//------------------------------// // Mentally Unprepared for This // Story: Quill // by Pinkieappleflutter //------------------------------// It was very close to my birthday when things started going south. It was just a normal morning, only, something felt off. At first I couldn't place why things were off. I got out of bed, looked out the window, and saw it was dark outside. Panicked, I walked over to my side table and saw that my clock said 4:32 a.m and I got concerned. And then, something in my head shifted and I could feel tears fall from my eyes. I thought about Sugar, and how she used to rub my back when I couldn't sleep at night. And I realized too, that this was the first time I truly thought about her since she passed. I just cried, and cried on the floor not caring how loud I was being and who could hear me. And some pony did. I felt a foreleg wrap around be and I jumped. "Sugar!?" I said automatically. But it wasn't Sugar like I secretly hoped. It was Thunderlane. He looked down on me with pity. But something else was in those eyes. Understanding? Sorrow? I was too distraught to ask. He laid beside me, wrapping his wing around my back. This action, he did it so gently, as if to say, "It's okay. I am here for you." I don't know how much longer I cried, or when I fell asleep. I remember prying my eyes open from the salt that laid around them. I felt the warm sun and remember how alien it felt compared to the cold moon. My ears twitched subtly and I could hear the faint snores of Thunder beside me. I tried to move slowly away from him, trying not to wake him, but I did so anyway. "Good morning, sleep well?" he asked, sleep still in his voice. "I guess so, what time did I fall asleep?" I asked, my voice quiet and my throat slightly sore from the night before. "About 6:00 a.m," Thunder explained, sitting up. I blush from guilt. "Sorry," I said. "Don't be. If I can't be there for a friend then what kind of a pony would I be?" he asked. "A crappy one, that's for sure," he assured. "I- I just don't know what came over me," I explained. "I was fine until last night," I explained further. "Do you want to talk about it?" Thunder asked. "Not really. All I'll say for now is that I came to Ponyville to get away from something, and now it seems to have followed me here," I said, sighing a little. I know what I was doing. I was hiding the truth from my friend. I didn't think that he would be able to understand, so I didn't tell him the complete truth. "Can I ask you something?" he asked, as if knowing he was about to go into personal territory. "Sure," I said, barely above a whisper. "Who is Sugar?" My heart clenched when he said that name. I didn't say anything. I just spun my head around and glared at him. I thought that he had no right of knowing who she was, or even saying the name. I was furious. So furious, in fact, that I went to my window, opened it, and flew off to the bed and breakfast Heather and Honey Dew was staying at. Though flying to my friends, all I wanted was Lil. I missed her and just wanted to hear her soothing, pretty voice telling me everything was going to be alright. "Quill! Why the rush?" I heard behind me. Thinking it was Thunder, I shouted, "I don't want to see you! Go away!" "Geez, what did I do, Quill?" I heard. I turned my head to see Rainbow beside me looking puzzled. "Awe, I'm sorry. I'm just a little on edge this morning," I explained, hovering in the air. "Hey! That's okay! Where are you headed?" Rainbow said. "To the bed and breakfast. My friends came here yesterday for my birthday and we planned to spend the day together planning my party," I lied. "But, Pinkie has already planned a party for you, she's been planning it since she found out your birthday. Didn't she tell you?" Rainbow questioned. "Yeah, about that..." I said, trying to come up with an explanation. "You still haven't talked to her, have you?" Rainbow asked bluntly. "I can't help it! After my 'Welcome to Ponyville' party I've been too embarrassed to even look at Pinkie Pie!" A practically shouted. "Why? Because you got drunk in front of her?" Rainbow asked. I nodded in shame. "But, you drank wine with Twilight, and you go over to the castle all the time!" Rainbow explained. "Twilight is different! Yeah, she's a really great friend, but I don't look up to her as much as I do Pinkie! Ever since I read the news article about you guys, Pinkie has been my inspiration! She is the one who got me to decide to come here, and now that she knows how much of a drunken mess I can be, I can't go near her! I'm so embarrassed!!" I shouted. "Hey, pro tip, Quill. You gotta be careful what you say and do. Because Pinkie is known for teleportation and good hearing. And yelling like that, might get her attention," Rainbow said. "Teleportation? But... she's an Earth Pony," I said, puzzled. "It's Pinkie Pie, don't question it," Rainbow said, and again I looked at her puzzled. "No, trust me. It's not worth it," she explained. "Well, thanks, but I should be going, don't want to keep them waiting," I explained. "Hang on, I'll come with you!" Rainbow said. "Oh, no, you don't have to. I can manage on my own," I stated. "Well, yeah, you're a full grown mare, of course you can 'manage on your own'. I want to meet your friends!" Rainbow explained, excitedly. I screamed internally once I realized that I almost slipped out the real reason I was going to Heather and Honey Dew. "Okay, I'll lead you to them then," I said, awkwardly. "It's getting pretty chilly," Rainbow commented. "I always hate the winter and always crave those warm summer days," she added. My chest compressed and I couldn't breathe. Summer Days. I hadn't thought about her in a while, and I mean really think of her. Her eyes, her smile, her laugh, her voice, after that morning hearing her name was just too much for me. I started crying again. Loud, heaving breaths that betrayed all compossier I had around Rainbow. I flew down to the ground and laid in the soft, coolish grass. "Hey, was it something I said? I-I'm sorry," Rainbow Dash said, flying down next to me. At the time, I had no idea what was with me that day. First Thunder and then Rainbow? I was a complete mess! Looking back, I realize that it was because I suppressed everything I felt for an unhealthy amount of time; and that day, my mind just couldn't hold all of it in. This was a different sadness from Sugar's funeral, it was a different sadness from when Heather and Honey Dew's parents left us for that while, it was a more internal sadness, a painful one. I can't explain more than that, because it is very hard to. A sadness that is unknown to those who haven't felt it. That brings hopelessness and loneliness and won't let go until your tears stop and you're left with melancholic peace and mental exhaustion. That is the sadness I felt that day, it wouldn't be the last time I felt it either. "Hey, what's wrong?" Rainbow asked in a stage whisper. "S-Su-ummer," I stuttered through a never ending waterfall of tears. "Do you miss summer too?" Rainbow asked in confusion, not really understanding. "N-No, my childhood friend. We were in the same orphanage to-together," I sniffed, barely keeping anything together. "Oh, I'm sorry. I know what it feels like losing somepony who you thought you were close to," Rainbow explained. Her voice never losing a tone of sadness and understanding. Not the same sadness I was experiencing at the time though. At that moment, I had an epiphany. Not because of what Rainbow said, but because of Summer's memory. I was in Ponyville! The same town where Summer had left her foal! I got up suddenly, startling Rainbow, and ran to the busy part of town. "Where are you going?" Rainbow asked, flying after me. "To the orphanage!" I shouted back excitedly. "Why!?" she said as she caught up. "I want to make things right," I said simply, a slight smile as I said it. We ran through the town. Passing buildings, dodging ponies, I was determined to get there. I was determined to make things up to Summer. And we get there. A cozy little place with a posted sign in neat fancy letters "Ponyville Orphanage a home for the lost ones". I looked and saw through the windows and saw little fillies and colts up to the age of ten staring through the window at me. I gulped and looked if Rainbow Dash was beside me. When I confirmed that she was, I trotted towards the house and the little fillies and colts left excitedly towards the door to greet me and Rainbow. A stoutly old mare with a grey mane and turquoise body waddled towards us as we walked in. "Good morning Quill and Rainbow," she greeted. "Good morning to you too, Ms. Veil," I said politely. "Morning," Rainbow added. "I wasn't expecting you two, do you need something?" Ms. Veil asked. "Uh, actually, I would like to talk to you, but maybe somewhere a little more private? Like your office?" I asked. "Of course, follow me," Ms. Veil obliged. I nodded to Rainbow, signalling to her that she could leave, and she did. Ms. Veil brought me to the back of the small house to a small, cramped room that held a single desk, chair, and filing cabinet beside the door. "So, Quill, what can I do you you?" Ms. Veil asked. "Um, well, I was hoping to adopt a colt or filly, but the qualifications of this colt or filly is very... well... specific," I explained. "Let's hear it," she stated, reading her pencil and paper. "Well, this colt or filly needs to be at the most four years old. Because about four years ago my old friend had the foal and put the foal here. You may remember her. Summer Days?" I explained. "I do recall a young filly by that name. She was yellow, yes?" Ms. Veil asked. "Yes! Is her foal still here?" I exclaimed. "Indeed he is! I'll go fetch him. Wait right here," Ms. Veil explained. With a sudden dropping of my stomach, I realized what I was doing. I was going to adopt Summer's foal. Without Lil's or Noteworthy's consent. I had a mini panic attack as I waited for Ms. Veil's return with the little colt. The doorknob turned and I jerked around to see Ms. Veil and a colt that was blueish grey with dark purple eyes and a yellow mane and tail with a strip of black in them. He looked so scared and unsure. For a moment, I didn't care about the consent of those I needed. I wanted that foal. But common sense quickly came back to me when Ms. Veil introduced him to me. "Storm, this is Quill. She wants to adopt you." Hope rose a little in the colt's face as he shyly looked up at me. "Well, uh, the thing is, I'll have to talk it over with my marefriend and landlord, but it won't take much convincing," I explained sheepishly. "That's fine. Go talk with them and come back tomorrow with the answer," Ms. Veil explained, understandingly. Storm walked up to me and said, "It's okay, Ms. Quill, you don't have to come back," and my heart broke. I kneeled down and tried to look him in the eyes, but he didn't want to meet my gaze. "I promise you, Storm. I'll go all the way to Canterlot to get my answer if I have to. I will adopt you by morning." He still avoided my gaze, but his body language told me that I had gotten through to the little pegasus colt. "Thank you for visiting, Ms. Quill, we will all wait eagerly for tomorrow with your reply," Ms. Veil said, coming towards us. That settled that then. All I needed to do, now that I was more clear headed and rational, was to go to Thunderlane and apologize for that morning. "Thank you again, Ms. Veil," I said, shaking her hoof. I walked out as briskly as I could and when I got outside, Rainbow was waiting for me with Heather. "Hey, Rainbow, you didn't have to wait for me," I explained. "Hey, Heather! Where is Honey Dew?" I greeted. "She's in the market talking to a stallion she met," Heather explained. "Hey, I know I didn't have to wait for you, but you looked pretty beat up, so I wanted to wait here to see if you were okay," Rainbow said. "Beaten up? I don't see any bruises or anything to suggest a fight," Heather said, confused yet worried. "Not really beaten up, I just had a melt down, that's all. But I'm fine now, thonk you, Rainbow," I explained to both. "Oh, are you sure? You don't want to talk about it?" Heather offered. "Later today, okay? Really, I'm fine," I explained, half lying half telling the truth. I wasn't actually okay, I was thinking of how to explain the adoption to Noteworthy and Lil, plus I was still a little upset from thinking of Summer and Sugar, but I really did want to talk to my friends about it. "Come on, your birthday is in two days, and we all have a surprise for you!" Heather explained, changing the subject. "A surprise? For me?" I questioned. I looked over at Rainbow, she shrugged. "I was not told that I would be getting a gift," I explained, quite confused. "That's the surprise, silly!" Heather explained, getting behind me and starting to push me. What was going on? Why was this happening today of all days. I was stressed, depressed, anxious, and was not prepared for what was about to happen. Plus, I didn't think that anything the girls would give me would help me at all. And I was right, somewhat.