//------------------------------// // Chapter 100 - The reason I must go on! // Story: The normal life of Nitpick Bittersweet // by Ryusun //------------------------------// “And that’s the situation.” Gilda and I were sitting in a table of a hot dog post near the orphanage, our heads resting on the palms of our hands, mouths hidden by our fingers with stern seriousness. We barely touched our big sized hot dogs, she attentively hearing what I needed to say. After finishing explaining to her my deal with Bon Bon, I could see it in her face. The answer that she was going to give me was going to be straight to the point, I presumed. Gilda frowned casually. “You are so stupid. No wonder you look like crap.” “You never fail to not disappoint me. What should I do?” “Are you really asking me that!?” She rushed eating half of her dinner in one go. “I can’t believe you could do such a thing!” “I wanted to win and Bon Bon just knew the right words to convince me! I need ideas to make up for my mistake.” “It’s obvious what you need to do! You must tell Sunset Shimmer the truth! …But then again, she wouldn’t believe Bon Bon is the snake I knew she was from the start! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!” She slammed the table mightily. “Nobody with those kind of weird eyes like hers can be an innocent cookie!” “Yeah… And that amazing body and pretty face is the work of the devil.” “She has such great legs as well! And her face is pretty, we can’t deny it!” “No… I suppose I can’t. And those firm-looking hips… it’s like an hourglass.” I said deep in thought. “And she isn’t that bad from the front either.” “She also has such a big, toned, well-rounded a-!” “As I was saying last time, Powder Sprinkle! Thomas Flurrystar is such a cutie, I can’t wait to date him next Sunday again!” A random college girl said while going to the exit with her friend. “Hers can’t be better looking than Sug’s! There is no way!” “I guess you are right… But it’s so damn close.” I said with lus- I mean, admiration. “Oh, Fickle Man, Fickle Man, throw your lust away!” I mumbled to myself. “Well, what’s done is done. Just don’t repeat it again, okay?” “For a moment, I thought you would be more mad at me.” “I am a little bothered but you are my friend in the end, and we both have helped each other every time we do stupid shit. Let’s finish our diner and get out of here, the little troll should be in the ‘command center’ of the orphanage. She will know how to make things right for you in an efficient way!” “Thanks.” “Hey, you are my brother, right? I have your back!” …. …. We looked for Sugarcoat the moment we went inside the building. We tried calling her but her phone was off. We were baffled to find out that she wasn’t in the room that the personnel from the institution gave to both schools as a kind of command center. Only Rarity, Lyra and Sunny Flare and friends from the academy were there. No trace of her was found within that room. We tried inspecting today’s work space but not even her scent could be smelled. As we were about to lose hope, Gilda remembered that the dining hall was available to us as well. As we got nearby the room, we could hear voices coming from the inside. We got a very bad feeling about it and we slightly opened the door and took a small peek. Sugarcoat was sitting in the farthest table of the hall and Indigo Zap was standing behind her. “I told you I wanted to be alone here, Zap. I’m busy right now.” Said Sugarcoat a little pessimistic. “Hey, please listen to me.” “No, Zap. You had your chance and you wasted it. My decision is final.” “I wasn’t skipping meetings and paperwork on purpose! I just was-!” “Wasting my time and partying hard with the enemy? The walls have ears, you know?” Zap sighed heavily with a tint of fright, even Gilda was surprised by that gesture. “Please, give them a chance! If you just spend some time with Rainbow Dash and company, we-!” “Look, I don’t care if you spend time with her during your free hours! I’m aware that some of us have friendships outside of our circles, I get it. Hell, even I have acquaintances outside of Crystal Prep. But skipping school responsibilities for a party? Give me a break! Not only that, you cancelled me all of the sudden for a secret training session with them when we already had a programed date of leisure. You even lied to me during our show down on the first day of the competition and several other instances as well. You are a good actress, I’ll give you that.” “It… it wasn’t on purpose. I wanted to-!” “You know how much I hate when people waste my time like that. And adding salt to the injury, you also know how seriously I take my schedule. I have priorities that I only reduce in time for a selected few, and you were one of those people. In a way, it wasn’t fair from your part to abruptly cancel me without explaining me the real situation of things. You could at least have told me that you wanted to go to Pie’s party and stuff. Now, you should consider leaving me alone. I have a headache and I’m unbearable in this moment.” One second? Two minutes? Three hours? I didn’t know. Time lost its grasp on me when Sugarcoat’s voice became drowned. In a way, I was hoping for Zap to get the hell out of there so Gilda and I could appear before our little friend and try to cheer her up through the fashion of doing some of her paperwork and buy her some cookies. Apologizing for hearing her arguing was a good idea as well. “Sugarcoat…” Zap was doubtful and fearful. “Are you jealous of them?” Sugarcoat slowly stood up and she faced Zap. “What… did you say?” There are many things you can do to Sugarcoat as her friend; you can annoy the hell out of her but be damn sure that she will strike you down when she can. You can laugh at her but expect a similar reaction when it’s her turn to do so. You can even harass and annoy her - without crossing the line of course - but by the Truth of the Universe is her vengeance and angry, mad and outrageous expressions hilariously funny to watch in high guilty pleasure levels. It isn’t funny when her eyes get teary and tries to put a strong face. Zap is a competitive and very competent athlete and has a big ego almost similar to Dash. Almost. She is strong willed, fast, way smarter than Dust, which, even if I dislike her, she isn’t a terrible student in reality… but Zap has always had a sweet and very passive, almost childish spot for Sugarcoat. As far as the gang and I know, our friend has been a kind of a sister figure and leader to Zap. That’s a lot to say for someone who is younger than her. Even if Dust deserved ‘exile’ from the school because of her street gang issues and her abusive ways in the academy, Sugarcoat managed to calm her down and maintained her student status safe for the sake of Zap alone. Zap’s body language quickly told us that she regretted saying her words. “Do you think this is a joke to me? Do you think that I don’t appreciate when you do something nice for me in any shape or form? D-do you…” Sugarcoat sniffed really hard that my chest ached with sorrow, same as Gilda. “Sorry, I caught a cold. Do you think that I don’t feel bad when a friend is putting me aside without even telling me what really is going on!? I may be a unbearable and bitchy pain in the ass but I’m still human.” “No! You are great friend! And I know I should have told you what I was doing and I am so sorry! I am really sorry! It’s just… we can’t deny what happened during the games anymore! For more unreal that it seemed, those are really nice girls and they are-!” “A cheap, petty, and unrealistic group of friendly-wanna-be cheaters and psychopaths! No more, no less!” Sugarcoat sat down on the chair and took her big thermoses from her bag. I could only guess that Reem gave her some tea since she only uses it for that alone. After giving it a long sip, she continued to work on her lap. “You can expend more time now with them if you want. Sour Sweet saw the light and she will gladly take your Second-in-Command status from you. You are free from my workload.” Sugarcoat suddenly said with a stoic voice. “WHAT!? You can’t do this to me!! I have been your second in command since the beginning of your promotion!” “Which you practically have done shit in the past several weeks. Your recent contributions are as useless as the promises of the gods, which are as useless as the gods themselves.” “I’ll work really hard to compensate everything I have leaved pendent!” “Moonlight’s blessing, stop with your nonsense! I need someone who is constant and willing to lose a few hours of fun to finish important paperwork. You no longer fulfill those demands.” “Oh, please give yourself a break once in a while, Sugarcoat! This competition is insane and unrealistic, and I know that you can see the truth! I know that you can see that what Cinch is asking from us is insane! We have the food, the gifts, the entertainment, the permits to make a bazaar for merchandise in the parks, confirming to the city hall that all the money generated will go straight to charity programs across the city, and she still says that it isn’t enough!? She is obsessed with winning at any cost, no matter how unhealthy it is!! After what happened during the games, and the things she did to several students like Twilight before, she has been the real psychopath all this time, and you know it!!” “Perhaps you are right, but that doesn’t mean that I must slack off when there is work needed to be done. Besides, there is no ‘magic’ and demonic winged lunatic actresses to worry about now! I understand you, the need to have a little fun and all that. Last weekend I spent time with some of the CHS acquaintances of Bittersweet and I had a good time actually… Almost!” She was embarrassed to say that. “Agh! Nitpick and Gilda are the real problem here! They have made you insanely competitive to the point of perfectionism! You were more prudent before! Why can’t you see that their ‘friendship’ is more hazardous than beneficial for you!? Both of them are complete jerks!” I knew that she wasn’t genuinely nice to me from the start! “Jerks!? My jerks can’t compare to the kind of sick mentality that your cousin has! And I’m always prudent, even in my attacks of fitting rage like now!!! They nurture MY needs, something that YOU have failed to do since they became part of the student committee, and they have compensated for your failures in less than a year!! They support me and never do stupid ass decisions like cheating or backstabbing!” “Crap…” I mumbled in fright while looking at Gilda. “She will be really mad at you when she hears what you have to say!” Gilda whispered. I was sweating big drops when I whispered with cold in my spine, “Hehe, she’ll give me a free pass, right?… right?” Gilda just clenched her teeth dubiously. “Sugarcoat…!” “Listen, Zap… And I know that you hate Bittersweet and Gilda for giving Dust such a bad time. Which she deserved, honestly. And I know as well when he annoyed Sour Sweet at every turn he had.” “Which is obnoxious from his part! I wouldn’t allow him to pester her with his jokes so I…!” “You what? ...No.” “I made some, huh, gossiping and such…” “…So what Bittersweet said was all true! You made those stupid gossips of him insulting her behind her back to separate them!” “…Yes.” “Zap, has Bittersweet ever poisoned your relationship with Dust?” “No…” “Then let me tell you something to your ear… ... …” “S-s-she is what!?” Zap almost shouted. “You didn’t know? It’s pretty obvious if you pay attention to them!” Sugarcoat continued. “Why do you think that Gilda once called them the Sweet-Sweet Duo!? And Sour Sweet is my friend as well and all but I know that she CAN be a real double-faced bastard and must be silenced once in a while… Her spot-on rants always makes me laugh, to be honest, though. Nevertheless, you instilled poison on them behind the scenes, that wasn’t a brave move.” “I didn’t know! And it wasn’t poison! I just told her that sticking with him would only hurt her reputation and… The old me really was nasty…” “Ever since you joined those Idol Six’s social group, you have become worse than nasty. You have become weak, unnecessarily sentimental, and useless.” “But Sugarcoat…” “MY REAL friends on the other hand have gained my trust, my complete willingness to do things their way when I fail in getting the answer right, and guess what? It actually works. Stupid fools, but how do I… Please go now and leave me in peace. I want to be alone right now… Too much to organize and I don’t want your incompetence to rub on me.” “…You’ll see, Sugarcoat!” Now Zap was the one sniffing. “You’ll see that our ways were wrong all this time! You’ll see that there is a better way to be fierce and competitive without being jerks to people! And when that day comes, I’ll come and help you like you have always helped me before… Wait for me until then. Just… Oh!” Zap was walking quickly to the door and we knew it was time to hide. Laying our backs on the side wall towards the dead end of the hall, we hoped that Zap wouldn’t notice us and go straight to the exit. We were lucky, and she went to the main hall… But I couldn’t help but feel a bit of anxiety when I spotted that her eyes were teary and reddish. “You know, Nit… Even if what she did wasn’t nice, somehow I feel bad for her now.” “Yes, I feel the same…” “Let’s go and try to cheer her up. Sug, that is.” She opened the door with a bit reluctance, and we got inside with soft footsteps. It was all in vain, for Sugarcoat quickly looked around and yelled, “I TOLD YOU NOT TO… Oh, it’s you.” She quickly grabbed a tissue and cleaned her face with it. “Sorry, it seems I’m gonna catch a cold so you should consider not getting close to me. Sit there, Heavensbane, I already prepared the report for Cinch and you must see if I missed something. Bittersweet, you will only get in the way of our work but since you can be useful as a kind of entertainment for us, you can stay with us as well.” “Ok, I’ll stay…” “What the hell is wrong with you today!? Blueblood mentioned that you looked gloomy but I didn’t think it was this bad. Even Heavensbane got like that as well. So… What’s wrong?” Asked Sugarcoat in a very inquisitive manner. “Nothing… I’m alright, just a little tired. I’m more worried about your cold.” “… …Nitpick Bittersweet… I haven’t invested my time, my feelings, and my trust to all of you to not recognize when something is wrong. If you need time, I get it, I understand… Just, talk to me when ready, ok?” “Sure.” We stayed still for several minutes, but it felt like an endless stream of time was passing through us and made it feel like years were passing before us. Sugarcoat was brushing her hair like she always do; first she fixed her right ponytail, then the left one, and finally, she arranged the one behind her head. She did it really slow, then, unexpectedly, she untied her silky and grayish hair. “You know, you once said that my hair was pretty, you two. That untying it would relieve some steam, set it wild… make me free… Truth shall free us, won’t it?” And then, I understood the meaning behind her words, and so did Gilda. And I started by saying, “We… heard everything… we were looking for you and the others when… It wasn’t our intention to hear your arguing with Zap. Forgive us…” “Yeah, Sug, it wasn’t intentional.” “Oh… Oh! And I believe it was very entertaining to hear me get mad, right!?” “What!? NO!” “Sugarcoat, if you want us to do anything to compensate for this, tell us and we’ll do it!” "Nit is right! Want us to do something for you?” “Here, let us help you finish the paperwork.” “I already finished it in the morning. Sour Sweet wanted to help me with the Champion responsibilities. You know, get extra credits and stuff, not that she need them in reality but she heard the rumor that Zap wasn’t helping me as usual and, well, she came and I accepted her help.” “Sug…” “So… everything is okay for us, right?” “…I already told you, we just heard your arguing and it put us moody.” “Yeah, Sug.” “Guys…” “Listen. Compared to you, no. I don’t have any problems.” “Bittersweet… Have I ever told you before that you are a bad liar?” Her face slowly assumed an angered expression. “It makes me sick, you know!? You have dead pan eyes!” “Why are you getting angry with me?” “I don’t like when people waste my time and trust. You should have leaved if you saw what was going on and didn't want to intervene.” “We didn’t want to abandon you but we didn't know if getting in there was the right thing.” “Then you’ll be glad to know that I don’t want to abandon you either and I'll get my nose in to do the right thing. Now tell me.” “I’ll tell you when you are in a better mood. You are too emotional right now.” “Tell me, I’m fine!” “Sugarcoat, please.” “TELL ME!! Are you deaf, you moron!?” I felt overwhelmed when she yelled at me with such furious face. She was sweating harshly as her breathing intensified. Not wanting to make her madder, I began telling her my petty problem. And from there, everything got worse. “So, let me get this straight. For a pretty face, you sold your dignity, your principles, your pride, and your rival’s possible well-being!? You are so stupid! No! You aren’t stupid, you are scum!” “…I’m sorry.” “Sorry? Sorry!? YOU BETTER BE SURE THAT YOU ARE SORRY! This clan of ours consist of insufferable yet prideful bastards, not filthy, abhorrent, and lousy cheaters!” “Sugarcoat, I wasn’t thinking straight and now that you know my silly problem, I was hoping-!” “To come before me and fix your problem?” “Yes, and no! Just give me an idea to right my wrongs and beat Shimmer fair and square!” “You don’t deserve my help.” “Why not!?” I asked perplexed. “Yeah, why not!?” Gilda was as confused as me. “You have fallen too low. This is beyond my field of expertise.” “Listen, you little… I suppose you are right… I’ll think about something on my own. For now, I’ll go home.” “…So you are not going to fight and you will stop trying to get a result?” There was a certain something in her tone that pissed me of. “What do you want from me!? You said you can’t help, so why I should be wasting our time now?” “Do you think you are a waste of my time?” “Yes, no. I don’t know, Ok!?” “You have become weak-willed as well. Get the hell out of my sight.” “I know that Zap put you on a bad time but it isn’t fair that you rub this on me like that!” “What is fair anyway? No matter how much you give, you never fully receive what you give. You never receive the same level of trust, dreams, friendships, loyalties!” “Are you saying that I haven’t delivered?” “You haven’t been yourself ever since you enrolled to CHS. Too feeble, too doubtful, and far too careless with your actions. Where is the aggressive and relentless Nitpick Bittersweet I met last year? You have done nothing but perform half-assed and stupid decisions lately!” “And this is the part where you are gonna tell me that I am nothing without you!” “No, you never needed me before. You and Gilda managed to turn the tide in your favor against everyone, including Cinch once, remember?” “I’m trying my best to do things the right way now!” “Really!? As far as I see it, the only thing you have done so far is lazing around and running away!” “I don’t-!” “I’M NOT FINISHED! You always said that one must always arrive earlier to a planned meeting because it’s the right thing to do! You always said that you must charge forward and face your problems without any shenanigans and crap because it’s the right thing to do! You always, ALWAYS, proved to me that you have a sense of honor in doing things the right way! And now that this Bon Bon offered you a cheap and enticing offer, you accepted it easily!?” Her tone became of ridicule. “You can’t face Sunset directly in a battle of attrition, you reduced yourself to a pathetic life form dependent of the petty resentments of a scheming girl! A blazing fool that had at least some kind of dignity and integrity reduced to a simple boot-licking dog! You are a puppet unworthy of my friendship! YOU ARE A FUCKING DISGRACE AS A MAN, SCUMBAG!!” Disgrace… That word didn’t stop resonating in my mind. I was feeling pathetic when I realized that I was been played like a fool in the morning. Now… I felt a lot worse. “Sugarcoat, that’s it, he doesn’t deserve this and you know it! It was just a little mistake and you are exaggerating everything, for God’s damn sake!!!” “A LITTLE MISTAKE!? Shut up, Heavensbane! I had, no, I have hopes for you. Very high but achievable high hopes for you four! Until now, we have come with ups and downs, rights and wrongs and we always did a fine job, and I know we can do it once again! YOU ALWAYS DELIVERED! YOU… you just need to try harder… Even if we lose, as long as we do it honestly… there will be no regrets.” “Perhaps Zap is right after all. Sug, love, you are so obsessed with clearing the school’s name that you are becoming insane! That goal isn’t worth it if you end up like this!” “And what more do I have left if I can’t have friends I can’t trust!? Becoming successful is the alternative I have now!” “You don’t really mean that…” Said Gilda with a sudden saddened face. “…Just …just leave me alone today. Please.” “Ok, we’ll leave. But be damn sure we are going to talk about this later! Come on, Nit! …Nit? I said come on!” “Yeah… Let’s go.” We rushed outside and Gilda closed the door tightly behind her. I could feel her raging mood surfacing from her skin and engulfing the surroundings, almost taking my breath. “Do not be angered, my mighty friend.” A nearby voice quickly soothed her mood. “Our intellectual friend had it hard recently and you know it.” “Oak… How much did you hear?” “From Nitpick’s tale and onwards. As the Prince of Equestria, I feel a little bad eavesdropping my friends.” “Don’t worry, Arbelth. We did the same a little while ago with Sugarcoat. She is mad at Zap, and now she is mad at me.” “You know that the Little Maiden tends to overreact in such things. Give her some time, you know she didn’t mean it. Besides, I too would use such tactics to defeat an enemy. In war, there is no room for hesitation in using any advantages you can get.” “Yes, Prince Blueblood… But this is no war, and she is right… I am a disgrace right now…” “Do not be too harsh on yourself, my beloved. My brother may be right, as spectacular as it sounds coming from me, but that kind of tactics does not suit you much. Perhaps, you just are in a stage of your life where you want to try new things and Miss Bon Bon satisfied that necessity with flying colors. Now, it is up to you to know what you want to do next.” “It’s obvious what I need to do! I must stop her!” “Are you sure of that? Come, let us respect the needs of our intellectual friend and leave this place. Tomorrow will be another day.” She continued her speech as we walked to the exit. “My beloved, it is not shameful to do this kind of things. If you remember correctly, I once tried to bribe you, and I thought I was right, and perhaps that tactic will be needed in the future. But that is my way, not yours.” “What are you getting at, Oak?” “My mighty friend, you heard her well. She has high hopes resting on us, and I am sure we share the same sentimental need for each other… but we must accept the fact that we believe in the paths we have chosen for ourselves. They may be really similar, but, there are tiny differences that makes them unique in the long run. Nitpick, in what you believe from the bottom of your heart? When you find the answer, ideas on how to make things right will flourish inside of you. And for that to happen…” I didn’t notice that we already were on the parking lot nearby, her black limo awaiting for her. She climbed up and sat comfortably on her seat, and when the doors closed and only her face was visible, she simply said with a soft smile, “You must be alone for a while. I will see you tomorrow.” She brought up her window and she departed, disappearing for the rest of the day. “I believe… my sister is right. I still say that such tactic shouldn’t bother you and the Little Maiden should relax more, but you are your own person, and so we are. Call me if you need anything.” “Arbelth, for you to be talking this serious… I don’t know what to say.” He patted my shoulders rather brotherly. “Tomorrow I will annoy you to compensate for today, but for now, I too will take my leave. Want a lift home?” “No, Nit and I will take the bus. You should go as well, Arb. Take care.” “It’s been a while since you called me like that, Gilda.” “Well, you aren’t being an ass so it was time to rust off the old nickname.” “Fair enough. Fare thee well… Oh, right! Before I go! I must tell you something, Nitpick.” “What?” “Miss Sparkle read to Meg a story… But there was something off about her.” “What do you mean?” “She was, no, she felt different somehow. I don’t know how to put it. When we were talking about the tale, at first sight she appeared to be thoughtful, and melancholic. But, before I left her side, she looked somber. Vicious. Prideful. Arrogant, even.” “Sparkle? Arrogant? Pfff, it must have been your imagination.” “I know about such things, Gilda. I see those attitudes every time I join my Father on the meetings of the country’s state of affairs. Something is wrong with her, I can assure it.” “At least I am not crazy, yet. I too feel that she has been acting odd lately. But, she is Twilight in the end. Whatever she has now, tomorrow she will be back to normal.” We said our farewells and took our separate paths. When the bus arrived to the suburbs, Gilda took off and told me that all will be alright soon. Hopeful that it was the case, I arrived home, took a cold shower and called it a day. But I couldn’t fall asleep as easily as I wanted to. Sugarcoat’s words resonated deeply in my conscience, and an image of Bon Bon’s vile smile manifested in my mind. I was feeling a little anxious… then I remembered that I haven’t taken my medication. No, I don’t want them! I don’t need them! After some thirty or forty minutes of trying on my own, I began to feel sleepy. I journeyed to the Land of Dreams. …. …. …. …. I felt that someone was caressing my hair. But I was too tired, too sleepy. I didn’t want to open my eyes. The caress become a pleasant gesture, it appeased me, yet, it stimulated me to wake up. It was… a warm feeling. “Wake up.” “No… gimme more time.” “Don’t be such a sleepy boy and open your eyes for a bit.” “Aww…” I slowly started to open my eyes. “But I want to sleep.” “You are like a sleepy kitty.” “I don’t like cats.” “But you were born under the star of the cat, almost at the end of January. Embrace it! Stretch a bit to wake up faster… Good! It wasn’t hard to stretch your body, right? Reinhardo, you haven’t eaten yet, so you must stand up now.” Her soothing voice whispered to my ear. I sat down properly but soon started missing my little nap. I noticed that all of my friends were playing in the park’s games, it was still break time. I saw that her skirt was filled with my drool and I tried to clean it with my shirt, but the mess got worse. “Oh, no! Mom will scold me again if she see this!” “Don’t worry, I have tissues in my bag! Everything is under control!” Sporty cleaned her skirt and my shirt, leaving them as spotless as possible. “There! Slept well?” “No. I had a nightmare.” “A nightmare? But you had the most restful face. Tell me about it.” “I was a grown up! I had a lot of friends, and teachers, and rivals… but you weren’t there!” “Oh, I wonder why.” She arranged her pretty purple hair, her twin ponytails and cute eyes were glimmering under the shiny dots of the sun. Granddad told me her eyes were Persian blue… they were so pretty, just like her. “Have any idea?” “I don’t know well. You had to leave for some reason… And that’s not all. I got into a fight with one of my friends. I did something awful to someone and that friend was mad at me because of it.” “Do you remember what did you do?” “I… cheated in a fight or something. And that friend said that it was cowardly of me.” “That doesn’t sound like you. The Reinhardo that I know is kind and just.” “But it felt so real… It felt so creepy…” “Perhaps it felt so real because dreams in a way mix your experiences with your imagination and create a whole new reality! Our dreams are but a reflection of our sense of self!” “Say what?” “We are what we do and think, Reinhardo.” She smiled tenderly. “Ah, right! It makes sense! But… I hope I don’t cheat ever. It must feel awful.” “It depends of the situation, but yes, cheating is awful.” “My Granddad said the same thing once. That sometimes we must make bad stuff… But I don’t believe in that. Cheating is a shortcut, not a fix! I don’t want to lose friends because of it!” “You have a lot of friends even if that happens. Sugar Belle, Lightbulb, Dancer, Night Glider, Double Diamond, Sunburst, and even the teacher likes you. We all like you.” “But losing friends means that we weren’t friends at all. Friends are supposed to support and help each other forever.” “I don’t think life works like that, Reindhardo. But I wish I had your confidence about it.” She giggled with a happy face. “They say that some friends can even fall in love when the right circumstances are overcome.” “Friends can fall in love? Like a mom likes a dad?” “Yes.” “How that happens?” “It happens when a friend becomes more than a friend. Perhaps it means that I love you, Reinhardo.” “We are more than friends?” I couldn’t help but feel warm and cozy in my head and chest. “I love you too. Whatever that means.” "I have an idea of what it means! I read it in a book! Close your eyes! Don't cheat!" "I won't!" She took my face with her hands and got it close to her. I experienced a really weird sensation that I couldn’t understand. Her lips were touching mine, like mom and dad and Knight Seiyamus and the Goddess do all the time. It was a little hard to breathe, but it felt cutey for some reason. When it was over, we separated again and I opened my eyes, her face was a bit red, but she didn’t lose her smile. Sporty always had a smile on her face. Sometimes it was small and lonely, and other times it was wide and colorful. I have never seen such a radiant smile from her before. “I read it in a book called Bluewall. The adults call it a lingering kiss, and they do it when they want to support someone special.” “It felt gross… but good.” “Hehehe! Yes, it was weird… and nice. Did the kiss make everything better?” “A bit… But what would happen if that dream becomes true, Sporty? That somehow makes me scared.” “Reinhardo, sometimes we can’t control the present that opens the path to the future. And eventually, the future becomes the past, and we can’t change it either, but we should embrace it and move on. If it becomes real, we must face it and not run away.” “You always say weird stuff that I don’t understand.” “It’s a kind of poetry, and one day I know that you will understand it. After all, you got better scores than me during last tests. You can be smart if you want.” “It was a lucky shot. I just studied way more to be smart like you. You are amazing and talented to me!” “It takes more than talent to defeat someone with real power. If you don’t work hard for it, then talent is useless, and the powerful remains powerful. But for one to squeeze our individual potentials, one must believe in something.” “Believe in something? What do you mean?” “What drives you to be more than you are now, is what I am talking about, Reinhardo.” “My drive? Do you mean what makes me do what I do?” “Yes!” She clapped happily. “That’s what I am talking about! The stronger the wish, the stronger your drive. The stronger the drive, the stronger your ambition. The stronger the ambition, the stronger your dedication. The stronger the dedication, the stronger your will.” “Well, I want to be an astronaut and sail across the stars!” “I too want to be an astronaut and sail across the sea of stars! They say that is so silent and pretty up there! Earth is but a tiny dot in the endless shiny spots of the Truth of the Universe! One day, let’s go together and become stardust in the Sea of Stars and leave this sad world behind forever! …But if we can’t become astronauts, then what’s left for us to do here?” “If I can’t do that, I want to be a white-collar worker, like my Granddad says! Dad doesn’t like the idea, though.” “Why? My caretaker says that they don’t earn well! Why don’t become something bigger like a mayor, or a president, or a dashing king?” “Me? A king? No way! You must be royalty to be one!!” “In my eyes, you are worthy enough.” “What do you want to do when you grow up if not an astronaut?” “I want to create a society where everyone can be equal.” “Society?” “Is a group of people who believe and fight for something under a single flag. Mine will be for a world of no discrimination of race, or religion… no horrible family to abandon you. Everyone can become happy in that world. Times are changing, and people change as well. Although technically, time is always the same, for it is a construct of our mortal perception to… In any case, that is why we must believe in something if people abandon you. Something to hold dear and make it a source of strength… I have the dream, but I don’t have such confidence to make it a reality.” “I for one believe in you, Sporty. I know you will always be with me, and one day you will fulfill your dream.” “…Really?” “Promise! You are so smart and strong!” “I’m not strong. I can barely pick up my backpack and do the cleaning at… home. And I’m not smart. If was smart, I would be an astronaut by now.” “Then one day you will be strong enough to beat anyone! You will punch, kick, jump, kick and do a super fist-three-kick combo and throw anyone to the wall and win, win, WIN!” “What are you doing!? It’s dangerous to jump on the bench, Reinhardo!” “Come on! Jump with me! I will not let go!” She quickly joined hands with me and jumped several times at my side me. It was fun. “Can I really win against anyone!?” “Yeah!” “Even win against you?” “Of course!!” “But you are so strong and resilient! The bravest I know!” “And? You said it yourself! Effort and all that! And you have too many talents to add to the list! You can beat me one day fair and square if you work hard for it! Yes way, I believe in you!” “That… makes me so happy for some reason! I… I too believe in you. If we ever become lost, let’s meet again here. I love this place.” “You betcha… you… I feel tired.” “It’s because you haven’t eaten yet. Here, our sandwiches.” “I don’t like sandwiches.” “Your mommy made them for us. I will eat them with you if you decided to eat them.” “Ok, I’ll eat them for you.” When we finished the sandwiches, I felt full and weak. “I feel sleepy now.” “You are so silly. Come, sleep in my lap again.” I rested my head on her legs. “Feel comfortable?” “Yes… I’m still scared, though.” “What can I tell you so you can sleep again?” “…That you will be my friend forever.” “I will be your friend forever and more… Now…” She gave me a kiss in my forehead. “Sleep… Good night, Nitpick.” “Good night... Starl-…” …. …. …. …. “Starl- … … … …?” I was in a dark place, the only source of silver light coming from the window. Under further observation, I noticed that I was in my room. I felt funny in my face, and I realized that a small tear came down from my eye, my hands soon reached my face and rubbed it gently. I sat on the edge of my bed and I checked my phone to notice that it wasn’t even nine in the evening and that drove me a little insane. I stood up and like if someone was guiding my body, I started searching on my closet for a box that held something as special as my Grandfather’s tac-shirt. I almost forgot about it, and the little notebook that was inside of it. I carefully opened it from the first page, and I couldn’t help but chuckle whenever I read a page of my lousy tries to explain a day of my life. What kind of child has a diary in this day and age? I stopped at a certain page that ignited my curiosity. My younger self loved to write whatever crap he thought it was cool. So, it wasn’t a surprise to see that half of the written pages of my diary was about her. Love poems that will never be finished without her, dreams that can no longer become a reality without her. My first, innocent love. I once told everyone that I have never read a book before. Of course, that was a lie. How could I have aced my tests if I hadn’t studied day and night to the point of obsession and determination? A lie… to myself. The memories were flooding my mind, like if thousand images and sounds united their dots and formed a little film of memory lane. Yet, those memories were blurry, like if they wanted me to remember it all, and at the same time, trying their best to make me forget. I couldn’t read my diary, not here in my room, at least. There was another, more appropriate place where I needed to read it. …. …. It was cold in the town I call home. The public lights were lit with a smooth luminosity that put the night at bay, but not fully. There were more than one hundred dots of lights between the shadows of the night, and somehow I felt comfortable walking between both worlds. After several minutes of walking and getting bored at seeing my own breath taking form of mist in front of me, I finally reached the blench that was calling for me. It’s been a while since I sat here with this diary of mine. Back then, Sporty was with me almost every day. I remember telling Sunset that I usually don’t bring people I know here with me. Now I remembered the reason for it. The Starry Mountains Park was my tomb of the failed expectations and unrealized dreams that I wanted to bury on my own. I read the part that picked my interest, and it was fitting. Dreams work in a very prophetic manner sometimes, for the recent one reminded me of this particular entry. I don’t know if I should be afraid or amused, but my words were about my current dilemma, and how cool and level-headed she was to me while explaining things that was beyond my level of comprehension at that age. Perhaps my memory fails me, and I am only glorifying my days with her, after all, the first time is always the strongest memory you will have about something. But the moment was real, and so too was my fear. The first kiss of an innocent love that I must not forget. Perhaps Sugarcoat was right. I was losing something important without I even noticing for petty reasons; my own self. How can I even think of teaching someone about self-respect and honesty if I couldn’t do it for myself? It felt weird acknowledging that my younger self had more balls to do things recklessly but with a deep sense of integrity at hand and without holding back. But people grow and realize that sometimes a more intelligent approach is better. But if my younger self could see all the things I did recently, could I even look at me face to face? I have made a lot of ups and downs, some I won’t regret at all like scolding Pinkamena’s bothersome personality and being a kind of a jerk in the academy, others I have learned well, like appreciating a bit more life with Fluttershy and being a bit friendlier to people like Soarin and Melody. Then, it comes the regrets. Even if they seem minuscule now… What Bon Bon will truly do is what scares me the most. No matter how do I look at it, what I did is no different from the actions of Dust as a corrupt Champion Leader, or Wind Rider and his blackmailing operations. I was helping a vengeful woman to fulfill her dream of having revenge against an enemy that perhaps stopped existing years ago. What should I do when my friends can’t help me now? What should I think when my own thoughts betray my principles? What should I fight for if I have lost my way? What would she think of me… if she saw me like this? ‘Disgrace.’ Sugarcoat’s voice filled me with despair. She said that I must believe in something. Then in what I believe now? Do I even believe in something that holds me together? What should I do? Who the hell I am now? What I am fighting for? In what should I believe? … … “Nitpick, is that you?” As I raised my head, a bright beacon of light approached to me. Her radiant and fiery long hair free like the wind, her beautiful figure as elegant as a goddess, and her mature expression that soothed my tired eyes was like a kind of a blessing. Sunset Shimmer sat close to me, smiling vividly with coruscating eyes. “Hey, Sunset. What are you doing here?” “I just needed fresh air and I decided to visit this spot that you introduced to me last time." She breathed the fresh air of this park. "This park is so... peaceful! You know, I couldn’t sleep…” Her smile suddenly disappeared. “What’s wrong? You look gloomy since morning.” “Eh?” “Well, I thought it was my imagination before, and when I asked Twilight about it, she said that you looked fine. But then Rarity saw you in the afternoon and she confirmed me that you had opaque eyes… You have opaque eyes.” “Oh… nothing. I just feel… tired.” “Also… there is this rumor that sparked a few moments later when you left Rarity’s attention… Did you, by any chance, hear an infighting in the orphanage?” “So, walls have ears, huh?” “And a loud voice… People nearby didn’t understand very well but they swear that they could hear Sugarcoat’s voice echoing in the halls. Thank goodness nothing bad happened and we weren’t scolded. Do you know what made her mad?” “You are looking at it.” “What? …Did something happened between you two?” She asked concerned. “If… If you want… I could help you with your friendship problem.” “I don’t need… I don’t think I deserve your help.” “Why not? We have been in very good terms recently…” She put herself comfortable and rested her head on my shoulder. “Very good, to be honest.” Because I have given you too much troubles… Perhaps in the future, but not today.” “That sounds like something nearby.” “You really are confident that I will confide in you a little more.” “Just a bit… Now let me rest, I’m finally getting sleepy for some reason.” “You couldn’t sleep as well?” “No… I couldn’t… Twilight worried me today.” “What happened?” “She didn’t tell you? She had a sudden and horrible headache when she went home to leave Spike there. We planned with her to go to a café that Rarity wanted to visit since last month. Le Magnifique Panini… Never go there. Too expensive and fancy, even Pinkie felt overwhelmed. At least we had fun. Mostly Rarity, anyway.” “I see. Is Twilight better now?” “Yes, but still… Maybe it’s just my imagination. She just had a bad headache. Hey, what is that?” “Ah, this? My old diary.” “Oh, how cute! I think you already know but I have a diary as well!” “Ah, yes, the book-like monstrosity.” “Hey! It has enough space for one thousand more entries!” “Mmm, right.” “Did you suddenly wanted to write something in there? Sometimes it’s really fun doing that and makes your ideas flourish.” “In my case, the ideas go away. When I write, I tend to jot down everything my mind came up with and don’t bother reviewing it. But not today. I just remembered something that put me in a very nostalgic mood. ” “And what is that?” “An old entry, an old poem, and an old memory of someone special to me. If they could see me right now, what would they think of me? My younger, foolish, but braver self… Alright, you win. I’ll tell you a bit about my misfortune.” “Why don’t we go to a café I know nearby and talk about it? It’s clean, nice, twenty-four hours open, and most importantly, cheap.” “Now you are speaking my language.” …. …. It was a tidy and clean café, a healthy number of clients were there, considering the hour. Night shift workers from the suburbs, the average couple who lost the sense of time, and there was us. When we got ourselves comfortable in a sofa with our cups of hot chocolate in the table nearby and a long slice of cake for both beside them, I continued the conversation. “Well… How should I start? Sunset… if I told you that I was helping someone that hates you and wants to defeat you so hard during the competition, would you believe me?” She hilariously spurted her drink, then she laughed as she was cleaning her mess. “I believe I think where this is going, but go on!” “I’m being serious here!” “I know, please continue.” Her expression became mellow. “Look, I tried… I was… Certain someone and I joined forces to… defeat you and tried to… crush you.” I can’t believe I am being this hesitant. The old me from would have said it and be done with this crap. “I knew it! Somehow I knew it was something like this! No wonder things were a little harder during the competition and the alumni on the school. Ok, since it has come to this, then let’s start over and give us a new beginning, friend.” “Wait… That’s it?” “Yeah, sure!” “You are not angry or desire compensation for what I did?” “I want compensation, but not the kind you expect. I forgive you, Nitpick!” My jaw dropped with that statement. “I know what it feels to want to defeat someone and put aside any kind of integrity one could have to do a nasty thing. You know, before I became friends with Twilight’s, uh, cousin, I tried to set her up and win the Fall Formal! Not the best moment of my life but I learned that my actions weren’t right. You at least haven’t hurt anybody, and I am glad you are taking the first steps to change for the better.” “Somehow I feel we had this conversation before.” “During our first date and some weeks later as well. But the circumstances were different. Now, you are becoming more like us.” “What!?” “I‘m glad that you confessed that you were making my life a bit harder behind the scenes and want to make things right from now on.” “Yeah… I shouldn’t have listened to Bon Bon in doing this cheap approach. I want to defeat you as a representative fair and square!” “Sugarcoat. The name you wanted to say is Sugarcoat.” “…Huh!?” “She is the one that convinced you to make this, right? Putting the students against me and making them a bit volatile. I know you have your loyalties to your friends in Crystal Prep but it’s obvious to me now that Cinch must be behind of this and using students’ relationships to harm all of us in the long run, and Sugarcoat being the most prideful student she has, well, you know. I mean, she is a little mean and competitive, but it’s okay. I know you will patch things up soon. I can help if you want to do the right thing in the right way with her.” “Sugarcoat would never cheap herself like that.” I said a bit furious. “She would rather lose than do something so humiliating. And I’m telling you the truth. Bon Bon is the one who is behind everything and I, like the stupid fool I am, did as she said.” “Oh, stop! You are messing with me!” “No!” “Look, I know there is a rumor circling around the school that you and Bon Bon are a kind of a… you know!” She made a heart with her fingers. “Even Thunderbass was talking about with Lyra, which Rarity overheard while walking to our table during breakfast! Perhaps that’s why you said her name instead of Sugarcoat’s” THUNDERBASS, YOU IMBECILE OF A ROMEO!!! “SHE IS NOT MY DAMN GIRL!” “SHH!” The attendant of the store expressed, making me embarrassed. “Sorry! Sorry!” Oh, I’m so ashamed. “Look, she may have a lot of good physical traits I like but she isn’t my type in the end… not anymore.” I said in hiss. “W-why not?” She was curious. “Because is like I told you! She is a manipulative girl! You should be careful with her, she hates you for crying out loud!” “Look.” She said in a very serene and understanding tone while grabbing my hand. “I know what is like to feel anger when people disappoint you. You try so hard to blame them that you blind yourself to facts. Once, Princess- I mean, Principal Celestia and I had a fallout and I blamed her for everything that happened to me, that she didn’t give me what I thought I deserved, I even cursed her name sometimes. Then, you realize, that the one who is to blame is none other than one’s self. So I understand if you want to bad mouth someone like this. But this isn’t the way. Besides… Bon Bon is a nice, understanding, and pretty girl. She is a little more outgoing and I can see that she… could complement your quirks.” Said she rather apprehensive. “Sunset, let me tell you three reasons why what you say is nonsense. One; she is a manipulative brat, whether you believe me or not. Two; even if she wasn’t a cold and scheming girl, she still lacks one thing that would make me fall for her completely. And three; the only person who is so close to the ridiculously high and unrealistic standards I have for a woman right now is you, you, and only you.” I took my cup of chocolate and almost finished the thing, then I took a big chunk of the cake and enjoyed it. It was pretty good. “I tell you, Bon Bon is an evil brat that hates you! She resents you for the woman you once were! You know, the evil ‘magical monster’ you were and crap! I have dismissed that silly claim with Sugarcoat’s video, to be honest.” I felt terrible again all of the sudden… Ughhh… Sugarcoat… “I-I don’t believe it.” “Proof. I need proof to convince you that I am telling the truth. Let's start from the beginning!” I told her everything. Her goals, my purpose in them, who she convinced, who she gathered to join me. Hell, I even told her about my confession to Soarin and Thunderbass. As I continued my tale, my tongue lost it's strength gradually as I saw her face. Then, I stopped before I mentioned Twilight's disaster. It was of not use. She had a face of understanding. A face of forgiveness. A face that didn't believe shit of what I said. "You don't believe me..." "Yeah, I believe you, but I still think you are covering for Sugarcoat. I could see the honesty in your eyes but I know when people are lying in some details!" You are really bad at this. “No matter what you say, I trust in Bon Bon… and I trust in CHS. I trust that I can change the hate of those who still resent me to something better.” Her eyes were straight, honest, and passionate. “I believe in them.” “I understand... Anything you need, call me. It’s the least I can do to compensate the asshole I have been.” “Thanks… And watch your language, please.” Her face was reddened all of the sudden. Perhaps, drinking a hot cup so quickly was a bad idea for her. We stayed silently together from then onwards. She was checking her mails and doing some kind of guide in her phone, and I was thinking about my disgraceful situation and that I couldn’t convince Sunset that Bon Bon was part of her problems, and it was thanks to me. She briefly commented that she had a part time job as math tutorial creator online, but besides that, nothing out of the ordinary happened between us. A few minutes later, I started to play on my phone. We were just there sitting quietly while doing our stuff. To our surprise, we ended up leaving at two in the morning. …. …. “Thanks for escorting me back home.” “You live nearby mine, and I couldn’t leave you alone at this hour.” “Ponyville is a safe town where you don’t have to worry about bad things.” “Yes… This town is full of green and hope.” “And here we are. Home, sweet lent home. Did I tell you that this was Vice-Principal Luna’s old storage room?” Oh, beautiful Vice-Principal… NO, STOP! “Wow.” “Yeah! It’s pretty spacious and I’m grateful for it.” “Where are your parents?” “Ah… In Equestria.” “What part of the country?” “Mirror… Mirror City! Just like Princess Twilight!” “That’s two days away from here! How your parents trust you enough to allow you to live here on your own!? Even mine call me at least twice a week to know if I haven’t burned down the house!” Sunset rubbed her elbow a little uncomfortable. “Y-you know! Princess- Principal Celestia and I have known each other for a long time and, hahaha, my parents know her! Besides, they trust me enough to make the right choices!” “Sure.” “Hey! It’s true!” “When was the last time you spoke to them?” “Four yea- weeks ago.” “Oh… … Did you have a fight with them?” “No… Everything is ok. How are your parents?” “Fine. Mom began giving cooking classes. She likes to adorn her work with pastel pencils. Obviously she is careful enough to not combine food with lead and such. Father got a promotion, again. And my lil sis just won a drawing contest! Oh, the pride feels real!” “That… That sounds amazing!” “Yeah! They may overreact a little too much from time to time, but, you know, you can’t keep away from the family that raised you and took care of you. My Grandfather also… … Forget it, you know what I mean.” “I hope to give my family a visit soon. Know how they are and have… a good time, I guess.” “You’ll see it will happen.” “Ok… I guess, this is goodbye for now.” “Yeah…” “Take care, then…” “You too…” I don’t know why, but we couldn’t stop looking at each other. There is an innocence in admiration, recognizing that someone is better than you. No matter how much you try to deny it, there is always a certain someone who shows you what you could become if you never lose sight of what you want. It’s a desire to continue pursuing the thing you want to achieve. It took me a while to notice it, but Sunset has that drive that I once had with Sporty. “Sunset Shimmer, I need to ask you a question. Something personal.” “Sure. Ask me.” “Why are you so strong?” “…Excuse me!?” “Why are you trying so hard to change the tide of the student’s lingering ill feelings towards you? There is nothing more you can do, you have proven yourself that you are better than before. Why keep struggling? It's their problem now, not yours! Why did you forgive me so easily even I gave you bad shit time during our first date and onwards, and even told you many times that all what you fought for is nonsense!? Why...? Why are you so strong when facing this? Why is it so hard to look at you? Why you stir in me the need to keep fighting for something when I don't have anything to fight for anymore!?” I clenched my fists and closed my eyes with inner-anger. "It's so frustrating to know that you are someone unreachable... Just like her..." She looked at me in stupefaction at first, then she rested her forehead on the wall with a tiny smirk and sighed with a shade of uncertainty. She breathed deeply, having found an answer in her reinvigorated sight. Finally, she retook her composure and simply said to me to the face, “Because redemption is in what I believe.” No more was said from her lips. It wasn’t an spectacular answer, nor it was complex or poetic. It was just a simple sentence of seven words that had the causality of having the most deep and meaningful feelings I have ever heard. They resonated deep within me. Stirring me. Filling me with something I needed to remember. To believe in something is obtaining a result through sheer will. “You know, maybe you are still confused about may things; who are your friends, which people harm you the most, and others realities surrounding you, but let me tell you something. As long as you want to change or have a shot to redemption, know that you are not alone. I believe in my classmates, I believe in my friends. And now, I… I believe in you once again. I truly believe you can do great things!” “…!” Have… have you ever felt the longing wish for someone you could admire? Have you ever found a reason to try again? Have you ever desired to break the chains that you put on yourself for the sake of an effortless existence? If Sporty looked at me now she would never forgive me if I gave up and do nothing. Even if I need to triple my efforts, I won’t allow Sunset to fall. It’s not a fix to my will issues, but it isn’t a shortcut either. It’s a little patch that mends me until I find a true goal to believe for myself alone. But for now, she gave me a reason to believe in something. I believe in her dedication. I believe that her past mistakes have become just a memory. I believe in her strength. I believe in her. “Your eyes!” Sunset said cheerfully. “Call me crazy but I could swear that they had a shade of gold in them for a moment!” “It’s your imagination, but I feel better hearing your answer. I’ll see you at school in a few hours.” “Take care, and good night, Nitpick.” “Good night, Sunset.” She got inside her home really quick, and I eventually reached my bed. Even if she doesn’t believe me, I’ll fight the last true remnant of her past life behind the scenes. I feel the flames of passion that I once had coming back to life inside of me. My name is Nitpick Bittersweet, seventeen years old. I am your average teenager with average looks, and average talents, who always chases after the truth in one way or another. And I won’t allow Bon Bon to win.