//------------------------------// // Nobody get's more girlfriends // Story: Life of a Nobody // by Xinrick //------------------------------// “I have a week or two before my siblings hunt me down and have a ‘godly bachelor party’...then the week after that me, and my five girlfriends are going to getting married…” I say to myself, having finally figured out how to make Lindworm into a flying snake thing and taking it out for a ride. “I have five rings...and three more just in case…” I mutter continuing to enjoy the flight before I heard a loud screech. “The fuck?” I mutter before looking around carefully, only to be shocked at seeing seven Air Pirates attacking...Gilda? “Get away from me!” Gilda shouts, slashing at the Heartless to get them away from her. “Never fear citizen!” I shout, switching to Reunion and landing on a flying card and dashing towards the Heartless. “The hell?” Gilda asks, her and the Heartless actually turning towards me before I swiftly killed all of them rather quickly all things considered. “Who in the hell are you?” “I am the White Knight of Equis ma’am.” I say simply. “Slayer of Heartless, good person all around, and an all around badass.” I explain with a grin. “Badass huh?” Gilda says, clearly unimpressed. “...Too much?” I ask. “Yeah.” ”Christ…I did sound like a bad comic book hero…where the hell did that even come from?!” I mentally argue with myself. “Well, anyway…. So, what are you doing here? I haven’t seen a griffon in town before.” “I’m usually delivering packages for out of town or to pick them up. Being a griffon I can fly for longer periods of time compared to most ponies so I usually get stuck with the long distance deliveries.” “Sounds about right.” I nod. “But you living in town or outside of town?” I ask curiously. “I live with my roommate Derpy.” “Wait you're living with Derpy?” I ask, honestly shocked about that. “Yeah…after a friend and I had a falling out rather than go back to broken down, likely heartless infested Griffon Stone, I stayed and then Derpy came along…dropped a few hundred pounds of mail on me, treated my injuries then I just kinda moved in after that, she got me a job at the post office and I just kinda stayed.” “Yeah I heard Derpy tends to...do that on accident.” I say sheepishly. “By the by...does Derpy have a daughter?” I ask, wondering if Dinky did exist. “Yeah, little Dinky. No clue who her dad is sadly, I’ve been like a big sister to the kid.” I frowned at hearing that. “Well glad to know you’re helping Derpy and Dinky.” I nod. “But why did Air Pirates attack you randomly? Normally those things have some semblance of a reason to attack people…” I ask, wondering if there was some reason beyond just ‘random convenience’. “I don’t know. Was delivering a package to some address way out of town when they popped up.” “That’s concerning.” I frown. “Well I might as well tag along just so you won’t get attacked again...also...just a curious thing, has Derpy ever said anything about me? Like...a majority of the mares in Equestria?” I ask. “Well, considering she and Dinky were in Manehattan when you first showed up she did send you some get well gifts, oddly enough it was a pineapple. Other than that… well, let’s just say she may or may not have a full body pillow of you in her room that may or may not be anatomically correct.” “Oh…” I mutter, steam pillowing from my head. “And...she hasn’t tried to ask if she could join my herd...why?” “We both agree she’s got a hot bod, but she thinks males turn her down because of the eye thing. Personally that’s just cute to me.” “Her eyes are adorable!” I say with a frown. “Why no one would want to date her for that cute face alone is beyond me.” I huff. “Well, let’s get this thing delivered and then I can introduce you two, she may be my friend, but I wanna see the train wreck that is you two meeting.” Gilda said, starting to walk along the road. “I promise to not make it as much of a train wreck.” I say, sitting down on my floating card and following along. A mile or so out and we found the ‘address’ which was literally just read as “shed two miles outside of town” and landed in front of the small shed. It was green painted, red light bulb on the side and a brown roof with a door and window right next to each other. “Who can live in such a small shed?” “You’d be surprised.” I shrug. “Either people that just want a small house out of the way or people that just really want a roof over their head.” I explain. “Now...let’s see who lives in this creepy as hell shed.” Gilda knocked on the door, to which there was the sound of metal clanking and a cat screaming. “Why are you still in here cat!” A rather familiar voice yelled. When the door opened… Cript was there. “Oh, hey Ben, oh, my mail!” Cript took the box and walked into the shed…to which Gilda and I followed…seeing it was bigger on the inside…much bigger. “Dad...the fuck are you doing here?” I ask with a frown, looking around the inside of the ‘shed’. “Oh, making sure the Radist systems and functions are still working. Haven’t used this thing in a long time so wanted to make sure it was all still good.” “‘Radist systems’?” I ask with a frown. “Oh and Gilda...this is my dad…” I say, still not entirely sure why the hell he was here to begin with. “You know what a Tardis is?” “Of course it is…” I sigh out. “Found this thing in a time lord scrapyard, last owner was dead outside the door and the key was broken off inside the lock. Managed to get the key out and the power was about dead when I entered, got it running again and kinda made it my house after reading through the owner's manual.” He said, placing the package on the console. “Course, that was way before I became a god.” “I kind of thought that.” I nod. “But why does it look like a shed instead of a police box?” “Was like this when I found it, never found the circuit board for the chameleon functions so I just left it as is. Talked with the Doctor about it once and turns out mine was the newest model before the time war whereas his was already a museum piece. Now that’s lucky.” “Right then…” I nod. “But I suppose mom already told you and everyone?” “Oh yeah. Since the whole family, save for the infants are going to be there I’m having two worlds made, well, three, one for your bachelor party, one for the lucky ladies bachelorette party, and the one for the wedding.” “Oh dear…” I sigh out. “But don’t be surprised if there’s more wives...sometimes things happen ya know?” “Oh, I know. Heh, I remember when my first wife suggested a herd. I ran for the nearest closet… don’t you dare make a joke about that.” “It’s not my fault you walked into it dad.” I say, trying to contain my laughter. “But anyways...I think we kind of...blew Gilda’s mind with all this…” Dad and I looked at Gilda, who was just looking at the ceiling with an open mouth. “Yeah… Speaking of,” Dad grabbed the package, quickly opening it as what was inside was a pulsating white crystal. “Still not sure how this got here…” “Don’t know…” I frown. “Anyways...can you try to keep my family off my back for longer than a week? Also…” I start before tapping Gilda’s shoulder. “Gilda, you home?” I ask the dazed griffoness. She shook. “Wha…oh…HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!?!” She squawked, finally out of the daze and now in the freak out. “Maybe we should leave. Besides you have to show me where Derpy lives.” I say nervously. “I don’t want to...try and explain any of this right now.” “You two go on ahead.” Dad said, still looking at the crystal. “I’m trying to… wait, nevermind.” He said suddenly, tossing the crystal. “I’m stupid, I forgot about what let this thing exist…. Here.” Dad floated the crystal over to me. Holding it made me feel… kinda happy. “Keep it.” “Thanks...what is it?” I ask curiously, wondering why it made me feel happy. “Basically it’s pure light element condensed into a self recharging crystal. Lots of other crystals that are basically infinite resources of elements exist. That one is for light. Oh, do yourself a favor and try not to break it, weakens the power.” I immediately summoned my assistant and put the thing in my ‘bag’. “Yeah that’s going to stay there for a long ass time.” I say with a frown. “Anyways, Gilda, we have a cute mare to meet.” Gilda just nodded as she began to walk out the door. “I’m gonna pretend this didn’t happen.” She said as we got out. “It’s best if you did.” I nod. “I’m...sorry. That tends to happen sadly…” “Well… follow me then.” Gilda said as she took flight. I got on my cards and followed next to her. We ended up back in Ponyville, near town square actually when we landed, the house we were in front of was two stories, rather cozy looking with a nice front and back yard. “Welp, here’s home sweet home.” “Cozy.” I say honestly. “Ladies first.” Gilda rolled her eyes, walking up to the door and opening it. Inside was…really nice, some fancy furniture, pictures of Derpy, Dinky and even Gilda all hung on the wall. This was…a nice surprise. “Huh…” I say. “Looks nice.” I smile, looking at all the pictures and glad to see the three of them happy. “Yeah.” Gilda said, taking a seat on the couch and tossing me a…Diet Cola. “She takes a lot of vacations with Dinky and I tag along. Finally got to see some real amusement parks.” I put the bottle in my pocket and nodded. “Glad to know you’re having a nice time here.” I smile. “Must be nice...after having a break down you found people to pick you back up.” I say, looking down and sadly remembering my previous life. “Yeah, Derpy has always been lucky, kinda balances out her clumsiness. I guess I was meant to find her and be friends. Kinda restored my faith in ponies.” “Derpy could restore joy in anyone that’s for sure.” I chuckle. “But are Dinky and Derpy home or away?” “Dinky should still be at school, and Derpy should get off work in an hour or so. I guess if you plan on her joining this herd of yours I should show you around her home.” Gilda said as she got up and pulled me along. “And maybe if I’m lucky I can also have you.” I half joke. Gilda immediately stopped. “Dude, first off, I’m not easy to get along with, I still wonder how Derpy does it, second, you could never handle my tits.” “Firstly, we’re getting along perfectly fine. And two, I handle Luna’s, Twilight’s, Zecora’s, Rarity’s and Pinkie’s tits, at the same time.” I explain. “Ha, you perv. Well, anyway, first off is my room I guess.” Gilda said as we got upstairs. She opened the first door up here and inside was a not very decorated room, the only decoration was a slightly bloody closed letter pinned to the wall. “Well, here’s my room.” “Should I even ask about the slightly bloody closed letter?” I ask worriedly. ”Kind of thought I would see an instrument case or something…” I think to myself. “Oh, actually I keep that as a personal reminder. Was the first piece of mail Derpy dropped on me the day we met, address is all covered in blood and unreadable so I kept is as a…keepsake.” “Ah, I understand.” I nod. “But um...do you play any instruments? You look like someone that would.” “I used to play the flute when I was little, but I haven’t played in years, plus I never went back to Griffon Stone to get my old stuff when I moved here, so if it’s not stolen it’s likely buried in dust…. Assuming the roof didn’t cave in already.” “I'm sure someone can make you a new one.” I say honestly. “Cause I'd like to hear you play the flute.” “Heh, maybe. Playing a flute with a beak isn’t easy. Well, next is Dinky’s room.” Gilda closed the door, and a little bit down the hall to the right was a door with the words “Dinky’s room” written in fancy letters. The door was painted with a green field and a large blue sky above it. She opened the door and it was a kids dream come true in here, dresses and even a child sized manikin was dressed in a fancy dress, dolls and stuffed animals were scattered everywhere, and her bed was the top part of a bunk bed with a slide to go down and a ladder to go up. Though, I did notice the high end gaming PC on the desk under the top bunk. “As you can see, Derpy spoils her to death.” “Hot damn.” I say in surprise. “Well...as long as she's not acting spoiled…” “Derpy did have Dinky earn the bed and computer, the rest is actually gifts from her grandparents, save for all the games on that PC, Derpy buys her those.” “Sounds like a nice family.” I nod. “But how is Dinky? She nice to friends?” I ask curiously. “Her only friend is a filly named Ginger Snaps, and Dinky herself is nice, though, she’s almost as shy as that pony Fluttershy at times. I think that’s why Dinky likes playing games, she pretends she’s not… herself.” “Trust me...I know that all too well…” I sigh out. “But hopefully I can be a nice father figure.” “I know Derpy would agree.” Gild said, closing the door. “And lastly the kink de resistance.” Gilda dragged me over to the last door on the hallway. When she opened the door… I nearly had a heart attack. Pictures of me, most clearly fan art cause I DID NOT POSE IN THOSE CLOTHES! Were everywhere and as Gilda said… a full body pillow of me… nude… with all the right… parts… “Wow… you look as red as an apple.” Gilda said. “Uh…” I mutter, not entirely sure what to make of this. “Why hasn’t she asked to be in my herd again?” I ask, trying to keep myself calm and not freak out about all…that. “Seriously...there’s a difference between ‘cute’ and ‘creepy’...and this is on the borderline of ‘she would probably rape me if she had the chance’...” “Not her fetish as far as I know.” Gilda said. “But hey, from what I hear Luna was practically dry humping you when she visited you in the hospital.” “She kissed me and that's it…” I frown. “But seriously...who made these? I feel very violated here…” “Fans, who then sold them to porn shops and over the internet.” Gilda deadpanned. “The worst one she showed me was this one sex doll that comes to life via special words then screws you.” “If I find any of these people bad things are going to happen.” I frown. “And not the 'bad things’ they want…” “Meh, well Derpy only went with the body pillow. So now we just kinda wait around I guess.” Gilda said, closing the door and the two of us went back to the living room. “Why didn't she ask again?” I ask Gilda. “Self conscious about her eyes due to bad boyfriend experiences.” Gilda said as we took a seat. “Besides, she wonders how she can compete with three of the elements of harmony, princess Luna, and the most exotic female just below dragon, a Zebra.” “Damn….” I frown. “That's…something...but please tell me her room is sound proof...I hope Dinky doesn't hear her...private time…” “Yeah, she had that done with a special spell box she got at a porn shop in Canterlot. So… are the rumors Celestia and Chrysalis are a thing?” Gilda asked. “Yes actually.” I say honestly. “Surprising what sex and love can do...but the porn industry here must be huge…” I say, not sure why a porn shop has a portable 'soundproofing’ box. “From what I heard you should have gotten that answer when girls of all races sent you nudes while you were in the hospital.” “I didn't look at most of them...saw mares but all races?” I ask curiously. “Uh...kind of thought Dragons wouldn't see me as…’likable’ to begin with.” “I’m just going off rumors really. Though the dragon lord’s eldest daughter has made it public she likes you if the international news is to be believed.” “Listen I need to cleave my way through this planet's heartless population, I barely know anything outside Ponyville and Canterlot sadly.” I explain, never really having the time to travel to the other countries and clean up their Heartless problems. “Then you dude, need help. Why not ask… that guy, your dad, and those odd balls that you brought from… wherever.” “My dad can’t really help cause he’s...really busy. One of the ‘odd balls’ is a police officer but he can’t do everything, others are trying to have a normal life or do what they like...like a scythe wielder and kunai wielder being salon workers.” I shrug. “But I’m the main guy who has to do it…it’s my job after all and not many know how to use the main weapon I use.” “Not even that girl with the white wings?” “My sister?” I ask. “No...she’s also busy.” I sigh out. “But maybe, sooner or later, I can get…’apprentices’ and get some help.” I say before summoning Reunion. “And why I say that is because you need a ‘Keyblade’, which is what this is specifically to help mow down the pesky bastards.” I frown. “Well, where are you gonna find them? I’m guessing you can’t pick them up off of wherever.” “Actually…” I start. “If you do a special ‘oath’ then you’re able to get a keyblade. Not entirely sure why my four out of my five girlfriends and Spike didn’t get one sooner…” I mutter. “Spike…you mean the dragon living with Rainbow Dash?” “Thankfully I don’t get to hear him brag about it.” I sigh out, before turning the weapon around so it’s handle first for Gilda. “But if you want a keyblade, all you need to do is hold the handle and speak an oath. It’s all up to you my fine griffiness.” Gilda rolled her eyes at that, but was looking at the handle. She was clearly tempted, but before she grabbed it…“Gilda!” Screamed the high pitched voice of a filly. “I’m home.” Said the small, grey furred and blond maned filly named Dinky as she came into the doorway. “Maybe later.” I mutter before Reunion disappeared. “You got a special visitor.” I say to the little filly. “Guess who I am?” “Your that white knight guy… my mom wants your babies.” Dinky deadpanned. I groan, before rubbing my temples. “Christ she needs it bad…” I mutter. “How many times have you heard her say that?” “It’s unintentional when you come up in the news.” Dinky said, taking off her backpack. “When mom act’s, well, all fangirl she really goes all out.” “Well she’ll be glad to know about why I’m here.” I say with a smile. “But what do you think about me Dinky? Given that all I’ve heard most of the day is how Derpy thinks about me.” Dinky looked at me with a judging face. “...Stupidly lucky like mom.” “Even a child can see I’m an idiot…” I sigh out. “Wonders…” “It’s from what I’ve gathered.” Dinky said as she sat on the couch. “The day you showed up and kill a massive heartless you pretty much, in the same day, nail Princess Luna, Twilight Sparkle, then later Rarity and Pinkie Pie, and Zecora… wait… are you here… to add my mom?” “I saw her room sadly.” I sigh out. “But besides that Gilda explained that...she’s really lonely.” “That’s putting it lightly.” Dinky added. “Either way. But Gilda told me that people don’t like her because of her eyes...which frankly I’m rather concerned about people wondering why they would leave a cute woman just because of her eyes.” I say honestly. “Well…mom’s love life is that of Rarity’s before you hooked her. Picked the wrong men, then again, they chase her for her chest, butt, or money.” “Which I am after none of those.” I say simply. “I have too much money, and I don’t care how she looks physically. I care about the woman behind her physical features.” I explain. “That’s good.” Dinky said. “The ones only after the money are the worst.” “Remember how I said Derpy is lucky?” Gilda asked as I nodded. “She’s won at least one lottery every year since she was old enough to buy a ticket.” “Financially speaking Mom and I can live in Canterlot and not worry about investing money til I have grandkids.” Dinky said. “But mom and I like Ponyville and she likes her job.” “I’d rather live in a cozy town with people that actually give a damn about you then a city with a bunch of fuck wits with their heads shoved up their asses.” I frown. “Language.” Gilda said. “Kid in the room.” “Whatever.” I sigh out. “Anyways, when is Derpy getting home? Cause I’m pretty sure the moment she steps in here she’ll tackle me and I want to be prepared.” “Mom should be here in half n hour.” Dinky said. “Til then… is it true Luna is a game addict?” “Our room is filled to the brim with consoles and her gaming computer.” I deadpan. “I have never seen a woman that addicted to video games.” “Huh, alright. So… they say you have fourteen weapons?” “Yes I do.” I nod. “Can I see one?” “Sure.” I say while summoning my keyblade. “My signature weapon, Reunion.” “Do you have cards like the new cop downtown?” “Yes I do.” I nod, walking over and pulling a card from behind her ear. Dinky took it, looking It over. To my surprise she flung it at Gilda, who became trapped in It. “The heck!” Gilda shouted. “Wow…they work.” Dinky said. ”That...should not have happened…” I think to myself before snapping my fingers, Gilda being freed from the card and it coming back to my hand. “No trapping family in cards okay?” I ask, now just noticing a symbol on Reunion like on Fair Game. Dinky gave a cheeky smile. “Sorry, wanted to make sure they worked. And sorry Gilda, but if I flung it at Ben he likely would have stopped it.” “No more ice cream for you for a week.” Gilda grumbled. “Aw… fair enough.” Dinky said. “Anywhosits.” I say while making my weapons disappear. “How was your day Dinky?” I ask, hoping to have a casual conversation while we wait for Derpy. “Usual, waited for Cheerilee to hand out the tests, took them, then just kinda listened to music the rest of the day.” Dinky said. “Her tests are boring.” “Try taking nothing but math tests for over a month and a half straight.” I shudder. “She did.” Gilda said. “Dinky has an I.Q. that could rival Twilight’s.” ”I feel like there’s going to be a trend…” I think to myself worriedly. “Okay then...not sure how or why but okay.” I nod. “I’ve just always been smart for my age.” Dinky said. “Part of why I don't have many friends and why I keep quiet in public, people don’t like my ‘smart’ mouth.” “Listen, there’s a difference between being smart, and being sassy.” I explain. “Smart is basically telling people they are wrong, sassy is basically doing the same thing but in a more...joking or jerk kind of way.” I shrug. “Not when you’re eleven and you can catch mistakes serious ‘adults’ make. Once on a field trip to the mayor's office I got lost and found myself in her office, found her books for the town budget and her math was… well, let’s just say the town owes me for having the extra cash to rebuild the public pool.” Dinky said. “And the mayor got mad even though she did agree I was more correct in the numbers than she was.” “I think the mayor was mad because it’s her job to be correct and not screw up...and when she was pointed out she was wrong she probably got mad at herself or something.” I shrug, not knowing the whole situation. “Either way, people just get made when you correct them. Too prideful to accept help for anything.” “True.” I nod. “But oh well. So, I heard Gilda’s side of things, but what do you think about having Gilda here? Gilda said you treat her like a ‘big sister’, is that true?” “I do.” Dinky said, cheering up. “She’s tough, doesn’t take mouth from anyone, and mom’s last break up Gilda here scared the scum bag by flying him high up and dropped him into the lake.” I laughed at that. “Oh wow, that is hilarious.” I chuckle. “My finest work.” Gilda said, her voice filled with pride. “Glad to know you’re happy Dinky.” I smile. “A child should never be sad with life. No matter what.” The sound of the door opening caught our ears. And as expected Derpy came in. “Hey, Gilda, Dinky, I’m home.” Derpy said…when she entered the living room her eyes were covered with…seaweed? “Had an accident delivering some food to the petshop.” “How did you get home with those on your eyes?” Gilda asked. “I can see on my bad eye side, but I can only see the ceiling right now.” Derpy explained. “So anything happen?” She asked as she tried pulling off the seaweeds, the things tangled in her mane as well. “Here, let me help.” I say while stepping forward and helping the mare get the seaweed out of her mane. “Oh, Gilda, who’s your friend? He sounds nice.” Derpy said. Once the seaweed came off and she saw me she froze. “Yep. Just as adorable as I remember.” I smile. “Hello Derpy, it’s nice to see you.” I say kindly. Derpy still didn’t move.. But when a smell I quickly became familiar with started to arise she somehow did a sonic boom indoors, breaking anything glass as she zoomed upstairs. “Yup! About what I expected!” Gilda shouted, our ears ringing. “What the heck!?!” I shout, putting my hands over my ears and on my knees, blistering pain coursing through my head. ”God damn Dire Wolf hearing…” I think to myself, the pain hurting quite a lot. “Anyone else notice mom wet her pants?!” Dinky yelled/asked. Well, at least she didn’t know what that actually was. “I’m sorry my head feels like it got run over by a truck!” I yell, having noticed her pants wet but still. “Christ…” I grumble, starting to get up and just thankful I’m not deaf. I looked up, and to my surprise Luna and Trinity are there. Trinity put some kinda liquid in my ears and the pain left. “The heck happened?” She asked. “Luna and I were shopping then we hear a sonic boom.” “Derpy is my number one fan and she...has a lot of pictures and things that makes me feel violated.” I sigh out. “Well, fan art can never compare to the real things I have.” Luna said while Trinity started putting that liquid in Dinky and Gilda’s ears. “Derpy’s probably in her room.” I sigh out. “Sorry for you two to have to randomly appear here because of sonic booms...didn’t expect Derpy to move that fast…” “I don’t think Derpy moved that fast since her body pillow arrived.” Gilda said, still rubbing her ears. “I didn’t need to know that…” I mutter. “Oh, you should get used to it if you want her for your herd.” “Oh, you plan on adding to the herd?” Luna asked. “Then I must meet this mare.” “I have the weirdest feeling there’s going to be three more.” I say honestly. “One is Derpy...who is currently in her room most likely...then two others…” I trail off, still not sure if Gilda would even want to be apart of my herd anyways and maybe someone else. “But anyways, let’s go find her.” I say before heading off to Derpy’s room. “Allow me.” Luna said, having me step to the side as she opened the door, to which she was met with a scream. “If all goes well then please, keep those clothes off.” Luna told Derpy to my embarrassment. When I got to walk in I saw Derpy…holding the body pillow of me under the sheets. “I...I...I’m so embarrassed…” “I’m right here, if you wanted a hug you could have just asked.” I say sheepishly, knowing what’s under the sheets. “Instead of...trying to blow my ear drums out…” “Heheh…sorry.” Luna stepped forward. “Young filly, please tell me, if you were to be offered a place in our herd, would you accept?” Luna asked. “M-Me…in your herd? W-w-w-w-w-w-with…the w-white knight?” She stuttered. I stepped forward and gently put a hand on her cheek. “Yes. Do you want to be apart of my herd?” I ask gently, hoping she isn’t completely overwhelmed with everything. Her response was kicking the body pillow out and she dragged me under the sheets, as she started stripping me. “Well while this goes on I’ll be downstairs.” Luna said, closing the door behind her. Five…five hours. She can really take it, and she clearly needed it. “I see you...really needed it…” I say, starting to get dressed. Derpy chuckled. “I haven’t had anything other than my hands and toys to get me off since Dinky was born.” Derpy said, going through her closet. “So… like my ‘bubble butt’?” She asked, knowing I was face first in her cutie mark for a fair hour. “I do love your ‘bubble butt’.” I chuckle. “But I love you for you Derpy...and that’s a fact.” “Well, so far you know what you’ve been told and I only know you from what I’ve heard. Can’t wait to meet the you the news cannot report about.” Derpy says as she finishes getting dressed. “Call me Ben, that’s my ‘real name’. White Knight is the news name.” I say simply, stretching out a little from our ‘fun’. “Hey...do you ever think I could manage to get Gilda as a herd member or do you think that’s stupid?” I ask. “I think it would be good for her. She’s never been in a relationship and when it comes to friendships I barely managed to get to her try them again. She’s changed a lot since I first dropped that mail pile on her. I think she just needs the griffon way of choosing a mate.” “And I have no idea what that is.” I say honestly. “Cause Griffon’s aren’t the ‘fight me and win my hand’...I think that’s more ‘dragon’ oriented.” “Well, if my porn knowledge is right, and it is, for Griffons they have to see how good you are…by experience. Meaning if you can manage to get Gilda in bed, if what you did to me is just a part of what you can do, she’ll accept in half an hour. As for dragonesses, the mate in question has to fight the father, take a scale from them, then give it to the dragoness.” “How important is the porn industry here? I mean dear lord this is...kind of a lot for ‘porn’.” I explain. “Actually, most of this stuff comes from the Diamond Dog kingdom. After their new queen was crowned they got industrial. Most of the porn supplies in the world comes from there now, which makes sense given public sex is legal there, among other lewd activities.” “Oh god damn it…” I sigh out. “Well...anyways let’s go down stairs...foods probably made and they might be worried I accidentally broke your hip.” I say while getting fully dressed, putting on my cloak and heading on downstairs. “So, you two are still walking?” Gilda asked as we entered the kitchen. “Yes we are.” I nod. “I hope we weren’t keeping you from something.” “I was just telling Gilda here about your bedroom abilities.” Luna said, tapping Gilda on the arm. “She expects you in her bed after dinner.” I open up my Assistant and purchase a potion, and downing it and feeling way better. “Alright then.” I nod. “But um...did any of you...hear anything?” I ask worriedly. “No?” Dinky said. Luna leaned in and whispered. “I saw through the keyhole.” She said, making me blush. “Got to say, looking forward for when all of us gang up on you next time.” “So what’s for dinner?” I ask quickly, hoping to change the subject. “You and I are having Beef stew and the others are having Veggie.” Gilda said. “Right then.” I nod. “Need any help cooking or is it already made?” “It’s all done.” Dinky said, holding a bowel. “Dig in.” We all sat down and began eating, talking a bit too. “So Ben, Dinky and I played a new game that came out on the computer. It’s multiplayer so I ran home to get my laptop.” Luna said. “What’s the game?” I ask curiously. “Minecraft.” Dinky said. “It’s basically build whatever and survive.” ”It’s 2011 here?” I think to myself, remembering Minecraft on Earth came out in 2011. “Sounds nice, I suppose it looks like a world of squares?” I ask. “Yeah, basic, but fun.” “Right then.” I nod. “I really need to see what videogames are here...never decided to look it up because ‘saving the people’ and all that.” “You should take a vacation sometime Ben.” Luna said. “I’m sure Trinity wouldn’t mind and frankly Gilda here told me something interesting about the dragon kingdom.” “Right now is my ‘vacation’ because I’m looking for other girlfriends at this point...but after that I’m gonna need to be gone for a long time. Got to cleave through the world's Heartless population and try to make everywhere besides Equestria and a few outside places more….livable.” I sigh out. “Why not ask Zeke for help?” Luna asked. “He’s probably super busy and I need to make sure the planet is safe...I mean I can give more people Keyblades, and when the others actually summon theirs I’ll have to train them...or Luxu I don’t know…” I sigh out, knowing my list of shit to do is going from ‘laundry list’ to ‘Twilight’s list’ here. “I suppose Luxu and Time Bell can help in that regard. Luxu by himself could likely deal with the stronger ones while Time and Sweetie Bell handle the others.” “Hopefully.” I sigh out, finishing up my dinner after that. “Anyways, Dinky, what do you think about me in a ‘father’ sense?” I ask the filly. “I see comedy in my future.” She joked. “You...have no idea.” I say, shaking my head with a warm smile. “But it would mostly be a ‘what the heck’ kind of comedy…” “I guessed.” Dinky said, finishing her soup. “So, if Luna is gonna be my mom also then… does that make you prince and me a princess?” “Yes actually.” Luna said. “By marriage you’d become princesses, Ben becomes a prince, you know how it is.” “Sometimes I forget I’m wearing this thing.” I say while tapping the silver crown on my head. “Not sure why…” I mutter. “But what do you think about becoming a princess Dinky?” “Permission to rub it in Diamond Tiara’s face?” Dinky asked her mom. “Permission denied.” Derpy replied. “It’s mean, and unladylike.” “I’m sorry but Rarity want’s her lines back.” I joke. “Speaking of… I haven’t seen her reopen her shop yet?” Derpy asked. “Any reason why?” “She’s been busy either going to fashion shows, doing other things or being my girlfriend.” I shrug. “I’m sure she’ll reopen her shop here.” I say honestly. “She wouldn’t keep her stylish clothing away from the good people of Ponyville.” “I know the reason Ben, but that’s a secret between the women, and a surprise for you.” Luna teased. “Of course it is.” I sigh out. “So many surprises from my wonderful girlfriends.” “You’ll love it, trust me.” After Dinner Gilda and I… did the do and she’s now on board with the herd. Darpy was wrong, was after two hours. We also borrowed her soundproof box thing. With how late it was I spent the night there, and the next day Gilda, Derpy, Luna, Dinky and I walked back to the library and we told the news to the rest. “Yay! More milk for Ben!” Pinkie cheered. “Pinkie!” Twilight retorted. “There’s kids here.” “I’m not caring.” Jenny said, reading a book on the couch. “I’m confused.” Dinky said. “The girl on the couch is going to be your new sister, Jenny.” I explain. “She’s nice when you get to know her...just don’t make her mad okay?” “So you’re gonna be the bad influential sister?” Dinky asked. “Likely.” Jenny replied. “You smart for your age too?” “Haven’t had much school when your family is criminals that are on the shoot to kill list of every country. But I taught myself what I could. If you’re referring to maturity I can be more mature than Ben if I tried.” “...I think we’ll get along well.” “Just stay out of trouble you two.” I say simply. “I will.” Dinky said. “Expect me in handcuffs by high school.” Jenny replied. “You better not.” I frown. “A future princess shouldn’t be a criminal.” Jenny raised an eyebrow at me. “Princess? Me? … nah.” “Technically speaking when you’re apart of our family and I finally decide to marry all of my girlfriends you will be a princess.” I say simply. “Just don’t abuse your power.” “At most I’ll bankrupt the kingdom.” She mutters. “Why?” I ask with a frown, having heard her muttering. “Shits and giggles.” “Not surprised.” I sigh out. “Well I just hope we can help you not do that ever.” “Let me handle this.” Luna said, patting me on my side as she went up to Jenny. “How about this, if princess isn’t your thing, how about… future dungeon keeper?” “... keep talking.” “All the enemies we have yet to meet, the worst that we will have rot for the rest of their lives, it would be your job to keep them in chains behind bars, and if they escape, you can either rearrest them, torture them, then throw them back in their cells, or kill them. Your choice.” “...Deal.” Jenny said as she and Luna shook hands. “Well alright then.” I nod. ”Who knew Jenny would agree to murdering criminals…” I think to myself. “So, if that’s all darlings what next?” Rarity asked. “Dragon lands.” Luna said. “A very special princess there, if rumors are to be believed, has a thing for Ben and plus, a marriage with them will be instant peace between our kingdoms.” “Who is this dragoness again?” I ask curiously. “Also yes, I would like to know of another place besides Equestria...and is on the same planet for a change.” “Honora the princess of the current dragon lord.” Twilight said. “Her younger sister is named Ember, the two are… different. Ember wants to be dragon lord while Honora wants to explore beyond her kingdom. Her… condition makes that hard.” “Uh…’condition’?” I ask worriedly. “She’s a Snow Dragon.” Luna explained. “She was born in the dragon kingdom of fire, an egg lost and adopted by the fire dragon lord. She can’t leave her room or else she’ll suffer from heat stroke in minutes.” “Well I suppose it’s good that this,” I start before summoning Frozen Pride. “Is purely based on ice magic. Good shield to.” “That, and we asked a favor of Braig.” Rarity said. “You asked Braig for a favor?” I ask, not remembering that tidbit. “It was while you, Derpy and Gilda got to explore each other.” Luna said. “We knew of this and to be honest had planned to see her for both public and personal reasons. After the Manehattan incident, we need something to show the people Equestria will come back. The fire and Ice dragon lands are already at peace because of Honora, marrying her to an Equestrian prince to be will let the people know progress is being made, and we can get aid of the dragons. Their lands are rich in ores, and we are rich in gold and gems. It will all work out in rebuilding the city.” “Well glad to know that, not only will I get a dragon girlfriend but also help out in more ways around Equestria then murdering Heartless.” I nod, glad to be helping out as much as I can. “Yes, all we need now is-” Rarity was interrupted by Braig breaking down the door. “Speak of the devil.” “It took half my ammo cache but I got it.” Braig said, placing a small box on the table. “Pay up.” Twilight levitated a big chest, then when Braig took, he nearly fell over holding it. “Pleasure doing business, and Ben, when you’re done being lazy I’m training you next.” Braig said as he left. ”Prick.” I think to myself. “So...the hell’s in the box?” “We asked Braig if he knew of any items that let the user become immune to heat. He knew of several, but had none so we paid him to procure it.” Luna said, picking up and opening the small box. Inside was a ring, it looked like it was made from frozen fire. “He said it’s a ring of frozen lava. Made on a dangerous world, located in dangerous places. We paid him in about five hundred thousand bits, to which he agreed.” “Oh, okay then.” I nod. ”I suppose it’s best he get’s out and does stuff...and for me to not use my Assistant to basically get everything I need at a flick of my wrist…” I think to myself. “Anyways, when are we going?” I ask “Three days.” Twilight said. “Celestia and Chrysalis are coming too, they’ll be acting as our escorts since the changelings and dragons actually have had peace before, and Chrysalis wants to re-establish that.” “Well that’ll help out a bunch.” I nod. “But three days huh? Sounds like forever with most of the crap I’ve been doing lately.” “These three days are part of your vacation darling.” Rarity said. “Our way of saying… get to the bedroom, we’re not leaving till we have to go.” Rarity said as all the girls looked at me with those eyes. “Dinky, Jenny, have fun getting to know each other. Don’t burn anything down and if you see Sweetie, Time, and Luxu, mind explaining to them about my two new girlfriends?” “I’ll handle it.” Jenny said. “And if you actually don’t come out in three days I’ll get Kevin, think he’s living with someone named Cheerilee?” “Huh…” I start. “Well alrighty then. Thank you Jenny.” I nod. “Pay me when you escape or get out.” Jenny said as the girls dragged, well, carried me upstairs, locking the door behind them. To be continued...