There’s a knock from my front door.
I don’t get up immediately. I wait until the banging stops, then I leave my room. I pass through the short corridor that separates my study of empty bookshelves from the foyer and inspect the blacked out windows of my home. I had painted them black after the first visit, and I never would let the light of the place outside into my home again. My lips curl into a frown at that, memories darting forth from the back of my mind. They’re tales from my youth, full of excitement and joy in the sunlight. I dismiss them the moment they spring forth, for there is no desire for me to experience such ‘delights’ again.
The thick oaken door to my home stares at me. I stare back at the gilded frame, momentarily admiring the craftsmanship of its structure. I had made it myself, after all. The banging starts once more, but I don’t move. I wait until it stops again, then I move forth, my bony, pale hands drifting forth from my sides to turn the knobs of the doors open. The doors creak, a sign of their mistreatment under my ownership.
A pony stands before me, not even an inch above my waist. His golden helmet shifts as a brisk salute graces his brow. His white hoof returns to his side. Turning, the guardsman retreats back down the steps of my residence. One of the two pony spearmen standing by my door shut it quietly with a click.
Silently, I follow the first royal guard.
The cobblestone paths of the capital pass beneath me slowly. I am left to be witnessed yet again as a daily act as the wealthy citizens of Canterlot eye me with looks of pure disgust. I don’t blame them, there is hardly time for bathing when all I can do is wait. There are a few tourists from beyond the pony capital, and they pause to snap photos of me. The whispers have died long ago, the first visit made sure of that. My eyes grow tired of wandering about the crowds lining the streets, and I look back over my shoulder at my home.
The old family home has fallen into ruin. It’s nothing like the place I grew up in with my family, but that’s my fault. I should have occupied myself with doing some form of work to pass the days, but I could not bring myself to such a degree. I toil the days away, simply waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Hallucinations appear, and I can hear my home calling out to me, it’s windows hissing in fear of the light, walls shuddering in pain, front door crying over and over, ‘fix me, fix me!’
I turn back around and I keep walking.
Our destination, Canterlot Castle, comes into view quickly. It’s hard not to notice the capitol building amongst the smaller spires of Canterlot city, but I don’t care much for sights. The first visit had thrown me away from the delights my previous life had offered, and taken away so much more than just the enjoyment of life. My hand clenches into a fist, but I remember where I am and let it loose.
We enter through the gate without even speaking to the guards. They already know who I am, and they know not to speak to me. There’s only one pony I can truly speak to. The one who rules these ponies. The one who sends for me every day. The one who cursed me. The one who raises the sun each morning, and drops it each evening.
Celestia.
The name runs bitter in the streams of my mind. I recall a time where I did not bite my lip to prevent myself from yelling in anger at the mere mention of her name, but that was years ago. My heart pounds in my chest as we pass down another corridor of the castle. How long ago have I been here? I don’t know myself, and I am glad to know that I do not know. How I managed to stay sane these days, I did not know.
Was I even sane?
The familiar throne room doors are opened by the two guards behind me. The guard ahead leads me into the throne room. I stand still as the guard bows low to his princess.
“Princess Celestia, I have brought—”
“Thank you.” She cuts him off, though it is not entirely unwelcome to me. “Please, leave us be Private Spark.”
The stallion salutes and leaves through the doors behind me. The two massive gates shut with a resounding thud throughout the long throne room. My feet remain glued to the red carpet beneath me, eyes locked on the white princess ahead. Princess Celestia. My teeth sink back into my lower lip.
The alicorn is a symbol of purity in this world. Her sleek white coat and feathers are pleasantly accentuated by her flowing ethereal mane. She sits on her haunches before me, smiling warmly. No, I realize that today it is a sad smile. I stare at her, eyes scanning her for the cause of such a difference. It’s different from the past days; this pure being is always smiling with the amiability of a pony. My teeth sink deeper, and though I don’t realize it, my lips are pursed into a lumpy line. She is not pure. She has done wrong.
I am her wrong.
“Goliath,” she begins sadly. “You have not eaten again, have you?”
I don’t respond; she already knows the answer.
“You truly need to get out of your home more often, you’ve grown even paler since our past conversations.”
I ignore her small talk and jump straight to what I am here for.
“Is it ready?”
She sighs. “Goliath… you must know that—”
“It isn’t,” I answer for myself. Both my hands ball into fists as I shut my eyes. “How long, Celestia? How long have I been trapped in this accursed place?”
She has an answer prepared. “Ten years.”
I suck in a breath.
“I still do not know how long it will take for my spell to be ready.”
“You never will know!” My eyes flash open as I hiss, “All I have done here is suffer and suffer at the hands of your citizenry!”
Celestia stands. Her wings flare outward at my aggression. “Mister Goliath! My ponies would never—!”
“I stay my days away in the darkness of my home because of your ponies! I have tried, Celestia, but this world is not mine! I must say it again and again: I cannot exist here, for it is simply impossible!”
The mare sits down again, a thick frown on her muzzle. “You never tried to befriend any of the ponies here.”
“Do not—” my finger snaps out to her “—ever tell me that those words are of my own!” I backed down hotly, my breath coming in heavy bursts. “The past has proven to me that nothing good may ever come of your ponies. I have seen it for myself, and through those short moments of suffering under the will of your people, I have experienced enough.”
The mare sits still, her eyes narrowing. “Enough to make what assumption, Goliath?”
“I will never last here!” I spin, hand gesturing around the room. “Look at this place! It’s a fairytale straight from a playbook!” I turn back to Celestia. “I don’t fit in here! I’m too alien for your people! For the other people! The minotaurs, the dragons, the griffons, I have tried your highness! You have tried to help me settle into every possible place, but there is no simple way around this.” I slump forward, hands on my knees as I sit there out of breath. “You… you brought me here… and... I am as alone as ever.”
Celestia stays quiet as I recover.
“I… I’m growing older, Celestia.” I look up at the mare, my sweaty palms still resting on my shaky knees. “I’m not who I used to be. This place has driven me to the brink of my character.” I heave myself upward with a groan and grip my back. “I only want to go home, Celestia.” My eyes brim with tears. “Please.”
Celestia looks tearful herself. “I cannot help you for now, John Goliath.”
Celestia steps down from her throne and approaches slowly.
“I have done my best, but there is no way to allow you a peaceful existence without your part.”
“Don’t tell me what to do,” I murmur childishly as the mare approaches. I don’t even shy away from her touch as her wings wrap around me.
“I will bring you back home, Goliath. I will fix my mistake.” Celestia nuzzles my neck, causing me to look up. I look into her beautiful orbs, but all I can see is the pain reflected in my eyes. I look away. “Goliath…?”
“What?” I mutter without looking at her.
“Perhaps you may try again in Ponyville.” The name rings in my ears for a moment. “It has been nine years since your last visit. Things have changed, Goliath. The ponies there are much more friendly, now.”
I look up into the mare’s eyes. “Are you so sure?”
She nods, a soft smile on her lips. “I am.”
My memories flood back to me. Memories of the visit to Ponyville. Memories of the peaceful countryside. Memories of the ponies there.
Memories of the first visit.
“A-Another time.” I chew on my lip discreetly as anger wells up again.
Celestia sighs and pulls away from me. “Very well, Goliath.” I stand shakily and make for the door, but Celestia speaks to me again. “I will see you again tomorrow.” She pauses. “Eat something, please?”
“Of course,” I mumble. I knock on the double doors and pass through them as soon as they open. I don’t look back at Celestia as she stays standing in the same spot that we had shared an embrace.
I return home and glance to the kitchen as I am halfway up my staircase. My eyes land on the fridge, full of foods that are scarcely used. My stomach grumbles, and I attempt to soothe it with one of my bony hands. I laugh a hollow-sounding laugh as I clamber up the rest of the stairs and head towards my bedroom.
“Another time,” I wheeze as the darkness of my room claims me again. I lay there on the bed, waiting for the day to pass. It’s only a matter of time until the evening. I shut my eyes and smile, the first in a long time.
Ponyville sounds nice.
Maybe I might try the ‘friend’ thing again.