Deadpool in Equestria

by MrAquino


Modern Art. Pony #185: Arrowhead.

In Ponyville's local art museum, mares, stallions, and foals all gathered around, observing the various art pieces made by Shining Armor's friend, Arrow Head. The totally-not-a-hipster-pegasus stallion smiled away as everypony gathered around, observing his creations... with mixed feelings. Though, to be honest, while it would seem Equestria's population is a bit low in the intelligence, they kinda had the right idea of asking 'Is this even Art?' like we do nowadays. However, the stallion was poked in his left flank. He turned to see Scootaloo in her telegram outfit, with a package.

"Sir Arrow Head?" She asked, offering the package. "Package for you." He took the package. She saluted before running off.

"For me?" He asked, seeing the note on the package.

URGENT. It read, but with really bad handwriting that most of us have nowadays and that our parents may say "Your God damn serial killer handwriting!"... okay... too personal.

"What?" He asked, opening it. Inside was a gas mask, just able to cover his muzzle, though he had to hold on to it. Another note was in it. He read it to himself.

Put this on right now. It read in that serial killer handwriting that my dad yells at me about even though I HAVE A DIFFERENT FONT THAN HIS!!!... Anyways, as soon as he read that, a strange colored smoke began to pump through the air vents around. The nearby ponies who took a whiff fell to the floor, fast asleep. Arrow Head, unsure as to what was happening, followed suit, putting and holding the gas mask over his muzzle. In a matter of moments, everyone in the museum was passed out, unharmed, both in, and anyone within a meter away. Soon, the gas dissipated away. The front door opened, and in came Deadpool, having a gentleman's hat and wielding cane in his right hand, and was followed by his Taco Squad, with Discord having a boombox on his shoulders. Everyone else had brushes and cans of paint with them, with the cans being open, it's handle's in their mouths, and all holding the brushes in their hooves.

"Ladies, and a gentleman." Deadpool spoke. "Let's broaden our minds!" Discord pressed the play button, and out came a song by Prince. With a wave of his cane, Deadpool lead everyone in, swinging his cane around and knocking over the small, golden trophy, to which it shattered into smaller pieces. "Surprise?" The white pegasus bounced to him, not spilling any paint, surprisingly. He pulled out a fairly small paintbrush, and, on the all black 'painting', he drew a famous internet meme on it.

Sonata spattered her cans of paint all over the hoof-print covered floor pannel, before jumping into the center and dancing to the music, while mouthing the lyrics, thought not entirely singing it. Discord himself, with the aid of his tail, went to every portrait, adding mustaches and dorky glasses to each of them... except for one. He paused, but snickered as he simply erased the glasses and pictures. Pinkie dunked her whole head in her can of paint before running face first, spattering her whole face into the cake picture, which somehow turned into the Mona Lisa. Surprise splattered every other painting with her own paint, not even caring the mess she made in the process.

Despite all of his artwork being ruined, Arrowhead stayed silent, unsure as to whether to tell them to stop, or encourage them. A romantic table appeared in front of him, which was followed by everyone adding their final touches, and rushing to Arrowhead, where the song stopped and Deadpool took his seat in front of him.

"You can take that off now." He spoke. Arrowhead followed, taking the gasmask off his muzzle. "You're beautiful... in an millennial kind of way. But I'm sure we can make you more... today." Pinkie pulled a flamethrower out and lit up the candles in front of them. Deadpool picked up his binder. "This your portfolio?"

"I'm... meeting someone who wants to see my work." Arrowhead answered, sweating a bit. Deadpool looked through his artwork
"Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap." He stopped at what looked like a genuine, morbid picture of Arrow's foalhood. "Now that's good work! The pain, the suffering. You give it such a dim glow. I'm not a huge fan of your art, but I like this." He stood up. "Let me tell you what I'm thinking about; I was in the bath one day... when I realized why I was destined for greatness. You know how concerned people are about appearances? 'This is attractive, that is not.' That is all behind me. I now do what other people only dream; I make art...until someone dies. See?" He snickered. "I am the world's first, fully-functioning homicidal artist!"

"What do you want?"

"... For everyone to laugh at pain and suffering without being too sensitive about things."

"You're joking, aren't you?"

"Do I look like I'm joking?"

"... Kinda."

"Listen, we mustn't compare ourselves to regular people. We're artists. For instance, let me challenge you with a piece I did." He pointed to Pinkie "Pie?" She ran out. "Luna." He turned back to Arrowhead, handing him a camera. "You will photograph and record my work. You will join me in the avant-garde of the new aesthetic."

"Wade!" Luna groaned, walking in with a mask on. "You said I could watch you improve these paintings."

"Oops! I'm in trouble now."

"Why is she wearing a mask?" Arrow asked.

"It's still just a sketch, really. Luna, please, sit down. Show the man why you wear this mask. Luna's been made over in line with my new philosophy. So now, like me... she is a living work of art." Luna showed her face.

Arrow Head jumped up from the surprise!

"I'm no Picasso, but...do you like it?" Deadpool asked

"It's great." He lied "So...what can I do for you?"

"A little song, a little dance. The DC Executives heads on a lance. What do you know about...?" He pulled up a photo of Paul Broucek"

"I don't know anything about him."

"Really? Well, how about a little "you and me"?"

"You're insane."

"I thought I was a Pisces, but, fair enough. Let's make up. Have a little... whiff of my posy." He pulled a gun and pulled the trigger. A flower hit the stallion on the head, making him scream like a little filly. He grabbed a vase of water and splashed it on Deadpool's face. Steam came out of his face as he covered his face. "Help me! I'm melting! I'm melting! Help me! I'm melting!"

"... What did I just do?" He asked himself. Deadpool turned around, showing his real face. Arrow screamed again. "Boo!" Deadpool snickered. The shock made Arrowhead faint on the spot.

"... So... dinner?" Luna asked, rubbing the fake eye off her face.

"Yeah," Deadpool replied, putting on another dry mask on. "So, how do you like my new art?"

"It's very creative. Much better than his artwork, might I add."

"Eh, I had some help. I bet we can sell these to those rich folks in Canterlot and make a pretty bit!"

"My thoughts exactly." Luna's horn glowed as she picked up the new, dried up paintings, and took them to be sale for Canterlot's next auction house.

The roof crashed as Celestia came down, wearing an all black, bat-like costume.

"That's far enough-!" She yelled in a grizzly voice before stopping and realizing the place was filled with her unconscious subjects.. "Dang it! How can I become Bat-Mare without anyone to fight or protect!?"