//------------------------------// // Walking // Story: Hard To Find The Right Words // by Nameless Narrator //------------------------------// “Good morning, Commander. Heading out on patrol as well, I see.” “Morning, Bladehoof.” “I’m here too, you know.” “Unfortunately so, and with Commander Crest choosing to give you yet another chance for no particular reason that isn’t changing anytime soon.” “How do you know?!” “Commander, I am your… representative and second in line of duty. I have access to all files and documents. That, and you suck at hiding things, no offense.” “More importantly, why did you not blab to everypony, bat?” “I respect orders.” “Crest said the report was from waaaay above on the food chain. With different orders, like to kill or imprison a threat.” “I respect orders.” “Crest, did you give that strangely obedient pony any?” “I-” “I’m talking about orders, you perv, not a taste of Crest.” “No, I had no idea- I thought I hid the report well.” “So whose orders are you obeying, ba- Bladehoof?” “Not all orders need to be explicitly stated, change- Fury.” “I can feel you glaring, bat.” “You’re doing the same, changeling.” “Fury?” “Yes, my owner and blue-balled slave driver?” “If there is a pony I would trust with my life then it’s Bladehoof. Remember how I told you about the previous police chief’s hellhound? Bladehoof and Star Trail stopped it while it was rampaging through the city.” “You were there too, Commander.” “Lying on the sidewalk, holding my guts inside me with my forelegs. ” “Had you not distracted it, it would have been up to me. You did-” “ANYWAY, Bladehoof carried me off to the hospital and has been working under me ever since.” “Heh, under you...” “You weren’t even trying with that one, Fury. You see, Bladehoof? That’s just how she is. What do you see if you get past that snark?” “Daylight, because I must have come out of her ass at that point.” “Holy shit, I don’t know if she burned you or me, Crest, but I’m guessing both. Good job, you flying rat!” “I don’t need praise from you, bug.” “Did I ask anything about need? I’m shoving that praise down your throat whether you like it or not. Now take it like the exotic piece of tight plot you are and stop complaining. Feel the praise penetrating you again and again until you can’t handle it anymore and finally get it through your thick skull that you like it. And when you do, oh when you do admit your insides crave that feeling of someone else’s ‘good job’ crawling down your earholes you’ll do ANYTHING to get more.” “Umm, Commander? I think she’s having a stroke.” “Did I just witness verbal praise clop?” “You, Fury, I’m getting the feeling that your jabs at Commander’s lackluster private life are just you projecting.” “I’m not that bad-” “ME? Go suck on a firehose!” “Come on, you can’t be that desperate. You DO look like a stick figure come to life, but I think there are some hobos just an alley or two away who might be willing to give you a shot. I think I saw one hump a hole in a cardboard box once… oh, now I see the problem. You’re not sure you can compare, but take my word for it, your mouth is foul enough. Although, I’m afraid for the guys, they might catch something nasty.” “Bladehoof, she’s twitching and I can see bulging veins under the chitin. I’m pretty certain that’s not physically possible-” “Oh dear, a batprude here is lecturing a changeling about being bad in bed? What’s your experience, falling asleep at ponies? I had no idea that stick up your butt was literal.” “Oh, first I am everypony’s free hole and now a batprude? Commander, she’s clearly confused, if not too dumb to live. Do we show her mercy and end her misery?” “CREST! Show HER mercy and plow her brains out- nevermind, somepony apparently already did that.” “Ladies-” “I’m getting all the action I need, Fury! You should be grateful I told you about the homeless guys because for you they are your last hope of ever getting any-” “Ladies, please-” “I had a threesome with two of your police mates after I made them my slaves. Check and mate, Bladehoof. HAH!” “Bladehoof, if glares could kill yours would be committing crimes against equinity. Be the bigger mare and stop this before-” “You calling me fat?! Ehm, Commander.” “Hahahahahahahahahahaha! Fat bat Bloathoof.” “STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!” “...” “...” “...” “Commander, everypony is looking at us.” “Yeah, Crest, way to kill the mood.” “Ummm… weren’t you just about a second away from snapping each other’s throat? Why am I the bad guy here?” “You just don’t understand mares, Crest.” “I hate to agree with Fury here.” “There’s usually a ‘but’ following that statement.” “No, I just hate to agree with her. That’s all-” *Yaaaaaawn.* “Ooookay, I’m feeling way out of my depth here. You okay, Bladehoof?” *Yaaawn!* “Of course, Commander. Always operating at peak efficiency.” “Then I think we’ll let you be on your patrol. I still want to show Fury a bit of Riverside.” “He’s kinda slow to catch onto the whole ‘I am blind’ thing. But he’s trying and that’s what counts.” “I know you are-” “You are too easy of a target, Commander.” “Yeah, Crest. You think I got her going? I’d have you FROTHING within three sentences if I wanted.” “So... you’re not really mad at each other?” “I’ll slit her throat if she proves a direct threat or if you give me the order, Commander. Her actions feel alien to us, but I don’t have enough information to pass a correct judgement, so I will keep an eye on her and others acting strange. That also means you, since due to the orders from Canterlot you are the one holding her future in your hooves. However, as I said before, being mad at somepony for acting like what they are is meaningless. The actions she’s taking of her own volition are what interests me, and eases my worries.” “You lost me there a bit, Bladehoof.” “Gotta admit, same here, bloaty, because I’m getting the feeling that you’re complimenting me, and that can’t actually be real.” “It wasn’t important anyway, Commander. In short - no, I am not going after the bugslut’s throat.” “I have a name now, you know? It’s pretty cool, although they rejected all my attempts to make it perfect.” “Same goes.” “...” “...” “You’re both glaring again. Well, Fury, your eyes are kinda just gleaming. Oh, and Bladehoof is a bit to the left, you look like you’re really angry at her shoulder.” “I… fucking… DESPISE that shoulder, Crest. Don’t you dare correct me!” “Ehm, while I always enjoy meeting you, Commander, I still have a patrol to finish.” “Right, right. See you later, Bladehoof.” “You too, Commander.” “And get some cream for the sick burns, bat- bloat- fat- Bladehoof.” “Are you okay, Fury? I think you might be going delusional from hunger. I crushed you so hard no amount of duct tape will repair that broken chitin. Bye.” “Aaaand she’s gone. Should I even bother trying to understand what just happened?” “I’d fight her so hard if I wasn’t a cripple...” “Come on, she’s not that bad.” “Bad? BAD? Crest… there are only two ponies I would consider making my hive slaves, and she’s one of them. The rest of you are food. Food I’m growing to lik- food I’m getting accustomed to, but still food. If I was able to fight, Bladehoof would be fighting me. Since I’m not, she’s accepting a challenge different way. I am- I was a warrior, I… appreciate that.” “So you’d feel better if I berated you?” “It wouldn’t be the same. Now that I know what soft heart you are it would just be an act. Or maybe I’m wrong and you still have it in you to bend me over the nearest table and show me who’s the boss around here, hmm?” “Well, I… no.” “What if I ask nicely?” “This wasn’t asking nicely?” “Just a figure of speech, blueballs. And I HEARD that facehoof.” “Shut up, bug... prisoner... thing. Or I’ll tighten that collar. Slut.” “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” “Well, I tried.” “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” “Come on, if I was like that I wouldn’t be in the police.” “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” “Damn it, Fury, stop that.” “MY SIDES! I CAN SEE THE LIGHT! QUEEN’S GLORIOUS HOLES, HAHAHAHAHA!” “I’ll just be quiet until you’re finished.” “HAHAHA-URK!” “...” *Cough cough cough!* “...” *Hnnnngh!* *Gasp.* “...” *Wheeze.* “All done? Are you okay, you are shaking all over? That fit was pretty scary.” “I fink I bit my tong.” *Sigh.* “Do you want something to drink, Fury? There’s a milkshake place two blocks away.” “Now here’s the Crest I’d keep as my pet back home.” “I’ll take that as a compliment. Let’s go, you deserve some fresh air.” “True, the air was awfully stuffy when I was flying through the stratosphere across half of Equestria.” *Slap.* “Hah, facehoof number two. I can transform a pegasus into a mops even without magic. Fury - thousand, Crest - zero.” “I don’t even know where to begin.” “...zero physical contact with mares in past two years...” “Where’s the flyswatter?”