removed from her collection. “Ouch! What the hay was that for?”
“Sorry, Rainbow, but I’m going to want to see tonight again once I get my spell working.”