Rainbow Dash dropped her drink. Her mouth fell open with it. Did Adagio just shake her hips at her when she left the cafe? She winked too and made an obscene gesture. Was Rainbow Dash in over her head with this girl? Maybe. She didn’t care.
Pinkie Pie rolled onto her back on the cafe’s booth seat they were sitting on. Her laughter was as boisterous as ever. Between snorts and giggles she got out an “I guess that means you’re busy tonight.”
The record-breaking athlete gulped and kept staring at the door that her new girlfriend had left through. Those lips, those breasts, those hips, those big round…
Applejack rolled her eyes as she picked up the drink from the floor and used a napkin to wipe up what spilled. By some miracle, the top failed to pop and so only some of the soda leaked. “Never would have guessed the two of you would have a go at it,” AJ remarked as she seated herself again.
“I’m soooo laid,” Rainbow finally changed her stare into a dopey self-satisfied smile. Her gaze snapped back to Applejack as she ignored the still chuckling Pinkie. “I mean, Twi and Sunset goaded me into it but-”
“But?” Applejack raised her brow and ignored the crass attitude. Rainbow was usually crass. Especially since she entered the pro soccer league.
“Exactly!” Rainbow hit her fist on the table, sending her fries all over the tray upon it. “That butt! I mean, daaaamn.”
“Hey,” Pinkie finally interjected, determined to still be a part of this meet-up of the three of them. Well, it had included Adagio as well but she had to get back to work. “What’s wrong with my butt?”
“Dagi’s got twice the cargo, Pinks,” Rainbow deadpanned. “No contest. I mean, how the hell does she even get into those jeggings? They must be oiled up or something!”
Applejack facepalmed. She had taken a break off the farm to spend time with some old friends and this was what they were going to talk about? Oiled jeggings and voluminous rear ends? “Y’all goin’ to change the subject or do I need to get back to pickin’ apples? How the hay did you two even meet?!”
“Hello Tropics,” Rainbow answered without hesitation and a miffed tone. “I’ve gone with Twi and Sunset before, remember? That’s where Dagi works. Were you not paying attention when she mentioned it like not even two minutes ago?”
“No. Because I was too busy tryin' to get you to look at her face when the two of you were talkin’. I swear, you’ve turned into the biggest horndog perv I’ve ever seen.”
“Ooooooh!” Pinkie got starry-eyed. “I love corndogs!”
“I said horndog!!” AJ practically barked.
The three of them got an evil look across the cafe from Mrs. Cake. They were, after all, not the only ones in the cafe. Applejack winced at herself for it.
“You know what I think, AJ?” Rainbow narrowed her eyes and pointed a fry at her friend. “I think you’re just jealous that I’m hooking up with more ass than you’ve ever had at the farm.”
“We’ve got three donkeys at Sweet Apple Acres, thank ye’ kindly!” Applejack countered with a rising voice again.
Pinkie just snorted in laughter again. “Ass,” she laughed to herself.
Rainbow’s grin came back and even morphed into a smirk. “I get it now. You’re irritable because Rarity hasn’t been giving you any lately. Sorry to turn you down, AJ, but I’ve already got twice my fill of hot angry sex this week.”
That was the straw that broke the pony’s back. Applejack stood up so fast, her chair opposite the booth seat went crashing backwards. She gripped Rainbow over the table by the collar and pulled the girl up with her. “I’ve put up with a lot o’ bull from you, sugarcube! But y’all don’t say nothin’ about me and Rarity’s private lives!”
“AHEM!” Mrs. Cake called out gruffly from the counter. She was slapping a spatula in one hand as if it were a baseball bat and she were ready to break a few necessary parts of human anatomy.
“Uh...” Applejack’s grip on Rainbow loosened as she started to realize everyone in the cafe was looking at her and the place was dead quiet.
“Perhaps you two can continue outside,” Mrs. Cake ordered firmly and pointed with the spatula for them to leave.
“Y’all are the reason we got kicked to the curb!” Applejack shouted at Rainbow as they walked down the street towards the park. The farmer slapped her hat on the side of her leg in anger.
“You’re the one that was jerking me around, AJ!” Rainbow crossed her arms and kept her face all screwed up in a scowl.
“Ohohohohoh,” Pinkie bounced merrily along. “I can fight too! Look look look!” she shouted in glee as she walked backwards in front of them and made a bunch of exaggerated angry faces. They just wound up looking more silly than intimidating. It was more like she was trying to amuse a couple of babies.
“You’ve been pushin’ my buttons ever since you hitched up with this here siren!” Applejack nearly grabbed Rainbow again. They took the walk signal at the intersection to cross the road and enter the park across the other side.
“I’m not pushing anybody’s buttons!” Rainbow argued and her face expressed that she really believed it. “You just have a problem with me being happy when you’re not!”
Applejack turned her fierce look from Rainbow to Pinkie as the athlete picked a picnic table for them to sit at and finish their meal they had taken with them. Pinkie was skipping across the plush park grass to take a seat on the other side of the table, but she did catch AJ’s plea for assistance.
Pinkie shrugged. “Dashie’s always been like this, Applejack,” she commented casually and grabbed her cherry turnover out of the to-go bag Rainbow had carried for them.
“A foul-mouthed braggart and lecher?” Applejack glared.
“Lechers don’t have girlfriends,” Rainbow sat down, stuck her nose up, and splayed her hands out as if she were an innocent angel.
If Twilight were present then she might have argued about the transformative usage of language and historical definitions. But she wasn’t there so Pinkie just giggled once more and mentioned something about “Rainperv Dash” that neither of her friends caught.
“You know, AJ,” Rainbow frowned and munched a few more fries out of the bag, “I thought I could talk about whatever because we’re supposed to be friends and I thought you appreciated things like big racks.”
“What in tarnation gave you that idea?” Applejack finally took her own apple turnover from the bag. It wasn’t as good as the ones her family made back on the farm but she forgot to pack one earlier.
“Really?” Rainbow turned unimpressed. “Rarity’s stacked. She may not have anything on Dagi – especially backstage – but I figured you went for that sort of thing.”
At last, Applejack seemed to cool down a notch. Perhaps it was Rainbow’s slightly less annoying tone or her attempt to appeal to their sense of shared friendship. Or perhaps AJ finally remembered how best to handle her old friend outside of fisticuffs.
“I have my preferences,” Applejack shifted her lips against each other as she struggled to decide what words she wanted to let out next. “Rarity does too. We just need time to settle our feelin’s.”
Rainbow let it go. “Yeah, I get you. Not like getting with Dagi didn’t make me feel...complicated.”
“Oh?” Pinkie broke from her cherry treat in curiosity.
However, Rainbow’s smirk returned. “I got over it pretty quickly, though. Because I remembered that, even if she used to be a power-crazed monster, I could totally take her down.”
“Let me guess,” Applejack deadpanned. “Take her ‘down’ as in goin’ down on her.”
Pinkie spoke half-muffled while chewing the last bite of her snack. “That’s what she said.”
“I’m surprised you even know that much lingo,” Rainbow chuckled, the mood permanently lightened.
“Just because I don’t live in the city, don’t mean I’m stupid,” AJ rolled her eyes. “A smidgen of manners don’t have to make a gal a prude.”
“Well, anyways,” Rainbow droned on. “I’m pretty sure I could set up all my trophies on Dagi’s ass and they wouldn’t fall over. It’s like a shelf back there!”
Great, Applejack facepalmed again. They were back on this subject.
“OH! I want an asshelf!” Pinkie shouted out in eager joy and hope. “Oh! I just invented an amazing new word! Asshelf!! Say it with me, AJ! Asshelf! Asshelf! Asshelf!”
Applejack facepalmed so hard that she nearly knocked herself out.
“Is there any reason,” Adagio grumbled to her regular visitor and newly titled girlfriend, “that I got a pink letter in the mail asking what I eat every day to get such a huge ass?”
Rainbow was relaxing on a beanbag cushion before Adagio’s large TV. She was playing the latest video game she had fallen in love with and doing so in the relaxing confines of her curvy girlfriend’s cool high-end air-conditioned resort apartment. There was even a spectacular night-time view of the lit-up resort walks and bay out of the nearby window.
“Dash!” the siren knelt down in front of Rainbow to block her view of the screen.
Rainbow groaned and hit the pause button on her controller. “Probably just Pinkie being Pinkie.”
Since it was already night and Adagio had about an hour before she had to get to sleep for work in the morning, she had on a loose pair of pajamas. Silk purple with triangle patterns on them that she somehow gravitated towards in her fashion choices. She tossed the letter behind her.
“You told one of your little friends that I had a huge ass?” Adagio stared hard.
“Oh, not just one of my friends,” Rainbow wiggled her brows and put the controller aside.
The stare turned half-lidded as the siren pushed Rainbow back on the beanbag and got on her hands and knees over the girl. “You’re in so much trouble, Rainbutt.”
Sensing the fake intimidation in her girlfriend’s voice and predator eyes, Rainbow smiled. “Next time I’ll have to brag about your ginormous boobs.”
“That’s not even a word, idiot,” Adagio flicked her girlfriend’s nose.
Rainbow flinched but took the opportunity of Adagio’s lack of balance to topple the girl over and get on top. “Don’t care,” she took on Adagio’s bedroom gaze. “They’re all mine anyways!”
“You suck,” Adagio made a gagging motion.
“And so much more,” Rainbow wiggled her brows again.
“Perv.”
“You love me,” Rainbow dropped herself an inch above the other woman’s lips.
Adagio only got two more words out before Rainbow kissed her deep.
“I know.”