//------------------------------// // Public Opinion // Story: Time, Space, and Paradoxes // by Christophe //------------------------------// A/N: I feel like If I had more artistic skill I could draw a cover image for the story. Seeing as I lack that, -cough- does anypony know any artists up for a challenge? Paradox and his party moved silently towards the front steps of the castle. Luna had since join the group and upon seeing Paradox almost had the goddess equivalent of a heart attack. Unbeknownst to the group she was not stricken with fear but unparalleled joy and know cannot take her eyes off him. Twilight was starting to grow suspicious of her attention. They arrived at the great front door and halted. Celestia looked at Paradox, who was very interested in traumatizing a nearby guard by changing into different creatures. Twilight tapped his shoulder and pointed back at Celestia who by now was looking rather displeased. Paradox smiled sheepishly and shrugged. With a heavy sigh the great doors were flung open and the crowd went into an uproar. "Citizens of Equestria we have come to-" Celestia tried to begin the press conference but was having no luck until Paradox patted her side and stepped forward. "SILENCE" Paradox's voice rang out over the crowd effectively gluing their mouths shut. Paradox bowed for Celestia to continue. "Citizens, I am proud to announce the addition of this creature, Paradox, to the roster of Equestrian citizens. He has not only saved one of the Elements of Harmony when he first arrived but has now saved not only Canterlot and Equestria as a whole but the entire Changeling race from starvation." "Awww, You're makin me blush Princess." "I have officially named him a Peacekeeper under my command and guardian for the Elements. I now leave him to answer any questions you might have." Celestia moved back from the podium. Paradox rolled his shoulders and moved up behind the mic and adjusted it to his height and took a stance leaning against the podium. With a wave of his hand the flood gate of questions burst open. "What are you exactly?" asked a jet black pegasus with a press pass on his neck. "I'm an Immortal from another dimension with a severe lack of appreciation for personal space. I also accept the title of Lord of the Dance." "How did you get here?" asked a yellow unicorn. "I fell out of a portal and left a smoking crater in the Everfree Forest. I still don't see what you ponies have against that place I think it has a kind of terrifying and sinister charm." "Have you ever been in contact with humans!?" asked a teal unicorn that Paradox could swear he had seen around Ponyville. "Actually, I used to be a human till I took a second heart to the chest." "YOU WERE! WHAT ARE THEY LIKE!?" This unicorn was having a serious mental breakdown. "Well, Humans have something I like to call Ingenious stupidity. Humans are a brilliant race that can adapt to almost anything. However, they are very limited by their own need to TOUCH EVERYTHING. I have never seen a race that can build a ship to travel all over space and still be entranced by a slimy and most likely toxic substance enough to put their hand in it! Don't get me started on how they treat each other." The Unicorn went to ask another question but was quickly silenced by her cream colored friend. "Where did you get those smashing garments?" asked an obviously high class unicorn with his trophy wife hanging off his hip. "Well, actually these are a remake of my original clothes that Miss Rarity made. They are more comfortable and breathable… and magic so they regenerate with me. I think we are getting off topic so lets call it quits on questions for the time being." The crowd let out a resounding 'Awwww' and began to disperse. --------------- Later that night Twilight and Paradox were trotting though Canterlot with Paradox in pony form. Their destination was Twilight's parents home for dinner with the family. Twilight was wearing her Gala dress but Paradox and Rarity had whipped up a black tux with thin white stripes and a matching fedora. "I wonder if Shining is still mad that I slapped him?" "I think he forgave you when you saved the day." "You never know, I've seen someone kill a man over a sandwich. It had something to do with sexism but I didn't read that much into it." "Just behave and everything will be fine." "Whatever you say, -snort- Twily." Soon they arrived at said home. It was large by Canterlot standards with a well groomed lawn and garden. A butler stood at the front gate waiting for them to arrive. He bowed and ushered them inside. "Wow this place is fancy, you never told me your parents were loaded." "They weren't always. Once I became Celestia's apprentice they made a lot of connections with the Canterlot elite. Now they own one of the best casting agencies in Equestria." "You have no idea how jelly I am right now. I'm defiantly at Black Raspberry level." Twilight shook her head as they entered the dining room. Inside was a magnificent feast along with Shining, Cadence, Crescent (Twilight's Father), Starlight (Her mother), and a bright red unicorn mare that neither of them recognized. The mystery mare had a sanguine mane and a notepad and quill for a Cutiemark. "Hello everypony, let me introduce my coltfriend, Paradox." Paradox bowed to the group. "It's nice to meet you all." "I wish I could say the same…" Crescent looked extremely displeased with Paradox's presence. "Why is that sir?" Paradox raised an eyebrow at Crescent's obvious displeasure. "I can't say I approve of my daughter dating a monster." "Can't say I haven't heard that one before." Paradox and Crescent proceeded to argue about the logistics of the relationship. This eventually escalated into an all out hoof fight. Crescent was horribly out matched and ended up tied to the table with Paradox water-boarding him with chocolate pudding. "If you boys are quite finished we are in the parlor." Starlight called from the other room. The brawlers joined the group while still glaring at each other. The still silent red mare was taking notes next to Twilight. Starlight apologized about her husband's behavior and offered many compliments about Paradox's looks and actions at the wedding, effectively re-inflating his ego much to Twilight's chagrin. "-Cough- So, Mr. Paradox I would like to introduce myself. I am Red Ink with the Canterlot Gazette, and it is an honor to meet two national heroes in one day." "I appreciate the complement miss but if you want an interview all you had to do was ask." "Straight shooter I like that. All right, first off have you and miss Sparkle rutted yet?" At this the majority of ponies in the room spit out whatever they were drinking. "No ma'am, I am nothing if not a gentleman." To illustrate his point Paradox summoned a scotch glass, monocle, and changed his fedora into a top hat. " OK, now tell me about your family." "Lets not go there." "Come on I'm sure you have some great family stories." "I said no." "I promise th-" "DROP IT OR LEAVE." The whites of Paradox's eyes went black again as he anger rose. Red Ink cringed at the display but returned his glare. "Fine I will leave, but I will have my scoop Mr. Paradox." Red Ink stood with a huff and left without another word. Paradox sat back on the couch and tried to calm himself down with Twilight's help. The rest of the evening went relatively smooth aside from a vow to turn Crescent into a living pincushion. ----------------- The next morning the girls and spike made their way back to Ponyville, leaving Paradox to work on his relationship with the ponies and changelings. Paradox determined his best course to improve relations was to move amongst the population as himself. By move among he actually meant sit at Donut Joe's and enjoy discounts on donuts and coffee. "Well, hello Mr. Paradox." "Of course you would show up." "Yes, I am determined to get my answers." "And I am determined to deny you." Paradox stood and strode out with Red Ink hot on his trail. "Just tell me a little!" Paradox didn't respond, he opted to teach Equestria about parkour. Paradox gripped a ledge and launched himself to the rooftops and took off in a random direction. After making it over a few streets Paradox dropped into an alley to get his bearings. "You can't escape Mr. Paradox," Whispered a voice in his ear. Paradox squeaked and took off sprinting. He ducked and weaved in and out of alleys and into a bar. Sighing he strode up to the bar and ordered a hard cider. The drink slid its way down to him and he greedily put it down. Satisfied he had calmed his nerves and ditched his tail Paradox relaxed. The bartender walked over and put her hooves up on the counter. "Don't tell me you're a drunk Mr. Paradox." Paradox's eye shrunk as he stared at the mare on the looking at him. 'Where did she even get an apron and fake mustache?' he thought as he bolted out the door. Paradox thanked whatever deity happened to be listening (She didn't answer because she was finishing off the wedding cake) that the hedge maze in the castle garden had been regrown. He leapt into the center of the maze and sat down to enjoy the serenity. He celebrated his victory by confiscating the last of aforementioned deity's cake. "I hear that red velvet is your favorite cake, is that true?" Paradox threw his remaining cake into the air and took off like a rocket directly though the hedge maze yelling "IT'S THE UNICORN VERSION OF PINKIE, NOPONY IS SAFE!" He then proceeded to scream like a little girl until he was safely hidden under Celestia's bed sheets as a quivering lump. ----------------- Red Ink continued to wander around Canterlot in search of Paradox late into the night. Around 3 in the morning she found herself lost in the bad part of town. Just as she was about to make a u-turn when she was pulled into an alley but a yellow aura. Three stallions had he pinned against the wall of the alley. A yellow unicorn, green pegasus, and blue earth pony. "As long as you don't scream, we might go easy on you," said the earth pony with a smirk. "I got first," stated the pegasus moving towards Red. Red closed her eyes and waited for the immanent touch of the stallion. She waited and nothing happened. She kept waiting and still nothing, Were they toying with her? "Open your eyes they're unconscious." Paradox stated unamused. "B-but how did you…" Red opened her eyes and was shocked to fine the creature she had been stalking all day holding his hand out to her. "Once I slipped you in the castle I hid in your shadow so you wouldn't find me." "…Thank you… even after I pestered you all day you still helped me…" "I wouldn't be the good guy if I didn't. Would I Mr. Sheoth? (Your still aligned Chaotic Good sooooooo no. Maybe I should have rolled a Chaotic Neutral.) "Who are you talking to?" Red looked off into the space where Paradox was looking and saw nothing. "Huh? Oh, don't worry about it. (Guess she isn't the second coming of the pie.) So are you gonna keep stalking me?" "-Sigh- No, I think you have definitely earned peace from me. But don't think I won't be around and when you do decide to talk let me be there, ok?" "Deal." ------------------ Seeing that the train doesn't run at the ass-crack of dawn Paradox was forced to walk back to Ponyville. He could have teleported but thats like cheating and running would have caused him to miss all the sights. By the time he made it back it was about nine in the morning. Just in time for breakfast. Paradox entered the library and completely disregarded the guests Twilight was entertaining in the main room. He grabbed a stack of pancakes left for him on the counter and walked back into the main lobby. Upon seeing the two guests Paradox dropped his delicious and sweet breakfast treat and gawked at them. One was a grey pegasus with misaligned eyes smiling like she just won the lottery. The other really had Paradox's attention. The other was a Brown earth pony with an hour glass as his Cutiemark. "Well hello Paradox its has been a long-" The Doctor was cut off by Paradox grabbing the Tardis from it's resting place and holding it above his head. "I AM GOING TO TEAR OUT YOUR ORGANS, HANG THEM LIKE STREAMER, LIGHT THEM ON FIRE, AND DANCE ON THE RUG I MAKE OUT OF YOUR HIDE YOU SON OF A WHORE! Paradox screeched as he attempted to smash the doctor with his own ship. The Doctor fled out of the library as fast as his hooves could carry him. Paradox wasn't letting him get away that easy and speed straight through the wall with the Tardis positioned as a battering ram. Ditzy Doo and Twilight were stunned by the display. What could The Doctor possibly have done to make Paradox that angry? Twilight and Ditzy looked at each other with mouths agape and could only come up with one response. "What the buck."