“There. All done,” Star said, gently putting down the scissors.
I blinked. “This seems ridiculous. Won’t everypony instantly know I’m a filly?”
“They will if you talk like that,” she rebuked.
I cleared my throat. “Sorry. I let my guard down yesterday.”
“Hey, don’t apologize to me. It’s your life,” she emphasized.
I looked her in the eye expecting scorn, but I found compassion instead. “I—never mind.”
“What is it?”
“I mean, I wanted to ask if you disapprove. Trying to hide it I mean.”
She shook her head deliberately. “I completely understand. I don’t know how I’d handle announcing something like that to ponies I know—especially to children.”
“So what other choice is there than to hide it?” I asked.
“Transfer you to a different school and introduce you as a filly.”
I cringed. It seemed like a more watertight suggestion, so I reached for any flaw I could find with the idea.
“What if someone recognizes me?”
I mentally cursed as I remembered the ring.
“That’s one flaw with the idea. But we decided that preserving the relationship you have with your classmates and teacher was the most important thing. Although Princess Celestia doesn’t want you with another secret on your withers, I persuaded her to let you try it out today.
“I assume she told you to tell me this?”
Star nodded. “Why? Are you surprised? My loyalty to her is paramount.”
“You’re right it’s foolish of me. But I secretly kind of hoped you’d hold some of that loyalty towards me…”
“Well there’s one way to transfer that loyalty to you.”
“What’s that?”
“Take the mantle of our newest princess. I’ll be the first to join your guard.”
I must have looked deflated as she began waving her hooves as she started to apologize. “It was just a joke, Aron. I’m sorry.”
“Why are you so harsh all of a sudden?” I asked, slightly bitter at the reminder.
The pony blushed. “I—I don’t do it on purpose. Sometimes my words just come out wrong.”
I shuffled my hooves. This side of Star always perplexed me. It reminded me of my sister in a way—she had an entirely different personality outside of her job.
“Are you ready?” Star asked.
“To be laughed at? Sure.”
“Come on, Aron, you haven’t even seen yourself yet.
Skeptical, I trotted over to the mirror. My reflection took me aback.
“Well I’ll be… you’re right.”
Somehow, trimming my eyelashes made me look much more masculine.
“You sure you don’t want me to trim your mane?” She spun the scissors in her hooves “I promise you I won’t do a mom job.”
“No, I’m okay. I kind of like how it feels. If anyone asks, I’ll tell them I grew my hair out to play Celestia.”
Star looked like she was holding back from saying something. I didn’t know what that could be. Long hair wasn’t inherently feminine. I think there were warriors from a bygone era—long-haired Achaeans.
“All right, then. The Junior Royal Guards should be starting soon.”
I swallowed hard, and then I felt Star’s hoof on my back.
“You’ll be fine. Let me let you in on a secret: we ponies aren’t known for our attention to detail. The eyelashes were probably the only thing that would have given it away.”
“What about my muscle tone? This body is completely different.”
“That’s incredibly subtle. You’re only able to feel it because of your incredible body control and awareness.”
“I guess… but it feels so obvious to me.”
Star hugged me. “Either way you will be fine. If you get found out, just insist that you’ve always been a filly. They may find it hard to believe, but there’s no way they can prove you wrong. Most ponies would probably be more apologetic than anything else. You can then choose to stay at Canterlot First, or if it’s too much you can transfer out. You’ve got options no matter what.”
Just because I had options didn’t mean any of them were particularly appealing. Deciding not to voice this, I gave Star a complacent nod as she released me.
“By the way, there’s one more thing you should be aware of,” Star added.
“That doesn’t sound good…”
“It’s nothing big. I just wanted to give you a heads-up.”
“Fine. What is it?”
“Well, in order to perfect your cover story Princess Celestia decided to create a real exchange program based out of the castle. Ponies all across Equestria applied, and Princess Celestia somehow whittled that pool down to about a dozen. The first of them should be arriving today.”
I shrugged. It was better news than I was expecting. “Is there a catch? I mean, you probably want me to try and be friends with them, but if I’m not interested, will it really affect me?”
“I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but Princess Celestia worries about your safety a lot, Aron. You’ve already attracted the attention of some of the nobles, who wonder why Princess Celestia is paying so much attention to an exchange student she suddenly decided to put up. By inviting more “real” exchange students, you’ll be able to blend in.”
“I mean it makes sense,” I said, not knowing what to expect.
“If anypony asks, you need to tell them that you’ve been receiving friendship lessons from Princess Celestia.”
I grimaced.
“We need to explain the time you spend with the princesses somehow.”
I shook my head. “I’ll deal with this later,” I said. “It seems like more of a hassle than anything else.”
Star put a hoof on my back as I turned to leave.
“Just one more thing I promise. Starting next weekend, the Princess is going to host weekly events for all of her exchange students. She wants you to join in.”
“Fine,” I grumbled, shuffling towards the door.
“Really? That easily?”
“Maybe it’ll give me something to do on the weekend for once. Besides, it’s not like I have any choice...”
“You don’t have to…”
“Really? Then how will you explain it if I don’t participate?”
“Well…”
“Exactly.” I inched closer to the door.
“Aron, I—we… I’m sorry that it feels like you don’t have choices at times. The princesses want what’s best for you, but that’s no excuse for ignoring your wishes. I just wish I wasn’t so powerless…”
“It’s not your fault, Star. Don’t worry about it.” Honestly, just having someone acknowledge my lack of autonomy was something of a relief.
“I don’t know how, but I’ll make it up to you, Aron. I have a couple of ideas to start with.”
I finally crept out of the room, without answering. I didn’t expect much to come from it, but a cautious optimism wasn’t completely unwarranted.
Surprisingly I was early to the meeting. Thaumaturgical wasn’t there, so I decided to talk to the Swirl twins. For some reason, they looked like they were trying not to stare, but soon we built up a pleasant rapport. I don’t know why, but they thanked me for helping Squirt earn his cutie mark.
“But I didn’t do anything,” I said. “I wasn’t even a part of the discussion.”
“Don’t tell him we told you this, but Squirt likes you quite a bit,” Coffee said.
“That’s news to me,” I said, confused.
“Squirt liked hanging out with you the other day. In his words, you made writing that song ‘almost bearable,’” Latte said.
Reading my mind Coffee added, “The reason we’re thanking you is because having a kindred spirit around helped Squirt realize what he most valued. And apparently he has a special talent for being a skeptic.”
“Hang on. I thought it was rude to interpret other ponies’ cutie marks?”
“We’re family so that makes it more acceptable,” Coffee said.
“Also, what we’re sharing is Squirt’s own interpretation of his cutie mark, and that’s generally okay,” Latte explained.
Coffee smiled. “One more thing: it’s supposed to be taboo to interpret other ponies’ marks, but in reality, it’s something everypony does all the time.”
Wait, why are they…
“Anyway we have to go set up now. But feel free to let us know if there’s anything we can ever help you with, Aron.” The twins winked and trotted away. It took me a full second to register what they had just revealed.
Gradually, more familiar foals started to file in. For some reason many were staring or laughing.
“Hello. You must be new!”
I flinched at the voice before jerking around to face the vermillion filly. I didn’t know if she had gotten bigger or if I had shrunk, but somehow Bulwark looked more massive than usual.
“No, I’m not new,” I said, emphasizing my colt voice, which cracked. I quickly coughed to cover it up.
“Oh, my mistake,” Bulwark said. “I wasn’t here last session so I must have missed you. So, what brings you to the Junior Royal Guards?”
Star, you were wrong. She doesn’t even recognize me! What do I do?
Indecision gripped me. If I looked so different that she didn’t even recognize me, wouldn’t announcing that I was River Glade make it obvious what had changed?
“It’s always nice to see another earth pony. You know, we aren’t exactly common here in Canterlot. We should be friends!”
My blood turned to ice. I had never faced pressure quite like this before. One wrong move would compromise me, and I would publicly be a filly. Forever.
Bulwark didn’t seem discouraged at all by my silence. “Do you have anypony you like?”
“I… no—what do you mean?”
She smiled sweetly. “Well, I should let you know that River Glade is off-limits. He may not look like much, but he’s really strong and cool. I like him a lot!”
I blushed.
Bulwark laughed. “My, I’m getting ahead of myself aren’t I? I haven’t even gotten your name yet and here I am starting with the girl talk. I should probably look at your cutie mark before anything else… RIVER!?”
I recoiled.
“I—what? You… You dyed your coat?”
I let out a sigh of relief. So that was it. I had been so consumed by the big change that I hadn’t even realized my filly colors were new to the Junior Royal Guards. Bulwark, meanwhile, had turned completely red and was still blubbering.
“This is so embarrassing! I—I didn’t mean for you to find out like this. I tried to drop little hints, and I thought I was doing a pretty good job at being subtle…”
I raised an eyebrow. Her whole future husband talk is what ponies would consider subtle?
Though I recognized how embarrassing this situation should have been, I was so relieved at my secret remaining intact that I felt immune to any of the awkwardness. Unfortunately, my lack of reaction only flustered Bulwark more. Nervously, she started to rub her front hooves together.
“I—I suppose I have no choice now. Since I all but spelled it out, I guess I should confess now. Umm.. River, I really do like you. Sparring with you makes my heart race, and I feel so challenged—so alive. I just wish you didn’t have to find out this way. Why did you dye your coat, anyway? You look so much like a filly.”
“A filly put a color change potion in the drinking fountain. It was a ‘prank’ and I was ‘collateral damage.’”
“Don’t worry, though,” I blurted out. “I already knew you liked me.”
I wanted to dispense with the illusion that she had at all been subtle. The pony obliviousness game wasn’t one I wanted to entertain any time soon. Apparently, it was the worst thing I could have said, though.
“You mean you already knew!?”
“Yes…” I replied, tentative.
“Oh. Well…” she sniffed. “I know how to take a message; I know when I’m not wanted. If you care that little about me I’ll just have to move on… Sorry for not taking the hint.” Tears started to well up in her eyes and I felt my heart flutter.
Even though her mood swing was a bit extreme, I still felt my heartstrings being pulled by such a display of emotion. On an instinctual level, her sadness seemed to resonate within in me, and I almost joined her in tears.
“It’s—it’s not that,” I comforted. “I don’t hate you.” The reassurances flowed out of me reflexively.
Bulwark’s lip started quivering. “No, it’s my fault. I was too obvious. I should have realized you knew and that you weren’t interested. I mean, I’m older than you, so that’s a bit weird. Besides, you’d probably prefer a more feminine filly...”
Where is she getting all of this?
“You’re making too much of this,” I said placatingly. “I don’t hate you I just… wasn’t sure what to do…”
“If that was true, then why didn’t you tell me?” she sniffed. “Instead you just let me continue to make a fool of myself trying to get your attention.”
The surging empathy refused to abate. I felt her pain as mine, and I wanted to say whatever I could to get her to stop.
“I was going to ask you to hang out. I was just… shy…”
I had never seen a pony’s expression turn around so drastically in a single instant. With tears still staining her cheeks, she flashed me her biggest smile.
“Really?”
The second she asked I knew I had messed up. However, at the same time, I felt an intense pressure to not dash her happiness.
“Yeah... it’s true.”
I mean I was technically telling the truth, even if I was in no hurry to jump through courtship hoops.
“Are you doing anything after our session today?”
“Not really?”
“Great! I’m free then too. Let’s hang out then!”
“Wait, what?”
Bulwark’s expression became uncertain and she looked downcast.
“Fine,” I relented
She sort of danced in place before pumping a hoof. “Let’s meet at Kindred Spirits Park. I have to run home for a few things. I can’t wait! I can’t wait! I can’t wait!”
Fortunately, Stepping Stone interjected by calling everypony to assemble, saving me from having to respond. Still, as he took roll, Bulwark would occasionally turn back and wink at me. From other angles, there was also the occasional snicker.
“What do you all find so funny, now?” Stepping Stone roared. It would have been intimidating, but somehow the earth pony’s gentle nature shone through even in anger.
“It’s probably me and River,” Zap answered, combing her faded green mane. “A filly at school named Pestle pranked us with a dye potion. I kind of like trying out another mane color. What about you, River?”
“Uhh… yeah?”
Satisfied with this explanation—or perhaps because Zap had more influence than I thought—the foals of the group stopped laughing. I allowed myself a cautious smile. Despite nearly everypony staring at me, nopony had noticed. I considered that maybe the color change had worked in my favor by serving as a decoy. Committing this possibility to memory, I concluded that I would need to give my colt colors a test run before assuming my secret would be safe at school.
The good news was that there was no sparring today, so I was able to avoid Bulwark. But it just so happened that the exercises the guards taught us were downright scintillating. I was hanging onto every word as Stepping Stone explained how I could use these exercises to get stronger. Even though Star had taught me some of this stuff already, Stepping Stone provided new insight into what muscle groups were fundamental to ponies. I soaked in the knowledge and tried to visualize the muscles as we worked out. Unfortunately, my interest level meant that the lesson flew by, and before I knew it, I was staring down my inevitable date with Bulwark.
Once everypony had cleared out, I did the logical thing: run around aimlessly while yelling for Star.
“Star!” I called, pleading. “Star!”
This is bad. I don’t even know where the park is.
Besides, if I were to show up unprepared, it wouldn’t surprise me if I ended up engaged to her because of some stupid pony custom.
“STAR!”
“Yes?”
I nearly jumped out of my fur. No matter how many times she did it, her uncanny ability to appear suddenly at my side always managed to jolt me.
Inhaling, I blurted out what had happened in a single breath. “What do I do? What do I do?”
“Well you are going, right?”
“Well, yeah, I gave her my word,” I said like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Star smiled. “I understand that you’re nervous, but don’t worry. The hard part is out of the way.”
I was somehow skeptical. “Any faux pas I need to avoid? I only got the barest rundown of how it works from Princess Cadance.”
“Just listen to her,” Star counseled. “Let her take the lead and show you why she would make a good partner.”
I frowned. “But aren’t we just kids? Isn’t it too early to talk about marriage?”
“Not necessarily,” Star said with a wave of her hoof. “It’s not unheard of for special someponies to develop their relationship in foalhood. Pony dating is built on the assumption that in order to love somepony you need to be friends first. That’s the point of you spending time with Bulwark—try to be her friend.”
I looked down. She had said nothing to warrant any sort of confidence.
“I wish there was something I could say to make you feel more comfortable, but truthfully, this is one of the trials of foalhood.”
I sighed.
“I promise you, Aron, I’m not meaning to hang you out to dry. If you want any specific advice, I can try to help.”
I looked up. “No, I don’t really have anything. Other than not wanting to go…” I returned my gaze to her. “There’s something else I’m worried about, though.” I started to shuffle my hooves.
“Hmm?”
“I think my filly brain is starting to take over. W—when Bulwark started crying I felt really sorry for her. I really wanted to say whatever I could to make her feel better.”
Star stroked my fur with her wing.
“Aron, caring for other ponies isn’t a filly thing or a colt thing. You should take it at face-value—whatever the reason, you cared for another pony’s feelings. It’s a good quality to have.”
“But… I put her feelings above my own interests. I’ve never felt my emotions control me like that before...”
Star smiled. “You know, Aron, I actually know Bulwark personally.”
“You do?” A little bit of betrayal crept into my voice. Was Star looking out for me or for Bulwark here?
Star nodded. “She’s like a little niece to me. When I first joined the guard, her mother, Vigilant Heart, was always there for me. She took me under her wing—metaphorically I mean—and helped me learn my duties. I was so green back then, not much older than Bulwark is now, but she hammered me into something usable by the princesses.”
“Oh…” I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised that the guards all knew each other.
Star’s smile grew. “Aron, you say that you cared for Bulwark’s feelings in spite of your self-interest, but know this: since I know her and care for her, your consideration of her feelings makes me more inclined to help you. Your actions have reaffirmed you as a wonderful, kind pony, and I want to reciprocate your kindness towards her.”
Her eyes shone so brightly that I was compelled to look away. “It wasn’t anything much. I just didn’t want to say no to her after she started crying.”
“If it was that simple to you, then you deserve all the more praise. These things add up, Aron. Kindness you offer to other ponies often makes its way back to you.”
“But if you care for her, don’t you think it’s unfair that we’re tricking her into going on a date with another filly?”
Star put a hoof to her chin and started humming. I wondered if I had failed to live up to her expectations just now. I had basically offered an excuse disguised as concern for Bulwark’s feelings.
“Maybe… maybe you can tell her the truth.”
I cocked my head. “You can’t be serious. Can we really trust a filly with my secret?”
“I’m not proposing that you tell her you will be an alicorn, but you can tell her what’s true right now: that you’re a unicorn and a filly.”
I felt butterflies in my stomach at the possibility. There were so many reasons to hesitate, yet telling the truth—for once—did have its appeal.
“Actually,” Star said, weaving ideas together, “this could be a great opportunity for you. You can see how she reacts to finding out you’re a filly. If you’re comfortable with her reaction we can think of a way to tell your classmates. If not, then you can pretend that you’re still a colt at school.”
She had a point… “But what if she tells somepony else?”
Star grinned. “I can vouch for her, Aron. She’s as honest as they come. If a filly from a guardspony family gives you her word, she’s good for it. She’ll keep your secret if you ask.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Well, I know her family—”
“But is that enough?”
Star sighed. “Aron, when I say we’re close I mean it. I—they—Heart invited me to form a herd with her and her husband. They really are like family...”
“Well did you accept?” I asked, prying.
Star blushed. “Stout Defender is a very nice stallion, but he’s a little too old for my tastes. You know, just because I’m grateful to you doesn’t mean I’ll spill my heart out to you…”
“You didn’t have to answer,” I said playfully, earning me a nudge. “Anyhow, even if I wanted to tell her, how am I supposed to explain that I’m actually a filly?”
Star nodded. “Actually, Princess Celestia said something the other day that gave me an idea.”
Half an hour later, I trotted through the gates of the familiar park. Star offered to lead me there, but once she said it was the same park that Trusty had taken me to, I declined her help. I had some pride in my sense of direction after all. It made up a fairly massive open space—or maybe I was just that small.
I wandered around for about five minutes before I heard Bulwark’s familiar voice. In spite of my improved directional sense of hearing, I couldn’t find her when I turned my head. I must have missed her the first three times until she started waving, confirming it was undeniably her. She looked like a completely different pony. Her yellow mane was braided, her hooves were freshly shined and she was even wearing makeup.
She… she really did look pretty. Somehow, the care she had taken to look her best prevailed over the absurdity of seeing a pony in makeup. I felt somewhat guilty. Surely I wasn’t worth that much trouble. At that moment, it finally registered: this filly truly did like me.
Forcing a smile to my face, I trotted over to her. She had a small picnic blanket spread out and was sitting on her haunches. Mentally dividing the blanket into two, I imitated her sitting position to create perfect symmetry.
“When will that potion wear off, anyway?” Bulwark asked. “I had to keep reminding myself that I was looking for a blue pony with a scarlet mane.”
“Any day now,” I responded.
“Good. I like your real colors better. You look like a filly with those colors.” I must have frowned. “I didn’t mean it like that. I mean it’s obvious you’re a colt. I guess I haven’t seen too many colts with colors like those. I’m sure they exist, though.
I didn’t quite know how to respond to that, but my silence apparently made the filly nervous. “Sorry. I guess I said too much. My mom told me to make small talk, but I’m no good at that.” She blushed. “Not that I asked my mom for advice for our mingling”
She sighed. “Okay, I did, but she gave me more advice than I wanted.”
It took a lot of willpower to stifle a laugh. This filly really was honest to a fault.
“If my sister were here I probably would have asked her for advice, too,” I admitted. After all, even if our “mingling” wasn’t a date, I had rarely fraternized with the opposite sex.
I blanched in realization. And this time is no exception...
Bulwark tugged at her mane. “I hope I didn’t go overboard with the makeup.”
“No, you look nice,” I said. I had heard that genuine compliments go a long way with girls, and apparently that applied to fillies too, as Bulwark beamed at me.
Note to self: study my own susceptibility to compliments. This filly thing kept getting better and better…
“So… umm… the next thing is to tell you why I like you. I’m not too good with these things, but here goes: I like you because you are strong, dedicated and umm… I like that you push me to be stronger too. I don’t think anypony follows Amarezonian traditions anymore, but my infatuation from the moment of my defeat reminds me a lot of that.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that, and before I could, she blushed profusely and started waving her hooves.
“Not that I only like you because I want to bear strong foals. I mean I’d love to have foals with you one day, but we’re still so young, and I love foals, but that’s not the only reason, and I only bring it up because I didn’t want you to think my reason was the Amarezonian reason, but I brought it up and now you probably think and I—uh,” Bulwark’s mouth kept moving while her thoughts lagged behind, resulting in her babbling for several seconds.
I wanted to comfort her in her distress, but I was too preoccupied analyzing my empathy to act on it.
Bulwark sniffed. “Anyway, the next thing is why I think I’m a good pony for you. I should probably move on since I messed up the why I like you part. Umm… I think I’m a hard worker, I’m loyal, and smart—at least I think I am. I’m not trying to be arrogant. I just well…”
She looked at me with tears forming in her eyes. This jerked me out of my stupor and demanded I help her. “Bulwark, I came here for you. You don’t have to put on a performance. Be yourself.”
There’s no way such a corny line will work, I thought.
Of course, this being Equestria, the hackneyed sentiment immediately cheered the filly up.
“You—you’re right. If I can’t be myself around you, then that defeats the entire point, doesn’t it? Thanks.” Nonetheless, she continued to shuffle her hooves. “I suppose we can eat now,” she offered.
I briefly heard a rustling in some nearby bushes, and I automatically turned my head to the source.
Star, you’re losing your touch...
Returning my attention to Bulwark, I nodded and the filly fished two sandwiches out of the picnic basket with her mouth. At first I cringed at this, but to my relief the sandwiches were wrapped in plastic.
“Hay sandwiches?” I asked, trying to keep my tone neutral. I must have failed as Bulwark blushed.
“It might not seem like much but it’s a family recipe. Try it…” she said weakly.
Unwrapping half of the sandwich, I took a bite, and for the second time in two days, I was possessed by a rich freshness. There was a strong, sweet taste of raspberries, complemented perfectly by a creamy consistency and anchored by the dry taste of hay. It wasn’t quite as good as yesterday’s apple pie, but my expression hardly betrayed this.
“It—it’’s very good,” I finally said, figuring that it wouldn’t hurt to voice what she already knew.
She took a bite of hers before responding. “Thanks. We call it PBJ and hay. Most ponies are skeptical, but I’ve never seen anypony fail to change their tune after trying it. My gift brother has a peanut farm and he sends us regular shipments of his speciality.”
She took out a pair of red cartons and pulled a stiff plastic straw off of one of them. She then stabbed it into a foil target on top and took a sip. Curious, I mimicked her and was greeted by the sweet taste of apple juice.
“I heard from Spectacle that your brother had a farm. So, he makes peanut butter?”
“Yeah, he ran a peanut farm by himself until he met his special somepony, Jelly Jamboree. As you can probably guess, they make a pretty good team. Then, when my niece, Zucchini, was born they branched out their operation to honor her.”
Zucchini, huh? I guess that’s what happens when ponies hit a dead end with thematic naming.
“I still visit their farm on occasion. I help during harvest season usually. Making jelly by hoof is fun, but it gets to be exhausting.”
Noticing how much better she was doing, I prompted her to keep this line of conversation flowing. “Do you enjoy farm work?”
She slowly shook her head. “Not really. I love Peanut and his estate, but I know by now that the guard’s my calling.” She gestured to her cutie mark. “Protecting my fellow ponies and standing up for the ideals of Equestria and the princesses really resonates with me. I like how it’s more than just one pony—it’s all of us coming together to form a shield against evil. It’s a bit of a cliched metaphor, but I’ve always been fond of it.”
I nodded along. “I get it: the feeling of strength in unity. It’s about discipline and self-sacrifice.”
“Exactly. Of course, with your cutie mark it makes sense that you’d get it.”
I self-consciously shifted my flank out of sight. I never liked it when ponies stared at my false mark.
So far, Bulwark had shown herself to be on par with my initial appraisal of her. Still, I remembered Star’s hidden persona and how this could be deceiving.
“What do you like to do other than the Junior Royal Guards?” I asked.
She furrowed her brow. “Other than the JRG? That’s a tough one. I see it as an extension of my future career, given Stepping Stone already agreed to let me become an apprentice once I graduate. Well, I’m really focused on school right now. It’s hard not to feel the pressure as an only foal at times. I like reading though. We started studying the events of Maresailles at school, so I started to read the play. It’s really good.”
I took a sip of apple juice. “We just finished studying it at Canterlot First.”
Her eyes glimmered. “Really? What a coincidence! How did you like it? Pretty interesting stuff, huh? Not that I glorify war or anything, but Princess Celestia was so cool in how she handled it.”
“I guess, but I’m having problems with the critical thinking parts.”
“Really? How so? Maybe I can help!”
“I doubt it,” I quickly said, regretting bringing it up.
“Please. Will you let me try?” she said with puppydog eyes.
“All right…all right... The question was what I thought of the treaty of Quebeak. I didn’t really know what to put. I told my teacher that I thought that the griffins valued their traditional capitals too much, but she said that I didn’t understand how important they were to the griffins. I’m not sure what she wants from me in terms of ‘independent thinking.’”
Bulwark took another bite of sandwich, chewed and swallowed before responding. “For those of us with families involved in the service—I can obviously only speak about guards, but I’m sure policepony families are similar—it can be hard for us not to fall in love with authority. I know my parents oftentimes bring the chain of command home with them. They’ve been my superiors, and I’ve always had to defer to them. This worked okay at home and ensured a peaceful household, but at school it was hard to break the habit. When I was first starting, I only said what I thought the teacher wanted to hear, and other ponies made fun of me for this. My teacher was unhelpful and just told me that I needed to think for myself.”
“So what happened?”I asked, strangely invested.
“I realized that there was no right answer. What the teacher wanted was the last thing I would have thought: an argument!”
“You mean argue with the teacher?” I asked, skeptical.
Bulwark nodded, giving a knowing smile. “Exactly.”
“But doesn’t that undermine the educational hierarchy? They’re presumably our teachers because they know more than we do...”
“Actually, I like to think of it as a different way of learning. Accepting what the teachers say is one way of learning, and another is to ask why. It may seem like insubordination, but by asking questions and challenging interpretations you’re actually teaching yourself in a way. For instance, your argument that the griffins gave up too much taught you why the griffin capitals are so important.”
I scratched my chin. “I guess, but that was more of a case of me being wrong. I didn’t know those facts, and the teacher was just correcting me.”
“Not necessarily,” Bulwark said patiently. “You could have argued in turn that in the case of Strongwing Keep and Bravefeather City, the griffin delegates were merely trying to protect their family estates in the area. Those territories were relatively new acquisitions, so wanting to hold onto them had nothing to do with griffin history. At our school, we learned that every territory was unique and that there was no one reason why the griffins prioritized the eleven capitals.”
“So, Ms. Fizzle was wrong?”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Bulwark said, weighing her words. “Most of the capitals did have historical and cultural significance, so her generalization is accurate. However, by asking more questions, you get closer to the truth.” Bulwark wiped her mouth with a napkin. “At least that’s the theory anyway, but in any case, asking questions is a great way to learn.”
I still wasn’t sure if I understood, but asking questions to discover the truth had a certain esoteric appeal to it. Hearing Bulwark explain it in such sophisticated words raised my opinion of her as well.
I hadn’t realized she was this book-smart!
In a way, she reminded me of Liu, whom many Rhod boys had tried to win over. With Bulwark’s combination of smarts and strength I didn’t understand why she didn’t have as many suitors as Liu, let alone why she would be interested in me!
Such a shame, I thought, sighing as I comprehended for the first time an additional dimension of loss.
“Thank you. I’ll be sure to apply it in the future,” I promised. Though part of me still didn’t understand what she had tried to teach me.
Bulwark blushed. “History is actually my favorite subject; I’m a bit of an egghead like that. Although, it’s probably a good thing to know about me for our mingling. I’m so glad you asked me about myself. It sure beats trying to follow the script. You’re really good at this. It’s probably not your first mingling, right?”
I looked down, guiltily shuffling my hooves. “Actually, I just did what Star Chart told me to. She helped me prepare for today.”
Bulwark smiled. ‘You know Star?”
I nodded. “She’s the guard assigned to me as part of the exchange program.”
“That’s great! I didn’t even know. I had heard you were an exchange student, but I didn’t know they gave you somepony as great as Star to be your mentor. I wish I had thought to ask her advice… So, umm… River?”
“Yes?” I said, slightly anxious.
“I’m realizing that I talked a lot about myself, but I hardly know anything about you, so do you mind if I…?”
“Sure.”
“Thank you. I asked Thaumaturgical a bit about you, but I’d rather hear it from the pony himself.”
That traitor! He didn’t say anything!
“So, umm… you’re from a police pony family, right? What does that look like?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, for starters, are your parents monogamous, or do you have more than two parents?”
“Monogamous,” I said a little too quickly.
“Mine too, but you already knew that. Do you have any brothers or sisters?”
“I have an older sister and three younger brothers.” Out of laziness, I omitted the fact that I was only a few minutes older than one.
“Really? How much older is your sister? Does she have foals of her own yet?”
“Actually… yes. She and her fiance are expecting,” I admitted, still not entirely comfortable with the idea.
“Congratulations,” Bulwark squeaked excitedly. “Colt or a filly?”
“I don’t know yet...”
“Oh, so you haven’t been back home since then. I don’t want to pry, but I would’ve thought you’d go back home to see your little niece or nephew.”
“It’s fine,” I said, readying some half-truths. “She is actually very far away so I couldn’t visit her if I wanted to.”
“Oh, that’s too bad. Sorry for reminding you…”
“It’s fine. It’s only fair that I tell you a bit about myself.”
“What about your parents?” Bulwark asked, eager. “What are they like?”
“Very strict and orthodox,” I said before feeling a twinge of guilt. “Not that I mean that in a bad way. They were very dedicated to the cause.”
“I understand exactly what you mean, River. Did they teach you to fight?”
Somehow I sensed that this was the question she was waiting to ask.
“In a way, yes.” It was almost a lie, but my dad had given me geomancy tips on the rarest of occasions.
Bulwark blinked a couple of times before making eye contact again. “Do you mind if I ask you something personal?”
“Go for it,” I said, trying to hide my insecurity at the ominous question.
“Why didn’t your parents teach you earth magic? I would have thought they would try to pass that onto you at least…”
I took a deep breath. It wasn’t how I expected it to go, but the moment of truth had nonetheless arrived.
“It’s a bit selfish of me to ask, but I have to admit that my pride is a little bruised from losing to a colt who doesn’t even know earth magic.”
“Can you keep a secret?” I asked in a whisper.
“Sure,” Bulwark said, wary.
I leaned closer. “This is serious you really can’t tell anypon—anyone about this.”
Bulwark’s expression hardened and she saluted. “Guard’s honor. Not a soul shall know. My word is my bond.”
Satisfied, I brushed my bangs out of the way and waited for her reaction.
She did a double take, blinked, rubbed her eyes, shook her head, stood up, turned around and looked away and back. Finally satisfied that she wasn’t imagining it, her jaw dropped.
“How? Why? I don’t—how is that even possible? And here I thought I couldn’t feel worse about losing to you...not to sound self-centered I mean.”
“I assure you: I have my reasons. You see, I was the only unicorn in my earth pony family—the only unicorn in my village, and my parents were very staunch tribalists. They didn’t know where my unicorn ancestry came from, and they didn’t want to know. But, in any case, like many earth pony traditionalists they don’t trust magic.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Bulwark said. “That must have been so tough. So you weren’t allowed to do magic?”
“Nope,” I said somberly. “They insisted that if I was to be part of the family I would have to learn to live like an earth pony—to fight like an earth pony. In a way, it worked, I became very strong since I couldn’t rely on magic.”
“That’s almost too cruel,” Bulwark said, tearing up again. “Your magic is part of you--to deny you that just so you’d fit in…I don’t mean to say bad things about your parents, but I can’t understand that at all.”
“It’s okay,” I said. “I’ve gotten by okay. And besides, Princess Celestia agrees with you. I’ve started to learned magic from Princess Twilight.”
“That’s wonderful,” Bulwark said, clasping her hooves together.
“Anyway, I can understand if this changes your mind about me,” I said hopefully, rubbing my horn.
“Not at all!” Bulwark insisted. “I’m not a tribalist like your parents. You’re amazing! If anything, knowing that you’ve persevered in the face of such adversity makes me like you even more.”
I blushed before taking a deep breath. It was now or never. “Well, before you say that you should probably hear the second half of my secret.”
“Wait, there’s more!?”
I felt another sudden pang of guilt. There was actually a lot more I wasn’t telling her. “I promise you I’m not keeping these secrets for my own amusement. I hide the fact I’m a unicorn because I’m afraid I’ll be teased for being magically inept.”
“That makes sense…”
“However, this next part I keep a secret because I have no idea how to deal with it otherwise. You see—there’s no easy way of saying this, but I—I’m actually a filly…”
Bulwark did a double take and then forced a laugh. “That’s a good one. I’ve heard stories about fillies accidentally asking other fillies to mingle, but nopony would really actually make that mistake.”
I looked her dead in the eye. “I mean it,” I said in my filly voice.
Her jaw dropped again.
“This—this is my real voice.”
She looked down. “I—I can’t even…”
Without fully comprehending my actions, I instinctively approached her and stroked her mane. “Will you hear me out?”
Bulwark nodded weakly.
“It’s an old family tradition. As the firstborn daughter, my sister was always encouraged to marry early. With her carrying on the family line, as their second daughter, my parents always intended for me to dedicate my youth to Equestria. They wanted me to become a guard or a policepony. I could have my foals later in life. Until then, I was to live as a colt—to minimize distractions. I’m really sorry this was unfair to you.”
“No!” Bulwark said adamantly. “Don’t worry about me. I just can’t believe what you’ve had to go through.”
“Actually, I don’t really mind,” I said, shrugging.
“R—really?”
“Yeah, I mean, I’ve been treated like a colt for most of my life, so I’m used to it.”
“You mean, you don’t mind at all?”
“Nope,” I said with confidence.
The filly broke eye contact. “I don’t believe you.”
“Huh? What are you talking about!?” I semi-shouted, taken aback.
“If you were really okay abandoning your fillyhood, then why did you grow your mane out?”
“Come again?”
“You shined your hooves, too.”
“I—I lost a bet,” I stammered, using my prepared excuse.
“Really?” She asked incisively.
That caught me off guard, so I stayed quiet. Unfortunately, silence condemned me as Bulwark hatched a little smile. “I don’t mean to push you, but now that you are away from your family you can try doing more filly things. I’m sure the princess would want you to try and be true to yourself.”
I frowned. “Yeah, that does sound like something she’d say.”
She approached me and took my hooves in hers. “Does Star know?”
“Yes.”
“Good, she’ll help you for sure.”
“...maybe…” I sure hoped she was wrong about that. In any case, my confession had gone a lot differently than expected. “So you’re not mad?”
“Mad?” Bulwark giggled.
It suited her more than I thought it would.
“While it’s not how I imagined my first mingling going, I’m not unhappy with how it turned out. If anything, I want to be friends even more now. We have a lot in common.”
She scooted closer; I retreated.
Stretching out her forelegs, she announced, “Now that I know you’re a filly, I’m not nearly as nervous. It’s nice being at ease around you.”
You were doing fine even before that...
I considered voicing the thought, but decided against it.
“This may not mean much coming from a tomcolt, but there are perks to being a filly. I’ll have to show you sometime.”
“I’ll pass,” I said abruptly.
“Come on, at least give it a chance. Have you ever been to Maiden’s Paradise?”
“No,” I said, stating the obvious.
“Their massages and hooficures are to die for! They treat you like a princess. We have to go sometime!”
I think I’m going to get more than enough of being treated like a princess, I griped to myself.
“I’ll ask Star if she can take us.”
My eyes went wide in panic. “Uhh… no… that’s okay. I’m not that comfortable with the idea of doing filly things quite yet…”
“Oh, okay,” the pony said, undeterred. “In that case we should start small. Mind if I do your mane?”
Before I could come up with an excuse, she hit me with those pleading eyes once more. I didn’t know how she managed it, but a filly twice my size actually pulled off cute pretty well. Digging into her picnic basket, she pulled out a brush. However, in the process, a small paperback book fell out. Bulwark blushed and quickly stuffed it back in, though I had just enough time to see its title: My First Mingling: A Guide for Fillies. After a few deep breaths to overcome her embarrassment, Bulwark also pulled out a little blue bow.
“I think this bow would really suit you. It goes with your current fur color.’
“Actually, Bulwark, I have to walk back to the castle, so maybe it’s not such a good time to do my mane...” I almost tacked on “maybe later,” but wisely held my tongue.
“Oh, okay, that makes sense,” she said, disappointment creeping into her voice. “In return, mind if I ask you something personal instead?”
“Go for it,” I said, finishing off my apple juice. I figured she couldn’t get any more personal than she already had.
“Do you like Spectacle?”
I spat out my apple juice and started to cough. Bulwark nimbly ducked in time to avoid getting her fur soaked.
“What!?”
Bulwark giggled. “I take that as a no.”
“Why—why would you even think that?” I asked sharply.
“I’m just curious. You two seem close. And now that I know you’re a filly, I can’t help but see that relationship in a new light. I’m glad to hear you don’t like him, actually. Personally, I think you can do a lot better.”
“Thanks… I guess.”
“Does he know?”
“No, he doesn’t,” I said quickly.
Bulwark snickered. “That dork would probably turn into a bundle of nerves around you if he found out his best friend was a filly.”
“I doubt it. He already has somepony he likes.”
“Give yourself more credit,” Bulwark said playfully. “If it’s you, I think you could cause his heart to waver.”
“Thanks, I guess…”
“This has been really fun,” Bulwark said sincerely. “You should come over to my house sometime. Maybe this Saturday.”
“Saturday won’t work, dear. You’ve got your bowling lessons then!”
Upon hearing the unexpected mare’s voice, I felt a slow-drip of adrenaline start. Was my secret in danger? What was I supposed to do?
“What about Friday?” Bulwark asked.
“Friday I have to go snowmobile shopping with your dad.”
“Next Friday, maybe?”
It was around this point where I had figured it out. Bulwark, meanwhile was still going through the pony obliviousness routine.
“Next Friday we have the open house to go to. Next Saturday should work, though.”
“Okay, thanks, Mom. How does next Saturday work for you, River?”
“Uhh… Bulwark?”
She blinked a couple of times and realization slowly dawned on the tall filly. “Mooom!” she groaned. “Why did you have to follow me?”
I heard the rustling of some leaves and a small earth pony mare stepped out from behind some nearby bushes. Her mane matched her daughter’s, while her coat was a pale cinnabar.
“Sorry, Dear, I was worried. And I felt bad that I couldn’t tell you that your date was a filly.”
Bulwark looked betrayed. “You mean, you knew?”
Vigilant nodded. “Princess Celestia wanted to protect River’s secret. I had no idea she was going to tell you herself.”
Bulwark suddenly became uncharacteristically meek. “But… I could have handled it. I’m not a little filly anymore…”
“I know, Dear, but when Star invited me, I simply couldn’t resist!”
“Wait, Star’s here?” Bulwark asked, looking around bashfully.
Anticipating her appearing behind me, I quickly turned around.
“Hi,” Star said flatly, landing silently between Bulwark and me.
Okay, now she’s just showing off.
“Yeah, I probably should have told you, but Star has to keep an eye on me at all times.”
“Oh, that makes sense,” Bulwark said, still embarrassed.
“Don’t let us ruin it for you, Sweetie. Keep mingling,” Vigilant said blithely, returning to her bush.
Star nodded and flew up to a cloud.
Bulwark and I locked eyes and laughed. Needless to say, the two of them had killed whatever momentum our mingling had.
I knocked once and Celestia opened the door immediately, expecting me.
“Hello, Aron,” she said sweetly. “Sorry to make you come to me. Now that the other exchange students are arriving, we have to keep up appearances.”
“It’s fine,”I said, shrugging. “You’re a princess, so it makes sense that I come to you.”
“Ready for your first friendship lesson?” Celestia teased.
I scrunched up my nose in disgust.
“I was kidding.”
“I know, but even as an alibi, friendship lessons rub me the wrong way. So what’s up?”
“Nothing much. I just wanted to ask you about your first mingling.”
I rolled my eyes. “Didn’t Star tell you everything?”
“Well… yes, but I was hoping you’d share what you thought of it. Come on in.”
I followed her, and what immediately struck me were the modest furnishings of her private chambers. Her bed was to scale with her massive body, but otherwise I never would have guessed it was her room. She hopped and took wing, alighting on her bed to face me.
“So how did you feel about telling Bulwark your secret.”
“It was all right, I guess. But once she found out, she wanted to do girly things to me.”
“Hmm…”
“That made me uncomfortable, so I think I want to pretend to be a colt at school. I don’t want ponies treating me differently now. Especially the colts. I don’t think I’d be able to handle it if Spectacle, Beakington, or—heaven forbid—Squirt started to crush on me. Kind of a selfish reason, but—”
“I don’t think so,” Celestia said softly. “It’s natural to want to keep the relationships you have. Becoming another gender completely changes those dynamics. I’d understand if you don’t want to dive headlong into that complicated process.”
“I guess…”
A long pause passed before Celestia followed up. “What did you think of the mingling itself? How was it getting to know another pony better?”
“I liked Bulwark better than I thought I would—she’s smart, strong, kind…”
Celestia nodded.
“But that just reminds me of what I lost,” I said, bitter.
Celestia cocked her head. “What do you mean?”
“Bulwark’s perfect. Exactly the type of girl I would have wanted to marry.”
This took Celestia by surprise.
“I mean she has strong values and would have been a good mother for my children. But—but I can’t have that anymore… if I want children, I’ll have to bear them myself now—like my sister.”
Celestia opened her mouth to say something but decided against it at the last second.
“Aron…”
I sighed. “Even my own name is a reminder of what I lost. I should change it since I’m a filly now.”
This surprised Celestia even more. “But… it’s your name.”
“A name serves to identify. It identifies me as male when that’s no longer true.”
Celestia shook her head. “A name is more than that. It’s something precious and particular to a pony.”
I shrugged. “I don’t feel that way. My name is mainly there to assist others in talking about me. If it no longer serves that function, then it’s failed.”
“Then, you don’t mean… you’re going to adopt a pony name?”
“No,” I argued. “I’m still human in spirit.”
“But can’t you say the same about your gender?”
“This and that are different!” I insisted. Celestia wasn’t convinced. I wasn’t sure I was either, but I nonetheless stayed the course. “I can’t be Aron of Rhod any longer because I’m no longer Diane or Will’s brother. But I’d still like to think of myself as their sister if possible.”
Celestia’s expression hardened. “You don’t have to do this, you know. Nopony’s telling you that you have to rush to accept your fate.”
“This isn’t about that. I’m not doing this because I’m ready to start over as a filly. I’m doing this so my very name doesn’t stand as a decrepit monument to everything I’ve lost.”
Celestia looked uncertain. “I take it you have a name picked out?”
I nodded.
“Call me Alice. It’s what my mother would have named a second daughter. I’m not going to take it lying down, but I won’t deny reality: I—I’m a filly now.”
Celestia wrapped a wing around me. “Okay, Alice. You have my word that as long as it’s in my power, I’ll do whatever I can to keep you from losing anything else.”
I felt uneasy.
Did I just do something drastic?
Stifling my doubts, I looked Celestia in the eye and nodded. I wanted to believe it was a promise she could keep.