//------------------------------// // Job Hunt // Story: Cheer On // by GWFan //------------------------------// Fixing leaks on a roof wasn’t too overly complicated. Cheerilee picked it up right away and after strapping on a tool belt, was helping Storm Drain and Derpy Hooves fix the second house on the list. However… “Of course. I get that,” Derpy said to Cheerilee. “I’ve been making muffins for years, but I don’t really know why what I do makes them so good. Whenever other ponies make them they often come out kind of rubbery but I don’t know how to explain why.” “I’ll tell you why,” Cheerilee happily replied. “The real secret to making muffins is that you don’t stir the batter too much. I’ll bet you are so used to making muffins that you whiz through the directions without even realizing that you’re doing that.” “I guess so, but why is that?” “Once flour is mixed with wet ingredients, strands of gluten protein in the flour stretch out and link up with other protein molecules. The more you mix, the stronger this gluten matrix becomes. Now, if you wanted to make a bagel, a strong matrix is just right, but with muffins, the texture should be more delicate. That’s why you mix dry ingredients in one bowl and wet ingredients in another. Do you understand now?” “Yes, I get it! The science of muffins compels me!” Derpy cried before going silent a moment. “What’s a gluten matrix?” “Gluten is a protein composite-” “Excuse me!” Storm Drain interjected. “I know something else that’s mixing too much.” Cheerilee and Derpy both stared at him, waiting expectantly for what he was about to say. Storm Drain groaned. “I’m talking about the two of you. Am I supposed to fix this roof by myself? You’ve been standing there with the nails we need for like three minutes now.” Both mares blushed and hurried over to the section of roof that needed repairing. They had already spent some time removing the old nails and Storm Drain had already laid the ice and storm shield. The only thing remaining was to place the flashing and start nailing the shingle layers in. After bringing the nails, Cheerilee and Derpy went about the task of setting the flashing by hammering out lead buns from scrap pieces of lead. Storm Drain hadn’t been kidding about the tedious work, but at least it was a job. Content that they were doing the job right, Storm started setting the first layer of shingles down. “So heating makes solids turn to liquids right?” Derpy suddenly asked around a mouthful of hammer. Cheerilee stopped hammering and nodded, impressed with Derpy’s sudden knowledge. “Then why do muffins form the way they do when you bake them? Batter is a liquid so why does it turn into a solid?” Cheerilee spit out the hammer in her mouth, a certain sparkle igniting in her eyes. “That’s a very astute observation. I’m proud of you. During baking, leavening forms carbon dioxide, the egg and flour proteins and flour starches stretch to hold the little bubbles, then the heat coagulates or sets the proteins and starches around the little air bubbles, and browning occurs.” A variable question mark appeared above Derpy’s head. “I don’t really get what that has to do with my question.” “Well in all actuality, I’m not sure you can necessarily say that better is a true liquid. Because of its ingredients, it becomes a proteineous liquid, which means it has many proteins in it. Proteins are long chains of amino acids, and when you heat them, it changes the structure by breaking the force of attraction between the molecules.” Derpy nodded slowly. “The science of muffins compels me again and kind of confuses me at the same time. I thought I knew everything about muffins but you know so much more. I didn’t even know about all this albino acid stuff.” “You mean amino acid. Amino acids are molecules containing an amine group, a carboxylic acid and a side-chain that varies between different amino acids.” “I don’t know about varying,” Storm Drain suddenly said from behind them. “But my side-chain seems to be deviating from their respective task.” Cheerilee smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry again. Although I have to say that that was a fairly accurate analogy of side-chains you used there.” “I minored in molecular biology. Are you two going to talk muffins and molecules all day or are you going to work?” “Sorry about that again, again,” Cheerilee apologized. “Derpy talks about muffins enough without you encouraging her.” “That’s cause muffins are magic,” Derpy put in. “And now I know they’re scientifical too. Thanks Cheer!” “You’re welcome,” Cheerilee replied happily. “Always glad to instill new knowledge in my students.” “We’re not here to learn, we’re here to work. Well you’re here to learn but you’re doing pretty good so far,” Storm Drain said, pointing at Cheerilee. “Get some more shingle sheets you two and I’ll set the flashing.” Cheerilee and Derpy looked at each other and shrugged. It seemed like Storm Drain was doing most of the work and bossed them around otherwise. Determined to keep her job this time, Cheerilee carefully tread up the slanted roof to where they had brought up all their shingles earlier. The very top of the roof happened to be level, so it was safe to set them up there. “We only need a few more rows. How many should we bring?” Cheerilee asked Derpy. The grey pegasus however wasn’t really paying attention. Her eyes stared off into space, in two different directions of course, as if she were thinking about something. Eventually she said, “Muffins are muffins, right?” “I’m not sure what you mean.” “Bread is bread, pancakes are pancakes, so muffins are muffins, right?” “Oh, I see what you’re saying,” Cheerilee said, handing Derpy a few shingles. “You’re asking what muffins actually are?” Derpy nodded as Cheerilee gave her more shingles. “Muffins are actually a type of quick bread.” “So… they’re fast?” “No, no. A quick bread is a type of bread leavened with a leavening agent other than yeast. Or at least they do now. Now that I think about it, traditionally, muffins were originally made with yeast. But changes in culture, the introduction of the specialty food shop, and the rise of coffee contributed to the changes in the ways ponies made muffins.” “Um… Cheerilee?” “Mass produced muffins made quite an impact on the ingredients because of the addition of preservatives and the growing expectation that muffins don’t have to go stale a few hours after baking them.” “Cheerilee…?” “Of course we all know that they don’t taste nearly as good as home-made, which is why Ponyville residents still prefers the traditional style over these so called new-age muffins. That in itself helped boost the gourmet snacks ponies expect to accompany gourmet coffee, since those muffins are considerably larger than the original style of muffins.” “Cheerilee!” Derpy wailed. “Um, um, um…” Cheerilee realized that Derpy was beginning to tip over backwards. During her lecture, Cheerilee had continued to put shingles in Derpy’s hooves without thinking and the poor pegasus was overloaded and now threatening to fall down the side of the roof with her haul. As Derpy fell on her back, Cheerilee dove and grabbed her tail in an attempt to stop her from sliding the rest of the way down. However, the jolt of Derpy’s sudden stop jarred the shingles out of her hooves and they went sliding down the slanted roof right to where Storm Drain was trying to set the flashing. He let out a brief scream before the piles of shingles struck him and sent him sliding down the roof and over the edge. Cheerilee and Derpy both cringed when they heard the sound of Storm Drain smacking against the ground below. They cringed further when the shingles slid off the roof after him and they heard him cry out upon impact. “Did we kill him?” Derpy asked in fear as a single hammer dropped from her tool belt, slid down the slanted roof and over the side where Storm made another noise as it hit him. “No… sounds like he’s still alive…,” Cheerilee answered slowly. “I think it would be best to fetch some assistance.” “That’s even better advice than the one about the glue matriarch.” Fortunately, it just so happened that the roof they were fixing belonged to Nurse Redheart. Storm Drain would require a full body cast but otherwise was going to be just fine. “I’m so sorry, Storm Drain. It was my fault you had that accident. If I hadn’t been so intent on lecturing, this wouldn’t have happened.” “No, it’s my fault,” Derpy insisted. “If I wasn’t so intent on the science of muffins, this wouldn’t have happened.” “Don’t worry about it. I don’t blame either of you. Individually anyway.” Cheerilee and Derpy both lowered their heads and silently sulked. Redheart sighed. “I suppose I don’t need to tell you, but you’re not going to be working for quite a while, Storm Drain.” “Yeah, I know. And neither is the company.” “What? What do you mean?” Cheerilee asked. “Fixing leaks is one thing but that re-roofing project we were supposed to have tomorrow is another entirely. City ordinance requires that at least one registered lead be present at any large construction project, even if all it is is replacing shingles. Roof Master and I were the only two ponies qualified and with both of us out of commission, well…,” “Does… does this mean…?” Cheerilee couldn’t finish the sentence, but Storm Drain had no such reservations. “I’m afraid everyone is going to be laid off until the two of us heal.” “Oh no. I’ve already lost another job. And I cost the job of several other ponies. I’m so sorry, Storm Drain.” “Can’t be helped at this point. I guess the schoolhouse is just going to have to delay the project for now.” Cheerilee forgot her sorrow for a moment and slowly stared at him. “The schoolhouse? We were going to re-roof the school?” “Yeah, but what’s done is done. They’re just going to have to wait.” “You’re sure it’s the schoolhouse? The elementary school?” “Yeah, I’m positive. Why?” That certainly was strange. If the school was in the middle of a budget crisis then how could it afford a project like that? “Well… never mind. I suppose it’s none of my business anymore. They must have saved a lot of money firing the other teachers and me.” “Wait, you’re that Cheerilee? The one from the school?” Storm Drain asked in sudden recognition. Cheerilee nodded. How many other Cheerilee’s were there in Ponyville? “You’re my daughter’s teacher. She loves you. I didn’t know you got fired.” “I guess times change. Don’t worry about me. I’ll find another job somehow.” Cheerilee said her goodbye and thanks to Storm Drain before turning to the grey pegasus in the room. “What about you, Derpy? Want to come job hunting with me?” “Thanks for the offer but I don’t need to. I already have like four other jobs.” “You do?” Cheerilee said in astonishment. “Yep. Mailmare, moving mare, weather mare, something else I don’t remember off the top of my head and might be late for actually. I live a very active life.” “How did you get so many jobs?” “Cause I work for muffins.” “Oh… How does that work out for you?” “Pretty good. I get paid in other stuff too. Has something to do with tax write-offs I guess. You wouldn’t believe how many upscale parties I get invited too. I go all over the place. I even went across the boarder into Ponyland once or twice. There’s this amazing place called Dream Valley that’s like its own little paradise.” “Yes, I’ve actually been there once,” Cheerilee replied, remembering her old college days again. But that thought just reminded her of her teaching career. Maybe the school would let her back if she worked for muffins. Then again, considering who Derpy was, that might have been some kind of special arrangement. Cheerilee didn’t think anypony but Derpy could live off muffins. After walking outside, Cheerilee sighed and glanced at the sun. Only about ten thirty. She had managed to keep the job a few hours longer than her waitressing one, but to lose three jobs in two days was more than depressing. Who knew working outside of your trained profession could be so difficult. “I can’t really be that worthless can I?” she said to herself. “Don’t say things like that Cheerilee. You have to remain positive. Getting down is just going to…,” But it was all she could feel at the moment other than a strange itching on her flank. It was as if her cutie mark was trying to yell at her too. Cheerilee sat down in the middle of the street and silently sulked. What was wrong with her? This wasn’t like her at all. Cheerilee perked her ears when a quartet of ponies on the corner of the street suddenly started playing musical instruments and one of them began to sing. Poor Cheerilee, please don’t give up You must have hope, a spring in your step It’s all about they way you work If you don’t, you’ll look like a jerk Take it from us, you’ll find the way It just takes time and curds and way Heeeeeeeeeey Heeeeeeeeeey. Cheerilee smiled. “Thank you, random wandering minstrels. I feel strangely better now.” “You’re welcome,” the four minstrels said together and pointed to a cup sitting in front of them. Cheerilee smiled sheepishly and dropped two bits in the cup. “It’s getting to the point where I’m losing money. But the minstrels are right. It just takes time and curds and way… whatever that means…,” Not quite sure what that last line meant, Cheerilee shrugged and decided it would be best to move along and search for her next job. As long as that job wasn’t teaching, unfortunately. Cheerilee stared at the sky. “I certainly hope my… I mean the new teacher’s students are enjoying their lessons.” That thought in mind, Cheerilee told herself that her students were fine as long as they still had a teacher, even if it wasn’t her. “Who can answer this math problem on the board?” Plum asked the class. Twist quickly raised her hoof as she always did, but this time Plum sighed and shook her head. “Put your hoof down. We all know how smart you are, Mud. You’ve already answered every question I’ve asked today.” “Um, Ms. Plum?” Twist asked rather pitifully. “My name is not really-” But Plum ignored her and focused her eyes on another student. “How about you Scootaloo? Does your smart mouth have an answer for me?” Twist slumped in her chair and whispered to Apple Bloom. “I still can’t believe you told her my name is Mud.” “I didn’t know she’d believe me.” “No answer from the clown eh? Not even anything funny to say, eh?” Plum said a bit too sarcastically as Scootaloo frowned sourly and blushed at her inability to answer the question. Plum twisted her head sharply to the opposite side of the class. “You in the back! Tall Kid! Can you answer the question?” “At least it’s better than poor Snips and Snails over there,” Apple Bloom whispered. Plum had stopped asking for names after Sweetie Belle. The two young unicorn colts were currently known as Chubby and Tall Kid. “Apple Bloom!” Plum suddenly shouted after Snails had failed to answer the question. Apple Bloom sat up straight. “Yes?” Plum pushed her glasses further up her nose and examined her. “Hmm… No. You couldn’t even remember your own name.” Then she turned away and walked back to the chalkboard. “Told ya she’d think I’m the dumb kid.” “Sorry,” Twist apologized. “Well!” Plum said, pointing at the board. “Since none of you except for Mud can answer this question, it looks like I’m going to have to assign extra homework today.” “I miss Cheerilee,” Twist said miserably. “Tell me about it.” Plum looked around the room for a moment as if deciding something and abruptly pulled a saddlebag out from behind her desk. Reaching inside, she pulled out a small stack of papers. “Fortunately, I anticipated this and already took the liberty of writing up your extra homework.” The unanimous groan the classroom uttered may very well have been heard in the next room over, but Plum ignored it and went about passing out the papers, balancing on her back hooves and holding them in her forelegs. Each paper she placed seemed to come with an extra appraisal by her sharp eyes on whichever student she happened to be standing in front of. Even Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon seemed quite intimidated by her glare. As she came to Apple Bloom, she took an extra long gaze before pulling out a paper from the bottom of the pile. “Don’t disappoint me, Apple Bloom,” she said rather harshly. “You’d better finish every last question before tomorrow.” Why did she have to go and say that? Apple Bloom took the paper without meeting Plum’s eyes and laid it on her desk. She glanced at the first problem. Several seconds later, she realized she was staring at it. Word problem! Anything but that! It didn’t look very easy either. In fact, she didn’t see any of the keywords Cheerilee had been discussing since the week before. Plum grunted after passing out the last paper and getting back down on all fours. “It’s way too awkward walking around like that. Be a better class and don’t make me do that again, would you?” She reached around and held her back, apparently in pain. Diamond Tiara snickered. “What was that?” Plum suddenly shouted at her. “Laughing at your teacher are you? “Not really,” Diamond lied, smiling smugly. “I see. The snotty brat type, are we?” Plum said with something that looked like a grin but possibly more devilish. Diamond gaped at her. “Spoiled rotten by daddy and thinking you can get away with anything, eh? Let’s see what detention has to say about that.” “Detention!? But I’ve never had detention before!” “First time fore everything, sister. Welcome to real life.” Plum appeared more proud then was really necessary. “No way! You can’t send me to detention for that.” “That’s what you think. Keep up the backtalk and it’ll be double detention.” Diamond started to say something but instead clinched her mouth shut and growled. Even though Apple Bloom didn’t get along with Diamond, she couldn’t help but feel that it wasn’t really her fault. Looking at her sit there, her face red with anger and a hint of tears beginning to form in her eyes, Apple Bloom actually felt bad for her. True she was a bit of a bully but she really hadn’t ever had detention before. “Ms. Plum?” Twist suddenly raised her hoof. Plum openly groaned. “What Mud? Do you have something else to say today?” she said sharply. Twist slunk down. “Never mind.” “That’s better.” Again, Plum looked way too proud of herself. Then she busily wrote a random equation on the board. “Who can answer this one?” Apple Bloom stared at the problem. y = -3x - 2 and 6x + 2y = -4. Cheerilee had never taught anything like that before and Ms. Plum hadn’t gone over this either. What were they even supposed to do with it? This was so much harder than times tables. After a few seconds, Twist raised her hoof. Plum however, glared at her. “Put your hoof down, Mud.” Looking quite hurt, Twist retracted her hoof and slouched. “Sweetie Belle, what’s the answer?” Sweetie Belle stiffened from where she was sitting next to Silver Spoon in the front row. She stared at the problem and gulped. “Um… 3?” “Ha! That’s a stupid answer. Did you even look at it?” Plum mocked. “Uh… uh…,” Sweetie visibly sweat, still staring at the question. “I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do,” she finally admitted. “So in other words you’re wearing the dunce cap today. What students.” Plum shook her head. “Anyone else care to give the right answer?” No one moved. Only silence greeted the impatient teacher. Then finally, a hoof meekly rose, accompanied by a hopeful smile by a certain red-haired filly. Plum groaned. “Fine. Mud?” “1 and -5.” Twist said proudly. Plum looked at Twist with a raised eyebrow. “I don’t know why but something about your voice is very irritating.” Twist gaped for a moment in shock before silently slumping down in her desk. When Plum erased the board and asked her next question, Twist didn’t even move. Apple Bloom laid her head down on her desk. “This. Is the meanest. Teacher. Ever.” Apple Bloom watched as Plum chucked an eraser across the room to get a sleeping Snips’ attention, hitting him straight in the eye. “Don’t they have laws against teachers like this?” This was going to be the worst school year ever too if Apple Bloom stayed on Plum’s dirt list… along with the rest of the class apparently. Apple Bloom lifted her head and realized she was lying on her homework sheet. Maybe that would be the ticket. If she could impress Plum with a good homework grade, then maybe things would get a little better. Apple Bloom made up her mind and decided to try her darndest for a perfect homework score. Cheerilee stood stock-still as her latest employer stuck a pink slip in her mouth. “Look, I’m sorry, but I can’t have you telling my customers what they should and should not buy. Even worse, I can’t have you suggesting other stores for better deals… on everything,” he said, motioning inside his store. “Yes, but… the prices here are rather high, and common sense and logic dictates-” “I sell high-end and organic food. It’s supposed to be a little more expensive.” “Wouldn’t it be wiser to lower your prices a little to match the comparative advantage? It would greatly benefit you by nature of the law of demand as well.” “I don’t care about whatever the heck it is you just said. I want to make a profit.” “But that is what I just said.” “Just leave. You’re already fired anyway.” “But the way you currently run your business won’t even net you a competitive market equilibrium. Especially considering that Sweet Apple Acres has virtually cornered the market on organic food along with decent productive efficiency and-” Slam! Apparently, Cheerilee’s advice would be ignored today. “I’m just trying to help you stay in business!” she called, though she realized she probably should have discussed that with him before she started advising his customers. “Another job lost.” Cheerilee ho-hummed, wondering just how she had become so good at losing jobs. How could she have lost so many before noon? As she started to search for her next job, Cheerilee was surprised to see the same four minstrels from earlier that day, lined up across the street. Their strange felt hats and tunic-like garbs made them stand out among the rest of the inhabitants of Ponyville who usually didn’t wear anything on a normal day like this. Each of them had a cutie mark related to a not so common instrument they held in their hooves. One of them had a flageolet, another a kettledrum, another strangely enough had bagpipes, and the one that had sang earlier held a cittern. As soon as they saw her, they nodded their heads and started to play another song. Poor Cheerilee, you failed so hard Take it from these simple bards You took up the task and looked like a dope You messed up real bad, you slipped on the soap What were you thinking you silly dope? Heeeeeeeeeey Heeeeeeeeeey. “Curse you, wandering minstrels!” Cheerilee shouted, throwing a rock at them. “That wasn’t encouraging at all. In fact I would say it was snide and disparaging.” “Hey, calm down, lady. You’re looking kind of frazzled,” the minstrel with the cittern said unfazed. “Frazzled? Of course I’m frazzled. I can’t seem to keep a job to save my life. In fact it is about saving my life.” “Is it really that serious?” the one with the bagpipes asked. “Of course it is! Do you have any idea how an economy works? Do you know how the circular flow of income works?” The four minstrels remained silent and looked at one another. “I’ll tell you then! The economy we live in is controlled almost entirely by the income of both producers and consumers. Producers provide consumers with goods and services in exchange for consumer expenditure and factors of production from the consumers. But the consumers are also producers because they must work to make an income in which to spend on products, which are made by producers. That is because in any exchange process, the seller or producer receives the same amount that the buyer or consumer spends. If I don’t have a job then I’m not being a productive member of society and can’t participate in this intricate web of buying and selling that benefits the entire community and ultimately the world!” Cheerilee took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I may have exaggerated just a slight bit but that’s basically how it works.” The minstrels looked at each other again, apparently unimpressed by her explanation. Cheerilee groaned. “What are wandering minstrels doing in Ponyville anyway?” “Working!” they all answered simultaneously. “Oh…,” Cheerilee said, feeling a bit ashamed of herself. “How’s business going?” “Meh. Could be better. You’re the first one today to pay us,” the one with the kettledrum said casually. “If I could make a suggestion, your lyrics aren’t very good. I just realized that they don’t make a lot of sense.” “Yeah, we know. But we don’t have a lyricist right now so we just have to wing it.” “Really? I don’t really know much about song writing, but…,” “No!” they said unanimously. “We’ve been following you around all day and don’t need to hear anymore lectures,” the one with the cittern remarked. “It is pretty entertaining to watch you annoy others though,” the minstrel with the flageolet said. “You shouldn’t get enjoyment from watching another pony’s misfortunes,” Cheerilee scolded them. “We’re not. We’re getting enjoyment from watching you fail.” “What!?” Cheerilee said with sudden flair. “I’m not failing. I’m just succeeding very slowly.” “Could have fooled us. Even we’re making a better living than you are right now and we’re hopelessly self-employed in a dead end job that has virtually no demand,” the cittern carrying minstrel said with a smirk. Perhaps it had something to do with the events of the previous day. Perhaps it had something to do with her growing collection of pink slips. Perhaps it was just because a sunlamp salespony happened to set up shop behind her at that moment, but Cheerilee began to heat up as her cutie mark itched her further. “I swore under the eyes of Celestia that I would have a job. I’m going to get that job if it’s the last thing I do. You got that, wandering minstrels? Nothing’s going to stop me. I will teach again.” Then a fire ignited in her eyes and Cheerilee was struck with a sudden idea. “You’re self-employed. Why didn’t I think of that? I could sell my talent as a public service.” “Isn’t that technically what a teacher is anyway?” the minstrel with the flageolet asked. Abruptly, another thought crossed Cheerilee’s mind and she eyed the minstrels with new interest. “You all don’t have anywhere in particular to be. How would you like to be my students? How about a lecture on the history of Star Swirl the Bearded?” The minstrels paled. “No thanks,” they all said together. “Are you sure? It would enrich your lives.” The minstrels paled further and the one with the cittern turned to the rest. “You know what? I think we’ve waited around in Ponyville long enough. Who wants to go to Hoofington?” “Wait! Perhaps you’d like me to tell you about the legend of the Moochick instead?” The minstrels looked at one another again. “You know we should really get going,” the minstrel with the bagpipes said as he and the others started to walk away. “Wait! I know,” Cheerilee said as she followed them. “I could tell you all about the history of the lima bean.” That was all the minstrels needed to hear. “Run away!” they all screamed before doing just that. “Come back here!” Cheerilee shouted, picking up the chase. “How about a lecture on the constellations or the correct way to iron a shirt? Let me teach you the lore of Ogopogo!” In a not so subtle transformation, the usually energetic teacher became a bullet train of random facts and trivia, chasing down her newest pupils with renewed passion. “You owe me 23 bits for my lecture on the circular flow of income!” she screamed as her flank burned from a strange sensation that originated from her cutie mark. Twilight Sparkle and Spike were on their way to the stationary store when Spike suddenly belched up a letter. “Why do I always feel like I have heart burn when that happens?” Spike asked as Twilight ignored his plight in favor of reading the letter that had undoubtedly come from her mentor Princess Celestia, who also happened to be the ruler of all of Equestria. “It looks like Princess Celestia is going to need me, Spike,” Twilight told him excitedly. “What is it this time? Disease? Famine? Monster attack? Zombies?” Twilight raised her eyebrow at him. “You’re really bent on that silly zombie idea. But no. Nothing dangerous this time. She’s going to be meeting a diplomat from another country and wants me to be there. Isn’t that exciting?” “Thrilling,” Spike said, rolling his eyes. “Spike, take a letter.” Twilight cleared her throat as Spike pulled out a quill and paper from some unknown place. “Dear Princess Celestia-” “Wait! Don’t do this!” a voice suddenly shouted from a nearby shop. Twilight was shocked when she witnessed Cheerilee shoved out a door by a store clerk. “Look, this is a furniture store, not a school. Take your random lessons somewhere else. And don’t come in just to sit behind the desks either.” “But this could be the lecture that changes your life. Doesn’t the theory of the morphogenetic field sound even the least bit interesting to you?” Cheerilee asked. “No!” the owner shouted as he slammed the door. Cheerilee charged the door and banged on it with her front hooves. “You don’t understand. I know I can convince you. You won’t regret it. Come out here and let me lecture you!” The sign on the inside abruptly flipped from open to closed. Cheerilee stared at the sign in disgust. “Fine! I see how it is. I’ll find someone else who will listen. You’ll see. Somepony else is going to grow up to be the richest pony in the world and then you’ll regret it. You’ll be begging me for a lecture. You hear me!?” “Cheerilee?” Twilight asked in surprise. Cheerilee turned in equal surprise, only then realizing what she apparently had been doing for the last two hours and twenty-three minutes. The two mares stared at each other for a moment. Finally, Twilight decided to break the awkward silence. “Cheerilee, all I can think of to say is… what the fudge happened to you?” “And why do you look like a hurricane survivor?” Spike commented, noting Cheerilee’s unkempt mane, wild eyes, and frizzy coat. Even her tail seemed in disarray. “Spike!” Twilight scolded. “No, he’s right. I am a mess,” Cheerilee admitted, feeling embarrassed by her recent behavior. “I lost my job yesterday.” The burning sensation from her cutie mark finally subsided, and Cheerilee just felt downtrodden. “You!?” Twilight said in astonishment. “I don’t believe it.” “I already found three different jobs today, but so far I haven’t been able to keep any of them.” “Wait. You’ve lost three jobs just today and it’s not even two o’clock yet?” Twilight glanced at the sun in amazement. “That’s quite a feat in its own right. How did that happen?” “Well… I have this habit of trying to give lectures while I’m on the job.” “What?” Twilight said in shock. “And you’re employers fault you for that? What nerve.” “I try not to, but it’s just what I do. The day I decided to become a teacher is when I realized how much hope I had to help my students bloom with the knowledge I provide for them.” “I know exactly what you mean. I feel the same way,” Twilight said, empathetically. Spike groaned. “Clearly this meeting was destined to happen.” “At the rate things are going, I might have to fire myself from self-employment and try something else. If I can’t find a real job soon, I don’t know what I’m going to do,” Cheerilee said sadly. “Self-employment?” Twilight said aloud, wondering if that had to do with whatever Cheerilee had been doing a few moments before. “Have you ever tried to sell lectures on the street? It turns out it doesn’t work very well.” “I think I understand what you mean,” Twilight lied, trying to make sense of why anypony would have attempted such a random sounding job. “I know how hard it is to try and make a living for yourself.” “Uh… Twilight?” Spike interjected. “You live off a pension from Princess Celestia for studying friendship at your leisure and could get practically anything you asked from her. How could you possibly understand what Cheerilee’s going through?” Twilight silently scooted Spike away with her back hoof before continuing. “If you need a relatable job, why not try the natural history museum? I’m sure they could use somepony of your talents.” Cheerilee lowered her head. “I already looked into it but they had a robbery last week and aren’t open at the moment. Apparently they’re investigating their security or something.” That was news. Twilight hadn’t even heard about that. Perhaps she had been cooped up in the library for too long. “Hang on. Let me finish writing my letter first and then we can talk about this over some tea.” Cheerilee nodded, looking more depressed than Twilight had ever seen of her. “Let’s make this quick, Spike. Where did I leave off?” “Dear Princess Celestia… and that’s it.” “Right. Lets see.” Twilight cleared her throat and began. “Dear Princess Celestia, I am honored that you have asked me to be present at your meeting with the Prime Minster of Ponyland. As such, I gratefully accept your invitation and will prepare myself for the meeting this Saturday without delay. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.” “Student!?” Cheerilee suddenly interjected as the burning on her flank returned. “That’s right. You’re Princess Celestia’s student.” Twilight nodded happily. “Yep. I wouldn’t be where I am today without my mentor. I can still remember the day I became her personal student as if it were yesterday.” “Yes. You’re a student,” Cheerilee said with a strange grin. “Do you need any help in your studies?” “Pardon?” Abruptly, Cheerilee leaned in really close. “Would you like me to help you with your studies? Do you want to be my student?” “Um… what?” “Forget Princess Celestia. You’ve been learning from her for years. Try a new teacher.” Cheerilee’s face was practically touching Twilight’s, making her feel beyond uncomfortable. “I hate to sound rude, but how could you possibly top Princess Celestia? I mean she practically made the world we live in.” “Yes, but that’s only one perspective and I’m sure I have all kinds of knowledge you’ve never heard before. Besides, what if something really hard comes up and you don’t know how to handle it? Wouldn’t it be great to have a teacher on hoof?” Twilight swallowed and thought before answering. “I-I-I-I’ll think about it. Okay? Just give me a little time.” “Sure. Of course. Take all the time you need.” Cheerilee nodded rather mechanically. Ten silent seconds later, Cheerilee hadn’t moved. She stared at Twilight, still smiling expectantly. “Twilight, she’s still there,” Spike whispered into Twilight’s ear. “Give me a little time to think about it… alone,” Twilight finally said. “Sure. Sure. Of course. Take all the time you need.” Cheerilee backed up, nodding her head again, until she disappeared around the side of the building. After she had left, Twilight broke the awkward silence. “Well… that was…,” “Creepy?” Spike finished for her. “No. It was just…” Twilight racked her brain, but she couldn’t think of a better word to describe it. “Anyway, maybe we should find some way to help her. I’m sure there are plenty of jobs that a pony of her caliber could…,” Twilight trailed off when she heard the sound of hooves beating against the ground at a rapid pace until they came to a sudden halt behind her. Twilight and Spike slowly turned around. “Have you thought it over yet?” Cheerilee smiled so wide, she bared her teeth. “Did you just gallop around the building?” Twilight asked cautiously. “Yes!” Cheerilee answered loudly, her left eye slightly twitching. “Twilight, she’s scaring me,” Spike said, hiding under Twilight’s tail. Twilight cleared her throat nervously. “I’m still thinking…,” “Just say no. Just say no,” Spike pleaded under his breath. “Well… I mean…,” Twilight looked around helplessly. “Remember what Celestia taught you. Just say no to drugs,” Spike pleaded again, staring at Cheerilee’s cracked out looking face. “Let me think about it overnight, okay?” “Nooooooo!” Spike fell over dramatically in slow motion as if he had been shot. “Oh… okay,” Cheerilee said quietly, drooping a little. Then she sprang back to life. “But if you change your mind sooner then that, you’ll tell me, riiiiiiiiight?” Twilight tried to ignore the sweat forming on her face. “Of course. I’ll tell you straight away… at your house…,” “Okay. Okay.” Cheerilee nodded rapidly. “I’ll be waiting. At my house. Remember, at my house.” She dashed away, practically knocking over a pony selling newspapers, presumably in the direction of her home. “Why did you tell her that?” Spike asked, finally finished falling over. “I had to, Spike. I’m not going to let her-” “Remember, I’ll be waiting at my house,” Cheerilee said, peeking her head around the side of the building before disappearing again. Twilight cleared her throat again. “I’m not going to let her go through this alone. Princess Celestia wouldn’t let a pony in need go it alone and neither will I.” “Oh yeah? And what are you going to do for that?” Spike retorted, implying Cheerilee’s behavior. “I think she’s had a few too many smoked grass barbecues if you know what I mean.” “I was going to suggest she become a private tutor, but somehow I don’t think that’s a good idea right now.” “Not unless you want to scar somepony for life,” Spike added. “Maybe you should send her over to be Trixie’s teacher. That would be amusing.” “We’re not here to be amused, Spike. Cheerilee’s going through a real life crisis and we need to help.” “Again, how are we going to do that? It’s not like we can get her a job at the library. You already have two assistants and we work for free.” “I’m going to do exactly what a good student should do in this case. Study.” Spike raised an eyebrow. “How’s that going to help?” “I’m going to study career planning manuals and want ads. I’m sure I can find a solution to her problem by tomorrow,” Twilight said confidently as she hailed the newspaper pony. “I still like the idea of letting her teach Trixie, but whatever you think is best.” “I know I’m right, Spike. After all, I’m a student of Princess Celestia.”