//------------------------------//
// I guess he approves this message? 
// Story: Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) 
// by Barrobroadcaster 
//------------------------------//


"I'm Dan and stay the fuck away from me."

You have a decision this election day.
YOUR vote matters. 
Your decisions, your choices will not only shape our country, but the ENTIRE WORLD.
You have the power. 
You can make a difference.

"And if you don't vote for me, I will kill you."

Sure, you could vote for some other candidate. Someone who says they'll support your ideals, your beliefs, who will fight for your rights and advocates issues you believe in, someone who says they care about you, your community and the whole freaking county, but why vote for them when you can vote for an angry guy who yells a lot?

"I once yelled at a STOP sign for so long it turned green and said GO."

There's no certainty that you can trust any candidate. But you can be certain Dan is a candidate you CAN'T trust.

"Other candidates won't tell you they're lying. But not me. I like you. That's a lie, right there. I don't even know you. If I did know you, I'd probably hate you. I don't know you, but I'm pretty sure I hate your face. See? I tell you when I lie to you, and I'm more honest than every other politician because of it. That's also a lie, so you know you can trust me."

A candidate who will put your interests first. As long as your interests are his interests.

"Do you hate Vice Grip? Do you want to punch him in his smug, prick, face? As your president/prime minister/emperor, I will devote eleven-hundred percent of our nation's GDP to fighting Vice Grip. I will raise taxes, I will raise interest rates, I will raise armies from drafted civilians and conscripted immigrants if and when I have to. I will also cut funding to things other people think are necessary like NASA, welfare and Congress.  There is nothing and no one I will not sacrifice to bring him to justice." *applause*

Never before has a politician promised to you what Dan is offering. The other candidates might fight for you, but just how far are they willing to go?

"I will break the law for you. I will break into houses for you. I will break into your house and break every bone in your body if you don't vote for me."

Some candidates will say anything to get your vote. But would they really?

"Did you hate Brexit? I'll make it like Brexit never happened. Did you love Brexit? I'll make Brexit 2: The Revenge(Tesco will probably be fine either way.)"
"Do you love Donald Trump? I'll have him build you your own wall! EVERYONE GETS A WALL!(may or may not be paid by Mexico)
"Do you love Hillary Clinton? I'll have her give you your own... umm... what was she doing again? Stronger together! Yeah, that! You can have that."
"Do you love Bernie Sanders? I'll make him your own slave! How's that for socialism?"
"Do you love Ted Cruz? I will hire a therapist to treat you for... whatever it is that's wrong with you. Seriously, get help."
"And finally, did you hate all four of these guys? I will launch them into space where they will never be seen or heard from again. You're welcome, Great Britain."

And you'll absolutely love his running mate.

"Hey, uh, I'm Phoenix, Phoenix Wright. And I'm pretty sure this is illegal. Really, really illegal. Please help me."

Vote for the candidate that stands for patriotism.

"Get off my lawn, asshole!"

That stands for integrity.

"She tripped on her face. That is my position. Nicky will back me up."

"I don't know him, I'm not with him."

That stands for rationality.

"I WILL KILL EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS!"

A candidate who can.

"That's it! We're burning down Ponyville and starting over. Whole town is tainted."

A Dandidate who Dan.

"THE DOOR SAYS "MUST REMAIN CLOSED AT ALL TIMES!" THAT'S NOT MY FAULT, THAT'S NOT MY FAULT!!!"

So this election, vote for the only candidate willing to do what's necessary. The only candidate that's willing to do what's unnecessary. The only candidate that is unnecessary. Necessarily.

"I hate it here and I hate every last one of you. So... yeah, there's that."




* DAN *
* WRIGHT *
* 2020 *
~Vote for me... or I'll kill you~




*Paid for by Dan-Wright He's Your President*