//------------------------------// // Chapter XXIX: A Little More Bait And Switch // Story: A Princess and Her Queen // by kildeez //------------------------------// “So there y’have it, that’s the story,” Switch sighed. “Two changelings scarred forever, all because one of them was too mean to treat a decent changeling the way he deserved to be treated, and then too proud to cut his losses and run when he should have.” “What’d I tell ya about hogging all the blame for that night?” Bait grumbled, kicking at a can with one hind hoof. “I might’ve gotten off easy, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t at fault.” Switch looked like he was about say something, but he coughed as his muzzle suddenly turned fluorescent green. Bait cocked an eyebrow and peered over his shoulder, then grinned, seeing Fluttershy’s hoof wrapped around the larger stallion’s. “It’s okay,” she cooed. “You were kids back then.” “I-I know,” Switch swallowed nervously, the blush traveling up his cheeks. “It was still a stupid, stupid thing to do, I-I just wish I could take it back, just wish I wasn’t the sort of stallion who would do something so idiotic…” “Well, of course you aren’t!” Pinkie enthused, pulling herself up to his face. “You’re not that same stallion you were back then, right!?” “I-uh…” still unaccustomed to the randomness that was Pinkie Pie, Switch coughed. “I don’t think so.” “I know so! And y’know why?” She said, leaning in close as if sharing a secret with him, and speaking in her trademarked whispering tone of totes adorbs. “We’re all different from what we were at that age, I think. If we weren’t, that’d mean we didn’t change at all from our formative years, and wouldn’t that be kind of sad? That we didn’t evolve at all from our very first try at turning ourselves into adults?” Silence fell over the park bench. Overhead, a street light flickered and buzzed while a nightly chill swept through the streets. “Chrysalis above, Pinkie,” Bait finally said. “You ever consider writing a book?” “Yeah,” she pouted, jutting her lower lip out just enough for Bait to wonder what it might taste like. “But no publisher I went to wanted a book covered in sprinkles and smelling like salted caramel fudge.” “Oh…what happened to it? Did it fall into a batch of cookies at your bakery?” “Whaddya mean? That’s how it was supposed to be!” She giggled with that little snort that made his heart race for a second. “Apparently, nopony wants to add scented-glitter sprinklers to the printing process, which just figures! I guess ‘Pinkie’s Recipes For Disaster’ was just ahead of its time…” She trailed off, letting the others digest everything thrown at them, letting the buzzing of the streetlight act as the only ambiance they had as the gears turned in her eyes. Bait watched, transfixed, as another little idea surfaced in those eyes, the changeling under the impression that he was ready for anything she might throw at him. “You know what? It kinda sucks that you guys had that manticore bait. They’re usually pretty cool, just ask Flutters!” Despite all his mental preparations, he hadn’t been ready for that. “I’m sorry, but what!?” “Yes, manticores are usually the definition of gentle giants,” Fluttershy put in with her normal, whispering tone. “When we were fighting Nightmare Moon, we met one that had a thorn in his paw, but once we got it out he was such a huge sweetheart! He sometimes drops by my cottage for a quick snack and tea.” Once again, silence reigned as the changelings tried their best to resolve everything that had come out of Fluttershy’s mouth with the demure pegasus before them. Switch blinked, looked over his shoulder, blinked again, then turned back to Bait, visibly trying to imagine the shy, quivering ball of feathers at his back serving tea to the half-ton of muscle, fur and claws he’d faced that terrible night. By the distressed look on his face, it wasn’t working too well, and he kept turning back to her to make another attempt. On his fourth pass, he finally noticed the tears wavering in her eyes. “Fluttershy?” He asked, turning in his seat to face her and gently taking her face in his hooves. “I-I’m sorry,” she sniffled, wiping at her eyes with her wingtips. “I just realized that if he came around now, I wouldn’t be there to…to…” Without another word, Switch’s massive wings folded around her, the bent membrane on his scarred side still enclosing her perfectly. More silence followed, the streetlamp’s buzzing almost sounding like the entire Swarm had taken to the skies again, until a purr sounded from next to them. Switch turned to find Bait and Pinkie grinning at each other. “Tale as old as time~” she hummed. “Song as old as rhyme…” he put in. His entire face and body flushing that deep, fluorescent green, Switch whirled on them with Fluttershy still clenched in his hooves. She let out a squeak as he easily carried her around with him. “Y-you guys c-can shut up!” He shouted, to their uproarious laughter. Snorting, an evil grin appeared on his blushing face. “Or better yet, you can join in.” At that, both Bait and Pinkie stopped laughing. “Wh-what do you mean by that, partner?” Bait stammered. “C’mon Bait,” that evil grin remained on his blushing features. “You have ‘quite the mare’ to enjoy over there yourself, dontcha?” “Baity?” Pinkie asked. “What’s he talking about?” “N-nothing!” Bait grumbled, the beginnings of a blush starting to light up his face. “H-he’s just being an asshole as usual.” “Yeah sure, that’s it,” Switch snickered as he carefully set Fluttershy down, her tears forgotten in exchange for a bewildered expression, her eyebrows hunched and her mouth working as if she were trying to piece something together in her mind. “And at the same time, you’re being a pussy as usual.” “Oh, shove it up your fat ass, you backwoods sister-lovin’ redneck,” Bait retorted. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you, you limp-dicked fag-fucker?” Switch chortled. Bait couldn’t help but chortle back. The stallions grinned widely at one another, and over their shoulders, Pinkie and Fluttershy exchanged contented, knowing glances. They may not have understood everything the stallions had just exchanged, but it was obvious they had become friends again. It was enough to know that another friendship problem had been resolved, whether the mares had meant to solve it or not. The spell that fell over the small bench was only broken when, just down the street, a sudden yip sounded. Not a yip one would associate with stepping on a shih tzu’s tail, mind you, but more like the scream of a mare that had been abruptly cut off. All four sets of ears perked up at it, Fluttershy’s most of all, because it was a sound she herself had uttered only too often. “What was that!?” Pinkie gasped, scanning the crystalline streets, suddenly all-too-aware of how exposed they were in the darkened city. “Trouble,” Switch muttered as he stood up from the bench. “Almost certainly,” Bait added, standing next to his friend. “Whaddya think? A mugging?” “I hope it’s that easy…” Switch replied, casting a quick look over his shoulder at the mares on the bench. He suddenly wished they were safe and sound in their respective prisons, this would be so much simpler if they didn’t have to worry about the mares. Bait followed his gaze and nodded. “We make sure they’re safe first.” “Roger that,” Switch said, offering his hoof to Fluttershy. “Aww, hay no!” Pinkie blurted as Bait offered his hoof to her. “What, you expect us to cheer from the sidelines like good, helpless little damsels while you sail off to fight crime!?” “I-it’s not like that,” Bait stammered, and suddenly his hoof clenched tightly around one of her fetlocks. She looked at him with an eyebrow cocked, not knowing that the image of her lying on the ground with a switchblade in her stomach and blood gushing across the pavement was playing behind his widening eyes. Cursing his overactive imagination, he shook his head, “Switch and I have experience with each other, y’know? We know how we work together in combat.” Pinkie’s eyebrow arched higher. “So?” “So adding a couple other ponies to the mix might make things complicated, throw off our groove,” Switch finished, nodding to Bait as they ushered the ponies along to the nearest storefront. Rattling the locked front door, he sighed and swiftly bashed it in with a hoof, clearing away the glass with a few flickers of his magic. Standing back, he motioned to the gaping portal he’d just opened. “Just stay in here, we’ll pick you up soon.” “Wh-what if that just tripped an alarm?” Fluttershy pointed out, looking into the darkness with a worried gaze. “Don’t worry about it, the Occupation Corps would probably just think it’s one of us doing a little bit of ‘midnight shopping’,” Switch winked. “Happens a lot, especially in the first few days of an occupation. Besides, if a guard does notice, you can just direct them towards us. We could probably use the backup.” “And Pinkie…” Bait slid a hoof around her shoulders, not even noticing the blush that graced her cheeks as he tapped the small stone still secured to her back. “Don’t forget about this. If you try to follow us, I will use it.” “You’d freeze me just for that!?” She pouted, hiding her rosy cheeks behind a well-placed hoof. “Party-pooper!” “And Flutters,” Switch motioned to her, and the demure pegasus stood up. He cocked his head at Pinkie. “Make sure she behaves herself, okay?” She smiled warmly and nodded. “O-okay…we’ll just be here.” “Buncha party poopers…dontcha dare die out there,” Pinkie grumbled. “Wouldn’t give you the satisfaction,” Bait grinned. “Good luck,” Fluttershy whispered. “Luck is for less experienced soldiers,” Switch winked, and then they were off, switching from the changelings that had been chuckling and laughing with the ponies to the most efficient pair of soldiers to come out of the changeling hive in generations in a heartbeat. “Really dude, ‘luck is for less experienced soldiers’?” Bait scoffed as they danced from shadow to shadow, rushing on all fours with all the sound of a ninja on carpet. “Could you have come off as any more of an egotistical douchebag?” “Well,” Switch replied with a little grin. “I guess I could have spent fifteen minutes talking about my old paranormal investigation club and come off as a massive virgin nerd instead. “Touche, you giant douche.” They rounded a corner and fell into silence, zipping along the glittering sidewalk with their bellies pressed down, maintaining low profiles in the night. Bait kept his ears and eyes up, both scanning around for any sign of trouble. They found it just as they darted past the mouth of an alleyway, Bait suddenly throwing himself against the far wall after vaulting an upturned garbage can, Switch following suit. On his side of the alley, Bait cocked his head towards the darkness. Switch nodded, creeping forward to take a peek. What he saw nearly knocked him off his hooves. By the dim light of the moon, he could just spy a half-dozen of his fellow changelings, securing a couple crystal mares to the ground with changeling gunk, both ponies clinging to one another with tears in their eyes and a few particularly-sticky globs gluing their muzzles shut. Switch cast a look over at Bait, who returned with a couple confused, cocked eyebrows. He shrugged. Bait shrugged back. He sighed. The hell is this… he wondered as he let in a few deep breaths, then pasted the dumbest-looking, most clueless smile on his face as he could muster and waltzed right on in. Bait watched for only a couple heartbeats, then darted in beside him, mimicking the smile. “Evenin’!” Switch enthused, visibly straining to maintain the grin. The cool, calculated way the changelings in the alley had been moving came to a screeching halt, all six sets of eyes locking on the pair. The grins remained as they were. “Gettin’ yourselves a little snack?” Bait asked, still grinning. “Hey man, we can dig it, s’long as you’re all good with sharing.” The stares remained locked, until one changeling stepped away from the rest of the group with a grin suspiciously similar to the ones Bait and Switch now wore. “Of course, but of course!” He exclaimed. “Yeah, sorry, the usual rations just weren’t doing it. We know it’s a high crime, but hey, what Chrysalis doesn’t know won’t hurt her, right? Names’ Chirrup, by the way.” “Yeah man, we can dig it. Switch.” Switch said with a nod, trying to ignore the cool, precise motions of the remaining changelings working on the ponies, hurriedly binding their hooves and securing long strands of gooey rope to their waists, preparing them for dragging. Bait watched while one changeling worked on wrapping the hooves, while another formed the rope, tossing it to a third who caught it without looking. It was too well-practiced and well-coordinated. They had done this before. But why? Why go to all this trouble to snatch a couple ponies for a quick snack? It hit him so hard his whole body locked up as if he’d been struck by lightning. Misty Rains…the pony who’s kidnapping he had connected with the changeling murders…yes, this was far too coordinated for a quick snatch and snack. However, it perfectly fit the profile of a foalnapping carried out by a professional smuggling operation. Somewhere behind them, a light, almost inaudible tapping sounded, and Bait realized there were now only five changelings in front of him. He didn’t dare turn around. To turn around would almost certainly mean death. He just kept that big clueless grin on the changeling in front of him and chanced a look at Switch out the corner of his eye. The slightest scrape sounded behind them, inaudible to all but the most well-trained ears. Switch’s ear twitched. A little bit of honesty slipped into Bait’s smile. “So hey, thought we’d check on ya, see if you needed help,” Bait said quickly. “Can’t be too careful, especially after those two got themselves killed just the other night.” “That a fact?” Chirrup said, scratching his chin in an expression of thoughtfulness so fake it impressed Bait that he didn’t crack down laughing while making it. “Yeah man,” Bait replied, another little scrape sounding behind him, drawing ever nearer. “Damnedest thing too. Couple of well-trained soldiers wondering around then suddenly, bam! Knife to the chest.” “Really?” “Yeah, thing is, they were stabbed from the front…whoever did it had to practically be on top of ‘em. Weird, huh?” “Doesn’t sound that weird to me,” Chirrup replied, studying his hoof nonchalantly. “Couple of drunken soldiers got ambushed. Happens every occupation.” “I dunno,” Bait continued, unaware that the big stupid smile had faded and he was practically glaring now. “Makes me think. I mean, they wouldn’t let a couple ponies get that close no matter how drunk they were, right? Kinda wonder if it was even ponies that did it.” The smile on Chirrup’s face wavered. “Well damn, if it wasn’t ponies, what was it? Sombra back from the dead? Or hell, we got mooncheeks, maybe her darker half is popping up?” Bait, at least, remembered to laugh at that. A big braying laugh that fell somewhere between too forced to be natural and simply idiotic. “Mooncheeks!” He cackled, letting the laugh die off naturally. “But naw, see, I was thinkin’ it might be one of us.” Finally, that big, friendly grin vanished from Chirrup’s features. “Well now, that’s one helluva accusation,” he drawled, maintaining complete eye contact with Bait. As he spoke, the four changelings at his side started stepping away, moving in a little semi-circle with the pair in the middle. “Got any proof to back it up?” Bait scanned the soldiers surrounding them and felt the corner of his mouth lift in a snarl. He got that feeling one got while walking down an alleyway at night and hearing somepony behind them: that feeling that some stranger wanted something from you, and it probably wasn't a few minutes of your time to talk about the good news of Celestia’s saving grace. “Naw man, naw,” he said. The muscles in his shoulders tensed. His knees ached with readiness. To his side, a small bolt of magic flared at the tip of Switch’s horn, too small to be all that noticeable. Bait followed suit and fought back the urge to grin. “Thing is, after tonight, I don’t think I’m actually gonna need much in the way of proof.” “Oh?” Chirrup took a few, testing steps forward. Bait could see his muscles ripple under his chitin. “What makes you say that?” “Well, after I haul your sorry flanks in, I’m guessing it’ll only take a month or two to get a full confession.” That was it. It was as if something had clicked in the air around them. Only instead of barreling forward as expected, Chirrup’s head reared up and a smug smile appeared on his lips. “You take us in?” “Yeah-huh.” “You. And your friend there. By yourselves.” “Yeah-huh.” “Just you and him, versus us, when we have you outnumbered five-to-two.” Bait’s grin reappeared, wider than before. “Yeah-huh. Nice one, by the by, thinking we’d forget about your little friend behind us.” The smug little smile faded from Chirrup’s face once more. Bait’s did not. The almost-silent scraping of hooves on gravel behind the pair became a gallop. Bait and Switch did not move. The changeling at their backs leapt at Bait while five horns unleashed five firebolts at Switch’s face. Bait and Switch did not move. The changeling behind them grinned as he sailed towards Bait’s back, the same dagger that had killed Meelah the changeling not two nights ago raised in one hoof. He brought it down with all his might in a downward arc as he flew, aiming for the soft back of Bait’s neck. The dagger point flew through thin air. The changeling’s thoughts screeched to a halt. Bait’s shoulder flickered and reappeared about half a foot to the right of where it should have been. At long last, the changeling finally noticed the faint glow at the tip of Bait’s horn. “A-a glimmer spell…” he started to croak in the split second before Bait’s hoof rocketed up into his adam’s apple. The changeling hit the crystal pavement with a few chunks of spittle and vomit trailing down his cheeks. At the same time, five firebolts sailed through thin air as Switch appeared at the nearest stallion’s side. Before the changeling could even react, Switch scooped him up by the throat and smashed the back of his head against the wall. Two down. Four to go. “Fuckers!” Chirrup screeched as he charged Bait, the remaining three all locking on Switch. If Bait’s adrenaline hadn’t sent his heart pumping into his ears, he might have felt a touch insulted. Chirrup came barreling at him, shoulder raised for a hit aimed at his chest. Bait copied the motion, head bowed as he counter-charged. At the last second, he ducked and feinted to the left, hoof extended to catch his opponent across the throat with a textbook clothesline-- And he only narrowly dodged the dagger blade which appeared almost from nowhere and managed a quick gash against his fetlock. “Shit!” He hissed, spinning away from Chirrup, a few droplets of green blood spraying against the wall. He paused only long enough to glance at the cut. It was only a surface thing, hardly even broke skin, but it was there and it stung. He could only pray that the blade wasn’t poisoned. Chirrup’s smug little smile returned as the blade danced from one forehoof to the next. “Thanks a lot, Mectus.” “Anytime, boss,” one of the changelings fighting Switch said as he ducked under a roundhouse that might well have knocked his head off his shoulders. Bait paused only for a second before renewing his charge, grappling with Chirrup’s knife hoof while trying to land as many kicks with his rear hooves as possible. The back of his mind screamed in near-panic: these guys were good. Too good. In all their other fights, he and Switch had always had either the advantage of surprise or of skill. They’d given up surprise when they strode in here like a couple of muscleheaded morons from a pony action movie, and skill…shit, the way Chirrup countered his every move, like how he’d just dropped the knife into his waiting free hoof when Bait had been so close to wrenching it free and immediately gone back on the attack, these guys had skill in spades. More than a match for the pair. One of the attacking ‘lings flew over Bait’s head and smacked headfirst into the brick wall, sliding down along the brickwork with his wings buzzing stupidly. Bait couldn’t help but grin, even as he was forced further back by an unending flurry of slashes. Maybe not quite as much of a match as he’d thought. He brought his hooves up to block another punch, faked left, readied for another attempt at Chirrup’s head. Chirrup ducked easily, dodged left, and raised the dagger for…for…ohshithe’sgoingforthehostages…oh shit she was just sitting there, eyes wide, dagger going right for them need to think no time to think stop him stop him shit fuck shit… He’d thrown himself in front of the dagger before he even knew what he was doing. The blade plunged into his shoulder about halfway to the hilt, slicing downwards, aiming for the heart but stopping just short. Bait dropped to his knees, wheezing, then rolled over on his side, gasping for air around the stabbing pain in his chest. “Bait!” Switch screamed. Bait looked up at his partner, who was staring back at him with jaw agape and a hoof pressed to another stallion’s throat. He saw the remaining assailant coming up behind him with a rock in his hooves, and didn’t even have time to shout a warning before white-hot pain stabbed into his eye, his head bucking back with the force. He screamed in agony, holding his eye, not daring to curl up for fear of jiggling the knife those last few millimeters it needed. He’d kicked him. That bastard Chirrup had kicked him in the face while he was down, and he wasn’t done. That kick was followed by another to the stomach, and a side-kick that rocked up against the shelf of Bait’s chin. He reeled, rolling onto his back in agony. Somewhere in the background, he was vaguely aware of the sound of hard rock smashing against something else hard with a weird, sickening, meaty sound to it. And then a hoof pressed to his neck, followed by a wrenching against the handle of the knife that sent more lines of pain shooting through his shoulder. “I gotta say, you guys made this fun,” Chirrup hissed through his teeth as he pulled the knife free with a sickening squelch. “Bait and Switch, right? I heard of you. Glad to see the stories weren’t all exaggeration.” Bait tried to say something smart, something to act as a verbal nutpunch, but it was cut off by another savage blow to his face. His eye was swollen shut now, and he could see ichor gathering on the cobblestone beneath him. This was it. He was done. To think I got this close to finally proving I’m not just The Irate… he lamented. Bait’s one good eye watched the dagger blade arc high above him in preparation for the killing blow. The moonlight glinted off the blade’s edge, catching in Bait’s eye, and in that momentary flash, there was a colossal boom. When his sight returned, Chirrup was gone, and all that remained was…confetti? “Come an’ get some, bugs!” Shouted a familiar, high-pitched, Pinkie-ish voice. “Whatta mare…” he mused, the stabbing pain in his shoulder momentarily forgotten as changelings went sailing overhead, streaming confetti and bits of frosting. “Fluttershy, I said I was fine!” Switch hissed as the pegasus continued fawning over the deep gash across his forehead, much to the annoyance of the changeling nurses clustered around his seat on the sidewalk. “A little bit of a headache, a minor concussion, and that’s it!” “B-but you’re bleeding!” She insisted, once more dabbing at the stitched wound. “It’s not the first time! C’mon!” He continued, still trying to nudge her away, though not trying all that hard, obviously. “They’re not even putting me in the hospital, for pete’s sake!” Bait smirked to himself. Truth was, he and Switch had needed to fight fang and hoof to avoid a hospital stay. It had been an hour since he’d first woken up to his fellow soldiers hauling the traitorous changelings off in chains while nurses tended to his wounds, and his heart still buzzed with adrenaline. He only kept the shaking at bay with sheer force of will, and not just to assure the pink pony that had clung to his side since the nurses started patching him up that everything was fine. He knew if he showed any weakness, it could mean a hospital stay. And a hospital stay might mean a transfer of assignment from guard duty to something cozier. Cozier, but a lot lonelier. Again, a hoof touched the deep wound patched up on his shoulder, and he cringed. “Still hurts, Pinkie,” he said, waving off the guard standing nearby that took a step towards them. “I know, and that’s a good sign,” she replied, her eyebrows hunched in worry. “What about your eye? Did the doctors say anything about your eye?” “They gave me a patch and told me to let it rest a week,” he shrugged. “Just fine, see? I’ll be okay. I’m just glad you and Flutters showed up when you did, we’d probably be dead by now if it weren’t for you.” “Don’t say that!” She screeched suddenly, her voice climbing so high it set a couple of wild timberwolves stalking the boundaries of the Empire howling in pain. Covering her mouth with a hoof, Pinkie took a few steps back, looking at her hooves. “Don’t ever say that,” she whimpered. “It scares me.” Blinking in surprise, Bait nodded, his jaw agape. “O-okay…” he croaked. “Okay, I won’t mention it.” “Good,” she whimpered, her massive, bright-blue eyes brimming with tears. To Bait’s horror, he found this a sight so awful and so dreadful that some part of him was already willing to do anything to make sure he never had to look at it again. It was all he could do to keep from leaping at her and hugging her close, feeling her warmth, touching her, holding her, kissing… “We should get going,” he sighed, standing up from the sidewalk with only a minor stumble. She helped him along, offering support as they made their way back to the palace. “Seriously though, if I can say one last thing about it, nice shooting back there. Epic, action-hero stuff.” “Well, I had to do something,” she snorted. “You were worried about us ‘throwing off your groove’? Really!? You expected me to buy that!?” Bait cringed. “We’re usually better at coming up with excuses.” “Yeah sure, I’ll buy that when I see it.” “H-hey, we are!” It’s just that our heads get all fuzzy around you two... “We just got put on the spot there.” “Uh-huh,” she rolled her eyes. “For a species based around lying and deception, you guys kinda suck at it.” “Tell that to the other ponies we’ve left beaten and broken before us,” he grumbled, pouting as he looked away to disguise the blush rising on his chitin. With that abating, Bait turned back to the pink mare pressing into his side, and his jaw dropped in horror. Instead of curing him of his sudden need to throw her to the ground and scream every idiotic, loving thing he’d been meaning to scream for the past few days, his little turn had apparently only served to amplify her beauty. They were just passing a Crystal house, which caught the moon’s beams at just the right moment to shimmer through her poofy mane. When she turned to meet his gaze, her eyes glowed like crystals in the night, amplifying the little smile that played on her cheeks. His heart raced. His knees suddenly went weak, and not just from the blood loss. He bit his lip, not even minding when his fang scraped the inside of his mouth and drew a few drops of blood. “Baity?” She asked. “What’re ya looking at?” She turned, her long, supple neck exposing itself to her, the one that made him want to plant long trails of kisses along its entire length. Her flank flexed as she moved, jiggling that mild amount of fat ever-so-slightly, just enough to advertise its presence and tease at what could be. Her shoulder blades flexed with those powerful hooves she’d built up over years in the kitchen, working and kneading batter with her own might to build herself up into the mare she was now. In that moment, he couldn’t stop himself. “Pinkie Pie?” “Yeah?” She turned back to him, and thankfully that glow had faded from her eyes. He might have collapsed into a babbling, incoherent mess on the sidewalk if it hadn’t. “Pinkie…can I ask you a question? About, say…a hypothetical situation.” That damned smile again… “Sure, Baity! What’s on your mind?” “Let’s say there was a pony,” he shivered, swallowed, and continued before his nerve could give out. “A pony who you knew could make your whole year with just a single night with them. A pony that was beautiful, kind, charming, and just…made you feel complete when they were around. A pony that got you all weak in the knees with just their smile. A pony who you knew would make you endlessly happy to be with, even if it was just for one night. What would you do?” A very long, awkward silence followed. And then: “Baity?” “Y-yeah?” “How hypothetical is this situation?” He bit his lip, again drawing blood around his one good fang. “Not very.” His heart sank as the silence reigned once more. He slowly bowed his head as they walked, his ears and wings folding down. Then suddenly, he was swept up in a massive hug with a loud squeal of joy. His heart rose and stopped for a second as Pinkie held onto him, dancing around in a little circle as if he were a maypole at a spring festival. “Let’s go snuggle!” She enthused, holding him high over her head like a prize and skipping down the streets. There were many ways for Bait to react to this announcement. He could have been honest and screamed that she’d just made him the happiest stallion in the Crystal Empire. He could have played the stoic badass and smirked while telling her he’d always known she wouldn’t resist if he’d asked. He could have simply said nothing at all. Instead, what came out of his mouth was a panicked: “Be gentle!” Thankfully, Pinkie appeared not to hear him, but a few blocks back, as Switch escorted Fluttershy back to the Palace, he suddenly cringed and leaned against her for support, feeling the strangest urge to hunt down his partner and smack him upside the head. All over the city, stallions far and wide randomly paused in what they were doing, many of them wincing. Even in the Equestrian army tents camped along the walls of the city, stallions on guard duty paused as if some invisible pony had just slapped them full on the face. Many didn’t even notice the strange, smug look of satisfaction on the faces of the mares around them. No pony and no changeling could have known it, but the reason for this was that another battle in the war of the sexes had just been fought and decided, and thanks to Bait’s utterly-pussified response to sleeping with the mare of his dreams, the fairer gender had won. Ah well, at least one of their own was getting some that night.