Ponyville Public Access

by Justice3442


Bulk Bicep's NUTS

Starlight, Trixie, and Spike share a couch in Twilight’s castle’s ‘T.V. room’ as each has their own bag of nuts in front of them. They stare at the T.V. Spike and Starlight starting with looks of detached interest, Trixie looking on with confusion.

"So… This is what you two do to kill time in the castle?” Trixie asked. “You just sit here and watch whatever inanity pops on the… television, was it?”

Starlight shoots Trixie a dirty look.

Spike also turns to glare at Trixie. “Well sure, it sounds stupid when you say it.”

Trixie frowns. “Don’t you mean, ‘when you say it like that?”

"Naw,” Spike replies. “I know what I said.”

Starlight giggles to herself as Trixie’s face tightens into an irritated scowl. “The Grrrrrreat and POWERFUL TRIXIE, is happy to turn you into a tea-cup or even tea-cup dragon if you keep this sass up.”

Spike rolls his eyes. “I live with Starlight and Twilight and have already have been a dog twice, Trixie. A unicorn hanging around me who might turn me into some unnatural horror is what I call existence.” Spike rubbed his chin. “Still… with three crazy, magic-using ponies in one castle, threatening to destroy me and everything I love, it’s a nice reminder I should hang out with a certain mare again sometime.”

“What?!” Starlight snaps. “I am not crazy!”

Trixie and Spike turn to stare blankly at Starlight briefly, then turn back towards each other.

"So anyways…” Spike continues.

“Hey!” Starlight growls. “Don’t ignore me!”

"Give it chance,” Spike says as he completely ignores Starlight, “It’s like a window into the somewhat-psychotic side of Ponyville.”

Trixie’s brow tightens slightly. “… I thought Twilight and her friends where the somewhat-psychotic side of Ponyville.”

Starlight’s brow creased forward. “Does that include me?”

Spike shakes his head at Trixie. “No… It’s pretty much everypony.”

"Huh…” Trixie turned towards the screen with a bit more interest. “You have Trixie’s attention.”

“Seriously!” Starlight snapped. “Does that include me?!”

Trixie reaches over with a forehoof and places it in front of Starlight, shushing her. “Quiet, Twilight-lite.”

Starlight growls in frustration.

"The madness is starting,” Trixie finished.

On the T.V. screen, Bulk Biceps stands in front of his nut cart, DJ-P0N3 off to the side with her hooves on her turntables as she spun up a tune worthy of delicious cinnamon nuts. What follows is a scene jumping, skipping, and flipping production complete with bizarre stuttering and a nearly tangible remixed effect to the whole affair.

“HEY! IT'S BULK WITH CINNAMON NUTS!
FILLIES! YOU'RE GONNA LOVE MY NUTS!
STALLIONS! YOU'RE GONNA LOVE MY NUTS!
MY NUTS ARE ON EVERYONE'S LIPS
MY NUTS WON'T GO STRAIGHT TO YOUR HIPS
WATCH THIS, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE MY NUTS!
STEP RIGHT UP, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE MY NUTS!
BULK BICEPS' NUTS, IN A BIG FAT SACK
TRY MY NUTS, YOU'LL KEEP COMING BACK”

"What in the name of Celestia..." Starlight said in a quavering tone.

In the doorway, a shimmering mane of pastel colors drifted in followed by the alabaster alicorn the mane was attached to. "I should be getting royalties for that," Celestia muttered. She glanced down at the two shocked unicorns on the couch and one non-pulsed dragon. "Ooh, are those cinnamon nuts?"


Giggling in a random guest room of the castle, Pinkie Pie and another Pinkie Pie exchanged a hoofbump. "You were right," one Pinkie says. "That joke just keeps getting funnier every time!

“I know, right?"

Author’s notes take two: And if you liked Bulk’s delicious nuts, you’ll LOVE having him in a tight spot!