Welcome to the second in the court-mandated Memoirs of a Reality Jumper character Q&A side stories! Let me introduce the lovely people who will be answering your questions tonight:
(Alex) What? Again? Fine, just make it snappy.
(Ann) This is exciting. I hope I can answer their questions.
(Rainbow Dash) Woo hoo! Didn’t get enough of my awesomeness last time, boys? Just remember, I’m off the market.
(Applejack) I just hope I can answer y’alls questions.
(Big Macintosh) Eeyup.
(Golden Coins) Once more my Princess? Really? Well, since you command me.
(Scootaloo) Maybe I’ll get my Q&A cutie mark, whatever that looks like.
(Applebloom) No fanfic cutie mark from last time, but maybe this time?
(Sweetie Belle) I still like Meeester’s mane.
(Doctor Whooves) Come along, Pinkie.
(Pinkie Pie) Bowties really are cool!
(Doctor Whooves) Of course they are Pinkie. Allons-y!
(Lyra Heartstrings) If I can just get a little closer...
(Emerald) This is facinating. How often do these happen?
(Spike) Duuuude...
(Queen Chrysalis, from her magical prison on the sun) I was told this stupid stunt would take another hundred years off my sentence. If these keep going I’ll be out in no time.
(Princess Luna) We are delighted to assist our loyal and faithful Paladin.
(Princess Celestia) I am proud of my sister and her work in redeeming lost ponies.
(Twilight Sparkle) Yay! I get to talk to humans.
(Discord) … Oh I suppose I’ll do this, just to avoid the boredom. Anyway, they’ll be paying more attention to me soon enough.
(Gilda) You know why I’m here dweeb. Don’t make me say it.
(Grany Smith) Crazy modern fangled doohickies... pwefijp3o4fwg9y139 4 …
(Flim) He’s Flam!
(Flam) He's Flim!
(Fluttershy) I’m not quite … I’m sorry … I’m just not doing this right … I’ll just sit here out of everyone’s way.
(Rarity) Hello, darlings. I’m so happy you’ve wanted me to grace this little, what do you call it? Q&A? How quaint.
(Princess Cadence) Well, this is all new. I look forward to this, too bad Shining isn’t here.
(Author / Dan G.) Sure, but they still don’t know the truth, right?
And now, for the questions!
ShiningShadow1965
Alex, I saw you at the wedding and the gift you have given to Derpy and Caramel what inspired you on this I'm very curious about this.
Alex gets a faraway look as he holds Dash a little closer, “This was a gift I received at my own wedding with Ann. I really liked the sentiment and I’ve given it to any friends and family getting married. I don’t know where it originates, but I know I’ll keep it going.”
Rainbow Dash I know this is kind of personal, but do you still have doubts about yourself being really honest with you and Alex in this relationship I really want you to be good with each other I know there is no such thing as a perfect relationship do you have any thoughts about that.
Dash looks at Alex, then at you, “Okay, I never expected this kind of question. Yeah, it’s personal but I don’t mind answering. I’ve never been as honest with myself, as any other special friend. Not even Gilda. Anyway, I know Alex will never be disappointed in me or my past, and I know he feels the same. I know there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship, but this one is really close to perfect.”
Scootaloo you are a great kid and Pegasus that I will hug you and adopt you myself. Have you found your cutie mark yet, what will happen if you have your cutie mark will you leave the crusaders?
Scootaloo jumps off the couch she was sharing with Alex and Dash, “A question for me? Thanks! Rainbow Dash is always telling me I can be as awesome as her. I sure do appreciate the offer of adopting me,” she looks at Alex and Dash on the couch, and they are beaming at her, “but, I would rather be adopted by Alex and Rainbow Dash. Anyway, when I get my cutie mark, I’ll stay on to help other blank flanks. It’s easier to stick with your friends and have fun together, whether you have a cutie mark or not.
Applejack, I know your heart is not sure. If the date with Elusive doesn't pan out will you honor me in a date? If you want you can say no to this request, I will understand.
Applejack smiles coyly, “Well sugar cube, you’re a human like Alex, right? Shoot, I’ll give ya a spin.”
From a closed door in the back of the hall, you hear, “Come on sweetheart! Give me one more chance!”
Princess Luna ,I know the process of choosing another paladin is very difficult. If you look into me... no, I will not ask that. It’s very selfish of me. Do you look at the other species like the griffons, buffaloes and zebras also the dragons for those you seek for the next paladin to assist Alex?
A kind smile graces her lips, “I will consider anyone who exemplifies one or more of the aspects of redemption. My loyal Alex has demonstrated hope in all things. My newly minted Paladin, Beatrix, has shown a true understanding of dignity in both herself and in others. Neither should know their portfolio, one with a life time of loss and fear and disappointment, the other finding self worth only in humiliating others. And yet, here they are. Any creature, even a changeling, would not be out of the question.
Masterweaver
First and foremost, MONSIEUR ALEX! Hast thou, in thine travels, stumbled upon other worldhoppers? And what is the most NONHUMAN entity you have yet to encounter? Actually, break that question in two, nonhuman physically and nonhuman mentally.
Alex scratches the stubble on his chin, “If you mean involuntary jumpers like myself, no. But, there are a lot of realities out here, maybe there’s another Alex or a, I don’t know, a Jack.”
Madame Twilight, how goes your research into the oddities of human technology? Given, say, infinite budget and a laboratory to yourself, how long would you predict a technological revolution in the land of EQUESTRIA?! Also, have you stumbled across anything particularly shocking on the course of your internet travels...?
Twilight sits up a little more primly, “Of the actual artifacts the sack that is larger on the inside than the outside is an expensive, but not unknown item. The knife is well within our technological abilities. The laptop, being the gateway to the,” she shudders a little, “internet, is a different matter. Humans are much more sexualized than we are, at least you are much more open about it than we are. Alex told me about Rule 34, and I thought it would be couples snuggling, not... what it is.
DISCORD! I'd shake your talons but you're a statue! Speaking of which, what's your thoughts on the Alex thing? AND WHY WEREN'T THERE CHEESECAKE BUSHES, YOU SO CALLED FORCE OF CHAOS?!
”Oh please, I was nowhere near the height of my power. Cheesecake bushes would have been there the next day. You know, I used to know a human, bald, stoic, no fun at all, but his reactions were priceless. His friend with the bumpy head was much more interesting. Ah, those were the days. And of course I was known through the greatest actor known to man, and pony alike. I’m speaking of course of John de Lancie. Brilliant! Handsome! Modest to a fault.”
Gilda! Wait, sorry, wrong fic.
She sits in the corner on a wicker chair with a busted leg being held up by a few bricks. “I’ll be here soon enough, dweeb!” Security ponies see her and escort her out of the building, drawing a glare from Dash.
MAC! Little big Mac. I find your stoic nature endearing. Do please riddle me this, what toys have you hidden in your room? Don't deny your collector status, the show can't get everything wrong can it?
He looks at you, his face as impassive as always, “I collect miniature royal guard troops and I sometimes run historical simulations.”
Applejack gets a knowing smirk, “He means he and his buddies play with their army ponies and a bunch of weird dice.”
Alex brightens up, “That sounds cool! Can I play too? I call pegasus army.”
Big Mac just buries his head under his hooves.
While we're on the subject of Apples, MISS SMITH! Oh, um, sorry if I woke you. Just wondering, what's with the pink polka dots? Everything else in the jam making process makes sense, are you SURE it's not the paint that matters?
The Apple family matriarch squints at you, “Well that there’s an Apple family secret, sonny, but Alex asked real nice and told me there’s no zap apples where he comes from, so it won't make no difference. I’ve used different kinds of paints; water based, oil based, one of them fancy rubber paints, and as long as it was pink polka dots, the flavour stayed the same.”
APPLE BLOOM! I believe you were the baseline measure for a system measuring cuteness, did you know that? But more importantly, what are your thoughts on Mister Alex's strange human practices?
The cute little filly blushes and makes a small circle with her hoof, “Really? Me? I’m not as purdy as Sweetie Belle. I can’t see why. Anyway, Mr Roberts is always nice to me, even when he was having troubles with my sister, even after, well you know. If that’s what a human’s like, then that’s just fine by me.” She looks up, a little defiant, “I knows some ponies are upset because he eats meat, but Granny says you can’t change what you are, just how you act. Anyway, he’s family, and that’s all that matters.”
Oy! You! Orange Mare! I can see you hiding Applejack, and don't worry, I won't ask you any relationship questions. I'll just ask you this instead: Who did you contract to repair that cottage? There, see, no questions about relationships.
She glares at you in the way only Applejack can, “That’s been settled. Anyway, things are going just fine with Elusive and myself. As for who was hired to do the work? We hired local folks, including Forest Harvest and his family. You’d have to ask Alex, he has all the paperwork.”
Alex sighs, “Give me your email address and I’ll type it up for you.” He looks up with a scowl, “You owe me one, Mr Author.”
Rainbow Sprint! Or was it Run? Vateva. You have a choice: TURN ALEX INTO A PONY, FOREVER DOOMING HIM TO REMAIN APART FROM HIS HOMEWORLD.... or LET HIM SPEND HIS LAST TEN MINUTES OF LIFE AWAY FROM YOU WITH HIS FAMILY. Also, yes, you can punch me for bringing this up. I shouldn't really, but... I'm a little bit evil.
Dash looks at you, unimpressed. “Twilight, the spell we talked about? Do it now.” Twilight looks at you through the screen with the most unnerving smile you have ever seen on a pony. Her eyes narrow and her horn glows. A small vortex appears in front of Dash. Without any change of expression, Dash’s hoof snaps in and out of the vortex, leaving a hoof shaped imprint on your face. “To answer your question, neither. because we would figure out a better solution.”
FLIM! FLAM! Firstly you two are terrible business ponies, and I don't mean that ethically. I mean logically. Secondly, who amongst the cast would you go after romantically, why, how, and what will you pay me to not tell them?
Flim and Flam glance at each other with big smiles. Flam leans forward, eager to answer, “You see my fine simion friend, the lovely little numbers we would like to get our hooves on own the spa in Ponyville. Here’s five bits to keep your lip buttoned, kid. Now beat it, we got business deals to close.”
...Fluttershy. See, I can be calm. But I must ask, out of the goodness of my heart, how you handled Alex's scar story.
She looks up from her spot in the corner, on her own little couch, startled, and maybe a little frightened. She closes her eyes and collects herself. “The story he told me was sad and frightening, but in the end it’s made him stronger. He told me once the scars were gifts. Not gifts that made him happy, but they represent an experience that he now realizes gave him his first step in humility. Because he is thankful and made a horrible experience into a positive one, it lets me see those frightening reminders of terrible things as gifts as well.” You can see, out of the corner of your eye, Alex with a distant look, leaning a little closer to Dash than before.
Fair lady Rarity, with elegant styles and wondrous advice of romance, are you aware that your younger sister may be seeking the hoof of somepony Alex is considering adopting...? Or am I totally misinterpreting the situation?
Rarity’s expression is, amused. “Are you suggesting my dear little sister is romantically interested in Scootaloo?” She holds your gaze for a moment, then laughs like an angel, “Oh my goodness. She is far too young such things.”
Speaking of total misinterpretations... Mister Coins. Do you regret anything? Not just what we've seen, but anything you've done in your life?
”Regret? We all have regrets. My greatest regret, I am not ashamed to say, was the loss of my wife. Oh, do not worry yourself, she is hale in both body and mind, it is just that, I was not acceptable as a husband and, perhaps, a stallion. Who knows, the Princess may one day grace me with redemption and allow Golden Spoon back into my life. Until then, I suppose I should teach Silver Spoon to avoid my mistakes.”
Oh, you thought I forgot the Scoots? I could never forget the Scoots! And the Weaver wants to know what the Scoots thinks of the Equestrian system for dealing with foals who have been... mishandled. I understand it's a sensitive subject, but I'd like to know what an insider thinks.
Scootaloo, who had been chatting with ponies around her and hopping around excitedly, stops very suddenly. She quickly sits between Dash and Alex, looking down at her hooves. “Um, it’s okay, I guess. I have a meeting with my parents each year, and as I far as I can tell they only go because the court forces them to. I know Dash and Alex really care about me and I hope they get married real soon, so they can be my parents.”
Sweetie Bot--Belle, out of purely random curiosity, what did YOU think of Alex's technology?
She scrunches her face in concentration, and it’s simply adorable. When she finally speaks, it’s with confidence, “It’s really not much different than magic or our own machines, it just does the same thing differently.”
Aaaaaaaaaaaand now for the premier party pony, Pinkie Pie! Firstly, is the Whooves you romance capable of the feats assigned by the fandom? And, well, this question comes not from me but from another: Why haven't you told Alex you know a way home for him?
Pinkie pops out of your screen, puts a party hat on your head, and fires her party cannon in the room you’re in. “I promised him I wouldn’t talk about our adventures in space and time. When I first found this out, I asked him if he could help Alex get home. He said he couldn’t because Alex’s pony grandchildren were key to … never mind.”
((Oh and sock puppet, show the mane six Friendship is Witchcraft.))
Dan starts looking up the videos, but Alex slams the laptop closed, “No. No way. They don’t always get human humour, and I think they would find it offensive. Anyway, Sweetie Belle can never know...”
RainbowMissile97
what was the weirdest universe you had been to when you were traveling???
Alex tilts his head back and groans, “Illithid Empire, hands down. Imagine humanoids with squid heads that eat brains. I know, right? Humans were basically brain cattle to them. And the worst part? For the most part they, the humans, just accepted it. There was a small resistance movement, and I hooked up with them. Not much to say about that other it involved a lot or running and hiding. So, Illithid Empire was both weird and craptastic.”
SlinkySalamander
Seeing the way Alex reacted to Celestia, will he ever meet Luna in pony? Y'know, with similar consequences?
Twilight looks up from her book, “Oh, I’m so glad someone asked. I was hoping to introduce Alex to Princess Luna on Nightmare Night. Now that we know the effects of a Princess on Alex, we can proceed with more caution.”
DiscordsAdvocate
To Twilight: So you reckon we humans can use magic. Given we lack starswirls or any officially measure of a magical field on our home world for that matter, what medium do you think we humans can utilize to tap into the create magical effects?
Twilight flashs you an annoyed, but still friendly, scowl. “I hate to admit I was wrong, I really do, about humans being able to use pony magic. It is very detrimental to their health. However, I feel the chaos magic that is bound to him is a source of natural magic. I have a few hypothesis, but only two are both reasonable and are in accordance with the data. The first is his ability to adapt to situations, to learn very quickly, or to know just what to say to move a conversation or situation in his favor. The other I simply call luck. Things happen to him, while bad on the surface, end up being to his advantage.”
“For example, when he saved Tree Trimmer, he showed he was willing to go to great lengths to save someone he didn’t know. To us, that was the greatest act of friendship a pony could do, and it made sure we would all see him in a positive light, despite still being an alien stranger. It begs the question, was he adapting to the situation when he saw the burning house and the frightened parents, knowing the risk was minimal but the rewards great. Or, was he just lucky that situation presented itself and in performing his great act of friendship, he didn’t suffer any long term injury.”
“This is a scientific question I’m still struggling with. But,” she turns to Alex and smiles kindly, “I wonder, does it really matter?”
To Dash: So you have decided to give up being a Wonderbolt? Are the requirements for Wonderbolt material really that stringent that pegasi cannot have families? Have Spitfire or Soarin' testified to this?
Dash gives you a confident grin, “I haven’t totally given up on the Wonderbolts, they’re just not my number one priority. It’s not like they forbid families, it’s just that you’re on tour most of the year, going all over the place, and the divorce rate is crazy high, like over eighty percent. Spitfire and Soarin' both told me they’ve had relationships ruined by their time in the Wonderbolts. Anyway, I don’t know if I can stand being away from this little filly,” she musses Scootaloo’s mane, “and my big lug,” she pecks Alex on the cheek, causing Scootaloo to roll her eyes, “for so long.”
To Rarity: So you have been given ideas for clothes thanks to our worldly fashions, any particular styles that caught your eye?
Rarity looks up from a conversation with Sweetie Belle, “Human fashion? It does offer much more when compared to pony fashion, especially since they always wear cloths. However, much of it is simple and practical.” She looks down and smiles warmly, “Ann was a dear, but we both agreed she is not a fashionista. Alex did his best, but being a colt,” she shrugged. “All that being said, I quite liked the Virginia Johnson shawls, but I found most clothing to be rather plain. However, to use the human entertainer Lady Gaga as an example, not only does she make delightful music but her costumes are simply fabulous. You may see her influence in my next collection.”
To Pinkie: What is your long term goal when it comes to the culinary arts?
Pinkie pops her head out from a back room, “Still reloading the canon party cannon.” She giggles and looks at the author, “You owe me one.”
She quickly bounces to the front, “I’m working on a super secret cupcake recipe for next year’s dessert competition in Canterlot. Those new decorating tips Alex gave me might just be the super dooper edge I need.”
To Fluttershy: How do ponies regard carnivorous predators? Some keep them as pets, and you treat them now and again. Does this mean Twilight needs to feed her owl meat now and again?
She looks up, shocked, pupils pinpricks, “An... another question? So soon? Oh my. Well, carnivores eat meat, and that's their nature. I tried a special diet of tofu bits, but that didn’t work very well. I comfort the widows when I can find them, and if an animal dies from an accident, I offer the body to the meat eaters, but I always ask the families first. They understand that it’s not that they’re being cruel, it’s simply their nature. Better to eat someone who is already dead than to kill a living being. It’s not perfect, but it works.”
To Spike: Have you and Twilight figured out where the aggression towards Alex due to his scent comes from? Ancestral instincts perhaps?
”Not really. Twilight thinks it’s fera, fora, phaara...”
Twilight chips in, “Pheromones.”
“Right, pheromones. Anyway, we don’t think there’s any deep connection, just a crazy coincidence. His stink hits my angry switch. It’s weird, like I lose control. The first time I meet him it was like watching myself from the outside. Twilight’s not too worried about that now, with that whole magic killing him thing, and we have the filters working. Maybe when things settle down we’ll look into it.”
To Alex (currently thinking he's dying): Cheer up Alex. You know what they say...
Alex clicks on the link, ”I love that song!” As it plays, the room goes dead silent and all the ponies, even the Princesses, look at Alex slack jawed. He sheepishly looks at you, “But ponies don’t get it.”
To Celestia and Luna: How is it you tolerate ponies using your names in vain?
You can feel Luna’s deitific aura, even through your screen, a feeling of fear, yet also of fierce love and acceptance, “We once would punish a pony for such blasphemies, but that was a thousand years ago. We accept this as part of the freedoms ponies enjoy today, the freedoms we have been charged in protecting. It is a duty we relish, knowing it brings joy to our little ponies.”
Celestia’s radiance comes on the screen, burning in your soul, of kindness and motherly love, you feel a love filled tear drip on your cheek, “My sister is correct. We accept these outbursts as part of the love we feel for all of our children. As all parents know, in moments of frustration or anger a child may say or do something they do not mean. We now react to these things with love and compassion.”
Honey Mead
Alex: What's it like going to an all veggie diet? I have thought about it before, but well.... Bacon.
”It was tough. I mean, I had a small stash of beef jerky I kept hidden because I didn’t want to offend, but, as you said, bacon. The hardest part was making sure there was no hay in whatever I was eating. The local restaurants know not to include it in whatever I order, but some slips through now and again.”
“Mind you, now that I’ve discovered griffin menus, it’s a little easier. However, they eat their meat blue rare or rare. Doesn’t work for me with pork or chicken, but it’s always easy to add more heat.”
Techogre: What is up with Spike and the smell thing? It always bugged me, it just seemed unnecessary story wise.
The author looks up sheepishly, “I had originally planned to do something with that, but I never wrote it down in my ideas file, and for the life of me, I have no idea where I was going.
shira
To Dash and Alex: Ok then, magic permitting, foals or human children? (Assuming you survive long enough for that to be an consideration)
Alex looks at Dash and smiles, “I’m thinking foals. They and their children will be here much longer than I will. It would be unfair to bring human children in this world.”
Dash puts a hoof on the back of Alex’s head. “Yeah, foals. And he said why.”
Meeester
To Rarity or Applejack or to whomever can answer this
What exactly is aluminum used for to make it so precious and valuable? Is it the sheer rarity (my bad) of it or something entirely different?
Applejack gestures to Twilight, ”Sugar cube, I think you’re the best one to answer this one.”
Twilight, with a little smile, sits primly and prepares to lecture, “There are two types of aluminium, common and noble.”
“Common aluminium is smelted from bauxite ore that was contaminated by magic at any point in the prospecting, mining, or smelting process. In such a magic rich environment as Equestria, this represents over 99.99% of all production. Due to the difficulty in production, less than a single ton is produced world wide on a good year. This metal is desired only as a curiosity and for the prestige of owning aluminium.”
“Noble aluminum is the most complex to create because of the difficulty in finding uncontaminated bauxite and processing without magic. There is less than 1 kg produced worldwide annually, and much less than that is the norm. This metal allows ponies, most specifically unicorns, to store and focus magical energy. It can be combined with jewels to enhance specific effects and can even be attuned to specific individuals. I believe your hat contains some noble aluminium, Applejack?”
“Yes ma’am. I’ve got a thin wire sewn into the inside of the brim. It was made just to make apple bucking easier. Big Mac’s also got a wire in this collar too. There’s only about 10 g in each, but it sure does make the work day easier.”
“The Princesses each have approximately 50 kg of noble aluminium core jewelery on them at all times. It takes as little as 10 g to enhance an average unicorn, for example Rarity,” Rarity scoffed at being called average, “but she could effectively use a full kilogram, boosting her raw power levels even beyond me. I could use as much as two kilograms and be almost to unboosted Luna levels. The amount of boost provided is logarithmic to the mass of the aluminium.”
“One last thing, noble aluminium will degrade to common aluminium over time. The degradation will be hastened by actual use. The average half life, that is how long when half of a mass of noble aluminium will become common aluminum, is approximately twenty five years with average usage.”
“Now I would like to discuss the history and-,” Rarity cut her off.
“Darling, I think you have answered their question succinctly.”
“Oh, heh, I was rambling again, wasn’t I?”
“Yes, but that’s alright. It is not, in fact, the worst, thing, ever.”
Kitsuja
Rainbow Dash: What's it like having someone as loyal/stubborn as you are for a mate?
She looks at Alex, a little smile, “It’s really cool. I mean he reminds me to be reasonable, and I bring out his wild side. He talks like an egghead sometimes, but he gets really excited about it, and it’s hard not to get excited too. But, he’s my friend first, mate second. A very close second.”
Alex: Just how deep in the shit are Flim and Flam after the Beatrix photos? Unrelatedly, I am jealous of your magical knife and want one of my own.
”Up to their massive eyeballs. But you should see what Beatrix has in store for them, she’s going to...” Alex glances at Beatrix and the author, both glaring at them. The Author holds up a little sign with “No” written in black marker. “Okay, can’t talk about that. But, the knife is okay?” Beatrix shrugs and the author flips the sign, showing a “Yes”.
“Alright! Well, you just need to go to a reality where they have them. It’s basically the high magic fantasy world equivalent of a smart phone. Everyone carries one. They’re cheap, mass produced, and really handy.”
The author raises his hand, as if he was asking a question in class. “But, didn’t we agree it was a super special knife, only one of ten made?”
Alex chuckles sheepishly, “That’s my fault. Sometimes, to impress the locals, I talk my knife up. Make it sound like an artifact of power. I know it sounds foolish, but, there you go.” He looks around, to his friends and loved ones, “I know they forgave me that little lie, knowing the reasons for it.”
A chorus of supportive comments and good natured ribbing emanated from all those around him, all except Applejack. She was looking on to him disapprovingly, “You know darn well laying for any reason ain't the right thing to do, Alex. But, I suppose this is a unique situation, and I can let it go. This time. Just don’t be making a habit of it.”
Princess Luna: Would you be able to help your paladin avoid whatever it is that Twilight found is killing Alex?
Again, her aura caresses your soul, and you are at peace, “We have taken steps to ensure Twilight has all the information she needs. It is unfortunate her assistant destroyed the note.”
Twilight: What are "starswirls" exactly? What does this part of the body look like, and where is it located on a pony?
Twilight, still slightly miffed at having her aluminium lecture interrupted, climbs back onto a little box, originally for soap, and begins, “All ponies, pony like creatures like donkeys and zebras, and creatures that use and metabolize magic have Starswirl glands. Ponies have two of these small snail shaped glands, located between the kidneys and liver. Magical energy is measured in blaaneras, and most ponies can store 2 or 3 units. I have exceptionally large glands and can store 5 or 6 units. Each blaanera represents twice as much raw energy as the previous, but is only the square root more actual power. If 1 blaaneras is 1 unit of energy, 2 is 2, 3 is 4, 4 is 8, 5 is 16, 6 is 32, etc.”
To All Cast: So who is BEST PONY.
The whole cast shoulds back, “We are!”
Alex skips a beat and once everyone else has already spoken, he shouts, “Rainbow Dash!”
Dash, sporting her rakish grin yells out, “I win!”
Alex calls out, “Okay kids, I don’t think there are any more questions for you guys, how about you play outside.”
As one, they all out, “Cutie Mark Crusader Playground Safety Testers, Yay!”
Rainbow Dash: (forgive me if this has already been asked/answered) Are you going to take Alex to meet your parents?
Her expression changes to a bittersweet one, “Yeah, I’ll be sending them a letter once we get back. I was going to wait a while, but Mr Romance here had to ask me to marry him. I was a little hesitant because, well, my father isn’t the biggest fans on non-ponies. That and the whole Gilda disaster.” Alex holds her a little tighter, “Anyway, they’ll love him, just like I do.”
Have you spoke/written to Gilda since the 'incident'? Are you worried about her showing up in the near future?
She turns to Alex, “Sweetie, can you go check on Scootaloo and the other kids outside, please?” Alex smiles at her, gives her a peck on forehead, and heads out.
Dash waits until he’s out of sight, smiling in his direction. She then turns to face you, an angry snarl on her lips. “You want to know about that psycho? Fine, she still sends me letters, even though I stopped answering them months ago. Three or four every week. Actually, not quite true. The last letter I sent her was telling her I was going out with Alex, and how he treats me better than my own parents ever did, never mind her. And now, as soon as I get to Ponyville, I’ll be sending her another one, about my engagement. She can go to Tartarus for... Oh. hey Alex, kids doing okay? Great. Come here, you big lug.”
Alex/Dash: Assuming this whole death thing can be avoided, will you be
A) Getting marriedDash rolls her eyes with a slightly annoyed expression, “You see this?” she points to her stunning necklace, “ and that, “ she points to the exquisite feather Alex is wearing. “I’ll let you figure it out, egghead.”
Alex gently chides her, “Come now, he may not have read that chapter yet or maybe it’s an old question. Be nice.”
“Only for you, Alex.”
B) If yes will you have Alex's {other?] wife in attendances through the computer?
”You bet. I‘ve talked to Ann already and I know Alex wants her there. We’ll make sure his kids are there too. You know, the whole family.”
C) Where would you go for your honeymoon?
Dash starts answering, “Well, I’m not quite-”
Alex interrupts, with a cocky grin, “Wherever we can get a locked room and two weeks of room service.”
Alex: Does the rest of your family know about the 'Jumping' (i.e. brothers sisters parents) or just your wife and children? If so, how are they handling it?
”I’m an only kid, so that’s not much of a problem. My mom doesn’t really understand, but knows I’m not doing it on purpose. My dad, however, thinks I’m faking it somehow. We’ve never seen eye to eye on much, so I’m not surprised. Unless I pop up in front of him or bring him here.”
Favorite alcoholic beverage?
”That’s easy. Cider or applejack (the drink, not the person) from Sweet Apple Acres, both versions with no salt or the extra sugar version they serve to minors, and rye whisky.”
Favorite Car?
”It has been a long time. One that works and is good on fuel? I don’t know.”
Since your laptop gets internet does that mean you can play Video Games with us? Or do you not partake in the ways of the gamer?
”When you’re busy running for your life for real, playing video games kind of loses it’s appeal. But, before all this, I played a lot of Call of Duty. I’ve also played some of the video games here, very reminiscent of the arcade games you had in the early 1980’s. I’ll admit to dropping a bit or two in those machines.”
Discord: What have you to say about all this going on? You must be enjoying the show at least a little bit.
”Oh, I missed these humans, so full of that contradictory chaos that is so perfectly ordered. Who else could have made math for it. I also miss that other captain, the woman who looked like she swallowed a lemon, we had a child together. Well, doesn’t matter. I may not be at my full power, what with grim Celestia and party pooper Luna both keeping an eye on me, but I can still spice up this little party up indirectly. Just because I am the embodiment of chaos does not mean I can’t plan ahead.
Twilight: Do you know Pi? If so, to what digit, who discovered it, and do you have a Pi day?
Twilight, with a twinkle in her eye, rushes forward to answer the question. “Yes, Pi is a mathematical constant that is the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter. Most ponies use the approximation of 3.1416. I do not find this to be accurate enough, so I always use 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288, but even that is a crude approximation. I have a book in my library that has it to ten thousand places, but even I rarely go beyond one thousand places. The unicorn Archimedes discovered the principle and gave us the first approximations. As for Pi day, every Thursday is Pie day at Sugar Cube Corners, but I’m not sure that’s what you mean.”
Applejack: We are all glad to hear that you may have found your own colt-friend. Do you think he has what it takes to keep up with you on the farm?
Applejack blushes and pulls her hat down a bit, “Shoot, too soon to tell that. He’s not strong like Big Mac, but he’s willing to give an effort. I know he’s hard working when it comes to tailoring, and I’ve seen him in his shop from early in the morning until late at night. He even made a suit for Big Mac, for free, saying a stallion like him needed a fine suit. He makes me think of Rarity, but in that special way.”
Celestia: What are your feelings on this whole cross-species intermingling?
Celestia’s golden glow baths you in joy, “Love is blind and true wherever you find it.”
The warm embrace of Luna’s presence makes your heart sing, “This is true, my sister. Although many ponies sadly do not appreciate that, this is something that cannot be controlled or predicted. As such, who are even we to stand against such things? Why would any being stand against bringing more love in the world.”
Applebloom and Sweetie Belle: What are your opinions on Alex, and what are your thoughts of him and RD adopting Scootaloo?
Beatrix calls the kids in from outside, and a chorus of “Yes Miss Beatrix!” is soon followed by the three fillies. She gives you a kindly smile and repeats the question to them.
Sweetie Belle speaks while Apple Bloom nods in agreement, “I think it would be great! I know they’re both really nice and Rarity and Applejack think very highly of both of them, and Scootaloo is always talking about them. We would be very happy for our friend.”
warpd
Twilight: Since you have access to the Internet I'm pretty sure you can watch movies. So I present to you one of my favorite movies, 12 Angry Men. An interesting look into human behavior. Thoughts?
Twilight squirms uncomfortably in her chair. “Well, I don’t watch movies, anymore. Not since the Watership Down incident. Fluttershy was visiting and I thought it would be fun to watch a nice move about bunnies. Since I’m sure most humans will be familiar with that film, I don’t really have to explain. Now I get Alex to screen most of what I watch or look at on the internet.”
Spike: The MLP show that Alex is familiar with. You are voiced by a women.
He looks at you incredulously, “Dude, I have enough issues just hanging around girls all the time. Now you tell me this? Ugh, I’m out of here.”
Pinkie Pie: Are there two of you running around?
”Silly question asker! Of course not. I can just jump time streams when I have too. The Doctor says I’m like a cute little Tardis, and as long as River Song doesn’t find out we’ll all be safe, whatever that means.”
Rarity: You've been watching and helping others with their relationships. As somepony from the outside looking in what are your thoughts on the whole thing between RD and Alex?
”I for one am very happy for my friend Rainbow Dash. From the moment I meet him I knew there was a kind heart beating in his chest.” She looks at Alex for a moment, “It isyour chest that has your heart, correct?” Alex smiles and nods to his friend. “And, I will agree his looks are unconventional, some would say ugly, but his manners and actions make him a prince.” She looks sheepishly at Dash, “While I am not the Element on Honesty, I must confess some jealousy. Dash, you were able to find a kind, gentle stallion to share your life with, while my experiences have been less... successful.” For the briefest moment she has such sadness in her eyes, then she collects herself and smiles radiantly, “However, I want you both to know I have only the happiest thought and wishes for both of you.” Dash hops off the couch, and gives her a hug. She whispers something in Rarity’s ear, causing the lovely fashionista’s eyes to moisten, and to give her friend a single, determined nod.
AJ: Look Alex is eating a pear! Stop him!
”What in tarnation do you think you’re doing? You spit that out, right now mister. We Apples doesn’t eat them things. Here, eat a proper apple instead.” Applejack grabs an apple by the stem from her saddlebag and tosses it to Alex.
Alex catches it deftly, “Applejack, eating one one kind of fruit can’t be good for you. You know the old saying, variety is the spice of life.”
Her eyes narrowed dangerously, “Are you sure about that?”
Alex smiles at her, worried, “Not as sure as I was five minutes ago.” He then slowly bites into the apple.
Her expression returns to one of good natured friendliness, “That’s more like it.”
Fluttershy: Haven't seen you much lately. So I have a movie for you called Homeward Bound. Ask Twilight about it and you can both watch it when you have free time. It's a human made movie about animals.
”Oh, I’ve seen a human movie with Twilight. I’m not sure I want to see another one. They’re very scary. Unless Alex says it’s okay. And he doesn’t mind.”
RD: Hey this might be a little strange, but um...Alex's sweat is a little salty. Not saying anything else.
Dash look at the author, “Where in Equestria do you get these people?”
The author shrugs, “Got to answer him, it’s in the contract.”
“Fine.” She smiles and snorts, then gives you a sultry expression
Big Mac: Somewhere far far away in another alternate dimension...a female version of Alex hooked up with you.
”Nope. No. Absolutely not. No way. Uh, uh. No way. Twilight, you get magic-ing and get me to the universe so’s I can talk myself into some sense.”
Alex jumps off the couch, “Me too, I really don’t want this to happen. I mean, him? Seriously? He barely says three words a day. My female self must have some kind of serious brain damage to want to hook up with you. Forget it!”
Alex and Mac stand, nose to nose. Vicious scowls on their faces. This goes on for a few moments, every pony holding their breath. They both suddenly snort and start laughing. Alex speaks first, “I guess she could do worse.”
Big Mac’s usually verbose response surprised no one, “Eeyup.”
Alex: If you learn magic I would recommend the kind that would let you hang out with RD in the sky. Air bending might be up your alley.
”I don’t think Twilight would ever try to teach me magic.
Have you ever actually died before you jumped? You might have nothing to worry about if you still jump after death. Granted the whole waking up remembering that you died would be a little awkward.
”I’ve been hurt when I jumped and it never fixed that up. If I do jump when I’m dead, I’ll bet I just scare the you know what out of people I pop up beside.”
Celestia: So a human named Lauren Faust (with a helpful staff) is credited with the creation of G4 ponies or in this case your world. Did humans really create this world and we are unaware of our godlike powers or do we somehow have the ability to see across realities with the power of imagination!?
Celestia smiles wisely at you, filling your heart with hope, “We have been aware of her, and humanity, for a little over 30 of your years. On the subject of humanity, did you know your species has the capacity for infinite hope? This seemingly small thing gives us hope for our future.”
Luna: Sometimes here on earth the moon can turn blood red. It's not a bad omen just a rare occurrence. I was wondering if you can do the same to your moon.
Luna gazes upon you and you feel blessed and honored, “The moon is at times coloured red for natural reasons, such as simply being low on the horizon or excessive particulate matter in the atmosphere. However, if I so choose I can make the moon any colour I wish, but red is the easiest.”
Ann: You haven't shown up in a while. How do you and the kids feel about this whole relationship with a cartoon horse?
Your phone rings, and you answer. A middle aged, kindly sounding woman speaks. “Hi, this is Ann Roberts. I thought I would just phone you, if you don’t mind.”
You say it’s no problem.
“Great. So, Alex and a cartoon horse. If I didn’t know his situation, I would be very upset. Even knowing all the facts, I can’t say I’m happy about the situation, but what can I do?”
“You have to understand that he has been alone, truly alone, among people that not only didn’t care, but were often aggressively taking advantage of him for their own wants and needs. It was not unusual to hear from him huddled in terror in a dark cave with roars of creatures in the background.”
“Please don’t misunderstand, Alex is no coward, but he isn’t a hero either. He is just a man, frightened and alone, with only my voice in the darkness to encourage him, to give him a reason not to give up. I love him, he is and will always be my husband, but he is also a man. A frail, human man. When he arrived in Equestria, I saw for the first time since the ordeal had started, a man who had hope. I knew he was among friends and we knew he would be there a long time.”
“It was funny, one of the first times Twilight Sparkle had unsupervised access to his laptop, Rainbow Dash got in touch with me, asking me my permission to court him. At first I was reluctant, as any wife would be, until she reminded me he had been alone for a lifetime, and that she promised she would take good care of him, to be a loving friend, and maybe a wife.”
“I haven’t told the kids yet, but they know Rainbow Dash is a close friend to their father. I don’t think they fully understand everything that’s happening, but they know he loves them. That’s all they need to know right now.”
Golden Coins: Humans and other sapient beings had to deal with segregation issues before and your ideals don't work. It only leads to problems later down the line. Maybe not in your generation, but they will show up eventually.
He sneers at you, “Are all humans like you? Going on about fairness and equality? Earth ponies represent two thirds of the population, we grow the food, we do the building, we make Equestria run, yet we only get one third of the power in the Unicorn and Pegasus dominated parliaments, not originally setup by the Princesses, may we all gaze upon their glory. Where, oh fair minded human, is the fairness in that?”
Discord: Your brand of chaos and insanity? Humans have done it better without the aid of magic (if magic is involved things are even crazier).
That aside a human made a theme song about you hope you like it.”Ah, yes, A delightful tune. Like the author, I prefer the Living Tombstone version. I also find that video with you humans monkeying about trying to imitate me to be tres drole.”
Lyra: What exactly makes Alex attractive to you? It can't be the hands because minotaurs have those.There is a shifting of dust above the gathered crowd. Suddenly, a ceiling tile falls, quickly followed by a light aquamarine unicorn with grayish cyan mane and tail with white highlights. She lands directly in Alex’s lap and is sporting a huge smile. She sees Dash glaring daggers at her and immediately starts spouting, “For the record I am not attracted to the incredible fascinating Alex Roberts and his amazing hands. It’s not like I’ve been researching and studying since the day he arrived and have written a twelve volume set detailing all my observations.” She looks around, obviously very guilty, “That would be creepy.” She quickly sit in her seat in the back, with Dash glaring at her the whole way.
Chrysalis: So that human that’s running around, strange looking isn't he. I've heard human emotions are particularly powerful and tasty. Might want to look into that.
She looks at Alex with a hungry expression, “My, yes. His love is stronger than Shining Armours, stronger because he has a love as pure for two mates, and it is flavoured with just a hint of shame and fear. I would feast on him, oh what a delicate nectar it would be.”
KMCA
Twilight: I know it must have been hard to tell Alex he's dying, but why did you choose that moment to tell him?
She bashfully looks at Alex and Dash, they both smile and nod, encouraging their friend, “Well, like Dash said at the time, I was unsure how to tell Alex, if to tell him, just tell Dash, or what. I was fairly sure Dash was going to take their relationship to the next level when she asked him out to dinner and asked me for the cloud walking spell. I guess I kind of panicked. They’re both my friends, and I didn’t want to interrupt anything special, but... well, you can see I was spinning around and not thinking clearly. But, the workaround is...” Looks toward the author holding a sign saying, ‘No’. She smiled and sighed, “Well, I guess that’s all I can say about that.”
Princess Cadence: What are your feelings on this entire situation and what role if any has love played into Alex's past/future.
She looks to the elder alicorns, who nod. When she turns her attention to you, a warmth and a love fills your soul, “I can say a few things on this subject. Although Alex has been here only a short time, he has made a positive impression on my sister-in-law, and all the Elements, especially Rainbow Dash. To use his words, it is an honest love, based on respect and admiration, not mere physical pleasures.” At that, Dash snorts a sharp laugh and snuggles into Alex. “In the same way love has sustained him in his travels, love has given him a home here. While he is not of Equestria, he loves this place and its people as fiercely as any native.”
Alex: It's all going to work out for the best buddy, just hold it together. You are ‘after all’ a very important person to many of the most powerful ponies in equestria, they'll find some way to help you.
”I appreciate your kind words, but as long as I have Dash by my side, I’m not worried. That and, come on, when you have Twilight Sparkle and two Princesses working the science angle, would you be worried? I’m not. I’ve got three things in my life; the theatre, my duties as a Paladin, and my soon to be family. I’m afraid I just don’t have time to worry.”
Also what are the farthest extremes in magical and technological realities you've experienced. You've mentioned Mr. Richards several times and while you say you've never had anything more than mutual allies how you've spoken of him leads me to believe he WAS actually a friend to you when you needed it most. Or is there just story behind this that we aren't aware of?
Alex sits back and strokes the stubble on his chin, “Reed. He was everything you would hope a superhero to be, everything you, as a person, would want to be. Heck, I was only in that world for a week, but once I got past Ben Grimm, by having Reed listen to what I had to say, he started working on getting me home. Actually, the first thing he did was build my laptop. Even if it’s crushed and destroyed, it would rebuild itself over time, I just had to keep a piece, no matter how small. It grew back fairly slowly, so I could be out of contact for years from my perspective, but, it would always grow back eventually. I think this is longest it hasn’t taken an arrow to the keyboard.”
“Anyway, I don’t know if I was anything more than an interesting science experiment, but he treated me like a long lost friend. He literally worked around the clock for me, a complete stranger, and the sheer amount of effort he put into it, well, it was humbling. He couldn’t get me home, something about a transdimensional vector that was pulling me, but he did give me my lifeline. For that, I’ll be eternally grateful.”
Rainbow Dash: First off, I know how much it must suck to finally be with someone who treats you right only to have them ripped away but just remember, even if he is to die next week you've still had time with someone who loves you and you love.
Anyways, onto the question. How has your life changed since Alex came into it, and do you regret any of it? (I can guess your "Tough Filly" answer but I want to know how YOU feel, not how you want people/ponies to think you feel)Dash smiles at you, then snuggles closer to Alex. “Yeah, the tough me would probably say something about him dragging me down or messing with my chances to join the Wonderbolts, but she’s not here. It just feels good to know I have someone I can trust, and I mean really trust, to love me no matter what. Also, after certain bone head moves, I know he trusts me, absolutely. As crazy as it sounds, because he’s not all that tough or strong, he makes me feel safe. Emotionally, ya know. And, I don’t regret any of it, not for a second. Even if Twilight never finds a fix and we’re never intimate again, I would never give up this big lug.”
'Trixie': Do you think you'll regret taking Alex or Luna up on their job offerings and how wary are you of Flim and Flam?
She flashes you a sultry smile and in a loud, strong voice, “The Grrreat And Powerful Trrrrrixie, never regrets anything she has ever done.” She chuckles and this time speaks in a clear, confident voice, “Beatrix, however, hopes she is doing the right thing. Alex has been everything Princess Luna said he was, and I’ve found a great friendship in Twilight Sparkle. I look forward to meeting the others in Ponyville and, with a little hope and humility, count them as friends as well. As for Flim and Flam, they’re not bad ponies, just a little stupid at times. We will show them a better way.”
Twilight: What is your opinion on humans after having dealt with Alex and your... exposure to the internet.
She visibly shudders, “Humans are so much more base than ponies. They are always trying to feed some hunger. Even Alex can be very crude, and even a comment he perceives as innocent and without subtext can be shocking to us. He has learned to judge his words more carefully in front of strangers and Fluttershy, but he still slips. He’s told me ponies are innocent by human standards, and am happy to know he understands our differences. We all understand he is not saying shocking things on purpose, but it is still a minor cultural misunderstanding. To his credit, he rarely repeats an offense. More than twice.”
Alex: What would your reaction be if you encountered another jumper from your reality.
Alex purses his lips, “I’ve put a lot of thought into this, because if it ever happens, we will have to act fast. The first thing I would do is get Twilight for heavy weapon support. I mean if she can grab and hold an ursa minor, one human should be doable, I hope. If she’s not available, I’ll grab Beatrix or Rarity. After that, the first unicorn I think that could do what I need.”
“I will also get the word out to avoid this human under any circumstances. I know what I would be capable of if I was broken, I’m afraid to think what someone who was less grounded individual was capable of.”
“So, I show up, leading as many of the Element and Paladins as possible, and a message sent to all the Princesses to let them know what was happening, since they can disable a human just by being in the same room. I would have the Elements and Paladin all hang back, ready to assist. I would approach him or her, offer some food and drink, and some medical aid, if they need it. I would talk with them, get a feel for the individual.”
“If I suspect there is any problem, I’ll have a prearranged signal with Twilight, and she’ll grab and disarm them. Otherwise, I’ll take care of them until we can figure out how they can contribute.”
Lyra: Has it occurred to you that Alex would be more responsive to questioning and study if you were open and calm about it?
”What? You mean like poke him with a stick until he gets mad?” Lyra rolls her eyes at you, “That’s crazy.”
JimboTex
For Twilight:
1) If your brother and Princess Cadance successfully expelled Queen Chrysalis and her mooks from Equestria with The Power of Love(TM), what's got you and RD so spooked about Alex's offhand comment vis a vis the CMC's latest crusade?”While we were able to clear out most of Canterlot, there is still the chance of changelings in other cities. Our main concern is what if they find something.”
2) Have you spent any time over at TV Tropes?
She rolls her eyes a little, ”I went there once, with Alex, and some of the conclusions are interesting, but wrong. Let’s just leave it at that.”
3) If you want to learn more about human magic, I can suggest a place.
Twilight watches the Rick Astley video, “I don’t get it. It’s a nice song, I suppose.” She looks at Alex, and he motions her closer, after a few moments Twilight comes back. “I still don’t get it, but Alex suggested you might like this.“
4) What do you think of Stephenie Meyer's Luna-damned sparkly vampires?
”Do I, really? … Stupid contract.” She sighs and answers your question. “I have not read the books or seen the films. Frankly, any romance involving dead blood sucking vampires is really creepy and wrong.”
5) With the exception of certain oddball corner cases, human populations are roughly evenly split between males and females, yet in the show based on the lives of you and your friends, there's a disproportionately high mare-to-stallion ratio. Is this an aspect of Equestrian society that the show got wrong (or at least took artistic license with), or is there something going on with Equestrian genetics that lends itself to having many more mares than stallions?
Twilight mumbles, “Fluttershy, can you take this one? No? Fine.” She steps up and gives you a forced smile, “The short answer is that there are more mares than stallions, but stallions tend to be more promiscuous. In fact, married stallions are the exception rather than the rule. There, are you happy?”
For Rainbow Dash:
1) Do you know a pegasus named Ace Swift?
Is he a stallion with red coat? Brownish blond mane and tail? Ya, I dated him a few times. Never picked up the tab, always a short this week. Come to think of it, he was a little short every week, in every way.” The mares all quietly chuckle while every male sits quietly, hoping never to have their shortcomings brought out in public like this.
2) Are you going to enlist Pinkie Pie's help in thinking up a "revenge prank" to pull on Twilight? Or are you just going to let it go once you find out why she did what she did?
She gets a sly smile, looking at Twilight, “I can’t tell you want I’m going to do, it would ruin the surprise.” Twilight looks away, her brow wrinkled in worry. Dash glanced at Twilight again, then motions you closer. She whispers in your ear, “That was the prank, now I don’t have to anything.” She titters at her own pranking genius.
3) Have you ever been friend-zoned by somepony you were interested in?
”Yeah, it happened a few times, but that doesn’t matter now. If any pony interested in me doesn’t friend zone me now, they’re in for a real disappointment.”
For Alex:
1) Are you as frustrated by Twilight's cock-block as RD appeared to be?”Meh. I’ve gotten to know her, and I know she didn’t do it on purpose. Anyway, at that point there was no way something wasn’t going to happen.”
2) Did you pick up any interesting combat skills during your previous jumps?
”The only one I took the time to really learn was what I was taught by Suun Kyat. Did you ever see that old Conan movie, with Arnold Schwarzenegger? Remember the little old guy that trained him? Well I got got trained by his bastard son-of-a-bitch brother. Turns out I have very little natural skill in fighting, and he did the best he could. I only had about eight months of daily training, but, ya. I can do okay against drunks and idiots who don’t know what they’re doing, but put someone who knows against me? I just hope I get lucky.”
3) Do you know where your towel is?
”In the bathroom, beside the tub and shower, I think. You have to understand that I’m not one of those hoopy froods who knows where his towel is.” Everyone in the room gawks at Alex, everyone except the Princesses, who titter politely.
For Princess Luna:
1) Do you think Twilight's on to something with her "Alex is gonna die" panic? If so, how does it affect your plans for him as a Paladin of Redemption?She smiles at you, bring a tear of joy to your eye, “Events must follow their natural course. I would not have chosen him if he or his influence would not have a positive impact in the very long term.
2) Which Virtue of Redemption, as it were, does Coins represent?
Luna’s gaze falls on you, and you feel you are a disappointment in her eyes, “I’m afraid, my inquisitive little supplicant, that Coins, while on the path to redemption is not one who exemplifies a virtue of redemption.” She turns to Coins, who is obviously heartbroken by this, “But, my child, you will always be close to the heart of your Princess, like any who truly, honestly, seeks redemption.”
For Golden Coins:
1) When you swindled Alex out of most of his fortune, you flat out lied about the past due date on the Sweet Apple Acres mortgage. At the very least, that's extortion, if not outright fraud. Assuming that Equestrian law is similar to American law, I'm pretty sure that whichever definition your actions fit under is criminally actionable. Do you consider yourself lucky that Alex probably won't be pressing charges?Coins looks at the Princess for guidance, still devastated by the previous statement. The princess simply, kindly, inclined her head slightly. With growing determination, Coins answers, “I used a quirk of Equestrian law, set down over two thousand years ago. It is the principle of the weaker party has protection and power over the stronger party. Such contracts, when signed and sealed with a red hoof print, or thumb print in his case, are unbreakable. It is assumed that the party with more resources would be able to determine if the contract is fair. The wealthier of the two parties, in this case Alex, will have legal counsel and resources to bring to bear to make sure the contract is fair. I abused the intent of this law, to protect the weaker party, to take what was not mine.”
2) Even if you were somehow okay with your daughter bullying Scootaloo (a pegasus) and Sweetie Belle (a unicorn), would you have condoned her similar treatment of Apple Bloom, a fellow Earth pony, prior to Alex's arrival?
He licks his lips, a shamed look on his face, “In the past, her association with the other races would have tainted her. Now? Well, I am forced to reconsider my approach and my attitudes.”
3) While we're on the subject of Silver Spoon, I'd recommend checking to see if any of your prejudices have rubbed off on her.
He smiles sadly, “Yes, my beloved daughter. I... she is so young, I don’t want her to share in my failings.”
For Fluttershy:
1) I'm not the only one to notice this, but you've been awfully quiet, even by your standards, since Alex announced his plans for town hall. Is there a reason for this?She peeks at you from around her bangs, “I’m sorry. I suppose I should say something? I’m just very busy.”
2) How do you put up with the constant abuse you receive from Angel Bunny?
”But, my little angel bunny isn’t abusive, he’s just misunderstood.”
Twilight grabs the microphone, “Oh, I get it! I was Rick Rolled. Still not funny.”
jplsnake252719952012
This one will be for Twilight - If Alex ever wanted children of his own couldn’t you just cast a spell to make it possible or would you have to turn him into a pony for a day?
She pauses for a moment, putting her amazing intellect to the task. ”While it would be possible to do this, it would only be a cosmetic change. His DNA would not be altered, so even if it was changed, he could never get any mare pregnant.”
This one is for Alex and Dash - If you adopt Scootaloo would you want children of your own so Scootaloo would probably love to have a brother or sister
Alex puts his hand on Dash’s cheek, “We haven’t talked about it, but if it’s an option, then yes. I have a few human solutions, but I haven’t discussed them yet. Anyway, my little pumpkin would make a great big sister.”
Dash beams at Alex, then shyly smirks at you, “It’s a little early, but yeah. I think Scoots would make an awesome big sister.”
TyrellTheDragon
What was your inspiration for the off-shoot of it where the main character never started jumping?
Everyone throws a questioning glance at the Author, who is chatting up Twilight, “... so I sez to him, I sez ... what?” Twilight rolls her eyes and finds a different chat mate. “Oh, you mean ‘Love will find a way’. The author smiles at his old friend, Alex, “We’ve know each other for over 30 years, and he’s always been away from home, lost, and so on. This is the first time I’ve seen him in love. I mean something really special. And I wondered how deep that love went. I mean, could it cross realities? I thought so.”
blawrg
@ alex
what's your favorite type of meat? :3Alex looks off, a grin slowly creeping onto his face. Dash rolls her eyes and hits him, bringing him back from wherever he was. “I like fish, pork, and chicken. Whatever I can get, really. Here in Ponyville it’s mostly fish, but I can get some salted meats now and again. I don’t like to special order it because I have to get a 200 liter barrel and I don’t go through that much meat.”
Stalking_Z0mbie
@ applejack
i bet you can't eat all those applesApplejack rolls her eyes and sighs. She looks at you straight in the eye, in completely flat voice, “That’s my line.”
crazynrandom
>> TyrellTheDragon Are you talking about "Love will find a way"? As far as I am concerned, this one was set after his next jump(or few jumps), the one where he returns to earth and to his 'former' family. At least that's what the Dash-Bot made me think, with all her small bits of conversation that weren't supposed to be in her. - Well anyway, I may be completely wrong
@ Alex
1# So Alex, when is the wedding, huh? I am really looking forward to it. So happy for you two!”Thank you very much, crazynrandom. I hope to see you at the wedding.”
2# Any ideas for yours and Dash’s honeymoon? Where would you like to go, or where would Dash like to go? Map
Alex smirks, “Like I said, a locked room and-”
Dash smacks him, “It was only funny once, and not very funny then.” She smirks and gives him a peck on the cheek, “What Mr Comedian here means is that we haven’t decided. But, wherever we go, as long as we’re together,” she gives Alex a rakish smirk, “and have room service, we’ll be happy.”
@Pinkie Pie and Twilight
Pinkie how does it feel to constantly shatter the 4th wall and Twilight are you not afraid that the stability of the space-time continuum might suffer as a result of this? Maybe you should consider talking to Doctor Whooves, I am sure he has some advice. (@Techogre *hinthint*)You feel a tap on your shoulder and when you turn you’re looking straight into the biggest, bluest, happiest eyes you have ever seen. A familiar squeaky voice starts to speak, “You sure know a lot about the wall. You also sound a little like Whoovsies. Maybe we’ll be back, after this is over, just to make sure everything is good. Okey dokie lokie? Okey, dokie, lokie.” As quickly as she appeared, she disappears back into the screen.
@All
Well, Alex has his fancy laptop, how about a movie night? Some good old 28 Days Later, The Last Unicorn, Matrix, Fight Club, How To Train Your Dragon or anything xDAlex flashs the Author a look of concern. “Look, you’re not the first to suggest a movie. I don’t think any of those movies would appeal to pony sensibilities.”
Applejack- why do you have pigs?
”Shoot, we have them for three reasons. First, they eat up all them apple not good enough to sell. Second we use their waste for fertilizer. Third, we sell them to the Griffin Kratocracy.”
taz2723
@ Alex
How do you feel about Lyra's obsession with hands?”Lyra? Lyra Heartstrings? That nice aquamarine unicorn? The one who got lost on the way here and accidentally dropped into my lap? Really? I guess that would be a little creepy. She seemed nice enough.”
Dash leans in to Alex and whispers, “That mare makes Twilight’s OCD look like a mild interest.”
Alex’s eyes go big, he looks at Dash. She nods. He looks back at Lyra, who waves excitedly at him. Alex hesitatingly waves back.
Do you feel like it might just be better if she had her own hands to obsess over?
Alex worriedly glances at his own hands, “She can’t have mine.”
Dash glances back to her and comments, “They belong to me.” She then takes his hand and kissed his palm while looking at Lyra. Lyra blanches and Dash smiles, “She got the message.”
Which do you prefer, cake or pie?
”Normally pie, but right now? Whatever distracts Lyra.”
@Doctor Whooves
Are you trapped in this alternate reality?The brown pony with hourglass cutie mark breaths out with puffed cheeks, then answers with a distinctly British accent. “Aw, well, I wouldn’t say trapped. Not anymore, at least. Not with my new, very lovely friend Pinkie.” He glances at Alex with affection. “You know, there are over one hundred billion sentient species in this galaxy alone, but there are only two that never fail to amaze me. Me! And I’ve been around for over nine hundred years.” A manic expression of joy, burst through, “Mark my words, when these two species meet properly, they will amaze everyone forever.”
What do you do for a living?
”Timepieces of all kinds but mostly sand clocks and hour glasses. I find them really fascinating items.”
@Trixie
Do you regret not being a showpony anymore?I will answer as Beatrix, if you don’t mind. Trixie is my stage name, and, she is not needed right now. I was, depressed, and sad. Oh, I appreciated the job, but, it was not what I wanted to do. And Blueberry Fritter was and is a wonderful friend.” She beams at Alex, “When I was offered the position at the new Ponyville theatre I was... well, happy does not begin to describe it. Alex offered me a chance at redemption, a chance to share my gift, sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly, when I will invite entertainers. When the audience wept with joy or laughter, or even sadness, sat thoughtfully, or had their hearts filled with rage at an injustice, this will be my doing, directly or indirectly.” With a slight quaver in her voice, “I only regret,” she chokes back some tears, “I only regret not having made friends like Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Rarity earlier in my life.” The named ponies quickly go to her side, and hug their new friend.
Do you harbor any unresolved feelings towards the ponies of Ponyville after the Ursa Minor incident?
Beatrix regains her composure and gets a mischievous gleam in her eye, “I do not, however,” A sudden burst of magic and Beatrix has a purple hat spangled with silver stars and a matching cape. WIth a loud and arrogant tone, she continues, “The Great and Powerful Trixie, most certainly does. They may have bested me, but they will rue the day!” The audience chuckled, “Well, go on, rue. Curses!” With a theatrical twirl of her cape and another burst of magic, Beatrix is back on her seat, with an amused smile. Her friends stomp their hooves and cheer in appreciation for the over-the-top Trixie and their friend Beatrix.
@Cutemark Crusaders
How goes the crusading? Any clues about your Cutiemarks yet?Applebloom, being the natural leader, answers, “Mine will likely have an apple. I think Sweetie Belle will have a music cutie mark.” Sweetie Belle moans and rolls her eyes. “And Scootaloo? She’s great dancer, so it might have something to do with that. But, it really doesn’t matter, because we’ll be friends forever.”
@Pinkie Pie
Which do you prefer, cupcakes, or muffins?As one the trio of fillies yell out, “Cupcakes!”
officialDJPon-3
To Alex,
(1) Say if someone would to hurt Dash, your fiance, what would be your instinctive reaction and what would you.
Alex looks down, rubbing his jaw and thinking for a few moments. Dash placed her hoof on his arm, gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. Alex turned to her, and she only smiled and nodded. ”I’m not exactly proud of this, but if some monster hurt my angel, my gut reaction would be to prevent them from hurting anyone else. I know it sounds like bravado, and I’ll admit I’m not a warrior by any stretch of the imagination, but if you hurt my family, I’ll call in every favor I have and use every resource at my disposal to do it. But, I hope I can find a better solution before it comes to that.”
(2) So since you’re getting married, what are your thoughts on the little one named Scootaloo.(if Scootaloo overheard this question secretly tell me in a way she might not understand)
Alex smirked at Scoots, “I don’t have anything to hide from her. She knows that the day after we’re married, we sign the paperwork to start the adoption process. Heck, based on what I’ve seen, Equestrians like their paperwork, so I’ll be getting it soon to make sure it’s all filled out.”
Kris Denger
What universes have you warped to? Any that were parallel to the versions we are familiar with?
”Some were parallel to our own, like the first one where the nazis won the second world war. The one with Mr Fantastic was very close to ours, but with superheroes. Until I landed here, the one thing they had in common was humans, otherwise they were almost anything you could imagine.”
Talisman64
Okay, so I've only got a couple of questions at the moment, but I'll probably have more later. I know, shocking for a questions and answers session.
Alex: That knife of yours, can it morph into any form of handheld metal object, like a pistol (I can't imagine you using one; just as an example) or is it like the evil terminator from Terminator 2, and it can only turn into single piece objects, like a hammer?
Alex pulls the knife out with a smirk, “This bad boy in limited to solid objects, so no guns. But, it has a limited ability to alter its mass, anywhere from about 500 g to about 2 kg. It has a bunch a presets, like knife, garrott, grappling hook, pry bar, etc, but any solid object I can imagine with enough clarity I can create a preset. Let’s say I want a ladle, I picture a ladle in my mind,” Alex closes his eyes and concentrates, “give it a name, ‘LADLE’, and, presto bang-o, a ladle.” In his hands is now a crude ladle.
Rainbow Dash: Now, I'm surprised no one has asked you this yet, but would the awesome, incredible Rainbow Dash be willing to sign her autograph for a fan, here?
”Sure!” Dash reaches beside the seat to a saddlebag and pulls out a signed picture of herself. “Twilight?” She nods, her horn glows, and on a little puff of purple flame the picture incinerates. You are suddenly blinded by a flash, and a signed picture of Rainbow Dash slowly floats into your lap.
Stillmatic
Yeah, I got a question. Is our realty jumper more like Ghostface Killa, Raekwon, or Method Man? For science's sake, of course.
Alex blinks at you, looks around to a sea to confused ponies, “They’re rappers, correct?. I was a 40 year old white guy who was into Wierd Al and metal. I only know they were rappers because I looked up the names. I have no clue who I would be like. Who do YOU think I would be most like.”
Well, this concludes our second Memoirs Q&A. I hope you enjoyed reading is as much as we enjoyed answering your questions. Good night, and good dreams!
- Dan G.
Note: I have edited some questions for grammar and so on, but the not the nature of the question.
Special thanks for the last minute bug hunt / pre-read / editing by TyrellTheDragon, SlinkySalamander, and blawrg on Fimfiction.net.
