//------------------------------// // Chapter 34 // Story: Only One Speck of Dust // by TheMareWhoSaysNi //------------------------------// A light freezing breeze stroked his coat. Soarin suppressed a chill and pulled the blankets up thanks to his wings. It took only a few seconds for him to realize something was wrong. The warm presence beside him had disappeared, replaced by the cold emptiness. And this indoor breeze was nothing usual. He stood back up and looked all around him. Rainbow Dash’s room was plunged into darkness, like always, lit by the coal-burner beside her bed, humming, and which grid let appeared reddish rays of lights. This fresco representing a blooming tree she said she had since she was a little filly was barely distinct in the dark, but the rays of the moon going through the window lit up the wooden furniture. On the balcony, he was able to distinguish Rainbow Dash’s figure. She had taken no cloak or blanket with her, and revealed her coat to the wind, her mane softly lifting up by guts. Usually, she slept from a deep and heavy sleep, sometimes she even snored, exhausted as she was from battles and pressure. Even after Big Macintosh’s death, after she had cried her heart out, and though the night had been restless, she had yet slept until the next morning. For her to be out in the middle of the night, taking the risk to show herself though everypony thought she had passed away, it meant without the shadow of a doubt that something was going on. Lately, it had been a commonplace, yet Soarin thought it was kind of worrisome. Because he did not have the same resistance to cold than his filly-love, before meeting her on the balcony, he made sure he was wrapped inside a blanket. It was not that easy to walk with, but he could not see himself flying for so short a distance. When he sat by her side, Rainbow Dash rewarded him with a quick smile he thought was weak. She was not simply sitting down. Her forelegs were leaned against the iron railing, and she gazed at the stars, but seemed not completely aware of them. For a while, they remained silent together, just admiring the sky. Princess Luna’s work was always amazing, and tonight it felt as if she knew this was a very special kind of night. It had been two days since they had no time to waste. To plan a whole attack in secret was not a simple thing to do, and it had made them understand why the Unavowed Army had sometimes been so long between two battles. For everything to be perfect, nothing should be neglected, and their Head had envisioned any possibility. To have Twilight Sparkle by her side had also been of a great help. And so, everything was ready for them to be fight one of the most crucial battles of their whole life, tomorrow night at the same hour. As far as Soarin was concerned, it undoubtedly was the reason why his marefriend was awake in the middle of the night, looking at the stars absent-mindedly. She really wanted everything to be perfect when she planned an attack… In fact, her meticulousness could be a surprise for those who knew her deep nature, more impetuous. However, when he turned his face again in order to catch a glimpse at her figure highlighted by the light from the moon, Soarin noticed her whole body seemed stiff, like held back by a wooden stick tied to her from back hooves to the top of her head. “You know… I do worry about tomorrow night as well.” He knew well that if he never started to talk, Rainbow Dash would never tell him what was wrong with her, though he had doubts about the root of the problem. The entire fate of Equestria was now leaning upon her wings. In her hooves, he would have been terrified. But she was tough, and self-confident. Just a little worried because she wanted everything to go according to the plans… Wasn’t she? “Worry…”, she whispered, lowering her eyes. “I wish it was that simple…” She sighed deeply, and a lot of thoughts jostled into the stallion pegasus’ head. He never would have thought it would be possible, but… No. He had never met a pony as brave as Rainbow Dash. Hesitations had no room in her life. She was going forward, without a care about the rest, because it was her duty. Nothing could scare her. As a proof were the many moments when she had plunged headfirst into battles… It was not always for the best, of course, but this inner strength had always fascinated him. So, seeing her so tensed, with her eyes down, it felt as if he had been caught up by a sudden and unexpected explosion. “Is there a chance that you’re actually scared?” He barely dared to believe in his own words. For sure, she would laugh and tell him the great Rainbow Dash was never afraid of anything, and although it probably was not true, he would believe her because there was no pony else who gave him the impression to dread nothing at all. “I’m not scared. I’m terrified.” “But… For me, you’re the bravest pony in all Equestria. Every night you risk everything for the sake of the city and of the Continent, even the cruelest of criminals don’t make you bow down…” “Maybe this was true in the past, but not anymore. Today, I know everything’s different. I won’t cop out, don’t worry, but it’s just that…” She never finished her line, and instead let her hooves fall along the iron railing. The fact she did not dare looking into his eyes betrayed her infamous pride, which had her feel ashamed each time she expressed something that was not an inflated self-confidence. In the past, yet, Soarin had proved her many times that she could lean on him when she was not feeling that sure of herself. The problem, this time, was deeper than a simple soul-searching of her abilities. Until then she never had to face a storm such as the one they had meticulously planned. And in the past, destiny had shown her that even the most perfect of plans also leaned on a small part of chance. “What if…”, she started, whispering. “What if we fail tomorrow? What would happen if The Militia loses? Prince Blueblood will step on Canterlot, and there will be another war. Everything Princess Celestia and Princess Luna had tried to settle would crumble and we’ll be the blame. I can’t be something else than scared when thinking about what would happen if we fail. The ponies we love, what makes Equestria what it is, they all could disappear. We’re not unbreakable, we’re only ponies.” What could he say? All she had revealed was the pure truth, and Soarin knew it. He was afraid too, even more than he had been before. He suddenly felt helpless, unable to give her the support she deserved. The Militia was made of unrivalled fighters and they all were prepared. The odds were in their favor when taking into account the fact that the whole Unavowed Army, except the Main Servant Rarity, thought they were dead. Yet, nothing could let them believe it was already a battle won. The clashes of this kind always had a random ending, sometimes the endings even were surprising, because in complete opposition with the expectations. Rainbow Dash sighed deeply once again, and stared back at the stars. It was only once her face lit up by the pale white light of the moon that Soarin caught a glimpse of the translucent pearls hanging at her eyelashes. She had rarely let tears roll over her cheeks in front of him, without hiding her face. When Big Macintosh had died, she had buried her face against his coat, when she had told about Time Stellar to Twilight, she had her back on him. As far as he was concerned, there was no doubt – she finally trusted him a hundred percent. Once again, the limit to their intimacy that he thought he could never push farther had been moved. Nonetheless, Soarin did not add anything. To make a comment about her tears was useless as well as a risk to see her embarrassed. All he did was looking at her, her long mane floating in the winter breeze like the dazzling lights of an Aurora Borealis. “A lot of ponies are going to die tomorrow, Soarin… Maybe the ones we love the most. Maybe even you and me…” Too bad for the cold. Too bad if she was not fond of declarations a little too sentimental. Soarin did not think. He abandoned the blanket wrapped around him, and held the mare pegasus tight between his hooves, her head leaning against his shoulder, wetting his coat with her tears. He held her as tight as he could, as if there was a risk for her to come apart and never come back. To be honest, he had thought about this all along the three days of preparation. He had kept on thinking about it when going to bed, and even during his restless sleep before he joined her on the balcony, he had thought about it. There was a risk they would die during the battle, each and every of them. This risk was there already during each of their night guard, of course. It was part of the conditions to accept once being a Member of the Militia. It did not stop this risk to be more probable and with it, scarier when it came to the operation they would launch tomorrow. For a once, he knew exactly what to say. It would not change anything to the facts, neither would it reassure her but he had to tell her. “Even if we do die tomorrow, I want you to know that I’ve been very glad I had the chance to meet you, and to spend time with you… My brash and bragging Rainbow Dash…”, he finished, drying the tears on her cheeks with his hoof. She could not help a smile on her face. Since the very beginning, Soarin had always been like this, with a little something softly ingenuous, an unexpected freshness for a pony who could be ruthless during fights, in spite of the fears he kept buried inside. He did not realize the importance he had taken in her life, in so short an amount of time. By small touches, without even realizing it, he had eventually seeped in inside her heart, where many thought no pony would ever penetrate again. He had left his mark, a deep and permanent print, softly transforming her vision of life and the world, not even taking too much room or changing who she truly was. In fact, he knew who she truly was, and accepted it, he cherished it, even. Since she was a very little filly, her mother had always told her that only those loving her completely, with what her soul had of ugliness, were the ones whose love was worth the sacrifice. It was about time. It was about time that the last secrets she was keeping within herself, concealed from the light yet existing undeniably, came out of the box. Or at least, it was about time for him to know them. He deserved it and had proved he did more than once. “You’re the only one who can make flaws sound like compliments… I love you.” Rainbow Dash was able to hide her embarrassment from saying these words she gave away scarcely. Her stallion’s emerald eyes shone like the surface of a lake. His emotion was transparent all over his face with his comforting features, his bags always hanging under his eyes, even after the most wonderful of beauty sleeps. It was a face she thought she knew now by heart. With her eyes closed, she could have outline it in the dark, each detail crystal clear in her mind. It never erased what the other male face printed inside of her had represented. They both coexisted at different spots, never better or weaker. “God, I love you too”, he said in a whisper. On a synchronized impulse, they both held each other again, and exchanged a kiss colored with despair. They kissed as if these were their ultimate seconds on Equestria, though nothing was resolved yet, and although the worst would happen tomorrow, they still had time to spend together. The blanket Soarin had brought with him was now piled up at his hooves, and it seemed it was no longer useful. They did not need tricks to keep each other warm, they only needed each other. “Make love to me… Like this is the end of the world.” This demand sounded like a surprise coming from her, especially if the circumstances had been ordinary. Nevertheless, everything now took a bittersweet flavor which made words and actions more daring, their desires stripped off, without embellishments or tricks. She no longer wanted to be hidden behind a mask of vanity. This kind of things were good when sure that life was ahead, and not when an uncertain tomorrow had the power to condemn to oblivion. And Soarin was devoted to make her happy, although it was a fleeting happiness, elusive like the life of a butterfly attracted by the fire. Now he thought he remembered how to do it. Each of her reactions, printed in his memory, came back to his mind by waves, and he liked to see them multiply, since she no longer gave him a small part of her soul, but everything she kept buried inside herself. Not really aware of it, they had left the biting cold of the outside for the comfortable warmth of the bed, with the fire from the coal-burner illuminating their faces and bodies with a sweet subtle light. Because of this light, everything seemed unreal, yet Soarin as well as Rainbow Dash knew it was real – each kiss, each caress, each moan. She liked him to take his time, not to rush any movement, but wanted to feel the effects with the upmost of intensity possible. Serious and diligent, he discovered at the same time he had inner resources he had never expected to possess. She was the same than this memory he had kept preciously in a part of his heart. Of a surprising affection, once again. Of a wider generosity than anything else, and of a disarming sensuality, which made him feel dizzy. She liked his air, comforting yet fragile, a little something emotional, half skills and half tenderness. The wish she had expressed was respected with a certain zeal but Rainbow Dash did not complain, conversely. If she tried to be more discreet this time, it was vain to expect her to muffle some expressions of satisfaction. Words, which she had always thought were empty until then, now accompanied the actions, completing them with accuracy. Yet, her head in the clouds, she was no longer sure of what she said when she said it, intoxicated as she was by the sensations, several, new yet identifiable. She had almost forgotten there would be a fight tomorrow. The conscience that some were getting prepared for it as well in another room brought her back to this sharp reality. Not to bother the apparent sleep of this room, she planted her teeth insider her pillow, and bit almost to the extent of being hurt. Before everything got a little hazy and giddy, she could not hold back a moan, and saw as if it was a dream, the tiny feathers filling the pillow twirling around above their heads. The feathers were still here when Rainbow Dash opened her eyes again. She had fallen asleep almost immediately after their exhausted bodies had stopped moving. Scattered all around them, some were lying against Soarin’s tangled mane, and she could not help a tender smile. With her hooves, she wiped them out of the midnight blue horsehair, then slipped closer to snuggle against him. Immediately, a wide wing spread above her back, and he embraced her, his eyes still closed. “You know…”, she whispered before falling back in a deep sleep. “I’ve been very glad I had the chance to meet you too.” She never knew whether or not he had heard her. It did not matter. The most important thing was that she had been able to voice it. She finally was in tune with how she felt and what she said. The night was going to be short, yet nice. She had the intention of making the most of it, aware that this night could be her last night.