//------------------------------// // 1. // Story: The most perfect eyes // by StormShadow //------------------------------// What's up? Names Scratch. Well, technically, Vinyl Scratch. Personally, though, I prefer "Scratch". Makes me sound like I just got out of some bad ass fight, and I'm all cut up and shit, right? Totally. In fact, I'm pretty sure that that's why everyone loves me. (Y'know...'cause I'm so bad ass?) All the babes around here practically stampede over each other to get a little taste of my white chocolate. They can't help that I'm so bucking awesome. I mean, c'mon. I'm a friggin' DJ for Christs' sake. What's that? You got a problem with me saying "Christ"? Fuck off, buddy. I know you're there, I know you're reading this, I'm in your world, bro. Just calm your tits and we can get this story on the road. .......What were we talking about? Probably about how damn sexy I am. Anyways, names Vinyl Scratch, grew up in Manehatten, moved to Canterlot a few weeks ago, and guess what? Shit's great. This city is CRAAAAWWWLLLIIINNN' with bitches. I mean, seriously! I go to a club, strut my stuff, and boom. Fifty numbers. ....You wanna know my secret? It's the shades. The chicks TOTALLY dig them. They're like "Oh, shit Vinyl Scratch. I want to snuggle up into your McMuffin!" Then, of course, I have to respond with "I SURE HOPE YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING ME TO TAKE YOU OUT TO DINNER FIRST." That ALWAYS gets them! Seriously! You guys are always like "Oh, woe is me, I got friendzoned, I'm gunna go cut myself another huge ass chunk of cake!" Dude, really. Go stick it in her. I mean, I'm a friggin' mare, and check out all this sweet pony crotch I'm getting. Take it from me, fella's. The ladies loooooovvveeee assertiveness. Okay, enough about how awesome I am. Let's get on with the story. ----------------------------------- Damn, it's cold. I mean, seriously. Check that out! There are icicles coming off that space heater. How does that even happen?! "HEY! SAL!" I scream. Of course, his lazy ass jumps about 5 feet in the air. His wings flutter and crap, and feathers fall off. How disgusting. "You gotta fix the damn heater, man. It's cold as buck." He looked at me, and got off his high-horse to go call another lazy cunt to call ANOTHER lazy cunt to go fix the heater. Welp, that's Canterlot for ya. "Vinyl Scratch", he said as he turned toward me, small mop of brown mane flowing. "You've got an important gig tonight." "Well, no shit. That's why I'm in your office, you dumb fu-" "Vinyl, cut the crap, I don't feel like putting up with it." Ouch. That hurt. See, Sal is like my best friend. He manages the club that I primarily own-er, play at. (Though, I gotta admit a few mares would think I did own it. I mean, a story or two might have slipped out from somepony who MIGHT have been trying to impress them. But, seriously, the odds of that are astronomical.) Sal's a great guy, and almost never gets mad at me, even when I'm being a total bitch. He called me into his office about 5 minutes ago, though, and this whole time has been us staring at each other. Then I felt like my horn could pierce diamond I was so cold. Which is where you guys picked up at. "Alrighty then, Sal. What's on the menu tonight?" "Well, it's a fancy job. You gotta look nice, and play classical, all that bullshit." I groaned. I HATED classical music. I mean, I know most DJ's cum in their hooves just to even ATTEMPT to land a job like the one I was sure to get tonight. But, seriously. "LADDAA DEEEE LADDA DOOO LADDAAA DUMMM?" Buck. That. It's so stupid! Not like MY music, of course. The wubs coarse through your body, leaving you feeling like you just chewed 5 gum. "Aight. What time, where at, all the dete's." "It's at the Canterlot castle-" I nearly fell out of my chair. I was expecting a reception or something, not ROYALTY. "At around 9-ish. You gotta be there at 5, though, and set up." "What's the occasion?" "A wedding. Y'know Shiny Armour or whatever?" I shook my head, and he ran a hoof through his hair. "Y'know, tall guy, blue hair, unicorn, Captain of the guard, I think. Anyways, it doesn't matter. He's marrying a princess." I whistled. A royal wedding. Huh. This oughtta be interesting. "So what's the pay?" "You're gunna get about 5." "There better be three invisible zeroes hiding behind that 5." I said. I don't do anything without my proper pay, see. He laughed at me, and turned around in his desk chair. I knew that as a sign of "Get the buck outta my office, ya crazy cunt." I shocked him a bit with my magic, and walked out grinning. ----------------------------------- A royal wedding. I guess I should clean my coat then, huh? I was staring at my gorgeous self in the mirror. Damn. Sometimes, I wonder why I'm not plastered all over Equestria. I mean, who can resist this face? I stare at myself in my class-as-fuck mirror, giving myself my best "sex" eyes. I gotta admit, I understood how all mares crumbled under their virgin-selves to catch a glance at me. It's like, even the straight ones want me. Maybe it's the fact that I'm sexy as Hell, or that I'm great at everything I do, or that I've got the coolest hair in Equestria, or that.... Well, I'd love to go on all day about how great I am, but I gotta get ready for this stupid gig. ----------------------------------- So, the shower was nice. Definitely helped. I partied hard last night, and didn't realize my mane looked so messy. Not that the whole "I-just-had-sex-with-four-mares-at-once" look doesn't work for me, it's just that I like to keep it nice and neat most of the time. I pack up all my shit, and load it up into a cart. Got my speakers, soundboard, vinyl's....everything's all here. Great. I load that shit up in the cart, and pay some of my bitches to go carry that shit to the castle. It's 4:30 p.m, and I don't want to be late. That hurts the rep, y'know? So I let those stupid colts think they're going to get some of my sweet scrathy-time, and they happily carry it across town. I, however, am gunna go get me some damn coffee. Can't flirt with a bunch of whores if I can't be jacked up on caffeine.