As we went along, Pinkie kept looking up at the clouds, as if expecting to see something up there. Perhaps one of her friends was a pegasus. Suddenly, she pulled to a stop, so quickly that I stumbled againt her.
“Pinkie, what-”
“There!”
She pointed excitedly with her hoof. I looked up, and for a second, I could have sworn the cloud she was indicating was letting loose a rainbow far away. But Pinkie called out, “Rainbow DAAAASH!” in a loud singsong, and the rainbow twitched.
It was a pony’s tail!
There was a noise like the roar of a jet plane as something left the cloud, making it dissipate, and a rainbow trail seemed to emanate from the spot. With a flap of wings and clatter of hooves, a female pegasus pony landed in front of us.
She was Pinkie’s size, but slimmer in build, with a light-blue coat, magenta-colored eyes, and a messy mane and tail streaked with all of the colors of the rainbow. Her cutie mark, as Pinkie said those things on their flanks were called, resembled a cloud letting loose a rainbow-colored lightning bolt.
“Hey, Pinks! What’s going on?” she asked.
Her voice was raspy and rather boyish. When she had landed, she had hardly taken notice of me, but when she finally did, she jumped about a foot in the air. Then, landing back on all four hooves, she took a defensive stance, glaring suspiciously at me. Honestly, if I hadn’t been so nervous of what she might do to me, I’d have said she looked kind of cute when she was riled.
“What’s going on here?” she asked. “Is this big ape giving you a hard time? I’ll fix him for ya!”
She pawed the ground, looking about ready to charge, so I couldn’t resist flinching backwards.
“Dashie, it’s ok!” said Pinkie. “He’s my newest friend!”
The pegasus looked up at Pinkie, a look of incredulity on her face.
“Friend? Boy, Pinkie, I knew you made friends with everypony, but I never expected this.”
She nodded with her head towards me, and I couldn’t help but feel insulted at being referred to as ‘this’.
“He’s not a monster, Rainbow Dash,” said Pinkie, exasperated. “He’s a human.”
“A human?” asked Rainbow Dash, surprised. “Come on, Pinkie. There hasn't been a human in Equestria in forever! They're just an old pony’s tale these days.”
"Well, not anymore," said Pinkie, proudly. "Thanks to Davie, here."
“'Davie'? You already named it?”
Rainbow Dash put a hoof to her temple in exasperation.
“Pinkie…you’re not supposed to name these things.”
“But Rainbow, he isn’t-”
“Once you name it, you start getting attached to it!”
This was too much for me. Insulted and angry, I said,
“Now hold on a second! You’ve got a lot of nerve, miss! I’m not some brainless animal who feasts on tree leaves and does his business in the bushes. Pinkie didn’t catch me or train me or even name me; she found me out in the fields! If you'd just let her explain everything, this wouldn't be happening right now!”
Rainbow Dash took a step back, floored by my tone. Pinkie looked between the two of us with apprehension on her face, worried of what might follow. However, I felt no desire to pursue the course like a ranting lunatic, so I sighed and said, in a calmer tone,
“I can understand why you’d feel mistrustful of me. When I first saw Pinkie here, I wasn’t sure what to think. There are no talking ponies where I come from, so it was kind of a shock to me. I’m not here to cause anyone problems. I’m just looking for a way back, however long that may take. So, what do you say? Can we start over?”
I held out my hand to her. Rainbow Dash looked from it to me, then to Pinkie, who was still watching steadily. At last, her eyes on me, she said,
“Yeah, maybe I did fly off the handle a bit. See, in Cloudsdale, we were told stuff about humans: things that look like hairless apes. We trusted the sky more than the ground, and there were never any sightings of humans in the sky, so we never really bothered to find out more about them. We just assumed what was passed around and taught to us from the old history books.”
So it was just a big, widespread misunderstanding…but what was ‘Cloudsdale’?
“You don’t seem bad," Rainbow Dash went on, "and if Pinkie trusts you, I guess I can too. She can be pretty weird sometimes- no offense, Pinkie-”
“None taken!” said Pinkie, cheerily.
“But she’s never wrong about this kinda thing.”
She looked up at me with a smile and held out a hoof. Pinkie beamed. I smiled back and finally shook hers.
“Glad we could settle that," I said. "So, you’re one of Pinkie’s best friends?”
“Yep!” she said, throwing a hoof around Pinkie’s shoulders. “Pinkie’s one of my best buds, especially when it’s a good day for pranking.”
“Aw, Dashie,” said Pinkie.
“Pranking?” I asked. “I didn’t take you for a prankster, Pinkie.”
“Oh, I love pranking, as long as it’s in good fun. It’s no fun pranking if you hurt the prankee.”
“What kind of pranks are we talking about?" I asked. "Whoopie cushions, joy buzzers, invisible ink?”
“For your soft-core pranking, maybe,” said Rainbow Dash, “but if you wanna be remembered as a prank master, you gotta step up your game. Next April Fools Day, the Pinkster and I are breaking out the big guns!”
Big-gun-style pranking? I shuddered to imagine such a thing.
“So tell me about you, big guy,” said Rainbow. “I’m kinda curious about what makes a human tick, if you’re not like what we've thought they'd be. What do humans like to do?”
“Me? Well, gosh, I wouldn’t really know where to start. There’s kind of a gaping hole in my memory at the moment; can’t recall how I got here or what I was doing.”
“Really? Wow, lame.”
“Sorry, I know. It’s no fun for me, either. What I can say is that I’m not much of an outdoors person. I prefer reading indoors, or listening to music.”
“Ohh,” said Rainbow, comprehending. “An egghead.”
“Excuse me?” I asked, indignantly.
“No, Davie, it’s ok,” said Pinkie. “She calls Twilight that sometimes, but not to be mean.”
“Yeah, it doesn’t mean anything,” said Rainbow. “Heck, I like reading too. Nothing to be ashamed of. Still, where I’m at my best is in the air, showing my stuff with these babies!”
She flexed her wings, which had an impressive span, and gave the impression of a mighty eagle about to take flight. Still, from her tone and expression, I could sense quite a bit of ego sharing space with her more well-meaning attitude.
“So, you’re into sports?” I asked.
“Heck yeah! Racing, mostly. Nopony can beat me when I’m in the air. See this baby?”
She turned to the side, showing the lightning bolt cutie mark on her flank.
“This means I was born to be the fastest in Equestria!”
“Is that what a...what did you call it, Pinkie?”
“Cutie mark," supplied Pinkie.
“Ah, right. Is that what a cutie mark does? Tells you what you’re born to be?”
“You don’t know about cutie marks?” asked Rainbow Dash, tilting her head. “Don’t the ponies back where you come from have anything like them?”
“No.”
“Huh," said Rainbow Dash. "Weird. Pinks, you wanna field this one?”
“Sure, Dashie!”
Pinkie turned to me with a purposeful expression, much like a schoolteacher before a class. Not only that, but she also pulled, from out of nowhere, a chalkboard, a pointer stick, and a mortarboard, which she perched atop her messy mane.
“Davie, just sit tight and let Professor Pinkie Pie educate you,” she said, tapping the board.
(Professor Pinkie Pie. Oh brother.)
“Y’see, ponies aren’t born with cutie marks. Their flanks are blank. Buuuut, when they find out what makes them special, boom! A cutie mark appears! Good at writing? Boom! Writing cutie mark! Good at swimming? Boom! Swimming cutie mark! Good at baking? Boom! Baking cutie mark!
(I wish you’d stop saying ‘boom’ like that so close to my ear…)
“So, what do yours and Rainbow Dash’s stand for?” I asked.
“Well, like Dashie said, hers means she’s really good at flying fast," said Pinkie. "Mine means I’m good at throwing parties!”
“Parties?”
“Uh-huh! Any kind of party: surprise, birthday, slumber, holiday, get well, you name it, I can throw it! And you wanna know the best part about throwing so many parties?”
“What’s that?”
“All of my best friends are always there, cuz everypony’s my friend, and I mean everypony, and I get to make all of them smile! If smiles were money, I’d feel like the richest pony in Ponyville, but I’m already the luckiest to have such great friends!”
Rainbow Dash smiled at her pink friend, while I couldn’t help feeling slightly stunned. Pinkie’s niche in life was making those around her happy, and all she wanted in return was the knowledge that she made them smile? That was...very admirable. It was very rare that I knew anyone who expended everything in their power to get something done just to see a smile on someone’s face. The world needed more people like Pinkie Pie…
“Davie?”
“Huh?”
“You keep spacing out," said Pinkie. "You sure you’re ok?”
“Y-Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry. Once I get hooked on a thought, it takes a bit to get me out of it.” I cleared my throat and went on, “So, you race for a living, Rainbow Dash?”
“It’s more of a hobby, really,” she said. “All pegasi, or most, anyway, operate the clouds for day-to-day weather. I’m chief weathermare in Ponyville.”
“Oh, I see.”
…Wait, what did she say?
“Whoa-whoa, wait a second…operate the clouds? You’re telling me the weather doesn’t work by itself?”
“Nope. Does it where you come from?”
“Uh, yeah," I said, unable to keep a 'no duh' tone out of my voice. "That’s how it’s always been for us.”
“Wow," said Rainbow. "No offense, dude, but you come from a pretty weird place: ponies that don’t talk, don’t have cutie marks, and don’t work the weather.”
(I’M the weird one?! This coming from a pony with a Skittles mane.)
“We make and send out all weather from Cloudsdale,” Rainbow went on. “That’s the pegasus capital, in case you didn’t know.”
“Wow," I said. "I never thought I’d see the day when the weather couldn’t even handle itself. They’ll love this back home…So, is that all pegasus ponies do? Work the weather and fly?”
“Nah,” said Rainbow. “When I’m not busting clouds or busting moves-”
“Or napping,” Pinkie interjected.
“Or napping,” Rainbow consented, giving Pinkie a dirty look, before continuing, in a more zealous tone, “I train for my next big chance.”
“Chance at what?”
“Trying out for the Wonderbolts!”
She pointed with her hoof to a poster on a building nearby. On it were pegasi in blue bodysuits and aviator goggles, one flying so as to leave a trail of smoke behind it.
“Wonderbolts?" I asked. "Are they like stunt performers?”
“More than that, dude! They're the best fliers in all of Equestria!”
“And you want to be one of them?”
“It’s only been my dream since fillyhood!” said Rainbow, her face splitting into a blissful grin. “To fly with the best of the best, and show Equestria my skills!”
She broke out of her dreamy look almost instantly when I spoke up again.
“So, you plan to be one of them just because you’re born to fly fast? I mean, no offense, but what would you have to offer?”
“Plenty!” said Rainbow, sharply. “I’m not just about speed, monkey boy: I can pull off tricks like nopony else! You haven’t lived until you’ve seen my Fantastic Filly Flash, or my Buccaneer Blaze!”
“Or your Sonic Rainboom!” said Pinkie.
“Sonic what-now?” I asked.
“Ahh, right,” said Rainbow, proudly. “My most awesome technique. I’ve only done it three times in my life, the first when I was only a filly. It’s how I got this.”
She once again showed me her cutie mark.
“It was during a big race against some jerky colts who were picking on a friend of mine. One of them cut me off, so I went into a wicked nose-dive, and the next thing I knew, I had pulled off a Sonic Rainboom.”
“But what is a Sonic Rainboom?” I asked, intrigued.
Rainbow looked aghast.
“You don’t know what a…? You’ve never seen a…?!”
She sounded like she was about to choke. She gripped me by the shoulders and shouted,
“What rock have you been living under, dude?!”
(A rock called the ‘real world’, missy.)
“Dashie,” said Pinkie, patiently. “He’s not from here. They probably don’t have Sonic Rainbooms where he’s from.”
Rainbow released me and said, in a calmer tone,
“Ok, monkey man, I’ll try to explain it in a way you can understand.”
(If you call me a monkey one more time…)
”Imagine a sonic boom and a rainbow, mixed together into one big feast for the eyes and ears,” said Rainbow, with great reverential enthusiasm in her voice.
In my head, I pictured a supersonic jet breaking the sound barrier, leaving a rainbow trail behind it as it did so. That did sound really impressive, to have done something like that when she was so young. She may have been boastful, but she looked like she was just itching for me to say ‘Prove it’.
“Well, from what you’ve described, Rainbow Dash,” I said, “I may have to redact my skepticism.”
“How’s that?” asked Rainbow. “And in normal words this time.”
“At least where I come from, you would make an invaluable team member with a move like that. It’d drive the crowds wild at air shows, or wherever these Wonderbolts perform. It even has a nice ring to it: ‘Rainbow Dash, the Wonderbolt’.”
I made a small sweeping gesture with my hand, like people do when they envision newspaper headlines. She looked at me for a moment, and then smiled again.
“You know something, new guy?” she asked. “You’re all right.”
She gave me a punch on the arm with her hoof, in a playful way, but it was still somewhat forceful.
“I can’t wait for us to hang out some more,” she went on.
“Well, I’d love to see some of your tricks," I said, without thinking.
“Then I’ll save the best for ya. Later, guys!”
With a sweep of her mighty wings, she took off back toward the clouds, Pinkie waving after her.
“Boy,” I said, “that pegasus is something else.”
“Isn’t she? There’s nopony in Equestria like Dashie.”
With an ego like hers, thank God for that.
At that moment, my stomach let forth a loud rumble. I’d lost track of time, and it must have been close to midday by that point. At this, I was brought to a sudden, somewhat unpleasant realization. I was in a world populated by talking ponies. There was no way they would have any form of meat to eat, which was a shame, because I was no dainty when it came to carnivorous consumption. On the other hand, I wasn’t too far gone down that path (meaning I could satisfy myself with non-meats if need be), and, if there was nothing else for it, I would have to settle for the more vegetarian diets these ponies would have to offer.
At any rate, Pinkie had heard my dissatisfied innards and had hopped to her hooves in a flash.
“Oh! You must be hungry! Well, there’s only one way to solve that! Actually, there’s two ways, but I’ll let you choose. One is we could go to Sugarcube Corner, where I work, and the other is we could go see another of my friends at Sweet Apple Acres, which is an apple farm.”
“Well, if it’s all the same to you, Pinkie," I said, "I’d rather kill two birds with one stone and-”
At this, Pinkie gasped.
“Why would you want to kill any birds at all??”
I sighed and rolled my eyes.
“It’s an expression, Pinkie, and I’ll admit, it’s a bit vulgar. What I meant was, going to this Sweet Apple Acres might get two objectives accomplished at once: meeting another of your friends and getting some food in me.”
“Yay! Smart thinking! That’s what I would have said! Come on, then, Davie! It’s this way!”
I had barely enough time to scramble to my feet before she bounced off again, myself not too far behind.