Floof!
I slammed my head against the table as my so-called friends laughed at my expense.
“Ha ha. Alright, which one of you jerks slipped sugar into my lunch this time?” I demanded.
Sarah raised her hand with an oh-so-smug look on her face before she pushed her own lunch towards me. I pushed my spiked lunch to her in return. I should have realized what she was up to the moment I noticed she was eating the same thing as me.
“That’s another point for me, Tim. Better step up your game if you want to even the score,” she said with a giggle.
And now I would have to deal with a fluffy pink horse tail coming out of my butt for the rest of the school day.
Hey! What did we tell you about calling us horses? reminded Pinkie in my mind.
I rolled my eyes at my ‘body mate.’
I said we had the tail of a horse, not that you are one, Pinkie, I answered.
Oh. OK then! declared Pinkie.
I just sighed as I started eating my lunch. The sound of my tail popping out of my spine had gotten me a few looks around the cafeteria as usual, but everyone already knew what that sound had been, and who had made it. There were a few giggles, but for the most part no one cared.
Not that I blame them. It’s really hard to take a guy seriously when he has a pink tail. Once again, I found myself wondering what I did to deserve this.
Werewolves turn into mighty beasts when they are exposed to the light of the full moon.
Werefish, aka mermaids, become beautiful creatures of the sea when they touch water.
Wereponies turn into brightly colored cartoon equines when they eat too much sugar.
Guess which one I am.
I made it home fine, though my tail started twitching almost as soon as I closed the front door.
Twitchy tail! Twitchy tail! Pinkie unhelpfully announced.
I rolled my eyes.
“Mom! The rack’s about to fall again!” I yelled to the kitchen.
A moment later, there was a loud crunch, though the lack of silverware clanging on the floor told me she’d caught the hanging rack in time.
“Thanks, sweetie!” called my mom.
I just shook my head and made my way to my room.
One of these days we’re going to have to convince mom to replace that old thing, I thought.
Yeah. Somepony could get hurt one of these days, replied Pinkie.
Pinkie may be a goof, but she takes her kitchen care very seriously.
Why thank you! She said.
I still don’t know how she does it, but she managed to hug me despite only being a voice in my head.
The moment I stepped into my room, my cell phone went off. The super sugary chime that played could mean only one thing. I pulled out my phone and read the text message.
Code 3. Line 4. - Dusk
No werepony gets to decide who they host, let alone whether they become one in the first place. And as the werepony to carry Pinkie Pie, I had gained new responsibilities in addition to having to wear custom pants with tail holes.
At least I got paid for having to give up my body so often.
Pinkie, why does Twilight still bother with these stupid codes? It’s not like any of you are government secrets or anything, I asked.
I think it’s because of that one creepy guy who tried to date her. You weren’t part of the family yet. Trust me, it was ugly, answered Pinkie.
Shaking my head, I booted my computer up. Code three meant that it was a something urgent, but not necessarily dangerous. Line four meant that we would discuss it on our private phone line, the PPN.
You want me to do the talking? asked Pinkie.
It might just be a situation update. I don’t want to waste a cube if it’s nothing we need to act on, I replied.
And the fact that you still don’t like letting me out to play isn’t a factor? She asked.
OK, first of all, every time you come out you throw a party. A party that results in you eating so much sugar that it takes days for me to come back. I have a math test coming up, and we both know how miserable it is for both of us if you have to sit through my classes, let alone take my test for me, I argued.
Not every time! I’ve been getting better about my sugar intake. I only ate one cupcake last time, countered Pinkie.
Second, yes, I’m still uncomfortable with letting a hyperactive pink pony take control of my body. Seriously, how do you stand just watching your host control you all the time? I asked.
I’ve had a few hundred years to come to terms with it, Timmy. You can get used to anything with that much time. And the trick is learn how to go with the flow, and not think about it too much, answered Pinkie.
I just sighed and turned toward my now loaded computer. A few clicks later, the PPN chat room was open.
Unsurprisingly, there were four open windows. Two showed ponies, two showed humans.
“Sup, Tim!” said the British woman with rainbow hair. As I watched, blue pony ears pushed their way out of her mane. This did not bode well for my humanity.
“I’m fine. I take it this is about a new assignment?” I asked.
I should mention that none of us were speaking English then. One of the perks of being a werepony was that all of us were fluent in Equish. This was especially useful as only three of us were from English-speaking countries.
“Indeed. Best start turning right away,” said the Chinese man as his hair started turning purple.
With a sigh, I got up, undressed, and grabbed my box of sugarcubes. While I could probably just use candy for my transformation, I’d long since discovered that processed sugar doesn't always cut it. It has to be genuine sugarcane, not that artificial stuff. Using sugarcubes may not taste as good, but it always made the switch smoother.
“So, what is it this time? Rescue mission? Exploring ruins? Some government plot we need to expose?” I asked as I popped a few cubes into my mouth.
“Those would be a case two at the least. This is a relatively low-stake matter, but it’s something that we’re all going to have to get involved with,” answered Twilight.
“Long term or short term,” I asked.
With a soft pop, I felt my hair start fluffing into Pinkie’s crazy curls.
“Long term. We’re headed to South America,” answered Applejack.
Nodded in acknowledgement, I turned toward the door.
“Mom! Pony business came up! Don’t bother making me dinner!” I called.
“OK, sweetie! Make sure to bring me a souvenir this time!” My mom called back, causing my newly pointed ears to twitch.
Sometime I think she should have been the next Pinkie were-pony. It’s a shame that ponies can only bond with younger humans when the time for a resurrection comes.
“So, you planning on telling what we’re doing, or are we going to play twenty questions again,” I asked.
Twilight sighed.
“I’ll tell you once Pinkie’s out. I don’t want her sending you two flopping around while you’re still changing,” she answered.
I rolled my eyes as I felt Pinkie’s coat start covering me.
I waited a few seconds longer, and then it happened. As my muscles started to shift, they stopped reacting to my commands, and Pinkie took over. Transforming never hurt, but man did it feel weird losing control like that.
A few pops and snaps later (including one especially awkward one), Tim the human was gone. Pinkie Pie the pony was in his place.
“Alright! Let’s hear it, Twilight!” said Pinkie.
Her vision jumped between the screens, showing that there were now four ponies looking back at her.
Twilight nodded, and spoke.
“One of Celestia’s scouting parties found Fluttershy’s new host,” she said.
Pinkie gave a gasp, before she started jumping all over my room in glee. As I was currently only a disembodied voice in her head, I didn't get dizzy. I just found myself, once again, wishing I could close my own eyes.
“Hooray! Fluttershy’s back! We haven’t seen her in months!” exclaimed Pinkie.
Still, I was kind of happy about this myself. It meant I wouldn’t be the new guy on the team anymore.