.XXX.
“This is all your fault.”
“No this is your fault.”
“Your fault.”
“Yours...”
I believe that if I was capable of it I would currently be overwhelmed with frustration. I have encountered many organics in the few years since I was manufactured and the cloaked being I was now restrained next to was rapidly becoming one of the worst. I mean, how exactly was him being apprehended while attempting to capitalize on the bounty this ‘Chrysalis’ put on me my fault exactly? What's more, my own capture was totally his fault for pretending to be a Jedi! It is fairly obvious now that he is merely some kind of force using bounty hunter but at the time my programming had tagged him for elimination, unfortunately I was not really built to fight hand to hand so my attempts to neutralize him were unsuccessful. Even more unfortunate was my current captors reaction to my repeated attempts to eliminate him, tieing me up here to keep us from ‘fighting’. Now we were both restrained within this hollowed out tree where the natives had taken us.
“You!”
“No you.”
“YOU!”
“No you.”
“FOR LOVE OF CELESTIA SHUT YOUR TRAPS!” The orange one had apparently lost her patience.
“ONE MORE WORD OUTTA EITHER AH Y'ALL AND I’LL CLOBBER THE BOTH AH YAS!”
I quickly disabled my vocalizer, I already had several areas of minor damage to my exterior and I did not want to add more dents to my collection. The cloaked organic next to me was apparently not as wise as he seemed to take offense to the threat.
“WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME YOU-” SMACK!
That looked like it stung...
.XXX.
Now that the cloaked bounty hunter was drooling all over himself in his unconscious state and our captors seemed to have accepted my cooperation at face value, I took a moment to review the current situation. I was currently a single OOM-B1 battle droid designation H-883, having made contact with what appeared to be a large number of unknown alien beings, primitive but also force using. I was beyond any hope of contact with any CIS units as demonstrated by my almost constant attempts at communication with no response. I possessed limited resources including at this time:
1x B1-series Droid
1x Soiled Sponge
There had to be some sort of protocol for this situation or at least for first contacts in general. I did a quick search of my memory banks and was surprised to come up empty. I performed the search again just to be thorough and again the search returned no matching parameters. I paused to think for several long milliseconds before deciding to manually search all received directives, now lets see...
Directive 1: Follow any order given by CIS personnel. - Factory Default Command
Directive 2: Do not allow superior CIS personnel to come to harm - Factory Default Command...
.XXX.
Directive 87: Eliminate force users after confirmed affiliation with group entity “Jedi” or after hostilities confirmed - Factory Default Command
Directive 88: In case of emergency break glass - Factory Default Command
.XXX.
Directive 513: In order to prevent sudden unplanned disassembly when serving in close proximity to one ‘Gen. Grievous’ attempt to display a maximum amount of unit competency. If processor strain occurs while doing so maintenance will accept this directive as valid cause for damage. - Field Tech 687-A-34
Directive 514: Anymore damage caused to planetary landing vehicles by droids being sucked though air intakes will result in group reprimands. This should not still be happening, how many times do we have to program you morons not to stand in front of running turbines! - Trade Federation Engineers Union
Directive 515: Go to the shop on the corner and pick up the laundry then go to the convenience store on 987th and get some blue milk. - Maintenance Tech 7981-H-12 (Note: Delete this before sending the droid back to active duty!)
.XXX.
Finally I found it! It has taken nearly six minutes of searching my memory but I’ve finally found it!
Directive 1098: First Contact Protocols.
{Please write these before this batch of droids ship would you, I don’t have the time.}
{Dammit Allan! We don’t exist to do your job for you, get your work in on time or I’m reporting you to the CO.}
{Oh come on Danny! I promised you I’d bring extra corellian nectar to the barbecue this weekend!}
{Yes you did and I agreed... the first three times you did this but this has gone far enough. Do your own work on time or I’m reporting you.}
{Fine Danny see if I ever do you a favor again!}
...Oh you festering sacks of- /Restricted Content/
<<Please Input Password to Unlock Parental Restrictions>>
[]____________________________
.XXX.
“Hey um... Twilight...” Rainbow Dash poked her long time friend in the flank as she slowly shuffled backwards nervously staring at the tan thing.
“What is it Rainbow? I’m almost done with this letter to the princess can it wait a moment?”
“I don't think so...” Rainbow took off into a low hover watching as the weird skinny thing Chrysalis was after rolled around on the floor having some kind of conniption. “That thing is really freaking out!”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “I would appreciate it if you didn't call them a ‘thing’ we might not know what they are yet but that's no excuse to... be...” Twilight trailed off as she turned to watch the thing repeatedly bang it’s strange head into the floor.
“Hey I thought I told you to be quiet!” Applejack chimed in as it started to babble.
“My existence is a lie! The government is lame! I’m a disposable piece of hardware not even fit to give proper orders to! I’ve spent the last six months scrubbing god knows what off the bottom of animal cages!"
“Err-” Twilight joined Rainbow in backing up nervously. “Hey I’m sure it’s not that-”
“I was built to be a mindless puppet and retrofitted into an idiot because my makers were too cheap to spring for decent programmers! I don’t even have protocols to tell me how to act in this situation! What do I DO!?”
Twilight shared nervous glances with the rest of her friends before lighting her horn.
“Oh good, I’m glad you have some idea what to do. I was afraid-” Rarity began before trailing off when a stream of pillows suddenly buried the hysterical creature. With a blank look the mare turned to Twilight. “Really? That's your solution?”
Twilight blushed and looked away sheepishly. “It's only temporary until the princess gets here then she can deal with it.”
AJ shared a skeptical look with Rainbow Dash. “Ah didn't think you was one to pass the buck like that Twi.”
Twilight frowned and snorted at her friends. “Well excuse me, you want to try dealing with some kind of hysterical unknown creature?”
“Hey there grumpy gus, maybe we could cheer him up with a party!” Pinkie offered, throwing a bit of confetti into the air as she threw her hooves up.
“Pinkie we don't even know if it’s a ‘him’” Twilight replied, hoof pressing between her eyes to ease the building migraine.
Pinkie grinned and hopped onto the pile of pillows where a muffled screaming could still be heard. “Of course its a ‘him’ because it sure isn't a ‘she’!”
The other mares shared a look before AJ shrugged. “She’s got a point.”
“UGH!”
.XXX.