“If you get too attached to how you want it to come out the other side, you freeze. I try to trust that it will work out in the end.”
- Jennifer Connelly
The third memory revealed Silent Cry lying on the edge of a cliff, gazing down on a herd of feral ghouls in a valley through a pair of binoculars. Her vision sweeped across the various rotten bodies until she spotted a ghost waving towards her. It was the ghost of a small filly.
Her gaze shifted toward the ghoul the ghost was hovering by.
“Near that small dune: Buck, green coat, red mane, missing half its face and left rear leg,” said Silent Cry, describing the ghoul.
“I see it,” said a masculine voice nearby, though Silent Cry didn’t turn to identify the speaker.
BANG!
The ghoul in Silent Cry’s vision fell to the ground, dead. The ghost filly started jumping with glee. A moment later, the ghost of the ghoul rose from his corpse, and looked around in confusion. The filly quickly threw her legs around him in a hug.
Silent Cry looked away and returned to sweeping the ghoul herd. She quickly spotted another ghost.
“By that rock pile: mare, yellow coat, red mane, missing an ear and a long tear on her side,” said Silent Cry.
“Got it,” said her companion.
BANG!
This time, after the shot was fired, Silent Cry put down her binoculars and gazed over the valley. There were several ghost children scattered around, all with adult ghosts freshly severed from their bodies.
“Alright, I think that’s the last of them,” she declared before turning toward her companion.
The red earth pony buck with a target cutie mark smiled as he put down his sniper rifle.
“Glad to hear it. I think we put a record number of kids to rest today,” he said with a chuckle.
“Oh? You actually believe me when I say we’re helping reunite long dead children with their ghoul parents?” said Silent Cry with a smirk.
“Maybe, maybe not, Silent. You definitely pay me far more caps that I deserve just to shot a few feral ghouls. Which means either you like throwing money away, you’re completely insane, or you’re telling the truth. And since I’ve never met a pony that actually throws away cash and I’ve never seen you put on raider armor, I’m choosing to give you the benefit of a doubt,” replied the buck.
Silent Cry rolled her eyes.
“Whatever floats your boat, Bull’s Eye. Anyway, here’s your pay: one hundred caps plus compensation for every sniper round spent,” said Silent Cry as she tossed over a bag of caps.
“You know, as much as I enjoy taking your easy jobs, I think your age is starting to show. You ever consider just settling down?” asked Bull’s Eye as he stashed the caps.
“Are you calling me old?” asked Silent Cry with a raised eyebrow.
“Well, you’re not exactly a filly anymore. How long have you been wandering now? Forty years?” asked Bull’s Eye.
“Thirty seven,” replied Silent Cry.
“Exactly. Not many ponies live as long as you have in the wastes. Even fewer continue to travel at your age. Are you sure you want to keep going?” asked Bull’s Eye.
Silent Cry nodded.
“I’m not some helpless old nag, Bull’s Eye. Not yet. I’ve still got some years left in me, and you know I’m good at avoiding trouble,” she said.
“Good doesn’t mean perfect, Silent,” said Bull’s Eye as he pointed toward one of Silent Cry’s legs.
Silent Cry glanced down. Her left hind leg had an especially nasty looking scar across it.
“I worry about you, Silent. It was only dumb luck that you got away from that hell hound alive, and you were a younger mare back then. I can’t always be there to protect you. If it wasn’t for the caps you pay me, the town watch wouldn’t even let me go on these ‘hunting trips.’ I don’t want anything bad to happen to you,” said Bull’s Eye with a concerned expression.
Silent Cry sighed.
“I know, Bull’s Eye. Trust me, I know. But it’s not like I’m constantly running towards danger. There are plenty of places I know that are full of lost souls, but I don’t dare journey towards them. I’m grateful for your concern my friend, really I am, but I’m not setting down as long as I have the strength to keep walking,” she said.
Bull’s Eye sighed himself.
“Alright. At least I tried. Take care of yourself, Silent,” said Bull's Eye as turned and walked away.
“You too, Bull’s Eye,” said Silent Cry as she watched the buck leave.
Silent Cry turned back toward the ghoul herd. Several of the ghosts had already gone to sleep, but a few were still lingering.
“I can’t stop. Not while I can still make a difference,” Silent Cry mumbled to herself.
“You know, that sounds really familiar,” said a peppy voice.
Silent Cry turned to see the ghost of the Ministry Mare of the Ministry of Morale: Pinkie Pie.
“Ah. I was wondering where you ran off to, Pinkie. Did we get everypony?” asked Silent Cry.
“Yep. After all this time, Pinkie’s School for the Dead is finally ready to close. I don’t think words can describe how happy this makes me,” said Pinkie with a smile.
“Glad to head it. So, now that you don’t have several hundred kids to worry about, what are you going to do?” asked Silent Cry.
“Well, I have a few things I’d like to check up on now that I have the time. Sorry to run off on you again, but one of them is kind of urgent. Thanks for everything, Silent. I’ll see you around,” said Pinkie as she turned and started walking away.
“Aren’t you forgetting something?” asked Silent Cry.
Pinkie Pie froze.
“You Pinkie Promised me that you would tell me about your greatest regret once we put all the children under your care to rest,” reminded Silent Cry.
Pinkie Pie turned around with a somber look on her face.
“Yes... but... er... I didn’t say when exactly I would tell you. And like I said, I have a few things I need to...” Pinkie Pie trailed off as she noticed the look on Silent Cry’s face.
“Pinkamena Diane Pie, you have been putting our conversation off for almost a decade. And I heard from Rainbow Dash that you’ve been hiding certain details from the rest of your friends as well. Now stop running away from your problems, sit down, and tell me why you think you’re a bad pony,” said Silent Cry.
Pinkie Pie sighed.
“OK. I guess Applejack would never let me forget about trying to get out of a Pinkie Promise, anyway. But... can we take this somewhere private? I really don’t want anypony to overhear,” admitted Pinkie.
“Certainly. But no wandering off,” said Silent Cry as she stood up and reached for a cane that was on the ground near her.
As they made their way away from the cliff, it was noticeable that the years were starting to catch up with Silent Cry. She was hardly feeble, but she was definitely moving slower than she had in the previous memory. And the reason for the cane was plain to see: she was limping on the leg bearing the massive scar.
A short walk later, the two of them found a small abandoned shed and went inside.
“Alright. I guess the best place to start is with what I did during the war,” said Pinkie.
“I don’t know, Pinkie. It’s common knowledge that you were in charge of keeping ponies happy and stopping zebra spies,” said Silent Cry as she slowly sat down.
“My biggest regret isn’t how I ran my Ministry, Silent. Not that I don’t regret it. Yes, I took things too far and didn’t trust my friends enough, but that was only a side effect of my real problem,” admitted Pinkie.
“Your drug addiction, you mean,” said Silent Cry.
Pinkie Pie sighed.
“That’s part of it. Goodness knows how badly it messed me up. I was so naive back when I first tried the drugs. I genuinely couldn’t comprehend how something that made ponies smile could be so bad for them. I can’t remember when I popped my first pill, but I do remember exactly how it felt: the clearness of my mind, the way everything seemed to snap into focus, and while I didn’t recognize it at the time, I could feel my brain becoming hooked.”
“Did you know that biologically-based insanity is instantly cured when you die? Chemical addictions don't follow you into the afterlife. When my soul left my body, I felt better than I’d ever felt in years. I was miserable and heartbroken, but I actually laughed in relief. I was so happy to be free of the pain my mind and body had been going through for so long. I must've looked ridiculous, trying to laugh and sob at the same time,” admitted Pinkie.
“Though I heard rumors that you were hours away from kicking the habit before the bombs dropped,” noted Silent Cry.
Pinkie Pie sighed again.
“Yeah, I was, though it was even closer than that. I was minutes away from delaying the end of the world. Stopping the megaspell in Manehattan wouldn’t have prevented the zebras from attacking us eventually, but it would have bought us some time. Time that could have saved countless lives and might have left a large part of the city standing after the bombs dropped. But I didn’t. And that wasn’t the worst part.”
“Mintals do what they say on the tin: they stimulate your brain to temporarily make you smarter. But whatever part of the brain they work on gave me another edge: they also stimulated my Pinkie Sense. Suddenly I wasn’t just getting funny feelings right before something was about to happen. I could actually see things that were going to happen in the near future,” said Pinkie Pie.
“Yes, I heard about that power of yours. I understand that this enabled you to save numerous lives by preventing attacks from even happening,” added Silent Cry.
“Yeah. It’s one of the few things I can look back at during the war and say I was happy about before I started taking it too far. Especially considering that so many of my other actions just backfired. My attempts to keep ponies happy only dragged out the war. My plan to help Zecora only got her killed. I couldn’t even keep my friends together. But that’s all besides the point.”
“You see, while mintals improved my Pinkie Sense, I wasn’t satisfied. I think part of it was because my addiction was getting worse, but I genuinely wanted something that would let me do more. I’m the inventor of Party Time Mintals, you know. And what they did to my Pinkie Sense...”
Pinkie Pie paused and turned away.
“Can you imagine what it's like? Being able to see the future?” she asked.
Silent Cry put a hoof to her mouth in thought for a minute before speaking.
“I’d have to guess it’s like watching a movie: you can see things happening from a distance, but can’t interact with it, and can only speculate how that particular event is going to come to pass,” she said.
Pinkie Pie gave a sad smile.
“Well, it's not a bad guess, but it’s way off. You’re imagining it as seeing something that is set in stone. This may be true for the past, but not for the future. All you can see from the future is possibilities. The future is flexible. Even something as small as the flap of a butterfly's wings can change everything. And because you’re looking into the future, you naturally always get hints as to which butterfly it was. Hold on, I thought of a really good analogy for it a long time ago,” said Pinkie.
Pinkie Pie hemmed and hawed for a minute, but then nodded.
“Seeing the future is like having a large bowl of fortune cookies. Every time you take one, the fortune will say one possible way the world could turn out, and several hints that will probably help that particular future become reality. There’s no way of knowing what that future will be until you open the cookie, but there’s nothing stopping you from taking another cookie and reading a different future. The only catch is that once you take a new cookie, you have to throw away the old fortune. If you didn’t bother taking notes, then that tossed future is only reachable if you remember the instructions and don’t get it confused with the other tossed cookies,” explained Pinkie.
“I see. I assume that these ‘hints’ were usually vague and difficult to understand how they fit into the big picture?” asked Silent Cry.
“Yep. All I got was ‘make sure you’re here then,’ and ‘move this thing here right away,’ and stuff like that. I could work out where it was going sometimes, but not too often. But even with that, you can see how powerful this made me. And this is were my biggest regret lies.”
“As you know, the war became larger as time went on. Of course, until the attack on Luna’s school no one really thought it would escalate to the point it did. But the attack did happen, and ponies and zebras became more and more devoted to the cause and a peaceful ending became more and more impossible. But there was a small window where that wasn’t the case.”
“When I first started seeing the future, things were grim, but far from hopeless. I saw futures where ponies won after half of Equestria’s forces died in an aggressive charge. I saw futures were few ponies died, but zebras would rule Equestria and banish Luna back to the moon, this time permanently. I saw futures where if me or one of my friends died, the consequences would eventually cause the war to stop. There were a lot those that had to do with Luna dying.”
“I rejected them. I didn’t want to have an ending where somepony I cared about would end up dead or banished, or one nation would have to pay such a heavy price for the war. So, instead of trying to pursue any of these futures, I cast them aside and kept reaching for more cookies. Surely, I told myself, one of these must have a future where everyone is happy. I just have to keep looking and I’ll find it eventually.”
“But there’s one thing about war I was too naive and foolish to realize. With war, there’s no such thing as a happy ending. No matter who wins, fights, or whatever, someone is going to suffer. It might be the soldiers fighting the front lines, it might be some famous martyr who forces the enemy to recognize just how far they’ve fallen, it might even be a nation reduced to second class citizens for generations, but there will be casualties. By the time I realized this fact, it was too late. The war had grown too big. I no longer saw futures where one side won at a cost. I only saw futures that resulted in one side destroying the other, and often itself as well."
"I saw Twilight’s alicorns turning Equestria into tyrantial super nation after killing Celestia and Luna and ruling the world with an iron hoof. I saw the zebras winning, but then all life on the planet ending because they poisoned the earth to do so. And I don’t even want to think about what I saw from those ones where the war just kept on going even as our nations crumbled. In fact, the megaspells were one of the better options,” admitted Pinkie.
“The megaspells? Really?” asked Silent Cry.
“Almost all life was wiped out, but that was the key: almost all life. Not all of it. Because of the Stables, life will eventually return one way or another. The world will spend a few hundred years as a wasteland instead of thousands of years as something far worse. Hay, there are even a few island nations that managed to escape the worst of the fallout and are still thriving to this day. But that doesn’t change the fact that countless lives were lost. And I could have prevented it. It was all because I was too stupid to realize that there was no way to end the war without sacrifices,” admitted Pinkie Pie.
Silent Cry’s gaze turned toward the floor in thought.
“I know what you’re going to say. Yes, I’m not the only one to blame. But I am the only one who knew exactly how to keep it from getting as bad as it did, but I didn’t. I really don’t want to hear this again,” said Pinkie.
“No,” said Silent Cry as she raised her head.
Pinkie tilted her head, confused.
“Even if you could see how to stop the war, were you capable of acting on that knowledge? How much of your continued future gazing was a result of the drugs in your body pushing you to take more? I bet you saw that once the war was over, your friends would do everything they could to get you to break that habit. Can you really say it was just naivety that lead you to that point?” asked Silent Cry.
Pinkie started at Silent Cry before laughing. It was a very, very bitter laugh.
“Seriously? Your advice as the ghost-whisperer is to blame the drugs? You’ve never taken any chems! What do you know about addiction?” demanded Pinkie.
“Enough to know that it messes with your head, Pinkie. And I didn’t say to blame all of it on the drugs. Besides, it’s not about your motivation. I’m trying to make a point here,” said Silent Cry.
“Well, then you’ll have to explain it cause it just went right over the head of this stupid pony,” said Pinkie with a shrug.
“The point is that being able to see how the world was going to end doesn’t mean you were the reason it happened. The way you told your story suggests that nopony else understood how bad things were getting. However, I’ve meet many who did but realized too late. Yes, you could have prevented the end of the world, but so could have many others. The only difference between your failure and theirs is that you realized how badly you messed up before you died,” finished Silent Cry.
Pinkie Pie stared at Silent Cry.
“You made some bad choices, but so did others. You didn’t do anything so worse than anypony else that you don’t deserve forgiveness. And yes, I am aware my point had nothing to do with the drugs. But saying that got you to actually listen to me, now didn’t it?” asked Silent Cry.
Pinkie continued staring at Silent Cry, but then started laughing. It was genuine joy this time.
“You... you actually pulled a fast one on me?! Wow. I didn’t think you had it in you. What happened to the sad pony who couldn’t even look at her cutie mark without sighing?” asked Pinkie Pie.
“She got over her troubled past and realized she didn’t need to be a psychiatrist to help others in some small way. So as your unofficial mind doctor, I will say this once again: making a few bad decisions with good intentions, no matter how far reaching their consequences, does not make you a bad pony. Now stop hiding the details from your friends and let them know exactly what you regret,” said Silent Cry.
Pinkie Pie sighed, but she was still smiling.
“Yeah... I guess you're right. Heh. It’s funny, really. You really do have a way with making ponies feel better,” she said.
Silent Cry smiled.
“Glad to help. Though, now that I think about it, this ability to see the future is why you believe in your ace, right?” asked Silent Cry.
Pinkie Pie’s expression grew serious again.
“Yeah. A bit before the end, right when I was ready to throw in the towel, I found a special fortune cookie. Or, rather, a cookie found me. Messages from the future are tricky, as they don’t guarantee that the future they come from will become reality. It didn’t help that this message kind of only reached my subconscious. But that was enough. Enough to get me out of my slump, and to reach out and take that future’s cookie in my hooves."
"What I saw in that cookie was horrible, but I also saw her. A pony who would suffer in ways similar to me, yet push on. A pony who’d walk through Tartarus itself as long as it’d help others. A pony who would be willing to sacrifice everything except what made her a good pony to save the world. It was quite the inspiring sight, let me tell you.”
“When I realized that a pony like that could exist so far in the future after everything went wrong, I was encouraged. After spending so long looking into hopeless, horrible futures, here was one that had a hero. It was the best future I had seen in years. I made up my mind. I couldn’t save the world, but I could make sure the world would let that pony be born. It was a long shot: I only had a few days to do anything, and there would be a lot of factors that I wouldn’t be able to control.”
“But I did what I could: A few bottle caps and bullets stashed in select locations, a ton of memory orbs collected and relocated, and one last favor I had to get Dashie to do for me after the bombs dropped. Things could have gone better, though. It got Dashie killed, and I kind of failed to give that pony a safe haven to go to in Manehattan.”
“And of course, regardless of whether I had done everything right or not, there’s a lot of room for things to go wrong. Two hundred years is a long time for things to go off-script. And that’s not even considering the other ponies I saw that might or might not come into the picture and make things more complicated. But the stage has been set as best it could. If she comes, the fate of the world will rest in her hooves,” finished Pinkie.
“And you’ve been waiting patiently to see if this pony really comes, right?” asked Silent Cry.
“Yep. In fact, I ran off earlier because a contact of mine had to tell me that she’s arrived. There’s a newborn foal in Stable 2 whose coat and mane are a perfect match to the pony I saw,” announced Pinkie.
Silent Cry gave a gasp of surprise.
“Yeah. I’m really glad we took care of all the kids today. I’m planning to go and watch her. I’ve been able to keep smiling for so long because I have hope in this pony. Nothing’s for certain though. She could die before her journey’s finished. She could end up falling and become worse than the ponies she might fight. But there is a chance she could do it. There is a chance she could make things right. My hope, and Equestria, will live or die with her,” declared Pinkie.
Silent Cry remained silent for a moment before speaking.
“Well then, let’s pray she grows up to be all you’re hoping for,” she said.
Pinkie Pie nodded.
The memory faded.