Flim, Flam, and the Little Lost Apple Scam
Little Problem
The unicorn foal did bear a distinct resemblance to the brothers, mostly in her golden brown coat and green eyes. In contrast, the darkish-pink curls of her short filly mane was unmistakably the color of her mother’s coat, or at least it matched the color of the mare in the photograph that Flim produced. She gurgled, as most foals did when they were being bottle-fed, while Flim held her and Flam talked in a low whisper.
“You see, Granny Smith, the beautiful Marian of Dodge Junction turned out to have gotten slightly closer to my brother than myself during our courtship, and once we had gotten our family disagreement settled, thanks to you, of course, we returned to the town to find her… less than receptive to our attempts at reconciliation.”
“Kicked ya out and slammed the door, didn’t she?” Applejack could not help but feel vindictive, but it was not as good a feeling as she had expected. Both stallions bowed their heads as if mourning for a close family member or a lost bit.
“To our great surprise, she had given birth to a foal during our absence,” said Flam. “Small-town morals being what they are, her position and shame caused her to put the adorable little tyke up for adoption, and there was nothing a pair of honest and upstanding stallions such as ourselves could do but to step forward and take responsibility for our actions.”
There were so many things wrong with that statement that Applejack did not know where to start, but she settled for raising one eyebrow and asking, “Our actions?”
“Such as it may be,” said Flam. “Although the foal is my brother’s, I feel that I should bear equal responsibility for his actions, for it was our earnest competition for the beautiful Marian that caused the environment in which Apple Sprout was created.”
“Ah still don’t see no reason why you two raisin’ a foal involves us Apples,” groused Applejack.
“For that, I must refer you to my brother,” said Flam. “He is the one who depleted our funds at the Canter Creek orphanage even to the last bit in our emergency cache.”
Flim kept his voice down while still holding the bottle over the happily feeding foal. “Only after you had spent nearly all of our money on the new project in Appleloosa.”
“I kept strictly to our funding limitations,” protested Flam, “within a certain margin of error.”
“And I tried to keep within mine,” said Flim. “Unfortunately, the matron of the orphanage in Canter Creek was reluctant to give up my daughter without an endless number of fees being paid, all of which had to be in cash.”
“She refused to honor our credit,” said Flam.
“We were slightly overdrawn on our bank balance,” admitted Flim. “Not to mention the hold our investors placed upon the nonexistent funds it contained.”
“Merely a few thousand bits,” said Flam. “We would have been able to pay the bank and the investors in Dodge Junction back twice over once the Appleloosa project was complete and the orders began to arrive.”
“Wait a dad-blamed minute,” said Applebloom. “You’re out of money? That’s why you’re here?”
“Not precisely out of money,” said Flam. “We do still have our petty cash fund.”
Flim hefted the foal up against his chest and patted her gently, resulting in a quiet and polite burp.
“Very well, now we’re out of funds,” admitted Flam. “That’s the end of our formula, and I’m afraid neither of us come with the equipment to make our own.”
For a moment, Applejack considered sending the pair on up the road to Princess Twilight Sparkle’s castle. If anypony could do make a spell to do that, Twilight could. Common sense triumphed in the end, and Applejack let out a sigh. “So, you need us to give you some money. Would a couple hundred bits help?”
“Yes,” said Flam.
“No,” said Flim.
“What?” said Flam.
“Brother of mine, we live a hard life on the road, sleeping by the roadside at times and eating whatever we can graze,” said Flim.
“Scamming widders and orphans,” muttered Applejack under her breath while Flim continued talking.
“I don’t want my daughter to be raised in that way any more than I want her in some orphanage somewhere being raised by a pony who only cares about the bits she will bring. I want her to grow up in a loving home, with a family who can give her the kind of life that Marian would want her to have. I want her raised by honest ponies who will teach her all about the value of a hard day’s toil in the fields alongside family, not by a pair of crafty salesponies who have to routinely leave town at night in order to avoid arrest.”
Flam stepped back and held a hoof over his heart. “Brother, you wound me. With us, she will experience the joys of travel all across the country, finding new experiences in every city. The cultural depths of her education will know no end, as every stop will bring new shows and new ponies to meet.”
“She’s just a few weeks old,” pressed Flim. “She eats, she poops, and she cries. Maybe when she’s older, we can take her on our journeys, but for now, she needs the love and care that only a stable family can provide.”
“Now hold on just a minute,” said Applejack. “We ain’t runnin’ no daycare. If’n we take little Apple Sprout in, it’s as family, an’ you can’t expect to just come a runnin’ by in a few years and pick her back up like nuttin’ happened and what am I saying?” Applejack took off her hat and smacked it a couple of times against the tree before jamming it back on her head. “This is all just some sort of scam for you two, ain’t it? And yer draggin’ a foal into it! Your own foal!”
Flam sighed and ran a hoof down his mustache. “I told you, dear brother, that we would not find any help from our extended family here.”
“You are correct,” agreed Flim. “It appears we have no option but to hit the road again and travel as far from Dodge Junction as possible with my daughter. Perhaps we can find some kind soul along the road that—”
“Hold on there, ya fast-talkin’ varmints. I didn’t say I was gonna kick you out neither.” Applejack tilted her hat further back on her head and glared, although some of the pepper was taken out of her fiery continence by the toothless smile she got from the unicorn foal who had suspiciously been pointed in her direction. “Ah ain’t gonna throw no kin of mine out onto the road without a bit to their name, big or small. We’ll take Apple Sprout in for sure, but you two ain’t in much better shape from what ya said, ain’t that right?”
“Well, Cousin Applejack—” started out Flam, only to have his ‘cousin’ shove a hoof into his mouth hard enough to hit teeth.
“That’s another thing,” said Applejack. “We may be cousins, but you ain’t gonna call me that, or we’re gonna have a discussion that ain’t gonna involve much in the way of words. You can call me Applejack, or AJ, or even Jacqueline if’n yer feelin’ lucky. Now, you wanna try that again?”
Once Applejack had removed her hoof, Flam took a quick glance at his brother, who was still holding the foal in his magic, then cleared his throat and turned back to her.
“Thank you, Applejack, for taking in my niece, particularly with the problems we have caused to your family. We both appreciate your kindness, and will do whatever you want to help support Sprout.”
“You’re welcome.” Applejack nodded slowly. “And…”
“And we would both appreciate it if you could find it in your heart to provide a pair of honest stallions a place to stay for a few weeks? Please?”
“Well…” Ignoring the misplaced ‘honest’ in his request for the moment, Applejack glared back and forth before looking at Granny Smith, who gave an encouraging nod. “We ain’t got no guest room available in the house, but you can bunk out in the barn for now. I’ve just got a couple of conditions, kin or not. First, you’re gonna tell Princess Twilight Sparkle every detail of the scheme you’ve got going on in Appleloosa and Dodge Junction. If’n it is a scam, you’re gonna pay back every bit you’ve taken from your ‘investors’ and if’n it’s not, I’ll be shocked. Ah’m only letting you stay here to keep an eye on ya, understand? Second, there ain’t no room on this farm for no lollygagging. Yer gonna work just as hard as any member of this family, particularly if you’re gonna need to pay back all them ponies you scammed, and you will. Ah’ll be writin’ a letter to mah Aunt Orange tomorrow to double-check your family relationship to the Oranges, and if’n yer lyin’ to me, out you go!”
Applejack set her jaw and waited for whatever slimy scheming the two brothers were going to try next. There was a lot of looking back and forth going on between them, with a great deal of fatherly/uncle-ly appreciation of their unicorn foal, who had settled down in her blanket bundle for a post-dinner nap. In the end, they simply nodded and sat side-by-side while waiting for whatever Applejack was going to say next.
“Well, I ain’t never thought I’d say this, but you two get washed up and come on in the house for dinner. I’ll take Sprout here and find a place for her to sleep inside.” Applejack reached out and took the tiny unicorn foal in one foreleg as Flim floated her over.
She was so much smaller than Apple Bloom had been as a foal, but then again, Applejack had been a lot younger when Bloom was born. A few curls of pinkish mane were trying to fall down in front of the foal’s eyes much like Babs Seed had always struggled with her mane. If it was a scam, and the Flim Flam brothers were so low down as to use a foal in it, they had picked one heck of an Apple to do it with.
“You are one adorable filly, Sprout.” Applejack tucked the curl of mane back over one tiny ear and smiled despite herself, although the smile went away almost at once when the sounds of rumbling and a powerful stench made themselves known. “Ah don’t suppose you two got no diapers in that wagon, do ya?”
* ♥ *
It was a long evening in the Apple home. Rumors travel fast, particularly when Ponyville’s Most Eligible Bachelor slips into town in the afternoon to buy a big bundle of diapers and some foal formula. After that, the natural speed of small town gossip informed the whole town about the new arrival at Sweet Apple Acres faster than Rainbow Dash on a sprint.
Even Pinkie Pie managed to throw a small welcoming party with punch and cake for all the visitors, because nearly every one of Applejack’s friends and neighbors had to stop by the house on some pretext or another in order. They all took time to goo and coo at the adorable foal, although she drew the line at Rarity wanting to take ‘just a few measurements’ and Pinkie’s offer to take her back to Sugarcube Corner to play with the Cake twins. Even Miss Cheerilee dropped by with the flood of neighbors bringing carrot cake or casseroles to celebrate the new Apple in Applejack’s family tree, and there seemed to be a new wave building in the eternal game of Assault on Big Mcintosh Mountain.
All of the single mares who took time to adore Apple Sprout took about the same amount of time to pay attention to Big Mac, seemingly considering the amount of metaphorical climbing gear they were going to need and which face of the mountain would be easiest to attempt this time.
And consarn if it didn’t bring a serious twinge of incipient motherhood to Applejack’s heart too when she looked down into those enticing green eyes and saw her own reflection looking back at her.
This was going to be far different than when Applejack was raising Apple Bloom, because she had never considered herself to be stepping in the role of her mother when fate had stolen away their parents. She had just did what needed to be done, a scared young filly trying her darndest to be as strong as she could be in order to shoulder the enormous burden dropped on her shoulders.
Even sharing that responsibility with Big Mac and Granny Smith had not kept that crushing weight from nearly breaking her. As much as she did not want to admit it, taking off for Manehattan to live with Aunt and Uncle Orange was more running away from her problems than what she claimed. It was a lie that had bothered her every day in the big city until it had all come to a head with a flash of light in the sky and a rainbow pointing back home. She had never told a single pony, particularly Rainbow Dash, but the day she had gotten her cutie mark and returned to Sweet Apple Acres was the day she had made up her mind to never leave another frightened foal alone in the big world without anypony to hold and love. Her siblings could go out and raise families of their own, but Applejack was adamant about her place in the family orchard without no stallion and no little ones of her own.
Until now.
Fate had a way of looking at all your best planning and laughing, and with all the laughter and happiness her friends and neighbors brought when they came to look at and play with the newest Apple in her family, Applejack was plum sure Fate was getting an awful good belly laugh out of this one too. Marian may not have wanted to be a mother, but now Applejack found herself in nearly the same position and was not about to abandon Apple Sprout when she needed a family the most.
That warm feeling of her growing family lasted all through the evening hours until she had chased out all of the guests and visitors, put Apple Sprout into the same woven wicker apple basket all of the newborn Apples had slept in as a foal, and nestled her up against the wall in her own bed.
“Good night, Cousin.” Applejack kissed the foal gently on her stubby horn and settled down to sleep next to her.
For all of a minute.
It started as a low snuffling sound. Then a sniff. And a tentative “waa?” One large inhalation later, it broke into the powerful solo of a small foal who demanded a bottle, right now.
“You are so much your father’s daughter,” grumbled Applejack while she picked up the crying foal and went to the kitchen to make the bottle.