//------------------------------//
// Chapter 1 
// Story: Celestia's revenge 
// by VectorSprite 
//------------------------------//

For as long as Celestia has ruled she has held what is known as the Day court, where ponies of all kinds can come to her for the issues they believed only she could solve. Luna held the Night court for her half of the cycle. For a thousand years there was only a Day court as Luna was imprisoned on the moon. For all the pain it caused Celestia to banish her sister there was one thing that she was grateful for, and that was sparing Luna the stress of seeing the court degenerating into the pitiful whining of self important, entitled, spoiled, and quite frankly dumb nobles.

In modern times there is once again both a day and a night court and Celestia was saddened that Luna had to be subjected to the same ritual of torture she’s endured for many years. With the addition of another princess, Celestia considered lightening their load by opening a “Twilight court.” But Celestia knew better than burdening Twilight with such things, she still remembered the riot she caused when she was nearly late with her friendship report. Twilight had more important duties protecting Equestria anyway.

Cadence of course held her own court for the Crystal Empire, so she had her own problems to deal with. There was really no one left to share this responsibility with. It was funny, these days Celestia found more annoyance from the nobles than from Discord. With that thought, Celestia had an idea. An awful idea. Celestia got a wonderful, awful idea. She grinned wickedly as she formed her plan. If the nobles liked to cry, she would give them something to cry about.

The next day in front of important delegates as well as the ponies gathered for the Day court, Celestia, with Luna made her announcement. “Ever since my sister and I have ruled we have taken it upon ourselves to serve the ponies of our great land, but as the issues we face have grown more complicated we find ourselves less effective than we once were.

“Fortunately we are no longer alone in this task. Our newest princess, Princess Twilight, has been working tirelessly dealing with issues related to friendship, monsters, and apocalypses.” Polite applause rang out as Twilight, who was in attendance but didn’t expect to be mentioned, blushed slightly. After the stomping ended Celestia continued, “and thanks to Twilight and her friends, we have a new ally to help serve the ponies of Equestria.”

Suddenly the window burst open and something landed in front of Celestia and exploded into fireworks. From the sparks emerged Discord who shouted “It’s me everypony, Discord, and I’m here to solve all your problems today.” Needless to say the crowd was shocked.

Luna looked over to Celestia and immediately spotted her poker tell. It was of course the convulsions of her neck muscles as she struggled to suppress laughter. “Isn't that the guy who betrayed us to Terik?” sompony in the crowd asked.

“Oh, you don’t need to worry about that,” said Celestia quickly, “Discord was integral to defeating Terik. In fact it was all part of my master plan.”

Luna began to say “that’s not…” but Celestia cut her off when she kicked her with her back hoof.

“Well” said Celestia with suppressed elation, “I’m sure you all have very important things scheduled and you've been delayed long enough. The first session of Chaos cort will begin shortly. So trust him like you would trust me.” Celestia immediately left the stage and trotted quickly down the hall. Luna and Twilight didn't expect for her to leave so fast, so they found themselves nearly galloping to catch up.

“Princess, I’m not sure Discord is ready for this yet,” said Twilight struggling to keep pace with the larger alicorn.

“Trust me it’ll work,” said Celestia. When they came to the end of the hall Celesta turned and broke to a full gallop.

“What? where is she going?” said Twilight.

“Don’t worry, I know. Follow me,” said Luna, “I didn’t realize how eager she was.” Luna led Twilight down the hall to a door guarded by two sentries. Twilight expected them to let them into the room they were guarding, but instead one opened a secret door on the opposite wall. This led to a secret hall which felt as long as the one they had come through when leaving the throne room. They finally came to door where they found Celestia sitting in one of three thrones facing what appeared to be a large window. Twilight saw that they indeed came almost full circle because the window looked into the throne room where she saw Discord poofing different thrones in and out of existence. I apologize for the overuse of the word throne in this paragraph by the way.

Celestia was already seated, comfortable with a large drink in her hoofrest, and she was munching on a tub of popcorn. The room wasn't big, but there was enough room for a table of caterers, a couple of servers and of course the popcorn and soda machines.

“I never noticed a window in the throne room before,” said Twilight.

“That's because on the other side the window is enchanted to be a tapestry depicting the union of the three tribes.” Said Luna before turning her attention to her sister. “Celestia, you lied back there. In all the years of our rule you have never lied.”

“No,” said Celestia not taking her eyes off the throne room, “I initially sent Discord to capture Terik, that didn’t work out but Discord helped Twilight find the final key which led to his defeat. It was more roundabout than I intended but it was still my idea for Discord to be involved. So what I said was true, from a certain point of view.”

“A certain point of view?” said Twilight as she took a seat in the smallest of the three thrones. 

“You’ll fife memy of buh fufes we clefe two are afed oo oif ew.” said Celestia through a mouth full of popcorn. She had more to say but it was just as unintelligible.

To Twilight’s surprise she was presented with a menu.

“You don’t have to order right away.” said Luna taking her own seat between the two. “Me and Tia were planning to have lunch in here, but until then I’ll just have a popcorn and some gamer fuel.”

“I’ll have the same,” said Twilight, not really thinking about it. The waiter nodded and walked back to the caterer table. Twilight noted they were already preparing a drink and a popcorn which meant they could hear them from over there, so the waiter didn’t need to take their orders.

In the throne room Discord manifested a throne made of swords, but he already made that game of thrones reference in a different fic, so he poofed it away and manifested one with a large purple star in the headboard. Twilight turned around and looked at her own headboard and saw they were identical. Deciding it wasn't his style Discord poofed it into a Santa Claus throne. Deciding he was a kind of Santa for the day Discord settled on this one. He sat down and Celestia started bouncing in her seat.

“Calm down Tia, there still organizing the lines.” said Luna. The waiter brought Luna and Twilight their popcorns.

“Hay, why is mine smaller than yours?” asked Twilight.

“Our buckets are sized to be proportionate to to the size of our body's.” Said Luna

“Oh” said Twilight noting that Luna’s was indeed slightly smaller than Celestia’s. Twilight took a sip of her soda and began to gag. “What is this?”

“It’s a little concoction I came up with. It’s a mix of a few sodas plus a couple of energy drinks as well as some other ingredients. Incidentally if there is any work You needed to catch up on you might as well schedule it for tonight, since you won't be sleeping.” said Luna. Twilight began making a mental checklist, then she realized what Luna had said.

“Wait, seriously?”

“Oh yes. You know where the caffeine from decaffeinated coffee goes?” Luna held up her own drink. Twilight began to get worried.

The first pony entered the throne room. “It’s starting,” Celestia said with unsuppressed giddiness. Twilight recognised the pony as that awful Prince Blueblood that Rarity couldn't stop complaining about.

“I’m glad to see someone new. I expect you're the kind of pony that can get things done,” said Blueblood.

“Well I’m not a pony, but I appreciate the confidence you have in me.” Said Discord.

“Yes. I was hopeful when Luna returned. I thought that she would be able to get things done where Celestia couldn't.

“Well they don’t have my kind of magic. Believe me things are going to change around here.”

Twilight recognised the mischief in Discord’s voice and knew Blueblood was now playing with fire. Blueblood was of course oblivious.

“Well you see,” Blueblood said, “the Canterlot low economy apartments block my view of Neighagra falls. I told Celestia and Luna they don’t bring in that much tax revenue anyway so it would be best to get rid of them. And with the space cleared out we could....”

Discord interrupted. “You don’t need to convince me to move them.”

“Really?” Blueblood asked his eyes widening with the greed of a spoiled child.

“Nope.” Said Discord, with the excitement of a child about to pull a prank.

“So you'll do it? You'll bulldoze those awful buildings?”

“Even better. I’ll teleport your home to the top  of the Canterlot mountain. That way nothing will ever obstruct your view of anything ever again.” Discord snapped his fingers.

“Orb! Orb! Orb!” Celestia shouted, and one of the waiters rushed over with a crystal ball. On it was the vision of an upperclass canterlot home imbedded in the snowy mountain top that overlooked all of Equestria.

“Hope you enjoy,” said Discord merrily as he snapped his fingers again. Blueblood disappeared from the room and appeared on the patio of his home visible in the crystal ball. Celestia gleefully giggled as Blueblood shivered from the frigid mountaintop air. The other waiter brought a podium for the crystal ball as Discord called “next.”

A pony who Twilight didn't recognise entered the room. Luna got a sour look on her face. “Ooo that's the one who asked if I could shut down the night clubs near the parks so the grass could grow in silence.” Luna folded her forelegs. “A thousand years on the moon and he expects me to start shutting down night clubs.” She snorted

The pony spoke “I’ve been having trouble with some local hoodlums.”

“Oh dear” said Discord, and to twilight’s pleasure she saw he had a serious face. They had both assumed “hoodlums” meant youngsters committing petty crimes, and falling into bad habits that could ruin their future. Twilight was already mentally preparing programs to keep youth off the street and getting them to interact with the community in a positive and productive way.

The pony continued “Yes. I’m so glad you grasp the gravity of the situation. You see, in my fields I clearly have ‘keep off grass’ signs posted, but they routinely go unheeded by the neighborhood riff raff.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. Of course it wasn't anything actually serious, though she decided to write down her youth program ideas later anyway. Discords serious expression didn’t change but he got that twinkle in his eye again. Celestia clearly noticed too because she pretty much had the same twinkle as she shoveled hoof fulls of popcorn in her mouth.

“Aw,” said Discord “no worries, I have the perfect solution.” He snapped his fingers and the pony turned into a scarecrow. “No pony will dare trespass with you on guard.” He snapped his fingers again and the pony disappeared. The three princesses turned to the crystal ball and they saw the scarecrow appear in front of a field beside a “KEEP OFF GRASS” sign.

Luna and Celestia's amused expressions were mirrored by one another. “Next” called Discord.

A red and black stallion entered. Twilight recognized him as a pony who she had dealings with back in Ponyville. He was usually reasonable.

“He’s not too bad. Maybe Discord should go easy on him?” As Twilight asked this it fully hit her what was happening. Celestia had put Discord in charge so he could punish everypony. She of course put it all together before now, but the absurdity hadn't fully impacted her until this moment. Celestia looked sideways at her, as if she knew something Twilight didn’t.

“Mr. Discord sir.” Said the stallion.

“Yes, you can call me sir. You're off to a great start.”

The stallion smiled, “I knew you were wise. Celestia was right to entrust you with requests of her citizens. I only hope that in your wisdom you see fit to grant my humble request.” This guy was always a bit of a brown noser, Twilight knew that much, but even so he was laying it on a bit thick. 

As the pony had been talking Discord had been puffing out his chest looking more and more self important. He continued “You see sir, there's this pony, who has, due to the actions of more talented friends rather than her own efforts, has come into high power. She has essentially fallen up and has since flaunted her undeserved authority over ponies.”

“Tell me,” said Discord with a tone that suggested he was ready to take immediate action, “who is this fraud?”

“It is none other than Princess Twilight.”

“WHAT!” shouted Twilight. “You pompous backstabbing little…” Twilight’s horn started to glow and she started to get up from her seat, but Luna pushed her back down.

“Easy Twilight, let Discord do his work.”

“Aw, I see,” said Discord. “I’ve had my dealings with Twilight. She was the one who turned me into stone when I first returned to this world, before I had a chance to redeem myself. She then insisted I be turned back a third time even when under direct orders from Princess Celestia herself not to do so.” Discord walked around the room with his hands folded behind his back, seemingly all business, but when he turned his back to the stallion to face the window the princess watched from he gave a sly wink. He turned back to the pony and asked “what would you have me do?”

“Well, I think her power should be removed and redistributed to more deserving ponies.”

“Redistributed you say. Well you said she had more deserving friends, I suppose they would be the ones who should receive it.”

“Well actually…” started the pony, but before he could finish Discord snapped his fingers and Pinkie Pie appeared with wings and a horn.

“Wowie!” she said. “I’m an alicorn now look what I can do!” she rolled up in a ball and literally started bouncing off the walls. The pony looked distressed as he was encased by her ricochets. She then landed in front of him and said, “I can also do magic.” she began waving her horn around letting sparks and confetti shower from it. After a short period of antics like this the pony ran screaming from the room with Pinkie bouncing after him. Twilight wondered briefly if that was the real Pinkie or just a conjuring. She supposed she would never know because she had no intention of ever bringing it up.


And so it went on like this, pony after pony coming in and making asinine, greedy, and sometimes cruel requests, followed by Discord punishing them in the most ironic way he could think of. Each time getting a laugh from Celestia. It didn’t bother Twilight so much that Celestia got so much vindictive pleasure from this, but rather that she could be so vindictive. What had these ponies put her through that she not only gave Discord free rein to do as he pleased to them, but also that she watched with such diabolical elation. The entire time they had been in that room Celestia hadn't looked at anything but the window and the crystal ball. She even missed her mouth with the straw of her drink a few times. Twilight couldn't help but wonder if this was the real reason she had Discord reformed.

“This job is easy. Guards, send in three more,” said Discord, and the guards did so. The first pony looked smug, like she didn't take any of this seriously. Twilight met this pony once, and she didn’t show her any respect. She figured it was because Twilight wasn't born a princess, or rich.

“So,” she said, “you're going to grant any request we make?”

“Celestia’s orders.” Said Discord  with a smile.

“Ok, make me a sandwich,” she said with a grin. Twilight could tell she was mentally patting herself on the back for coming up with that one. Discord didn't even hesitate.

“Ok, you're a sandwich.” With a snap of his fingers Discord turned the pony into a giant sandwich. Celestia burst out laughing. The next pony over had a look of greed on his face, thinking of Discord’s reality altering power.

He stepped forward and said “I want you to make me a duke.”

“Ok, you're a sandwich” Discord snapped his fingers and the next pony also changed to a giant sandwich.

“I said I wanted to be a Duke.”

“The Duke of sandwich. Delicious.”

“That does look delicious” said Celestia “I’ll have one of those” The caterer ponies immediately set to work.

“Twilight,” said Luna studying the menu, “would you like to split a pizza? I was going to get a personal pizza, but if you want one too we could get a full sized one.” Twilight was planning to get the hay burger but the allure of sharing a meal with princess Luna was too enticing. It was funny how she would still go into fangirl mode sometimes.

Back in the throne room the third pony was sweating, apparently nervous about his request. “Come now don’t be shy,” said Discord.

“Uh, I wish for world peace.” the pony had blurted out.

“A piece of the world, you got it.” Discord snapped his fingers and a huge chunk of earth appeared over the pony before falling on him. A flattened version of the pony squeezed out from underneath the dirt and, thanks to Discord's magic, made an accordion noise as his crushed body unfolded. 

Celestia laughed maniacally and, grabbing her sides, spilled her popcorn. It wasn't that big a deal as one of the waiters brought over her sandwich. It was a few minutes, and a few humiliated nobles later, when Luna and Twilight’s pizza was ready. As Twilight bit into her first slice she realized because of the popcorn she wasn't that hungry. Luna munched her slice happily, and gulped that terrible gamer drink of hers. It occurred to Twilight that she wasn't having as much fun as the others. This was probably due to the fact that she hadn't been alive as long as the the sisters, nor had she been dealing with the nobles as long as them. Not that Twilight couldn't derive a grim satisfaction seeing spoiled rich ponies being shot out of cannons and covered in marmalade.

As things went on the requests of the nobles started to bring out a vindictive side Twilight never knew she had. “Take that!” she had shouted the third or fourth time one of these chumps asked to take the budget out of public schools. “Get him!” she found herself yelling when one proposed shutting down all the public libraries in Canterlot. Twilight realized why this was so lethargic for the princesses when she caught herself about to blast a pony through the window. She also realized why they never asked her to proceed over a court of her own.

Eventually it was Fancy Pants’s turn. Twilight wasn't sure what to expect. She wasn't impressed with the time he tried to get special privileges at the convention, but to his credit he let it go when it was denied. He treated Rarity good from a friendly and professional standpoint. And he treated Her friends right that one time on her birthday.

Fancy Pants straightened his tie and said,”so glad you could meet with me today. I… uh…” He seemed a bit disoriented and trailed off. “Sorry, I thought I would be meeting with Celestia this afternoon.”

“Have no fear,” said Discord jovially, “you can talk to me as if I was Celestia, or Luna. I’m here to serve you just as they would. My power is at your disposal.”

Fancy Pants seemed to regain his confidence and continued. “Well, as the princess are aware I’m in charge of bringing the public buildings up to the new standard for handicapped ponies. However my budget is woefully inadequate.” Discord looked momentarily bewildered. He looked to the tapestry to where Celestia was sitting and gave her a look like he didn’t know what to do. Twilight wondered if he could see them. “Aw, perhaps I should come back when one of the princesses are in session.”

“No, no,” said Discord recovering, “I promised Celestia I would take care of every pony, and I’m going to do just that.” A desk with tall stacks of paperwork appeared and Discord sat in front of it wearing office clothes with an accountant's visor. “Let's see, I already looked at the school budgets and there already as tight as possible at this point. Roads are eating a lot of money, but it’s actually not a good idea to siphon too much from infrastructure.”

As Discord shuffled through papers for the first time since entering this room Celestia looked away from the window. “Would you kindly bring me a vanilla and banana smoothie, and I’ll take the jelly donuts now. Twilight was still working her way through her half of the pizza and Celestia was already ordering more snacks. Was it because she was so much bigger than most ponies, or was it because she was an alicorn? Twilight wondered briefly if her appetite would become just as big. Cadence didn’t seem to eat as much, but truth be told Twilight sometimes thought she could use a donut or two.

“Wait, I think I found something,” said Discord holding up a paper. “It seems the good ol governor of Van Hoover has a hefty budget for ‘feather preening’. You see, there's feathering and preening, but feather preening is actually a code term for prostitution.” Celestia crushed her smoothie cup in her magic, and Luna did a spit take.

“My word,” Fancy Pants said as he let his monocle fall to the floor.

“I’ll just reappropriate those funds too...” Discord was about to snap his fingers before realizing he probably couldn't officially do that with his magic. “That is, I’ll have those funds reappropriated.

“I want that governor investigated immediately,” Celestia ordered. “If what Discord said is true have the funds transferred to Fancy Pants’s budget.”  A guard in the back saluted  and rushed out the door. “And another smoothie please, and a towel.”

Discord snapped his fingers and Fancy Pants’s monocle reverse shattered and fell up back onto his face. Fancy thanked him and left the room. Discord looked extra pleased with himself, surprised not only at how well he handled a real issue, but how much he enjoyed doing it. Granted the reason he enjoyed it was probably the media circus he just started, but it was still for a good cause.

Twilight made a mental note to tell Fluttershy later how proud she was of Discord at this moment. She also noted not to tell Discord directly as she was sure he would take it as license for more pranks. Then again, he may have his fill of pranks before this day ends. Celestia looked pleased too.


Twilight somehow managed to finish the awful “gamer fuel” and soon had to use the bathroom. Luckily there was one just to the right. Luna had said that it was installed the other day, which probably meant it was installed so Celestia wouldn't miss any of the action. When Twilight finished Celestia practically shoved her aside as she rushed in.

“Discord has begun his lunch break,” said Luna. Celestia really didn’t want to miss anything. Twilight sat down and after a few minutes found herself fidgeting in her seat. Twilight saw Discord was eating a sandwich that looked like the one Celesta had.

“Oh my Faust,” she blert out, “is he eating that pony he changed earlier?”

“What?” said Luna. “Don’t be ridiculous, he left those ponies to the mercy of the birds in the garden.” Luna indicated the crystal ball which displayed the two sandwich ponies running around being pecked at by a flock of pigeons and a buzzard. “Don’t worry, that spell will wear off eventually with no lasting harm. Well, no physical harm anyway.”

After lunch it was more of the same, with Celestia getting more and more routy. At some point Twilight and Luna had taken to gambling on the events in the throne room. It was around the same time Twilight couldn't keep still in her seat. She didn’t realize it, but the buzz from the gamer fuel had kicked in. They each had the the caterers bring them two dozen cookies a piece, which they used for betting.

Twilight knew Discord’s sense of humor pretty well at this point, combining that with her own chaos theory she was able to reliably predict most of Discord’s pranks winning those bets. But Luna knew the nobles and had to deal with them on a daily bases as well as seeing their dreams, so bets pertaining to their stupid requests usually went to her. Twilight began losing when the buzz from the gamer fuel began to hit it’s apex, and she started to become distracted and antsy. But she soon turned it to her advantage using her super caffeinated brain to super think stuff. You know, detectivy stuff. Twilight was about to win all the cookies before she became unable to sit still anymore and began walking around the room. Luna took the opportunity to eat her remaining stack forever keeping them from Twilight’s grasp.

Twilight wandered over to the caterers and began questioning them on desserts. Luna turned her attention to the menu and began considering what she wanted for dinner. Celestia of course kept her eyes glued to the action. This really had been a long time coming. There was a time when Celestia and Luna’s words were obeyed without question, not because they were tyrants but rather they were trusted. Ponies found Celestia’s wisdom comforting and were thankful for Luna’s guidance. But those were simpler times, society had evolved and answers aren't so easy these days. Or at least that's how it's perceived. You see, the more things change the more they stay the same. Pony issues may have different wrapping then they did a thousand years ago, but at their core they were basically the same.

Ponies tended to over complicate things in there mind because they can’t accept things are really as simple as they are. None of that was the issue however, the issue was these damn nobles all thought it was all about them. There selfishness is what really screws up things up. It would be so simple for Celestia and Luna to sort things out but no, these guys come in and start demanding schools cannibalize their music programs so they can build a more decadent fountain in the Canterlot gardens so they have something slightly prettier to stand in front of for the five minutes they spend outside shmoozing at the gala.

I mean, I don't really want to keep beating you over the head with with this, but seriously Blueblood has no class. I mean even if chivalry is dead you don’t need to dance on it's grave. Even that schmuck Trenderhoof showed some class when he offered a dance to Granny Smith. Is it really that hard not to be a complete putz? I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. Anyway, I’ve gotten off topic.

The next pony walked in and Celestia groaned. Twilight new him and how aggravating he could be. Celestia was always stressed after a meeting with him. 

“Here we go,” said Luna rolling her eyes. The pony set up an easel with cards, apparently he had a whole presentation. Discord sat back down in his santa throne and, with his head resting on his paw, his eyes glazed over. Apparently he was already bored. As the presentation began Celestia slumped and moaned in exasperation.

“Ok,” said the pony, “today's presentation is about how to improve tourist revenue for Canterlot.” celestia threw her head back and moaned louder. “I've prepared a plan for a beautification project.” Celestia again moaned louder with painful irritation.

“Wait,” said Discord, “isn’t canterlot the richest city in Equestria? Why would it need more tourist revenue?”

“Because that surplus won't last forever. And what if Canterlot falls on hard times, or a natural disaster hits?” This time it was Luna who slumped and moaned. The pony pointed to the card he had displayed, “as you can see I have several graphs for you to see.” Like the princesses Discord slumped in his throne and moaned.  “Now, as you can see by this chart the budgets for public schools is unnecessarily high.” Now feeling the same irritation Twilight moaned.

Discord stood “I've heard enough,” he said. Celestia snapped back to attention.

“But I've only just begun,” protested the pony.

“You know what Celestia think if she heard this proposal?”

“What?”

“She would think to immolate  you.”

“What does that mean?”

“Death by fire.” 

The pony looked shocked. He stammered and said, “The Princess wouldn't do that.”

“Oh know of course not, I said she would think it. She would never actually do it, but that's the difference between me and her. I always do what I think.” The pony began to sweat and the color drained from his face. As the more fear showed on the ponies face, the more delight shown on Celestia's. “Lucky for you I would never think to do something as horrible as burn you alive.” The pony took a sigh of relief. “I’m just going to shoot you out of a cannon.”

A trap door opened and the pony fell through getting stuck in the barrel of a huge cannon which rose from the ground. “Ha ha, yes,” said Celestia as she fidgeted in her seat. The pony squirmed in panic jammed in the cannon’s opening.

“Here we go,” said Discord as he put his hands on a lever. “Three… two… one,” just as he was about to pull it he stopped. “Oh, I almost forgot, do you like bananas?”

“Yeah, do it right,” said Celestia.

“What?!” asked the pony.

“Well you're gonna go bananas on the moooon!” said Discord, and he made to pull the lever again when the pony interrupted.

“You're going to send me to the moon?”

“No, that was just a joke,” said Discord, and the pony looked relieved. “You're never going to make it to the moon,” and he pulled the lever firing the cannon with a loud BOOM. The ponies scream faded away as he was hurled across the countryside.

“You're getting some tonight,” blurted out Celestia without thinking. her eyes widened and she blushed as she realized what she just said out loud. She peaked to the side to see if her companions heard. Luna and Twilight both looked forward in silence pretending like they hadn't. 

Well that explains a few things, thought Twilight.

I knew it, thought Luna.

In the throne room Discord dumped giant scoops of ice cream on a pony who was complaining about how there was too many children in the ice cream shops.

“Ice cream,” said Celestia hoping to create a diversion, “that seems like a good idea. Let's have some cones.”

“After dinner sister. Isn’t that what you always told me?” Said Luna slyly. “Speaking of which I believe I will have the soup.”

The three princesses watched while eating. Twilight ordered the hayburger and fries and Celestia got the chili. After the popcorn and pizza Twilight wouldn't have expected to be hungry, but the caffeine rush had made her ravenous.

A fat pony in a top hat entered. At first Twilight thought it was the puppeteer who she saw perform during the festival, but at another glance she saw it was someone different.

“Aw, it's our friend the Governor,” said Luna as Celestia’s eyes narrowed. She chewed slowly as she stared daggers at him.

“Aw, Mr. Discord. I’m glad it’s you who’s holding court today. It’s pretty lucky in fact,” he said. Celestia spooned more chili in her mouth still eyeing the offending pony.

“Really?” Asked Discord. “Is this a problem you think Celestia wouldn't be able to handle?”

“Well the issue is more I don’t think the Princess would be as understanding as you. You know what it’s like to make a mistake…”

“Go on,” Discord said floating in the air with his hands below his chin.

“You see… a misunderstanding has cost me my position as Governor of Van Hoover. I was wondering if you could see fit to restore my title.”

“Aw, I see he’s already been removed from office,” said Luna.

“How did he get here so fast?” Twilight asked with her mouth full, flecking chunks of burger to the ground. Some may say it’s beneath a princess to eat with such little dignity, but this quality endured her to the subjects of Equestria. She didn’t know it but this would make her popular in the future, but that's besides the point.

Celestia disappeared leaving her bowl in her seat. She entered the throne room silently behind the former governor. The guards moved quietly which made Twilight think they practiced this, as if this wasn't Celestia’s first time sneaking into her own throne room. Knowing her mentor that was probably true.

“So you want me to restore the job, as I take it, you lost earlier today?” Said Discord.

“Th- that's right.” He said awkwardly.

“Well before I do, why don’t you tell me what you think of Princess Celestia?”

“Celestia? Well, like I said she wouldn't give me a chance. She’s always so rash, ready to believe the worst in ponies.” Discord’s smile widened, and the fat pony took that to mean he agreed. This encouraged him to speak more boldly. “She has no sense of priority, and quite frankly no loyalty.” As Discord’s grin grew so did the fat pony’s brashness. “Always preoccupied with one useless program or another. Always making public appearances instead of making deals. Now that I think of it, she’s a terrible ruler.”

“So that's what you really think?” Said Celestia just behind his ear. Fatty jumped straight up and got himself stuck on the chandelier, which shortly came crashing down. “So, I’m a terrible ruler am I?”

“No… I...I... I was just saying what I thought he wanted to hear. Honest. I don’t really...” Celestia cut him off.

“So you were lying to him? Just to save your job, a job which you've been lying to the taxpayers about. Is that what you did to get elected? Just tell the ponies what they wanted to hear? Are you going to tell me what I want to hear next?”

The pony looked like he was going to speak before Discord, leaning in, interrupted. “The last time I saw her this mad I was imprisoned in stone.” The pony screamed and tried to escape but found himself cornered. Discord pulled out a hoof glider, which the fat pony snatched and jumped out the throne room window. “I’ll mail you the bill for the chandelier,” Discord called after him. Fats crashed into the trees and tumbled to the ground.

Discord turned around to the angered Celestia. He walked over and moved his face close to her’s. Twilight and Luna gasped as they both thought he was going in for a kiss. But no, he sniffed her breathe and said, “Is that chili I smell? That sounds delightful.”

Discord teleported inside the observation room in front of the caterers, who mostly jumped at his sudden appearance. Accept one who didn't seem remotely surprised. Which meant she either expected his arrival or was so professional she was ready for anything… or maybe she was only half paying attention, I don't know. Celestia teleported back in and took her seat with her bowl. Luna noted the blush on her face which told her she also thought Discord was going for the kiss.

Discord turned to look at the three seats. “Well I see I have a whole panel of judges for my first day on the job. Are you going to hold up score cards next? I expect tens I better see tens,” he said. It was then Twilight wondered why she was here. Was she supposed to be as entertained by this like the other princesses? Or was she really supposed to evaluate Discord in his first official job for the crown. The first since the last disastrous attempt that is. Maybe she was supposed to keep him him in line in the same way she didn’t when he was sent after Tirek.

“Are you ok Twilight?” Asked Discord. “You seem preoccupied with stuff that's not important again.”

Twilight shrugged. “I guess.”

By time Discord’s dinner was ready Celestia and Luna were finished. They both stood ceremoniously.

“It is time for us to transition the day into night.” Said Celestia. “We will return shortly.” As soon as they exited Discord slipped into Luna’s seat cozying up to Twilight as best he could.

“I hope you've been enjoying the show Twilight,” he said. “I know you don’t have an ax to grind yet this early in your career, but I hope you can at least appreciate the hard work I’ve been putting in.”

“Work?” Said Twilight. “You look like you're having the time of your life in there. You pretty much have a blank check for mayhem.”

Discord took a comically exaggerated bite of his food then said “on the contrary, I’ve been holding back. You know how hard it is not to just turn them into a frog as soon as they walk into the room?”

“Really?” Twilight was surprised. “Do they really annoy you that much?”

“Oh Twilight, you have no idea. Did you know Celestia has practiced for centuries to keep her emotions in control? You would never know if she was upset, but in her dreams it all comes out. According to Luna that is.”

“So that's why you're having so much fun with this? You like getting back at ponies who've upset Celestia? Wasn't that long ago when it was you giving her a hard time.”

“That's right, nopony is going to move in on my turf.”

“You know what I think?” said Twilight as Discord closed his eyes and took another bite. “I think you're sweet on her.” Discord's eyes shot open and he choked. Twilight knew at this point that they were more than friends, but Discord didn’t know she knew. So now it was Twilight’s turn to yank his chain for once.

Twilight stood on her chair. “You want to impress her don’t you? Want to make her think you're cool” Discord choked some more. “Oh no, you want to protect her don’t you. You want to be her knight in shining armor don’t you?”  It was in that moment Twilight realized the significance of her brother’s name. Discord coughed and sputtered, and Twilight firmly slapped him on the back. “Well, she’s been having a great time in here, I think maybe you have impressed her.”

Discord belched and said “really? I mean I don’t care. It’s the thing you said before, a blank check for mayhem. That's the only reason I’m doing this.” His eyes shifted conspicuously as if he was lying, which he was.

“Oh I get it, wink,” Twilight said as she winked. “You're secret is safe with me. Trust me, I know how to keep a secret, even when revealing it would be more helpful than keeping it.” Just then Celestia and Luna re entered the room. Twilight winked with an exaggerated movement, which Luna of course noticed. Redness rose in Discord's face with a slide whistle sound effect.

“Well you're back, I suppose I better open Night Court now.” Discord teleported back into the throne room. The waiter walked over already holding another bucket of popcorn, which he handed to Celestia when she sat down. Twilight smiled smugly to herself.

“Engaged in mischief making?” Asked Luna, seeing Twilight’s face.

“Uh, no,” said Twilight, her eyes shifting conspicuously as if she was lying, which she was.

“Ah ha,” said Luna “that means yes.” Luna took her seat and was handed more of her gamer fuel. She seemed to drop the subject, as she turned her attention back to the throne room. Celestia had already gone back into viewing mode so Twilight and Luna might as well not even be there as far as she was concerned. Sitting there Twilight began to wonder why she actually said wink. She felt a little embarrassed as she realized how dorky that was. She also realized Discord stole her cookies.

To Twilight’s surprize she found the requests of the night court to be even sleezer than the day court. “So this is what ponies ask for when they know Discord is in charge?” Twilight wondered out loud.

“Actually, this is about the same as always for me. They tend to think I’ll let them get away with things my sister wouldn't. I think it’s because they think it’s the Nightmare moon in me that has sympathy with them. They never seem to learn otherwise.” This didn’t sit right with Twilight, but she figured it was ok because Discord was going to turn them into frogs or whatever.

A pony covered in gold chains entered and made a predictable request that would allow him to screw over several ponies for the purpose of amassing more wealth.

“Doing that would only treat the symptom of your problem,” said Discord. “This will help treat the source.” Discord lifted the fabric of reality like a curtain and revealed his buddy the Smooze, who slithered into the room. Discord picked up the pony and tossed him at the Smooze, who opened it’s mouth and swallowed him whole. He gulped happily then spit the pony back out without any of his gold. Discord picked the pony back up and snapped him like a towel flinging the residue goop off, then he pulled an electric razor out of nowhere and shaved his mane off.

“I’m going to send you to live amongst monks. They will teach you to live free of material possessions. Oh but don’t worry, these aren't the soft hood wearing monks, these are the martial arts kind. Have you ever exercised before?” The pony shook his head. “Well this will all be new to you. The’ll work your body to the bone until you're as tempered as steel.

The expression of abject terror was unlike any Twilight had seen, even on the pony Discord lowered into the bastion of eldritch horrors. Discord snapped his fingers and he was gone. On the viewing globe, I mean the crystal ball, the princesses saw him appear in front a group of shaolin ponies with a sign around his neck which read “recruit.” They dragged him kicking a screaming into the temple.

Celestia burst out laughing, Luna smirked with satisfaction, Twilight felt hopeful the pony could turn his life around and find inner piece.

Discord said, “I could have sent him to a farm he would have been just as scared.

They continued watching for a few hours until Luna stood up and said “well, it’s time for me to perform my dream duties.” She left the room.

“Does this mean it’s over?” Asked Twilight.

“No, said Celestia, “there has been an extension. Special for today.” A wicked grin slowly spread across her face. It denoted a sinister agenda, which is pretty much old news by this point.

The next pony entered, and as she did she was looking around the room and had a look concern on her face. 

“Say,” the new pony said timidly, “we couldn't help but notice no pony who has come in here has come out.”

“That's because they're having a great time in my secret extra dimensional party place,” said Discord.

“Really?” Said the pony, her expression changing from worried to excited.

“I have it hidden in here,” Discord held a burlap sack open. “Step in and join the fun.”

“Well… ok” she said and in she went. Discord hoisted the sack up and he tied it closed. The mare inside writhed and squirmed. Discord threw the sack behind his throne and he called in the next pony, who promptly entered.

The new pony began to make his stupid request before Twilight spoke up. “Wait, what just happened?”

“Huh?” Celestia muttered.

“What's he going to do with the pony in the bag?”

“Oh. don’t worry about it,” said Celestia disinterested.

“Don’t worry? But he just stuffed her in a sack. She's still in there.”

“I said don’t worry Twilight, I’ll take care of it.” For the first time Twilight wasn't eased by her mentors reassurances. There was something about that whole scene that was just off. It didn’t seem to be apart of a prank and Celestia seemed oddly indifferent about it. Twilight decided to get drunk.

Celestia had the waiter bring Twilight a bottle of her personal wine. After only one glass it was already hitting her. Things were blurry and she was seeing double. Actually Discord made a clone of himself and became out of focus, but Twilight was still getting drunk. Celestia joined her and together they giggled at Discord's antics. Celestia soon became tipsy, she was a far more powerful alicorn than Twilight, so Twilight was of course completely hammered.

“Let's do something tonight,” said Twilight. “When is this over? We should make some plans. Oh wait, I forgot. You already have plans.” Twilight tried to wink but she just blinked both eyes. Celestia blushed and stared forward. “You know what I’m talking about right?” Twilight elbowed Celestia, a bit harder than she realized. “You… you know right? Celestia… you know. Like you said erler? You have plans… remember…” Twilight finally trailed off and passed out.

“Thank Faust,” said Celestia before turning her full attention back to the throne room. 

As Luna patrolled the dream scape she came to a place she hadn't expected to find that night, Twilight's dream. She entered to find Twilight running around frantically preparing for something.

Twilight spotted Luna and said “Princess Luna, thank goodness you're here, I really need your help.

“What are you doing here Twilight? My gamer fuel should have kept you from sleep's embrace. Unless you’ve gotten into my sister’s wine. Yes, I suppose that's it isn't it?”

“What are you talking about? Nevermind. Listen I have a monumentally important meeting and I’m completely unprepared. I completely forgot it was today and my checklists have all disappeared!”

“Easy Twilight, you're in a dream. You have nothing to fear.” Twilight’s face eased and she seemed to deflate as she relaxed.

“That's such a relief. I’m so glad you came.”

“So you and Celestia decided to get drunk as soon as I left?” Luna said with a soft yet accusatory tone.

“Well… not right after, and it wasn't us it was me. I mean she was drinking too but only because I was, and I was only doing it because… I mean how many times can I watch Discord discord somepony? I don’t even know most of the nobles who came in today. I can tell you and Celestia have a history, and quite frankly a lot of suppressed anger. Does Celestia really hate them that much?”

Luna’s face softened as she realized something. Seeing today’s events was bothering her. Judging from her dream she was distressed at how the nobles must treat Celestia. But her question seemed to suggest she was also upset at what she was perceiving as a dark side to someone she had believed to be an incorruptible paragon of virtue.

“My sister and I have been around since before ponies of today were born. To most they see us as avatars of the sun and moon, and think we are as solid and unchangeable as them. But we are still flesh the same as anypony. We build stress from our jobs same as anypony else. Today's events are a rare time Celestia is free to enjoy herself and relieve some of that stress.

“And no, she doesn't hate them. She's just grown frustrated at how selfish the privileged have become, and how modern society caters to that selfishness. And quite frankly they take her for granted.”

Twilight seemed to relax a little but not entirely. Something else was still bothering her.

“You fear this for yourself don’t you?” Twilight looked away, which told Luna she had guessed right. “There's no shame in admitting it.”

“If those screwy ponies can treat you and her like this, what are they going to do to me?” Twilight blurt out, her eyes tearing up. In the real world Twilight wouldn't be this upset, but here, with her emotions were amplified, she was ready to cry.

Luna wrapped her wing around her. “Worry not Twilight. Celestia has been at this for a long time, and before I returned she was alone. You have what she didn’t all those years.”

“What's that?” asked Twilight looking up.

“Friends,” said Luna with a smile. Whatever troubles you face in life as a princess or not you will not face them alone.” Twilight calmed and leaned in to Luna. She closed her eyes and when she opened them again she found herself back in the observation room alone. She had been covered with a blanket so presumably Celestia had left her to sleep.

Through the window she saw Celestia was chatting with Discord. As she watched, Twilight thought she hadn't seen Celestia look that happy before. She remembered the disaster the Smooze caused at the gala, she was so thrilled. Maybe she really needed a guy like Discord in her life. She then remembered the riot her and her friends caused at the first gala they attended and how happy it made her then. Maybe she needed chaos in her life. Or maybe it wasn't the chaos as much as it was having fun with friends. Celestia really had been alone for so long. Twilight was comforted by the thought that her mentor will never be alone again, and neither will she.

Luna entered the room. “Aw I see the proceedings have already come to a close. Come Twilight, I will show you to your quarters, or if you're up to it we could squeeze in a few rounds of League before I am to lower the moon.” Twilight looked back to Celestia and Discord. Luna looked too and said “Let's leave them alone, as we know they have plans of there own tonight.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Why did you have to bring that up?” Luna chuckled softly as she turned to leave. Twilight followed and together they trotted down the hall where they saw the new statues of nobles who had been turned to stone and made to decorated the castle.

Twilight noticed one of the statues was of prince Blueblood. So apparently he got down from the mountain to make a second request and ended up here. Good.

The end