Flim, Flam, and the Little Lost Apple Scam
Clear Title
The next morning did not dawn as bright as Applejack expected, even though her normal day started before the dawn and the only light she had until then was the old lantern she had used since forever. It too was a ‘family thing’ with toothmarks in the handle dating back to various great- and grand- relatives and the parts replaced with other family artifacts or pieces of wire until it was quite probable it contained not a single speck of metal from the original purchase, however many years ago that was. Still, it lit her way the same as it had for generations past, and most likely would continue to do its job when Apple Sprout had a family of her own.
Everything in her morning routine now revolved around the foal who would someday use that same lantern. It took a quick dash into the bathroom before Apple Sprout woke up all the way, and a dart back into her bedroom to catch the waking troublemaker before she could escape from the bassinet. Then diapers and formula mixed with breakfast makings and work planning while Big Mac and Apple Bloom made their way into the kitchen, followed by Granny Smith in a slow hobble with considerable yawning and a perpetual search for where she put her teeth down last night.
“Do you want me to go get the brothers afore we eat?” asked Apple Bloom, who was helping mop up the drips and splatters of formula from around Apple Sprout’s high chair. It struck a sharp pain in Applejack’s heart, because she could remember back when Ma and Pa had died and Applejack had been in that exact same position, cleaning up after her baby sister before the work day began. Even though Apple Sprout wasn’t kin, she was in the heart, and the words of that infuriating brother kept repeating through her head this morning.
Family is more than just blood. Family runs far deeper into the heart where it hurts the most.
Now the little foal was going to be missing the only father she had known, and Applejack could not help but feel as if it was her fault as much as that lying scoundrel. Would living the lie have been so bad? Both of the brothers had been working just as hard as any Apple, heck, harder than some which Applejack would not care to name unless they forgot the grass seed during Winter Wrap Up again. Being so close to the Apple family had even changed their behavior to something a tiny bit more honest, although the heart-felt confession from Flim last night was the last thing Applejack had expected from either of the lying scallywags.
“Ah’m afraid they won’t be eatin’ with us no more,” said Applejack, wondering why the words tasted like ashes in her mouth. “They done took off last night, and probably won’t never be back.”
“Why?” Apple Bloom’s confused face reminded Applejack too much of the face that looked back out of her own mirror after Pa had passed away. She was looking for answers to questions even older ponies would prefer not to face. At least Apple Sprout was too young to remember much of this once she grew up. Losing a parent, even one who weren’t much of one, like Flim, was too much heartache for one heart to bear alone.
“Turns out Flim ain’t Apple Sprout’s real papa.” Applejack set her jaw and tried not to blink away unwanted tears. “They done stole her from an orphanage and lied about it in order for us to protect them. But it don’t matter none to me. She’s still gonna be one of our family anyway. Soon as we get done with breakfast, I’m gonna go up and talk with Twi about it. See if’n we can adopt her. Seems the right thing to do and all.”
“Really?” Apple Bloom cheered up, but not back to her normal bouncy self, more like a mixture of happy and sad all at once. “It’s gonna be cool to be a big sister of sorts, but I’ll miss those two. They’re real good with their numbers and math.”
Applejack raised one eyebrow. “Ah suppose them varmints were doin’ yer homework for a few bits each?”
“Well…” Apple Bloom squirmed. “At first. Then Mister Flam caught us and gave all the bits back. They still kept helpin’ us out with our math homework, and Scootaloo even got to help calibrate their apple sortin’ machine while we ran apples through it to test—”
“You knew about their apple sorter?” snapped Applejack. “An’ you didn’t tell nobody?”
Now Apple Bloom squirmed more than if she was standing on an anthill. “Mister Flam said it was going to be a surprise, and since he’s kinda sweet on you—”
“He wasn’t sweet on me!” exploded Applejack, although she immediately lowered her voice in order not to disturb Apple Sprout, who was looking up at her with those dangerous green eyes, so much like her not-uncle.
“Enope,” said Big Mac while buttering a slice of toast. “Just ’cause you used any excuse to go into town and check up on him at the apple stand, an’ run your hooves all over him when he got back to the farm—”
“I was checking to see if he was skimming any of the bits from the sales,” fumed Applejack.
“What’s all the racket about?” asked Granny Smith, who was making her slow way to the table.
“Just—” Big Mac took a look at his sister’s face and promptly closed his mouth.
Apple Bloom, who had substantially less life experience, did not catch on nearly as fast. “We’re talkin’ about Applejack’s coltfriend.”
“Oooo,” purred the old mare. “That handsome young stallion with the fuzzy mustache like yer Pa used to have?”
“Ah’m going to see Twi,” snapped Applejack, boosting the happy foal up out of her high chair and into the carrier in one smooth motion, then leaving the house at a brisk trot which could have been mistaken for a gallop by some observer who did not know better.
* ♥ *
It was several hours later by the time Applejack returned to the farm with Twilight Sparkle trotting along by her side. Admittedly, one of those hours she had spent walking around town with Apple Sprout, cooling her temper before going to see her friend, but it was time well spent, and she nearly had her positive mental attitude back just the way it was supposed to be.
It did not last long.
The skeletal remains of the machine from Appleloosa had been dragged out of the barn, much like a mechanical corpse subjected to a ravaging by wolves and disemboweled. The much smaller mechanical sorter sat beside it, like a grieving foal beside the corpse of its mother.
And standing next to them were the two jackals that Applejack thought for sure would be miles away by now.
“Them two-timing, low-down, hornswoggling, dishonest—”
“I thought you said the Flim-Flam brothers had left,” said Twilight, cutting off Applejack’s quiet muttering.
“Figgers they’d make a liar out of me too,” growled Applejack.
The farm yard was empty of ponies other than the brothers, although there had been a brief flash of red going behind the barn which was most likely Big Mac dragging Apple Bloom out of range from the upcoming explosions and fire. Both Flim and Flam stood in front of the apple sorter, hats off and sorrowful expressions on, apparently waiting on judgement and sentencing.
“Are we… uh… going to talk to them?” asked Twilight, who had stopped at the farmyard gates when Applejack had stopped.
“Ah’m thinkin.”
She was thinking about violence, but with Apple Sprout on her back and Twilight Sparkle within sight, it did not seem like a very practical thought. The brothers’ wagon looked to be in good repair, so they had not broken down on their way out of a pre-dawn escape, and the apple sorter was on wheels, so there was nothing keeping them from making off with it too. In fact, there did not seem to be any reason why the two lying scoundrels were still on her property instead of amscraying with it. That left…
“We’re gonna talk with ’em,” said Applejack. “And if’n you think either of ’em is lying, even once, I’ll drag ’em both up to the Ponyville Jail and throw ’em behind bars until they can be hauled away to prison. Just once. That’s all it’ll take.”
* ♥ *
“Hello, Flim. Flam.” Applejack felt no inclination to smile while looking at the two dejected brothers.
“Hello, Applejack. Princess Sparkle.” Flam was at least talking like an honest pony. Applejack had expected him to throw himself down on the ground and whimper for mercy in front of Twilight’s hooves, but instead, he kept his head down and his hat held to his chest with one hoof in a model pose of submission. “I would like to start by apologizing for both my brother and myself. I did not realize my brother had lied to me about Apple Sprout not being his daughter, although that does not excuse either of us for our scheme to use her to deceive your friend, Applejack. We are both very and honestly sorry.”
Obviously uncomfortable at being in the position of an apology sandwich between Applejack and the brothers, Twilight Sparkle nodded. “You realize there are criminal penalties involved here, and that just being sorry is not going to make up for… whatever you did to get Apple Sprout out of the orphanage, right?”
“Of course.” Flam sniffed ever so slightly, which Applejack would have taken as a ploy for sympathy except for the obvious signs of previously shed tears on his cheeks. “I believe you are talking about criminal conspiracy, forgery, and the use of a minor in a crime, all of which are serious felonies. As Flim’s brother, I was fully involved, and insist that I receive whatever punishment he receives.”
“We’ll come back to that,” said Twilight, turning to Flim. “From talking to Applejack, it is my understanding that you located Apple Sprout at an orphanage in the Dodge Junction area after finding out Marian had a foal and gave her up for adoption, and while still distraught over events, lied to the matron of the orphanage, forged the results of the Parenting Pair-Up spell, and then brought her to Ponyville. Is that correct?”
Flim nodded, although he continued to look down at the dried grass of the farm yard.
“And that you or your brother did not mistreat the foal, or act in any way that could have possibly brought harm to her while bringing Apple Sprout here, where it was your intention to have her adopted by the Apple family, right?”
Flim nodded again, somewhat more rapidly.
“What if they had refused?” Twilight Sparkle remained looking straight at Flim even as his head jerked up and he looked back. “What if you brought this cute little filly all the way to Sweet Apple Acres and the Apple family threw you three out? What would you have done with her then?”
“I…” Flim swallowed and his eyes tracked over to Apple Sprout, who was happily waving back from the foal carrier. “I don’t know. I thought about keeping her, but our lives are so erratic with traveling and sales—”
Applejack so wanted to add, “And schemes,” but kept her mouth shut instead.
“—that we couldn’t possibly raise a foal by ourselves.” Flim swallowed again and looked away from Apple Sprout.
“I see.” The corners of Twilight’s lips drew up in a motion that Applejack had learned meant she was thinking something really Twilighty. “Would you have abandoned her by the side of the road somewh—”
“No!” Flim had a look of wide-eyed panic and some anger, but he calmed down rapidly and added the same thing Applejack wanted to say. “How could you think such a thing? She’s an innocent foal!”
“We’re not monsters,” said Flam with a fierce frown. “I would have thought you could have seen that by our behavior over the last few weeks. In the event that the Apple family had not reacted positively to our request, we would have…” Now it was Flam’s turn to pause as he ran out of words, but after looking around at the other ponies who were not speaking up, he continued.
“We would have found another loving family or taken her to an orphanage,” Flam said reluctantly. “Both options which are nowhere nearly as satisfactory as seeing her raised by Miss Applejack. She may not be my brother’s daughter or Miss Marian’s, but she deserves to have the best family a foal could have.”
“Very well,” said Twilight. “I believe you. Applejack?”
It took a few moments for Applejack to respond, but after due consideration, she gave a brief nod.
“Good.” Twilight turned back to Flim. “If you could have found your biological daughter, would you have done the same thing? Lied to get her out of the orphanage, lied to your brother, lied to me, and lied to my friend in order to get her adopted by Applejack? Lied to everypony in Equestria if need be, just to see her raised by a loving family?”
Flim opened his mouth to respond, paused for a moment, then closed his mouth and nodded.
“Did you ever consider just telling the truth?” asked Twilight.
“There’s only one truth,” said Flim in a near-whisper. “A lie can be whatever you tell it to be. If I told the truth to the orphanage, they never would have let me take Apple Sprout. My brother would never have agreed to come here. Our machine would still be in that dusty warehouse, rotting away. And this—” Flim touched the apple sorter almost reverently with one hoof “—would never have existed. All good things that truth would have prevented, but I just… couldn’t keep lying to myself anymore. I had to tell Applejack.”
“But you’re still here,” said Twilight Sparkle.
“Not willingly.” Flim turned and looked at his brother. “After I told him the truth about Apple Sprout, he wouldn’t leave.”
“The apple sorter, as it is now, is nearly useless for making up for our previous scheme,” said Flam, looking intensely uncomfortable. “There are still the defrauded investors in Appleloosa and Dodge Junction, after all. We need to make some minor tweaks, finalize the design, write it up as something patentable, and sell the plans to a major manufacturer in order for it to develop a revenue stream and pay them off. There’s no way we could do that on the road, but if we fled and left you with this machine, as is, it would only be usable around the farm for a year or two until a part failed or wore out. The investors would still be out their investment, and the good name of the Apple family would be dragged through the mud by our actions. The only way to do what is right is to stay and finish the job.”
“If’n you get all that done, you’d just leave?” asked Applejack.
After a quick glance at Twilight, Flam nodded. “Provided we are not in prison.”
In the resulting silence, Applejack turned to her friend. “Twi, what do you think?”
“It’s your farm. They’re your guests. I think it depends on what you think.” Twilight sounded far more pensive and thoughtful than Applejack expected, which was good, because Applejack found herself less and less wanting to haul the two no-good nitwits over to the Ponyville jail. And durned if they didn’t have a perfectly good reason for staying, even if there was probably some underhoofed scheme hiding in the weeds somewhere.
“Ah’m gonna regret this. Heck, I already do,” grumbled Applejack. “Fine, but I got a couple of cave-yets. First.”
She sat down and carefully extracted Apple Sprout out of the foal carrier, then began rummaging around in the side pocket. “Just b’cause you two ain’t kin to little Sprout here, don’t mean you get outta no chores. Here.” Applejack pulled a clean disposable diaper and the package of wipes out, then placed them to one side. “She’s more full of poo than the two of you put together, so I need a volunteer to change her.”
“I’ve got it,” said Twilight, floating the foal and associated materials over to the side. “Go on.”
“Second, you lied about keeping money back,” said Applejack, surreptitiously wiping one hoof against a nearby tuft of grass. “Ah wana see it. All of it, every last bit.”
“Here you go, ma’am.” Flam floated a small bag of bits over to Applejack, who looked into the bag, nodded, and pushed it back over to him.
“Good. You hang onto it, on account of there’s probably gonna be expenses in getting that there machine all tuned up and writ up for sale. Ah’ll want an accounting of every bit, all lined up like Big Mac does with the books, and he’ll be tracking every entry at the end of each week. If’n we have to dip into farm expenses to get your plans and patents all done up right, we will.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Both brothers looked slightly relieved, and Applejack decided to put more pressure on them on the same theory that heat and pressure could turn coal into diamonds, but only if applied with intense determination.
“Third, you done stole that big hunk of parts from Appleloosa under the nose of your investors from both towns. I’ma gonna write up… No, I’ll have Twilight write up this proposal about selling the apple sorter plans to an equipment manufacturer. If any of the investors, any single one of them, throw a fit about it or how you got the parts, the whole kit and kaboodle gets sold for scrap.”
“And we go to jail,” said Flam.
“Probably.” Applejack took a breath and shuffled more upwind of Sprout’s changing. “Fourth.” She paused. “Well, I ain’t got no fourth, but I’ll bet one comes along pretty darned soon.”
“I don’t understand,” said Flim, so quietly it was almost a whisper. “Why would you stick your neck out for us? After we lied to you and took advantage of your honesty?”
“Ah’m not too sure about that either,” said Applejack. “Ah suppose it’s because even scoundrels like you two deserve a fair shake. You stay here and do what you said, and I’ll eat every word I done said about you two over the last year. Heck, if you get the plans drawn up and we get ’em sold, I’ll have Pinkie bake all them words into a cake, an’ I’ll let you cut it.”
“Brings new meaning to eating your words,” said Flam, who might possibly have been smiling just a little under his shaggy mustache.
“Pinkie Pie brings new meaning to everything,” said Applejack. “Still, we gotta get it sold before we celebrate. I figure Kick Kormick and his bunch would be the best ones to approach first. We use scads of his widgets around the farm, an’ they’re pretty durned good.”
“Sounds like we’ve got a lot of work to do, Miss Applejack.” Flam put his hat back on and nodded politely. “I’m looking forward to the next few weeks.”