//------------------------------// // 7 - To That I Say Let Them Be Fake! // Story: Buggin' Hiccups // by sunnypack //------------------------------// Chapter 7: To That I Say, Let Them Be Fake! To say that a shocked silence swept through the hall would be a severe understatement. To say that every pony felt their life flash before their eyes would actually be an overstatement… but their true reactions weren’t too far off. To say that Hup was almost wetting himself with anxiety would be doing him a kindness. Hup was really in the deep end. He was one of the gathered that felt his life flashing before his eyes. Well, maybe the only one, but that was small comfort in the face of Hup’s rapidly impending doom. Instead of transforming into another pony, he had gone and dispelled transformation altogether, ending up… as a changeling. “Oh!” It was Raven who first spoke. “Princess, how marvellous! Indeed, that was what you wanted to address straightaway.” Confused, but unable to do much more than go with the flow, Hup nodded. “Yes,” he said clearly, “I am a changeling?” Although the statement was more like a question, Raven seemed to grasp a hidden meaning behind the words. “Indeed, Princess, you wish for all beings to live in harmony, including changelings. So that was why you were so quick to show your support to this Society.” Members who were initially paralysed, slowly gathered their wits about themselves and then started muttering in indecisive acknowledgement. Fluttershy beamed at Hup. “You understand!” I do? “Yes, all you need to do is show a little kindness, and it’ll all work out. We need to see things from their perspective. After all, changeling have been around for as long as we have.” They have? Raven stepped forward. “Fluttershy, you are as daring and brave as ever. Do you intend to pretend to be a changeling, princess? Such brilliance could only come from you. A princess pretending to be a changeling, how ironic.” You have no idea. Also Fluttershy daring? Brave? Unbelievable. That last thought wasn’t really fair to Fluttershy. As Hup got over swallowing the fact that he was exposed—but not really—he had admiration for the timid creature in front of him that, at first, seemed more reserved and timorous than even himself. But while his actions were an act, her convictions were real. And that was what struck Hup as particularly mind bending. In any case, Fluttershy and Raven gestured for him to continue with his speech. Steeling himself, he managed to finish the speech without shapeshifting back immediately, then managed to transform back into Princess Celestia to the sound of thunderous applause for his radical views and commitment to their core values. Which were fulfilled completely by accident. Fluttershy was an interesting pony, though. He hadn’t much time to talk to her, but it seemed like she was similar in a lot of ways to Hup himself. He enjoyed their conversation to such an extent that he almost forgot that he was a changeling masquerading as a princess masquerading as a changeling transformed back into a princess. Amazing, he thought to himself, to be able to achieve all she had with such a barrier. By the time the session came to an end, Hup was overflowing with new tumultuous ideas. “Princess, you spoke so like a changeling I almost thought for a moment at that time that you were one!” She grinned. “Absolutely astounding!” In the quarter of an hour it took for Hup to accidentally transform, make a speech and then have it all resolved with polite conversation, Hup felt like his life had shortened by at least a few years. But surrounded by happy faces and fine wine and dining, Hup felt he could live with that fact. ———————— Nearer to the evening, Hup shifted through document after document, trying to figure out which particular things went where. When Hup had a moment to himself, which happened only in the period for which he could excuse himself to go to the bathroom, he contacted the Princess to let her know that some documents needed tending to. Princess Celestia had told him that she would handle the paperwork, seeing as how royal behaviour was a lot easier to imitate than a royal signature. It was surprising to Hup that she would go out of her way to drop back in from… wherever she was on holiday to sign some documents. Maybe the alicorn had second thoughts about putting Hup in charge. Not that Hup wasn’t willing to give it a try, but Celestia probably drew the line at forging signatures… and she also mentioned that she wanted to check up on the cake stores to make sure he hadn’t actually ate them. It took a fair amount of convincing to allay the Princess’ fears and stop her from teleporting then and there. Among the growing list of problems, Hup was having trouble deciding where to put the prodigious amount of money into. Joining him was Raven, the ever-faithful, almost stifling, assistant to the Princess. Hup considered several excuses to dismiss the poor pony, but then he realised that would only tighten the political noose around his proverbial neck. Still, her absolute sense of duty made him a little uncomfortable. After all, having any living being, let alone a pony, practically help him out with every little thing was immensely relieving for a changeling that had never experienced the concept. It was overwhelming and satisfying in a way that made him temporarily forget the terror of exposure and subsequent execution by the Queen. If he failed. Subservience was a powerful thing. The night, though, was rapidly approaching, and so were the ends of his arduous duties for the first day. “Raven,” Hup called out softly. Raven perked her ears. “Yes, Princess?” “Thank you so much, you’ve been a great help today.” Raven blushed. “J-Just doing my job, Princess. Thank you for your thoughtful words.” Hup nodded. “Well, I have finished the paperwork so far—” “Let me take those off your hooves—” “No, no, I think you deserve a break, Raven.” Instead of looking happy, like Hup expected, the shocked assistant looked like her house was burning down. “P-Princess, do you find any of services unsatisfactory?” “No, no, no,” Hup responded hastily. “Of course not, your actions have been exemplary.” There was a pregnant pause. “You’re not sick, Princess?” “Raven, I’m not sick… I’m simply grateful.” There was an obese silence. “Raven?” His assistant appeared to reboot herself. “Princess, surely you need some help with something, anything?!” Hup began to shake his head in negation, but then stopped at the stricken expression decorating Raven’s desperate features. “Okay, uhh, yes, could I have some tea?” It was probably more a job for the waiting staff around the castle, but Raven leaped at the opportunity. “Yes, Princess, right away!” If Hup had been listening carefully, he might have caught: ‘As I thought, there’s something really wrong with the Princess! Suggesting a holiday? Impossible!’ As it happened, he was more preoccupied with the problem of mounting money involving mounting pressure from interested political movers and shakers, and so missed that critical statement. Hup could be forgiving for missing that pivot moment, which later he would recognise was where everything started going wrong. Well, even more wrong than it currently was. In sum, Hup was beset by the age-old adage: “More money,” he murmured, “more problems.” To his credit, Hup had not spent his time unproductively. He had narrowed down a few areas he could use the money. There were dire reforms required in infrastructure, small businesses, the military, and in some areas of welfare. Though it wasn’t technically his job to intervene in such matters, the word of royalty held sway in Court and anything he said or did would undoubtedly be carried out. At least until the real Celestia came back and turned him into a pile of mush for interfering into stately matters beyond his control. So Hup resolved to make a few minor changes; he prided himself in making small adjustments. He wasn’t aiding the ponies, he thought to himself with a wry smile, there wasn’t anything wrong with doing a little bit here and there. Little did Hup know, this simple act had a few consequences, as some historians had observed. Said the Royal Archiver: “Quite possibly the most peaceful, shortest and beneficial coup in all of Equestria’s history.” Said the Royal Assistant: “I’ve never thought the day would come where a changeling would do better in governing than the Princess, or indeed the government, itself!” Said Princess Twilight Sparkle: “I-I’m not jealous of the changeling at all! Not even a little!” Said Princess Luna: “Maybe I could have taken over ruling of Equestria if Hup had done a poorer job…? Regret? Me? Don’t be ridiculous. I wish my sister a happy and long reign. It’s just… never mind.” Said Discord, Lord of Chaos, Eater of Glass Milkshakes: “Truly a master worth admiring from afar. I knew his true identity, of course, but things were so much more interesting if I left it alone. After all, Equestria is a better place because of it. I’m still totally reformed, by the way, no need to look like that. Gleam? My eye? I couldn’t possibly be inspired by that kind of evil. No way, don’t be ridiculous.” Said Queen Chrysalis: “All my plans were foiled by his brilliant mind! Simply unforgivable… if not for the fact that such a being was created by none other than me. As expected, perfect in every way! The experiment was a success. But Hup, be prepared, I will be coming for you, not after you betrayed me. No one escapes the Swarm. No one.” N.B. For some reason, Chrysalis was smiling here and I decided to leave the interviewing for another time, maybe never—Moondancer. Hup declined to comment after reading the excerpt on Chrysalis. ——————— Princess Luna often slept through the day, but could function with less sleep than normal. There were advantages to being an alicorn. In the midst of tending to the little things that kept her subjects happy and wondering with pleasant dreams, Luna was often seen gazing at the hustle and bustle of the day, seeing her subjects living out their day to day life without the fantasia of the dreamscape clouding them. More often than not, the bright-eyed, wide-awake look of her subjects was what could lull her to sleep. Before she could retire, there was an urgent knock on the door. “Princess Luna? Are you awake?” Luna wryly considered the fact that she would be with all the knocking and loud shouting. Resisting the urge to simply fall asleep, Luna called out instead. “Yes, I’m awake, come in.” A prim-looking earth pony with stark black hair with a few tufts out of place on her mane, tumbled in. Luna straightened up from the balcony and trotted closer with a worried expression. “Raven? Whatever is the matter with you?” The pony made a visible effort to smooth out her ragged hair and calm her breathing. “Princess Luna.” She bowed deeply. “I think…” She hesitated, looking torn. “It’s about…” The flustered assistant trailed off, unable to find the words. Luna held the faithful assistant of Celestia in high regard. In many ways, this assistant was family, and she worked tireless day and night to cater to both princesses. In some ways, Luna thought that Raven was just as incredible as her sister. For any pony, that was high praise indeed. So when she saw just how affected Raven was, misgivings and rampant apprehensive thoughts tumbled around in her mind. It led to the one conclusion that Luna could think of. “No, it cannot be…” She swallowed thickly. “My sister?” Raven bit her lip and reluctantly nodded. “This morning I heard the Princess speak to herself.” Luna shook her head, inwardly relieved. “Even I do so, sometimes, in the dead of the night.” She withheld that she did so every night. “But, Princess, she was speaking in… third-person!” Luna did a double-take. Now it was serious. Speaking in third-person was reserved for villains, egotistical nobles and crazy ponies— “Oh Stars…” Raven nodded vigorously as she saw the princess come to an awful conclusion. She decided to throw in the final straw on the camel’s back. “Princess Luna… Princess Celestia has even suggested to me that I…” She licked her lips. “T-Take a holiday!” Luna tilted her head. “Raven, when was the last time you’ve taken a break? I can’t seem to recall an instance for which you’ve been absent.” “Indeed, Princess Luna, I have a perfect attendance record since I took the post twenty years ago.” Luna gaped at Raven. “Twenty—?!” Raven continued, heedless of Luna’s expression. “The Princess has never requested I go on vacation except that one time…” Luna froze. “Go on…” “Well…” Raven’s eyes scoured the room in the same way she sifted through her memories. “There was this one time when the Princess mentioned that I should take a break, but that was when I first took the post and mixed up the annotation on one of the reforms. It took three weeks and two burnt out legislators to fix it. B-But I never missed a step after that!” A horrible thought occurred to her. “D-Do you think the Princess might be relieving me? C-Could I be the one contributing to her Highness’—” “Raven!” Luna interrupted sharply. “I trust you as much as my sister does. There’s no way this could be your fault. If anything, I think the situation is most dire if my sister has worried you so much. This does not bode well, not at all. Raven, are you thinking what I am thinking?” Raven nodded gravely. “I think her royal Highness may have gone mad!” Luna coughed. “Well, Raven, I do think that’s a little extreme, but I do think she may be under a little stress. Perhaps it is not you that needs the break, but my sister?” The realisation dawned on the assistant. “I-I apologise, your Highness, I was only thinking of myself. To think, all this time, I had taken for granted how the Princess smoothly and calmly takes care of all matters. Her dedication to her duty is truly awe-inspiring.” Luna nodded severely. “Indeed, my sister is peerless when it comes to her commitment to the community.” She sighed. “I wonder if that has taken a toll on her. Perhaps we should confront her with it?” Raven bit her lip. “Perhaps we should give her a surprise?” “A merry idea!” Luna exclaimed. “I will make haste with preparations.” Raven smiled. “And I will do the paperwork.” As Raven turned to continue her errand, Luna called out to her. “Raven?” “Yes, Princess?” “Please do take care of yourself, we care more about you than your loyalty to your work.” Raven hesitated, then smiled ruefully. “Princess, nothing makes me more proud than to serve both royal princesses. I would not have it any other way than what I have right now.” ————————— Meanwhile, blind to the inner machinations of the rest of the castle, Hup was suddenly struck by a plethora of ideas. He was sitting inside Princess Celestia’s room/study and was carefully trying to work out how exactly eighty million bits would be spent. “I will set up an orphanage! Then I will set aside some bits to get some ponies back on their hooves. I might even make a few new roads. Would that make more jobs?” During a scan of the census, Hup realised that there were an alarming non-zero amount of orphans and unemployed ponies. Though the budget adequately met their needs at the current stage, Hup was keen to help those who could not help themselves. After all, that was the story of his life. In any case, the only thing that lacked funding was the military and even Hup wasn’t stupid enough to increase the military expenditure when Chrysalis was planning a future invasion. In fact, Hup thought it would be a good idea to decrease the spending and shift it to healthcare and infrastructure projects… but if Celestia were to find out, he would be dead for sure. The eighty million bits were pared down to around twenty million. There was still a staggering amount of money left over. “What do I do?” Hup groaned. “I think it’s best if you just look pretty and keep going like you have.” Hup turned around to see a rather happy-looking Celestia gliding in through the window as if it was a door. “I’m here to sign the papers, Hup—” A knock on the door surprised them both. “Hello, Princess, I just wanted to—” Princess Celestia danced on her hooves in a rare display of panic. “Quick,” she cried softly, “the bed!” Hup managed to transform into a mattress on top of the nearby bed as Raven entered the room. He’d never managed to imitate an inanimate object before, but decided that a mattress-coloured pony without any distinctive features would be close enough. If he were to show himself, he would belong more to a horror movie than on top of a royal bed. To make matters worse, Princess Celestia decided to splay herself on top of him to increase the level of realism. It only made him uncomfortable and supremely awkward, and she was heavy, though he thought he shouldn’t mention that. “Here is the tea and cake you’ve ordered, Princess!” There was a pause. “Was that mattress there before?” “Why thank you, Raven!” Celestia chose to ignore the fact and continue as if nothing had happened, she hopped off Hup and beelined it to the assistant. If Hup had a face, he would have pouted. Not fair, that’s my tea and cake! A whole day’s worth! In that moment, Hup vowed he would secure himself his weight in tea and cake. Hup, without being able to see, but at least being able to hear, heard the cake being casually devoured as the rustling of paper and porcelain resounded through the room. As each second wore on, his mood became more and more sour, but no cake was better than becoming a changeling skewer. After all, there are only so many holes in a changeling they could ‘miss’ through before a spear would land a hit. Hup wisely avoided thinking about that morbid topic any further. “Thank you, Raven, I don’t know what I’d do without you.” “No, please, I must thank you, Princess!” There was a pause. “So you won’t be relieving me of my duties?” Silence dominated the room for a smattering of seconds. “No, Raven, of course not! Whoever gave you that idea?” Hup heard some shuffling of papers on the desk as Raven kicked back into gear. “No, no, silly me. Nopony did.” Hup caught a soft statement as Raven circled near the bed. Must be intermittent. He didn’t know what it meant, but he barely had time to process the statement as Celestia continued in a mild-mannered voice. “Well, I’m done with the paperwork, I will retire shortly after I sort out a few more mattress—I mean, matters.” There was a small pause before Raven replied. “Yes, Princess.” Hup heard the door open and close. “Now then.” Celestia directed her voice to the bed. “You can come out now.” “I’ve gotten the dress all wrinkly,” Hup replied in a sulky voice. “It’ll take ages to fit another one in.” Celestia grinned at the changeling. “Oh don’t worry,” she said brightly, “I can stay for a few more minutes to fix you up.” Her smile died down a couple of notches as she glanced guiltily back at the door. “Hup, you didn’t, by any chance, tell Raven to take a break or a holiday, did you?” “… Yes, I thought she deserved one.” Celestia smiled sheepishly. “I should have explained that Raven is… a very dedicated pony to her profession. If you suggest she take a holiday out of the blue like that, she’ll panic.” Hup felt an enormous flood of guilt. “O-Oh I-I didn’t mean to, it just happened! What do I do?” Celestia patted him on the back. “Well, Hup, I think you’ve done a splendid job so far. I should tell you more, but I must head back.” Hup blinked. “Why are you disappearing to and fro so often?” Celestia opened her mouth to reply, but then closed it with a snap, shaking her head slightly. “Sorry, Hup, the truth is…” “Princess?” Hup heard a knock on the door again. “Gotta go!” “Hey wait—” Before Hup could query the mysterious alicorn any further, Celestia leaped out of the window and disappeared into the sky as the door opened and admitted a mare made up of shades of blacks and blues. Hup swallowed and turned around to greet his ‘sister’. “Hello, Princess Luna.” ————————— “Princess?” Luna frowned at him. “Sister, you sound a little strange.” Hup inwardly kicked himself. Siblings would not address each other by titles if they were alone. “Luna, sorry, I think I’ve been a little overworked lately.” Luna swept her gaze across the books, parchments and scrolls that littered his desk. “Yes… it seems like you’ve been quite busy lately. Eighty million bits?” Hup nodded glumly. Luna drew closer. “Sister, is that not good news? Why do you look so down?” “I-I’m not sure how to spend it all…” Hup sighed, there wasn’t any pony he could ask—wait. There was one in front of him! “Luna! What should I spend it on?” Luna gaped at him. “Sister, you’ve never asked me for an opinion on Court matters before.” She peered at him. “Are you feeling ill?” Hup looked away. Oh no, that just made it worse! “I wanted to get some family help…” The sentence teetered over a shared silence that felt like it was slowly smothering the nervous changeling. He could hear his hammering heart pounding in his chest. How could Celestia abandon him just as her sister came in? Couldn’t she deal with her just before she left? The silence was getting heavier by the second. Unable to take it anymore, Hup swung around to meet Luna… and saw a giddy grin instead. “Sister, I’m touched! I’ve never gotten to work with matters in the Day Court before!” She sidled closer and gave him a surprisingly warm and sincere hug. Surprising mainly due to the nature of never being hugged before. At least in that non-threatening or lethal-like kind of way. It was really nice. Hup decided to go one step further. “If you don’t mind, maybe introduce some things at night?” Luna was beside herself with excitement. “Sister, I didn’t know you had that sort of thing in mind, this blows our little surprise out of the water.” “Surprise?” Hup tilted his head. “We set up a whole day for you tomorrow to visit your student!” Hup tilted his head. “Student?” Luna chuckled anxiously. “Sister, are you sure you’re alright? I refer to none other than Princess Twilight Sparkle.” “Oh, Princess Twilight Sparkle—” Hup’s eyes widened so much he’d thought they’d pop straight out of their sockets. “TWILIGHT SPARKLE?!” Luna studied him a brief period. “Sister, perhaps you are worse off than we imagined. The stress of the work has gotten to you, I think you need some rest.” Hup sank down, unresisting into the bed as Luna tucked him in and sang him a lovely lullaby. He couldn’t recognise the words, but it had an enchanting feeling and quickly he was sucked into sleep.