It was a long night and a hard night, like something else that is long and hard: That one test a bad horse took in his quest to get a pony pHd. Oh and also a penis. Not yours though.
Okay so anyway on the night of the gran-- oh wait wrong story let's try this again okay so anyway this one time at band camp I mean sorry Camp Everfree oh wait this doesn't have an Equestria Girls tag. Shoot. Okay okay I can do this. Once upon upon a time in the magical land of Ooo. No no no no no NO! This isn't a crossover for fucks sake!
Author's Note: My apologies. Super Trampoline and I are both quite tired [EDIT: only Super Trampoline. The Admiral is fine.] And maybe slightly tipsy. But you didn't hear that from me.
Okay alright so Pinkamena Diane Pie had just visited Puget Sound which actually--and I just learned this about ten minutes ago--is near Seaddle, Washington, and Seaddle is the foaling place of grunge music which is really angsty, so she was feeling really really emo. Like emo enough to make a joke about Kurt Cobain's suicide, but too drunk to figure out what that joke would be. Probably involving Coltney Love. So she was really down to snort cocaine and cut herself. Jeez kids, if you're depressed, don't self harm. Just drink bleach and get it over with. If you're lucky you'll end up in Equestia.
Okay so Flim and Flam were themselves just getting back from jail, having been jailed for selling shotguns to depressed musicians. And they ran into Pinkamena Diane Pie on a balcony of the Casa Rosada while Eva Peron was dying of cancer. Jeez people seem to die pretty often 'round these parts. They could really use a dose of Flim and Flam's Miracle Tonic!
Pinkie Pie was really turned on by the sight of blood, so she stabbed them both. Thirty seven thousand, eight hundred ninety three times in the throat with a rusty screwdriver drink. Like literally not the orange juice and vodka drink, but shards of glacé from the drink and as they bled out they had a three way.
THE END