//------------------------------// // Wedding Crashers // Story: Time, Space, and Paradoxes // by Christophe //------------------------------// A/N: This Chapter is a little more serious to show Dox's darker side and some of his powers, with bits of humor mixed in. It had been a month since Paradox started living in the Library. He and Twilight spent plenty of quality time in that month reading and teaching each other. Twilight learned many things about Paradox but vowed to keep most of them secret until he was ready to tell the others, especially his age and immortality. The dark secrets only managed to pull Twilight closer to him until she finally asked him to be her special somepony (Bow Chicka-wow -SLAP-). Paradox certainly didn't lose contact with the others in fact he was becoming fast friends with all of them. Using his 'magic' he could turn invisible or pull himself into the shadows to move undetected around Ponyville and hide in a pinch. Dash discovered he could actually teleport and move at freakish speeds and asked "Why don't you just do that to get around?" to which Dox responded "Because then I wouldn't get to enjoy the scenery… or sneak up on ponies…" Pinkie and Paradox spent most of their time baking, pranking, singing, and setting up parties. Once Pinkie had set up a prank for AJ by way of some Willy Wonka style pulleys and platforms. The downside was when things are held together by streamers and glued with frosting something is bound to break. This break launched Paradox across the farm and straight into the CMC club house. After some squeals and cowering the Crusaders resolved to be 'CUTIE MARK CRUSADER MONSTER FIGHTERS' and proceeded to beat the formerly unconscious Paradox with wooden planks. Several broken bones and bruises later the CMC was introduced to Paradox adding more excitement to his life. Now the mane 6 and Dox are enjoying a picnic much like the first day he arrived. Rarity is being overdramatic, Dash wants a race (she would lose, just saying), Pinkie was being Pinkie, AJ and Shy were enjoying the picnic, and Twilight remembered something that had been bugging her about Paradox's 'magic.' "Dox I've been wondering about your magic. If it can do anything why don't you do more with it?" "Well, Twi do you really want me to cause a scene by doing Hemomancy, Nethermancy, or Celestia forbid Necromancy. Speaking of her did you scheduled my meeting yet?" "She hasn't gotten back to me but don't change the sub-" Just as she was going to finish her sentence Spike ran up in a tizzy. He was babbling about a letter from Celestia and an invitation. Paradox zoned out and started listening to the conversations of the people only he and Pinkie could see. "So then, I bought the horse a prostitute!" said the dashing man with black hair. "I love this guy!" exclaimed one of the business men he was walking with. Paradox chuckled at the scene, after all it was the least he could do. Twilight had since caused a scene and started shaking him. Once she realized he was currently dead to the world she and he friends broke out into song. "Hehe, wait… Awww y'all know I can't resist a musical number and y'all did one without me." Paradox complained. "Sorry, Doxxy." Pinkie said nearly deflating. "Its fine, soooo," Paradox skimmed the letters, "Oh, your brother is getting married and I have a meeting with the princess, aah. This will be interesting to say the least." "Please don't embarrass me in front of her." Twilight looked distressed. "You wound me m'lady its like you don't trust me at all… hmmm you may have a point there actually." -------------------- Once in Canterlot and after carefully dodging the increased guard Paradox made it just outside the throne room…window. Upon looking through said window he noticed a unicorn speaking to the Princess. This blonde maned, white unicorn seemed to be speaking to her very familiarly with her. Paradox couldn't pass up a chance to eavesdrop while still cloaked. "Auntie I don't think it is such a good idea to allow Cadence to marry somepony that isn't royalty or a noble." Said the whitey. "I don't think it is your decision to make Prince Blueblood, It is Princecess Mi-" The advisor was cut off by Blueblood. "I wasn't speaking to you! I was speaking to ROYALITY of ROYALITY! Commoners should not be involved in OUR affairs Advisor!" 'Well, contrary to your belief its those commoners that make the world go round ya arrogant twat." Said Paradox sitting on the window seal. The whole room looked over at the humanoid just enjoying the sunlight streaming into the room. Everypony but Celestia looked shocked at his sudden appearance. "Wh-who or w-what are y-you!" Blueblood was visibly shaking. "Big talk for a coward. I must say though you put on almost as good a show as me but the difference is," Paradox strides over to Blueblood, who sinks lower to the floor with each step, and looks down at his quivering form, "I can back it up." "Now, leave your aunt and I have business to attend to. Oh, and you should probably change your attitude by the next time I see you, or you might have to change your name to Black and Blueblood." Paradox walked away from Blueblood who took his chance to flee soon after. "Black and Blueblood?" Celestia snorted. "What I've been dodging patrols and climbing your castle all day, I'm sorry if that wasn't my best one liner your highness." Paradox said sarcastically as the Advisor made her exit. "Hmmm, Twilight has told me much about you, particularly about how kind and gentle you are. That wasn't very much of either though." "What can I say I have a sore spot for those that think they are better than others Princess." "Yes, and thats why I would like you to call me Celestia," Celestia snorted, "Doxxy. -Snort-" "Oh, great hope that doesn't stick." Paradox and Celestia shared a laugh. After that the two had the usual new comer chat. How did he come here, why, from where, what his favorite type of cake is (Its red velvet). What caught Celestia most off guard was his answer to if he is a threat to her kingdom or if he intends to kill. "I can honestly say I am no threat to the peace. In fact my job description is peacekeeper but I can't say I will not hesitate to kill if I must." "Why would you just tell me you are willing to kill?" "You said you would prefer an equal so I will treat you as such. That means I will not lie to you or sugarcoat something, you deserve the truth." "Admirable." Celestia stood and summoned a badge with her horn. Celestia walked up to Paradox and floated to badge into his hand. "What's this for?" "I hereby officially name you Peacekeeper of Equestia and we will reveal you to the kingdom after Cadence and Shining Armor have officially been wed then you will answer questions from the press." "You just want to beat me to the reception to keep me out of the cake." "You know me so well already, now stay hidden while helping the guard." "Yes ma'am." Paradox saluted and faded into the shadows. --------------- Twelve or so hours after Paradox's meeting with Celestia the rehearsal began. Paradox was hiding in Celestia's shadow all the while. He couldn't help but observer this Princess Cadence, as Twi had called her, everywhere he had seen her she was putting a new meaning on the term catty. Its like she had carnation instant bitch for breakfast every morning with a tall glass of haterade. Once Twilight came in and accused her Paradox dove into Twilight's shadow and by doing so was dragged into the caves with her. "Awww hell It had to be changelings didn't it." "What?" Twilight was still sobbing. "I knew something was up with that 'Cadence,' she there was no way a female Blueblood could exist here." The impostor started to appear in the crystals to antagonize Twilight but was silence quickly once she saw Paradox. Upon seeing him her eyes shrunk to that of pin-pricks and retreated. "Why was she scared of you?" "Predators like her can always tell a more dangerous beast when they see one." Paradox pulled a small wand like object from his vest pocket. It made a strange sound as he spun around pointing it at every wall. Seeming to find what he was looking for he pointed it at one of the crystal walls an activated it. The wall resonated and collapsed revealing a battered Cadence. "IT'S HER!" Twilight leapt at the pink mare only to be caught in a black and gold aura. "No hun, that is the real one." "Wh-what are you and why are y-you doing that to Twilight." Squeaked Cadence. "So she wouldn't pounce on you of course. Now I'd love to chat and catch up but we need to get back up there and unfortunately I can't port us out because these crystal disperse my energy or reflect it back." With that said the group began the long trek out of the caves. Cadence broke into song, much to Paradox's dismay because he couldn't join in thus crushing his spirits two days in a row, until they reached a mine cart. "Ya know Twi, I'm not a fan of weddings." "Why not… and why bring this up now?" "I don't know, I just thought of it now… anyway last time i was a a wedding I had a great time until i realized it was mine… to a man… and that my friends is why you never eat the worm." "I won't even as-AAAAAAAAHHHHH!" As Twi went to finish the cart began to plummet. Paradox caught the two mares and sprung off the cart onto a ledge on the far side of the chasm. Once on the ground the girls sighed in relief but Paradox stepped in front of them. Three sinister looking bridesmaids were bearing down on them. Paradox took up a defensive stance but Cadence thought fast and threw a bouquet for the bridesmaid to fight over. Paradox tapped Twilight on the side and said, "I like her, we should invite her over after this." --------------- Paradox split off from the mares and began to stealth his way over to the Elements of Harmony. Once he made it into the vault hall the horde broke through the barrier and he knew he needed to hurry. He reached the vault door and swore, It needed a long horn to open it. There was only one option. Paradox grit his teeth as he gripped his left arm. One fluid motion and muscle and bone tore from each other leaving a bloody nub of bone near the elbow. Paradox stuffed the exposed bone into socket. After a few moments to arm started to regenerate filling the space of the lock with bone and flesh. Paradox twisted and pulled the door open, snapping his mangled arm off in the process. "Celestia is gonna make me fix that I just know it." Paradox grabbed the box and turned to see a horde of angry changelings staring daggers at him. Paradox smirked as his arm started to reform. The changelings rushed him in force only to be met with a big blast of black fire. Paradox charged headlong into the battalion of changelings swinging the elements box like a flail and crushing changelings underfoot. A hail of broken bodies, limbs, and neon blue blood filled the air. Paradox was lost in the carnage his clothes stained blue and the whites of his eyes had turned black leaving little red spots on an endless black void. No matter how many he crushed the changelings kept pouring in. In the end they bit down on his Achilles tendons and brought him to the floor. Paradox continued to thrash against the onslaught but it was futile, he would have to use his desperation tactic. Focusing all of his energy he teleported the box, along with his right arm, to the wedding hall. Once it was gone Paradox started to cackle as the changelings torn him to shreds. ---------------- Back in the wedding hall Chrysalis had defeated Celestia. Celestia lay battered surrounded by the mane 6. Twilight silently prayed for Paradox to show his head soon. A bright flash filled the room and the element box landed with a thud and the severed arm rolled across the red carpet halfway between the girls and Chrysalis. Chrysalis saw the broken limb and began to laugh historically while the others stared at it in disbelief. All the girls besides Twilight broke into tears, their new friend was dead and with his last breath he had sent them a gift. "WHY!" screamed Pinkie, "I -sob- I never even got to throw him a party! He just helped and now HES GONE!" "No…" Twilight spoke with her eyes not leaving the severed limb of her coltfriend, "He's not dead…" "He's gone sugarcube, he…" Applejack trailed off as she looked back at the arm. Everypony in the room was transfixed on the limb as it twitched and spasmed. Slowly the muscle and bone began to extend. After about 3 minutes of the hideous scene of muscle forming over bone and skin over the bloody muscle, Paradox stood fully clothed and adjusting his blood red tie. Twilight smiled and rushed to hug him. He gladly accepted the affection and cast his gaze on the frightened changeling queen with a wicked toothy grin. "Ya know Chrysalis, I learned a lot of things while I was working my way though the bodies of your hive." Chrysalis gulped. "I learned how changelings shape-shift, feed, and feel." "Th-then you know why this is necessary to save my race." "I do, but if you're willing I think I can help you so everypony comes out on top." "H-how and w-why should I trust you." "Well, you shouldn't trust me, you should be scared of me. As for how, I can for lack of a better word I can 'fix' you." Paradox sauntered towards the queen. "Fix us," Chrysalis spat the words as if he called her mother a grub worm. "Yes, I can save you from obliteration but it is still your decision. Live a free life, or Die." Chrysalis stepped back at his approach. She fired a bolt of energy into him that blazed a large hole in his stomach. Paradox glared at her as the hole began to seal itself. Finally she relented. "Do it…" Paradox smiled and laughed deeply. Everypony looked at him like he was mad. "BRILLIANT! Then lets get started and fix the problem." Paradox strode up to the still mind-controlled Shining Armor and proceeded to slap him senseless while saying, "Wake. The. Buck. UP!" Eventually Shining came to and was flabbergasted to see this biped beating his cheeks raw. Noticing this he dragged him to center-stage and motioned for Cadence to join them. Taking hold of both of their horns he all three lifted into the air and a golden bubble spread out engulfing the entire city. The silhouettes of Cadence and Shining kissed as Paradox said, "I now pronounce you husband and wife." Once the light had faded Cadence and Shining were holding each other and behind then was no rugged biped but another pony. It was a, taller than average moderately muscled, grey earth pony. He had a short cut black mane with a thick red stripe in the left side and a white tail shaped like a scythe with a similar red streak. On his head were the signature red glasses. "No matter what, I ALWAYS look good." ---------------------- "So, you learned how to change your form and genetic make up from the changelings?" Twilight asked. After the wedding really happened, as Paradox is not a recognized minister in Equestria, the Princess, mane 6, newlyweds, queen, and Paradox retired to Celestia's quarters. They were fully informed of Paradox's condition and age but nothing more. "Yep, like I said you learn a lot while your inside something." "That is disgusting." Rarity was appalled by the thought of being digested. "You're telling me, but it made it so I could make the changelings able to feel positive emotions, like love, so they can feed on themselves and the love in the air." "I hate to admit this but it is true you have saved my race from extinction and saved this land from our devastation, that is truly admirable." Chrysalis blushed as she spoke, not making eye contact with Paradox "Please don't feed his ego." Twilight was rubbing her temples already imagining his antics. "YOU LOVE IT!" Paradox was cracking up by this point, "Anyway, I think I'm going to go back to being a biped something about clothes and walking on two legs for a few millennia makes you partial to it." Paradox changed back to his original form, with a few minor adjustments -cough-, and strode over to the balcony. In the courtyard many ponies were in an uproar after that days events. Paradox smiled back at Celestia. "Besides, I need to look my best for my adoring fans."