//------------------------------// // It's Fun Until It's Not // Story: Utaan // by Imploding Colon //------------------------------// "They... they've made contact!" Raptr wheezed, peering straight up from where he perched on the lower cloudbeds. He spun and threw his fellow wingmates a nervous glance. "Chandler's forces and Rainbow! Surely they've made contact by now!" Starstorm whistled shrilly. Following her gesture, the Talon and their rescued companions shimmied in opposite directions—just in time to avoid a hailstorm of loose weapons. Several battered swords and bent spears plunged through the cloudbeds beneath them. "That answer your question, rookie?" Windburst droned. Starstorm looked at their Commander. "Rainbow's allies have an impressive magical arsenal," she said. "No doubt they've just now whittled down the Central Guard to a tolerable number for hoof-to-hoof combat." "Yes." Keris nodded. "But not for long." He gestured at the two ships below that were still recovering from the runic assault. "If I know Chandler, he'll send the rest of the squadron back up as soon as they've gathered their bearings. Whatever Rainbow possesses, her forces will inevitably be overwhelmed again." Raptr shuddered. "Then it's just a matter of time." He gasped, jumping aside as a stray helmet fell past him from above. "Brothers and sisters of the Talon," Keris spoke. "We've done all that we can from a distance. The time has come for us to get involved intimately." "You truly think we should engage?" Starstorm asked. "Maybe we don't need to. Maybe... just maybe... at this rate Rainbow Dash and her allies will hold their own." Keris glared at her thoughtfully. "Either we intercept her or Seraphimus does." Starstorm clenched her beak. "Form up, Talon!" Keris perched on the edge of the cloud, tightening his wing muscles. "Our task is to stave off complete bloodshed! Pacify our fellow soldiers. Fight back Rainbow's allies. Do whatever you need to do to keep this fight from staining the ocean forever!" "Aye, Commander!" Starstorm nodded. Windburst cocked his crossbow. "Yes, sir." "As you say," Raptr added, getting into position. "But most important of all..." Keris glared skyward at the distant clashing and sparking of weapons. "...find Rainbow Dash. Intercept her. We must understand what the actual endgame is here!" Just before the Talon could take off— "C-Commander?" It was one of the soldiers that had been saved from free-fall. Keris looked over his shoulder. Several of the rescued guards had stumbled back to their hooves and talons. Standing crookedly atop the cloud, a pegasus in the center of the battered group cast Keris a weary look. "What's all of this that we're hearing?" Another soldier stammered, "You... are going to kill the Rainbow Rogue, yes?" "You've suffered the Blight before," a third wheezed. "Just whose side are you on?" "Yeah... what's going on here?" Keris replied calmly, "What's going on here?" His feathery brow furrowed. "I am going to do what is best for the harmony and survival of our great nation: Rohbredden. And I suggest you do the same." The Frostknifers stared blankly at him. So he added in a firm, authoritarian tone: "Stay here. Do not engage the enemy until the command is given to retreat back to Frostknife." "Re... r-retreat?" one soldier wheezed. "If you value your lives... and the future of your children... and their children... you will follow my command," Keris said. "If you wish to seal your fate here in the darkness of the world's end, then do whatever else. You have my word." He whistled at the others and— FWOOOOSH! —the Right Talon of Verlaxion took wing as one, piercing through the misty heavens above. The rest of the guardians stood alone on the cloudbeds, staring at one another. They trembled visibly—and with greater intensity as the unspoken seconds rattled on. Paralyzed by confusion and uncertainty, they watched east and west as more volleys rippled brightly through the air. Pow! POWWW! More concussive blasts thundered immediately around Chandler's armada from the impacting runic artillery. The rusted decks were doused with relentless waves of ocean water—even as the last of the fallen soldiers had been hoisted on board. Crew ponies and survivors alike scrambled for cover from the shattered ocean waves. A bodyguard clung to the side of Chandler's chariot as the vessel they were on rocked violently in the tempestuous waters. "Defense minister!" the griffon shouted, trying to steady both himself and the chariot. "There's no sign of them letting up!" "Where are they?!" Chandler snarled, thoroughly doused. He drained water out of his stupidly-large helmet and sneered at his subordinate. "How could they have such a clear shot of our ships?!" "All we c-can tell is that the magical blasts are coming from the east, sir!" The bodyguard sputtered as another splash of heated water drenched him and the Defense Minister. "But... to have struck so close to target this many times, they must have an unobstructed view!" "Meaning they've cleared the west end of the line of shoals before us?!" "Affirmative!" P-POW! A particularly close charge exploded off the port-side, making Chandler's ship tilt by over thirty-degrees. His chariot reeled—as did he—and at the end of the jostling motion he roared to his fellow crew members. "We can't just sit here in these waters, remaining useless!" He pointed at the aerial fight high up above. "The Rainbow Rogue is up there somewhere! I just know it!" He pointed at the gasping, sputtering survivors. "Get those soldiers to rejoin formation and flank the enemy above!" "Defense Minister—!" "They're Rohbredden's top elite! And right now, they're needed in the skies! No excuses!" He spun about in his chariot and peered east. "Meanwhile, both of our ships will take out the source of these artillery charges—" "Minister, they can't take to the skies!" the subordinate shouted. "Rrrrrgh—and why not?!" POWWW! As the ship reeled again, the soldier pointed at the dissipating plume of flame to their starboard. "That's why! So long as we're being pelted like this, no pony or griffon will get airborne!" "But..." Chandler fumbled for words. "...but we n-need to eliminate that artillery!" "I know, sir!" "Then... then..." Chandler gasped for breath as more ocean water pelted the ship. "This is what we'll do!" He pointed at the stumbling soldiers on the water-logged deck. "Take half of the crew! Assemble them into a strike team! Have them take wing—" "Minister—" "And maintain a low altitude!" Chandler sneered. "By my command, have them flock west and maintain position. Meanwhile, we'll cruise east and draw the enemy artillery fire! Once we get close enough to the enemy to engage, we'll launch the second half of our ship's complement to flank them by air while our ships make the forward assault!" "But sir!" the griffon stammered. "The first half that you send out over the waters..." His hawkeyes narrowed. "What if the artillery sends them plummeting into the drink? We could lose over a dozen guardians to—" "I don't care who lives or who dies!" Brye Chandler hollered, the veins showing in his neck. "If we lose the Rainbow Rogue, we lose everything!" The subordinate gawked at him. Growling, Chandler yanked him up by a few of his down feathers and snarled into his beak: "Send the first half of the squadron out now! Tell them to hold position while we charge the enemy to our east! On the double!" "Yes... y-yes, Minister!" The griffon turned around—stumbling as the ship was rocked once more—and approached the rest of the beleagured crew. "Listen! Defense Minister's orders! We form two groups! One will take wing and maintain position west of here! The rest will join the ship as we attract the enemy artillery fire! Once the heat has been taken from this patch of the ocean, the first group will reinforce our forces up above!" There was an awkward silence between the claps of thunder—both natural and artificial—as the dumbfounded troops digested the orders given to them. "You have been commanded by Verlaxion's chosen!" the griffon sneered. "And you shall obey! We shall obey!" At last, the hesitance dissolved, and several waterlogged guardians bowed low. "Yes, sir!" "Aye, sir!" "As the Minister commands!" "No time to waste!" Chandler hollered back as he gestured commands at the crewponies surrounding him. "Convey the appropriate signals to our sister ship!" He thew his hoof towards the blackened horizon. "We head east! We face our enemy until there is none left to face at all!" "All engines—!" "Full speed ahead!" "Eyes on the enemy! Find the source of that Blighted magic!" Lightning flickered. Waves formed. Steam engines roared with renewed vigor as the final stretch of ocean was pierced... "Bard!" one of the two sarosians stammered. The deck of the Stardust was strewn over with spent runes, and the air was thick with lunar dust. "The two vessels! They are approaching!" "Eeyup..." Bard had stopped steering so he could peer through a spyglass. He caught the battered hulls of the twin ships approaching swiftly through stormy waters. "Reckon we dun pissed them off." "Do you think the land-dwellers have spotted us?" "Hard to say..." Bard shuddered, tilting his spyglass up, up, up. "Not sure it rightly matters." At last, he spotted the hazy image of sarosians and griffons and pegasi fighting hoof-to-hoof in the air. He whistled hard. "Hells bells... now that's a terrible kerfluffle to be missin'." "We can give them cover," one sarosian suggested, sweating in the twilight. Thunder rolled overhead as his fangs nervously flashed. "I suggest we fire a volley up high! It could blind the enemy!" "Hell no!" Bard frowned. "And wipe out dozens of our own kind?" He gravely shook his head. "Remember what we planned. We wait for a signal from Rainbow and company. If they need us shootin' up the sky 'round them, then and only then do we follow suit." "Then what do we do in the meantime?" one sarosian asked. Bard exhaled heavily. He squinted past the distant armada. For a moment he saw—or thought he saw—the pale glint of light coming from Bleak's Plummet. "Everythang's fine, so long as they're gettin' a clear path to skedaddle, right, Amber?" "Mr. Bard?" He cleared his throat. "We hammer 'em, of course!" he exclaimed. "We hammer them rusted pieces of junk with all we've got!" He re-gripped the rudder wheel as he steered the Stardust around for a broad side. "Rainbow's group has their job, and so do we! Whatever we do... them vessels must not reach the Gondola before the Austraeoh! Got it?" "Ywm!" "Absolutely." "Good!" Bard gestured. "Now carry on with them fireworks, buckaroos!" He didn't find the time to smirk after saying that. Lifting his gaze, he stared forlornly at a distant clash of sparks—almost easily mistaken for the twinkle of stars. "Although... nothin's more distractin' than a griffon bastard with woodsheddin' on his mind." His brow furrowed. "Come on, Dubya-Cee. Dun be muddyin' the Desperadoes' name with anythang stupid now, y'hear? Cl-Cl-Cl-Cl-Clang! Wildcard's nightsticks ricocheted off five helmets and breastplates in a row. "Aaaaugh!" Two Frostknifers stumbled back. A third was tackled by an enraged sarosian. The last two angrily spun towards Wildcard and stabbed with their spears. "...!" Wildcard juked to the side, twirled, and hooked the length of one spear under his right arm. He backflipped, slamming the full length of his leg into his grip of the weapon. "Ooof—!" the soldier was jerked forward, losing his hold of the spear. Wildcard finished his backflip, flew forward, spung of the soldiers' backside, and slammed the blunt-end of the spear against the skull of the soldier's partner. CRACK! "Aaaaugh!" Both guardians fell, plunging past the combating bodies of sarosians and Rohbreddenites. The air was filled with screams, curses, and the clattering of metal. Still—somehow—Wildcard heard Rainbow Dash's shouting voice through the thick of mid-air melee. "...?!" He twirled about, goggles glinting from lofty flashes of lightning. Ariel was gripping a griffon from behind. Rainbow punched the guardian in the stomach, headbutted him, then joined Ariel in tossing the figure into a row of charging pegasi. As the bodies collided, Rainbow spun to face Wildcard breathlessly from afar. "Crossbows!" she shouted, pointing nebulously in a lofty direction. "Northwest! Up high! Rarity's sensed the barbed metal—" Wildcard was already twirling about, scanning the heavens. It took only two and a half seconds to find the tell-tale glint of serrated arrowheads. Above the thick of the battle, five members of the Central Guard has found a lonesome cloud. They perched atop of it, forming a phalanx. They notched their crossbows at the same time, eyeing Rainbow and the crowd below. "Crossbows!" Enix's voice could be heard above a bevy of screams. Wildcard flapped his wings mightily, soaring up towards the line of crossbow wielding soldiers. Just then—thwwpp!—he felt his whole body yanked violently backwards by his tail. A pegasus in gold armor gripped him from behind with a pair of thick-muscled forelimbs. "Grkkk..." The bruised and scarred Frostknifer hissed, brandishing a dagger to the nape of Wildcard's neck. "I'll have mercy, traitor... and drain the Blight from your corpse through one hole—!" With a calm breath, Wildcard snatched a whalebone spear from a passing sarosian and blindly shoved it backwards, jamming it down the pegasus' throat. "Grkkkkkk!" the guardian gargled blood, instantly releasing Wildcard's body. The Desperado sprung off him, sailing towards his destination above. But it was too late. The soldiers were already taking aim. "Incoming—!" Ariel shouted. Beak clenched, Wildcard stretched his metal talon straight out. Thw-Thw-Thw-Thw-Thwifffft! A line of crossbolts sliced into the meat of battle. Vrmmmmmmm! Sparks flew from Wildcard's magnetized joints. Sweating hard, he manipulated the arrows from a dozen meters away... steering them at a barely noticeable angle. Within half a second, their arc bent upwards... slicing harmlessly over the backsides of multiple sarosians and even nipping a few feathers and locks of mane-hair off. By the time they reached Rainbow and Ariel— Sw-Sw-Swissssh! —the projectiles had pivoted at just the right angle to narrowly thread through the thin space afforded between both mares' fuzzy bellies. Ariel and Rainbow watched breathless as the arrows shot around, doubled-back, and returned to the cloud of crossbow-wielding miscreants from which they came. "Get down!" "Move—!" One soldier was too slow, and an arrow stuck deep into his rear fetlock. Schlunnk! "Aaaaugh!" The others deflected with shields and breastplates. Cl-Cl-Clank! Stunned by what had just happened, they lowered their guard with awkward slowness. This was precisely when the mute Desperado chose to pounce them. CLAAAANG! His right nightstick slammed so hard onto a griffon's helmet that it split in two. As the others gasped, Wildcard knocked them aside with his shoulder, combined both of his sticks into a single staff, and proceeded to whollop, bludgeon, and concuss the remaining forces atop the lofty cloud. With pained grunts, the assaulted guardians fell off the cloud... ...and plummeted past Keris and the rest of the Talon as they flew their way up into the fight. "Whoah!" Raptr gazed at one flailing pegasus with a crossbolt through his leg. "These guys aren't dead but I bet they sure wish they were!" "Rainbow's allies seemed well-trained!" Windburst managed. Blinking, Keris watched a pair of metal objects falling past them. It was two halves of a single helmet. "... ... ...Jordan's here," he said. Starstorm flung him a surprised look. "He is?" "Don't sound so alarmed." Keris looked up as the fight grew louder and more violent in intensity. "It's the best news we've had in minutes." "Should we look for him?" Starstorm asked. "Odds are he'll find us first." Keris shook his head. "No. Look for Rainbow Dash. It remains our prime priority." "And pacifying this fight...?" Raptr's beak clattered. Keris' eyes narrowed. "Forever and always." "Well..." Windburst gazed around with his expert hawkeyes. "I do love me a challenge." Just then, his headcrest lifted as he spotted something. "Whoops!" He aimed his crossbolt at a pair of bloodstained combatants. Pffft! The bolt flew true, ricocheted off a guardian's helmet, and knocked the whalebone axe out of the sarosian's grip. Both soldiers were forced apart with a single shot, and their bodies went sailing off into the stormy malaise. "Well then!" Windburst smirked as he loaded another bolt. "Two down... only nine dozen more to go." "Keep focused!" Keris said firmly. "And stay together—" Before he could finish that statement, two sarosians pounced on him—shrieking loudly. "Whoah damn!" Raptr reacted. "Rrrgh!" Starstorm reached in, grabbed a bat pony from behind, and flung him sideways so that Raptr could give him a thick-knuckled punch. A loud shriek pierced the air as Starstorm tossed the midnighter towards the clouds below. "Damn loud, aren't they?" "Rrrrngh..." Keris wrestled with the sarosian that had pounced him, fighting the bladed whalebone away. "Less talking and more saving!" With a grunt, he bloodily pecked the sarosian's shoulder and shoved him off. Schiiing! Talons barred, he sliced the nightblooded warrior's weapon in two and blocked another charge. "That's it! Bring your righteous fury to us, Seventh Tribe!" "Stormy waters against impervious stone!" Starstorm added, warding off several more. "Goddess..." Windburst notched another crossbolt and fired it into the onslaught. "If we survive this shit, we're gonna have to make a damn Talon rule book about catch phrases!" "Yeah!" Raptr wheezed, fending off two attackers at once. "What he said!" The prow of Chandler's ship shredded its way through a swell of salt water... only for the vessel and its sister to be mercilessly pelted by charge after charge of thunderous runic blasts. The Defense Minister flinched barely this time, standing firm in his chariot seat. He and his fellow crewmates braced themselves as they cruised east along their turbulent path. They rode the crest of a rippling wave, and the fortuitous height gave them a spacious view of the jutting rock structures looming along the final horizon. Between the artillery volleys, the guardians of Frostknife spotted a moving object: the source of bright, twinkling discharges. "There!" a griffon positioned at the bow of Chandler's ship shouted, pointing a rain-soaked claw. He hollered into the thunderous air. "Towards our three o'clock! Moving south rapidly!" "Is it a ship?" Chandler asked. "Aye, Minister! A skooner! And a small one at that!" There was another pulse of light in the distance. A quarter of a minute later, two runic flares flew towards the two ships and exploded between them, tossing water and brine. "It's them alright!" Chandler's teeth gnashed as he gripped the edges of his chariot. "Signal the other ship to take point!" He shouted against the thunder. "Full speed ahead! We must overtake them!" "They... uh..." The griffon at the bow squinted. "What is it now?!" The subordinate looked back at the Defense Minister. "They're headed through the narrows, sir! Undoubtedly they're attempting to use the shoals for cover!" Chandler panted and panted. Wiping salt water from his brow, he stared up at the distant fight above and behind them... then back at the water beyond the ship's bow. "Is there enough room for our ships to make it through?" "Well, yes, sir... but odds are they've scouted this location already! They know the territory!" "And we know our pledge to our beloved Goddess!" Chandler spat. "If we don't take out the source of that damnable artillery, then our allies in the air will never have the chance to bring down the Rainbow Rogue!" "Aye, sir!" "We proceed!" Chandler gestured emphatically as he gazed at the sister ship gliding past their starboard. "Single file! Thread the needle!" His teeth showed as he glared into the glinting mists. "We'll rip their tinfoil raft into ribbons!" "Ywm! They're pursuing us!" One sarosian lowered his spyglass and spun about to face Bard. "Both ships! Single-file!" "Hell..." Bard spun the rudder-wheel in a blur as he brought the Stardust completely about, facing directly east. "I dunno what's stupider anymore... this plan or them!" "The latter, apparently—" "Shhh!" Bard steadied the wheel, rocking the ship into a straight glide as he aimed it into the heart of the rock formations. "Save the snappy one-liners to me!" He gestured with a free hoof. "In the meanwhile, use yer breaths for firin' them runes!" One sarosian cocked another bleakweed cannon while the other faced the Desperado. "Should we aim for our pursuers?" "Nuh-uh!" Bard shook his head. The wet wind blew his ponytail in a brown blur. "They need to think they're headed towards a victory!" His eyes reflected a pair of wooden shipwrecks flanking a narrow strait of choppy water. "Keep firin' at what really ruffles their feathers!" He swung his hoof at the booming twilight. "Give them sky varmints a migraine!" "Ywm!" The other sarosian grabbed a cannon and began priming it. Bard exhaled as he guided the Stardust through the shipwrecks. "In a moment... we ain't the only ones who're gonna be split up." The nightblooded ponies aimed west, tilted their cannons up, and shouted: "M'wynhrm!" "M'wynhrm!!!" P-POW! KAPOW! Runic explosions pelted the fringes of the midair melee. As Frostknifers reeled, Ariel barreled through the bunch, bucking and kicking multiple skulls along the way. "Nrnnngh!" Whack! "Httt!" Th-Thwap! She nimbly dodged a thrown spear, curved around a lunging griffon, then ended with an uppercut against a charging griffon. "Raaaaugh!" Thokk! The griffon—however—recovered from the monumental blow. Beak bleeding, the muscular combatant suddenly loomed above Ariel, glaring her down as the battle clashed all around them. "I am the might of Rohbredden, blighted one. You cannot stop me—" Just then—from behind—a sky-blue hoof slammed up right between the griffon's rear legs. The soldier's hawkeyes crossed. With a pitiful whimper, his meaty figure plunged through the clouds, revealing Rainbow Dash behind him, dusting off her fetlocks. "Go home!" she shouted after the plummeting body. "And have fun settling 'Falsetto Prefecture!'" Ariel exhaled through a shudder. "Must you always one-up me?" "You love it, girl." "Yeah, well..." Ariel hovered back-to-back with her as the two eyed the chaotic battle around them. "There's a time and a place." "You friggin' kidding me?" Rainbow Dash reached out and punched a random pegasus. She dodged a swinging blade and kicked a Frostknifer in the chest. "Grnngh... take it from an adventure veteran!" She headbutted a griffon and shoved his body into another passing soldier. "It's only times like this when you actually get to enjoy yourself!" "Yeah?!" Ariel hissed through her teeth as she elbowed one guard and parried the swinging talon of a griffon. "And what about when things are—grggghhh—peaceful?!" Whack! Rainbow punched another soldier in the face and wheezed. "That's when all you get to do is think..." Her ears drooped. "...and regret." "Well then!" Ariel caught a falling spear, twirled it, and deflected two more attacks from the flank. Cl-Clank! Klak! "Who's for an endless fight scene, huh?" "Haaaaaugh!" Rainbow visciously vaulted over Ariel's figure and slammed the two attackers hard in their skulls, knocking them into the dissipating clouds below. As lightning and flares exploded, she panted and glanced over her shoulder at Ariel. "...not with an elevator to the Dark Side waiting for us." Ariel gulped, nodding into the sudden break in combat. "How's that looking, by the way?" "Good question!" Rainbow twirled about, her ruby eyes refocusing on the misty air around her. "Girls?" Twilight Sparkle hovered into view. "It's coming, Rainbow Dash! But..." "It's not here yet!" Pinkie Pie shook her head vigorously. "Not by a long shot—" An angry hoof phased through her fuchsia face. "Grkkk!" Rainbow raised both fetlocks, blocking the random soldier's attack at the last second. Ariel soared around her back and yanked the soldier's helmet completely around, blinding him. Rainbow punished him with a heavy kick into the skull—sending him seaward. "Bard?!" she managed between heaving breaths. "The Stardust?!" "Heading east through the shoals, darling!" Rarity stammered, jittery. "They're not alone!" Rainbow gulped, gazing at the frenzied bodies battling all around her and Ariel. "Chandler?" "Pursuing rapidly!" Rarity exclaimed. "They're approaching the runic trap that our bat pony friends have set!" "Well, alright!" Applejack grinned wide, tipping her hat. "Reckon we can kiss his convoy good bye—" "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiie!" Fluttershy suddenly screamed at the top of her lungs, gripping her skull hard. "...!!!" Rainbow Dash spun around, eyes wide. "Fluttershy?!" Twilight gasped. "Mmmmmmm—!" the ghostly mare plunged. Pinkie Pie and Rarity swiftly steadied her, their faces awash in concern. "Oh no..." Fluttershy whimpered. "Oh no no no no no no..." "Fluttershy, what's the matter?" Twilight asked. Rainbow was too busy gawking at her friends to notice an enraged pegasus with a spear charging at her from clear across the clouds. "Rainbow, watch your six!" Ariel shouted, wrestling with a griffon. When Rainbow didn't flinch, the Heraldite spat: "Rainbow!" Still, no response. Snarling, Ariel shoved off the griffon, cartwheeled over Rainbow's figure, and came down in time to drop-kick the charging pegasus. "Hrnnngh!" Whack! The enemy's body went plummeting. Rainbow snapped out of it. She twirled about to face the griffon that Ariel had been tackling—only to see Wildcard slamming into him from behind. After the Desperado's save, Rainbow and Ariel were alone again. Panting, Rainbow faced her ghostly companions with a worried expression. "Fluttershy... talk to us!" "What's the matter?" Ariel sputtered. Rainbow gulped. "Are we losing midnighters?" Fluttershy's eyes peeked out through a curtain of pink hair. "A wave of d-death..." Shrunken pupils. Tears brimming. "...coming right this way." Rainbow blinked. She paled...