The Bear, The Eagle, and The Ponies

by ObssesedNuker

Full Stop Warfare

Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony or Red Al-YURI OWNS EVERYTHING! ALL HAIL YURI!

The noise was almost unbearable. The very air itself seemed to shake with the pressure and every blast kicked up torrents of dust from the cellar floor. But as much as she wanted to, she couldn’t run. As much as every bone in her body told her to go and find a new hiding place where the noise and dust and shaking could not find her, she refused to obey.
She refused to obey her mind because she was too terrified to obey it. She was too terrified to obey because rationally she knew she would be exchanging fear and discomfort for certain death. But most of all she refused to obey because she refused to abandon one of her dearest friends. The rabbit she cuddled against also shook with the same fear. She could tell it too wanted to run and hide but wouldn’t because of that same fear… and because of her, just like her, he wouldn’t run because of her.
Instead, she tried to keep the rabbit calm. Even though she couldn’t hear a thing over the roar, she felt her lips move as she sang the lullaby she learned so long ago and the words echoed as loudly in her mind as the roar of the bombardment…
“Hush now, quiet now… it’s time to rest your sleepy head. Hush now, quiet now… it’s time to go to bed.”
A shell landed particularly close, the noise of its detonation echoing off the basement walls. Masonry cracked under immense pressure and the floor shook so violently that she almost fell. Steadying herself, she noticed the rabbit wasn’t shaking anymore… but she could still feel him breathing and moving in her arms. He wasn’t panicking. In fact, he seemed rather calmed. It was so strange and yet so comforting.
Then the barrage stopped. The shaking and noise ceased so suddenly that the following silence was equally discomforting. The dust however remained drifting in the air and irritated her nose. But the girl didn’t move, instead she continued to hug her little rabbit and sing softly to him.
It wasn’t long until voices, soldiers most likely, loudly echoed upstairs alongside the boots hammering overhead. They were speaking, shouting in urgent and clipped tones. They pretty much barked at each other… her breath caught as she heard the basement door fall off its hinges, but no one came down the steps and all the noises remained upstairs.
She literally jumped when the first weapon went off, a single shot that instantly grew into a fusillade of gunfire from upstairs. The soldiers’ shouting became even more urgent, desperate even. Their voices melding with the gunfire until one became indistinguishable from the other. In her arms, the rabbit started shaking again.
Her only warning of what happened next was a single shout from one of the soldiers above, a scream of alarm that in spite of its brevity conveyed the message perfectly: “TANK!”
THOOM!
The explosion above finally dislodged her from her crouch, the rabbit falling from her protective embrace in the process. She looked over just in time to see him mere feet away, just glancing around in bewilderment… then a groan overhead announced new danger.
“Run Angel!” She shouted irrationally, given that he was a rabbit, as the structure gave way. It was the first time she was able to hear her voice since the bombardment began, the first thing she had decided to shout…
And the last thing she was conscious of before the ceiling collapsed.

And Fluttershy shot awake with a gasp, tumbling off her couch in the process. Disoriented and scared from the nightmare and getting shocked awake, the Pegasus Pony scrambled to her hooves. “Angel?!”
The panic began to subside as the Pegasus’ pet rabbit appeared, at first with a look of annoyance on his face but that became one of concern when he saw the genuine distress his owner was in. Quickly hopping over, Angel nuzzled Fluttershy’s cheek. The larger mare closed her eyes and sighed in relief. “Just a dream… thank you Angel, I’m okay now.”
The rabbit in question backed away and watched with skepticism as Fluttershy got back up and oriented herself. She was still in her living room, where she had fallen asleep. There had been an emergency with Bruce the Bat late last night that had kept Fluttershy awake into the early morning and she had tried to use some of her free time to make up for the lost sleep. The couch had been a logical choice, but she never expected to have a nightmare.
Fluttershy’s sudden awakening had thrown the well-ordered pillows around and the Pegasus immediately set about sorting them out before she moved on to other chores. Angel, seeing his owner functioning as normal, hopped away to resume whatever he had been doing. But the young mare was not okay… not really. The dream remained in her head, foggier than when she first awoke but still quite vivid. As she worked, Fluttershy pondered over it…
She had been herself, that’s what she remembered. Except she wasn’t a pony… what her dreamself was, Fluttershy couldn’t puzzle out. The dream had felt so real that she could remember the overall feel of her dreamself’s body, but she couldn’t place it to any species. There were also things in the dream that Fluttershy recalled, things which her dreamself understood perfectly but which she couldn’t figure out in the slightest.
Deciding that dwelling on the subject further was something she would rather not do, Fluttershy told herself it was just a dream, even if a particularly realistic feeling one, and she moved towards her door to check on the animals outside. And, as if on cue, somepony knocked.
Still caught in her thoughts, the sudden noise took her by surprise. Like many things that surprised her, Fluttershy reacted with a short, quick, and very quiet shriek before diving behind the nearest piece of cover… a table in this case.
The knocking came again, along with the familiar voice of a hyperactive Pink Earth Pony. “Fluttershy! Are you alright in there?!”
Fluttershy blinked a few times, before quickly getting up and opening the door.
“Oh, Pinkie! You startled me…” the Pegasus paused as an odd sense of deja-vu passed over her. Or would have, if Pinkie Pie were so inclined to let her have a pause.
“Fluttershy! Come on, you have to come quick and meet them!” The Earth Pony was excited. Fluttershy could tell by how frequently and how high Pinkie jumped about.
The Pegasus, on the other hand, reacted with more trepidation. “What? Why?”
“Some new creatures came out of the Everfree forest and there was a misunderstanding, but they talk and actually are pretty nice and-!“
There was a blast of dust and when it cleared, Pinkie Pie saw she was alone. For a moment, the normally up-beat Earth Pony frowned in annoyance. “Hey! That’s my gag!”

“Holy shit…”
Twilight and her friends reacted in different, if predictable, ways to the strange creature’s words. Both Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash burst into laughter, Applejack cast an alarmed glance towards the door to make sure that none of the Cutie Mark Crusaders had wandered back out, Twilight herself blinked in surprise, and Rarity was both shocked and horrified. After a moment, the creature shuffled awkwardly, clearly embarrassed.
“Sorry about that,” it said. “It’s just Ponies suddenly speaking English… took me by surprise.”
“You cursin’ as a reaction took us by surprise!” Applejack replied angrily, “Don’t ya know there’s children about!”
The creature looked at the Earth Pony in clear surprise, “Is that a Texan accent?”
Applejack scowled in annoyance, “Acksent?! What acksent?! And I ain’t ever heard of this ‘Texas’!”
The creature seemed to start getting angry, but then it shook its head and took a deep breath before exchanging a look with the second creature standing next to it. The rest of those creatures were a ways back, their own expressions a mix of confusion, wonder, and silent amusement at the situation. In this interval, Twilight mulled over the creatures’ appearances.
The creatures’ voices, when gone through the translation spell, had a lot of similarities to a stallion’s so they were probably male. Their appearance made Twilight think of Spike, although these creatures didn’t have a tail or scales. The unicorn could also tell that they were heavily clothed, which was not common for Ponies. And they smelled! Twilight’s nose wrinkled, although she did her best not to show it. Although even visually, she could tell they were dirty… grime covered their clothing, their equipment, and the strange items they carried.
Twilight was brought back from her reflection by the apparent leader, the one who had been talking so far, clearing his throat, “Look, maybe we got off on the wrong foot. Can we try this again?”
“Of course.” Twilight said quickly, eagerly smiling. “I suppose we kind of misunderstood each other…” She looked over her shoulder, “Right girls?”
“Ah guess so, Twi.” Applejack muttered.
“Are you kidding?! Getting to meet somepony new… well, you aren’t ponies of course, but still you’re new here and-“ Pinkie gasped in excitement, “That means I’ll have to throw a PARTY! With balloons and streamers and-mphlmph!” Pinkie was somewhat put off to find Applejack’s hoof in her mouth, but accepted the signal to be quiet with a mere pout.
Dash frowned and crossed her forehooves, she was giving a hard look at one of the creatures… the one she collided with. “I guess…”
“I think we really should hurry along with a proper greeting…” Rarity eyed the creatures, “What have all of you been doing?! It can’t have been hygienic!”
Twilight gulped, worried that the creatures might be insulted. But to her surprise they all laughed a little.
“That tends to happen in our line of work, unfortunately.” The leader said, “Anyways, if we are introducing ourselves…” He stiffened straight up, impressive looking despite his otherwise ragged appearance, “I am Captain Adam Gins, United State Army,” He motioned to the creature standing at his side, “And this is Gunnery Sergeant Carl Vince…”
Twilight grinned, happy to have names to give the individual creatures, “A pleasure to meet you! I am Twilight Sparkle-” She was interrupted by a few snickers from the other creatures standing further back, but those fell silent immediately when Carl Vince shot a look over his shoulder.
“Uh, and these are my friends,” Twilight continued, pointing at each in turn with her hoof, “Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and-“
“HI!” The last of Twilight’s friends bounded the distance between her and Gins far more quickly than anypony anticipated. “I’m Pinkie Pie! I’m a pony, just like Twilight and the rest! What about you? And you introduced yourself and that Carl guy but what about your other friends here?” Without missing a beat, Pinkie Pie gave a tremendous gasp, “Oh my Celestia! Fluttershy isn’t here, she should be here, she loves meeting other creatures! Well, kind of but still Igottagogetherbye!”
And just like that, the hyperactive Earth Pony zipped off as quickly as she had talked, leaving a bemused crowd behind.
“What… what just happened?” Gins finally said after the long awkward silence.
Twilight sighed and gave a nervous smile, “You just met Pinkie Pie…”
“I… see”
Twilight paused as she tried to bring the conversation back on track, “I‘m sorry if it’s rude, Adam, but I have to ask… what are you? I haven’t heard of any creatures like your group in Equestria before…”
“Equestria? Is that what this place is called?” Once again, there were a few snickers from behind Gins, which he duly ignored… although apparently Carl didn’t. “Well, we’re humans or informally “men” or “people”, with man or person as singular. Homo Sapiens is the technical name. And before you ask… we’re lost. We were on a mission and… well, we’re not sure what happened but the next thing we knew we came to in a forest several klicks that way.” He waved his hand back.
Rainbow Dash perked up at that, “The Everfree forest?! Man, you must have been some lucky humans or something…”
Twilight ignored Rainbow’s outburst as she connected a different set of dots, “You said you are part of the ‘United States Army’? Is that like the Royal Guard?”
The human didn’t seem to know how to reply for a moment, “I guess so?”
“So why the hay did you come bargin’ in on my farm?!” Applejack finally joined her. Her temper was still somewhat hot from the scuffle earlier and she wasn’t a pony who believed in dallying.
To his credit, Gins kept his cool and answered straightforwardly, which Twilight found herself immensely glad for. “This farm was the first location we spotted and we were hoping to find some assistance. So I grabbed a few of the men and hiked over here. We were expecting other humans not… ponies.”
Rarity raised an eyebrow, “A few of the men? There are more of you?” Now some alarm entered the unicorn’s voice, “And you are all in this condition?!”
This time Vince replied, simply echoing his Captain, “We were on a mission.”
Rarity gasped, “Oh you poor little things!”
That brought a rather mixed reaction from the humans, mostly surprise and confusion although Twilight did hear one of them mutter “Who is she calling little?”
Fortunately Rarity didn’t hear him, “We are perfectly willing to help! I’m sure the mayor wouldn’t mind providing some assistance…”
“Uh, Rarity…” Applejack quickly cut off the white unicorn, “Doesn’t that strike you as a little presumptuous? I mean, I don’t think the mayor is really all about just taking in any creatures that have come out of Everfree.” The apple farmer glanced over at the humans, “No offense.”
“No problem.” Gins nodded back.
“Oh dear, don’t worry about it. After all, I know the mayor would love some positive attention from Canterlot,” None of the ponies noticed one of the humans gag, “after all, first contact with a new civilization of creatures will attract all kinds of attention! Speaking of which, Twilight… you might want to write to Princess Celestia.”
Twilight blinked as the implications of everything clicked in her mind. “Ohmygosh! You’re right! This hasn’t happened in hundreds of years! Oh I wish Spike was here, then I could-“
Gins decided to interrupt, but not to ask for any clarification although a number of what had been said between the ponies did raise questions in his mind. “Excuse me, but I have to go get my men and explain to them what is going on. I think that would be easier if one of you comes with us…”
Twilight glanced over her shoulder at her friends, “Uh… well, I think I should. After all, I’ll have to be there in order for us to understand each other. I may have casted the translation spell on you but-”
“Wait,” Again, Gins interrupted, “A translation spell? As in a magic spell?”
Twilight replied with all the confusion she felt, “Well yes. Magic was the most efficient way we could quickly communicate…”
“Magic?” Gins repeated.
“Magic.” Twilight confirmed.
“Magic.” Gins said one last time, his voice filled with doubt. He turned to Sergeant Vince, who just shrugged.
“You are in a conversation with a small talking purple unicorn, sir.”
“Right.” Gins turned back to Twilight and her friends, “Very well, I accept your offer of assistance.”
“Magnificent!” Rarity exclaimed before Twilight could get over her bemusement, “Oh there will have to be arrangements made, you will all have to be cleaned up, oh and there will be Pinkie Pie’s party of course…“
“Don’t get ahead of yourself, sugarcube.” Applejack warned, but Rarity didn’t seem to take notice.
One of the soldiers sighed in exasperation and said to another one, “Isn’t this just a strange day? We’re getting fussed over by a unicorn who reminds me too much of my mother…”
“I always figured your mother was like a hor-“
For once, it was Gins who cut the conversation short by rounding on his troops. “Alright, that’s enough! Stow your crap and prepare to move out!”
“Ah best check on the family.” Applejack said quickly, “You sure you can handle this Twi’?”
“Of course she can!” Dash grinned, landing next to the unicorn. “Especially since I’ll be with her!” She turned to the humans and grinned, “Besides, these guys actually seem kind of cool.”
“I guess we shouldn’t keep the others waiting anymore, if that is alright?” Gins interjected.
“Certainly, lead the way captain.” Twilight replied, before glancing over at Applejack, “I’ll be fine. It was all just a misunderstanding... I suppose you should be ready when we come back.”
And with that the group split, Twilight and Rainbow Dash headed off with the humans while Rarity made back for Ponyville to inform the mayor. Applejack was just stepping up to the farmhouse when a familiar voice broke the silence.
“Umm… Applejack? Pinkie Pie-“
“I brought Fluttershy!” The interruption of the second voice was much less welcome than the first and after Applejack had recovered from the surprise, she managed to explain to the uncharacteristically eager pegasus that the “new creatures” had gone off but would be back.
“Oh...” Fluttershy said, looking a little disappointed before perking back up. “But I can’t wait to meet them!”
“Especially since we can use this opportunity!” Pinkie Pie said, “Applejack, you get the girls and Big Mac! We’re going to need their help. Fluttershy-
“Hold up there sugarcube!” Applejack sternly looked at Pinkie, “Just what in the hay are you talking about? What opportunity is this?”
Pinkie looked at the farmer like she had just asked what color the sky was, “Why the Surprise Welcome to Equestria Party of course!” And with that, the pink pony pulled out her signature party cannon from… somewhere. “This’ll help, but we also need a lot more! Like apple pie and cake and…”
As Fluttershy silently enjoyed Pinkie’s familiar antics, she paused as something niggled at the back of her conscious. Something recent that had happened but she forgot, a nightmare of some sort? The Pegasus shrugged it off… it probably wasn’t that important.

“Sir…” Vince said soon after the squad, with their two new additions, had left the farm, “Shouldn’t we radio the lieutenant and let him know we are coming?”
“Shit.” Gins muttered, almost stopping in shock. He had completely forgotten to even have his radio on… Lieutenant Mullivan would undoubtedly have heard the shooting! Such a stupid cadet mistake!
Twilight Sparkle, trotting alongside the two humans, merely tilted her head at the exchange.
Gins quickly checked his receiver… he even had left the damn thing off! With a short scowl at his own stupidity, he flipped his combead on and rapidly switched to the company’s channel.
“Hotel-2 this is Delta-6, how copy?”
There was only a moment’s static before the familiar clipped tones of a British accent replied. “D-6, this is H-2. I read you five-by-five. We heard automatic fire earlier… what happened?”
“Hotel-2, Delta-6. We ran into the natives, there was something of a misunderstanding but no casualties. Area is friendly but hold position until we get back. Be advised, we’ll have two guests.”
“Who are you-?“ Twilight’s question was cut off by a raised finger.
“Roger D-6, we will hold position until you get here. Interrogative, did you find out where we are?”
Gins chuckled as a preface to his reply. “Kind-of. You’ll see in a moment Lieutenant. Delta-6 out.” He glanced over at Twilight, “You were asking a question?”
“Well… I just wanted to know who you were talking too.”
“Ah, that was Lieutenant Mullivan.” Gins shrugged, “I left him in charge of the rest of the company where we were camping out.”
Twilight frowned in confusion, “But how were you talking with him?”
“You don’t have radio?” Gins asked. When Twilight shook her head, he elaborated, “It’s a means of short to long distance wireless communication.”
“Like a telegraph?” Twilight’s eyes lit up, “How fascinating! How does it work? Is it magically based? No… wait, your reaction earlier to my explanation of the translation spell indicates humans have never encountered magic. Let’s see… oh! Does it use one of the electromagnetic wavelengths on the light spectrum?”
Gins looked down at the pony in surprise on two counts. First: he had just learned that this pony civilization had telegraph. Second: he had never thought he would ever meet a talking unicorn much less one who might have an idea how radio worked! “Yeah… that was a really good guess. Are you some kind of scientist?”
Twilight blushed at the complement, “Oh no… I just remembered reading about the latest theories on the light spectrum in last month’s Canterlot Natural Sciences Update. They were talking about experiments in testing the higher wavelengths in the spectrum, which many of the writers thought could be used as a means of non-wired communication, although they were still thinking in terms of telegraph transcribing onto paper.” Suddenly, she perked up again and Gins swore that at any moment she was going to start jumping in circles excitedly. “Oh my gosh! You already have a practical means of using electromagnetism for similar purposes! This is big! It could revolutionize the telegraphing and mail-service industries!”
“Uh…” Was all Gins could say. His thoughts were rapidly veering between how this pony knew so much, about all of the diplomatic challenges and policy decisions looming ahead that were most emphatically not his to face, and how absolutely adorable Twilight Sparkle looked all excited like that. He would never admit that last one out loud, but damn! He felt like he was on the verge of having a sugar-induced heart attack!
Fortunately, he was saved from the sweetness attack by a chuckle from above.
“That’s Twilight for you!” Rainbow Dash said, swooping down from her overhead eavesdropping to land to the right of Sergeant Vince, “She’s Ponyville’s bona-fide egg-head… has a degree and everything!” The Pegasus grinned at Twilight’s scowl, “Hey, Twi dont get me wrong. You may be an egg-head but you’re also awesome.”
“Thanks Dash…”Twilight sounded more sardonic than thankful.
“Don’t sweat it.” And with that, Rainbow Dash took off again and circled around. The humans didn’t stop walking, but their heads turned to follow her. The sight of a genuine flying pegasus was still extremely novel.
Dash glanced over the crowd and quickly spotted the human she thought she was looking for. Swinging in next to him she spoke up. “Hey, you were the one I ran into right?”
Werve hesitated a moment before speaking, still unnerved by technicolored equines “Uh… yeah.” He unconsciously lowered the barrel of his M60 machine gun further towards the ground as he spoke, “Sorry about shooting at you.”
“Hey, it’s cool. You were looking out for your friends, right? Same with me.” Dash said, looking down at the weapon. So the metal sticks shot stuff? The pegasus considered that… obviously they were nothing like bows-and-arrows or slingshots. Maybe they acted like the spell bullets some Unicorns could use? She certainly remembered a lot of light and noise when that… thing was firing. That was good, if the projectiles were anything like magi-bullets it meant she wouldn’t have been killed by the weapon. With that settled, Dash added, “Sorry for jumping to conclusions and charging at you.”
“Hey, it’s alright. We just had a misunderstanding” Werve replied awkwardly. It was an accurate way of phrasing his motives, although the actions hadn’t been anywhere as conscious as the words implied. He just quietly thanked god he hadn’t hit the Pegasus… he wouldn’t have known what would have happened had he killed her. A part of his conscious asked him why he had started to worry about who (or what) he killed now, but it was quickly lost amidst the more frenetic activity of his mind. “It’s Rainbow Dash, right?”
“Heck yeah!” Dash puffed up her chest in pride as she hovered in mid-air. “Fastest pegasus in Equestria!”
“James Werve,” The soldier said, “Private in the US Army.”
At that moment another trooper from the squad broke in, “Hey, how fast is the ‘fastest’?”
“Heh, well… I don’t like to brag.” Dash said loudly, ignoring the burst of laughter from Twilight Sparkle further ahead. “But you’re looking at the only pony that can pull off a Sonic Rainboom! All 800 miles per hour of glory! Although I only need to reach around 770 for the Rainboom to actually go off...”
“Bull!” A third GI suddenly came into the conversation, “That’s impossible!”
Dash scowled and moved towards the challenger, “You calling me a liar, chump?”
“Damn right!” The soldier said, “Hell, if it weren’t for the fact you were hovering in mid-air in front of me I would have laughed at the idea of you flying! Your wingspan shouldn’t even make you able to fly! And you are telling me you can move almost four times than the fastest previous known living creature? I call bullshit!”
“Christ, Pat.” The soldier who had asked “how fast” said, “Why don’t you pack that biology stuff away?”
But Dash was not the kind of pony to take a challenge to her title lying down. “Oh yeah, you can’t even fly! What would you know about pegasus flying anyways?!”
The challenging trooper was about to reply when Vince entered the picture from seemingly nowhere. “Goddamn it private! Don’t antagonize the locals, even if they seem to be making an absurd claim! Or are we going to have to play a game of BOMBARDMENT?!”
The soldier visibly paled and muttered a quick “No sarge, sorry sarge.”
Rainbow Dash was confused. She turned back to the human she first came back to speak to “Hey, James… what is bombardment?”
The private shook his head, “It’s the Sergeant’s way of punishing the bigger troublemakers while in the field. It… well, don’t worry about it.”
Dash seemed curious but let the matter drop. James was happy about that, he couldn’t dredge up the heart to tell her that ‘bombardment’ would have never been permissible in the army just a year ago and that it involved the use of rather hefty rocks…

Captain Gins had already been anticipating the look on Mullivan’s face halfway through the trip back to the hill. As the squad, and their ‘guests’, approached the hilltop, the eyes of the entire company turned on them. At first, most of them just gave a mere glance. But those that remained widened in surprise and disbelief and the watchers nudged their less attentive comrades. Those comrades looked more closely now, saw the two ponies, and then nudged their comrades.
It wasn’t long before Dash and Twilight Sparkle were feeling a little uncomfortable under the gaze of 40 humans…
Gins was initially denied his enjoyment when the lieutenant met them. The British officer couldn’t seem to settle on an emotion and his first words after he saluted were: “Sir, forgive me if I may sound a mite daft… but do you see a small purple unicorn standing to your left?”
Gins gave a wry grin, “Yes, yes I do. I don’t even have to look to know she is there.”
“She?” Mullivan said, horribly confused.
Gins ignored him for a moment. “If you would, Miss Sparkle.”
For a short few moments Twilight Sparkle’s horn glowed that strange color and all of the humans, except for the just-arrived, felt that slight pressure in the backs of their minds. The glow from her horn died down and Twilight opened her mouth to speak…
Only for Rainbow Dash to shoot forward and loudly proclaim: “Hey! Can you hear me now?”
Now Mullivan’s face settled on an expression and Gins found himself wishing the British officer wore a monocle.

A/N: Fin-uh-fucking-ly! Yeah, this took me ages… but not only do I find “lotsa talk, little action” pieces kind of tough to write, I’m also unsurprisingly horrendously lazy. I mean: 4.7 thousand words? I’ve put out chapters twice as long as that in a few weeks! Granted, I don’t recall that story actually being any good and I think I tore it off the web in shame, deleting it totally from that old computer. Suffice to say, I’m not entirely pleased with this chapter but I believe it is much better than my past attempts at writing “talkity-talk, not shooty-shoot” kind of pieces.

But hey! Set-up, exposition, and introduction of characters who will play roles later is always good, right? Right? Where are all these crickets coming from?

Anyways… now that season 2 is over I can safely declare that from here on out, this story will run largely with canon elements from then. If (as is eminently likely) this is still going when season 3 (and 4 and 5 and how many more there are) come out, then I’ll be picking what fits and discarding all the rest.

For those of you who might complain about the whole “Sonic Rainboom at mach 1 and this scientificy aerodynamic yada-blah contradicts it”, I am going to remind you that My Little Pony is a kids cartoon while this fanfic certainly isn’t. While there will still be cartoony elements and plenty of humor (both dark and otherwise), this is mostly a serious fic.

Here is a nice rule of thumb for this fic: the “strength” of the rule of funny will usually be inversely proportional.

Anyways! Next time we start the steamroller with our frontier!ponies and ruskie friends in…

Dark Night, Red Light