//------------------------------// // Chapter XXXII: Memories // Story: Nocturnal Mayhem // by Silvak //------------------------------// "Why don't you die already you bloody damn Venanite!" I furiously shouted as I swung my sword at a five-headed amalgamation of what was once probably just some poor souls that were living their lives before being infected by the Venanite virus, its form a hulking mass with one massive arm on its left side with three stringy blade-tipped arms on the other. As I sliced off two of Venanite's heads, I heard a familiar voice crying out, "By Faust, this nightmare is nothing I have ever seen!" causing me to glance behind me to see Luna looking about in horror as she gaped at the sight of ruined structures, rapidly decaying Venanite corpses and the torn remains of the innocents that suffered the cruelty of the Venanites. Upon seeing her, I suddenly realized that I was dreaming, which brought me to a state of lucidity as I froze the dream, with the amalgamation frozen with two of its clawed hands about to hit my head in a vain attempt to tear it off. "Mother? What are you doing in my dreams?" I asked as I looked down on myself, seeing that I was in my anthropomorphic form while Luna was still in her normal form. "I am here to talk to you about your overall behavior," Luna answered as she lit her horn up, dispersing the scenery and shifting my form back into the normal one. That was when I remembered the events that led up to this. Shortly after Shining ended his spell, Luna tried to scold me, only to end up witnessing me jumping towards Shining and latching onto his face. It took a few minutes before they finally pried me off his face, which led to me getting a scolding and being forced to apologize to Shining for my behavior before being sent to bed early as a punishment. "Hey, remember I said I was me—" I started to say until Luna lit her horn up, upon which my muzzle suddenly disappeared. While I was partly occupied by placing my hooves over the smooth surface where my muzzle once called home, Luna stated, "This is bigger than anypony would have expected, despite your past. We simply can't just let this continue on any longer. You claim to be over two hundred years, and yet you act like a perpetual child with an arrogant belief that you can't be truly punished. That idea ends here. You claimed to be messed up, but you have yet given us any reason for whatever mental ailment that you suffer from can be treated," before she lit her horn again, causing my muzzle to reappear on my face. "Well, excuse me for not wanting to terrify anypony with my history. How about I show you what turned me into the little 'monster' before you, so you can decide it if can be fixed or not? Since we're in my dreams, I assume there is a way for me to show you that event?" I countered, causing Luna to frown at me. "There is, just recall the memory and focus on the dreamscape becoming that memory," Luna answered. Giving her a nod, I looked up as I went to recall the memory that changed me forever, only to find nothing there. Blinking, I furrowed my brows, trying to recall the memory to no avail. Eventually, Luna asked, "Well? Are you going to present this memory of yours or are you just stalling for time?" Giving Luna a look that was a mixture of annoyance and alarm, I replied, "I... I can't recall it." "Then you have been lying to us. What a dis—" "No, I wasn't lying, and I recall memories of myself referring to it before, even before I came to Equestria. Something's wrong," I said, as my expression turned into pure alarm, which caused Luna's own annoyance to fade away into concern. "Mayhaps you have forgotten that memory?" Luna asked, to which I just shook my head at her. "That memory made me into what I am today, it's not something I would ever forget, for I remember that it always haunted me," I answered before lifting my left forehoof to my muzzle to bite on, to which Luna left me to my own thoughts. After a moment, I glanced at her as I asked, "Is there any way to use my dream to view the status of my memories?" Luna nodded, saying, "There is a way, though I don't normally use the spell to check on them without the consent of the owner," as she lit her horn up, changing the scenery to a massive room full hallways, each filled with mirrors that hung off the walls in their own frames. "This place is a representation of your mind's memories, with each of these hallways represents a period of time the memories belong to. Though, with the number of hallways you have here, I have to say that your claim to be over two hundred years is true." Giving her a simple nod of acknowledgment, I trotted around the edge of the room, briefly glancing into the hallways until I came to a sudden stop before one, where I gaped at the sight of empty frames. "Mother... is there supposed to be a hallway filled with empty frames?" Frowning, Luna walked over to the hallway I was standing in front of, peering into it before saying, "No... there shouldn't be any empty frames, for your case. These frames represent lost memories." "Lost memories! Is there any way to recover them‽" I asked, with fear apparent on my face that somewhat unnerved Luna a bit. "There isn't a spell that can simply recover memories with ease, particularly those that no other pony is familiar with, however, I do have a spell that might point us in the direction of the lost memories," Luna stated as she lit her horn once more, this time unleashing a transparent sphere that grew in size, passing right through me as it continued expanded, even going into the hallways. After a moment, Luna frowned as she took one a look of shock, which prompted me to ask, "What is it? What's wrong?" Luna turned her attention towards me as she chewed her lip for a moment before finally saying, "There is no trace of your missing memories." "What‽ What do you mean by that‽" I exclaimed at the thought that part of my past is gone. "As I said, there is no trace of them here. There isn't even fragmented pieces of your memory. They're just... gone," Luna explained, which caused me to start pacing back and forth as I ran that through my mind. "Memories just don't go away like that, that do—wait, could something invaded my mind somehow and stole them?" I asked as I pointed a hoof at Luna. Shaking her head, Luna answered, "No, there is no traces of tampering with your memories. Furthermore, your mind isn't one to be entered lightly, you have some mental barriers that gave even me a challenge to penetrate without alerting you. However, I do have a theory on what caused their disappearance." "Well, what are you waiting for? Tell me what caused this!" I shrieked. Sighing, Luna replied, "It is most likely a side effect of your 'death'. Such a traumatic experience and later rebirth wouldn't have left you unscathed. It is likely that the memories you lost are a result of your temporary demise. However, to be certain, I would need you to review your memories to see what you have lost, for if you lost memories of something rather important, then this can be the only answer in sight." Staring at her for a moment, I racked my brain for every important memory, either in a personal or business sense, to me, before my pupils widen as I said, "I can't remember the first twenty years of my life!" "That's... peculiar, but it lends to my theory, since your oldest memories may be more vulnerable than the rest," Luna stated while I just started to hyperventilate, causing her to be alarmed by it. "What is wr—" "I just lost the formative years of my life! The years that made me who I am! Even the one that twisted me into this corrupt version of the original me, whatever they may be now!" I exclaimed as I flailed my hooves about. "Wait, what about the rest of your life?" Luna asked with a raised eyebrow. "Well, considering it was fight fight fight and kill kill kill Venanites and other evils, I don't think those memories are all that great to remember," I said in a deadpanned tone. "Point taken... but you should look at this as an opportunity! Not only a new life but a fresh start!" Luna declared with a smug smile, only for it to fade from the flat stare I was giving her. "I'm being serious." "I know, but one doesn't just abandon twenty years of their life on a whim," I countered. "And what are you going to do about that then? Do you have the means to recover what is now lost? Unless Equestria has developed a spell to recover memories that are entirely lost, which I doubt such a means exist, it is best for you to move on with your life instead of panicking," Luna stated, as I just looked to the side, eye twitching at how she was so dismissive about my loss. This went on until I felt a hoof beneath my chin, which turned my face towards Luna's sorrow-filled one, as she said, "I know that you're feeling a great loss, for you have lost precious memories dear to your heart, but you must move on instead of dwelling on the past. Your past doesn't make you who you are. It is the choices you make now that makes you the pony you want to be in the future." Looking into her eyes, I saw genuine care for me in them, which caused me to seriously consider her statement, before looking to the side as I said, "I don't know now... all I have now is the memories of me fighting a war. What good can I do when all I can recall is fighting?" "Do not think of yourself so lightly, you devoted yourself to fighting a great evil for almost two centuries. You may be self-centered, cruel, arrogant, obnoxious—" "Jeeze, I feel so good about myself now," I shot in with a flat look, only for Luna to clamp my mouth shut with a hoof. "—vain, and possibly perverted, but you have shown concern for your friends, disciple when truly needed, and generosity. We just need to curb back the worst of your traits while fostering your better ones," Luna stated, causing me to raise an eyebrow at her before she lowered her head to nuzzle the side of my face, much to my dismay. "Mom... stop that..." I said, trying to push her head off without using too much force. Raising her head up, Luna smirked at me as she stated, "Nice to see that you're coming around," before her expression turned sour. "But you're still going to punished for your behavior. No more of your shenanigans or I will have you chained to my side at all times." Tilting my head to the side, I replied, "That's oddly spe—" "And Sunset will be accompanied by a unicorn guard with strict orders to put you in that bubble if you try any more of your stunts," Luna continued. "It is time for you to start acting like a princess instead of a vagabond." Blinking owlishly, I stated, "I don't think mothers normally don't flip from confronting their foal to punishing them." "True, but since you're quite flippant about so many matters, it might be good to flip the tables on you," Luna explained with a grin, causing me to groan at her remark. "Now, onto another matter." Groaning in protest, I asked, "Can't we just settle on what has happened already? I already have enough on my plate as is." Shaking her head, Luna answered, "No, for this is an important matter as well, one that I will stay in your dream until we resolve this." Sighing, I replied, "Fine, not like I got much choice here. So what is it?" "It is your hostilities you share with your cousin. It is time we do something about that," Luna declared with a look of determination. "You must learn to be able to make peace with him before he returns from Ponyville." Looking straight at Luna, I said the only thing that came to my mind. "Welp, guess we're going to be here for an eternity then."