Grief is the Price We Pay

by Scyphi


Mental Scape

Thorax smiled as he peered up at the picturesque partly cloudy sky above him. It was a very nice day to be out and about in the streets of Vanhoover, the weather being fair, and the temperature neither too hot nor too cold despite the area having entered the beginning phases of transitioning from late summer into early autumn. Thorax was both looking forward and dreading the completion of that transition, as autumn wasn’t really a season Thorax ever had the chance to appreciably experience back at his hive, due to it both being so far south and in the middle of a barren wastes that it just didn’t manifest itself. The season sounded like it was beautiful from what Spike and Fly Leaf had told him about their experiences of the season, but also like it would be cold, something Thorax knew he’d prefer avoiding despite knowing he was perfectly capable of handling the cold (as demonstrated by the fact that he did go all the way into the Frozen North and back without too much issue).

Therefore he appreciated the continued fair weather as he strolled through the busy streets, out running a small errand, and would continue to do so for however long it would last. It appeared the ponies he passed were of all similar opinions as they strolled about the city in good spirits themselves, and the streets were somewhat more crowded than usual, a testament to others wanting to enjoy the pleasant weather too. It seemed Thorax’s cheery mood was appreciated as well, because it seemed those he passed were all returning the grin that he wore on his face if they happened to make eye contact as they passed the disguised changeling.

Thorax was about to slip past an brilliant azure-colored mare that was for some reason standing out to his attention however when he abruptly stopped dead in his tracks, feeling a unsettling chill run down his spine. Confused, he glanced about at the street around him, seeking an explanation for the sudden and unsettling sensation, but couldn’t see anything immediately amiss. Ponies simply and gently filed around him as he continued to stand there in the middle of the road, unmoving. It all seemed perfectly normal. Yet there was a niggling thought in the back of Thorax’s head saying different…a word of warning that said something, somewhere, was amiss. Very amiss. And the more the Thorax thought about it, the more this impression grew…but he had no idea what it was or where it was coming from and his search for clues seemed to be fruitless.

Nonetheless, he kept looking despite his sudden halting was obstructing traffic, and was just beginning to think that perhaps he needed to backtrack the way he had come for a bit when he felt something small and wet plop onto his head. Surprised, he put one hoof over the wet spot on his head, trying to wipe off whatever it was while also figuring out what it was, but only found it seemed to be a mere drop of water. Frowning, he was just beginning to wonder where it had come from when he felt another drop plunk onto his croup just above his rump. As he turned to look back at it, he felt more drops begin to fall onto him with rapidly increasing frequency as well as catching sight of more falling onto the street surrounding him. Realizing what it was, he turned his head upward and saw a series of rainclouds had rolled in over the city and was beginning to drizzle rain down upon it.

Thorax frowned in puzzlement at the sight, holding out one hoof to catch one of the raindrops. Wasn’t the weather far clearer just a second ago? Where did this storm come from? But those thoughts were quickly chased from mind when he watched with alarm as a raindrop struck his outstretched hoof and, with a flicker of cyan light, immediately washed a hole into his disguise, revealing a small peephole at his changeling anatomy lying underneath. In terror, he realized all the raindrops that fell on him were doing this. He couldn’t begin to explain why, but he quickly saw that even though he could quickly repair the holes in his disguise by continuously refreshing his disguise, at the accelerating rate the rain was falling, it would soon reach the point that the falling rain would create new holes faster than he could repair them and eventually cause the disguise to collapse completely…in complete view of a street full of ponies…and now Thorax couldn’t help but notice that there were also several members of the local guard patrolling the streets, a highly unusual amount in fact, that he had somehow missed before.

Realizing he needed to get out of the rain and to safety as quickly as he could, Thorax turned and ran, pushing past ponies as he anxiously galloped back for the safety of home. All the while the rain continued to fall with growing rapidity so much so that even though Thorax was refreshing his disguise constantly, it had begun to fluctuate into a mass of sparkling cyan as it was constantly bombarded by the strange weather. But finally, the sign of Fly Leaf’s shop came into view, and Thorax burst through the front door just in time to stave off a complete collapse of his disguise. He came to an immediate and skidding halt however when he saw with shock the shop was already filled with a group of royal guards, in the process of arresting a very defiant looking Fly Leaf sitting in the messy middle of a spilled tray of coffee mugs, suggesting Fly had not gone into the cuffs that now adorned her hooves without a fight. The whole group turned to stare at Thorax as the still-disguised (but only just) changeling froze before them, but it was Fly Leaf’s dark expression gazing at him that caught his attention the most.

Qui valde malum caballionem est?” she uttered firmly but cryptically.

Thorax just stared at her in shock for a moment, but began to back away as the guards all jointly proceeded to converge upon him. He kept doing so until he started to step back out the still-open front door and jolted as he felt the rain pelt against his flank again, once more wearing away at his disguise that was supposed to shield him from discovery. Knowing he couldn’t stay in the shop without being captured though, Thorax decided to take the gamble and spun around and galloped straight back out the door and into the rain…

…and right back into the midst of the changeling invasion of Canterlot, with swarms of his fellow changelings falling down upon the city to attack precisely as he remembered, except now it had taken a startlingly morbid twist as Thorax, no longer disguised, was again scampering to a halt, finding himself before the terrifying sight of Queen Chrysalis. She towered over him, cackling as red blood dripped from the tip of the jagged horn, while Thorax could see the nondescript form of her probable victim lying limp just behind her. Frightened, Thorax immediately started to backpedal away from his former queen as she viciously started to advance upon him. He would’ve kept going if his lack of attention to his new surroundings hadn’t allowed him to miss the blast crater in the street behind him until his back hooves slipped over the edge and Thorax tumbled into it, plummeting down into the bottom of the hole.

Picking himself back up and half-terrified that Queen Chrysalis would be following him, Thorax instead found his surroundings had yet again changed and now he stood in a dark expanse. It was dark enough that he couldn’t be certain of the area’s dimensions, of where the edges started and stopped, but it was light enough that he could see there were numerous figures standing in long rows on either side of him. Their shapes were dark and vague and hard to make out. Thorax could at least see they were quadrupedal and equine-shaped, but he couldn’t tell if they were pony, or changeling, or neither. He could barely make out any identifying traits about any of them at all, in fact.

The only clear trait he could pick out was the fact that their faces were all turned to face the same direction, looking at something far ahead of Thorax with an engrossed intensity that eventually the perplexed changeling thought to follow their gaze. He saw that, straight ahead a hundred or more feet, was a bright and pure light, marred only by the shape of a figure standing before it. Because of the light shining behind the figure, said figure was cast in a complete silhouette, so much so all of the figure’s visible features were in the blackest of shadows. Nonetheless, the outstretched gossamer wings Thorax could pick out were more than enough to identify the figure as a changeling, but he was no mere drone. He bore a tall and towering height similar to that of Queen Chrysalis, but also bore a pair of tall and arching antlers with lightly jagged edges upon his head, such defining traits of what sort of changeling he was that Thorax couldn’t help but ogle a little at him.

He was a king changeling—the rare male changeling leader, so much so it had been many generations since changeling history had been able to take note of one even existing, long enough ago that most of the stories surrounding the last king changeling almost seemed more legend than fact.

He was also moving steadily further away from Thorax.

Bubbling with questions though, Thorax kept his eyes locked on this prestigious figure and started moving towards him, first at a timid walk before stepping up to a trot, then finally a full gallop. Yet no matter how fast or how far Thorax went, the silhouette of the king changeling never seemed to get any closer and, if anything, only seemed to be getting further away still. Thorax couldn’t seem to catch up to him. For a few moments all of Thorax’s attention was on this figure, anxious to try and pursue him, wondering why this esteemed specter of a figure was present at all so much so that he didn’t dare let his focus wander.

But eventually that niggling sensation in the back of his head came back, stronger this time. That sense that something was wrong. That something wasn’t at all right. Thorax frowned and slowed to a stop and began to survey the crowds of shadowy figures that were still standing in rows along either side of him, searching for an explanation. He felt with a growing urgency that it was important, that he had to find the source of this disruption, and quickly, or he would be in far more trouble than he already was. It was a sense of grave danger; that something was trying to intrude upon him…

…that something here—right here—did not belong.

And then his eyes locked upon it. One of the shadowy figures standing in the row to his left, a couple of rows back from where he stood. The figure looked no different from all the rest—just as shadowy and nondescript as the others. Nothing at all stood out about it, at least not visually. But somehow Thorax knew. Somehow he just knew this figure didn’t belong. Something was amiss about it. And as Thorax continued to stare at this particular figure, the figure suddenly seemed to realize Thorax was watching it and became the first figure to turn away from the direction all the others were looking to peer back at Thorax…and immediately go wide-eyed and suddenly dart away from the scene, attempting to flee.

It was all Thorax needed, and he immediately darted after it in pursuit, forgetting about everything else around him and focusing on this one intruder, throwing himself through the row of shadowy figures to try and get at the fleeing stranger. Only the other figures, somehow without moving, all started to seem to crowd closer together, hindering Thorax’s ability to break through. Not willing to let the strange figure get away though, Thorax took to the air, his wings buzzing as he shot straight upwards before letting his training as a hive invader take over and going into a steep dive, accelerating rapidly as he aimed right at the fleeing figure. Within moments it was clear that he would easily overtake the outsider trying to flee on hoof, and Thorax braced himself to tackle the figure. But then his aim started to waver, and before Thorax could figure out what was happening, the world suddenly flipped upside-down, gravity reversed, and Thorax started to spiral out of control while the very fabric of reality warped and tore before his eyes.

With a jolt, Thorax awoke, bolting upright in his sleeping nest.

Heart racing, he surveyed the dark room quickly, seeing that it was very late at night, probably early predawn now, with Spike snoring softly at his usual spot on the window seat, blissfully oblivious. It was all just an intense dream. Nothing was wrong.

And yet, everything was wrong. The sensation in the back of Thorax’s skull was still buzzing in alarm, and now that Thorax was awake he could focus his attention more to it. The perception was warning him that something was wrong, that his very being had been threatened and that he still needed to be on guard or risk it happening again. It wasn’t the only sensation he was aware of too; he also felt mildly violated, like something had tried, but failed, to intrude upon something very deep within his soul, someplace no one but himself should ever try to be. But he also felt jarred, emotively out of balance and pumped full with adrenaline as the faint echoes of thoughts and feelings started to flutter up into view of his conscious mind, thoughts and feelings that were foreign and didn’t belong…

…like he had just pulled out of a mental link with someone else.

Even more alarmed now, Thorax was out of his nest in an instant, his horn alight and ready to defend himself as he immediately began to search the room again, this time both visually and magically, convinced there was an intruder lurking nearby. But the only living thing other than himself in the room was just Spike. Not reassured, Thorax expanded his magical search to scan the whole building, even some of the immediate area around it. But again he only found Spike, as well as Fly Leaf asleep in her own bed across the hall. Literally the only other living things Thorax could sense in range besides himself was a small potted fern Fly Leaf kept on the sill of the kitchen window, and a lone rat scampering through the alley that ran behind the building. Even when Thorax attempted to expand his scan further still, beyond the range for maximum accuracy he could guarantee for the spell, so to include adjacent buildings, even most of the street they were on, Thorax saw nothing amiss. Just other ponies and creatures sleeping the night away; none of them were in any type of position to have recently tried to intrude upon Thorax’s mental scape, and he quickly realized many of them wouldn’t even have the capability anyway.

If he was right about the sort of feat someone had just tried to pull…

No less reassured, Thorax quickly turned to Spike and began to shake him awake. “Spike, wake up!” he coaxed urgently in a harsh whisper, afraid he might be overheard. “We might have a very big problem!”

Spike stirred and grumpily frowned, swatting away Thorax’s hooves and sat up. “What?” he grunted, rubbing at his eyes. “What’s got you all riled up?”

Thorax anxiously looked around the room in case there were any intruders trying to listen in. “Sorry, it’s just…if I’m right about this…”

“Thorax, what’s wrong?” Spike repeated, trying to urge his friend to get to the point.

Thorax locked eyes with Spike again, and suddenly realized he wasn’t sure how to explain it in terms the dragon could understand. “Okay,” he began, endeavoring to try to the best of his abilities. “I had this dream…”

“You woke me up over a dream?” Spike interrupted grumpily. “I thought this was supposed to be important.”

It is!” Thorax hissed. “I was in the middle of this dream, but then everything starts going awry and I started to sense something was very wrong, that something was there with me who shouldn’t be—” he shook his head and just blurted it out. “Spike, I think someone just tried to force a mental link with me while I was sleeping and without my knowledge or permission.”

Spike blinked at him blankly, but rapidly realization sank in and now he went wide-eyed too. “Who?” he asked in the same harsh whisper as Thorax, as he too was afraid to be overheard.

“That’s just it, I don’t know,” Thorax confessed. “They were there, they were trying, but I think I was instinctively sensing the danger and was trying to block them…when I started to realize what was happening, they fled and pulled out, collapsing whatever of the link they had formed, but…”

“Sounds like they weren’t successful,” Spike reasoned, relieved for this much.

“No, but that’s just the tip of our problems,” Thorax stated. “There’s nobody on our street that I can find that was in any position or capability of trying a stunt like this, and that worries me, because then that tells me whoever was trying this was trying to do it long distance.”

Spike did a double-take. “That can be done?” he asked.

“I didn’t think so, but how else can you explain it?” Thorax said, and he began to pace anxiously. “When I woke up, I could feel all the usual tell-tale sensations as if I had just pulled out of a mental link, but I shouldn’t be feeling that, not while I’m deeply asleep! Someone was trying to break into my mental scape without my permission, but I can’t begin to figure out who.” His pupiless eyes bulged in fear. “I don’t even know who’d even have that sort of capability!”

He would’ve ranted on, but Spike, seeing the changeling was about to dissolve into a panic attack, quickly hopped out of his makeshift bed and hurried over to stop Thorax, hugging him around the torso. “Shh,” he urged, trying to calm his friend down. “Just relax Thorax. Losing your head isn’t going to help sort this out.”

“Okay,” Thorax said, nodding as he attempted to take big, calming, breaths. “Okay, okay, okay…”

Spike waited until Thorax’s breathing had returned to more normal levels before continuing. “Now,” he began, pulling out of the hug to stand before Thorax. “Let’s look at this logically—what can you tell me about this…attempted mind intruder?”

Thorax searched his mind for any useful data he could relate. He was immediately frustrated by how startlingly little he was finding, but he pressed deeper still, and soon he was able to at least deduce some barebones basics. “…whoever it was, they clearly hoped they would go unnoticed and do all of this secretly,” he began to reason. “They were not anticipating me noticing them so easily…that much was obvious as I realized they were there and trying…”

“That’s a start,” Spike prompted with a reassuring nod, and motioned for the changeling to continue. “What else?”

Thorax sighed. “It’s hard to know…I had the sense of awareness to tell they were there, to defend myself against invasions to my mental scape such as this, but…I was so focused on determining the source of it all…” he shook his head, but then promptly paused. “I think they were trying to gain access to my thoughts, and I mean my deep thoughts, beyond the surface of my subconscious that they only seemed to have gotten as far as before I caught onto them…but I can’t be sure for what reasons and what they wanted or were looking for…or even if they were aware of who or what I am…when I discovered them…they seemed…surprised…” He pressed his hooves to his eyes in frustration. “It’s hard to explain…I could just feel that they didn’t expect this to happen.”

“Well, that’s somewhat reassuring at least,” Spike reasoned levelly. “If this guy or whatever seemed unaware you were telepathic and had the ability to fight back, that would suggest they didn’t already know you had that skill.” He thought for a moment, tapping his chin with one claw. “Could this all possibly have just been a random attack? That whoever was trying this had no idea who you were before trying?”

“…maybe,” Thorax relented, realizing this was a distinct possibility.

Spike shrugged. “Then maybe whoever this was realized they were trying to bite off more than they could chew with you and won’t try it again,” he suggested.

“Or they could,” Thorax reasoned back, not comforted.

“Thorax, what could they have possibly been looking for in your mind, anyway?”

Thorax had to consider that for a moment. “Information, I suppose…either that or get deep inside to plant a foreign thought…”

“But you told me once that it was extremely hard to plant such a lie and still be able to have one’s mind believe it to be true.”

“It is.”

“Then searching for information would probably the more likely motive, wouldn’t it?”

Thorax hesitated, but realized Spike was probably right. “It probably would.”

“Then…what information could they even want?

“Oh, I don’t know,” Thorax replied sarcastically. “Maybe just any information that could be used to track you or me down considering we’re both outcasts on the run from the law.”

Except,” Spike reminded patiently, “you said you were fairly certain they didn’t even realize who you were or what your mental skills are capable of. Shouldn’t that suggest they didn’t have any clue who you were already? Why would they go searching for information like that if they didn’t already know something about who you are?” He paused to look Thorax over, seeing if this was helping reassure him any. “Look, to the best of your knowledge, were they even able to get at any information or anything they shouldn’t have within your mind? Anything that might have given us away?”

Thorax thought about it for a moment. “…no. Nothing definitive, at least.”

Spike sighed. “Then…I think we’re better off assuming this was just a random attack for some bigger scheme by somebody that had selected you at random without realizing what they were getting themselves into, and due to the failure, won’t want to try it again without risking discovery.”

“But how is that any better?” Thorax whined. “That just suggests that, whoever this was, they’ll just turn around and try it on some other poor soul that won’t be able to fight back! I’m not okay with that Spike!”

“I’m not either, but what do you expect us to do about it?” Spike argued. “We can’t go to the police with this, they’ll just ask too many questions, and then we’ll be the ones who are caught, and it’s not like we’ve got any solid evidence anyway! Just a frightened changeling who felt like somebody tried to invade his mind! We don’t even have ideas who this was or where to find them.” His gaze softened, sympathizing. “Look, Thorax, I believe you, but who else would with what little information that we have? And what can we do about it, except stay on guard and hope it doesn’t happen again anyway?”

Thorax sighed. He hated it, but he knew Spike had a point. “You’re right,” he admitted. “I guess there’s not really a lot we could do about it.” He shuddered involuntarily. “It just…unsettles me that someone actually tried to break into my mind…” he gazed seriously at Spike. “And if even your mind isn’t safe…then what is?”

Spike gazed back, still looking sympathizing but not knowing what else he could say despite wishing he did. “You going to be okay?” he asked.

Thorax sighed again. “I hope so,” he replied. “I just don’t know how I’m going get back to sleep tonight.”

Spike clambered back onto the window seat to go back to sleep, but he kept a close eye on Thorax. “Well, I’m just going to be right here, so…if you need anything…”

“I know,” Thorax said, nodding his head. He forced a grin. “I just…need a few moments to…to sort this out and calm down a little.” He lowered his gaze again, but when he had lifted it again, his grin was a bit more sincere. “Hey, thanks…thanks for your reassurances…they do help.”

“Hey, you woke me up in the middle of the night all in a panic about something that may not even be as big a problem as you want to make it out to be,” Spike pointed out as he laid back down and settled down under his covers. “I’ve had plenty of experience dealing with that with Twilight over the years like you wouldn’t believe.”

Thorax laughed, then quietly sat and watched as Spike drifted back to sleep, glad he could count on his friend. Nonetheless, he was still left unsettled and kept reviewing the whole incident again and again in his head after returning to his own sleeping nest. Who would try something like this, let alone have the skill and ability to do it? Was there really even a danger at all? Maybe he did just imagine it all…it was a fairly intense dream, and he knew dreams could be plenty misleading about his perception of reality in the heat of the moment before, making him think one thing had happened when it actually hadn’t…but never had a dream triggered such sensations within his very mental abilities before…surely that meant his fears couldn’t all be unfounded, could they?

Ultimately Thorax had to settle upon the fact that he didn’t know what to think, and agree that Spike had been right. There was little they could do about it. For now, the best Thorax could do was keep on guard, and hope it didn’t happen again.