//------------------------------// // Phases Tentacle through Pie // Story: Twilight Learns To Loosen Up // by AkumaKami64 //------------------------------// *KNOCK*KNOCK*KNOCK* "Anypony home?" Applejack called, a bit perplexed by the lack of answer. Twilight usually had the library open by now. Was she sick? That line of thought went out the window as the door opened, revealing Spike. He held up a claw before she could speak, covering his mouth briefly as his cheeks bulged. He let out a sigh...of red mist, "Sorry, I have...a burping problem right now," He explained, waving the fumes away, "What brings you this way, Applejack?" "Hi, Spike. I, um, came ta see about a book on birds," Applejack informed awkwardly. "Right, right, come on...in," Spike instructed, waving a claw as he held back another burp. "Are ya sure..." Applejack started, only to stare uncomprehendingly at Spike's backside, "...Ya know ya got hair all over your back?" Applejack asked slowly while the drake climbed a ladder. Spike chuckled at that as he started looking through books, absently scratching his brown-furred backside, "Yeah, I was looking like a giant rat or something earlier. Do not know how you ponies deal with this itchy stuff," He mused before pulling out a book, "Ah, here we go. Just let me check this out for you..." "...Spike, why do you have a backside furrier than a squirrel's tail?" Applejack clarified, unamused. "Twilight and I have been...experimenting with some spells and potions and...things," Spike informed between burps, "Ooo, the smell of gems coming up isn't as good as the taste going down," he lamented as he waved the gases away. "Isn't that a bit...dangerous for ya?" Applejack asked curiously as she received the book. "Nah, nah, Twilight knows what she's doing. Besides, she gets worse than she gives," He joked with a smirk. "...What does that mean, exactly?" Applejack asked uneasily. "Hi Applejack!" Twilight cheered in greeting, making Applejack jump in alarm. "Twilight! Ya scared the tar out of...me?" She started off, her shock fading to confusion as she looked around the otherwise empty room, "Twi?" "Up here!" The unicorn called, making the farmmare look upward...and gape at the upside down Twilight, sitting on the ceiling. Even her mane was in defiance of gravity! "I...I don't know how to respond to this," Applejack stated slowly. "Well, the normal response is to return the greeting with your own, sometimes followed by a hug," Twilight suggested helpfully. "Twilight, why are you on the ceiling?" Applejack asked bluntly. "Perspective!" Twilight answered with a hoof raised to the...ground, "And let's be fair, this is hardly the weirdest thing you've seen with unicorn magic," Twilight retorted with a grin. "True, I suppose," Applejack admitted nervously, "You...sure you're feeling alright?" "Never better!" Twilight assured, jumping up, spinning in midair, and somehow landing on the floor. A bit wobbly, but the landing stuck nonetheless, "Got to work on the landing. Thank buck I'm not a biped," She mused to herself. "Sugercube, what's going on?" Applejack asked warily. "Cauterization, hyperexcretion, asphyxiation, ostentation, stigmatization, and etceteration," Twilight answered cheerfully. Applejack stared owlishly at Twilight, trying to make sense of some of those words as Twilight plucked up the book with her tentacle- wait, what?! "What in tarnation!?" Applejack yelled as she jumped far back, Spike snickering behind her at her unnerved gazing at the lavender, furless appendage extending from between Twilight's withers. "Aviquestria, by Ornis Oculi," Twilight read with a curious hum, "Taking up bird watching, Applejack? I'm surprised you didn't just ask Fluttershy for help." "I j-just need to know if these new birds are bad for the farm- And What In The Name Of Celestia Is THAT!?" Applejack yelled, her mouth having been on autopilot for a moment. "Hmm?" Twilight asked before following the line of sight to her non-pony appendage, "It's my peripheral muscular hydrostat, of course," she explained casually. "Eh, r-right, right, of course," Applejack said with a nervous smile as she took the book back, "I'll just...be on my way and...leave you to it," she said as she made a beeline for the door, doing her best to make it look like she wasn't in a hurry. Twilight and Spike smirked slyly as they heard her scurry off, giving each other a hoofbump...or a claw-tentacle bump, "Well, she is thoroughly freaked out," Spike noted with prankster pride, "How long until you think Dash shows up?" "I say about three hours, depending on when Applejack finds her taking a nap in one of her trees," Twilight answered off-hoofedly. "...Are they a thing? Does Rainbow have a crush on AJ or something?" Spike asked thoughtfully. "There's some tension there, but it may not be romantic," Twilight admitted, slowly grinning, "But that won't stop us from pranking them on Hearts and Hooves Day." "You are on your own for that one," Spike said with an eye roll. "And your own will be on that one," Twilight retorted matter-of-factly. "...I don't want to know what that means," Spike commented warily. "It means I won't be around to protect you from pranks if you're not helping me," Twilight explained with a small laugh. "Ohhhhhh!...Yeah, that makes sense. So...Shall We Go Prank Fluttershy?" Spike asked, rather loudly. "Three, two, one," Twilight counted off as the door suddenly burst open. "WHAT?!" Pinkie Pie yelled in disbelief, already right next to them. "You can't prank Fluttershy! That is, like, the first and most super-duper rule of pranking!" "I thought that was not to get caught?" Spike retorted, unphased by Pinkie Pie's frantic warning. "I thought it was never use the same prank on the same target," Twilight added in. "Guys, I'm serious! Twilight, I love that you strangely like pranking all of a sudden, but you know how sensitive Fluttershy is!" Pinkie Pie cautioned urgently. "Yes, but I also know this: Rules are usually more like guidelines, Pinpie,"" Twilight answered with a cheeky smile. "Twilight, please-!" the party pony stopped as the words registered, "Pinpie? How would you make a pie of pins? That wouldn't taste very good and it'd be all pointy and stabby! Unless it's something that eats metal, but wouldn't the pins melt while baking? Or maybe it'd be a pie shaped like a bowling pin?! *GASP* I have got to make a cake shaped like a giant bowling pin some day! Maybe after one of us joins the bowling team or may-!" "Twilight left," Spike informed bluntly with his arms crossed. "...Huh?" Pinkie Pie questioned, looking around with a stunned expression, seeing that the library was indeed missing one lavender unicorn. "Yeah, she grabbed her saddlebag and left while you rambled," Spike explained with a lazy smirk as he examined his claws. "Well, that wasn't very nice," Pinkie said with a pout. "No, Pinkie, that was a distraction," Spike countered with a snicker. "Spike, don't you realize how bad this is!?" Pinkie Pie demanded nervously. "Then maybe you want to run and catch her," Spike advised casually. "You're right! Don't worry Fluttershy, I'll save you from Twilight's prank!...That really doesn't sound right," Pinkie Pie muttered before speed pronking out the door. Spike rolled his eyes as he rolled his shoulders, "Yeah, like we didn't spend most of the morning figuring out what would be the most perfect yet safe prank to use on Fluttershy. What does Pinkie take us for? Pranks or no pranks, Twilight is still the mare that has checklists for her checklists and I'm the one writing them," he muttered to himself, grimacing as he felt another burp coming up... Meanwhile Spike had left out one minor detail: Twilight hadn't walked out of the library, she had teleported. Then again, with Twilight, it was easy to assume either. Said unicorn of magic appeared in an alley way, "Well, that should keep Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy distracted for a few hours," she said as she took a book out of her pack and opened it, "Phase One complete! Pinkie Pie will be busy protecting Fluttershy and might rope Applejack and Rainbow into it while Rarity is working today. Now all I have to do is Phases Two, Pie and Three before sneaking over to Fluttershy's cottage." "That would sound rather suspicious if you didn't sound so cheerful about it," a voice called from behind her. She blinked, snapping the book shut before turning to stare owlishly at a rather curious looking Filthy Rich. "Twilight Sparkle," he greeted in interest. "Podre," she returned with a nod, idly putting her book away. The earth pony scrunched his brow at that, "Pod-what?" "Podre de Rico. It's the Coltuguese way of saying Filthy Rich," Twilight explained with a shrug, "You said you don't like being called Filthy." "...Well, I know what alias I'm using if ever want to pretend to be somepony else for a night," Filthy said in amusement, "But what are you doing here, exactly?" "I should be the one asking that. Don't you know it's impolite and misleading to sneak up on mares all alone in dark alley ways?" she asked, looking at him in overdramatic mock-suspicion He gave her a blank expression and pointed to the building to Twilight's right, "My store." he explained before motioning to a nearby dumpster, "My garbage." "Oh...Well, this is awkward," Twilight admitted, looking up with a thoughtful look, "You know, I always wondered something about you, if you don't mind me asking. Your father and grandfather were named Rich, right?" Twilight asked curiously. Filthy blinked before shrugging. It was a slow day and he might get a new customer out of this, so why not, "Yes, that's true. How did you know that?" he asked curiously. "I'm a bibliophilic living in the town library. I can't not know," she stated flatly, before changing back to pondering, "So, why Diamond Tiara?" "Huh?...Ahh, yes, that," Filthy said, realizing what she meant, "Well, in truth, my wife and I didn't realize she was pregnant until Diamond was about to be born. I was reeling from the notion of fatherhood and joy of seeing my little newborn angel all at once, so I...basically went for the first name that sounded good in my head," he confessed, both fondly and sheepishly. "And...why not Something-Rich?" Twilight asked with a raised eyebrow. "Old Earth Pony Tradition. If you marry somepony who by chance already shares part of your name, you don't give your child that name," he answered noncommittally, not knowing the reason to the tradition himself. '...That raises interesting questions about Big Mac,' Twilight mused to herself, "Better than some unicorn traditions. Horn flossing...," Twilight said with an entire body shudder, "Well, sorry to drop in and drag up sappy memories. Do you have anything to eat I could buy off you to make up for it?" she asked with a grin. "Only if you promise not to leave a prank in my store," he said with a small scowl. There were enough pranksters in town as it was without a magical one! "You're not surprised I'm a prankster?" Twilight asked curiously. She was half expecting him to accuse her of being a changeling. "You're Celestia's student," he countered knowingly. 'Huh, somepony that knows and acknowledges that the Princess pulls pranks,' Twilight thought curiously before standing on her hind legs and docking a mock bow, "You have my solemn vow as a Sparkle of Canterlot that no Twilightian pranks shall be released in your shop," she declared solemnly. "...You're going to leave it on the roof, aren't you?" Filthy asked in a deadpan voice. "What? No, no, no!" Twilight said with an unconvincing smile, pulling the book and a quill out of her bag, "Note to self, Filthy Rich is an experienced victim and observer of pranking; Approach with caution." "You know I can hear you, right?" Filthy asked, amused despite himself. "Further note, subject may have developed telepathy," she said with a playful grin as she put the book away. Filthy Rich just rolled his eyes and ushered her inside, "Either come buy something or please stop loitering. Last thing I need is my alley to become the black market of pranking plans and supplies." "Whatever you say, Podre," Twilight said as she headed inside, 'Besides, this deals with phase two and phase pie at the same time.' "By the way, what is that lump under your saddle?" Filthy asked with a raised eyebrow. "Peripheral muscular hydrostat."