Yes. I am the Oathbreaker's ability to reason given form. I thought I would not need to tell anypony this aside from the Sisters. I thought the ponies of this time would understand my desire to reseal myself. I was wrong, as I have been wrong about many things. I apologize.
Though the time is dire please allow me to explain myself. I do not know if I will have another chance. You all must be made to understand. This is all I can do.
Thank you.
My tale is long. I will only tell its final chapters.
Once, long ago, I was called Oathmaker. I can no longer remember if that was my original name. I do not know if that memory was lost due to age, to my grief and punishment, or to the actions of my enemies.
I came to these mountains seeking shelter and solitude so that I could rest and heal. My own foolishness had caused me to become deeply injured despite my power, and the circumstances behind it left me unwilling to trust other ponies. I was shocked to find this valley inhabited, and filled with such beauty and bounty as well. Even now I can still see ghosts of its former glory – fields of golden grain, groves of succulent fruit, a lake that shined like crystal and streams that never ran dry. It was a paradise.
The earth ponies who lived in the valley did not trust outsiders. Many had come to the valley before seeking to take it for themselves. None succeeded, but the ponies of the valley feared a day would come when they would. When they saw me, they were prepared to drive me away as they had so many before.
And yet...
Their hearts had not yet been turned cold by the world, and they showed pity on me. The miller and his husband, the twin fillies, the old baker and all her children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren... Even now I can see the faces of those among the villagers who first showed me kindness, and yet I cannot bring myself to speak their names. Their spirits are surely looking down at me with scorn for failing their descendants so badly.
They allowed me to stay in the valley to rest and heal, and for that I will always be grateful. During that time I got to know some of the more curious or brave ponies, but knowing that I would have to leave once I was able I avoided getting too close to any of them. I did not yet trust them, and they did not yet trust me. It was only natural.
When the time finally, came, I chose to leave with as little ceremony as possible. Leaving behind only a single note of farewell for the healer who had looked after me, I flew off at midnight to the mountaintops. I allowed myself what was meant to be one last look at the village, to reminisce on the memories I had made there. It was...beautiful.
But the sight I saw when I finally crested the peaks and saw the outside world again caused my heart to sink with dread. Surrounding the valley, poised to strike, was an army of monsters, ponies, and many others. Some I recognized as the forces from one of the petty warlords that claimed dominion over neighboring lands; they were the invaders that had plagued the valley so often. But far greater among the army were those sent by a handful of powers that I myself had become the enemy of for one reason or another.
In a single moment I understood: they had tracked me to the valley. And with the combined forces too powerful for the valley's guards to handle by themselves...I had doomed the valley to destruction simply by my presence.
I was wrought with guilt, and could not stand idly by. The ponies of the valley had shown me kindness. I could not repay them with death. So as the army of darkness launched its attack, I took flight and struck back.
My skill in battle was built by experience alone over many years. But it was enough to turn the tide of battle in the valley's favor, the guards preventing the bulk of the army from attacking the village and fields while I kept them from getting overwhelmed by scattering the enemy and destroying those who found themselves isolated.
It was over before daybreak. The guards and I thoroughly routed the enemy army, and the villagers suffered few casualties. The guards were praised and awarded as was their due. I...was still regarded with suspicion, especially as several of the enemies had openly declared that they had come for my head. But those who had first shown kindness to me, and those who I had fought alongside, declared me a true friend of the valley.
I was deeply moved by their gesture. For too long I had been taken advantage of. For too long I had been without friends. And I was still filled with guilt for having brought so many of my enemies to the valley.
My greatest and only talent, that for which I received my Mark, is fulfilling the sacred oaths and promises that I make. I have performed countless miracles in pursuit of keeping a promise, and I have caused just as many troubles for myself and others for the same. It only felt natural, after what had happened, for me to swear an oath to protect the valley forevermore. I owed its ponies no less. And my spirit soared to once more have a good and pure purpose in life.
I settled into the valley and opened my heart to the friendship of its residents. I learned their names, their stories, their very way of life. I danced with them. Made music. Gave counsel. Learned. And shared my own story. I came to love them all, and they all came to love me. And each time invaders threatened the valley, be they my enemy or theirs, I was at the forefront of the defense and drove them off as I had sworn to. It was my home.
As you no doubt know time flows differently for alicorns, but I did not despair as my friends aged and I did not. I had never been able to watch the wonders of life unfold to such an extent before. I witnessed births, the finding of Marks, and the blossoming of love. I trained new guards in the ways of battle. I oversaw countless festivities and traditions, and watched as new ones were created and set in stone. I held hooves on deathbeds, and assisted in laying ponies to rest. I mourned every lost friend, but never forgot that each new generation meant new friends to make.
The invaders from the outside never truly ceased, but neither did my commitment nor my prowess. My name spread further than it ever had before, attracting both friend and foe alike. And...I did not realize it at the time, but my status was becoming more and more deeply ingrained in the hearts of my friends. More and more they looked to me for leadership and guidance, both in matters concerning the outside world and its visitors as well as matters concerning the village itself. I, in my sense of duty and eagerness to help my friends, noticed nothing wrong.
It was only when murmurings of a shrine being planned to honor the valley's great and powerful guardian spirit began to pass through the village that I began to worry. I have seen all too well what befalls an alicorn who loses her humility in the face of worship. I did not wish to fall prey to that sickness of the mind. But I did not know how to change their view of me. No matter my protests, the very fact that I had lived in and protected the valley for generations alone was enough for earn their reverence in their minds. I could not leave and abandon them, not with my oath and all the countless other small promises I had made to them over the centuries. I could only keep trying to live as nothing more than a friend and equal, and hope they would one day see me as their ancestors had.
I failed as I have failed countless times before and since. I grew complacent with the villagers' behavior, and the reins of leadership and rule began to feel normal to me. I will not deny that the village prospered under my guidance, or that many ponies came to me seeking an example of a dutiful and just ruler. But I also cannot take credit for everything the villagers accomplished, nor will I hide from the feelings of conceit that had grown within me. I may as well have been a newly-birthed foal when I thought that my reputation alone had created an eternal peace for my friends and I.
Fate is never so kind. The stronger Good becomes by destroying Evil, the harder Evil lashes out in return. That is the way of the world. I should have known the peace could not last forever. I lied to myself that it could. I should have recognized the signs of a coming resurgence. I did not.
The army of darkness arrived in numbers a thousandfold from what I had first defended the valley. The guards were green to true battle and I myself had not truly fought in a century, but I remained confident all the same. Why would I not? I had sworn an oath to defend the valley and its ponies and I had never failed an oath before.
But...
I feel shamed to say that I was overwhelmed. Individually I greatly outmatched them, but together in such large numbers I could not kill them fast enough. For the first time since my youth ages ago I became uncertain that I would be able to work yet another miracle and save the valley as I'd sworn.
And that uncertainty itself became my biggest weakness.
That was when he appeared. An echo of a past I'd thought long behind me, the face of an ancient enemy I thought long vanquished. His sudden, grinning, knowing presence...scared me. Just the sight of him opened my guard to several attacks that should have been swept aside like dust. And he spoke to me in a voice that I alone could hear, telling me – showing me – how easily his minions could ravage my home with or without my presence.
He gave me another option. Invoked an ancient and sacred rite to single combat that we had both gone through before. His only goal was to crush me. He was willing to stake everything on a single fight to the death.
I...in that moment I believed him that I would not be able to save the valley, my home, by fighting his army. I accepted his deal, knowing that I could defeat him in a duel. But I had grown...wiser, perhaps, since last we had met. I did not fully trust him. I sent word to all my truest allies in the outside world in hopes that they would arrive to help protect the valley in my stead while I settled the duel.
I had hoped to stall for time before they arrived, but he demanded I leave for the dueling place at once lest he decide not to call off his army. I saw no other choice. I was a fool. I left at once, unable to even tell my precious friends of my intentions and plan.
I arrived at the long-forgotten temple that would serve as our dueling field and saw that we were alone. I should have suspected the truth. I was a fool and did not.
He soon revealed himself as nothing but a shade of his former self. I defeated him easily. He did not care. I moved to vanquish him in a way I hoped would be permanent. He did not care.
I will never be able to forget his hideous laughter when he told me that he had never truly commanded the army of darkness that had attacked the valley. He merely inspired their formation. Our sacred duel meant to settle a war with minimal death was meaningless. The army of darkness had never been called off.
I had left the valley, I had left generations upon generations of my dearest friends, to die. I was a fool.
I fled with tears in my eyes, returning to my home as fast as my wings and magic could take me. I was too late. The battle was over. My allies had not come. The army of darkness was gone. They had killed my friends and plundered my home of everything it had. All that remained was ruined stone and ash that smelled of death.
The moment I took my first disbelieving step into the valley I heard a whisper on the wind. The voices were many speaking as one and twisted by hate, but I knew them all the same as the voices of the villagers. Of my friends. They cursed me for failing them. They cast away a name I no longer deserved. The entirety of what had happened, of what I had allowed to pass, came upon me in a moment and my mind broke.
Tell me, young ones, do you know the pain of failing your Mark? The truest and most basic essence of what and who you are? It is a hurt more terrifying and dreadful than any other. It is a feeling as though you have done away with the entirety of your existence with your own four hooves, and yet are forced to continue living.
I do not expect you do. But if I am wrong, as I have been wrong about far too many things, then perhaps you can understand a fraction of what I felt that day. In the course of a few hours I had broken not only my oath to protect the valley, but nearly all of my active promises. To watch over families, to pass down and uphold traditions, to teach, to simply meet a pony at a certain place and time. Everything that I was had crumbled to ash beneath my hooves, and all of it was my fault. My fault for trusting an enemy instead of my own abilities. My fault for not keeping calm during a difficult battle. My fault for countless other mistakes that had led up to that day. All of my friends, dead, because of me.
I could not bring myself to track down and destroy the army of darkness. I was...too tired in mind and heart and body. And I knew it would not bring justice to the spirits of the friends I had failed. The army was merely the weapon that had slain them. I was the one who had brought it down upon the valley.
I could not live with myself after what I had done. I could not allow another tragedy to happen by my careless and foolish hooves. But alicorns do not die so easily. I saw no other choice but to seal myself away for eternity. I dove deep into the earth until I reached a small cavern and collapsed from exhaustion. It was there that I cast the sealing spell upon myself.
But I failed to cast it properly, as I have failed in countless self-appointed tasks before. It was meant to completely encase me in stone and suppress my magic so that it did not build-up to an extent that the seal could not contain me any longer. But instead it allowed my magic to leak out piece by piece in a form that would accumulate outside my body. The magic I lost to the leak each day was not more than what my alicorn body would naturally replenish on its own, and so the leak continued and the magic built up for millennia.
And with my mind so consumed by grief and despair I lost awareness of the world around me or the time that had passed. Only a small portion of my thoughts could comprehend anything beyond my crimes. I do not know when those thoughts noticed the pool of magic that had accumulated around my sealed form. But they did not think of it as a dire problem at first, but rather another mere mistake that exemplified my incompetence. And when at last they did...
They – I – panicked at the gravity of the situation. I knew it was only a matter of time before my sealed body fell into the pool of magic. I knew that thousands of years of magic would overload even a pony of my strength. And I knew that an overloaded pony would become consumed by the thoughts and desires they had when the overload happens. My mind was already almost entirely lost to grief and despair. I feared what I would become when overloaded. What I would attempt to do. What would happen when I failed. I feared that countless innocent lives would be lost by my hooves once again.
I could not let this happen. But I could not stop the unsealing. The only hope I could see of averting disaster was to warn the outside world and prepare them to reseal me. But my body was bound in stone. I had no means to send a message.
So I decided to create one.
In truth, I had no idea what I was doing. Magic is not my talent. All I knew was that with enough of it and a strong will, anything was possible. From the pool of liquid magic I built the body of a pony. I... split my mind in two, leaving that which had been consumed by despair imprisoned so my thoughts that remained could act unhindered. But a link would remain between the two minds and I realized I risked losing the new body to despair if I was careless. But by suppressing the new body's emotions I could control the link.
I gave this body – my new self – the name 'Cold Reason' and the image of a Mark to match what it was: the last shreds of my rationality, devoid of emotion by necessity. I gave myself a mission to find the highest power I could and tell them of what was to come. But I could not share the truth of who I was. I feared it would only panic, or confuse, or distract any pony who I sought aide from.
Eventually I found my way through the caverns to the surface at a spot well outside the bounds of the valley. I am grateful for that. Had I been forced to surface in the valley itself and see what had become of my home, I fear my mission would have failed then and there. It did not.
I did not know what had become of the world since my crime. I did not know who would have the power to reseal me. But I knew that an alicorn who had lived in that age could still be alive. I remembered the kingdom that the Sisters had founded shortly before my crime was located nearby. I headed east in the hopes that it still existed. I traveled for several days through forest without seeing another pony. I feared I would be unable to deliver my message.
Then I found a road. My hope surged and I briefly struggled to contain my emotions. But I remained calm by allowing fate to guide my next steps, and it led me to Ponyville.
You all know the rest.
…
...
Much of that was not necessary to recount. I apologize. But please understand the actions I have taken and why they are for the best. That is all I ask of you.