Pohatu fidgeted on his chosen bundle of cushions, idly toying with a small bit of masonry and using his powers to make it float between his hands. His brother Kopaka sat to one side of him, with his sister, Gali, on the other. Across the relatively short table sat Twilight, Princess Celestia, (Pohatu was still trying to wrestle the concept of royalty into his mental image of social order,) Spike the dragon (who was taking notes,) and an unfamiliar stallion sitting stiff and upright in what seemed to be decorative, (if somewhat dusty,) golden armor. The latter figure had a pure white coat, the hair in his mane and tail was a pleasant, if militant, navy blue, bearing a streak of cyan each. On each hip was the image of a shield, the same navy color as his mane, bearing a pink-ish six-pointed starburst, and above the shield were a trio of light grey five-pointed stars: his "Cutie Mark," if Pohatu remembered the term correctly.
"Why have we been summoned?" Kopaka asked, shifting his position amongst his cushions.
"Because there are some things we need to discuss," Celestia replied, calmly, a cup of tea held in her magical grasp as she lay on her side. "Mostly, I am curious as to your thoughts about our present circumstances, and any ideas you may have when it comes to fighting Chrystalla."
"But, why just us, and not the whole team?" Gali asked.
"Yeah," Pohatu added, "I mean, if you wanted the full package of strategists, you could've grabbed Onua, instead. He and Gali are the wisest among us, with Kopaka providing the remaining intellectual support. Tahu's more of the type to charge in, swinging his sword, while Lewa is... well, he's Lewa, you know, in the same way that Pinkie is just Pinkie, and like her, he never stays focused on anything very long. As for me? I'm fast, I control rocks, and I kick things."
"But, from what I've seen, you're honest and loyal." Twilight interjected, sitting up a bit from her position. "You provide your team with support when and where they need it most, like a pillar. That's why I chose you, instead."
Pohatu nodded in acknowledgement, giving her a warm, sheepish smile as he leaned back on his hands a bit. "What can I say? Stone doesn't lie, it just is, and it'll do what it needs to until it crumbles to dust. Thanks, Twilight."
"If you're done flirting with my sister," said the armored stallion, earning surprised looks from the Toa, "can we get down to business?"
The Toa were silent for a moment, before Gali spoke up. "Mata Nui... You sound just like Jala back in Ta-Koro. What's your name?"
"It's... Shining Armor. I'm the Captain of the Royal Guard here in Canterlot, and former Prince of the Crystal Kingdom. Who's this 'Jala' you mentioned?"
The gathered Toa shared a glance, with Gali and Pohatu smiling faintly. "He's one of the Matoran villagers on the island we originally came from," Gali supplied. "I only really know who he is because I sometimes find him talking things over with Hali, one of the Matoran in my village. If I remember correctly, Jala's also the Captain of the Guard in Ta-Koro, Tahu's village. The similarities between you two are remarkable...!"
"In any case," Celestia said, before things could get further off track, "we're here to talk about recent events. If you 'Toa' are anything like the warriors that our Elemental Guardians were supposed to be, then I'm sure you would have at least some idea for facing our foe..."
"To be honest," Kopaka said softly, "I'm more concerned with how we're going to get back home, to Mata Nui. Our Duty is to the Matoran, and we've left them to face Makuta's forces on their own for nearly two days now. As such, I say we should find that Discord character Twilight mentioned, and make him reopen the portal."
"The Matoran should be fine, Brother," Gali replied, giving him a concerned glance, "I'm just as anxious as you about this, but they've faced his dark forces without our aid for a millennia: a few days on their own couldn't be much harm. And to be honest, our Duty is to help those in need, whether they're Matoran, ponies, or something new entirely."
"I disagree," Kopaka remarked, shaking his head. "Makuta only became more ambitious after we arrived, determined to completely annihilate us at every turn. Now that we're gone, who's to say he won't take advantage of our absence and seize control of the island?"
"This is true," Pohatu supplied, "he may well have launched an all-out assault on the various Koros... oooor, he could be waiting to spring a trap of his own on our return. After all, what better way would there be to crush the Matoran's spirit than for him to capture and destroy us before their very eyes, and then conquer the very world we had just returned from assisting?"
The ponies present at the table shared a momentary look of concern, before Celestia spoke again. "So, the die is cast... it appears to be in everypony's best interest to find Discord, bring him back to our side, and then attempt to stabilize both sides of the Crystal Mirror as soon as reasonably possible."
"Um, sorry to interrupt," Spike said, raising a claw, "but, there's just one problem: the portal's only open for three days at a time, and then it closes for 30 moons."
Twilight's eyes went wide. "Oh, no..." She breathed, her forehooves going to her temples as she stared at the table, "we were only able to go through when we did -- or, rather, Discord was only able to toss us in at that time -- because it was during that three-day period! And now, since the device I rigged up to open it artificially is back in my castle in Ponyville...!"
"Then we go and get it!" Kopaka stated, as if the answer was obvious.
"You don't understand..." Shining Armor said, leveling a glare at him. "Ponyville was overrun by the Shardlings a while back, which is why we're here now. We barely managed to get the Mirror out in time; we lost seven Pegasi Guards trying to get it out! And, given the size and complexity of Twily's 'device,' a mana cake would've stood a better chance in Tirek's cell than we would have if we'd tried extracting both simultaneously...!"
Celestia decided to step in. "Calm yourself, Prince Shini--"
"Captain." Shining Armor cut across her, giving the Princess a hurt look. "Just... just 'Captain' Shining: I'm no prince, not without my wife. Not without Cadence... Mi Amore Cadenza, Flurry Heart, I'm so sorry..." He turned his head away, and a faint sniff was heard.
"Oh, Shining..." Twilight hopped to her hooves, trotted around her mentor to her brother, then laid down next to him and put a wing over his withers. Celestia leaned over and wrapped a wing around the both of them as well. "Don't worry, Shiny, we'll find her. I swear, even if we have to go through Tartarus and back to get her, we'll do it. Not just 'cause you're my BBBFF, or because she's your wife: because she's my FS/BSIL/OBFF."
Shining Armor chuckled a bit at that point, giving his sister a confused look. "W-what was that last one?"
Twilight grinned and rubbed her head against his neck. "Foalsitter/Big Sister-In-Law/Other Best Friend Forever, of course! What else would it be?"
Shining merely smiled sadly and sighed, lowering his head a bit as he shook it from side to side. "You and your acronyms, LSBFF. Love you."
"Love you, too."
"I'm confused..." Pohatu said, being as unfamiliar with most of the tableau that had just unfolded before him as his fellow Toa were. "What was that about? Is, uh... is Shining Armor alright?"
"Worry not, my lit-- erm, Toa Pohatu, Gali, Kopaka." Celestia said, doing her best to ignore Gali's unconcealed interest in the touchy-feely display before them. "Everything is going to be fine, I promise."
It was at this moment that a there was a sharp hiss in the air above the table, causing everyone present to jump in surprise, and they looked up in time to see a glowing blue door-shaped hole in time and space had appeared. For half a second, it simply hung there, before--
"...fffFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU--HRKK!!”
With a resounding crash, a dark, Toa-shaped and -sized figure fell out of the glowing quadrangular rift in space-time, landing squarely on the table, which was unceremoniously destroyed by his impact. The glowing rectangular portal contracted into a line, then a dot, then returned to nothingness once more. The figure himself was battered, bruised, covered in scratches and some unidentified, foul-smelling, partially dried substance, and generally looking to be in a sorry state of affairs.
However, he himself was not unidentifiable, partially due to the color of his armor, or the large green symbol on his mask, but mostly because of his long rant of wheezing swears, curses, promises of vengeance, and other such nonsense.
"That's about the fastest something's ever gone sideways after I've let that phrase across my tongue..." Celestia muttered to herself, then raised her voice to normal levels so that the new arrival could better hear her: "Ah, Caldoric, glad you could join us at last. There are some things we've been meaning to speak with you about..."
"What, no 'hello,' no 'how you doing,' no 'welcome back'?" Caldoric asked, for it was indeed him that was lying on what remained of the table. "Just an offhand 'Oh, hey, we need to talk?' Celly, I'm hurt by your lack of obvious concern!"
Celestia rolled her eyes and said, in her 'I'm being polite because the situation demands it' voice, "Hello, Caldoric, welcome back to Equestria. How are you doing?"
"I was actually joking about that part, but I really am hurt." Caldoric said, still lying there. "Like, 'going into shock due to possible internal bleeding or something' kind of hurt: I'm lucky not to be a Protodermis pancake right now, man, and I feel like Tony Stark at the end of Avengers 1. I repaired my armor as best I could, but I just can't seem to fix up the carbon scoring on my right arm..."
Everyone's eyes went wide at that, save for Kopaka, who suddenly seemed somewhat aloof. "And we should worry... why? I've had worse, and walked away unscathed."
Caldoric blinked and gave him a confused stare. "I basically just got bitch-slapped by a physical god a little bit ago." He said, with Celestia and her ponies flinching a bit at his choice of words. "I doubt you could say you've ever had the same pleasure."
Kopaka raised an eyebrow. "Touché," was all he said, then activated his Mask of X-Ray Vision as Celestia lit up her horn and applied her magic to Caldoric's abdomen. "I'm recalcitrant to assist in this, however, after you absconded with my mask earlier." Kopaka then pointed out areas that needed attention.
"Wait, is that what the racket was about?" Pohatu asked, curious.
"So it would seem," Gali said, spreading her hands about a foot and a half apart as a sphere of slightly-radiant water formed between them. "But why would you take Kopaka's mask in the first place?"
"Should... should I be writing all this down?" Spike asked, concerned, as Gali applied the glowing liquid to Caldoric's side.
"No, he can still answer questions while we're patching him up," Twilight said, nervously massaging her lower lip with her teeth nonetheless.
"Agreed," seconded Kopaka, "now, why'd you take my mask?"
"You were kinda being a perv, that's why." Caldoric accused. That got everyone's attention, with various iterations of "wait, what?" or "what did you say?"
"Caldoric, that is a heavy accusation," Celestia said at last, her radiant thaumaturgical aura flickering momentarily with her surprise, "and you would do best to choose your next words carefully."
"Alright, alright, but I gotta explain something first." Caldoric replied hurriedly, raising his hands defensively. "See, the inhabitants of the Matoran Universe, while biomechanical, have no concept of... well, the birds and the bees, to be polite: Like, they don't reproduce. At all."
The ponies present were taken aback at the incredulity of the statement, whilst the Toa were merely confused, Pohatu in particular. "Hate to bring the bad news, Caldoric, but reproducing things is what Po-Matoran crafters do."
"Princess, he's prevaricating in an attempt to get himself out of trouble," Kopaka said, and the expression on his mask was one of displeasure.
"No, you don't understand what I'm saying." Caldoric continued, sitting upright, "Any physical gender characteristics the Toa, Matoran, and Turaga possess are strictly functional, like feminine agility and flexibility, or masculine strength and endurance: beyond that, everything's cosmetic, meaning they have no genitalia. They think of the word 'sex' as an adjective, a synonym for 'gender,' not as a verb."
"That's enough...!" Kopaka growled, reaching for his sword, though Gali grabbed his forearm in an attempt to stop him, her control over the silvery fluid wavering. Twilight and Shining charged their horns, with Celestia joining them in preparing to react in one way or another.
"They can't even feel love the same way as you can, Celestia, or the citizens of Equestria, or even myself." Caldoric rambled on with wild abandon, desperate to make himself understood even as half the healing energies focused on him faded. "The closest 'relationship' they can ever possibly have in their world would basically equate to 'friends with benefits' in this world, but without the actual benefits themselves."
"I SAID THAT'S ENOUGH!" Kopaka roared as he shoved Gali aside and breaking her concentration completely, then drew his sword to freeze her, Pohatu, Shining, and Twilight in place, finally sticking its tip under Caldoric's chin.
"Kopaka, stand down."
Celestia's voice was colder and harder than anything Caldoric had ever heard before, and had it been directed at himself, he would probably have stopped his own heart to comply with that order. As is was, Kopaka was the one on the receiving end, and it only caused him to hesitate for a moment.
Was there a sudden glimmer of green in what was visible of Kopaka's left eye? Could there have been a wisp of lavender smoke curling from under the back of his mask? In the flickering candlelight, and what illumination could be gleaned from the fireplace elsewhere in the room, it was hard to tell...
"Well, excuse me, Princess," Kopaka retorted, shifting into his equine Pegasus-like build and staring her down, "But I don't answer to you."
"When you're on my world, you will!" Celestia declared, about to let loose whatever spell she'd had charged. However, this brief exchange was more than enough for someone else to take action first.
BZAKKT!!
A flickering sinusoid line of blue energy lanced across the distance between the two unrestrained Toa, from Space to Ice, before it began dancing wildly across Kopaka's quadrupedal form, arcing and spitting however it pleased. As it did, Kopaka stiffened for half a second, then collapsed to the floor as the energy dissipated, his body shifting back to its standard bipedal form.
There was a small chirruping sound, and all free eyes turned to Caldoric as he slid something small and vaguely serpentine into the pocket on his leg, then got up and walked over to Kopaka's prone body with a look of concern (and mild pain) on his face. Without warning, he jerked forward and stamped the flagstones near Kopaka's head, then bent down with his hand extended. When he straightened up, he held the Toa of Ice's own sword in his hand as Kopaka occasionally twitched softly.
"Caldoric," Celestia said carefully, as if speaking to a madman, "what was that? And what are you--" With a crackle and a dramatic drop in ambient temperature, a ¾-inch-thick sheet of ice formed over most of Kopaka's body, covering everything below the neck. Caldoric then turned back to face the Princess.
"He's fine, for now, but he needs to rest... Hashtag: HanShotFirst." Caldoric said, tapping Kopaka's sword on the ice-boulder containing Twilight and Shining, which cracked and began crumbling. Soon, all that was left was a very cold pair of pony siblings, holding each other for warmth.
Two more taps on the two remaining ice blocks, and Gali and Pohatu were free as well. With that, Caldoric stuck Kopaka's sword, point first, between two flagstones near the Ice Toa's frozen form.
The Toa of Space sighed then, and turned to Celestia, blinking owlishly. "Sorry, I... Kopaka's fine, and should hopefully be back to normal shortly." He said. "In the meantime, I'm really feeling the need for a shower, so..." He then turned, as if to leave.
"You never explained how their physiology had anything to do with why you removed Kopaka's mask." Celestia expectantly interjected as she dropped her spell, which caused Caldoric to stop in place.
"Oh..." He said, with a grimace, "Yeah. About that... see, after seeing off those guys I summoned -- what was it, yesterday? -- anyways, I saw them off back 'home,' then decided to go looking for that Crystal Mirror and hopefully try to figure it out. Unfortunately, Lyra showed up and started following me: you know how obsessed she is with the concept of Humanity as a whole, and it seems she's become somewhat enamored with me. Anywho, I decided to go looking, room by room if I had to, and when the first door I came across was locked, I summoned a copy of the Mask of X-Ray Vision to see inside. Needless to say, I almost instantly regretted the decision."
"Why was that?" Gali asked, finally speaking up.
"Well... hold on a sec, I need to check something before I continue." Caldoric replied, switching his Kualsi for an Akaku and scanning the room, before settling his gaze on a tapestry hanging on one wall. "Uh huh, like I thought. Girls, get out from behind that tapestry."
"Who...?" Pohatu began, before the CMC and Screwball tumbled out from their hiding spot with a few shouts of surprise.
"But... but..." Scootaloo could be heard saying, amongst the grumbler of the four fillies getting themselves untangled, "how'd he know we were hiding?"
"Indeed," Celestia agreed, suspiciously. "Even I didn't detect them, and I personally scanned the room before we all got here!"
"Call it a hunch," Caldoric said, with a shrug. "The CMC tend to have a habit of finding themselves in places where they shouldn't be at the absolute worst of times, so I decided to take some precautions. Treat everything like it's a trap, and you'll never be surprised when you're right, yeah? As for Screwball... she's a wild card: an unknown, as far as I'm concerned."
"What I'm concerned with," Twilight began, "is how much of our conversation they overheard...!"
"Most of it, I think." All heads turned to Kopaka, who had finally regained control of his senses, and he seemed a tad miffed at being unable to fully view the people he was speaking to. "They arrived shortly before Caldoric did."
"He speaks...!" Caldoric said, raising an eyebrow. "Feeling better? Less angsty?"
"Brother!" Gali added, excitedly. "Are you alright?"
"I believe..." Kopaka began, "yes, I believe the answer to those questions is a definitive 'yes,' with a few addendums we can address later..." Caldoric nodded at this, then turned to the four fillies who were trying to slink off whilst everyone else's attention was elsewhere.
"And you three should probably be elsewhere, as long as it's not here or near a library for the time being," he said, gesturing to the Crusaders. "Screwball's probably exempt, being the spawn of Discord, but still: you're a bit young to be hearing what I have to say next. In fact, it's probably best if the Crusaders stay away from any libraries for the next month, and anything similar to a dictionary for the next three."
"Uh..." Came a voice from behind Celestia, which turned out to belong to Spike: the young dragon had hidden in the lee of the Princess once Kopaka had shown signs of aggression. "Why do they have to leave? We're all friends, here... right?"
Rather than answer him, or most of the questioning looks Caldoric was getting, the Toa of Space turned his attention to Twilight. "Has he had the, um... The Talk, yet? 'Cause it has to do with that." The other Toa present in the room exchanged confused glances, to no avail.
"O-Oh...!" The lavender Alicorn stammered, blushing slightly. "Y-yeah, we, uh... we had that chat after..."
"After I went greed-crazy a while back, and nearly destroyed Ponyville trying to build a hoard..." Spike supplied, awkwardly. "So... yeah, I see what you're saying there."
"...As do I, regretfully," Celestia admitted, her expression tense.
"So, all in favor of my proposition about the Crusaders leaving and being kept away from dictionaries and suchlike for the time being?" Caldoric asked, raising a hand.
"Yeah, definitely...!" Spike said quickly.
"Agreed...!" Added Twilight, followed swiftly by a "Seconded!" from Shining, and a hasty "Motion carried, by way of unanimous decision," from Celestia.
"Objection!" Shouted the Crusaders.
"Overruled...!" Came the unanimous cry of Spike, Screwball, and the adults.
"Sorry, young ones," Celestia added, softly, despite the disappointed looks the Crusaders were throwing her way, "but it's not up to me as to when you learn of... that particular topic: you'll each have to ask your individual guardians to tell you about it, but as of this moment, I feel you are still too young. So, for now, young fillies, I must ask that you leave this room."
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaawwww...!" Pouted the Crusaders, to no avail.
"Spike," Caldoric said, suddenly brightening, "if you look after them for a bit, only until I'm given leave to take a good shower, I'll let you take a look at some of the early Bionicle comics. Only up to what's current, mind you, but there'll be more to come...!"
There was much grumbling and complaining, but the CMC left the room regardless, with Spike watching after them, the promise of new comics too tempting to resist. Once they'd gone, the door to the room was shut, Kopaka was released from the sheet of ice he's been under, and the chamber was, for the moment, soundproofed.
"Alright, Caldoric," Shining started, once the spell was complete, "what were you going to say?"
"Well, after I looked into the chamber," the Toa of Space began, "I caught a glimpse of two ponies... well, they were goin' at it, really. I couldn't make out too much detail, because there wasn't much light, but I think it might've been Blueblood -- yes, I know who he is, don't be so shocked -- and some other pony. I couldn't make out the second one's gender or identity, but there were definitely some sort of bindings in play, so I can't say for sure if it was entirely consensual..."
Celestia and Shining's eyes hardened, while Twilight grimaced. "I'll talk to him later about that," Celestia said at last. "Continue."
"Well, I looked away pretty quickly," Caldoric complied, "because I'd already seen more than anyone in their right mind would want to see -- I mean, there were some folks back home who'd be interested in watching, but that's beside the point -- and I turned to leave, only to run into Kopaka."
"And you were still wearing that Akaku," Kopaka commented.
"Yeah, that," Caldoric continued, "and you got confrontational about me having it, and looked into the room with your own mask."
"Yes, I did." Replied the Toa of Ice. "I didn't understand what they were doing, so I tried to get a better look, but you decided to clamp your hand over the lenses of my mask. They're very delicate, and you nearly damaged them irreparably! I had to spend an hour readjusting them!"
"In my defense, I told you not to look because it was impolite, but you didn't listen, so I did the first thing that came to mind. I'm sorry that I had to do it, but I wasn't about to explain the birds and bees to one of my childhood heroes while he watched two ponies getting knocked up...!" Caldoric stood up then. "And then there was a chase, and I wound up in the vault, then you guys showed up--"
"And we found you talking to her," Twilight said, turning on Screwball, who smiled amicably and waved.
"Not a crime to ask a fighter to rescue my Daddy, is it?" The enigmatic filly asked, innocently. "After all, there's no fun trying to cause chaos with the situation all stirred up like this: Daddy and I need folks to be around and available to appreciate our talents...!"
"So we rescue him, and get him to re-open the portal, or whatever," Caldoric finished. "Great idea! Then we have the Toa Mata return to Mata Nui, and he resets the mirror to your version of the human world, and you grab your human counterparts for help...! Bingo, everyone wins!"
"Kopaka already said something similar to the first half of that plan, and I definitely agree with him..." Pohatu chimed in, "but it's the second part I'm not so keen on. We could definitely do some good by helping out on both sides."
"And that's the sign that I'm no longer needed...!" Caldoric replied, making for the door.
"Wait..." Shining interjected, "we have some other questions we need to ask, about the fight in the city yesterday."
"And what exactly were you all being so cagy about with that locked door?" Gali asked.
"Yep, I'm leaving now!" Caldoric blurted, scurrying to the door. "I'll talk to you about your stuff after I get cleaned up, and maybe get a bite to eat... I leave these three Toa in your capable hands, Celestia, so teach them well. Bu-bye!" And with that, he was gone... For half a second.
"Also," he said, sticking his head back in, "could you consider drafting up a restraining order against Lyra for me? I'd rather not have her shadowing me all over the place... 'k thanks, bye...!" And he was gone again.
Screwball was nowhere to be found, either.
"I'm... gonna go check on my tower, maybe reorganize my books..." Twilight said, and vanished in a flash of lavender light.
"And I'll... be around," Shining said with a nod, "seeing how many other members of the guard we have available, and such. Should I send the other 'Toa' in as well...?"
Celestia squeezed her eyes shut momentarily, and briefly massaged her forehead with a hoof. "Yes, sure, might as well. They'll all find out sooner or later, and I'd rather they learn it the right way, rather than as a garbled version."
"Learn what?" Gali asked, reservedly, as Shining Armor left the room.
"Probably what those two ponies were doing behind that locked door..." Kopaka guessed. "This ought to be interesting."
~~~~
Ian walked through the castle corridors, trying to find the nearest room with a shower, or at least a bathtub, so he could clean off his armor to some extent. He wasn't having much luck, and he was reluctant to use the Akaku again, just in case.
His attention snapped back to the present when a small white blur came streaking around the corner at the end of the hallway at about floor level, with the sound of barking somewhere close behind. The blur quickly streaked up Ian's leg and chest with a faint clatter of claws on metal, then came to rest across his shoulders.
The startled Toa barely had time to identify the creature as a rather chubby (and spoiled-looking) housecat before an excited-looking dog barreled around the corner, barking its head off and having a jolly old time. Soon, it too was getting in Ian's personal space, having jumped up and leaned its forepaws against his upper thighs as it stared at the cat.
"...Winona?" Ian asked nobody in particular, and got a bark in response, Winona smiling and letting her tongue hang carelessly to the side. The cat merely hissed in response. "And you must be... the one that belongs to Rarity. Sorry, I can't remember your name, little kitty."
The cat merely stuck her nose in the air, and Ian could've sworn she huffed indignantly. Winona barked again.
"Winona? That you?" AJ's voice came around the corner. "Where'd ya git to, ya rascal?"
"Over here, AJ," Ian called to her, and reached up to try and pet the cat on his shoulders. She wasn't having any of it, though, even trying to bite his hand.
"Oh, hey Caldoric!" AJ called back, coming round the corner. "Ah see ya managed t' calm Opal down a bit."
"Trust me, I think she's only on my shoulders to get away from Winona here," Ian replied, as the countrymare came closer to him. "Otherwise, she'd probably rather roll in mud than be near me."
AJ nodded and took a step back covering her snout with a hoof. "Ah'd hafta agree there, Caldoric. Ya kinda smell, 'n yer covered in... what in Tartarus is that gunk, anyway?"
"Bits of dead aliens that were trying to kill me. And believe me when I say it feels worse to be the one wearing it than to be the one lookin' at it."
AJ took another step back, looking wary. "Right... Uh, not ta be nosey or anythin', but... yer telling me ya killed somepony? Several someponies, even?"
"No, not somepony," Ian corrected, "in addition to the fact that that term is completely racist, I was referring to a bunch of mindless freakazoids called 'genestealers,' whose only obvious intent was to kill (and possibly eat,) me and the other Displaced that I was summoned to help. Now, if you'd kindly direct me to the nearest place where I could take a bath, or possibly even a shower, that'd be great. Amazing even."
AJ chewed her lip for a moment before replying. "Well.. Ah certainly believe yer tellin' the truth about that... or, part of it at least."
"I also got into a fight with a Void Dweller over some ancient warhammer thingy, and nearly died as a result. Celestia and Gali patched me up a bit, though, so nothing to worry about there..."
"Uh... that... unbelievable as that sounds, Ah'm not pickin' up any signs that yer lyin'." AJ then turned her head and nodded back the way she came. "Nearest spot ya can wash yersel' up at's 'round that corner, up the stairs, 'n it'll be the third door on the left. Meantime, Ah'll take Opal off yer hoov-- hands."
"Sure, if you can get Winona to back off a bit, I can bend over a bit." Ian replied, smiling. "And thanks for the directions."
And so, once Opal the cat had been transferred into the custody of Applejack, she and Ian went their separate ways. The Toa of Space soon found the bathing chamber that he'd been told about, and was glad to find that it contained a sort of bathtub/shower combination that would suit his purposes quite nicely. Being that he was used to having to remove whatever clothes he was wearing before bathing back on Earth, he felt wierd stepping straight into the shower without the normal "transition" period. Well, he did pause momentarily to remove the modified Bluetooth he'd discovered to be stuck to his left ear the previous night, and stored it in his Sylladex.
Guess that's one benefit of a society where clothing's considered optional, Ian thought to himself as he turned on the water, then shook his head. No, don't think about that, especially right now. Down that road lies only madness, and I'm not planning on going native anytime soon... A few seconds later, he nearly jumped out of the tub in shock.
"Why the hell is the cold set to the left side of the control knob?!? What the hell, world?" He exclaimed, then turned the water to a more manageable temperature. Everything's gotta be weirdly ass-backwards with these ponies... from their schizo-tech, to their lack of effective methods for controlling bad folks, to the way they set their water mains. Not to mention that they have paved roads in the cities, but nowhere else. I wonder why that is...
Once the water was reasonably warm, Ian grabbed the handheld showerhead thingy and positioned it so the flowing water could reach his entire frame. It admittedly felt wierd for the water to flow both over and under his armor, making its way through areas populated with muscle and machinery with wild abandon, though having no real effect thereon. It seemed to carry away most of the alien gore pretty quickly, save for some lightly dried bits, but he wasn't too worried.
In fact, he was actually quite content to stand there and let the water carry away most of his worries as well. It was the first time he'd really let himself actually relax since arriving. Mmmh... I should probably see if I can find that one library again... he thought, as he set the showerhead in its cradle and absentmindedly began dispensing shampoo out of a random nearby bottle into one hand. I need to make sure that Twilight hasn't tampered with the Alchemiter while I was gone... at least, not too much. God knows what she's try to "upgrade" it with while unsupervised. I really need to move it and the Crystal Mirror thingy to a more secure place so I can get to work on the portal... wait, hold up. What am I doing right now?
Ian took a moment to figure out where his hands were, and what they were doing: without his direct command, they'd gone into the usual routine of hair-washing he'd fallen into over the last few years, once again reminding him of the wires and cables that made up his new "hairdo." What the hell...? I mean, it's not even hair! Why do I even have that stuff back there, anyways? No other sapient species in Bionicle had "hair" like this, especially not Toa. The only ones that came close were Roodaka's species, the, um... the Vortixx, I think... And even then, it was all part of a headdress-type thingy.
Ian sighed to himself, and stuck his "hair" under the running water to clear it of the soap. Who knew what Equestrian soap would do to protodermis if left to its own devices...
"Fuck it," he muttered, shoulders drooping, "what am I even doing right now... who am I trying to fool? I'm no hero." He sat down under the shower's deluge and removed his mask, turning it so he could look at its front. A second later, he scoffed and dropped it at his feet with a clatter, shaking his head. "Useless: that's what I am. A fraud. 'A Matoran in Toa's armor,' as Makuta would say. I mean, I'm not even a proper Toa. I can't consciously control my powers, whatever those're supposed to be. I'm just a hodgepodge of ideas, now, something that was never meant to exist. Heh, talk about a handicap..."
One never know unless they try...
Ian looked up and glanced about, but saw no one else nearby. No visible source for the words that'd just... well, just dropped into his head. "What...?"
Different worlds run on different rules, yes...? So, find the rules of this one, then decide which to follow, which to exploit, and which to re-write. That's what a Knight does, yes?
"Ok, piss off, whoever you are," Ian said, glaring at the wall in front of him for lack of a more suitable focus. "It's not polite to go poking about in someone's head without invitation or permission, and you have neither."
One is glad to be of service, little flame...
"Out...!"
...
Silence reigned once again in the bathroom, save for the sound of the water falling from the showerhead, and, once he was sure that he was alone once more, Ian crossed his arms over his knees, rested his forehead on them, and just let the warm water cascade over his form once more, his mind idly wandering wherever it saw fit. This only lasted a few minutes, however, before the water ran cold, signaling that he should probably get up and face the world once more.
When Ian opened the bathroom door to leave, however, he was greeted by the sight of two royal guards standing on either side of the door, both of whom were unicorns.
"Ah, Caldoric," said the one to his right, "we've been looking for you, and miss Applejack was kind enough to tell us where you were. We have a few questions to ask you..."
"Namely," the other one said, pulling something from one of his saddlebags, "does this rag smell like chlorofo--"
He never finished the sentence, as Ian had quickly swatted the rag in question out of the air, simultaneously bringing his own knee up under the stallion's jaw, which made a distinct click on contact. Ian then shot the same leg backwards into the first stallion's face, and was rewarded with the solid crrrack! of metal meeting stone...
Wait, Ian thought, turning to look at the guard he'd just kicked, stone? What the...?
Instead of the mess of pulped flesh and shattered bone Ian had half-expected to see, he was instead treated to a view of how the area of "skin" he'd kicked had shattered and flaked off of the guard's face, revealing black crystals and a glowing green eye beneath. It was not a happy face, in other words. "Ugh, mother's breath,” the so-called guard exclaimed, glaring at Ian, "a blow like that would've sent most anypony to the hospital... Now I know why she wants you so bad." With that, the guard "shells" exploded off the two Shardlings in twin bursts of green flame.
"Now," said the second one, massaging its jaw, "come with us, and there'll be no problems, eh?" Ian looked between the two, and tried to formulate a response.
At long last, he finally spoke. "I'm... disinclined, shall we say, to acquiesce to your request, but I have a counter-proposal for Chrystalla." Ian spread his arms to the sides, palms up. "Tell her that she and the rest of your band of merry 'lings are welcome to acquire a few shovels, and use them to indulge yourselves in copious amounts of self-procreation, blunt end first." The Shardlings looked confused for half a second, before snarling at him.
"Fine then," the first speaker spat, "have it your way. But know this: once we're done with you, you'll wish we had killed you."
"Bring it on, bug-nuts," Ian countered, then used his mask power to teleport off down the hall. Once again, the chase was--!
He had barely turned the corner before he was tackled by seven or eight other Shardlings, which had been lying in wait for him, and were quick to relieve him of his mask.
Shit, Ian thought as one of them pressed a hoof to his throat, and others began using magic to hold down his arms and legs, this is bad...