Chapter 20: Nope, Not Doing This
"What do you need to make an arrest?" My friend john asked.
"Probable cause, come on man give me a hard one." I said to him. I mean I need to ace this exam or I'm losing my scholarship and I do not want to be paying for college!
"Alright then, what's the difference between murder of the first degree and the second?"
"Premeditation and...and...shit." I had completely forgot the second thing. I needed this class to pass and I'm forgetting half a fucking question! How can I ace this thing if I'm forgetting parts of questions?! How am I going to pass anything if I keep forgetting-
"Your legal system is quite similar to ours from my understanding." Some weird blue girl said beside me...wait a minute!
"OH SHIT!" I shouted as I fell out of my chair into the floor. "WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU BLUE!"
"It is my natural fur color." She said rather calmly for being FUCKING BLUE!
"Hair ain't naturally blue, and I'm talking about your fucking skin!" I continued to shout at the woman with clearly mixed priorities. She's more worried about her fucking hair than he fucking skin! "Don't just stand there john, call a fucking doctor or something!"
It was at this moment I realized that john had stopped moving himself. I finally realized why the woman was both blue and calm about the fact that she could have some severe form of hypothermia. She was very clearly a demon! So I had to handle this situation in a calm manner and be tactful in what I said.
"BE GONE SATAN!" I shouted before throwing my book at her and ran out of my fucking dorm.
***Back in reality***
*SMACK* "OH GOD MY PRETTY FACE!" I shouted after something that felt like a brick smashed into my face!
"Wake up James!" I heard bonny shout into my ear before another brick smacked my face. "Wake u-"
"Do NOT smack me again!" I said while darting up to avoid the wrath of a demon with hooves! Those things looked all soft and marshmallowy at first glance but nope they're just as hard as normal hooves, maybe harder. Actually her hooves look just look like the rest of her leg and now that I think about it it's kinda freaking me out. I mean wouldn't that feel like just walking on you're leg without a foot? Would that hurt or just make walking-
"JAMES!" Bonny shouted in my ear again.
"BONNY! See I can shout your name too! Now what is so important I have to go deaf for?!"
"We're trapped." She said before pointing to a door...with bars... I took a long deep breath before I did the only sensible thing at the moment, PANIC!
"why are we trapped in here?! What if we get left in here to starve to death? What if The others don't find us down here? oh god, what if this is some sadistic game like in those old movies where we have to kill each other to escape?! I'm sorry Bonny but fuck that game, monopoly is better at draining all hope. how are we going to get out of here while playing monopoly anyway? Would the one that loses have to sell their feet? That'd be horrible! and why are you letting me panic for this long? Seriously I need-"
"SHUT UP!" Another voice came from outside the door. "James infuriating!"
"Oi, open the door then so we can talk!" I shouted but the real plan was to kick his ass when that door opened!
"Fuck, that." the voice said with that stupid pause between words.
"Why the hell do people do that pause thing anyway? it doesn't make you cool, it's just stupid." I thought to myself.
"You're stupid." The voice said outside.
"Oi, stay out of my head!"
"you said it allowed James." Bonny corrected me.
"I call bullshit! I might not be the most intelligent person but I know that I didn't say that out loud!" I told her before I heard the door click. That means one of two things, I unlocked it with pure unadulterated sarcasm or the guy decided to come in. After Two of those big grey things walked in, I figured out it was the latter. Maybe a mix of the two actually.
"I am alpha Maxwell." The larger of the two dogs said which gave me a glimpse at those things it calls teeth. I mean Jesus they were huge! His breath wasn't much better either because that mother fucker smelled terrible! Like a mix of rotting meat and...something else disgusting and terrible smelling!
"I'm James and-"
"We know you're James." Maxwell said before giving me a toothy grin. "Some dogs enjoy show." He explained which explained the whole not dead thing.
"This is BonBon." I finished while glaring at the dog. He seemed to only have noticed her now before looking to his friend there and literally barked at him. The other dog started to move towards bonny until I stepped in the way. "let me correct myself, this is BonBon, my friend."
Oh god I did that stupid pause thing! Though it did give the dog some pause before Maxwell over there barked again and I was shoved out of the way and he through Bonny over his shoulder and started walking towards the door.
"OI! You have 3 seconds to drop her before I make myself a dog fur hat!" I said as I got back up with one of the random rocks lying around.
"She'll be fine." Maxwell tried to reassure me before killing his own argument. "she only going to mine gems for dogs."
"so you're taking her to mine for gems by force?"
"yes."
"Isn't that slavery."
"yes."
"And you expect me to be fine with that?" I asked to clarify this whole situation.
"yes." he said again.
"Why exactly?" I asked as I held up the rock. "I can just beat your skull in with this, you know?"
"Because I have claws." Maxwell said before showing off fucking big ass claws that looked sharper than his fucking teeth! That some dogs he was talking about being fans clearly didn't include him.
"Great, so you want you're legs broken first or your arms?" I wasn't really asking because you know, I'm breaking both eventually so it didn't really matter which I broke first and- SOMETHING IS POKING MY BACK!
"Also have guard dogs." Maxwell said with that stupid grin again.
"Why can't you guys be like my dog back home? just kinda ignore me unless you want food or something?"
"Because you more important for keeping dogs below me." He said but I wasn't exactly sure what he meant by that.
**** a little over an hour later***
This is so fucking embarrassing. did they really have to stitch up a costume for me when I had my normal clothes? I looked back over the crowd of dogs that gathered to watch this whole play thing they had set up for me to act in and from my understanding it's just a bunch of the dogs fanfics because no way would I ever end up in dog land....again!
"Oh James, please tell me what we're going to do?" The dog designated as my 'best friend' asked.
"The same we do every night pinky, try and take over the world!" I shouted before had the back of my head smacked. I begrudgingly read the actual line, "I don't know, but we'll make it through this thanks to ugh...Alpha Maxwell."
I'm going to enjoy breaking his teeth when I get out of this.